Words...Part 5

I have been doing this meme with some friends where they give me 5 words that come to mind to describe me and then I write about the words.

So here are some of the words I have been given and my thoughts on them....

Slavery - The meaning of slavery for me hasn't changed really over the years but the understanding of it has a lot. For me being a slave means to be owned and under the authority of another. What all that entailed I don't think I got until being with Master. I mean my previous long term M/s relationship really introduced me to service. But it really didn't give me an understanding of being owned at least not in this sense it has with Master. Master has this presence in my life that makes me feel as though this life is inescapable. Not that I want to escape but it is just the feeling of having no other choice but to serve and obey...to be his property. I didn't quite feel that before - in the other relationship...it was a conscious choice to obey, serve and stay.

Basement-Dweller - The lovely lady that gave me these words and her handsome husband gave me shelter in more ways then just being their basement-dweller. I am ever grateful for their compassion and generosity to open their home to me. Although I was going through a horrible time - depression eating me away big time - I still have many fond memories of living with them.

Depression - I really can look back and see it ever present in my life. Even 4 years old I remember having it. Although I had many happy times and good memories there was that ever presence underneath that didn't see anything good. It also runs in my family - back several generations it can be traced.

I didn't get help for my depression though until in my mid-20's. I was put on prozac and it was a horrible experience. I mean yes it helped me come up out of the darkness but it turned all my emotions off. I remember my Mom calling me to tell me one of her Aunt's died and I was just like "okay." I didn't get upset or feel anything. It also messed with my sexuality too - making me not ever be interested in sex and when we had sex - it was hard for me to orgasm. I went off them about 4 years later and feel I have had long term side-affects because of the prozac. Memory loss from it being the biggest thing.

Several years ago - I was having a really bad run of the depression. I started taking wellbutrin. Master saw an improvement in almost a weeks time. And I haven't had the horrible side-affects. I feel my emotions but they don't drag me all over the place or hang on and on and on. And it didn't turn my sexuality off - thank goodness!

When I went back to visit family, I was very annoyed by their judgment of anti-depressants. My Dad encouraged my Mom to stop taking her anti-depressant. He doesn't want her "addicted" to them. I tried to give my Mom another example for it - she is diabetic and I said do you think he would tell you to go off your diabetic meds so you don't get addicted to them? She said she understood but I could see she really was thinking it wasn't the same thing. They don't view depression as the same as having another disease. Depression is all my head - not real and not really physical illness. They think if I really tried I could "get better." Luckily - as an adult now I don't give a damn what they think. And I can say that. I can say that I will be on meds as long as I need them. They help me and it is a better quality of life with them then without.

Happiness - I think for a long time I felt like I didn't deserve to be happy. That there was something bad or wrong with me so I didn't get to be happy. I also think I thought happiness was something different then I view it now. I think I thought happiness was a state of feeling good and everything being smiley. But obviously that isn't a state of being that can be maintained all day everyday - so not realistic. Basically I now view happiness as a state of contentment with myself and my path. And that I have that thankfully.

Integrity - I think a lot of people throw this word around as part of their "code" but don't really do what it means. I don't use this word when I describe things I live by. And it isn't because I don't think I have integrity. I just think it is a word that is used and not lived so it doesn't have as much meaning to me anymore.

Words...Part 4

Some more words....

Artistic - As a little girl, I would draw, cut, paste, paint...just create in anyway allowed. And it is one thing that I have always felt I would have in my life no matter what. Because it was just hard to ignore it. But I did push it aside for people in my life. And I regret that I allowed that to happen. I am thankful for Master nudging me back into it. And grateful for his encouragement and support of artistic side.

Girly - (Another) As a little girl, I loved to dress in skirts. I wore pants but preferred skirts or dresses. And if I did wear pants - I still looked girly in pinks and purple, ribbons in my hair...just several little things giving that girly touch. And so through the years that really didn't change. Now I often though I do girly in different ways - to feel sexy and feminine. Red satin and lace often make me feel very girly and sexy.

I can get dirty or messy but I don't like most of the time. I have to be in the right mood or frame of mind. Like going out to do yard work I know I will get dirty. Taking a day trip where we might stop and walk around in the wilderness - I know I might be clomping around on a dirt trail. But if I am out and about doing errands and step in a puddle or drip something on my blouse - I can't stand it. I am one of those girls that doesn't leave the house without make up. If I am going into a store or out around people, then I need a least a little make up on - some mascara and lip gloss at the minimum.

Enthusiastic - I am not sure I would characterize myself as enthusiastic. I tend to throw myself into new projects so maybe get a little excited about them. Or maybe I do get enthusiastic of course about things that I am passionate about. And a couple of things are my friends, the lifestyle and my art. I am sure there are other things but those are the first things that came to mind.

Strength - Sometimes I see my strength and other times I don't see it at all. I am sure it is like that for most people. I know I have gotten through some tough time and know my strength helped me get through those times. But I also think I have a strength in my slavery. I have a strength that I didn't have before Master. I strength of awareness in who I am.

Individuality - Again not sure it is a word I would use to describe myself. I know that by leading the life I do - it isn't something a lot of people would do/enjoy and I also know that how I do it isn't something a lot would enjoy. But it works for me. But the main reason I wouldn't use this word for myself is because I am so intertwined with Master. It often feels like I am not an individual.

