Sick and Horny

You know what sucks is being totally sick with a cold and being incredibly horny and knowing I wouldn't last if I even tried.  Add in that I don't want to get Master sick, but damn I have been having wicked thoughts and my cunt has been dripping.

Sex Dreams of True Life

The other night on the phone with teacup, Master mentioned something about his ass...honestly I am not sure what the conversation was, but probably something very benign like his ass was dragging because he was tired.  We had this conversation right before bed....so I had a dream about something that happened one of the times teacup visited.

We put in bad porn. I mean it - it was bad - we didn't know it was going to be bad, as we hadn't ever watched it. So put in the porn and then Master was lying over the liberator. Teacup and I were touching and kissing him all over. Our attention was focused solely on him.  One thing I did was lick his ass. I had done it before, but it had been a long time since the last time.  It was a lot of fun and he enjoyed it.  So I dreamed about licking his ass and sucking his cock. Always the makings for good dreams!

Mentor or Not

I feel I am always growing, learning and changing even though I have been involved with BDSM since I was 16 and I am now 45. I would rather just be there for people seeking mentors to answer questions, discuss topics and build friendships than be a mentor. But I am always open to answering questions, being there for anyone that needs some guidance and friendship.

I don't always feel mentorships fulfill the purpose of the what being a mentor actually means (look at dictionary definition of being a mentor). Most of the time I see mentorships as being a d-type taking on an s-type and then it ending up about sex and play which is not what being a mentor actually means. To me there is a difference between trying to guide and teach someone verses someone exploring their desires. 

When I wanted to feel the spider whip (a single tail with lots of tails instead of one). I went to the person who was known to be good at it and asked if he would use it on me. If I had a question about what it means to be a submissive - I went to submissive groups, I read, I asked like-minded people and friends and then decided on my own what it means for ME.

Really I am not sure I believe in mentorships, but instead just growing and learning from friends, talking with like minded people, participating in online forums, reading websites and books about the lifestyle. Gain lots of different perspectives and then find your own beliefs and things you are curious to explore. And then go out and explore that with common sense and two feet on the ground.

30 Days of Kink - Day 21

Day 21: Favorite BDSM related book (fiction or non-fiction)

Marketplace series by Laura Antoniou - this is hands down my favorite BDSM fiction.  My favorite in the series is The Reunion.  

This is a quote from it - it is in regards to Robin discussing her life in service to Chris Parker on the plane to Ireland....

"It was everything you said, everything you wrote, about the balance between owner and owned, the sense of knowing your place in the world and the strength that comes from that. Oh, I guess there were some days when I hated the workload, or I was just exhausted - but I never hated my life."

I looked at my books tag on my blog because I know I have talked about books enough here that I would have some info about BDSM fiction and non-fiction I have read. 

Here is a BDSM Book Meme that has books I read in bold, books I loved underlined.

I contributed an essay to a Power Exchange book.

Book reviews of The Academy and The Reunion by Laura Antoniou. 

Quotes from The Academy.

My Laura Antoniou fan-girl story.

Some small book reviews on some BDSM books.

Just to add some of my favorite (non-bdsm) books have helped me in service too...such as Home Comforts by Cheryl Mendelson or Memoirs of a Geisha by Arthur Golden. 

The previous 30 Days of Kink entries.

Traveling Girl

Glenwood Canyon

I have been feeling off for a bit because we have been traveling SO MUCH!  Last weekend in February, the  first weekend in March and then every other week until last week - we have been out of town.  I feel like we have been living out a suitcase. Honestly we come home I do laundry and then just leave the suitcase out instead of stowing it away because I know it will be out again soon.

We have had some really good times though in our times out.  One trip, I was able to meet up with an old friend I met on LJ almost 10 years ago.  In the same trip we met a new lifestyle friend and she was just so nice to meet.  

Master and I have had poetry dates out while traveling, taken LOTS of photos and just had time to enjoy each others company.  It is one of the things I love about traveling - road trips give you so much amazing time to talk and be together without distractions. Master and I have these conversations that are fun, serious, deep and complex, light and easy and just full of us.  It is fantastic so I really enjoy that time and cherish it. 

I have had some quality time doing art.  Not a lot of course since we have been out of town a lot, but some pieces that really mean something to me. 

