Good Relationship

From TinyBuddha's FB status today:
"Good relationships don't just happen. They take time, patience, and two people who truly want to be together." ~Unknown

A good life lesson and one I have learned over the years - good relationships just don't happen. I think we like to think that when you love someone - the relationship will just be magically connected together by love and make it a good relationship, but it takes more than love. It does need love - a lot of it, but being compatible on more than just kinky stuff is key to me though.

I love spending time with Master and not just because of the sex and kinky things - although that is delicious! But we mesh on so many levels that with time, patience and wanting to be together - we work hard to keep our relationship strong and keep moving forward.  

Be Yourself

"If I have to do something out of the ordinary for me, than we are not a match. I am going to be myself for the foreseeable future, so if that does not inspire submission now, it never will." ~ Flagg

Oh Flagg always had such wise words. I was going through quotes I have saved over the years and I came across so many good ones...such as this one from Flagg.

No Right Way

“You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist.” ~Friedrich Nietzsche

Just a little public service announcement:  

Dear beautiful reader, 

There is no right way to do this....just because you don't serve like me doesn't make you a failure and just because I don't serve like others doesn't make me a failure in doing it "right."  We all have our own way of doing this....make it your own and do what is best for you.  Don't try to emulate someone online. Just make it work for the relationship you are in....what feels good to you, what works best for you and that is your way. 

peace to you,
danae

Corrupted

“When she’s abandoned her moral center and teachings when she’s cast aside her facade of propriety and lady-like demeanor…when I have so corrupted this fragile thing and brought out a writhing, mewling, bucking, wanton whore for my enjoyment and pleasure…..enticing from within this feral lioness…growling and scratching and biting…taking everything I dish out to her…..at that moment she is never more beautiful to me. ” ~ De Sade

Isn't that just lovely? 

I love those moments where it is just the pleasure/pain and that is all that matters so I would do anything he says because I don't want it to stop. Not very many dominants or lovers have ever gotten me the total abandonment of thought of anything other than just keep doing what they tell you.  But I have had a few people and there are shining moments in my head that I replay a lot. Master is of course one of those people. Don, my ex-husband, and MS are the others. 

I have had a lot of great sex that comes close to there, but there is always this little pieces of myself I hang on to with some people. I can't totally let go. Also most of people I have been with won't push me there. To get to that level of surrender - abandonment as he calls it - I need that push. I need the force. The force gets me there and turns me on.  Letting go like that - becoming a wanton whore gives me something I need.

I am thankful for those moments when I have been pushed there. As I said they shine for me and I love replaying them over and over again. 

March Q & A: Buddhism and Slavery

I have seen you say several times Buddhism has helped you in your slavery and service and I would like to read about how it has?


Really it comes down to a very basic thing for me....first I don't view Buddhism as my religion and at least I feel that many of the writings from Buddha say that it isn't a religion. He doesn't want worship - but instead is trying to teach us a way of life that will help us attain enlightenment.  Buddhism is basically about finding the truth in yourself to set yourself free. And that line is it for me....I have found slavery to my path that fulfills me. It is the truth inside myself. 


I find comfort and strength in the words of Buddha and others that help in spreading that word such as the Dalai Lama.  They help me on this path. The words help me understand surrender and service even if it is a different context of what Buddha meant - he meant it more towards life in general and finding enlightenment and I often it apply it directly to my life as a slave. 


Such as the Noble Eightfold Path...
1. Right View
2. Right Intention
3. Right Speech
4. Right Action
5. Right Livelihood
6. Right Effort
7. Right Mindfulness
8. Right Concentration


Applying those to my relationship and being a slave works really well for me. Keeping myself steady and centered on my service to Master. 


