Wednesday, November 18, 2009
I get that moment of feeling upset that I disappointed him. But I am not devastated. Mostly I am really pissed and disappointed in myself. I beat up on myself for not keeping on top of things. And then I try to move on and just try to do better next time.
When he tells me he is upset with me on something I don't understand at all...then I get frustrated or annoyed. In the end it doesn't matter what I feel though - just as long as I obey. (Not that it doesn't matter what I feel but obeying is always first.)
Not to long ago he got mad at me for not just going and getting him what he asked for right away. I had stopped to ask for clarification as there are 2 of the thing he asked for so I was asking which one he wanted. And he got mad. But internally I was saying it is a reasonable question...but externally I just nodded and said, "yes Master" and went and fetched him what he asked for. I was thankful I was able to keep my mouth shut as it was one of those moments I know if I would have said anything more he would have been more pissed.
So in those type of situations when he says he is disappointed, I mostly say "I am sorry Master" and move on but internally I don't "get it" and it is harder to accept - I just think okay this is what he wants so I will do it. Usually later I will bring it up to him when he isn't pissed. And often he hasn't changed his mind. He still wishes I would have just went and grabbed one - he didn't care which one. And as he says that internally of course I am going would it have been so hard to say "either one." And I would have been quickly on my way to get it. But in the end it doesn't matter - he did what he wanted and expressed what he wanted - and my job is to obey. I disappointed him and like kaya mentioned in her post, can't go back in time to fix it, but next time I know I will just go get whatever it is he wanted. And that one time I bring him the item and he says he wanted the other. I will just go and get the other. Because it is his rules and he can change them as he goes. And he often does. It is my job to obey him.
PS: We are going out town and I have had several people email me the last week - and so just letting you know I won't be getting back to you until next week.
Monday, November 09, 2009
He stopped me in the living room and pulled my shirt off before having me hold my hands behind my neck while he pulled the rest of my clothes off. And then marched me to the bedroom where he proceeded to use me in such delicious ways.....lots of holding my head to down on his cock to that I would choke, pulling my hair, squeezing my throat, slapping, punching, grabbing and squeezing various bits with fingers digging into my flesh and then rinse and repeat. After giving him a blow job, he smear his cum on my face and then pushed me on to my back spread my legs and grabbed, pulled, twisted with fingers digging into my cunt. He would touch soft and tenderly and then suddenly my cunt would be on fire from the pain searing through it as he tortured me. I of course didn't come when he was touching my softly....no no no...I came when he was hurting the hell out of me.
When I got up, I had that freshly fucked look down pretty good. Hair wildly going every way, hanging in my eyes, sticking to my face where it had dried in the cum....oh yes...freshly fucked indeed.
Sunday, November 08, 2009
I am terribly flattered that Violet Blue has visited my tumblr and recommended it to her readers. If you don't know her, please go check out her blog. She is one of those people that I am sure if I ever met I would be doing a fangirl squee as she is a notorious sex educator that I have read and admired for years.
As she said on the post about my tumblr, I do try to credit. If you find an image there that isn't credited and you recognize, please feel free to let me know by emailing me at firstname.lastname@example.org. I do really want to promote and recognize the talented people who turn me on! Also if you find an image that is yours and you don't want it posted here, please feel free to email me - I will take it down as soon as I get your email.So thank you Violet Blue for recommending my tumblr and welcome to all the visitors she has sent my way...to my blog and my tumblr.
Friday, November 06, 2009
So the other day Master had an afternoon appointment but right before it he took me to the bedroom and put the pvc open mouth hood on me and had me get busy with his balls while he masturbated. It turned me on to hear him...the sound of his hand on his cock. The noises he makes. The smell...of sex. And although I was touching him - still felt like I was being teased and denied...tormented. After Master orgasmed, he got up and took a shower and told me to masturbate. It just felt very much like an object. I wasn't necessary for his pleasure but just added when he feels like using me for his pleasure. Like an after-thought.
The conversation with my friend came about as she mentioned she would like to watch Master and I have sex and I told her no no no....that my fantasy was to be tied to a chair or locked in the closet or cage while he had sex with her. To watch and be teased and tormented by watching them.
I posted a picture on my tumblr recently and wrote about the memory that came with it....basically it is a girl tied up outside a door. And it reminded me of when I was in the poly household and he restrained me. And then went into the bedroom and played and had sex with another one of his slaves I could hear them while I laid on the floor outside the door. It was very erotic not moving and not seeing but only hearing them. When they came out, they walked past me like I wasn't even there.
It has been an ongoing fantasy I play over and over again in my head with Master....of him fucking another. Sometimes I am in the room sometimes I am not. Sometimes I don't know about it until after. And any way I come up with it....it turns me on. It teases and torments me....physically but I can't wait to feel it emotionally too. I know it will feel different with Master.