Words...Part 3

Some more words....there will be a few more posts of these too...I like them as they give me something to write about when my brain isn't working because of a long migraine cycle....

domestic - I think that if you would have asked me I would enjoy being domestic 20 years ago I would have said no way. Then 10 years ago I would have said umm maybe with the thought that I might have been crazy. When I became Master's 6 years ago, we discussed right away me being a stay-at-home slave and serving him domestically. And it did make me nervous. When I was in the poly household in Cleveland - I started out very good in domestic service. But then taking care of 6 people ended up stressing me and burning me out. Especially people who would spill kool-aid on the floor and not think about cleaning it up but leaving it for me hours or days later when I found it. So I gave up. And so that made me nervous when going to try it for Master but from the start - seeing how it helped him and pleased him made me feel good. Now at times it is just cleaning the toilet. I still know it helps that I do those things but I don't get that overjoyed feeling I had at the beginning very often. Now it is just cleaning the toilet. :) Not that is a bad thing. I think that those everyday things do add something to my life not matter the feeling in the moment. Right now despite all the talk I do on domestic things - it still is a struggle for me to balance with Master working at home. But I keep trying. And I guess that matters. Also right now with I think of the word domestic...I think of my Domestic Servitude blog. I am really enjoying the contributions of my co-bloggers. And I am enjoying shaping it - hopefully into something useful.

thoughtful - Well I take this as two things....thoughtful as in caring towards people and thoughtful as giving things great thought such as when I think about my M/s beliefs, spiritual beliefs and most everything in my life I try to give great thought to. The first thoughtful...I know that because I hold many people at arms length - I am sure don't come across as a thoughtful person at time. But I try hard to be thoughtful other people and what is going on with them. I am empathetic as well as sympathetic. And try to be there giving support and understanding to those that need.

hoods - Before I became Master's the thought of being in a hood didn't appeal to me. It scared me frankly. I didn't think I would like them.....but...Master of course changed that. He really worked me slowly into them to make them something I now crave and want to go further in. I am really happy he made it such a positive experience for me because now I can't imagine not playing with hoods. He likes them for different reasons then I do. He likes them because they are more objectifying. I like them because everything goes quiet. I slip into a floaty state almost instantly with them. Pictures of me in various hoods here.

pigtails - I associate pigtails with my little girl side. They make me feel like playing with dolls, coloring, watching Disney movies and snuggling with Daddy. Since getting my hair cut the last time I haven't been able to get it into a pony tail or pigtails. But just recently I now can get in a little pony tail and pigtails are no problem! yay!

redhead - My hair is naturally brown. I started dying my hair back when I lived with Caveman and Angel. I mostly did kind of a dark burgundy purplish color. But I had always wanted to be a redhead. Even as a little girl - redheaded girls always turned my head for more reasons then just wanting their hair color :) Morgan was a redhead...stunning redhead where people stopped and starred at her. Anyway, I always wanted to be a redhead so when I moved to be with Master and he told me he liked redheads so when I went to dye my hair the next time I asked him if he wanted me to do red and he said yes. So pretty much from then I have been a redhead - with occasional odd color thrown in such as magenta.

Words....Part 2

Princess - Princess is very much part of my little girl side. I like the things that associated with being a princess - shiny, tiaras, pretty pink, twirly skirts and glitter. And I just like Princesses...especially Belle from Beauty in the Beast. And Master indulges my princess side quite a lot. And I am very thankful he allows me to his princess. "I am a princess. All girls are. Even if they live in tiny old attics. Even if they dress in rags, even if they aren't pretty, or smart, or young. They're still princesses. All of us." ~ The Little Princess

Laughter - "The most wasted of all days is one without laughter." ~e.e. cummings
This is going to be kind of random...
* Master makes me laugh daily. He is very funny so makes me laugh quite a bit. And I am thankful for that laughter in our relationship.

* The other night I was reading book 9 of the Stephanie Plum series and I started to laugh so hard that I woke up Master. But I couldn't stop laughing the scene I was reading was so funny that I was shaking the bed. Master threatened to take the book away from me. For those curious of the scene it is Lula on her all meat diet and she is being chased by the dogs.

* I smiled with this word because I associate laughter with the person that gave me these words. Because when her and I talk we laugh often. And I am very thankful for her friendship and that she makes me laugh!

Hearth - "The ordinary arts we practice every day at home are of more importance to the soul than their simplicity might suggest." ~ Thomas Moore

Hearth the symbol for home life. But for me also now a symbol of domestic service. When I was a little girl, I dreamed of being a big city girl living her dream of being an artist. Not married. Hearth and home weren't parts of my growing up dream. When I got married, then that nesting instinct kicked in for me. But it is Master who has really allowed me to explore my love of all things Hearth and Home. When I became Master's, he really liked the idea of having me at home. I was worried it wouldn't be satisfying. But really it was from the start. I could see how much Master enjoyed it and so for me it became even more of a draw. Being of domestic service to me is not just about keeping the house clean, it is also about creating a haven for for Master. It is my hope that his home is a place to retreat and rest from the pressures of the hectic outside world.

Mouse - "Fear grows in darkness; if you think there's a bogeyman around, turn on the light." ~ Dorothy Thompson

Mouse equals fear for me. I don't like to see mice in movies, commercials, photos....I don't like rubber mice...or cat toys that look like mice....the thought of mice....writing about them as I am....will make me jumpy the rest of the day and possible nightmares. That is how scared of mice I am.

When I was just a little girl of 2 or 3, we lived in a house that had mice, mice mice every where. Yes I know it is odd that I remember something from that little - I think because it was so scary to me that it stuck. It was rental house as my dad was transferred quite a bit those first years of working with the company he works with even to this day. The house had a dirt cellar. One that could be accessed from the inside of the house but also from outside cellar doors. Our house backed fields...thus we had lots of field mice in our house. When we would play on the floor, the mice would be running around the edges of the living room. When my Mom would open cupboards, they would sitting there. When I slept, they at times ran over me. When I opened my drawers, they jumped out at me.

So I am very scared of them...even after all these years. Logic doesn't seem to play into it - I am bigger them....yeah that is true but even as typing this and thinking of them I shivered. It doesn't matter that I am bigger then them. It doesn't matter that they are probably "more" scared of me then I am of them (I doubt that they are though). I know they are teeny tiny. I don't like them. I am scared of them. It is irrational that I still have this fear after all these years.

Here is my account of when we had mice and then Master's which is funnier. And reading both and retelling the story I can laugh about it but believe me - last night when we came home and Caesar was acting weird - I came running to Master to protect me. (No mouse not sure why he was acting weird.)