I have had several people write me over the years and pointed out Buddhism doesn't believe in sexual misconduct and how can I not view the path I am on as sexual misconduct. I have seen all sorts of views on it but for me I take more of a view like expressed here:

"Aware of the suffering caused by sexual misconduct, I am committed to cultivate responsibility and learn ways to protect the safety and integrity of individuals, couples, families, and society. I am determined not to engage in sexual relations without love and a long-term commitment. To preserve the happiness of myself and others, I am determined to respect my commitments and the commitments of others. I will do everything in my power to protect children from sexual abuse and to prevent couples and families from being broken by sexual misconduct."

It talks about not engaging in sex without love and commitment but I also feel that for my interpretation that I engage in sex with positive energy and even if the commitment is for an hour it is a commitment to be fully engaged there in the moment. So for me I don't believe I am engaging in sexual misconduct. 


I found a few quotes from my endless quote supply that I have taken from various Buddhism sources....


Surrender is the quantum leap from mind to no-mind, from ego to egolessness. And in a single step the whole journey is contained. It is not a long journey from you to God, it is a single-step journey. It is not a gradual phenomenon; it is not that slowly slowly, gradually you come to the divine. It is a quantum leap! One moment you were in darkness and the next moment all is light. All that is needed is to put the ego aside. - Osho


Buddha says if you surrender the ego, if you surrender yourself, you come in a harmony with the law and everything starts happening on its own. You have but to surrender. If you are ready to disappear, you will be full of the law and the law will take care. - Osho


Only no-mind can be without any duality, because it is empty. The no-mind is choicelessness. The no-mind is pure awareness. It is just the empty sky. - Osho


Don't cling to anything and don't reject anything. Let come what comes, and accomodate yourself to that, whatever it is. If good mental images arise, that is fine. If bad mental images arise, that is fine, too. Look on all of it as equal, and make yourself comfortable with whatever happens. Don't fight with what you experience, just observe it all mindfully. -Bhante Henepola Gunaratana, "Mindfulness in Plain English"


We also often add to our pain and suffering by being overly sensitive, over-reacting to minor things, and sometimes taking things too personally. -His Holiness the Dalai Lama


Truth is no theory, no speculative system of philosophy, no intellectual insight. 

Truth is exact correspondence with reality. 

For man, truth is the unshakeable knowledge of his real nature, the Self. 

-Paramhansa Yogananda

When everything is clean-clear in your own mind, nobody can create obstacles for you. -Lama Thubten Yeshe, "The Bliss of Inner Fire"

Enlightenment--that magnificent escape from anguish and ignorance--never happens by accident. It results from the brave and sometimes lonely battle of one person against his own weaknesses. -Bhikkhu Nyanasobhano, "Landscapes of Wonder"

If you wish to see the truth
Then hold no opinion for or against.
The struggle of what one likes
And what one dislikes
Is the disease of the mind. - Sosan

Dedication to Duties

"The dedication we commit to tasks both related and unrelated to our goals is a testament to our understanding that all we do has an impact on the course our lives take. Many people unconsciously divide their regular agendas into two disparate categories—duties that will help them realize their dreams and duties that must be attended to yet are insignificant. However, every objective, no matter how large or small, has something to teach us about ourselves and the world. When we willingly devote ourselves to the tasks laid out before us, our eyes are opened to the myriad possibilities lying dormant within them. The dedicated and hard-working attitude you exhibit regarding your duties today will help you see the significance of each item on your agenda." - Daily OM Horoscope

Means a little bit more

"And the Grinch, with his Grinch-feet ice cold in the snow, stood puzzling and puzzling, how could it be so? It came without ribbons. It came without tags. It came without packages, boxes or bags. And he puzzled and puzzled ’till his puzzler was sore. Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn’t before. What if Christmas, he thought, doesn’t come from a store. What if Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more." ~ Dr. Seuss

This year my Christmas means a little bit more as I am with my family.  I hope everyone has a very Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!

Bound to Him

Decided to share this paragraph after I received a comment on it recently ...

