Friday, April 11, 2014

March Roundup

Newest to oldest on withinReality.com blog...
His, Not My Own by destiny
Consensual Issues Part 2 by Master
Masochistic Judgements by destiny
Consensual Issues Part 1 by Master
Slut Taking a Walk in the Woods by danae
Expected Guilt, Unexpected Help by destiny

Essays added to withinReality.com in March
Forget the Sticks and Stones
Tips for BDSM Beginners - I added this to the website in March 2014, but wrote it last year.


PLUS 

Our website is having a birthday. We are celebrating 2014 with 6 giveaways. (count it SIX!!!) The first giveaway started last night: a brand new set of leather wrist and ankle cuffs - all the 411 details and how to enter: within Reality's Birthday Giveaway

Wednesday, March 12, 2014

February Roundup & a Giveaway

Just a reminder that I am blogging over on our website now...

February Roundup 
Little Things
It's a Marathon
Overheard Here
Yes it's Valentine's Day...But..
Question the Details


PLUS 

Our website is having a birthday. We are celebrating 2014 with 6 giveaways. (count it SIX!!!) The first giveaway started last night: a brand new set of leather wrist and ankle cuffs - all the 411 details and how to enter: within Reality's Birthday Giveaway

Good luck! And may the odds be forever in your favor. :)

Wednesday, January 29, 2014

Milestones

Twenty years in the lifestyle this month. I have been kinky longer than 20 years, but I found words for who I am 20 years ago. I remember doing a search online and stumbling upon an AOL bulletin board for submissives. I read threads and nodded along to many things said. I decided shortly after I wanted to know more. I sought out everything I could - discussions groups, books and offline and online community. Eventually I found many groups, but there was 2 groups I consider my home groups: SMART which is still around in Cleveland, Ohio. It has grown so much.  I am really proud of them and all the amazing education they do and bringing community together.  The other group isn't around anymore, but they were called Carpe Diem and they were based out of Akron. They were really good at making everyone feel so welcome and it did feel like home because it was so comfortable.

Those groups as well as many other groups and events across the country - have helped me grow and learn in these last 20 years. I have met amazing people and learned so much about myself. Twenty years in and I am still as passionate about the lifestyle.  Still passionate about being a slave. Of course there has been ups and downs, but all these years it has still been a part of my being to be a slave and connect with other like minded kinky people.   

Thirteen years of blogging about my life. The end of October, I passed 13 years of blogging about my life.  I have went through ups and downs. I have struggled to figure out who I was and come to a place of peace and acceptance being a his slave. I have posted emotional vomit, deep thoughts, drama filled, silly, bouncing all over, daily life, sex, SM, life as a slave, things that caught my eye, made me think, and amused me. But I wrote to keep growing and learning about myself and be true to me.

My posting habits have fluctuated over the years.  I used to post quite a lot - looking down at the archives on the sidebar - you can see a number behind each year/month.  In 2002, I had the highest number of posts - 420.  In 2010, I had 30.  Early on in blogging, I was trying to figure out what I wanted and who I was because after breaking things off with Kam I felt lost. Now my life is in a place where I always wanted it, so I don't blog as much. It doesn't always occur to me write when I am living this life I dreamed about for years.

I have known from day one of putting things out on the internet - I would get negative comments and people who didn't agree with me and when you post on the internet you need to know that.  It helped me grow though hearing those other views. Seeing things from a different point of view often helped me clarify my own even more. It has been a huge learning and growing experience for me and so glad I have kept up with it for 13 years here on blogger.  

Eleven years being owned by Master on February 1st.  11 years ago Master and I stood on a busy street in Denver and he reached in his pocket, took out a heavy hardware chain and lock, slipped it around my neck, and locked it in place. No words were exchanged.  He lifted my chin to meet his eyes and the unspoken words claimed me as His property. There was no words asking me if I would be his slave. No words of asking for consent.  It was just a knowing of yes this is right for us and claiming me right there.

I remember I did not touch at first because I knew if I did I would start crying and we were about to be going into a store. So of course I did not want tears in there. Later in the car Master told me to touch it and the tears started flowing in the realization of it - the meaning of it and that I was really owned by him.  I had felt enslaved to him before that moment, but that moment made it real for me. No denying it.

Eleven years later, I am still His just as I was that day. Each year just seems better and stronger.  Feeling incredibly blessed to serve and love him. I look forward to each day with him. I love how we explore our dreams and fantasies together all while keeping our feet grounded in reality. It has been an amazing journey and I look forward to seeing it unfold in the years to come.  