Muse - “The muse ushers the artist into the empty room and points silently at the tightrope.” - Jean Cocteau

My muse for my art sometimes feels like that....especially after not creating in a while and getting back into it. It is like I am going to have to walk a tightrope. It feels scary and almost too scary to try again. I walk to it and look down seeing all the things that can go wrong or are wrong. I see all the fears - hearing that voice inside that says..."why even bother it isn't good anyway"...."how can you call yourself an artist - you are lying to everyone and especially yourself." I wish I could accept my muse as is and not allow the voices to over shadow it.

I don't feel that the muse only comes to me with art. But also I feel it in other areas of my life. Mostly in domestic service...or just service in general. I don't always act on it though and that bothers me. But again it goes to that tightrope thing. I get scared I am going to fail. Or that how can I call myself a service slave and so on.

Words....Part 1

I have been doing this meme with some friends where they give me 5 words that come to mind to describe me and then I write about the words.

So here are some of the words I have been given and my thoughts on them....

Beautiful - I know why she picked this word. But not sure I agree with her. :) I have many beautiful things in my life...living in such a beautiful place...Colorado is just breath taking, roses sitting here on my desk from Master that he got me just because, art, the rain, friends and family and love. Many more beautiful things in my life.

Captive - Master always says I am his willing captive. My first months with Master, I felt like a captive (willing) because my clothes were locked up, my id and so many things that say freedom were taken away. And many of those things are still in place. Yes nothing tangible is stopping me from walking out the door. But there are things inside that make it feel like I can't and that is all that matters to me.

Polyamorus - Poly is one of those things that has just always felt natural to me. As a little girl I drew floor plans for houses that had more then one bedroom for the "wives." I don't know where I got idea that a person could have more than one wife as I was never exposed to anything like it. I would dream up stories to go along with the floor plans - dream of stories of the people that lived there. And it was always good feelings of cooking together with other co-wives and laughing. Just lots of love and laughter in the house. So when I was exposed to poly within the BDSM community - I really didn't blink or think twice about it being right for me. Because I knew it was right for me. It has always been very easy for me to give love - unconditional love. I know what we seek is really hard to find. We live in a smaller town so finding that "special" someone that feels right and good in our life is really like finding a needle in a haystack. But it doesn't make me want to give up.

Vulnerable - Definition of vulnerable is susceptible to criticism, susceptible to physical or emotional injury. And I know my lifestyle does leave me susceptible to criticism. For the most part I ignore it. Every once in a while it bugs me though. And yes hurts my feelings. But since reading over my archives the last week - I can say without a doubt I am not as vulnerable as I once was. I just feel I don't expose myself as I once did because frankly I am not as screwed up as I once was....back then it was easier to hurt me since there were so many open wounds to poke.

Generous - I have a big heart that cares very easily about people, causes...life. So I tend to give a lot. Since being Master's though I know I hold more people at arms length and don't give as much of myself or my time. I give what I can and hope that everyone understands - it is the best I can do.


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These words were from Master...

DVDs - Master and I are both pretty obsessive about movies. We have over 500 DVD titles. When I work (coding websites, creating graphics or doing art), I need noise so even just listening to a movie is a good thing. It helps me move faster for some reason. Something I do though that Master doesn't do is - I get stuck on a movie or tv series. Such as recently Master bought me Sex and the City and I have been watching it OVER and OVER and OVER.

hip/chic/contemporary - Obviously he cheated giving me multiple words as one pick but he is Master so....I won't point that out to him. :) But I did have to ask Master what he meant by these words. Because I don't associate myself with them at all. He does though. So I get why he gave them to me - many things I like and enjoy fit those words. But I am such a weird person because I seem to like so many different styles - be it fashion, decorating and even when cooking. Because I like so many different styles - I think is why I don't feel the words fit me.

Just a few different kitchen designs I like...







I took a quiz about my decorating style and it said: Lean back and relax in a space that welcomes the modern but trades stainless steel for the natural. Your tastes include the Frank Lloyd Wright-inspired. Your sensitivity to materials and a natural setting meets with a contemporary bent in home styles like Mission, Prairie and Arts & Crafts. When making your cabinet selection, consider birch as a clean and modern wood species. Choose details like geometric forms, art glass, contrasting textures and lines, and forged and wrought iron pulls.

And really that does fit my most often picked decorating style.

I think I love many things that are hip, chic and/or contemporary but often I feel they don't fit into my life. I may look at a very chic dress but know living in the town we do there is no reason to have that dress. So my practical side wins out over my hip, chic or contemporary side.

February - February has many meanings for me. February is the month I first met Master, stayed with him a month and it also is the month he claimed me as his. It a month that has created so many good memories. My favorite of course I have written about many many times...when Master claimed me as his....

Master just pulled that chain out of his pocket and put it around my neck. He locked it in place. No words...he didn't ask me. He didn't tell me. He just claimed me. It was intense and wonderful. I still remember it so clearly and still feel all the feelings I did then.

*photo is from that month I stayed with Master and is the chain he placed around my neck to claim me. So the photo is over 6 years old.

dark thoughts - I really go up and down with my dark thoughts/dark desires. Sometimes I think about them all the time and other times I don't. I often have thoughts about blood but I am such a wimp with blood. I see pictures Bootpig's pictures on FetLife and drool and squirm but I know that even the smell of blood makes me light headed. Although I am isolated - I often think of it on other levels in my fantasies. Not let out of the house for longer times. I enjoy the thoughts of long term confinement in the closet or cage. There are other things but harder for me to explain here in words. But for the most part they often contain humiliation.

Blogging - I have been blogging for 9 years in October. I sometime don't share much and other times I share things I don't say out-loud but do in words on my blog. It just is what ever comes out. I also after this long of blogging don't share things I am surprised I don't. I don't share our SM/sex life as much as I thought I would. I don't share some of my really happy moments in slavery but mostly it is because it is the moment and by the time I sit down - I just can't capture it in words. But over all it does show my thoughts on a very wide range of topics and it is my place to hash those out.

7 Facts Meme

Rules:
1. Link to your original tagger and list these rules in your post
2. Share 7 facts about yourself in the post
3. Tag 7 people at the end of your post, leave their names & links to their blogs
4. Let them know they’ve been tagged

1. I read every night before I go to sleep. The other night I was laughing so hard I woke Master up - which he is hard of hearing so that usually doesn't happen. I was laughing so hard that I shook the bed and he told me he would take the book away if I didn't stop laughing. I was reading book 9 of the Stephanie Plum series. It was the part where Lula on her all meat diet was being chased by dogs.

