Does the D/s fade?

Is it unavoidable for the D/s to fade or become sporadic in a long-term D/s relationship?

I think it is a common misunderstanding that the D/s is fading. But to me once you get to know each other and the honeymoon periods ends --- we are actually in the real state of the relationship. And I think we tend to forget to enjoy that state. We just keep thinking back on the honeymoon period and saying why can't it be like that. When in reality, that wasn't the real state of how things would be long term. So D/s isn't fading. The new relationship energy and honeymoon period is fading and real life is left in its place.

The power dynamic we have was set in place is still there. It is there even more to me now. I see myself as slave more now then I did at that time. Because now I feel I serve him more. Those early days he had to have much more focus on me and attention to train me and also just because I was a needy girl. Now he doesn't.

I think sometimes maybe we are more comfortable with the struggles and excitement that happens in the beginning of the relationship then the just everyday-ness that life has to it. It took a while for me to be grateful for the everyday ordinary quality my life has to it - when I was so used to the chaos of my life before Master. And I have learned to appreciate that I am owned, serve an amazing man and get peace from that.

A topic for a Kink Conference....

If you were asked to do a workshop at a kink conference, what topic would you chose to do? Why?

Well...I have done that - spoke at conference and meetings. And I am horrible at it as I am such a nervous public speaker that the whole front row moves back for fear of me getting sick on them. So not sure I would want to do that again. But I know that if we (Master and I) were asked he would probably say yes so I would have to deal.

My very first time public speaking in the BDSM community was in 1999. It was about being living life as 24/7 slave. I wore a corset type top that laced up the front and my tits were spilling out of it and I told everyone to look at them instead of listening because I was so nervous. And everyone there would agree and several commented on it, but it is also when I got the label insane for being a slave. I had lots of you really do this 24/7 type comments. The very good thing of that night is that I met a very close friend - Moni. She came up to me after the meeting and we look at each other and knew things about each other just in the one look.

The last time I spoke it was with Master and again so damn nervous I felt like I was reading a book report instead of speaking from passion of the topic which is living life within reality.

I usually always speak about M/s relationships so if I had to speak again I am sure it would be about that.

Wish I didn't.....

There is a FetLife group for lifestyle blog prompts...

The first question is...."something you have done that you wish you didn't."

I think in life in general we all have those things we wish we didn't do. Not really a regret just moments we cringe at the thought of it. I am not happy how I got into or how I handled some relationships. I do go back and forth with a wish that one relationship I was in didn't happen at all. But if that would have been the case then I wouldn't have met some lovely people. And I know I learned a lot in that time and experience many things I wouldn't have if I hadn't been there.

But as far as actual BDSM type things I wish I haven't done....even the things that were the most painful or degrading don't come to mind as something I wish I hadn't done. BDSM doesn't always equal fun to me. Just because something is hard, beyond pain I thought I could handle or mentally/emotionally hard to handle -- doesn't mean it doesn't turn me on. In fact many of those times -- thinking of them even now make me wet.

In service of course, I have screwed up and done things I wish I didn't but a lot of those things I have moved past and don't even remember what it was that I did before. I now do the thing he likes and that is all that I need to keep focus on.

And of course when these type of questions are asked I can never come up with anything. A month from now I will think of something.

Kindlings

a question from Kindlings.....

What words do you associate immediately with the following words?

fear - death
doubt - struggle
kneel - serenity
submit - yield
deprivation - sleep
responsible - irresponsible
brainwash - condition
collar - leash
tears - pain
complete - balanced
accountability - responsibility
isolation - closet
authority - Master

Kindlings: Part 4 of 4

Continued from....Kindlings post...

16. How many M/s dynamics have you been in? I have said in the past 4 before Master but I think often it is more like 1 M/s and 3 D/s plus then my M/s relationship with Master.

17. If your current one ended, would you seek to be owned again?
I am not sure, I think I would always try to find a partner that has a dominant personality but I don't know if I can handle doing all this again. Never say never though. But really I don't want to think about that as I hope Master wants me for a very very very long time.


18. Were you seeking ownership in any of your dynamics or did it occur as a natural progression?
First one it happened naturally -- I did not even know what M/s or BDSM was at that time.

As I said I always said 4 BDSM type relationships before Master but never put in my relationship with my ex husband Jim but in some contexts when I look at it could be considers and M/s relationship but it happened naturally also. But there is a flaw in that -- as it was not a true M/s -- from my point of view. (which is a long story.)

So the second that I name as second - I was seeking to learn more about D/s...as I finally put a name to the undercurrent that was in all of my relationships. It happened because I was seeking to learn more about D/s and BDSM.

Third I was seeking an M/s - O/p relationship.

Forth I was seeking an M/s -O/p relationship again and that person told me he wanted that eventually but he wanted it to form natuarally....which sounded great to me. In the end that was not the truth and he had been lying to me about that and many other things.

And then with Master we have O/p but i think even with him claiming me as His property did not internally make it so and that to me is a process that I think is on going....enslavement.

19. Do you make resolutions- at new year's or any other time of the year? No I don't

20. Do you believe in 'forever'? Romantic self says yes yes please! But more realistic self says no of course not.

Kindlings: Part 3 of 4

Continued from....Kindlings post...