Ten years of withinReality.com. We are celebrating 10 years of having our website in March.  As of the 1st of February, I am moving my blog to our website. Some of my writing from this blog will move over there, but some will stay here. I won't be deleting this blog. I will be posting highlights every so often so that you can come visit me over on withinReality.com.  Master is also moving his blog over there.  Eventually Destiny might blog over there too. She is new to the lifestyle so I think it is a good perspective to add to our views.

I love my life. I am extremely passionate about the lifestyle and being a slave. Writing is an outlet to express that passion. So I will hopefully be blogging about it many more years. I look forward to writing and sharing many of them. I am always changing and growing and my blog has helped me in that journey over the years and know it will continue to help me in that as I pass many more milestones.

Please head over to withinReality.com to not only read our blog, but see essays on the lifestyle and learn more about us. We will also be doing some giveaways in 2014 to celebrate our website turning 10 years so please make sure to check out the blog in March for that announcement. I want to thank everyone who has supported me here at this blog and hope you will follow me to the new blog on within Reality.

Monday, January 20, 2014

End of 2013 and the start of 2014

Life Update in  bullet points...

* Destiny - In October, Master and I started seeing someone local.  Her name is Destiny.  Master and I are both head over heels for her...as she is fabulous!  We are over 3 months in now and still have some of the honeymoon phase going on, but we all have settled into a normalcy that is really good. We connect as to her individually, but also all together.  She serves Master and is his submissive.  She is my girlfriend. And together all 3 of us are a family. I will write more about her and how things are progressing at another time. But for now we are a family and we are all very happy.

* Tied Up - For the first time 10 years, I was touched by another man.  Master has been the only man to touch in me in the 10 years I have been with him. A local group started a Rope Bite. You get together and practice rope bondage. I have always loved rope bondage and it isn't something Master is overly fond of...he does it, but not his favorite type of bondage.  Anyway, a good friend was going and Master asked if he needed a rope bottom for it and lent me to our friend for the evening.  Now it was totally over the clothes practicing rope, but to have a man touch me even over the clothes in such an intimate way - well again first time in 10 years.  Let's just say I was nervous.  Yep me who has been with a few men in my time was nervous. Our friend was very kind and conscientious of my anxieties.  I really enjoyed myself.  He tied me in ways that made me hurt so good for days. I loved it and I am so very grateful to him for allowing me to be his bottom. I hope we are able do it again sometime.  He is an amazing man and I am so glad he moved to our community.

* Holidays - We were out of town for almost 3 weeks straight after Thanksgiving into December. So I didn't get the tree up until 8 days before Christmas. I didn't get any cards or packages mailed out this year. I didn't get to do many of my usual things like bake. But I will tell you Thanksgiving and Christmas were absolutely fabulous! Having Destiny being a part our holidays just made it so special. Our Thanksgiving and Christmas was just us 3.  It was lovely and fun. We watched Polar Express in the evening of Thanksgiving.  We did other traditions with her such as going around and looking at lights and decorating the tree together. We create great memories.  Our families are getting used to us talking about Destiny and her being here with us as part of our family. 

* Family - I haven't seen my bio family in over a year so missing them. My Grandma also died just before Christmas.  She was 97 years old and been ready for quite some time.  I have been detached from it mostly, but at odd times having it hit me. 

* Travel - We have had lots of little mini-trips around the state. We went to Boulder. Then right after Christmas we went to Denver. We did touristy things like going to the Denver Art Museum.  We had a large hotel room where we were able to enjoy a king size bed as we only have a queen at home.  Destiny and I dressed up slutty for Master.  Our night was hot and sexy - sex and SM late into the night - yums!

We did have a funny moment in Target though earlier as we didn't pack condoms or lube - yeah I know what is up with that? Anyway, I hadn't bought condoms in a while and neither had Destiny so here it is her and I going into buy condoms.  We standing looking at all the condoms and trying to decide which ones we should get. Finally we get a package, turn around, and there is a couple standing right behind us - waiting to look at condoms.  I am sure our conversation made them wonder what the heck is going on....2 women buying condoms like we never have....I am sure they thought we were 2 lesbians who picked up a man to try it out. lol  :)  Anyway thank goodness we got the condoms, because oh they were used. Destiny riding Master is such a hot sight. Oh yeah so sexy.  We are damn lucky to have such a sexy beautiful woman.  So grateful we met her. 