He has bound me to Him in a way that can't be measured, weighed or expressed. He has infused my being - binding me to Him with all that is....and now He is a part of me. He invogorates my soul with passion, devotion and dedication to Him. 

Love Times Three - Part 2

As I said in a previous post I read Love Times Three: Our True Story of a Polygamous Marriage by Joe, Alina, Vicki and Valerie Darger.

I thought I would share some quotes I have flagged in the book.

"Plural marriage isn't easy. We're the first to admit that.  It's a lifestyle that requires of each woman a constant gentle empathy for her sister wives and a respect for boundaries and fairness. We face the same struggles that monogamous wives do, but those trying  times are often magnified because there are multiple partners whose perspective and feeling have to be considered."

Really good words. I think it requires quite a bit of empathy, respect for boundaries and fairness.I know it is really hard for people to do poly. One thing that many get hung up on is the not keeping every one in mind.  When I lived in the poly household, one of my clear signs that it might work was if that other person kept the women in the household on their mind.  Such as when they called did they ask about us or want to speak to us, did they try to form a relationship with each of us or just him,  or did they like to pretend we didn't exist.  Poly won't work if you don't take everyone into account and be very empathetic to what each person is going through.

"When people say I 'practice' polygamy, they've got it right: my efforts to live this lifestyle are contanst and ongoing. There are many religions that have practices aimed at deepening spiritual insights and expressing faith, such as fasting, saying the rosary, and making a pilgrimage.  That's what plural marriage is for me: a daily practice that focuses my attention on the highest ideals of my religion.  The benefits to me, in terms of spiritual and personal growth, joy and completeness, far outweigh the hard work and sacrifice it takes."


Poly is constant work.  The area of this quote I would change instead of saying it is "my highest ideals of my religion" - I would say it is the highest ideals of myself.

"We have the closeness of sisters and the comaraderie of friends. I love it when I head for the kitchen late at night for a taste of chocolate and find Vickie or Val there, spoon in hand and ready for conversation."

Yes. Oh yes.  The closeness goes beyond friendship to me...it is family but not in the sense of bio family. I mean my biological sisters don't know things about me that I have told sister slaves.  Some of my favorite memories of living in Ohio, where doing mundane things with the other women in the household. Bug sitting on the dryer folding clothes as I put the next load in - talking and laughing the whole time. Laur and I singing as we made dinner.  So many wonderful moments in the everyday living of life.  I want that again.


"Early on, I tried to assert my status as the husband to get my wives to do what I wanted, but playing the patriarchy card wasn't working for me. ... I realized I was trying to drive them, not lead them." 


Just liked that quote because with so many personalities sometimes I can see how "driving" might seem like the solution but it is quite the opposite because there are so many personalities - better to lead then to try to  force things to happen.


"That's something a lot of people miss when they look at this lifestyle: it requires a willingness to take personal responsibility and be accountable for yourself."  


Joe talks about how he can't carry 3 wives luggage through the airport.  And one of the wives talked about how she has some issues cropping up and she realized Joe couldn't fix it - can't fix everything - that she had to look at those issues and see why they were coming up and work on finding the solution.  It wasn't Joe's responsibility to help her with her issues - it was hers.  Throughout the book they all mention personal responsibility and I just feel that is something needed in all relationships just not poly. But with poly I can see how sometimes we have to take that responsibly because there are so many people in the household you can't put it on everyone else.

Joe and the wives mention that although they are taking personal responsibility - everything is easier because they have love and support from each other.

Overall, I liked the book.  Even though they come at poly from a religious standpoint...I still related to many things in the book.  The book starts out with them growing up, how they basically came into poly. That part I didn't relate too as they were all grew up around polygamy.  But the second half of the book is where they talk about their plural marriage and those are the parts I can relate too.  I hope their book does help give another perspective of polygamy - where they aren't on a compound and wearing prairie-garb.

They were on 20/20 a couple weeks ago. You can watch the episode online.

