You are the Only One

You know something I can't stand.....when people try to tell you what is best for you even when they are going by just some posts on the internet.  They read your blog or posts on FetLife and decide they know you better then you do yourself.  Even my close friends usually don't tell me what is best for me. They just remind me that I am the one with the answers for myself.  So not sure why people who are strangers from the internet feel they know someone completely just from reading a blog online...why they feel they know them better then that person knows themselves.

Here is an example I keep coming across on the blog-o-sphere....

"You shouldn't be pursuing poly." Sometimes it is just that or sometimes they offer up more...a because - such as if the persons issues/struggles that then they shouldn't be poly.  

I have in the almost 12 years of blogging and longer being in the community heard this for everything under the sun...

"You shouldn't be with him because if you are struggling it must not be meant to be."

"You shouldn't be with him because he is abusing you." 

"You shouldn't do poly because are jealous."

"You shouldn't do poly because you have doubts of his love for you."'
"You should break up with him if he isn't doing what you want." 

"You shouldn't do bdsm because you like pain too much so will put yourself in danger."

So on and so forth....of "You should or shouldn't..."

But what I say is - First if you are someone that offers up that "You should(n't)....",  please stop and realize "You should(n't)...." really doesn't help.  If you are someone that gets "You should(n't)..." from people just offering up their advice, PLEASE don't let someone on the internet who doesn't know you tell you what you should and shouldn't do or what is best for you. YOU are the only one that can know if poly is the right path for you. You are the only one that can tell if a relationship is abusive. You are the only one that can tell if person you are with is right for you.  

We all struggle and have doubts at times. It is looking at those and deciding why and how to work through it is the right thing to do.  And YOU are the only one who can do that....not any stranger or semi-stranger who comments on your blog.

HNG's

Warning a rant tonight...and it might be just because I am not feeling well.

Okay, tonight's come on -- hit that level of one too many. I usually don't answer them. But on FetLife I do as I am greeter there and often the people that send me come on replies are people I have greeted. It happens less now that I changed my greeting making it very clear in the beginning I am just the one of the people from the welcome wagon. But it still happens. And so I usually politely reply to them saying I am just there to greet them and happily in a relationship. I also get those that friend me because I greet them. And I don't mind that but sometimes they are friending me to come on to me.

One reason I like FetLife as it has cut down on the HNG's for me. Whenever I signed on to Bondage.com - it was moments and I was getting a message asking to chat or having a rude come on. And on FetLife people can't see when you are online and it is meant to be more social networking than a hook-up place like bondage.com or collarme.com so it has been nice.

Anyway tonights email had so many problems and most message of that sort are similar...but I really want to know if it works for them? It must at some point or they wouldn't keep doing it right? It is sad that someone would reply to it. Makes me wonder about why they respond - what about it works for them.

So tonights said he read my profile on FetLife (which most of them say that)....

This is my profile:

So I have been trying to come up with a more personal about me blurb. As I say on my bio on our website I always hated standing up and introducing myself on the first day of class. And the same is true now. I never know what to say.

Just a few things.... I am wired for domestic service, to obey and be property. I am bisexual, masochistic and sexually submissive. I consider myself poly although Master and I aren't actively seeking outside relationships at this time.

I am a long time blogger - blogging about my life and thoughts/beliefs of the lifestyle. We have a website that is called within Reality because although we are a kinky Master/slave couple we believe in keeping our feet firmly planted in reality. It has our thoughts on the lifestyle as well as various resources and essays. I also have a group here on FetLife devoted to Domestic Servitude.

Things I like... coloring, breath play, slapping, reading, intelligence, collecting quotes, baking, Buddhism, green beans, purple, anything by Joss Whedon, being punched and kicked, Alice in Wonderland, Carbon Leaf, typography, Frida Kahlo, Paulo Coelho, autumn, summer rain, art history, hoods, fresh pineapple, cookbooks, Eat Pray Love, tea, thrift stores, simple pleasures, gratitude, domestic service, Breakfast at Tiffany's, free speech, icons and digital graphics, mail art, Asian food, progressive politics, museums, the word yes

I am.... a mixed media artist, passionate, serious, strong willed, emotional, open-minded, procrastinator, loyal, shy but outspoken and just a complex mix of things that shouldn't go together.