* Friends -  I know in September, I said we were more active in the local community.  Well we kind of dropped out of it again. One reason - we started seeing Destiny. When I say seeing her -  I mean we see each other everyday for the last 3 month except when Master and I have work/business out of town and she can't come with us.  We are living our dream life and it is hard to fit other things in. Really we haven't even seen the kinky friends we are close to that often either.  We are missing them and hope to get together with everyone soon. Unfortunately we are like that new couple that doesn't contact their friends when they are seeing someone new because they are so into each other...yeah we are all so into each other are kind of oblivious to others outside us. Often we see stuff posted online and go hmm must of have missed what that is about because it doesn't even make sense to us as we are so outside it all right now and so into each other. 

* Sharing - I did a little talk for a group of submissive on service. I remembered, although it makes me nervous, I do like sharing information and ideas. I am going to have that talk and some additional thoughts on service up on our website soon.

* Therapist - I came out to my therapist about BDSM.  Now she knows everything.  It helped her put things in perspective a little differently. A few things made more sense to her.  And as always she was fabulous when I came out to her about it. She gets it so well. She sees where I struggle and why and in a BDSM context.  She loves Destiny and thinks she is a positive force in my life as Destiny has made me see myself slightly differently. I was on this course last year of really allowing some of the parts of me that I turned of to come back out and play and Master has been great about it too, but Destiny being a woman has helped me understand parts of myself better by seeing myself through her eyes.  Not sure that is making sense, but I just know she has helped me and my therapist sees it too.

* Art & Photography - Both are playing huge part in my life. It is something I do with a good group of friends as well as Destiny too.  I know art and photography are going to continue to play a big part of my 2014.

Really I am just so grateful that 2013 was a year filled with ups and downs, but overall joy and love which makes it a truly beautiful year. I look forward to 2014 as I know it is going to be fabulous!

Thursday, December 26, 2013

Peeking Little Girl


A couple months ago, Master bought me some double chocolate malt balls.  I really am not sure why I had a craving for them as it is just not something that I crave ever, but I did.  When I popped one in my mouth and bit down, I had a strong memory flood to the surface. I didn't think about it until I tasted them and surprised I didn't have it come back when I started getting the craving.  But it took a bite to remember that I used to buy some at Malley's Candy store in Cleveland for Kam. They were one of his favorite things.

Kam was my dominant, Master and Daddy years ago.He and I had a pretty intense Daddy/little girl relationship. Some of it was me becoming a little girl with baby talk, dressed in pink with pigtails tied in ribbon, squishing my teddy bear tightly in my arms. Some of it was more role-play - such as playing a catholic school girl being sent home with a bad report card and being punished by Daddy. Some of it was me as an adult woman having that nurturing protective role of Daddy there always for me.

Kam was Daddy from the first moment I met him.  It was like the little 4 year old girl had been waiting for him.  Because of that I feel he helped me deal  with abuse from when I was that age. I see now how it was a way to heal that little girl inside me.

Because of how intense and the role it played in the dynamic with Kam, it has been hard to do age play with Master. Kam died 3 years ago and we had unresolved issues - so I have always assumed that was partly the reason I had trouble releasing that side of me. But I do wonder if I needed that side at that time with him to heal and maybe I don't need that anymore or I don't need it in the same way. I can feel that part bubble to the surface at times, but just little peeks. I guess I am not sure if it is a something that I don't need anymore or if it is just not the right time or if it needs to be different .....not sure what other reasons. 

Master is Daddy to me, but not as little girl - age play sense. It is more as an adult woman who likes the feeling he gives me - such as feeling extremely safe and protected by him. I am extremely shy and having Daddy there to help me navigate social settings is amazing. Being able to hold his hand as he navigates us through a crowded room. Or leads a conversation when he knows I am having problems are all things that make me feel nurtured and protected by him. He is Daddy in that sense.

Recently several instances have come up - the malt balls, a game and just someone said something that reminded me of Kam.  It is making those feelings of desire for that side come up more.  It made me wonder if that part is getting ready to come back out.  I know for sure it has made me smile instead of having a sense of sadness. I guess time will tell if that part of me will do more than peek.

Thursday, December 12, 2013

When is M/s right for you?