Shiprock

Master did have some health problems, but he is mending. I am having some health problems too, but the same ones that have been going on for years.  My sciatica really kicked into high gear when we got home from our last trip.  I do have an appointment coming up with my Doctor about my sciatica so hopefully things will get better on that end soon.  

But overall - life is good. Master is busy with his business. We have a lot of great things in our life and I am really completely grateful for this life we are living.

Rainbow in Idaho

30 Days - Day 20

Day 20:  Talk about something within kink/bdsm that you’re curious about/don’t understand.

I am sure there are ton of things I don't understand in the lifestyle.  I have been involved with BDSM since I was 16 really and I am now 45 years old.  I have lived 24/7  -  Ten years with Master and three years with Kam.  So I have been doing this a long time, but it doesn't make me know everything. 

There are things I would like to try and do that I haven't, but I do have information on them. I have tried some things that haven't been successful,  but still desire - such as fisting. I have had a couple people try to fist me and it just hasn't worked. 

Another kinky thing I am curious about, but have done and would like to do again is gangbangs. But I know that won't happen as Master has no interest in it. I have already been involved with one, but not since I was very young and it is something I fantasize about still today.   

Most of the things I enjoy - I want over and over though are things I have done.  Some things sound interesting, but really don't spark that thing inside me that makes me crave it and makes me think about it over and over - obsessing.  But fisting and gang bang although I have tried, I am still curious about them and desire them.  

I have tried lots of things over the years and enjoy kink, but I am sure there will always be areas that peek my interest and others that make me go - no thanks. There are always things I am learning and I love growing through that learning.  

The previous 30 Days of Kink entries.

30 Days - Day 19

Day 19: Any unexpected ways kink has improved your life?  If so, what are they?

I am not sure there were unexpected ways. I think mostly I knew from the process that this was right and felt like the right path for me.  Made me feel more like myself. 

One unexpected thing that was a positive is gaining so many amazing like minded friends. I went in seeking an owner, but have met and made many friends that have touched my life in countless ways.  I think of my friends in Ohio who kept me going forward during such a dark time in my life. 

Feel extremely blessed for the friends I have made over the years. 

The previous 30 Days of Kink entries.

30 Days - Day 18

Day 18: Any kinky/BDSM pet peeves?  If so, what are they?

Master could tell you that I have pet peeves as he is the one that gets to hear about them, but really over the years I have just let a lot of them go. They aren't worth my time. But the thing that still gets me is the people that write me and aren't using common sense....such as asking me if it is okay to cheat on their husband because they want to explore kink instead of talking to him about it.  Or that have such unrealistic views of M/s.....such as they think I am beaten all day, kept naked and such.  I do get many emails that are genuine and sincere in wanting to know more too.  

Here are some things that have annoyed me over the years though....and for the most part still annoy me, but I move on from them really quickly. 

• submission is a gift
• slave heart - because often it seems people who believe this come across that they are better than everyone else
• slashy writing such as W/we 
• writing in third person when responding to public threads and forums - your own blog so be it, but in a forum it just seems like it would be common courtesy not to make it hard on people reading it. 
• the thinking that just because we are into BDSM we are better than anyone - else - such as you will hear "my relationship is so much deeper than a vanilla relationship." Vanilla relationships can be just as deep...it is the people involved and what they put into the relationship that makes it deep not just being into BDSM.
• those that assume everyone into BDSM is into poly
• those that think just because we are poly that means Master will be happy to fuck or play with them.  
• the safety police
• those think their kink better - or how they do this thing we do is better or that everyone else is doing it wrong

I am sure there are others - those are just the main ones off the top of my head. 

The previous 30 Days of Kink entries.

Painted Girl

I mentioned that I am writing poetry. I am not sure if it is good and really that doesn't matter to me. It is more about really expressing myself in different way.  Poetry before always intimidated me and now it doesn't.  I even got Master hooked on writing poetry. It has been something really fun that we do together. He has such amazing sense of humor and it comes out with how he sees the world and what he writes. I love how he sees the world.

One poem I wrote is about being an escort...so thought I would share it here as I can't really share it with my family as I think it is pretty provocative for them.