And last but certainly not least....I have been owned and in service to Michael for 5 years. I am very proud to His.

So this person took one thing I enjoy and pulled it out and asked about him and I doing that together. Of course this thing was a BDSM thing and of course they just skipped over the fact I am property. Now I get some people don't understand what that means. And they just think everyone is poly or in an open relationship or that they just don't care. But I guess if I was going to come on to someone who was in a relationship - I might scope out first if they able to see others or how it works for them and so on. Might become friends with that person and ask how they handle playing with others if that is what I was wanting. Anything other then hey baby want get together and do such and such.

An odd coincidence I just went to FetLife and there is a thread on a group about a man that did a test on doing polite introductory messages and the rude one liners that many of us say we don't like and the rude one liners got more responses. He felt it was because submissive women wanted a rough man and the polite message comes off effeminate. Do you think that is true? It isn't true for me. I really don't get it.

I just mentioned recently how it was an anniversary for Master and I - it was when he sent me his first message and I replied to him. The reason I replied to him is because he was so real, honest and that came off confident and strong to me. And that is what made me want to reply to him right away.

So the one-liners and lets get-it-on type emails just don't do it for me. They turn me off and annoy me.

Don't Believe In It Anymore

About a month ago or two ago I was looking through our website and updating some things. And started to think about pulling some of the essays I have written because they don't really fit with what I believe anymore. Does it matter I don't believe in the essay anymore? It is my words and I did believe it once. It is something some still relate too even if I don't. So does it matter if I don't like it?

Ignoring as a form of punishment is one of those essays I don't believe in anymore. In the essay I really come out against it. I say many things in it that I just don't believe are true or frankly I don't find accurate. And ignoring as a form of punishment is something I believe in now. Master has done it to me early on in our relationship. Not to the extent that most think of when thinking of it as a punishment but it still was ignoring. In some situations, I can see it being not a good thing for a relationship but it our relationship I accept it as I understand it suits Master. If he is mad at me, he doesn't want to talk to me. So ignoring me works for him. And I survive and work hard so that it doesn't happen again.

That essay isn't the only essay that I don't believe in anymore or like or wonder if I should pull. I go back and forth on them. And so for now they stay there.

Also what got me started on this topic again though really was because someone used several of my essays without my permission - posting them to FetLife without credit. And the Ignoring as a Form of Punishment was one of them and it generated A LOT of comments. It made me cringe just seeing it and all the comments.

Feet Not Planted in Reality?

I have been going through my archives and trying to label/tag more of the entries. I came across this entry early in my blogging days. I didn't list the website. I tried to google it and not even my blog came up for it so it must be a dead website.

I came upon a site and I cannot believe all the things that I disagree with on it. I know I took it very literal but to me you need to be CLEAR on what you are meaning in D/s because we each have our own ways and views of how to do life. I disagree so strongly I am writing about them. I wonder if this person has ever done Real Life D/s. Or if it has totally been online. Because going from my experiences – I would say he has only done online.

I am going to cut and paste and then commented on each thing.

"If he is not happy or content with a slave or a slave is not happy and content with their MASTER and it cannot be resolved within a reasonable amount of time he must release her. If he does not release her she has the option to seek another even while enslaved and when another MASTER claims her she is owned by him from that point on.” [Read the rest of the entry]

Fluff

Some people get all up in arms about the posting of what they call "fluff" (music, youtube, links and memes) to blogs they read.

I started this journal to help me be true to myself and just flesh out what was going on in my life. Seeing it in words on the world wide web helped me not lie to myself. It is place just to share my life and experiences of course too -- it is a blog. So it is place that whatever in the moment I feel like writing or sharing - is what gets posted. But the main thing is it is something about me and that I responded to in a way that I want to write and share.

So I write about my life but I also share links, quotes, lyrics, music, memes because this blog is about me and the things I post - I responded too...I enjoyed it or couldn't stand it. It touched me in some way so I am sharing. So ultimately it is about me so if you see a youtube video on my blog -- and you can't stand when people post them by all means skip. But please know I am just not posting it to make sure I made a post because I haven't posted in a while or just to get readers or anything of the sort. I am posting it because it means something to me.