When I was 16, I was involved with a boy who tied me up and spanked me. We eventually had sex.  But I was kinky. I didn't know there was a word for it though until much later. I was 27 when I discovered words for who I was and what I liked. It was probably close to a year after that I actually got the nerve to go into Barnes and Noble and order Different Loving which had only been published a couple years prior (before the days of ordering things online as Amazon wasn't around). I was with my husband at the time and trying to get him to be okay with naming the relationship I felt we had before I knew there were words for it.  When I came to the section on 24/7 in Different Loving, I knew I wanted to be a slave.  I don't recall anything that was said, but I still remember how I felt. I knew reading it that I wanted to belong to someone 24/7 and be a slave. 

After my marriage ended, I knew I was going to seek a M/s dynamic. I bottomed and did a D/s relationship for a bit, but never felt totally fulfilled. I am glad I played and explored before jumping into M/s. Not everyone is going to want M/s...I get that.  I also get that not everyone wants to be a bottom or do a D/s relationship.  These are not  the only options in kink world for relationships. I am saying, by exploring, I could gain life experience, self-awareness, and also find out what elements I wanted and needed from a kinky relationship. I am thankful I explored first to figure things out before jumping into a M/s relationship as it helped me identify what elements I wanted in a relationship - period - M/s, Top/bottom, D/s, Owner/puppy - or whatever type of relationship desired.

Why am I writing all this... What is my point..... Well... I was asked recently if I felt it was okay to jump straight into a M/s dynamic when new to BDSM and my answer was no. But I realized I didn't explain why.  I think a person needs to have self-awareness, a good realistic view of M/s and life experience to know if it is really the best path. But only YOU can decide that.  Only the person wanting to walk this path can know if it is right for them.


I have been around people who were young in age, but had life experience and amazing levels of self-awareness and if they asked me if what I thought about them getting into M/s - I would probably say, "go for it."  I have known people in their 40's who lacked self-awareness and life experience and might tell them that maybe taking some times to really get to know themselves might be better before jumping into M/s. I have a very close friend in her late 30's recently ask me what I thought about her pursuing a M/s relationship although she is new-ish to BDSM and I told her I could see the slave in her and understand why she wants/needs it as her path. I think she knows enough about what she wants and needs in a relationship to know if M/s was right for her.  She was going to do it without my validation, but sometimes just hearing it helps that knowing inside shine brighter.

Although it might feel right and shine bright inside - there are still times you might question. You still might go is this really right for me even if most of the time it feels so right. You question because you are fighting against messages we have been told all our life - we question because it feels so different to actually be doing the thing we want as we often think it is not possible to have what we want - and we question because it is just our internal workings nature to question.  It is okay to want M/s and it is okay to go after it and it is okay to question.  

Just know M/s doesn't happen over night. Relationships build out of compatibilities. It takes time, energy, communication, and investment in each other to grow into it. But again the only person contemplating it can decide and know if they are ready and want to try.    

Saturday, November 30, 2013

Break Ups

First Master and I are good.  I will say that again Master and I are good. We are not breaking up. We have been together for 10 years - through good and bad and each year strengthens our relationship. But breaking up is a part of  almost everyone's lives. Most of us go through it at least one point in our lives.  It took many tries of finding that one before Master claimed me as his. It takes a lot of time and energy to find the one and even more time when poly and looking.  The end of May Master and I ended our relationship with teacup. It has been extremely hard on each of us. Master and I have been there to help teacup in processing just as she has been here for us too.

I know the Dominants I have been with have felt it their responsibility to be there for the submissive because the dynamic ending impacts so many parts of daily life. I know in my past relationships it helped me to have the Dominants support me while I processed and healed my heart.  I am thankful for having such caring and kind men in my life. 

My first dominant after my marriage was a long distance relationship. He broke things off with me because he knew I wanted M/s and he didn't and he also was wanting someone closer in distance to him. I am lucky he was a really nice gentleman as he kept in contact with me for a long time after our break up. Because he had been my dominant and had control over my life one day and then the next didn't so he didn't want me to feel completely abandoned. He helped me process and work through the grief of the break up. Eventually we lost touch with each of us moving.  But I am ever grateful for the contact he had in those months after the breakup.
 
My breakup with Kam was extremely hard because it wasn't a true breakup. We ended the M/s, but continued the Daddy/little girl and went to being boyfriend/girlfriend and still lived together.  It was hard because I had been enslaved so serving him all day every day for almost 3 years and then we changed that so it was hard not to just naturally do the things I had been doing - such as getting him a drink and the other acts of service that were my daily life. I did do some as his girlfriend and little girl, but it was hard to figure out the line and boundaries. He was very kind and supportive of me trying to process the end of the M/s. 

