Just sharing...

2 great videos on equality....for marriage.

Yes We Can!

I have no words for what I just witnessed...I am just so very happy. I have been through a half a box of kleenex from happy tears.

Blogging for Choice

Today is Blogging for Choice.

Voting pro-choice is personal to me because the right to chose is a personal decision and the personal ends up political. I am not pro-abortion...really I can't think of anyone that is pro-abortion. No woman goes "someday I would like an abortion." I am not anti-baby either. I am absolutely pro-choice. But my life and my situations are totally different then the next persons. So who am I to make such a big decision for any other girl or woman, whose life and situation I know nothing about? I just can't ethically do that so I am pro-choice and vote for someone who is pro-choice.

As I said above it is personal to me. And I don't think I have ever shared this story in print on the web or even with that many people. I know I have mentioned that I had an abortion when I was 18 but just never gone into details. My ex-husband and I were in high school so basically lustful teenagers. And we practiced safe sex but the condom broke. It is odd for me because right away after we realized the condom broke I knew I was going to get pregnant. I just had this feeling and I broke down hysterical. Jim kept telling me it is a long shot. And can still remember looking in his eyes and crying and saying I hoped he was right but that my gut was telling me otherwise. This is long before the days of the morning after pill. So I waited until my period was suppose to show up -- just about 2 weeks later-- I think a little under 2 weeks. And it didn't. During high school I could predict my period down to time of the day - 2pm. And so the next day I went and bought a pregnancy test at a drug store in another section of town just so I wouldn't run into anyone I might know.

We had one bathroom in our house at the time so I knew I would have problems finding time to do the test. Four girls in the house meant walking in on others was a fact of life not about manners. One night I set my alarm for 2am knowing I could have the bathroom to myself. We had a linen closet in the bathroom. In the bottom of the closet was a bucket of cleaning supplies so after I urinated on the stick I put it and the box behind the bucket. Yes odd detail but this that is so clear in my mind....bending over to put the tester and box behind the bucket. I then waited. I knew if I were in the bathroom too long my Mom would wake up thinking I was sick. Their bedroom was right next to the bathroom. So I left it there and came back to find it indicating I was pregnant. When extreme trauma or stress enters my life, I go on auto-pilot. I think many people do to cope. I do what I need to get through the day. And most of the time people don't even know that anything is wrong with me. I still do that at times -- but I am more open with my feelings now.

I could hear my Mom's words echoing in my head -- of not getting pregnant young like she did. My Mom and Dad got married because my Mom got pregnant with me. She was 16 and my Dad was 18. Growing up all of us girls heard over and over -- about not ruining your life and opportunities by getting pregnant young. So here I am 18 and pregnant.

I didn't know what my parents would say. Jim was the only one that I had been discussing it with as both my best friends I knew they were against abortion and frankly abortion is the first thing that came to my mind. Jim wanted to marry me and have the baby. He was 17 at the time. Right before offering to marry me he did tell me ultimately it was up to me as it was my body that would have to go through the pregnancy. He did make it clear though his preference would be to marry me and raise our child together. But right away the thought that I would be a horrible mother sprung up. I was too young. My depression and my migraines even then play a huge factor into all my decisions. I knew I loved Jim but I thought that this would ultimately tear us apart because I felt one day I would feel like he made me marry him because of the baby. Add in I didn't want to become like my Mom did with me. I grew up thinking I was this horrible mistake that took her life away from her. And I didn't want to subject a child to that baggage. I thought of all the things Jim and I said we wanted and knew it wouldn't come about if we got married that young.

Jim is incredibly smart....one of those people that doesn't even need to crack a book but knows the answer. And so he needed to go to college...and having a baby meant he would have to work full-time. (I know better now that his parents would have paid for his college and our main bills to get him through college. They would have wanted him and us to have a better life and knew college was the way to get that. But at the time I didn't know that -- only been dating him 3 months at that point - known each other a year but didn't know his parents well at all.)