Good Relationship

From TinyBuddha's FB status today:
"Good relationships don't just happen. They take time, patience, and two people who truly want to be together." ~Unknown

A good life lesson and one I have learned over the years - good relationships just don't happen. I think we like to think that when you love someone - the relationship will just be magically connected together by love and make it a good relationship, but it takes more than love. It does need love - a lot of it, but being compatible on more than just kinky stuff is key to me though.

I love spending time with Master and not just because of the sex and kinky things - although that is delicious! But we mesh on so many levels that with time, patience and wanting to be together - we work hard to keep our relationship strong and keep moving forward.  

30 Days of Kink - Day 17

Day 17: What misconception about kinky people would you most like to clear up?

You know there are so many misconceptions about kinky people, that I couldn't even list them all if I wanted too, but I will list some.....

* M/s is insane or being a slave is insane
* Being a slave means being a doormat
* If you are slave, you are abused
* slaves don't have needs
* Dominants don't care about slaves needs
* M/s equals being naked all the time and being beaten daily
* BDSM is dangerous
* everyone in BDSM is poly
* all submissves and slave bend and bow to every dominant
* kinky people don't have interests outside kink
*  submissives have low-self esteem and low-self worth
* submissive equals slut

But the bottom line is that really it isn't up to me to clear those up - it is up to me to live my life how I want and others to do the same.

The previous 30 Days of Kink entries.

M/s and the Normal Relationship

Some questions I answered from a question to a group on FetLife.

1: Do you ever have any break from your relationship, were you aren't M/s? Like where you are just in a normal relationship for a day?

The foundation of our relationship is M/s and if we didn't interact like that something would be terribly wrong with the relationship. M/s is normal for us as that is how we naturally interact with each other. That doesn't mean I don't have days where sometimes - I just am not feeling well and going and getting that cup of coffee for him doesn't sound that great to me. I get ill, I have bad days, I have days that just for whatever reason trip me up. It also doesn't mean that we don't do things like hold hands in the grocery store, or go out on a date night to the movies, or do yard work and all the other daily stuff that makes up life. It just means the M/s is always there. Even if it isn't overt - it is just part of our life.

2: Do you ever deprive your slave of the things they need, like food or a toilet? I don't mean forever of course, but for like a day?

Master has done some deprivation of things in my life. It is his right to do whatever he wishes. We both have a fantasies and fetishes that revolve around deprivation. But we also run a business and have things going on daily so it just happens when it can happen and not on a daily basis.

3: If something serious happened, like a close family member died or you found out the female was pregnant, would you snap out your roles or deal with it within your roles?

I am not sure I would understand how that would benefit us by not being M/s. It isn't role for us. It is who we are and it functions better because of being M/s. Again it doesn't mean that we don't cope in normal ways. We do the best to deal with grief, loss and major changes to our life - the best we can but again the foundation of our relationship is M/s so changing that would make things very awkward and more difficult on us.

When my Uncle died 2 years ago, it was the hardest period of my life to date. Truthfully, I went through a lot of doubts of who I was, but I never stopped being Master's slave. I questioned our life for a bit because everything in my life looked like gloom and doom because of the grief. I can now look back and know if we had stopped the M/s, it would have taken me even longer to go through those emotions and I would have a lot more difficulties coping with daily life.

4: For those who have children, how do you get around them with your relationship? Do they know or not?

We don't have children. But most relationships I have been involved with or know that have kids....the kids don't know about the M/s or kink. They just knew Mom is Mom and Dad is Dad. They didn't need to know more then that.

Tricia and Katee

This was just so hot....they are both so sexy in the first place and then together well.....heaven. :)

Fetish Definition List

I discovered there was a label that worked for what I was feeling and who I was when I stumbled upon a bulletin board for submissives in 1995. I found myself nodding along to many things that I read.  After that I chatted with people, continued to read the bulletin boards as well as websites and  I also ordered books. One of the first books I ordered was Different Loving by by Gloria Brahme, William Brahme and Jon Jacobs.  Basically the book took fetishes and gave definitions for them as well as had interviews with people who did those fetishes. One thing they listed as a fetish was living the life 24/7.