2. If I am wanting a cold drink - I want it over ice...water, diet coke, crystal light or juice. It is a rare occasion that I drink a pop or a drink right out of the bottle/can.

3. I have a food-prep day about once a month. Today was that day for me. I made breakfast burritos, browned and seasoned 2 lbs ground burger (divided into packages also), made 2 packages of burgers (one bourbon peppercorn and mesquite), put marinade in ziplocks with pieces of chicken, cut up and froze veggies, made croutons and browned some Italian sausage (divided into packages to use on pizza, in pasta and to add to baked beans).

4. I worked at a pizza place during high school. I had many firsts because of working there. First real boyfriend, first time for consensual sex (and it was kinky of course), first time having sex in a bathroom stall, first time having sex at my work place, first time having sex outside (the guy that I had sex with worked with me), first time having sex with more then one guy at the same time, first time for having sex with 2 different people in one night....I am sure there are more I am just not remembering. Lots of sexual firsts because of that job.

5. I love jelly beans. But I take the black jelly beans out and eat them on their own. I don't like the liquorice taste of the black ones mixed with the fruity flavors.

6. I didn't really like spankings until Master. He is a drummer and it just made the spankings better for me. To the point of that I can at times orgasm from his spankings.

7. I am a huge Joss Whedon fan but oddly enough I am not that into Dollhouse. The last 2 episodes have made me more interested in it then the previous ones.

Here is another 7 Random Facts I did last year - wanted to do different ones so made sure to look at it first.

And as always I don't tag (don't mind being tagged though always love a meme!) So feel free to play along!

Tagged - Random Facts

I was tagged by Kitten.

The Rules: (and as usual I am not tagging so striking those rules out - play if you want!)
* Link to your tagger and list these rules on your blog.
* Share 7 facts about yourself on your blog - some random, some weird.
* Tag 7 people at the end of your post by leaving their names as well as links to their blog
* Let them know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

1. I love little notepads, memo pads, sticky notes and scratch paper. Right now I have about 7 different ones sitting on my desk.

2. I like candy corn and got a cute candy corn candy dish for my birthday.

3. Fall is my favorite season with spring second, winter third and summer last. I prefer to be cold then hot.

4. I got a new skirt for my birthday. A black and brown tweed skirt that Master really didn't like when he saw it just hanging on the hanger. I put it on the other night with a pink blouse and he really liked it. He said I can be his secretary ANYTIME.

5. When I put red panties on, no matter really the look of them, I feel sexy. Red just makes me feel sexy.

6. Although I can't have kids, if I could I would still remain childfree. I just don't feel I would make a good Mom and I feel I am much to selfish to have kids.

7. Todays kinky thoughts have been about wax play thanks to kaya for a picture she posted on FetLife.

BDSM book meme

Same rules apply...

1) Look at the list and bold those you have read.
2) Italicize those you intend to read.
3) Underline the books you LOVE.
4) Reprint this list in your own LJ/blog if you like

1. Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns: The Romance and Sexual Sorcery of Sadomasochism by Philip Miller
2. The Ethical Slut: Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities by Dossie Easton
3. Story of O, The by Pauline Reage
4. SM 101: A Realistic Introduction by Jay Wiseman
5. The Mistress Manual: A Good Girl's Guide to Female Dominance (Erotic) by Lorelei
6. Two Knotty Boys Showing You the Ropes: A Step-By-Step, Illustrated Guide for Tying Sensual and Decorative Rope Bondage: A Step-by-step, Illustrated Guide to Tying Sensual and Decorative Rope Bondage by Two Knotty Boys
7. Story of O by Pauline Reage - This is a dupe!!
8. Burlesque and the Art of the Teese / Fetish and the Art of the Teese by Dita Von Teese
9. Shibari You Can Use: Japanese Rope Bondage and Erotic Macrame by Lee "Bridgett" Harrington
10. Marketplace, the: Book One (Marketplace (Mystic Rose)) by Laura Antoniou
11. Different Loving: A Complete Exploration of the World of Sexual Dominance and Submission by Gloria G Brame
12. The New Bottoming Book by Dossie Easton
13. The Art of Sensual Female Dominance by Claudia Varrin
14. Erotic Bondage Handbook by Jay Wiseman
15. The Sexually Dominant Woman: A Workbook for Nervous Beginners by Lady Green
16. The Master's Manual: Handbook of Erotic Dominance by Jack Rinella
17. The Reunion (Marketplace) by Laura Antoniou
18. Alazar's Book of Bondage: v. 1by Alazar
19. Bondage for Sex: v. 1 by Chanta Rose
20. Trainer, the: Marketplace Book Three (Marketplace (Mystic Rose)) by Laura Antoniou
21. "Justine", "Philosophy in the Bedroom" and Other Writings by Marquis de Sade
22. Academy, the: Tales of the Marketplace (Marketplace (Mystic Rose)) by Laura Antoniou
23. Alazar's Book of Bondage: v. 2 by Alazar
24. The Seductive Art of Japanese Bondage by Midori
25. The Pleasures All Mine: A Sexual Memoir of a Submissive by Joan Kelly
26. Woof!: Perspectives Into the Erotic Care and Training of the Human Dog by Michael Daniels
27. Come Hither: A Commonsense Guide to Kinky Sex by Gloria Brame
28. Sex Tips from a Dominatrix by Pamela Pierce
29. Flogging by Joseph Bean
30. Diary of an S&M Romance by Dollie Llama
31. Female Domination by Elise Sutton
32. The FemDom Experience by Elise Sutton
33. Female Submission: The Journals of Madelaine by Claudia Varrin
34. The Toybag Guide to Erotic Knifeplay (Toybag Guide) by Miranda Austin
35. How to Be a Dominant Diva by Georgia Payne
36. Fetish Sex: An Erotic Guide for Couples by Violet Blue
37. Mr. Benson by John Preston
38. Playing With Pain: Stories from My Life in Leather (Boner Books) by Hardy Haberman
39. Family Jewels: A Guide to Male Genital Play and Torment by Hardy Haberman
40. The New Topping Book by Dossie Easton
41. MORE FAMILY JEWELS (Boner Books) by Hardy Haberman
42. Partners in Power: Living in Kinky Relationships by Jack Rinella
43. Mummification: Down at the End of Bondage Street with DVD (S/M Tech) by Joseph W. Bean
44. Protocols: Handbook for the Female Slave by Robert J. Rubel
45. Consensual Spanking: An Essential Guide to Adult Spanking Games and Techniques by Jules Markham
46. Painfully Obvious: An Irreverent and Unauthorized Manual for Leather/SM by Robert Davolt
47. The Fetish Fact Book by Paul Scott
48. F**k Fashion by Ben Westwood
49. The Kinky Girl's Guide to Dating by Luna Grey
50. Beauty and Submission by Maria Isabel Pita
51. Histoire d'O / Retour à Roissy by Pauline Réage
52. The Better Built Bondage Book: A Complete Guide to Making Your Own Sex Toys, Furniture and BDSM Equipment by Douglas Kent
53. Rope Bondage: Precision and Persuasion with Rope with DVD (S/M Tech): Precision and Persuasion with Rope (Dem-lab Presents S/M Tech)by Scott Smith
54. Master/Slave Relations: Handbook of Theory and Practice by Robert J. Rubel
55. My Private Life: Real Life Experiences of a Dominant Woman by Mistress Nan
56. The Loving Dominant by John Warren
57. Sensuous Magic: A Guide for Adventurous Couples by Patrick Califia-Rice
58. The Compleat Slave: Creating and Living an Erotic Dominant/Submissive Lifestyle [Complete]: Creating and Living an Erotic Dominant/Submissive Lifestyle by Jack Rinella
59. A Hand in the Bush: the Fine Art of Vaginal Fisting by Deborah Addington
60. Play Piercing by Deborah Addington
61. Flames of Passion: Handbook of Erotic Fire Play by David Walker
62. Erotic Slavehood: A Miss Abernathy Omnibus by Christina Abernathy
63. Look into My Eyes: How to Use Hypnosis to Bring Out the Best in Your Sex Life by Peter Masters
64. The Toybag Guide to Hot Wax & Temperature Play (Toybag Guide) by Spectrum
65. Dances with Werewolves (Memoirs of a Spanking Model) by Niki Flynn
66. The Ultimate Guide to Strap-on Sex: The Complete Resource for Women and Men by Karlyn Lotney
67. Venus in Furs (Penguin Classics) by Leopold Von Sacher-Masoch
68. Slavecraft: Roadmaps for Erotic Servitude by Guy Baldwin
69. The Real Bettie Page: The Truth About the Queen of Pinups by Richard Foster
70. The Toybag Guide to Dungeon Emergencies & Supplies (Toybag Guide) by Jay Wiseman
71. Intimate Invasions: The Erotic Ins & Outs of Enema Play by M.R. Strict
72. Becoming a Slave: The Theory and Practice of Voluntary Servitude by Jack Rinella
73. The Leatherman's Handbook by Larry Townsend
74. The Toybag Guide to Clips & Clamps (Toybag Guide) by Jack Rinella
75. The Toybag Guide to Canes & Caning (Toybag Guide) by Janet W. Hardy
76. Latex and Nudes by James
77. Betty Page Confidential by Bunny Yeager
78. Erotic Bondage: Art of Rope by Edward Lee
79. Radical Ecstasy by Dossie Easton
80. Philosophy in the Boudoir (Penguin Classics) by Marquis De Sade D.A.F.
81. Wild Side Sex: the Book of Kink: Educational, Sensual and Entertaining Essays by Midori
82. When Someone You Love Is Kinky by Dossie Easton
83. Beauty of Fetish, The by Steve Diet Goedde
84. To Love, to Obey, to Serve by V. M Johnson
85. The Toybag Guide to Medical Play (Toybag) by Tempest
86. Slave, the: Marketplace Book Two (Marketplace (Mystic Rose)) by Laura Antoniou
87. Protocol Handbook for the Leather Slave: Theory and Practice by Robert J. Rubel
88. Compleat Spanker (Complete & Spanking) by Lady Green
89. The Art of Spanking by Jacques Enard
90. Fetish 101: Celebrate Your Fantasies by Peter Czemich
91. Ask Larry by Larry Townsend
92. Asia Bondage by Steven Speliotis
93. Return to the Chateau by Pauline Reage
94. Manual Creation: Defining the Structure of an M/S Household by Machele Kindle
95. Consensual Sadomasochism: How to Talk About It and How to Do It Safely by Bill Henkin
96. The Path of Service: Guideposts for Excellence (S/M Tech Educational) by Christina Parker
97. Soaked: A Watersports Handbook for Men (Boner Books)by Joseph W. Bean
98. The Female Dominant: Games She Plays by Claudia Varrin
99. The Control Book by Peter Masters
100. Ties That Bind: The S/M/Leather/Fetish Erotic Style by Guy Baldwin
101. The Catalyst by Laura Antoniou
Adding a new book that I want to read....102. The Forked Tongue by Flagg

1930's Marital Scale + Quick Update

We are out of town right now at a family function. Life has been so crazy lately. I have been working quite a bit (work for Master for his business) so my time has been very limited. I was looking the last couple months my blog entries even over on livejournal has been down. I just am so brain dead by the time I stop for the day that I can't focus on journaling. Anyway, that is what is going on and why I haven't posted much lately. So now on to "fluff" - a quiz.

66 As a 1930s wife, I am Superior Take the test!

Here is the scoring....
0-24 - Very Poor (Failure)
25-41 - Poor
42-58 - Average
59-75 - Superior
76+ - Very Superior

Sex Meme

I am answering these based on what I consider my firsts. And again this meme is taken from padme amidala.

The first time I heard about sex, I thought it was...exciting. I was very young. And the thought just took my breath-away.