11. Do you prefer 'sting' or 'thud'?
Umm depends on my mood and hormones.

12. What aspect of your life is hardest to surrender control over?
As odd as it may sound it is usually just little things cause me to get tripped up - like some days that I can't just eat without permission irritates me - although I obey there are someday I just want to say why! Usually those days are when I am exteremly hungry, fighting a migraine or pmsing but even though it is other factors does not mean I can use those as excuses.

13. Do you function better in a structured environment or a 'go with the flow' type of environment?
Kind of in between. I do fall in between - too structured and I feel like I might fail if I get off task. So I have a structure that is followed very loosely. It has lots of flexibility as Master and I believe if something is too structured it has more likeihood to break intsead of bend.

14. When do you feel the most beautiful?
When Master gives me long passionate kisses for no reason.

15. When was the last time you cried?
today

Kindlings: Part 2 of 4

Continued from....Kindlings post...

6. Do you want to get past your phobias, or accept them and work around your fears?
I want to work past the fear of mice but I am not quite sure how. I actually thought I was making progress as I used jump just looking at our cat's toy mice, but then that got better. I was not able to look at them even on TV once upon a time, but then got to the point where I could look and not have nightmares even if I did not still like looking at them. Then the mice invaded and all that was wiped out in one flat second so obviously I was not working past it when I thought I was doing well. I am still have some residual affects of it all -- silly I know but honest.

Some others fears -- bdsm fears like the hood I got over.

My feet being touched is still a hard one. Tickling can't do either. But I really don't want to work around those.

7. How do you communicate when you are angry/upset?
Talking, expressing emotions, and at times raising my voice not a trait that I like though. And sometimes I just work through it without communicating it outloud to anyone as it is an internal process.

8. How does your owner expect you to communicate when you are angry/upset?
calmly clearly without accusations or passive/aggressive behavior

9. Do you ever feel 'pet'like?
Yes, taking this as I feel like pet like and am at times am treated like a pet. I also feel like a puppy sometimes which to me is different then feeling pet like at times.

10. Do you prefer dogs or cats?
In general, I have always liked dogs better until living with Master and His cats. They are now my babies. Jim and I had a dog that was my baby....which is a story I actually have started in another blog draft entry. So that will wait.

In a BDSM sense, I have always been a puppy.

Kindlings: Part 1 of 4

From Kindlings Archive...it is a bunch of questions that I am going to split up into 4 posts.


1. What is your favorite scene from a book or movie that evoked a sense of your slavery?

I don't think there is a book or movie scene that evoked my own slavery. There were certainly books and movie scenes that I find interesting or make me hot in regards to the power exchange or SM going on in them..

Such as Secretary..
For the most part I did not get a sense of D/s in the Secretary. But I did enjoy the opening scenes with her in the bar and cuffs pouring the coffee. But most of the movie I did not relate to and enjoyed much more when looking at it from an entertainment point of view rather then expecting to relate to it.

There is an SM breath play scene in Killing Me Softly that makes me wiggle to no end! 9 1/2 Weeks makes me hot at times too...some of the control elements. But even the Quiet Man can make me smile when John Wayne spanks Maureen O'Hara or pushed her up against the wall with her arm pinned behind her and his hand in her hair...and kisses her.

Books...I resonated with several sections in The Market Place series. Books that I feel help me in my service and surrender to my Owner are usually books on religion or spirituality. Especially books on Buddhism. Another that has helped me is the Four Agreements.

A book I look forward to reading is Slavecraft by Guy Baldwin


2. What song or lyric reminds you of your dynamic?

I am not sure there is one I really relate to but there are some that make me smile when I hear them because I do think of the dynamic we have...

Such as Control by Puddle of Mud, Chains by Tina Arena, Cherish the Day by Sade, Pretty when you cry by VAST are just a few.

3. What is your favorite quote?

I am a quote whore so I just can't name one!

So here are a few...

"I would like to beg you to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and try to love "the questions themselves" as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don't search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything.

*Live* the questions now.

Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer."

- Rainer Maria Rilke

"If I have been of service, if I have glimpsed more of the nature and essense of ultimate good, if I am inspired to reach wider horizons of thought and action, if I am at peace with myself, it has been a successful day." ~ Alex Noble

A path is only a path, and there is no affront, to oneself or to others, in dropping it if that is what your heart tells you . . .Look at every path closely and deliberately. Try it as many times as you think necessary. Then ask yourself alone, one question . . .Does this path have a heart? If it does, the path is good; if it
doesn't it is of no use." -- Carlos Castaneda, The Teachings of Don Juan


"Perhaps all the dragons in our lives are princesses who are only waiting to see us act, just once, with beauty and courage. Perhaps everything that frightens us is, in its deepest essence, something helpless that wants our love." ~ Rainer Maria Rilke


"Try to find pleasure in the speed that you're not used to. Changing the way you do routine things allows a new person to grow inside of you. But when all is said and done, you're the one who must decide how you handle it." -- From Paulo Coelho's book The Pilgrimage

4. What is your favorite form of service?

One thing does not come to mind. I am just happy to be in service. I can say that I find service to be more and more of a pleasure over the years. Not that it wasn't before but I also find that it has become more important to me then other things that fall under the BDSM umbrella.

5. Do you have any phobias?

Umm MICE!