Just Life

photo of Rocky Mountain National Park.

I haven't done a life update in a long time so thought I would throw out what is going on....

* Last weekend Master took me a place that had special memories for me. It was a place that my ex-husband and I used to go. I didn't want to re-write those memories, but I just wanted memories with Master there. It was almost 17 years to the day that I was there last with my ex-husband - Master I were there.  Master and I had a great time and made some amazing memories! I appreciate him making time in his schedule to make that happen for me and us.

* This week many of those areas are covered with water and being evacuated. It is so sad.

* Friends: Excited to see friends, who we haven't seen a while, this week.  We have been enjoying the company of another friend this past week.  Thankful for a conversation with a friend that helped me in some areas I am struggling.  Thankful to yet another friend creating an interesting week by throwing me under the bus a few times. :)

* Our town has had a more active community the last several months. Master and I have become more active in it. We are enjoying getting to know people. Something we were really wanting were discussions and demos and that has been happening.

* Because of being more active - you might have noticed I have been more active in blogging as I have had more ideas for topics.  Which is why I am going to be blogging about some basic things, because our community does have quite a lot of people new to BDSM.

* Drama and gossip happens in all groups. But I can say that is one thing I didn't miss about being active in a community. It has been hard, because as much as I have missed community - sometimes the drama and group think really can take a toll on me and I think I survived for 10 years without it so do I really need it?

* I  am about embracing the whole community though. Even those that I don't agree with or even people I don't like that much - we all are still part of the people under the same umbrella - BDSM community.  If we can't come together for the better of the community then we have no business talking.  It kind of reminds me of the quote that Dr. Brene Brown uses in her book Daring Greatly by Theodore Roosevelt - "It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat."  I am in the arena and I doing my best and doing what is right for everyone in the community - not just myself. Because of course it is for myself - I want community so there is something there for me. But I see a bigger picture and maybe that was because I was so involved with a great community in Ohio.

* End of February Master updated my phone to an iPhone. I have been taking photos non-stop since then. I submitted some photos to an author when they had a call for submissions.  I really didn't think I would be chosen, but I was, so one of my photos will be published in a book.

* Master and I have been traveling so much.We have put 20,000 miles on the car in 9 months.

* I had an end of the summer cold that lasted 2 weeks. I still have some cough, but the cold is gone. 

* This year has been a great year for me creatively - art, photography and poetry.  I just have put so much of myself into it and I feel the joy coming of it in waves.

* Having lots of joy through creativity, but I am also struggling with loss of myself in movement.  My body is giving way to illness and I am having to learn how to do things differently now.

* Gratitude is a practice - that I try to engage in daily.  Thought I would share some from of my positives from my life the last couple months: Poetry dates, taking photos of old buildings, spankings from Master,  meeting new friends, dressing up, naps, being published, art time, brownies, game night, laughing, tea, therapy, bruises that make me smile every time I look at them, a clean house, Chinese food while watching John Stewart, playing in the park (not BDSM play just having fun in a park - dancing, taking goofy photos and so on), fans for hot summer days, mindfucks, sleep, doodles, pretty drives and time with Master, pink toenails, hot fudge sundaes, books, art supplies, and productive days.  I could go on and on. I really love the practice of gratitude as it helps me with my daily outlook on life. Helps me move forward on pain filled days where I start to feel hopeless.

* Adding this....we just revamped our website and Master and I both talked about moving our blogs completely over there.  How would you feel about having one place for M's and my blog?   I will tell you I will have a little bit of a problem moving, but only for sentimental reasons of blogging on blogspot for 13 years next month.  But thought I would throw it out to the actual people reading my blog.  Please feel free to leave a comment or email me.

Thank you Violet Blue

I am terribly flattered that Violet Blue has visited my tumblr and recommended it to her readers. If you don't know her, please go check out her blog. She is one of those people that I am sure if I ever met I would be doing a fangirl squee as she is a notorious sex educator that I have read and admired for years.

As she said on the post about my tumblr, I do try to credit. If you find an image there that isn't credited and you recognize, please feel free to let me know by emailing me at danaewhispering@yahoo.com. I do really want to promote and recognize the talented people who turn me on! Also if you find an image that is yours and you don't want it posted here, please feel free to email me - I will take it down as soon as I get your email.

So thank you Violet Blue for recommending my tumblr and welcome to all the visitors she has sent my way...to my blog and my tumblr.

Words...Part 5

I have been doing this meme with some friends where they give me 5 words that come to mind to describe me and then I write about the words.