My first experience with self stimulation was...again very young. I don't remember the first time but I do remember at my grandparents house rubbing myself against the the foot board of the bed. It had craving to make it have bumps on it so straddling it and rubbing against it felt good. I also knotted this rope and rubbed against the knot.

The furthest I have ever gone in a parked car was...all the way. All sorts of sex and sm in a parked car.

The first method of contraception I ever used was... condoms.

When a man tells me a dirty joke, it usually makes me...blush. But really depends on the joke.

The first time I had an orgasm, I thought I was...naughty but it felt so good.

The grossest person I have ever shared a bed with was...a client. Consensually grossest was a client when I was an escort that just didn't smell very good and liked to suck my feet -- I hate my feet being touched.

The rottenest thing I ever did to escape having sex was...told the truth that I didn't want to have sex with the person. I could see that it hurt his feelings. But I am not a very good liar.

The excuse I most often hear for not making love is... that I really don't hear excuses from Master - anymore (now that he works at home). When he was doing his other job he was too tired at times. In my marriage -- my ex-husband would tell I was a nympho and he didn't think we should be having so much sex because it was wrong. (shaking head and rolling eyes)

My favorite method of flirting is......hmm haven't flirted in a long time. It is a look...with eyes and smile.

The most I have ever "come on" with a girlfriend's man was... - I haven't. Maybe flirted but nothing more and nothing more then my girlfriend has been comfortable with...at least I hope. I can't think of ever coming on to a friend's man. At least not friends that were monogamous.

I believe I am dressed the sexiest when I am wearing... just an man's dress shirt maybe paired with heels. (the key phrases in this were "I believe" -- I feel the sexist dressed this way. But I know Master's clothing fetishes really don't align with that although this morning I got out of the shower and put on a man's dress shirt and he said that I looked very sexy in it.

If I ever surprised my man in the act of self-stimulation, I would probably... ask him what he wants me to do stay and join in or go.

If I were to describe male sexual equipment in one word, it would have to be...delicious!

The thought of making love to two men at the same time really makes me... umm a bit turned on. :)

If I were to estimate how often I fantasize about making love to a strange man, it would be...not often. I fantasize about Master and then very rarely a past lover but really if it is not Master it is most likely one of my clients from when I was an escort.

If my friends all decided to skinny dip, I would probably...join in - it just depended on the friends.

If my mate and I were sharing a hotel room with another couple who started to make love, I would probably... do what Master wanted. Playing with another couple though could be very fun!

If on a first date the subject of birth control came up, I would...talk about it to decide what we would do if in that situation. And if not brought up I would probably bring it up. I am all about safe sex!

While making love to my mate, I sometimes fantasize about... nothing because I am usually just enjoying the moment - the feelings and sensations.

If a stripper gave me the opportunity to remove his/her last piece of clothing I would...take my time and enjoy the moment.

If I were to wear a costume to make love, I would dress as...a naughty schoolgirl

If my lover agreed to wear a costume of my choice before making love, I would choose...a police uniform or military uniform not even dress just everyday.

The wildest sexual aid I have ever used was... nothing that wild...at least to me. I think most of my sex aids have been pretty "normal" things that people try out - cucumbers, candles, handle of paddle or brush, shampoo bottle. I have used ben gay, breath drops, toothpaste and mouth wash too.

The most pleasure I have ever had with a foreign object was...shampoo bottle - just the circumstances surrounding it made it very exciting and pleasurable.

The last sexual request I refused was..., I believe a blow job because I couldn't breath due to allergies (and didn't really refuse just gave Master the facts and he changed things up then).

The last sexual request someone refused me was...probably before Master or when we were first together and he denied orgasms.

The thought of making love during pregnancy makes me... glad I am not pregnant.

The thought of making love during "that time of the month" leaves me... with mixed feelings. I am incredibly turned on but at times the thought of sex when I am bleeding heavy just doesn't sound like fun.

My favorite fantasy involving a hot tub is... that I really don't have fantasies involving hot tubs. Just regular bathtubs well...of course I do.

My favorite fantasy involving a romantic location is...being up in the mountains in a cabin/condo with a fire going in the fireplace. Sipping wine and just having a nice romantic evening with Master.

My favorite fantasy involving a famous man is... or has been about Joseph Gorden Levitt because of that GQ layout. And any of the poses he did with Claudia I would be happy to do.

My favorite fantasy involving a man I know (who isn't my mate) is...replaying some experiences with clients when I was an escort.

My favorite fantasy involving a woman I know is...replaying experiences with a past lover or two.

The last time a man tried to pick me up was...hmmm I don't know....does online count? I had a weird mix up with my business cards and the man was obviously trying to pick me up.

My favorite fantasy involving sex in a public place is...again replying experiences I have had in public places.

The most public place I ever made love was...in the car at a drive in movie theater. I mean the most people around. But I have had sex bent over the hood of the car a few times too but that has been at times when it would highly unlikely to run into people.

When I finally lost my virginity, I was....16 (consensually lost my virginity). I was tied up and spanked too!

I think the maximum number of men I am physically capable of making love to in a single day is... quite a few. When I was younger it was even more. But I think probably 4. When I was an escort, I had sex with 3 clients in one day (I actually didn't like more then 1 but did do 2 at times). And then came home and had sex with a lover too. I have also had sexual intercourse with one man about 10 times in a 24 hour period. When I was young, I participated in what is called a train....one guy after another. And there were probably about 8 to 10 guys. But that wasn't completely a great experience (longer story then I have brain power for right now.)

I really like having a tongue stuck in my...in my mouth.

I really hate having a tongue stuck in (between) my...toes but I also am not a fan of tongue in my ear.

Sex Preferences

Meme taken from padme amidala

1. Sex in the Morning or Sex at Night? I prefer sex in the afternoon. But between sex in the morning or night.....I like night better.

2. Better Sex Music - Sade or Marvin Gaye? Both...I like both - I admit it. Though we usually have SM play before sex so most of the time it is something that is harder or with a beat that is good for spanking.