The same goes with memes. Recently there was a Christmas meme that I did and a dear friend responded that she loves when I answered things like it. I replied she was in the minority as I always hear about how people hate memes. I went back to read the meme after her comment...maybe see what she saw in it...and really it did tell a lot about me. I shared little stories of Christmas' past, I shared my likes and dislikes of Christmas. I enjoyed reminiscing over some memories it stirred up. I answered questions I might not have thought about before. The meme...told a lot about me. And this blog is about me...in all the varying degrees.

There is a blogger I read that posts mostly pictures but at times posts these really personal, insightful, beautiful posts. And sure I would like it they posted more of the personal writings then just photos but that doesn't make that they are only posting fluff. By seeing the photos they post -- I am in fact learning something about them. I see what gets them going, where their head is that day, and they share something with me that I maybe wouldn't have seen if it weren't for that post so for me it isn't just fluff.

If it is all fluff to you, then skip it by all means but I do want to thank the people that see something more. Oh and beware the next post will probably be a meme!

Galatica, Whedon and the Grinch that stole Christmas

I was reading my livejournal friend's list and someone mentioned Battlestar Galactica and so I messaged Master to ask if he has heard when the new season started. We weren't fond of how the last season ended so are very interested to see where the next season goes.

Anyway, he was searching and came across an article about Jane Espenson writing an episode of Battlestar. Jane Espenson was a writer for Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Angel and Firefly. So, of course I was doing a little happy dance in my chair. I then scrolled down the article to the comments and the first comment was TRASHING Joss Whedon the creator of all the before mentioned shows. I pouted and told Master how could someone say that about Joss. (If you haven't picked it up yet...I am a Joss Whedon whore - anything done by Joss I will probably drool and get turned on by watching.) And so I pouted and told Master that the commenter needed to be taken out and shot (of course being the pacifist I am that is probably an exaggeration brought on by frustrations of someone trashing Joss -- but really a good spanking while watching Buffy might cure him) and Master said: "Joss is a very intense writer...he throws in more spins and curves - that's bound to make life miserable for his viewers. That's why we like him. But for the rosy-cheek colored kids in the world that want a happy ending to every story, Whedon is no more than the Grinch that stole Christmas. People who have such shallow opinions - just get ignored by me because they don't have any depth in their analysis. Nothing more than a trivial school-yard mentality." Woohoo Master! He is so good!

Whatever Happened to Everyday Life?

Someone left a comment on Master's blog that said he should write about BDSM stuff - "because that is the stuff worth writing about." When He told me about it I rolled my eyes and shook my head. Master wrote about it in his blog but I also wanted to make a few comments.

Master actually I don't think has ever wrote about BDSM things. Mastery, Dominance, everyday life and such but not graphic SM. And I am sure someone could say that about my blog as well...especially lately. We write about life....whatever comes out in the moment....everyday life - which can include M/s, SM, work, domestic things, family, friends and so on. Master has never written for anyone. He does not care if anyone even reads his blog or not. He writes for himself. And I think you can see that in how and what he writes about. Really I am the same way. I started my journal years and years ago before I met Master. For me it was a way to find myself...writing through all the emotions and chaos that was my life at the time. Putting it out on the web helped me be true to myself - because the thought of people reading - friends and strangers made me examine myself and the truth of my life. It was hard to deny life with it right there in text for anyone surfing in from the great world wide web. And over the years it really did help me - keep it real everyday. Now I am a much different person but it still helps me keep everything real - seeing my life there in text. Writing about anything and everything that life is....being a slave but also my art, my domestic responsibilities, my issues, my daily life...just life.