Maintaining a connection even as friends/family I think is important after ending a D/s or M/s relationship.   The dynamic can be difficult to move on from because our worlds become so intertwined with these kind of relationships. When that dynamic ends, it can leave each party feeling lost, confused, and alone. So reaching out to one another to ensure each person is processing and moving forward safely - is just a good thing to do.  The people involved come to each other knowing each person is hurting, processing and dealing with grief differently, but not abandoning each other.
 
For some people it might be easier or just part of their personal coping from grief to not have that other person around. In the end you need to do what is best for you, but communicate that so the other knows to seek support elsewhere. 

When D/s protocols have been such a big part of each persons life, it can be hard to navigate the world without it in place. We each had responsibilities in the dynamic and just because the dynamic ends doesn't mean the connection stops. Be kind to yourself and each other.

Monday, November 18, 2013

New to FetLife?

I (heart) FetLife: BDSM & Fetish Community for 
Kinksters, by kinkstersAre you thinking of joining FetLife?  A little nervous and curious what you will find?  What to know some tips on helping your experience be more positive on FetLife?

FetLife is like Facebook for kinky people.  It isn't geared towards finding a dominant, submissive or just sex partner - it's not a meat market. But I will say by participating you might find someone that captures your interest so it isn't out of the possibility to find a kinky partner. 

So tips:
  • Fill out your profile. -  Be honest, be yourself, be open, but no need to overshare or spill out your whole life's history on it.  If you feel your profile is going too long. Make it a writing and link to it in your profile. (FAQ on how to link and other FetLife formating codes)
  • Upload a photo.  Men having just dick shots won't make people flock to you. Make sure you have other photos uploaded please. I have to say the same for women - just tits and pussy shots don't do anything to help you find someone.  
  • Fetishes - Having a huge list of fetishes makes it harder to scroll through your profile. I suggest not listing every single one and listing those that are the most important and you feel define the type of dynamic you are in or seek.
This is a social media platform so join groups, share photos and writings, comment, and jump in to get know people and make friends. I really wouldn't suggest one group over another as it really goes to what groups match your interests best.  Such as if you are new to the kinky world - then Novices and Newbies might be good for you. Interested in Poly and Kinky?  Or are you Kinky and Geeky?  A submissive woman?  My suggestion is look at the groups your friends like. You can browse them on their profiles. I have friends with similar interests so have found good groups by finding groups my friends are a part of too.
 
By participating in groups, posting blogs, commenting and just generally interacting with others on this type of internet platform - you will get people voicing all sorts of views - often in disagreement with your own. It is a public forum made for everyone to share opinions, thoughts, beliefs and silly stuff. So don't take anything too personally and view it as learning experience instead of an attack. We all want to be heard and connect with people and this type of platform can give us that - just not always in ways we expect.

Last bit of advice - Think before posting and be true to you.

Thursday, October 31, 2013

Fainted During Play

This past weekend we were at a local event and I just briefly mentioned something that happened to me years ago.  I went to look in my blog to see if I could find mention of it and I couldn't find it. I thought it happened in 2001 with a play partner, but couldn't find it so thought I would share. 

I had been in the scene for about 7 years when this happened.  I had played before and not ate all day so really didn't think anything of doing it again. I mean I knew that it was a risk and had heard that you should eat, but I never had a bad reaction - except one time.

My play partner put cuffs on me and attached me to a St. Andrew's cross.  He was flogging me for a bit and then I started feeling clammy and dizzy.  I called to him and he came up to me and I said, "I think I am going to faint..." - and I fainted. I slumped and he grabbed me. Luckily I was attached to the St. Andrews because I could have fell on the hard floor near several pieces of equipment and possibly hit my head. He called a friend over and just as he was going to have her undo a cuff, I came right back.  He got me out the restraints and sat me down.

After we talked to try to figure out what it could have been - running down a list of usual suspects in these kind of cases - locking knees, meds, illness, fatigue, not eating and so on. I realized at that moment - I hadn't ate. We still don't know if that is the case, because as I said above I had played without eating all day before and never had a bad reaction.  But this time I did.  My play partner was fairly new to the scene so he actually was happy to have a learning experience from the situation. Upset I fainted, but glad to see what happens and what to take away from it.  From that scene on -  I made sure I ate before hand so I learned too.  I have never fainted again.