So abortion was what came to mind for me right away. I called and found out about them and how much it would cost. Because I was 18...I didn't need parent signature or anything. So my plan was for it to be just Jim and I going there. He supported me but he was upset. He cried but told me he understood and could see all my reasons.

I did something unfair then - that I do wish I wouldn't have done.....I told him he could not to tell his parents. I was so scared his parents would forbid him from seeing me because I wanted an abortion. But I told my parents and that is what I think was unfair that I got to tell my parents and he didn't. Actually my Mom guessed. About 2or 3 days after doing the home pregnancy test - we had for our Family Planning class a guest lecturer and I can't remember if it was planned parenthood or not....probably not as they pushed adoption more then any other option. I remember walking out of the class and then running to the bathroom....to get sick. Jim was waiting for me as he had a free period before that class and always waited for me. So he waited...I came out of the bathroom very pale and teary. We went to one of the stair wells to be alone. I broke down crying. I couldn't even get out what had happened right away. But eventually did and I could tell he was upset too but he tried to be strong for me. I came home my Mom asked me what was wrong because my eyes were puffy. I was really good at lying to my parents about where I was going to be (ie: a party) or my grades but emotional things...we didn't talk about emotions very often so when we did it was hard to know what to do. So when she asked me I didn't know what to say....and I told a version of the truth. I told her we had a guest lecturer at school that upset me. I also had been getting morning sickness - all through out the day -- pretty much right away so I was getting sick quite a bit. And I tried to hide it but again --- one bathroom makes it hard to hide that kind of thing.

And so she noticed me being sick. She asked me about the lecture what it was about and I said I really didn't want to talk about - that it was no big deal. Well my Mom worked at the school so she found out. For 2 to 3 days after she tried to get me to tell her I was pregnant without coming out and telling me she thought I was...she wanted to be the good Mom and let me come when I was ready. But at the same time she dropped all sort of hints that I could talk to her about it..like she talked about things that went through her mind when she found out she was pregnant. I told Jim...my Mom knows. And he said there was no way that was possible. But I knew that she knew. So I finally asked her if she knew. And she told me she was waiting for me to come to her....she said she didn't want to pressure me. She asked if I knew for sure....and I told her about the test. She told me those aren't 100% right so called and made me an appointment with our regular family doctor. She was GREAT really...really great. She didn't tell me how disappointed she was or anything. She just told me that she understood what I was feeling and struggling with and it was totally up to me what I wanted to do. My Dad....not so great. It was obviously upsetting my Mom behind the scene...she was being strong for me but breaking down with my Dad so my Dad hates when my Mom is upset so he takes it out on us girls. And so I was the one causing the problems -- so I was the problem and got it taken out on and yelled at that I was so stupid and so on and so forth everything you shouldn't say to your 18 year old daughter who is pregnant and struggling -- he said. He has done the same thing at other crucial times in my life.

But as I said my Mom was great. She went to our doctor with me. The doctor confirmed I was pregnant and supported my decision completely about wanting an abortion. He even found out that our insurance would pay for it because really it was a D&C because I was only 6 weeks along. He made me the appointment at the clinic.

It was decided my Mom would go with me to the clinic. I needed a blood test before the appointment -- to find out what my blood type was but they didn't tell me that until the day they called and confirmed the appointment the day before. So I had to fast and go to do the blood test in the morning and then go the appointment. So I have this little card that has my blood type on it -- and the date. It is a card I carried in my wallet for years and years. I hardly ever pulled it out really didn't even notice the date on it until I found it this past year going through some stuff as I don't carry a wallet. And I noticed the date on it and realized that was the same day as my abortion. So I had my abortion April 11, 1986.

Again my Mom was great through the whole thing. She got teary with me but she was so supportive and understanding. Jim really had a hard time handling it. I did the best I could to help him but really I should have let him tell his parents -- that was so unfair of me. He did end up telling his parents 4 months later. And they were angry with me for not wanting him to tell them. But over all they were fine with me having an abortion. Jim had problems with it later -- after we were married. And he often used it as a way to hurt me -- when we decided to try to get pregnant and I was having problems -- physical problems -- he told me that I screwed up our chance. He told me often that if he had his way we would have had a child already. And so on and so forth.