3. Naughty Pics or Naughty Home Videos? Naughty pics

4. Fabulous Sex With: Dr. Doug Ross or Dr. Greg House? I don't know who Dr. Doug Ross is....is that George Clooney on ER? Well anyway I know it wouldn't be Dr. House - I don't watch house but did once and I didn't like him.

5. Vibrator or Dildo? Vibrator....I heart my Hitatchi

6. Bedroom Sex: Lights Off or Lights On? I much prefer lights off and candles going but afternoon sex is my preference so no lights just natural light from windows. But if I am having sex at night...I would prefer some light. Not too bright but I like to see what we are doing.

7. Word Preference: Pussy or Cunt? Pussy....although I don't have a problem with either word. I just like pussy better then cunt.

8. Spanking Over the Knee or Spanking Only During Sex? How about spanking anytime - anyway! :) I never liked spankings until Master. Oh the love of a drummer.

9. More Exciting: Sex in an Elevator or Sex in an Aeroplane? I stole this meme from padme and I am with her sex in elevator - as the size of the bathroom on an airplane umm no...I can't picture sex in the teeny tiny bathrooms. I have never had sex in an elevator though - spankings, heavy making out, slapped, punched but not sex. Just lots of yummy foreplay.

10. Ron Jeremy or Peter North? Peter North. Although neither do really anything for me.


11. Word Preference: Cock or dick? Cock

12. Linda Lovelace or Jenna Jameson? Jenna Jameson - I think my ex-husband had some pornos with her in them. He seemed to like her.

13. Rope Bondage or Bondage Tape? Rope bondage but I do enjoy the bondage tape too. But rope bondage is something that I REALLY REALLY enjoy!

14. Give Rim Job or Receive Anal Sex? Anal sex....although I have enjoyed giving and receiving rim jobs.

15. Get Rich Stripping in a Skanky Bar or Get Rich as a Call Girl for Celebs? Call girl....already done that and enjoyed it.

16. Which Threesome - Boy/Girl/Girl or Boy/Boy/Girl? I have been with multiple men at once but that was years and years and years ago. And it is something I would like to re-experience but I don't think that will happen. I think boy/girl/girl is easier for me as well as fun too!

17. Flavored Oil or Tingling Oil? Tingling oil - - although anything sticky like either of the choices aren't as fun as they usually sound.

18. Pearl Necklace or Swallow? I enjoy both but I would have to say pearl necklace has become really something I enjoy. Not really pearl necklace in the "official" meaning of it. But I just like wearing Master's cum. Feeling it on me.

19. Sex While Strangers Watch or Sex With a Stranger? I have done sex with strangers in the past and enjoyed. I have had sex while strangers watched too. But I have to say sex with a stranger is easier for me then having a stranger watch. But what sounds even more fun is watching Master with someone....stranger or a "friend."

20. Tied to the Bed or to a St Andrew’s Cross? Both please but I think I like being tied to the bed more. Because I know where that is going to end up. :)

Yes or No Meme

I have had a bad migraine cycle so not posted the answers to the last 2 questions.

So posting a meme....
Only two rules: You must answer yes or no. You may not explain unless someone asks.

Taken a picture naked? Yes
Made money illegally? Yes
Had a one night stand? Yes
Been in a fist fight? Yes
Slept with your best friend? No
Had sex in a public place? Yes
Ditched work to have sex? Yes
Slept with a member of the same sex? Yes
Seen someone die? No
Ran from the police? No
Woke up somewhere and not remember how you got there? No
Worn your partners unmentionables? No
Fallen asleep at work? Yes
Used toys in the bedroom? Yes
Ran a red light? Yes
Been fired? No
Been in a car accident? Yes
Pole danced or done a striptease? Yes
Loved someone you shouldn't? Yes
Sang karaoke? No
Done something you told yourself you wouldn't? Yes
Laughed so hard you peed your pants? No
Caught someone having sex? Yes
Kissed a perfect stranger? Yes
Shaved your partner? Yes
Given your private parts a nickname? No
Ever gone in public without underwear? Yes
Had sex on a roof top? No
Played chicken? No
Mooned/flashed someone? No
Do you sleep naked? Yes
Blacked out from drinking? No
Felt like killing someone? No
Had sex more than 5 times in one day? Yes
Been with someone because they were in a band? No
Taken 10 shots of liquor in a day? No
Shot a gun? No
Gone outside naked? Yes

House Meme

When you walk in your front door, which room do you enter? We have a little entryway but it mostly opens into the living room

Do you have a dishwasher? yes thank goodness!

Is your living room carpeted or does it have hardwood floors? carpet but the next house will probably be tile as we want a southwestern adobe type of house

Do you keep your kitchen knives on the counter or in a drawer? in a drawer...a couple of drawers actually

Do you rent or own? own -- well Master own's :)

How many bedrooms is it? it has 3 bedrooms but 2 of them are not used as bedrooms - one is Master's office and another is my studio area.

Gas stove or electric? gas and I know I am in the minority when I say I miss electric

Do you have a yard? yes but we live in desert climate so we are landscaped with rocks so it doesn't look like a yard that I grew up with. The yard is an area I would like to improve as I think it would look better with some bushes and trees. Right now it is pretty much just rocks. I would love to have flower garden but my allergies just can't keep up with a garden and it is not fair to get it and then Master have to do the work on it. So no flowers :(

What size TV is in the living room? hmm not sure it is fairly large to me but I know Master would like a flat screen -- and those are quite a bit bigger and wouldn't really fit in our entertainment unit.

Are your plates in the same cupboard as your cups? Same cupboard, different shelf. Glasses are in a different cupboard though.

Is there a coffee maker sitting on your kitchen counter? yes right next to a toaster. Other appliances on counter is the kitchen aid mixer and a microwave. A lot of time our indoor grill or crockpot is on the counter too as I those so much - grill in summer - crockpot in winter.

What room is your computer in? The computer I use is in the studio. We have 3 active computers going all the time then a few external hard drives and 2 lap tops.

Are there pictures hanging in your living room? yes a big print, then 2 pieces of art (one by me) and then several of Master's gorgeous photos too. Plus we have family photos on the entertainment unit.