I have a good friend that faints from playing quite often - just because her body goes into shock with pain play.  Her body just doesn't know how to handle the assault of the sensations and goes into shock.  So she has to negotiate and really educate her top before playing.

My point of telling this story is....things happen. Sometimes we can prepare for them. Sometimes we can't. Sometimes things happen and there is no explanation of why.  It is okay.  Do your best to learn from it and move forward.

Here are two links to learn more about illness and fainting during play:
Facing Sudden Illness During Play
Assessment and Treatment of "Fainting" During BDSM Play

Monday, October 28, 2013

Service to Enhance His Life

I think a pitfall of  D/s and M/s relationships is thinking that you have to do x,y, z to actually be "doing it right."  But really there is no right way to do a D/s or M/s relationship.  Do what works for you.  Do what fits in your relationship naturally.  Finding protocols, rules or service can only be figured out by the people in the dynamic because you live your lives day in and day out.  It doesn't need to be complicated.  You don't need page after page of rules or protocols.  Start small and simple and build on it.

It is easy to take things people say they do and make them work for you.  A protocol I have read is about the submissive walking on the right side and one step behind the dominant. Now why people do that - I am not so sure.  But we have taken that rule and made it into a practical service I do for Master. He has me walk on his right side because he is hard of hearing and that is the side of his good ear. So I walk on the right side so he can hear me. He didn't create this rule because it is what "slaves should do" - he created it because it makes his life easier. So figure out how to make rules, protocol and service that enhances daily life.  


Here are some examples of service that I do in my dynamic that might help spark ideas for your dynamic...


  • Chauffeur/Driver - I do drive Master very occasionally
  • Domestic Service - I clean, do laundry and cook
  • Secretary - I take notes for his business, do filing, manage household bills, sort mail, shred paper work and so on
  • Personal care - give him massages, cut his toenails, give manicures, trim eye brows/pluck eye brows, trim his goatee, shave him, at times I will wash him and/or wash his hair, make sure he takes all his meds and vitamins daily, set out his clothes, take care of his clothes - such as buttons replaced, hems falling, boot-black/polish shoes, pack if we are traveling
  • Yard Work
  • General Catch-All - such as general household repairs - such as the sprayer on the sink wasn't working and so I replaced it or maybe Master needs something I can't do then I research or handle parts of it - if not all of it - such as we need to get a bush/tree pulled out of our backyard then I will be calling around to get prices and see what the process is like, cleaning the inside of the car, or shopping for gifts or making them if he wishes
  • Companion - I often ride with Master even if it is him going into a meeting for an hour and him just wanting me there when he gets out. He likes to snuggle up on the couch watching a movie or playing a game - he enjoys my company and wants me available to be able to relax with him.

I am sure I am forgetting things, but this is just a starter list to get you thinking about areas of service. You also might want to read this post over on our website about the authority Master has over my life.

As always talk. I suggest if you are submissive reading this that before implementing any type of service - talk to your dominant.  See if he/she wants it  - because if he/she doesn't then it isn't really serving them.  To help figure out what areas will make the most sense in your dynamic -make lists of everything that the dominant does everyday for a couple of days to a week and then go through together and see if there are things the submissive can do to help serve the dominant.  Be realistic and practical, but don't forget you can add some spice to things if you both desire mixing the things you fantasize about with real life.

Sunday, October 27, 2013

Blogoversary

I have been blogging 13 years today. 

Here is my first blog entry....October 27, 2000

Blogger Here I Come...

This is my first post to my blogger...woohoo lol

I created a new name for myself today and so with that step into a new direction...I decided to creat this blogger and start posting my thoughts, rants, raves and whisperings.

I created a new name that fits me better then I think any other name has - Danae. There is a painting by Gustav Klimt titled Danae. I have been drawn to it for years. Here is a link to a picture of the painting: http://www.cs.virginia.edu/~dbi9m/klimt/pix/Women/pDanae.jpg

I did a search trying to find out what the painting meant...Who Danae was....And I found out that she is the mother of Perseus in Greek Mythology. When doing a search on Danae I came up with a site that told the meaning of names...and it had Danae listed.

It is what made me see that the name Danae was meant for me....

