I came upon a site and I cannot believe all the things that I disagree with on it. I know I took it very literal but to me you need to be CLEAR on what you are meaning in D/s because we each have our own ways and views of how to do life. I disagree so strongly I am writing about them. I wonder if this person has ever done Real Life D/s. Or if it has totally been online. Because going from my experiences – I would say he has only done online.
I am going to cut and paste and then commented on each thing.
"If he is not happy or content with a slave or a slave is not happy and content with their MASTER and it cannot be resolved within a reasonable amount of time he must release her. If he does not release her she has the option to seek another even while enslaved and when another MASTER claims her she is owned by him from that point on.”
If the Master did not release the slave and she was unhappy, what makes it right for her to seek another Master? If she is totally enslaved she would just put up with it and keep serving to me. I am not sure I understand why a Dominant would get involved with a slave that has not been released either. To me it sounds like a way for a Dominant to hit on slaves that are taken by saying, “well she was not happy.”
To me it is the Master's responsibility to release her if he that concerned in making her happy. (But that brings up a whole other set of issues with me.) If he wants to keep her as a slave, he then needs to find a way to resolve the issues he has with her being unhappy...whether that is through meeting her needs to make her happy or saying screw it she needs to suck it up. The same if the slave is not making the Master happy then she needs to find other ways of serving or maybe the Master could modify her training. Or if it is not just not workable, release her. To me there are 3 options in this world – acceptance, change, or go on to something new. So the slave or Master can accept that this is how life will be, they can change it or they can get out.
I want to say some – I put emphasis on some – of this website I agree with. But other parts are just out there.
"A slave derives pleasure from pleasing.”
I do not think a slave derives pleasure. But it is hoped that as a slave, I am getting some fulfillment by pleasing the Dominant. When the word pleasure is used I think many Dominant thinks, “Oh she is giving me this blow job and she will get pleasure from that so no need for sexual gratification for her since the blow job will do that.” *rolling eyes* On a poly list, I recently wrote that I can come second, but that I must come first sometimes in order have my needs fulfilled. It applies to this also. I can give a Dominant a blowjob and do it lots but at some point my sexual needs are going to have to be fulfilled. Slaves have needs just like Master and just "pleasing" does not fulfill all of the slaves needs.
“Manners: A slave must always act respectful to others because she represents her MASTER at all times. She is not allowed to talk to other D/s lifestyle Dominant men or women as each one has their own perception of what’s right or wrong which they feel is right. To engage in conversation with them dilutes a slaves focus to her MASTER.”
Okay I agree that a slave must be respectful and represent her Dominant at all times. But it is this other part what started me wanting to write about this site. This screams that the Dominant is not secure in himself, his slaves or his training of them. It sends little red flags up to me that say the Dominant is scared that his point of view isn't strong enough to keep his slave. Because the slave just hearing someone else’s view could cause her to leave. I believe if you really feel that way, you really should not be in the relationship at all. Because it shows that you do not know your slave/submissive/partner well enough.
“I believe a slave cannot ask an unsolicited question from her MASTER. A question is a demand for an answer and a slave cannot demand anything of her MASTER. She may preface a question with “May (name) ask....” to her MASTER giving him the option to answer or not to answer.”
Okay I have given a lot of thought on this above statement. And I have taken it very literally. But also am toning that down. I do not understand how this works. Questions are learning. Taking it literally this tells me is that the Master might be talking about his favorite hobby…maybe fly fishing and instead of the slave being able to learn about her Master’s favorite hobby by asking questions she just gets to sit there and look pretty. So by restricting questions, I feel the Dominant does not want her to serve to her full potential. Because to me a slave asking questions is learning what her Master want, needs and desires so that she can better serve him. Whether the Dominant wants to answer them is where the control comes into play. She is not “forcing” him to answer – She is not “demanding” he answers. He can if wants or not.
Toning it down - I think he means a slave cannot say, "I would like to go out to dinner tonight Master, can we?" If this is an example of what he means, I still do not get it because the Master has the control to say yes lets or no we do not. She is not "forcing" him to get in the car and go to dinner. She is expressing a want. And to me, a Dominant would want to know his submisives/slave/partners wants as well as needs.
Which brings me to another thing, if a slave cannot ask questions to me she is going to start topping from the bottom, because instead of asking "Master may we turn the heat up, I am cold?" She is going to say, "I am cold." And thus "getting" the Dominant to say "oh lets turn the heat up." To me she is manipulating the situation to get the heat turned up, instead of being direct, clear and expressing herself by saying, "...may we turn the heat up..."
I know my Daddy would hate me sitting shivering just because I would not "ask" if we could turn up the heat.
I mean I think of all the things that my Daddy would have missed if I did not ask a question. We would have missed out on some good times by me not asking to go to dinner, movies, concerts/events and such. He would have missed out on knowing my favorite foods at certain places, he would have missed that I always ask for a chocolate shake at a certain time of month, he would have missed out that I wanted to see Matrix or other movies, he would have missed out that Garbage is one of my favorite bands. Just as a slave needs to find out her Master's likes and dislikes, I feel it is benefits the Dominant too.
“Permission: I believe that a slave must ask permission for everything unless instructed otherwise by her MASTER as he is ultimately responsible for her.”
Well, I have problems with this one because it is a lot of effort and responsibility with a slave to ask permission for everything. Does a Master really want to spend all day answering questions. I also don't like the thought of having to ask permission for everything because I think that can be used as a crutch -- it can be a false form of control. I am sure this will offend some but how often does a dominant really think about the answer? So is it really control if the answer is always yes?
Ultimately the slave is responsible for obeying. And he is responsible of whatever he wants. If he wants to be responsible for him -- more power to him but again -- seems like a lots of focus on the slave who is suppose to be serving. This way it seems like the Master is serving her. He controls her but she is the one obeying each time. She is the one that works through the serving if it gets hard. She is the one who is responsible for her thoughts and emotions and how those are handled. So really he isn't responsible for her.
And again to take it literally this counters what he said before about asking questions. To ask a question is a demand. So she is suppose to ask permission (which would be in a form or a question) but yet she is not suppose to ask questions because that is making a demand on her Master. Hmmmmm
“From the slaves perspective the more pleasure she gives the more rewards she receives. The more pleasure the MASTER receives the more rewards he gives. The reward often times is “LOVE”.
Reward...love? Hmm what if a submissive/slave does not love her Dominant. I think a person can be owned without loving their Dominant. So how would love be a reward in that situation. Reward….hmmm I have always had a problem with that term as it was used for that meaning. Why would I need a reward if I was just doing what is expected of me as a slave? Do I reward the Dominant for dominating me or controlling me? Do I reward him for having his needs fulfilled through me giving submission? It is kind of like the gift theory. Submission is not a gift to me.
I do not agree with things on the site I read but we all have our own way of doing things. Just some ways seems a little set another planet -- not earth because the feet aren't firmly planted in reality. Or maybe the Master and the slave are Superman and superslave lol....to be able to follow all that in real life. Real life D/s is hard. It takes so much effort on both the Dominant and slaves part. The responsibility and focus is continuous and sometimes life just happen to make that things blurred a little. When serving I always know who I am and where I belong, but maintaining the deepness to it is a lot of work.
peace & serenity,
danae
No comments:
Post a Comment