Here is a video clip I found from Our America with Lisa Ling about a young family.  I usually seem them mid-30 to 40's.

"Modern Polygamy: Spotlight on a Young Polygamist Family

Lisa visits Isaiah and his two wives to determine if what she sees in this young and modern families' daily lifestyle will change any of the preconceived notions we have about polygamy."

Value & Contribution

I found this quote several weeks ago when I was going through things on my computer - trying to clear up some space.  I shared the quote with Master right away as I knew he would like it too. So now sharing it here too....

"A 'good' slave is one who has talents and attributes whose value and contribution is more than the maintenance you have to do to keep or inspire her service." ~ Soulhuntre 

10 Years of Blogging

I have had my blog open all day rereading old entries. I remember clearly the night I set the blog up. I was living in Cleveland at the time. The main computer was in my Sir's bedroom. He was sleeping so I just had the light of the monitor shining. But I had been reading several blogs that evening. And I thought why not. I thought about how putting it all out there would keep me true to myself. And I admit it - it was a hope for some validation....that I wasn't the only one out there feeling the things I felt, thinking the thoughts I did and just struggling with where to be going in this life.

My life wasn't in a place I liked. My primary relationship was tearing me apart. The only thing I was enjoying was my work as an escort. My life was in a place of transition. So what was the perfect way to figure things out? Writing was the answer for me. And so I started this blog 10 years ago.

It has been a quite a journey - struggles, being neurotic, many different relationships, searching for someone who could enslave me, sharing things I shouldn't have, sharing in anger, joy, sadness and every emotion under the sun. I have exposed myself through my words and some pictures too.

I am glad I have kept it around this long. I hope to continue to blog for a very long time. I am thankful that I have met many people face to face as well as online because of this blog. I am thankful for everyone that reads, sends emails, comments and such. Thank you for sticking with me all this time!

And I am going to end with my traditional piece from The Velveteen Rabbit:

"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you..."

"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.

"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful.

"When you are Real, you don't mind being hurt...It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't often happen to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."

9 Years of Blogging

It has been 9 years of blogging for me! Wow! I am not sure I ever thought I would blog this long. I know my posts have become less and less over the years but I still glad I have this place. And I hope to continue to post for a long time to come.

I am thankful for everyone that reads. Thank you for the emails, comments and such. Thank you for sticking with me all this time!

And I am going to end with my traditional piece from
The Velveteen Rabbit:
"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you..."

"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.

"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful.

"When you are Real, you don't mind being hurt...It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't often happen to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."

Listy Update

I have been really busy so I feel like I am out of touch with everything. By the time I do have a moment to sit here and do a post, my concentration sucks. So....you are getting a listy update....

* When Master's parents were here one time we watched Bank Job which was very sexual. And very embarrassing to watch in front of them. The last time we were in Denver, Master's parents had a NetFlix and asked us if we wanted to watch. I hadn't heard of it before. It was a movie with Hugh Jackman and Ewan McGregor - both of who we like. And it was just as bad. It was Deception. So now another movie to put on the list of never watch with your parents.

* It was my birthday Sunday. At midnight of the 18th - Master had a scavenger hunt. There were clues inside and outside the house. And it lead to several presents on the way to the end. It was fun! The ending gift was season 1 of True Blood.

* An obsession lately is porn. Yes porn. I have been surfing tumblrs - lots of them with porn I enjoy. I have been posting to mine also.

* We have a shelving unit that sits in the hall outside Master's office and when I decorated for Halloween I put 3 little plastic skeletons. Before Master's parents got here - Master kept moving the skeletons into lewd positions. Every time I went past for several days they were in another position. I kept worrying we would forget and leave them like that for his parents visit but luckily that wasn't the case.

* Thanks to Fleshbot for putting me in their weekly round up for my last post. I miss being an escort and really should write about some of my favorite moments before I forget them.