Here is what it read:
The name of Danae gives you a clever, quick, analytical mind, but you suffer with a great deal of self-consciousness, lack of confidence, and much aloneness because of misunderstandings. Your idealistic and sensitive nature gives you a deep appreciation for the finer things of life and a strong desire to be of service to humanity. There are times when you experience inner turbulence at your inability to say what you mean. It is far easier for you to express your deeper thoughts and feelings through writing than verbally. You find pleasure in literature, in poetry, and in your ideals and will turn to them when you feel you have been misunderstood. You are deeply moved by the beauties of life, especially nature. Because your feelings run deep, you must guard against the ups and downs, being very inspired one minute, then moody, reserved, and depressed the next. Your reactions to people vary according to how you feel. You tend to be secretive and noncommittal about private matters, yet at times you will talk effusively in order to hide your self-consciousness or to lead others away from personal subjects. You are inspired by encouragement from others, yet suspicious of their intent. You crave affection but seldom find anyone who understands your nature. Physical weaknesses would show in your heart, lungs, or bronchial organs.

Those above words describe me almost too well.....

So today I created the name Danae and start a new path....

Good Night...

peace & serenity,
danae

Tuesday, October 01, 2013

Confessions

Here is a conversation we had tonight...

I am perving on porn and send Master a link to a photo....

me: Do you see something familiar in this photo...?
Him: Oh well it was only that one time
me: Master, she is pregnant....are you sure there isn't something you want to tell me?
Him: Well I do have a confession I booked us ticket for Maury Povich


The photo had a pregnant woman on a bed that had our headboard.

Monday, September 30, 2013

Rule the World

I have had this blog entry about half done for about a month and I was missing some key points to it. So would open it up and work on it when things came to me. But one other thing that was missing was the title.  This post is about consent, but at the same time the things I am writing about is about those that seem to inadvertently try to rule the world and not just their submissive. I am going to date myself because as soon as that came to me - Tears for Fears song came to mind.


It is amazing to me that as a whole the BDSM community talks about consent yet at the same time does so many things that aren't consensual. It often comes in forms of d-type's making their s-type submit and ends up inadvertently placing those outside the dynamic in a situation where they have to follow along/submit/obey or ignore it completely - which is what I usually do when those kind of things come up.  I don't think that many d-types are really trying to rule the world, but with all the rules and protocols they make to follow - it can get a little tricky navigating. 

Here are a few things that are often mistaken as fact instead of actually being myths because they put people in a non-consensual situation where they don't want to follow along.

* You are Submissive so Submit to EVERYONE! - First there is a good article and image by Mia over on FetLife using the saying, "Submissive, but not YOUR submissive" so go check that out. Many years ago, I was at a friend's collaring ceremony and one of the dominants at the party told me to go do something. He didn't ask me if I would, he told me to do this task because I was submissive.  He felt he was in the right because he is dominant and I am submissive so of course I should submit to him. Which of course isn't true - that is just what he felt. My friend was standing nearby and overheard it.  She looked at him and said, "Did you lose your manners to order a submissive around when she isn't your submissive?"  He got all flustered and acted like I had misunderstood him. Over the years unfortunately situations like that have happened more then I care to remember - it happened more when I was single and it is hard for me to understand why someone thinks I am just going to submit to them without knowing them and...oh yeah consenting to it. I politely remind those that think because I am submissive means I will submit to everyone -  that I am not their submissive and I don't consent. Now as an owned slave, I only follow the orders of one man. So this is my words of wisdom for d-types - check your ego at the door and remember to use old fashion manners when speaking to anyone - submissive or not - it doesn't matter. In ordering a submissive around that isn't your submissive  - you aren't acting consensually.  Please try to remember that.


* Dominating my Submissive and the Whole World needs to Obey too - I think sometimes people don't realize that orders they give often aren't just making their submissive submit, but making all of us submit without consent. Years and years ago before I was Master's slave, I was at a 2 day meeting/class for submissives. On the second day, we all arrived, sat down, one of the submissives pulled off her shirt and bra, and sat there. The facilitator, asked why she was doing that.  The submissive had been ordered by her dominant to sit topless at this class. Now these meetings were totally non-sexual. They were about service and just the mindset of submitting. No BDSM play was involved and nothing sexual was hardly even talked about it because it was more about the dynamics and the mindset within the dynamic - so that was highly inappropriate for the setting.  This submissive's dominant took it upon himself to make us all submit to his kink by making his submissive go topless at the class. The facilitator luckily helped the submissive to see that - how her dominant was making us all submit to his desires even though he didn't have our consent, how inappropriate it was for that setting,  and that there is a time and place for everything - so submissive put her bra and top on.