So here are some of the words I have been given and my thoughts on them....

Slavery - The meaning of slavery for me hasn't changed really over the years but the understanding of it has a lot. For me being a slave means to be owned and under the authority of another. What all that entailed I don't think I got until being with Master. I mean my previous long term M/s relationship really introduced me to service. But it really didn't give me an understanding of being owned at least not in this sense it has with Master. Master has this presence in my life that makes me feel as though this life is inescapable. Not that I want to escape but it is just the feeling of having no other choice but to serve and obey...to be his property. I didn't quite feel that before - in the other relationship...it was a conscious choice to obey, serve and stay.

Basement-Dweller - The lovely lady that gave me these words and her handsome husband gave me shelter in more ways then just being their basement-dweller. I am ever grateful for their compassion and generosity to open their home to me. Although I was going through a horrible time - depression eating me away big time - I still have many fond memories of living with them.

Depression - I really can look back and see it ever present in my life. Even 4 years old I remember having it. Although I had many happy times and good memories there was that ever presence underneath that didn't see anything good. It also runs in my family - back several generations it can be traced.

I didn't get help for my depression though until in my mid-20's. I was put on prozac and it was a horrible experience. I mean yes it helped me come up out of the darkness but it turned all my emotions off. I remember my Mom calling me to tell me one of her Aunt's died and I was just like "okay." I didn't get upset or feel anything. It also messed with my sexuality too - making me not ever be interested in sex and when we had sex - it was hard for me to orgasm. I went off them about 4 years later and feel I have had long term side-affects because of the prozac. Memory loss from it being the biggest thing.

Several years ago - I was having a really bad run of the depression. I started taking wellbutrin. Master saw an improvement in almost a weeks time. And I haven't had the horrible side-affects. I feel my emotions but they don't drag me all over the place or hang on and on and on. And it didn't turn my sexuality off - thank goodness!

When I went back to visit family, I was very annoyed by their judgment of anti-depressants. My Dad encouraged my Mom to stop taking her anti-depressant. He doesn't want her "addicted" to them. I tried to give my Mom another example for it - she is diabetic and I said do you think he would tell you to go off your diabetic meds so you don't get addicted to them? She said she understood but I could see she really was thinking it wasn't the same thing. They don't view depression as the same as having another disease. Depression is all my head - not real and not really physical illness. They think if I really tried I could "get better." Luckily - as an adult now I don't give a damn what they think. And I can say that. I can say that I will be on meds as long as I need them. They help me and it is a better quality of life with them then without.

Happiness - I think for a long time I felt like I didn't deserve to be happy. That there was something bad or wrong with me so I didn't get to be happy. I also think I thought happiness was something different then I view it now. I think I thought happiness was a state of feeling good and everything being smiley. But obviously that isn't a state of being that can be maintained all day everyday - so not realistic. Basically I now view happiness as a state of contentment with myself and my path. And that I have that thankfully.

Integrity - I think a lot of people throw this word around as part of their "code" but don't really do what it means. I don't use this word when I describe things I live by. And it isn't because I don't think I have integrity. I just think it is a word that is used and not lived so it doesn't have as much meaning to me anymore.

Winner

Okay well first...I do have a few more questions to answer. But I have been plagued with migraines from hell. So it just will have to wait. Hopefully I can at least get one out tomorrow.

Next the true reason for this post...I am a winner! It is a rare occasion when I sign up for something and win - I mean even Ebay auctions I seem to lose. But I won a $20 gift certificate to Babeland over on Sleeping Dreamer. Thank you to Sleeping Dreamer and Babeland! yay!

Thank you!

Thank you everyone who commented here, on my LJ and via email to my last post. I really appreciate it. And I might do a post about it also - thoughts behind some of the answers.

Thank you for all the questions I have gotten over at LJ and via email. Please feel free to keep them coming.

We got back late last night and I just wanted to write a little reminder of somethings I want to write about on our trip to the mountains...

* Great bed for bondage so.....amazing kinky sex!
* The hood - what this hood was doing to my forehead - maybe post to the hood group on FetLife
* Service at convention center
* Poly thoughts - of us 3 - such as all 3 being there in the mountains together
* Taking care of Master when he is sick and how it makes me feel


Now I am going to go work on some of the Q&A's so those should be coming up soon.

Happy Holidays!

This year has been the least I have blogged. But I don't want to give up writing here so I hope those of you that read will keep hanging on with me. And I hope that I will be able to write more this next year.