I know still now after even going through the aftermath of his feelings, that the abortion was the right choice for us. Even after knowing I can't have kids, I know I made the right choice. Choice....it was a choice. And I believe fully in having the choice.

Someone very close to me 6 years after my abortion called me late at night....she had been raped. She was drug across a gravel parking lot, beaten and raped. She got a STD from the rapist and also got pregnant. She called me and I cried with her. And supported her in her decision to get an abortion. It was her life and her situation and her choice.

I am glad she had the choice. I am glad I had the choice. As I said in the start of the post -- how could I tell some girl or woman that they don't have a choice of what to do....it is their life and their own situation. It is a personal choice that no one should have the right to tell another what to do.

So I am pro-choice and vote pro-choice.

Supports Gay Marriage...

a video of the San Diego Mayer saying he is supporting gay marriage....he is very choked up and emotional. It gave me tears.

http://cbs5.com/video/?id=26888@kpix.dayport.com

A Look Back....November

Again....I didn't get to do a Winter Count this year. But going to do my version of Winter Count by going back into my archives and finding entries that touch me, are favorites, important to me or that month, or that just have some meaning to me.

So here is November (my version) Winter Count...

Really November wasn't a big blogging month for me either and I know that is because my depression was pretty heavy until the end of November. The day after Thanksgiving is actually when it started to lift and I became very excited about the holidays.

It was the month of elections. Master and I were glued to CNN that night. I did a post on Slavery and Politics as it is a questions I do get asked quite a bit on if he tells me how to vote.

I also then did a post on some of my SM interests.....I had done a poll over on livejournal and so it came out of that.

*********************

If I don't get a chance to post before midnight...I want to wish EVERYONE a VERY Happy New Year! I hope 2007 brings the best of everything to you!

A Look Back....July

Again....I didn't get to do a Winter Count this year. But going to do my version of Winter Count by going back into my archives and finding entries that touch me, are favorites, important to me or that month, or that just have some meaning to me.

So here is July (my version) Winter Count...

I did the Ask Me Anything Meme and so here are 2 entries with answers to questions that were asked....

As a child, what did you imagine your life would be like when you grew up? And what are some of the dreams/goals you hope to accomplish in your life?

Was your Master the first man you committed to outside of escorting? How did that come about? I mean, you meeting Him and then leaving that business? And I am always curious to hear how other people decide what party (if any) they identify themselves with. It seems your Master is also very strong in His political beliefs. Was He an influence on you, in yours? Or have you always identified the way you do?

And then I asked questions on Honorifics - it gave lots of discussion via livejournal, email and blogspot and then I did an entry answering my own questions.

Oh and one more that caused a lot ummm feedback....Not High Maintenance.

Political TV....

HBO special had that is called Hacking Democracy and it is on Google now. I haven't watched it yet but heard really good things about it...not that the things learned were good - more scary then anything else. But I heard it was interesting so I hope to get a chance to watch it later. It is about the voting machines being hacked to have votes changed.

Voting Day

Today we went and voted and then had lunch out. After we went and looked at houses. I felt kind of lack luster on the houses we looked at...only because I think I have such an image in my head. When we came home, I did a few things around here before we had dinner and were/are glued to CNN.

Oh our voter machines were pretty slick. But I am sure still have faults. But as you voted on the screen it printed out on paper right next to you so you could see it.

I am just so disappointed in all the votes against domestic partnerships and the vote for making marriage one man and one woman here in Colorado.

Yay on the house!

Virgina wow...close.
Missouri still waiting on.
Montana still waiting on.

Back to CNN and Master and our kitty cats all snuggled up on the couch.