So my question is...why is BDSM worth writing about but not everyday life? I would like to know that. For me the bdsm stuff can stay offline...it would probably never bother me if I never wrote about anything SM ever again. Because I like that it is his and mine. Yes at times I am an exhibitionist and yes at times Master had told me to write so I do and yes sometimes a particular scene makes me giddy and I like to share it but I don't think it is the thing worth writing about. Every day little things happen that I want to remember. I would say most of us remember big things in our lives...and a lot of our sexual and SM encounters. Yes, I love SM and sex but that really isn't what makes our relationship. It is the everyday little things...that get lost....it is seeing Master enjoy something I have cooked for him, it is Master telling me a funny story that makes us both laugh, it is passing each other in the hall and getting that look...that we know the passion and love in each other. Our relationship that grows out of our daily life....all the big moments and little moments...moments of daily life....and that is what is worth writing about to me because it is our daily life that I treasure the most.

Quick....Random Bits

I am back from the servant's retreat. We will be heading towards our home tomorrow. I am of mixed feelings on the whole experience. I am sure I will be writing lots about it though.

I am going to do just a few random snippets now that I know won't always make sense to anyone but me. I might be expanding on some of these later.

* I hate drama
* It is hard not to be sucked into some dramas when people you love are getting hurt
* respect between people (lifestyle and vanilla) seem to going even more down hill then I realized
* manners and common sense seem to go out the window a lot more these days
* when manners and common sense go out the window when infatuation enters the picture -- that is a red flag to me
* I know I just said manners and common sense seem to go out of the window but at times there is a need to be a bitch...and well I can be a bitch...I don't put up with a lot of drama, energy wasters, rudeness, and lack of respect. And it can be handled calmly logically and even politely although forceful too.
* I am not very friendly....I am very quick to know who is a person worth expanding that effort of friendship. And I know I put the energy off as "stay away" if I don't feel the person is worth my energy. And even more so I am comfortable with being this way.
* I wonder if not being friendly has come from being more isolated also because it seems since being with Master that I don't socialize with people as easily as I used too. Unless I am utterly comfortable in the situation.
* I realized this weekend I have grown a lot in knowing myself and I think I had not realized the extent of it until this weekend.
* I don't like "dominants" that try to control others through manipulations of situations
* I hate Chicago O'Hare airport!!!!!!!! (stranded there from 1pm to 10:12pm when they finally got me on a flight to where I needed to be)
* Though I did meet one person in that airport who I am at least thankful that I had a chance to meet as she is someone I will remember for quite some time. She was so interesting.
* I hate fall allergies...they are almost worse then my spring ones the older I get
* I have lots of work to do
* I had frantic emails from clients even though they knew I was on vacation and unavailable while out of town waiting for me today
* ho-ho's and wine don't go together very well but they do work in a pinch after an emotionally stressful day!
* I spent dinner with an amazing bunch of women last night. I wish I could have just spent time more time with them as they were funny, smart, and sexy to boot!
* I am so happy I got to see girlie
* I AM SO GLAD to with Master again! I missed Him so much!

Vent....

Did you know that because Master can do what he wants me to me and I am not in control...that he will one day cut off limbs?

I get very annoyed by those type of remarks. They get tiring just to answer a million times too -- because you would think out in this big umbrella of BDSM we would get by now that EVERYONE does it DIFFERENTLY!

Sorry just a little annoyed that some people just don't seem to get it.

Maybe more on this later...

Quick Life Update

Just a quickie to say we are home...but Master is leaving again. So, I hope to have some time to do a longer blog tomorrow night. But I do have lots on my list to do while He is out of town.

Here are just a few random notes....

Our weekend kind of got messed up because of the rain but it still was a good weekend with some positives.

Master bought the new Coldplay CD....I really like it already...and not even all the way through it the first time yet

Master took me to the Dollar Tree while we were out of town. Master bought me quite a few fun art things! Thank you Master!

Needing some girl time....talked to nuala today on the phone, hopefully going to chat with another friend tomorrow and also going to call Moni this week too! Plus I have done some emails to several friends too.

I can't stand drama but found out some drama tonight. I can't understand why people are so screwed up that they hang on to hatred...and that is the only word for it...hatred. Don't they understand what that does to them....their bodies, mental health, emotional health. Maybe they like the drama...I think sometimes we get so used to it we don't know any other way...I used to be like that. But I just feel sorry for those that don't wake up

I am going to do some art this week...so doing a happy dance!

I have been getting lots of wonderful, beautiful, artful maillove!