* I have been reading an old elist group on yahoo. It has been interesting and entertaining. A quote from one of the posts:

"...I think, that consent is part of the power rush to me. My reasoning is this: any buffoon with sufficient muscle power can force himself upon another person and "dom" him or her against their will. Getting the "victim" to come to you, open-eyed and wanting it... now that's doing it in style." J. Mikael Togneri

That is about it for now.

Would He Dare?

There is a gift in someone who dares to be so rough with me. Most men would never dare. I need to know that a man will be so bold, that at least he is capable of this sort of wielding. Then I can trust him. The flimsy men, the ones who would never dare to hurt me, to see me flinch, to bend me over and take me anywhere, anytime; I have no use for. Their trepidation is suffocating to me. And reflective of their behavior outside the bedroom. It always is. You can tell a lot about someone by how they fuck: Timid or decisive. Experimental or staid. Hard-driving and fierce or languid and droopy. My selection criteria is all about this crucial element: Can this man take charge? Does he dare? "6" The 400 Blow from Beautiful, Depraved

When I was an escort, I often wondered that before I met a new client. I wondered if they would take charge or be timid. Most of the men were kind of in middle ground. They didn't want to tell me what to do but they wanted me to be a slut. The bigger slut I was the more they were turned on. Begging, eager, lustful, passionate, attentive, wanton, wet and ready to do anything and they would become repeat clients who tipped. And well I like sex and liked my job so often I was able to pull all those things off pretty easily. It was exciting and I often got turned on with anticipation before the client even walked in the door.

I had a few clients that dared...they took charge. And were rough in a good way. I would leave feeling well used and spent. One of those clients was an older man that I have wrote about before. He was close to 70. And he had a beautiful huge cock. And would take me in many ways.

Let me back up a bit....and post something I wrote about before....

There was a whole community - just like the BDSM community - there was a sex industry community. We had forums, parties, socializing and such. There was a man that kind of rallied the "community." He did interviews and a "date" with the escorts and then after he would basically write up a review along with the interview and post it to the escort forums. When he would do this the girl would get a lot of good advertising. Well this man did one of me with a little bit of a BDSM twist. I was out about my BDSM interests but it was also known I didn't really engage in it unless I got to know the person. And even then I really was selective. I did some rough sex type of things and spanking but that was about it.

So after the interview I got quite a few gentlemen that would see me several times and then mention the BDSM and their interest in it. Very few of them from the bottom and several from the top. For the most part it is as I said above most of them just wanted someone who enjoyed sex and was very wanton. But I did have a few that wanted to do some BDSM elements in our time together. And one of those gentlmen is the one I mentioned above...he talked about the interview in his initial email to me...and that was unusual as they usually were to shy to bring it up right away. It would take a few appointments before many of the men would mention the BDSM. But this gentlemen did and he had a reference for me to call one of the other girls in the community. He didn't say in his email what he was wanting but he mentioned the interview so I knew it was something more then just a regular appointment. But I told him I would have to meet him first.

So on our first date/appointment he showed up at my hotel room with a couple of diet cokes and said he wanted to talk first. Again not something that was really the norm. So we sat down and he proceeded to tell me he wanted something specific and that if I could provide it he would be seeing me very regularly.

As I said he was an older man...almost 70. He wasn't from the states although he had lived here a very long time but still had his accent. Oh so nice...shiver! He wasn't bad looking. And so we sat and he proceeded to tell me that he hadn't really been able to find the type of date he wanted from anyone. Basically he didn't want to talk. He said his wife, his girlfriends over the years and the escorts he hired all wanted to talk before, during and/or after and he just wanted to come in get down to business and have fun without talking and all the emotional things women do. He said he liked noise and talking dirty during sex but he didn't want to talk before or after. He also liked it a bit rougher. I felt very comfortable with him. And after a little more conversation about what he wanted I told him that I felt I could provide him with what he needed. And then we had some fun before he left. It was pretty mild the first time. I knew he was just testing the waters as I was too.