Slavery and Politics

Someone asked me if I just get to vote how I want to...this is something I wrote elsewhere when I was first with Master:

When Master I were starting to get to know each other, politics is one area that I asked him about because I wanted to know if our views meshed. I lived with someone before who was owned me and our political views often didn't mesh and it really tore me apart times. So politics was one area I wanted to find someone that I was compatible with in politics. We talked and we were compatible. Master has a political science degree and love politics. So he was more educated in politics then I but we did share alike views. He told me if I became his because he does have a passion for politics that I would vote but that I would research and educate myself. And if he felt I was making an informed decision then he probably would let me vote my way. Now that said....most of the time my informed decision is exactly how he would vote so he does see me as his second vote. If he felt I wasn't making an informed decision he would tell me who to vote for or maybe not have me vote at all - but again he sees me as his second vote.

Now ALL that said...Master could change and that is the reality. People do change and someday he might decide to be a conservative (trying not to laugh as I say that as it such an strange thought). And he might decide that he just tells me how to vote no matter if I educate myself or not. He might just say go vote for all these conservatives and I would have to because when I became his I knew the deal.

But again as I said Master is very passionate about politics and likes that we can discuss them together and then go vote together.

Elections Tomorrow...so a political post

Getting lots of repeat political calls? Check this link out, and this one and this one. We haven't actually had these but I think Master's parents did as they were talking about all the calls they have been getting lately and it is turning them off where they are not even sure they are going to vote.

Again a GREAT SOURCE for political links and thoughts...twistedchick

So as I mentioned in my last post Master read the Analysis of the 2006 Ballot Proposals - the Blue Book of the Elections. I was confused on a few things that were coming up to vote on.

Domestic Partnerships
The mail ads I have getting for domestic partnership make it really confusing for me. The ads come for a group I tend to usually agree with but the ads kept saying "It's not marriage." And that bothered me. I understand why they were putting it that way. So that maybe those that don't want those of the same sex to get married will at least give them domestic partnership. But just like New Jersey - it isn't marriage. And it bothers me that people won't let those that want to get married - get married. So Master read me the actual referendum and then the pros and cons they print. And of course the cons...and well the pros also did a little too because of just how they worded things. One of the cons that annoyed me......

"Domestic partnerships diminish the significance of marriage for society by reducing marriage to a list of benefits and responsibilities. The benefits given to married couples are intended to support child reading by one man and one woman. The state has an interest in restricting recognition and legal protection to these married couples to provide stability for the individuals, their families and the broader community."

All in all I am not happy that they aren't allowing marriage. And this just seems like it is better then nothing and maybe will make it easier in the future. And so I am of course voting yes on it!

Which brings me to the next one...

Marriage
Another thing up is an amendment that proposes adding a new section about marriage. Basically defining marriage as one man one woman. So you know I was all growly about that one.

And of course one their pro arguments...(rolling eyes and sighing)

"The public has an interest in preserving the commonly accepted definition of marriage. Marriage as an institution has historically consisted of one man and one woman and as such provides the optimal environment for creating, nurturing and protecting children and preserving families."

Grrrrr!

Of course voting no on that one!

Marijuana
Another thing we are voting on here in Colorado is the legalization of the possession of marijuana up to one once for adults 21 years of age or older. Now don't everyone fall of their chair but I have NEVER smoked pot. I had a boyfriend that I have talked about before that did drugs. Not just pot but heavier stuff like cocaine. He turned blue on me a few times. And even though while dating him I saw the effects of pot and knew they were less then when he drank alcohol I still clumped it into the drugs are bad. Seeing him turn blue. Seeing him...get mouth to mouth....seeing him....the way he would get...turned me off of drugs.

So I know you are all thinking wow then she is going to vote no for this one. But nope. As I said I did see him and how he was when he just did pot. And that verse when he drank alcohol or did other illegal drugs were night and day. Pot made him mellow. He still could touch his finger to his nose. He could walk a straight line. But I could tell he was high at the same time.

Also I have seen the effects of pot in someone who has mental illness' - and the prescribed drugs were horrible for her. She suffered and I hated to watch her in such pain. Such pain...horrible pain...made my heart break for her as I didn't know how to help. She has stopped the prescribed drugs and now she does pot at times and I honestly can say I feel it helps her keep more even then any of the prescription drugs did. I know she feels it helps and I can see the difference from a year ago and feel it helps her. Right now Colorado does allow medical marijuana so she might fall under that if she lived in Colorado. But I do know getting that kind of prescription for it is hard.