I am drinking diet coke out of my princess cup - it has Belle, Cinderella, and Aurora on it

I am going to miss Master while He is out of town

We both took lots of pictures this weekend. Master has me using His old camera so maybe now I am catching the camera bug as I had a lot of fun taking pictures with Him this weekend

Very thankful I live in Colorado! It is so beautiful

I am reminded many times over....each day that I am very lucky to have such a wonderful Master....Thank you for claiming me Master...I love you

Venting....My Yahoogroup

I run an adult porn picture yahoo group. I have had it for 5 years. As the anniversary for the 5th year came up I was looking at how many people were set on no mail. Well on yahoo groups if you are on no mail, it means you don't get the daily pictures as they don't archive them like egroups and onelist (the two groups that came before yahoo groups).

I do a theme a week on the group. At the end of the week I put all the pictures into zip files and upload to the file section so people who don't have the email box space or time to be on individual can have a chance to look at them.

Okay here is where the vent comes into place...

My welcome message - that a person gets when they sign up - says that if you are set to anything other then individual emails you need to contact me or you will be unsubscribed.

Well, I have been not been enforcing it...so last week I sent out 3 notices to everyone on the list saying that if I did not hear from the people set who were not set on individual emails that they would be unsubscribed. I just really was curious how many were actually enjoying the list. As silly as it may sound it does take me some time to get the pictures ready and even just take time to send them each day so if people were not really even enjoying them....then I did not want to continue on with it.

So, I had some responses (majority from people who were safe as they were on individual). So early Saturday morning, as per the notices, I unsubscribed everyone who had not written me.

You will not believe how many people I have had writing me this week saying, "I got unsubscribed somehow." I want to say okay you read the unsubscribe notice, but you don't read the other 3 notices I sent out with, "IMPORTANT please read ASAP!"

Master and I were talking how in this day and age of spam that we think that people just see IMPORTANT and go yeah right and click delete. So that is what may have happened.

Okay...I have a plan the next time I need to send out a notice. Someone on the list, responded on the list saying they wanted to stay on the list, but were wondering if I would be sending out any bestiality pictures. Well, my group has been around for a while and with yahoo groups being really finicky and flaky on when they delete a group I have opted not to send any out. But offered that if anyone wanted a set of bestaility pictures to write me and I would get a zip file to them.

So, I had people read that (that had the same subject line IMPORTANT please read ASAP!) and tell me they wanted the zip and were set to no mail yet did not tell me if they wanted to continue with the group but said they wanted the zip. So they did not even read the original message, but saw the word bestaility in the text so read that message.

So because of that...I have decided the next important notice that goes out....will have the subject line of bestiality and then my important message just to get people's attention!

Now anyone that is from the yahoo group that is reading this....please know I appreciate everyone on the list. I am glad people enjoy the pictures...and that is really what this going through the membership list was all about...I just wanted to make sure people wanted to be there.

I do have a really good group of people that has been around on the list for the 5 years or close to that. They are always there ready to help out and offer suggestions and enjoy the pictures.

Also one last thing as I know I will get emails if I don't include it...

Link to the yahoo group.

Odds-n-Ends

Newbies and Online Annoyances

This is vent...beware these views are going to come out sounding very judgmental and well they are...

Sometimes my patience level for "newbies" and online stuff is very short...I think I am pmsing. And I know once upon a time I was new. So it is not fair of me...I know that. I know also we all do things differently so it could just be their way. But I still get annoyed.

By the way most of this comes people on forums or elists.

This week I was annoyed by:
* a submissive that I thought was serving real life that I found out was only serving online. She was offering advice to someone in real life when she has never served in real life. And when she offered the advice I read it and went I wonder if she serves online only. And in some posts afterwards I found out that was true. If online is your thing...more power to you. But serving real life is so different then online.
* a submissive was saying she was finally surrendering to her dominant. And everyone is congratulating her and then it comes out that it is online and they have known each other a whole 2 days online.
* a submissive who was told to buy herself a collar. Her and her dominant are online. So she is going out and buying herself a collar. I don't get it. I am sorry. I don't. I don't get being online and having a real collar. And I guess part of me thinks well he should buy it and send it to her if it is that important to him.
* submissive having to go out and buy an expensive flogger to beat herself with because of her online dominant ordered her too. why bother beating yourself? why bother buying something that the person said she could not afford but he still told her to get it? does he want her to get behind in her bills?
* another was suppose to pick a name out for herself because she was told "all submissive get renamed when owned." ummm no they don't. danae is the nick that Master met me with and I still have and will I am sure for years and years. And then again why is she picking it out and not him.
* submissive who think having vanilla times is meaning that they are not doing D/s. I am not sure why but that has really gotten on my nerves lately. Or those who think that just because they are not playing means they are not doing D/s. In my world that means we are not playing period. The play does not affect our dynamic.