After that though all other dates went to no talking. And so this was a typical date with him. I would be dressed in something sexy....often thigh highs, heels, and some type of lingerie. Occasionally he would ask that I greet him in just thigh highs and heels or a special type of outfit/costume (such as a school girl). He would show up and I would open the door and not say hello or anything. I just open the door and let him come in. He would take care of business - pay. And then he would undress and put a condom on - all without saying anything to me. After he was done he would come to me, grab me and kiss me...usually while pull off lingerie (at least panties or bottoms). Or push me to my knees to give him a blow job. And then it moved to sex - vaginal or anal. He was often rough he would dig his fingers into my breasts and ass. He pulled my hair. He was very forceful in how he handled me - pushing me to the bed, spreading my legs, holding my mouth to his cock and so on. Often he did spanking and of course talk dirty to me also. After he had an orgasm, he would lay there for a few minutes, then get up, clean up, get dressed and then say good bye. And that was it. I always got follow up emails from him telling me that I did great and he had a great time. And I am glad he did that as it would probably make me wonder if he had not had a good time. And that submissive part in me does like to please!

So for some randomness about him...

* Wow, wow, wow, he knew what to do sexually. I usually orgasmed with him multiple times during our appointment. Not only with sex (which is a very rare occasion that I orgasm from vaginal sex) but with just the little bit of spanking and digging his fingers into me. He combined it in just the right way to send me over always.

* He was the first uncut guy I had been with and also the largest man I had been with. He was a short man - he was maybe an inch or two shorter then I. He would get undressed, have wrinkly skin from age and then expose this big smooth uncut cock all hard and ready to go. And it just always amazed me to look at him...this little man that looked like a sweet innocent Grandpa and here just moments after he undressed he would be fucking me and making me moan with pleasure.

* He was the first older man I was with that liked to role play Daddy/girl. He liked it when I dressed as a school girl. He liked kind of role playing that I had done something bad at school and now came home to get punished. Or that I had been showing off my tits and pussy to the boys and school and he wanted me to show him how I did that. I never thought with someone just who was really a stranger - no emotional connection - I would be able to get off on doing that type of thing but I did with him. Previously all of my Daddy/little girl experiences had been with men only slightly older or slightly younger then me so this felt umm much hotter in a way for me as he was older and realistically could have had a daughter my age. And I never expected that it would turn me on in the ways it did because of my past.

* I have many fond memories of him. All his appointments left me very wet. I will also always remember him for another reason - because I was with him on 9/11 and we didn't have the tv on so I found out after. Later when I was checking out of the hotel room. It was such a good appointment. I came out so happy and excited just replaying it in my head moments after he left. It was a roleplay day with me as a school girl and him as Daddy finding out I was a bad girl at school. So I have these vivid memories because of the fun we had but coming out and knowing that while I was having all that fun - tragedy was striking the USA....well it is odd to think about. It is also one of those questions I always have to tiptoe around when people ask where I was when I found out. I wonder if he thinks of me on 9/11 like I think of him.

* Overall - our appointments were some of my favorite. He dared and it turned me on. It was the whole package of how he looked, how we didn't talk except during sex, how he fucked me, how he spanked and dug his fingers into me...it was all very hot for me and I always looked forward to our appointments.


(Thank you Fleshbot for putting this entry in the weekly roundup)

Service Book of Days

I wrote this yesterday morning but forgot to post....so posting now.

* Outside my window...it is fairly sunny today after raining so much yesterday

* my thoughts...are on the tasks ahead of me today

* Today's Quote..."Excellence is an art won by training and habituation. We do not act rightly because we have virtue or excellence, but we rather have those because we have acted rightly. We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act but a habit." - Aristotle, Philosopher

* i am thankful for...the library. I have checked out a lot of books on making bath products as it is what I would like to make for gifts this holiday season.

* From my service training... making excellence a habit.

* From the kitchen... I have put this weeks menu up at Domestic Servitude.