So I had made up my mind before reading the book that I was saying yes this Amendment.

Then Master reads me the actual amendment. And I still will vote yes but this part bothered me...

It is talking about what the amendment will include...

"It also would include transferring up to one ounce of marijuana to another individual 15 years of age or older as long is there no compensation, although possession of those under 21 would still remain illegal."

Okay why was that added in? I don't get it. I don't get why it is legal to transfer it to someone of 15 but it is illegal for them to possess it. How do they make the distinction between transferring and possession? Anyway it bothers me that it can be "transferred" to someone 15 to 21.


Okay so tomorrow we vote. I am hoping and praying things get better. I have literally been scared and so sad where this country has been heading since Bush has come into office. And I cry and lay at wake at night worrying. And so as I said...hoping and praying.

Gay Rights...

Well New Jersey...recognizes same sex unions but not marriage...so it isn't perfect but obviously closer...hopeful to me.

Links:
CNN
Daily Kos
Reuters
365Gay.com

Politics....

"We must disentrall ourselves, and then we shall save our country." ~ Abraham Lincoln

Not something I post about very often but I had to today after viewing a video clip. There is a journal I read because she offers great thoughts and links on politics...TwistedChick.

Today one of the many links she shared was this one with Keith Oblermann regarding Fox slamming Clinton. I wanted to stand up, cheer and clap as I listened to it...damn powerful words. (In case you don't want to watch you can read this words.)

I mentioned on someone journal that every morning I pretty much start my day by signing petitions and writing state reps, senators, even the President. I get emails that are basically Take Action emails from all sorts of organizations. And I start my day off with taking a few moments to try to do something...to make a change.

This are some links to a few of them...
True Majority
Act for Change
Human Rights First
NARAL Pro-Choice America
Democrats.com Unity
Moveon.com - Democracy in Action
The Petition Site

Question 3 - to the ask me ANYTHING post

Here on blogspot - question 2 is skipped because question 2 was more of a livejournal question.

Was your Master the first man you committed to outside of escorting? How did that come about? I mean, you meeting Him and then leaving that business?

Okay I don't think I understand this questions - so to the person who asked it - if I am not going the right direction on this question - please feel free to leave me another screened comment in that Ask me ANYTHING post.

I think that first question you are asking: Was Master the first man I committed to after escorting and that answer is no. I was involved in a Daddy/little girl relationship when I first started escorting and had 2 girlfriends. I then while escorting ended up having a couple play partners, another girlfriend and also was involved in 2 D/s relationships - and all of them knew I was an escort. One of the D/s relationships I was in - the dominant didn't like that I was an escort - and he felt I must have low self esteem and that is why I was an escort. (rolling my eyes as I think that I even was involved with him.) I also owned an escort agency at the same time - not sure I ever have talked about that much - so while I was involved with that dominant I didn't take as many personal clients and just ran the agency.

After I met Master he didn't have a problem with me working while I was in Ohio but he was very explicit that once I was with him here I would not do it. And there are lots of reasons for that - but the main one is his job.

I do miss it at times though. And I have happily masturbated since then to some of the "dates" with my favorite clients.

I am always curious to hear how other people decide what party (if any) they identify themselves with. It seems your Master is also very strong in His political beliefs. Was He an influence on you, in yours? Or have you always identified the way you do?

I know I vote democratic mostly. But how I vote really comes down to really looking at the candidates and seeing if their beliefs align with my own. Such as in the 2004 elections - I researched Bush and Kerry. I mean I can't stand Bush in the first place but I really looked at what he said and how he acted and decided he was the worse of the 2 evils and so I voted for Kerry. (You can go here to see my post right before we voted on why I didn't vote for Bush).

Master has VERY strong in political beliefs. One of his majors in college was political science so I would say politics is a passion for him. He doesn't want to see our freedoms taken away. And so he is very vocal about his political opinions.