Another example that we all see happen on profiles on FetLife and Collarme or back in the old days on Bondage.com or even AOL profiles. They say "Write or talk my dominant before writing/talking to me" or from dominants profiles "When writing me address me as Sir..." - that is your kink and you are trying to order me to follow your rule. I am sorry I don't consent to that - you didn't ask me if it was okay. You just put it out there as a rule and you think I am suppose to follow even though again I am not your submissive.  I don't submit to everyone - I submit to Master. I know d-types are meaning to dominate their submissive when making such a rule, but please think about if the rule is doing that or are you, by accident, making others consent to it too. Do you really want everyone out there to submit to you without asking? Because again...that is not consensual.   If you really want control over who emails your submissive, then read the submissive's emails.  Put it in the profile of the submissive "my dominants will read my emails." Then it is the choice of the person emailing if they want to or not and you are putting the rule on your submissive and not on everyone else. Again think about who the rule controls....your submissive or the rest of us.

* Permission, Rules and Protocol are the same for Everyone -  Of course that isn't true. There is no universal protocols in BDSM. Are there things that are common throughout - sure, but even those can have exceptions. Such as it is fairly common that people under the BDSM umbrella use safewords, except for some of us don't. Master and I don't. I don' t have a safeword.  If I feel sick or a cuff is too tight, I just let Master know.  Another common one is that there is no talking or interupting scenes in dungeons, except when you are getting a bunch of people together to specifically be in on the scene. Such as many people getting together to piss on one or multiple bottoms. So there are things that are common, but do know there is always exceptions. We are all different. Every relationship has a different set of rules, protocols and things that require permission so don't expect us all to act alike.

Recently I asked a friend if I could post an essay she wrote on our website and instead of going to her Master and asking him - I asked her.  I know she knows her rules and if she needs permission from him that she would ask him - which she did.  Because ultimately I am not responsible for knowing her rules, protocols or things that require permission or any other s-type's - I am responsible for following my Master's. So if you need permission to go to lunch, make plans, send a package, open a package, have chocolate that I mailed to you, or so on or so forth - those are your responsibility and not mine.  You know your rules and I shouldn't be held to following them because again ultimately I don't consent to your rules - just Master's. Just as you don't consent to mine.

Making the world call you Sir or Ma`am - I already posted about this. A d-type making all s-types call them Sir or Ma`am without asking is not acting consensually. S-types calling all d-types Sir or Ma'am isn't consensual either. Read the linked post to find out why this is just not cool.

* Pushing our Kink on the World - When Master and I are in public, we have protocols that are very subtle and not hardly  noticed by even those in the BDSM community. Anything that would be more intrusive into someone's space or around vanillas, we wouldn't do because we don't want to push our kink on them without asking if they are okay with it. There are some areas that displaying our kinks out in the open is fine - such as at a BDSM event such as Thunder. When you walk into the dungeon you know you are going to see lots of people's kinks on display. If something makes you uncomfortable - walk away. But lets say we are in a vanilla setting and Mistress So and So comes walking into our little coffee shop where BDSM group discussions are at - she has her human pet on a leash and they are all decked out in fetish wear. At that point you are putting your kink on to every person in that coffee shop. You are making them consent to something they didn't realize they would be seeing. That isn't cool.

I think we all tend to think at times that it is okay and no a big deal to put some of our protocols, rule and things that require permission out there in the world because we really don't look at the bigger picture of how it makes others submit to it instead of just the one in service. But the whole point is we do -  we all too often  make people consent to our kinks without realizing it. So please before you make a rule think about who you are really making submit to that...is it your submissive? Or is it the rest of us?

Friday, September 27, 2013

Packing List....

We are going to a kinky gathering tomorrow.  I was checking my list of things to pack/bring....

Pasta Salad
Spoon for salad
Brownies
M&M's
Plates, silverware, mugs
Kettle
Hot Cocoa and Tea
Paper Towels
Towels
Ziplock bags
Bottled Water
Leash
Gag
Cuffs
Ibuprofen, Inhaler, allergy meds
Garbage Bags
Blankets
Winter coats, earmuffs, gloves

This list amuses me....because of course it seems like a regular old list for people going on a picnic/camping. But right there in the middle you can see a few things that aren't regular camping items.Looking forward to getting together with like minded people tomorrow.

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