* i am wearing...Jean skirt and red-t-shirt

* i am creating...some work related stuff for Master

* my adventures this week... we are at home this week and I am thankful for that as we will be going out of town soon for a week or longer.

* Becoming well read... books on making bath products and also a Christmas craft book

* i manifest and co-create... excellence and how do I apply that in my service to Master.

* Today's Melody... Melissa Etheridge's SKIN

* One of my favorite things... water - I drink it all day long. It feels refreshing after scrubbing the floor and cleaning the bathroom.

* further plans for this week... cleaning and getting ready for when we go out of town. And keeping in my thoughts - excellence.

* Still....life
a picture I took while in Minnesota...

I don't hate my life

I just finished The Reunion - again. And this time I have a ton of little flags sticking out. Usually when I read a book - the first time I just read it. And if it is a book I read the second time then I stop to put flags in bits and pieces I want to remember. And this quote it one of those that I flagged.

Robin discussing her life in service to Chris Parker on the plane to Ireland....

"It was everything you said, everything you wrote, about the balance between owner and owned, the sense of knowing your place in the world and the strength that comes from that. Oh, I guess there were some days when I hated the workload, or I was just exhausted - but I never hated my life."

Words....Part 2

Princess - Princess is very much part of my little girl side. I like the things that associated with being a princess - shiny, tiaras, pretty pink, twirly skirts and glitter. And I just like Princesses...especially Belle from Beauty in the Beast. And Master indulges my princess side quite a lot. And I am very thankful he allows me to his princess. "I am a princess. All girls are. Even if they live in tiny old attics. Even if they dress in rags, even if they aren't pretty, or smart, or young. They're still princesses. All of us." ~ The Little Princess

Laughter - "The most wasted of all days is one without laughter." ~e.e. cummings
This is going to be kind of random...
* Master makes me laugh daily. He is very funny so makes me laugh quite a bit. And I am thankful for that laughter in our relationship.

* The other night I was reading book 9 of the Stephanie Plum series and I started to laugh so hard that I woke up Master. But I couldn't stop laughing the scene I was reading was so funny that I was shaking the bed. Master threatened to take the book away from me. For those curious of the scene it is Lula on her all meat diet and she is being chased by the dogs.

* I smiled with this word because I associate laughter with the person that gave me these words. Because when her and I talk we laugh often. And I am very thankful for her friendship and that she makes me laugh!

Hearth - "The ordinary arts we practice every day at home are of more importance to the soul than their simplicity might suggest." ~ Thomas Moore

Hearth the symbol for home life. But for me also now a symbol of domestic service. When I was a little girl, I dreamed of being a big city girl living her dream of being an artist. Not married. Hearth and home weren't parts of my growing up dream. When I got married, then that nesting instinct kicked in for me. But it is Master who has really allowed me to explore my love of all things Hearth and Home. When I became Master's, he really liked the idea of having me at home. I was worried it wouldn't be satisfying. But really it was from the start. I could see how much Master enjoyed it and so for me it became even more of a draw. Being of domestic service to me is not just about keeping the house clean, it is also about creating a haven for for Master. It is my hope that his home is a place to retreat and rest from the pressures of the hectic outside world.

Mouse - "Fear grows in darkness; if you think there's a bogeyman around, turn on the light." ~ Dorothy Thompson

Mouse equals fear for me. I don't like to see mice in movies, commercials, photos....I don't like rubber mice...or cat toys that look like mice....the thought of mice....writing about them as I am....will make me jumpy the rest of the day and possible nightmares. That is how scared of mice I am.

When I was just a little girl of 2 or 3, we lived in a house that had mice, mice mice every where. Yes I know it is odd that I remember something from that little - I think because it was so scary to me that it stuck. It was rental house as my dad was transferred quite a bit those first years of working with the company he works with even to this day. The house had a dirt cellar. One that could be accessed from the inside of the house but also from outside cellar doors. Our house backed fields...thus we had lots of field mice in our house. When we would play on the floor, the mice would be running around the edges of the living room. When my Mom would open cupboards, they would sitting there. When I slept, they at times ran over me. When I opened my drawers, they jumped out at me.