He is not really an influence on my beliefs. Before we got together that was one thing I wanted to make sure I was with someone who has similar political beliefs because in the past that has not been that case and it has made for some very uncomfortable and irritating situations! Though I do need to say Master and I don't agree on everything in politics but most things we do. Because Master is so vocal in his beliefs though it does make me more politically aware then I have been in the past.

Dixie Chicks - Taking the Long Way

Okay so here is the deal...I love music. I love almost any kind of music. But country music is just something I have never been able to like. Anyway, I have not listened to much of the Dixie Chicks in the past. Someone I am actually going to mention in my poly post that is going to be posted after this post - used to listen to them quite a bit and I could stand listening to them but still it had at times too much of that country TWANG that gets to me. I downloaded 1 Dixie Chick song several years ago - their remake of Landslide. I love that song and really liked their remake of it. So I have that one. But other then that never been a Dixie Chick fan.

Anyway, Bill Maher has a show on Amazon.com now and he had the Dixie Chicks on the pilot episode and they played 2 songs and wow I loved them both. It didn't sound country to me. And Bill actually said the same thing. So Master asked me the other night if I wanted any music and right away they came to mind. So I played sample of the whole cd first just to make sure...then asked if I could have the whole cd. As it seemed amazing even just listening to little snippets of it. So he bought it for me. Yay!

Many of the songs talk about the ordeal they had after Natalie spoke out against the President Bush in 2003. And it is pretty powerful stuff - to me anyway. So I have been playing it none stop practically. I will play it and sing to it and I might play it several times in a row and then play something else and then immediately I am back to them. And each time I listen I hear another piece of lyric that really just touches me.

Anyway...I am wanting to pimp them...as it is a REALLY good CD!

Coulter....over the edge

Okay so Master forwarded me this link where Ann Coulter says, "I have never seen people enjoying their husband's death so much." That is in regards to the wives of 9/11. Yes she really said it in her new book and agreed with it on air with Matt Lauer. I sat there reading that over and over with my mouth hanging open so shocked someone would say something like that...and she really truly believes it. She believes the wives of 9/11 are enjoying their husband's deaths. She also called them broads...that "are millionaires stalked by griefparrazies..." Broads? Millionaries? Griefparrazies? Again just shocked. It hurts just to think someone believes things like that...and I know there are a lot more out there that do....so sad.

(link to the video clip of it at the end of the article)

Linkage...

Master and I really like The Colbert Report....here is a couple of links about Colbert doing White House Correspondents Dinner...

E&P - Colbert Lampoons Bush at White House Correspondents Dinner -- President Not Amused?

Daily Kos - transcript

Another Smoking Gun Report of a Sex Slave Contract (yes another one)

posted a link to Fetish T-shirts that had so many that I would love get Master or have for myself. Especially - "I love my Daddy"

Please Read this Link

I am sure most of you have heard that South Dakota banned abortion except to save the life of the mother. It banned it even for those who have a pregnancy due to incest or rape.

Here is a way to help and do something about it:
http://kathrynt.livejournal.com/366823.html

News...Politics

Sandra Day O'Conner is retiring

uggghhh!

Yay to Colorado Planned Parenthood!

There was suppose to a law that would have come in affect July 1st allowing hospitals to tell rape victims about emergency contraception but Gov. Owens vetoed it. So, Planned Parenthood in Colorado is giving free emergency contraception on Friday, July 1, 2005.

Link to Rocky Mountains Planned Parenthood...the article and more.


Sidenote: I started to tag this as Political because that is how a lot of people would tag it - but to me it is about sexuality and woman's right to what she does with her body. And I guess I don't really think that should be a political issue.

Political

I just read that buried within the No Child Left Behind Act is a provision that requires public high schools to hand over the private contact information of students in public high schools to military recruiters. And that if a school does not comply, it risks losing education funds.

The Student Privacy Protection Act of 2005 amends section 9528 of No Child Left Behind to prohibit military recruiters from contacting students unless these minors and their parents specifically "opt in" and give consent to receive such communications.

Here is a website that will help you opt your child out.