I remember reading the interviews in the 24/7 section and knowing that is what I desired and wanted. My life until that point had a lot of D/s elements in it.  I served my husband in many way, all decisions I consulted with him before hand and he had the final say in it, we had kinky sex in the bedroom and outside the bedroom he often could compel me to do what he wished by just telling me what he desired. We didn't do punishment. We didn't have heavy SM. We had just some light bondage, breath play, pulling hair, use of household items used as spanking implements and then rough grabbing.  In the 24/7, the slaves were more controlled than I was with my husband. So the world of the 24/7 interviewees - intrigued me.  That definition and thoughts on it really helped me form my early beliefs, desires and what I wanted to explore.

Reading, talking and sharing ideas and thoughts with people helped me formulate and expand on the basis of my desires. At that time having Different Loving give explanations for fetishes that I had no idea existed let alone had a name - was really helpful. Now days there are quite a few websites out there that give definitions for all the different fetishes. There are also lots of places to discuss and share your thoughts and help you hash out what you want and desire. Instead of using household implements (which can be fun though too) as I did when first learning, you can  explore with fun fetish toys. Eden Fantasys has a community of people that share through reviews, articles and forums and can help someone new figure out what you want and desire.

There is a 3 part series on fetish definitions titled the Wild Kinky Alphabet that I think would be particularly helpful to those new to the BDSM world and exploring fetishes. These articles go through a very wide range of  fetishes and I am sure will be helpful in explaining all the different kind of play and will maybe spark some area of interest that you might be discussing with your partner soon.

Finding a Master

"How did you come about the realization that you wanted to be a slave/sub and how did you go about finding a Master?  How do you protect yourself from getting hurt while looking and meeting dominants?"

I didn't know there was a name for who I was until I was in late 20's.  At that time I was on AOL and they had bulletin board type forums. I stumbled upon one for submissives and found myself nodding along to it. After that, I went out and tried to find information on the lifestyle. I read and discussed the lifestyle every chance I could. Eventually I tired to introduce my then husband to it. Our life had a basis for it as he had a lot of control in our relationship - even though he would say he didn't. But our life was set up to kind of naturally fall into the D/s as we really were that way with each other already.  

After I left my husband, I did seek out being Owned, but I will tell you I wasn't as self-aware as I wished I had been so that I knew exactly what I wanted. Each relationship after of course helped me learn things I wanted and didn't want in a relationship. 

Master and I met through a mutual friend. She thought I would be perfect for him so told him to contact me.  We chatted online for a while before talking on the phone and then meeting. Before Master though I just had an ad on bondage.com and chatted with some dominants. Most of them are out for one thing kinky sex. But usually that is apparent quickly so I could say goodbye.

I feel the best ways to find the person for you - is to not look. I have found over the years that when I wasn't looking that someone came to my attention that really captivated me. Master was that way as someone suggested he write me and when did I wasn't looking. Of course mingle, talk and chat with people, and go to munches and events, but don't actively look over all the personal ads out there. Just let it organically happen with someone you get along with and respect. 

On to the protection question....every time we pursue any type of relationship, intimate to friendship - we risk getting hurt. People who care about us will hurt us so you can't really protect yourself emotionally from getting hurt with attachments. 

Getting hurt physically...well let me pose this question a little differently...how would a person normally protect herself when meeting and looking for someone of like interest?  I tend to treat the lifestyle similarly to how I would normally do with just everyday life.  So if I were going to date a vanilla man that I met from the internet, I would meet for coffee first. I would make sure I went in with my feet on the ground and not get swept up in the feelings to let myself be talked into "more than coffee."  A safe call is a good idea...it is where you tell a friend times of when and where you are going to be and then call when you get there and call when you are leaving. I always set up safe calls when I was meeting someone new. I usually actually did the safe call the first few times I met them. 

Know though even meeting for several coffees and then maybe dinners won't ensure you won't be hurt physically. Just like a vanilla man can lie someone in a the lifestyle can do the same. They can seem wonderful and safe while sitting across from them talking, but behind closed doors things can change so just always use your common sense. Realize that sometimes we do have red flags going off, but we often ignore them. Try hard to sit down and rationally without emotion see those flags. 

Use your common sense and gut instinct. Know you are the best judge of what you seek.  Yes, of course get close friends opinions, but again know that you are the only one that knows what is best for you. Just don't fool yourself into thinking everything is great when really everything isn't so good at all. 

*This group of questions was one I got years and years ago in an email. While going through my old emails I decided that the answer could be a good blog. I do get the question how to find a Master quite a lot.