We have had an incredibly busy but good year. I am very thankful for all we have in our lives...especially each other. Master and I recently were saying we might not like where we live and need a bigger home but we are blessed we have a roof over our head with so many out there struggling to make mortgage payments. We have a business that keeps growing. It pays our bills and allows us to do some fun things. It allows us to be together all the time. I remember when I was nervous 2 years ago that we might have problems adjusting to being around each other all the time but it was quite the opposite. We enjoy all the time we have together...whether during work or play it is all time we have together we count as one of our blessings.

Some simple pleasures of right now...

A white Christmas - snow on the ground and more coming our way
Christmas carols playing
Cookies and candies on the table
the tree all decorated even added an Obama ornament to it today
Hot apple cider in a cute Christmas mug

And tonight we will have dinner and then do one my favorite traditions with Master...go look at Christmas lights.

I know these are just a few things but recognize that I have many things to be counting as blessings in my life.

I wish all of you Happy Holidays!

Positive Monday

I haven't done a Positive Monday in a while so...

5 Good Things in my Life...

1. New warm pj bottoms that keep me warm that I got a Kohl's on clearance!
2. Making a friend happy by being able to send a friend something I had just sitting around...that she has wanted and will use.
3. The library having a website to order books online and they will have waiting for me! Easy pick up - especially since I never seem to find things where they are suppose to be in our library. I am anxiously awaiting Eat, Pray, Love and the 2nd book to the Twilight series!
4. For Godiva Chocolate -- Sao Tome Dark Chocolate with Cocoa Nibs - oh yums!
5. Master always seeming to know what to do when I am struggling.

Raining to get a Rainbow....

I haven't been posting much this week as I have had a week long migraine cycle. I looked back in my journal and the last 3 years in January I have had week long migraine cycles after my period.

Although I have had the migraine cycle, I did have some good things in my life this past week...and I am very thankful for them and the many other things in my life that are good!

• I was productive on a few projects
• I received 2 packages in the mail from people I adore!
• We got snow on Wednesday that was just so beautiful...had this very serene feeling to it. And it also called for warm comfort food - so I made Chili and cornbread that day.
• Several magazines in the mail that had some really good recipes in them that I want to try out.
• I got to dance with Master
  
• Tea with cream
• Enjoying Big Love - Master got me season 1 and 2 on DVD for Christmas
• Playtime!
  

Positive Monday

I haven't done a Positive Monday in a while so....

5 good things in my life...
1. Christmas cards and gifts coming through mail and email!
2. The Christmas tree sparkling in the living room!
3. Snow...this is the first year we will really be having a white Christmas in several years.
4. Naps in the middle of the afternoon with Master
5. Tea...a cup of hot tea to warm me up!

Today was a pretty light day after last week. I just did some chores around the house. And that is about it. Tomorrow I want to get some goodie trays together for neighbors and such. I was going to do ironing today and didn't so need to get to that still. And figure out what to pack for Christmas away. That is about all that is going on with me right now.

A Little Gratitude...

I am thankful for...

1. Mail Love! For getting Christmas cards from friends and family and also getting all our Christmas cards mailed out.
2. Cookies and Treats....I am thankful that my treats will be enjoyed by many people and that I just like baking.
3. The Christmas Tree....it is so pretty!
4. Christmas music to make me feel so happy!
5. That a lot of our shopping is done!
6. Airborne....because whenever I feel a cold coming on I feel better after a few times of taking it.
7. Chinese food...oh how I love it...Master treated me to it tonight since I would be working hard baking.
8. For a roof over our head, food on our table and just being able to enjoy life.
9. For our kitty cats looking so cute always.
10. Master....I am truly blessed to be a part of his life and get this time to celebrate the magic of Christmas with him.

Positive Monday

5 Good Things in my Life...
1. My friend Carolynn....I have been remiss in thanking her for the GREAT birthday cards she sent me...2 of them! Both of them were great...thank you!
2. My friend Jessica...for calling me and making me smile.
3. Sharing a bowl of vanilla bean ice cream with Master at lunch today.
4. The Quiet Man - and the way he grabs and kisses her
5. Princess stickers!

Good Birthday!

We are home (again)! Got in last night.

I want to thank everyone for the wonderful, touching, beautiful comments, emails, cards. I am so very blessed to have a great friends list! Thank you all so much! ♥ ♥

I had a wonderful birthday. We didn't celebrate it with cake and singing of Happy Birthday - which was my wish that we wouldn't. But we celebrated with just doing lots of fun things and seeing my parents. It was a wonderful wonderful weekend! I am very grateful to Master for the words, the gifts, the time he created for my birthday. I am truly a lucky girl!