So I am very scared of them...even after all these years. Logic doesn't seem to play into it - I am bigger them....yeah that is true but even as typing this and thinking of them I shivered. It doesn't matter that I am bigger then them. It doesn't matter that they are probably "more" scared of me then I am of them (I doubt that they are though). I know they are teeny tiny. I don't like them. I am scared of them. It is irrational that I still have this fear after all these years.

Here is my account of when we had mice and then Master's which is funnier. And reading both and retelling the story I can laugh about it but believe me - last night when we came home and Caesar was acting weird - I came running to Master to protect me. (No mouse not sure why he was acting weird.)

Muse - “The muse ushers the artist into the empty room and points silently at the tightrope.” - Jean Cocteau

My muse for my art sometimes feels like that....especially after not creating in a while and getting back into it. It is like I am going to have to walk a tightrope. It feels scary and almost too scary to try again. I walk to it and look down seeing all the things that can go wrong or are wrong. I see all the fears - hearing that voice inside that says..."why even bother it isn't good anyway"...."how can you call yourself an artist - you are lying to everyone and especially yourself." I wish I could accept my muse as is and not allow the voices to over shadow it.

I don't feel that the muse only comes to me with art. But also I feel it in other areas of my life. Mostly in domestic service...or just service in general. I don't always act on it though and that bothers me. But again it goes to that tightrope thing. I get scared I am going to fail. Or that how can I call myself a service slave and so on.

March Questions: 3 Random Questions

What's your single most favorite book quote of all time. I can't narrow it down to one quote. I am quote whore.

"He knew one of the women well, and had shared his universe with her. They had seen the same mountains, and the same trees, although each of them had seem them differently. She knew his weaknesses, his moments of hatred, of despair. Yet she was there at his side. They shared the same universe." ~ Paulo Coelho, The Valkyries

Try to find pleasure in the speed that you're not used to. Changing the way you do routine things allows a new person to grow inside of you. But when all is said and done, you're the one who must decide how you handle it." -- From Paulo Coelho's book The Pilgrimage

"There is a theory that if you yearn sincerely enough for a Guru, you will find one. The universe will shift, destiny's molecules will get themselves organized and your path will soon intersect with the path of the master you need." From Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert

"It's an essential part of training to provoke strong emotions. But as you know, one mark of a good slave is the ability to let the anger go and continue working, continue serving, continue offering respect and deference. Now, if the anger and shame and hurt can then change to love or affection or lust -- well, that's our mark as a sadomasochist, isn't it?" From The Reunion by Laura Antoniou

If you could re-enact the perfect movie scene with anyone (alive, celebrity, famous, or not - whoever) what scene would that be and why. Well we are movie buffs. I love movies. They are a great escape and entertainment. But I have to say a movie came to mind when I read this question - Gone with the Wind. I think a couple scenes with Rhett Butler that would be fun to re-enact. Why? Because I love Rhett's arrogance.

Name a celebrity you wish was in the lifestyle. Gerard Butler - and I would love to see him at an event in full Phantom costume with a single tail creating slashes across the back of a damsel in distress.

Quote from Eat Pray Love

"There is a theory that if you yearn sincerely enough for a Guru, you will find one. The universe will shift, destiny's molecules will get themselves organized and your path will soon intersect with the path of the master you need." From Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert

menage a trois quote

From Kink by Kathe Koja: "And although it seems assumed that a menage a trois means, is non-stop fucking, still for us that definition lost all boundaries, failed to contain us because for us it was contained, subsumed in that greater bond; call it instead a kind of marriage, and if sex is the heart of any marriage still it is not the whole: we are the whole."