Many things I read this week just screamed with red flags. Again it goes to the submissive fever thing I wrote about recently, it seemed many of the submissives that annoyed me this week rushed in and didn't even know the person they are involved with on the other end of that computer. And I guess if online is all your seeking, maybe you don't need to get to know each other. Maybe it is viewed that online is harmless fun but I think it can lead to unhealthy obsessions. And even if doing strictly online, I don't know why you would not get to know the person. Even in when I make friends online, I like knowing I have other things in common with them then just the lifestyle.

I know I have several interests in common with online friends. And same goes with real life. Many of my friends Ohio were in the lifestyle and practice it much differently then I did but that did mean I could not be friends with them. It meant that we usually got along because of other interests.

End of rant. I just needed to vent my frustration. I am sure it is pms because normally I just skip right over these kind of things.

Quiz

Here is a little quiz...Fake or Real Tits...

I scored 19 out of 20.

Life Update

I have been busy reorganizing all week. And still have more to do next week. Since moving here there were some boxes I just could not get to see what was in them. Well in finally being able to unpack the rest of my things this week. I have found lots of things missing. I am missing a box of memorabilia. It had pictures I drew when I was little, report cards, my diplomas, pressed roses from Jim when we were dating and from prom, and things like that. Another box containing china 2 sets (one set of Fostoria and another that had wheat pattern on it with gold trim). Plus a set of wine glasses that my parents got as a wedding present. I also am missing a box of Christmas stuff - a Christmas cookie jar, nutcrackers, and Christmas tea pot. So that was kind of making me depressed the last few days. When I moved here a little part of me thought when I was going through things that I was missing boxes, but I just kept telling myself they must be here somewhere. But now I know for certain they aren't here.

I will now have a room that has all my art and craft supplies readily accessible. Plus I have my old dining room table in the spare room too so I can even draw and do projects right there so that will be very nice! Sewing machine is set up now too! And I have my first project waiting to be done taking an old pair of curtains and making them into a new pair for the office.

Well Master just said He is tired so that is my cue to sign off.

A Break...

I am thinking of taking a blogging break....it might be a day or week. I am not sure at the moment....

There has been some online elist dramas that have gone beyond words. I don't like dramas. I had a lot of them in my past and worked hard to get out of that pattern. And when online dramas seep into my real life something is SERIOUSLY wrong. Because it is just a discussion list. And right now I am so filled with anger and disappointment that I don't think I could write anything nice. And I have been being really nice. I am human I can only take so much crap.

Thanks to everyone that wrote me today about it. I appreciate it. I will be answering emails and who knows after I sleep on it - I might feel differently then I do now.

Pet Peeve

I really don't like that people use the title Master, Lord or even Sir in their nicknames/email address' - What further peeves me is that there are people that use the word Master and they don't know what the hell it means to be a Dominant ......or even a man at times. If you are truly a good Dominant I don't see the need to use the name Master in your nick, because a submissive will know just by the words your speak and your actions. I have been places - vanilla settings and there is just a feeling when I have met a man where I know - I know he is a good man and Dominant..or dominant qualities. Also I don't like it because the only man I want to call Master is the one that owns me and if I am in a chat with Master Wannabe - I am not going to call him Master as he is not MY Master nor would I want him to be. So anyway that is my rant this morning.

peace,
danae

Screw It

i am not sure what i want to write right now. i am mixed of sadness and being pissed off. And I really do not have anything to be pissed off at. I do and don't. I want things to be different then they are and I have to be patient is what everyone has told me. Or I need to do things to change them. Well, I am even if others do not see it. The only person that needs to see it is ME! I do not think I need to be patient right now. Screw it! I want it all and I deserve it. Going out Saturday night. It was one of those nights were I was invited to do about 4 things and going to end up only doing one :( And it is the thing that I least want to do. Fun fun! Plus I have to work tomorrow. And I just am frustrated with that too.