I am going to work on a longer post so that I can remember the weekend forever

Positive Monday

5 Good Things in my Life...
1. Apples and Peanut Butter
2. Feeling creative and actually getting some art work done
3. The Harlequin by Laurell K. Hamilton - so far I am enjoying it
4. Biscuits - made some for dinner and they tasted so good!
5. My robe and slippers as it is chilly here tonight....feels like fall!

Positive Monday

5 Good Things in my Life...
1. Mail Love...I got a puffy envelope full of all different kinds of tea and a beautiful handmade card from my wonderful friend C. Thank you so much! That was so sweet of you!
2. A perfect day for tea as it is rainy and cloudy...so about to go brew some.
3. Being able to help Master from afar even with things I have never done before.
4. A clean worktable....and the desire and time to create...and for encouragement from Master to go for it.
5. Opportunities that have been created in something I did last week...so many wonderful things are coming from it.

I am very thankful for all those things....and more. I have a friend that ends her gratitude posts with "and recognize that I am grateful for so much more." And I truly feel that way too.

Gratitude Tuesday

~ W ~

Words - really it says it all....sitting here typing a way at my computer posting to forums, groups, and blogs. But it is not only written word but spoken word that is important. All words have power...power to evoke emotions.

A few more W words that are important to my life...world, write, wit, wisdom, whore, will, wishing, walk, warm, Whedon, wash, water, waiting, women, wings, watch, whisper, and within reality. I am thankful for all those and much more.

Positive Monday

5 Good Things in my life...
1. That I had a really interesting and good night out.
2. For yummy Thai food for dinner
3. twirly skirt that I wore tonight
4. for the ability to chat with Master via text messages, phone or im while he is out of town (phone towers here were having problems yesterday and so when it started working again it reminded me how thankful I am for the ability to chat with Master through out the day)
5. sunglasses - they were needed yesterday when I was out and about

Positive Monday + Labeling

I had a migraine today so I needed to do mindless task. So I labled/tagged over 300 journal entries. I am not even NEAR done but I would like them all labeled eventually. It would be nice so that I can find things easier.

5 Good Things in Life...
1. Master always taking such good care of me....making sure I rested, getting us dinner and making things easier for me with my migraine.
2. Library books! I am reading The Lovely Bones right now and it is very good.
3. Water....I am grateful for water as I have been drinking a lot today
4. Airborne - I felt like I was getting a cold and been taking it and those symptoms seem to be getting better
5. That Jessica is back...I missed her.


Adding this link....a girl that has an iPhone got her first bill...it is 300 pages long.

Positive Monday

5 Good Things in my Life...
1. For the wonderful evening I had with Master. My bottom is hurting in a very good way. He did a spanking that was incredible...and probably the longest spanking without stopping.
2. Master being a drummer because number 1 is so delicious because of it. Really I told him tonight we should record him drumming my ass. He used his hands and 3 different drum sticks I think tonight. And he was making music to me! Hey I was very floaty....it was music to me. But I do know he was accompanying U2 very nicely!
3. The way my t-shirt feels against my breasts...ever so slightly brushing against my skin...my nipples. It feels wonderfully sensual tonight....with this t-shirt I have worn many times.
4. For the way my panties slide over my red bottom and softly rub against my ultra sensitive skin.
5. A really nice weekend with Master...lots of quality time!

Graitude Tuesday - V

~ V ~

I am grateful for my voice...it allows me to speak, ramble, shout, mutter, babble, vent, roar. It lets me cry or sing a song. It flows out in exclamation. It lets me groan and moan. It allows me to vote, express, have choice, give approval, and participate. It is my words spoken and written. My voice exposes, reveals and hides me.

Gratitude Tuesday

I haven't done a Gratitude Tuesday post in a while so wanting to get back into it...



~ U ~

Us...

together...just fits so good. And I am very thankful for it. He is Master and I am slave. Both of us like similar things such as movies and food. Both of us have similar moral and political beliefs. Both of us finish each others thoughts and sentences. Both of us like the seasons and seeing the progress of those seasons around us. Both of us love where we live....our beautiful state of Colorado. Both of us take care of each other. Both of us like to give people presents and help people out. Both of us enjoy art and music. Both of us have quirky little things...such as loving office supplies, watching movies over and over and over, being packrats, seeing the reuse of things, and making lists. Both of us read each others thoughts....one or the other often will think of something and not verbalize it and a moment later the other will say it out loud. It gives me shivers that we think so alike. But we fit together....and it works for us.