I just want to scream and kick and let it all out! But I can't....I can't do that ever. Fuck...i hate these feelings.

Good night....

danae

Mirrors

Music: The Verve

He always comes through. He is always there when I need him.

Today has been a pretty icky day. And I wrote Sir Nick an email. I was upset and babbling and within moments of sending it....he messages me.

Mind racing.

I did not sleep last night :(

I hear Mistress DM in my head. "We are mirrors."

Okay....I seem to attract people who project their feelings on to me. Try to turn things around when they feel like crap and blame it on me. And I am thinking okay I am a mirror does that mean I do that to other people? If I do God help me because I would never ever want to make people feel that way.

here is what happened.....The local Dominant who I went out with a month ago messaged me this morning. And basically was hurting and so he needed to blame me. He started the conversation off as he was concerned for me...worried that Nick is "playing me," but that did not last long. I never have lied to the local Dominant. I told him how I felt. I have a journal here that tells everyone how I feel. And yet, I was being told so many things that are not true. He does not get me. Period end of story. If he had got me, he would not have pushed like he did that night we met as I needed a friend. And that was very evident just looking at me.

Anyway, the things he said hurt me, but now that I am sitting here writing what he says really did not bother me. I mean they are nothing compared to grand scheme of things. I think what he said affected me...because I have monthly friend and lack of sleep. So I am sure I am extra sensitive. This past weekend being so busy so that I did not have much sleep....is causing me to crash emotionally and mentally. I wrote Sir Nick right away. And I just kind of babbled. I am not sure I made sense and it was moments later he was messaging me. That made me feel very good and special. He tried to pull me out of the funk. But I am crashing and so it is hard to get out of it. I just need a nap.

Changing topics...Sunday or yesterday I cannot remember when it was....I got an email. Basically someone saying I had something on a website that they wrote and should have given them credit. I put on the post that if someone knew who wrote this to please drop me an email because I would like to get permission to use it and also give credit. I wrote how it touched me and really at the time in my life I got it had a profound effect. Before I had posted on the website, I had done an websearch on it, but it came up with about 4 different people possibly writing it and I had not even gone through all the links it gave me. So, I did not really know which of the 4 were the correct author. The thing that got me about the email is.....that this poem is about enjoying life and making sure you enjoy each moment. And here I get an email that seemed very accusing...and kind of harsh...and that seemed kind of ironic for a person that wrote about enjoying life to it fullest. I know it happens so much on the web...people "stealing" or "borrowing" other peoples words and images. I know that it happens because not only does it happen to me, I have done it. On my websites or email groups I try to always credit the people who did the work. But sometime it is hard to do.

Anyway, right before the email popped up in my box. I had taken my website down. Because I am about to redesign, get it up and fully functional...and at its own domain. I am just not sure what domain I want yet. Any suggestions would be appreciated :)

Well, I need to go get dressed and go see a couple of friend and do some work....

peace,
danae

ps: Di has been out busy with work stuff and I miss her *pout*

Backwash.com

I just sent an email off to Sir Nick and I am sure he is going LUCKY me NOT lol

I found this site today.....Backwash.com. It looks like a site where you can posts different topics/articles and then comment on them. What I have read so far I really like :) Anyway, the first article I clicked open was this one about people being detained without lawyers, in solitude without blankets or a toothbrush.

The basics of my email to Nick were.....

Basically who decides who is innocent and guilty? why lock up someone before knowing what their involvement or who they talked to or what their connection is to this attack? I mean if someone is guilty I can understand limiting who they talk to. But why not give them a blanket and toothbrush?

To me doing things like that detaining people who are middle eastern....and treating them like nothing does not make senses to me and seems just insane to do that....we are like the terrorist then to me...like Bin Laden. People follow insane people all the time.....please we have that going on in our own country on a daily basis.....the KKK, David Koresh and Waco.....so we know it happens.

Also I read the next article just now that was talking about people of Khorum having their house flattened by the USA's air raids. In the comments another link is listed but when I tried to go to it....it just came up with a blank page :( But the comments on the article were interesting.

Here is one comment that I am cutting and pasting here that I thought was interesting.....

Posted on: October 16, 2001 14:06
The Chiefs of Staff Chairman, General Richard Myers, said the bombers had struck at arms stores hidden in tunnels and caves, and he suggested that exploding munitions might have caused further damage.

"You do not spend that kind of money and dig that far in and store that many weapons and munitions that it would cause that kind of sustained secondary explosions, unless you have very serious purposes for doing it."

Let me pose these 3 questions:
1- If we assume that the pentagon version is the truth (which I do believe for the most part)... Are we justified in hitting an ammo dump, if there is a risk to nearby civilians?

2- If the secondary explosions did cause that many casualties, can you imagine what would happen if the weapons and rockets in that cave/bunker were actually used?

3- Isn't it likely that the Taliban wants little more than to have civilians killed to rally the Afghan people against the US? In onther words, if the Taliban could get Afghans killed and believeably blame the US, do you think that they would do that either by direct action or inaction?

attacking people's residential areas and houses and killing... children, women and elders in a policy of race elimination", it said.

Does anyone believe that the US is really genocidal? Most of us are pretty comfortable with interracial dating, marriage, etc. Would we really tolerate "race elimination"? Does this hint at a credibility gap between the truth of Taliban claims vs. Pentagon claims?

Look, be skeptical. Stay informed. That's great. But be aware that when there are two versions of a story, even when neither is 100% on target, one may be considerably closer to the truth, which may not even be in the middle of the two choices.

I do not talk of this kind of stuff often sooooo you know it kind of got under my skin today....

peace,
danae

Can you BELIEVE this???

The Vice Guide to Giving Head "Important: You are not going to get AIDS from swallowing. It’s safest to make sure you don’t brush your teeth right before or right after but relax. It’s fine."

Stupid

Music: Janet Jackson: All of you

From Todd: "I want you in sub space 24/7 for a time" from one of our conversations. I was reading through it and lots of things pissed me off in it but this I passed by and was reading on and all of sudden my mind was like...go back go back...and I reread it. That is what he did....

I do not think he knew what he was doing or how to control it to make it work positively. But my mind was in a constant state of mush and confusion. I did not know what was up and down, what was pleasure or pain, or what was good or bad.

He had no business doing what he was with me..or anyone...God, please do not let him do this to anyone else. The same I am says he cares about me..... "I care a great deal about you, and I am anxious to see you get your life together..get your head straight." F**K F**K F**K.....Like he would know what is like to have his life together or head on straight? I just want to hit him and then cry..... I want him to tell me he is sorry. Stupid Stupid Stupid...Like he cares about anyone but himself.

Oh I am sure he will love reading this journal. I reread this about 10 times before deciding to post it.

Good night...

peace,
danae

Nude

Okay going off on a vent......

Would you meet someone at a bdsm meeting for the first time or a vanilla function or place, such as in the mall, and go up to them and ask them to strip so you could see them nude? WELL NO!! so why on earth would you ask for a nude picture of someone you just met online. Why would you ask the questions you do or direct the conversation online as you do if you would not do that in real life?

The surest way to turn me off is treat me differently then you would when meeting me in real life. You would not ask me what my favorite position is the first time meeting me....You would not ask me if I like anal sex the first time meeting me.....so why do it online.

I am attracted to the mind. I hardly ever ask for anyone's picture because if you don't do it mentally for me then it does not matter what you look like and if you do it for me mentally it does not matter what you look like because it is the mind I am attracted to. I will say this again the thing that got me with Todd hook line and sinker is that he emailed me on my extreme name that is very explicit in what I want and he did not talk about anything sexual. He did not even talk D/s at first only to say he was looking for a submissive. He did not talk about the site or my wants or anything sexual or bdsm. Just was normal talked of his hobbies and work and such. And it was SOOO refreshing!

Okay done venting lol

peace,
danae