Are there any themes found in your home? kind of a mix -- of modern, old world and southwestern -- yep a little eclectic. No set design or theme really. Just warm and cozy I think.

What kind of laundry detergent do you use? Purex allergy free -- it is the only one I have found that really doesn't break me out.

Do you use dryer sheets? sometimes with blankets...so that they don't cause static cling with the kitty cats.

Do you have any curtains in your home? yes but also blinds. All the rooms have blinds and curtains. Except the bathroom. They have frosted glass and then lace curtains.

What color is your fridge? white, but quite a few magnets adorn it. As Master pointed out that we never use the magnets really. I said no they are just there to be pretty or amuse me! :)

Is your house clean? at the moment I would not say it is clean. But it isn't really dirty either. It is okay.

What room is the most neglected? neglected in terms of cleaning my studio probably....as it never looks clean. It just has so much stuff in it - hard to get it to a totally clean and totally organized place.

Are the dishes in your sink/dishwasher clean or dirty? dirty -- I need to go load dishwasher in a moment and get Master's lunch while I am in the kitchen.

How long have you lived in your home? Master has lived here...well...it will be 11 years this year. I have lived here officially 5 years in May.

Where did you live before? umm I lived in Cleveland.

Do you have one of those fluffy toilet lid covers on your toilet? no

Do you have a scale anywhere in your house? yes one in each bathroom.

How many mirrors are in your house? one in each bathroom and really I think that is it...hmm I never realized that we don't have mirrors. My Mom has mirrors all over her house....I wonder why I never use mirrors to decorate.

Look up. What do you see? 2 prints on the wall -- One by Da Vinci another by Rossetti, a little shelf with a candle and a picture of my dog under one print and a little shelf with a teddy bear and a princess tin under the other, and then an altered altiod tin that has clay sculpted on it, a Buddha mask and a print about enlightenment under it.

Do you have a garage? no something again we hope to have in the next house.

New Years Meme

1. What did you do in 2007 that you’d never done before?
I keep having things come to mind because they were scary big things but then I realize that I did them before....it has just been a while. Selling art and taught a class are those things that are coming to mind. But as for doing something I had never done....I suppose shooting film for Master.

2. Did you keep your New Year’s Resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I never make New Years resolutions.....though I did make a goal of reading more this year and I did do that. But over all I just try to become a better person, try hard, treat people with kindness and respect.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
YES! just a few days ago!

4. Did anyone close to you die?
my dog -- we also had several friends that lost loved ones

5. What countries did you visit?
We didn't go outside the US but we did road trips to Minnesota and Louisiana

6. What would you like to have in 2008 that you lacked in 2007?
Well I didn't lack but I would love to what we have built on this year to just keep growing...in regards to business and our personal relationship...as it was a really good year for both.

7. What dates from 2007 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
Family celebration in July.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Selling art. I am also going to say my depression really stabilized.

9. What was your biggest failure?
Not keeping up with my art as much as I would have liked

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Migraines as usual.

11. What was the best thing someone bought you?
Beauty and the Beast DVD --- was awesome! Master bought that for me! Master buys me a lot great things though but Beauty and the Beast was a great surprise!

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Master for just really getting his business

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Too many politicians but Bush of course is topping my list.

14. Where did most of your money go?
I don't have money but when I spent money it was at Michael's Arts and Crafts or Amazon for books.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Christmas!

16. What song will always remind you of 2007?
I don't think I really listened to any new music this year. Oh I did listen to Carbon Leaf and Death Cab for Cutie....and enjoyed both!

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? happier
b) thinner or fatter? thinner
c) richer or poorer? We were just discussing that the other night and I don't think we can really say but probably poorer as you know owning a new business money goes into it. And there were a ton of expenses this year.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
I wish I had challenged myself a bit more in my weight and art.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
eating, being quiet when I wanted to say something. I struggle with that constantly.

20. How did spend Christmas?
We spent at Master's family. And then had our own Christmas celebration yesterday and it was GREAT! We had a truly wonderful day!

21. Did you fall in love in 2007?
I did not fall in love with anyone new this year, but I always keep falling in love with Master. And this year was really good.

22. How many one night stands?
None.

23. What was your favorite TV program?
Battlestar Galactica - we watch quite a bit of tv shows on DVD -- West Wing was my favorite this year. We watched all 7 seasons.

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
There are some people who I found out I couldn't trust or that are just people whose ethic match my own. But I do not hate anyone.

25. What was the best book you read?
Oh so many good books....top 5 -- Collage Discovery by Claudine Hellmuth, The Reunion by Laura Antoniou, He said, She said by Marge Percy, The Secret Life of Bees by Sue Monk Kidd, and Outlander by Diana Gabaldon

26. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Death Cab for Cutie is someone I listened to quite a bit this past year

27. What did you want and get?
Just to get closer Master again as 2006 was pretty rough. And 2007 definitely brought us back to us.

28. What did you want and not get?
Just making time for my art....mostly my own fault with my time management

29. What was your favorite film of this year?
The Assassination of Jesse James was really extraordinary and set apart from the other top movies we saw -- that were still great - like the 3rd Ocean's, Bourne and Pirates movies...all really good!

30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
Spent it in Denver with my parents, Master and Master's parents. We went to the art museum and I turned the big 40!

31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
I am not sure....I guess getting us closer to our financial goals but I know that we will reach it eventually.

32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2007?
comfortable but girly

33. What kept you sane?
Master, meds, reading

34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
I prefer people that are actually attainable :)

35. What political issue stirred you the most?
um where do I start...the war, global warming, AIDS, world hunger, the pending oil crash.

36. Who do you miss?
My family

37. Who was the best new person you met?
I am not sure I met anyone really new this year. Although she can be a pain sometimes there is an art contact that we made this year that can/could prove interesting.

38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2007?
People who can't accept you for who you are.....aren't really people who you would want in your life anyway. Which should be a duh but it hit a few times this year.

39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
I am not sure at the moment.

Christmas Quizzes

Your Christmas Sprit Level: 85%

Your Christmas spirit is almost as big as Christmas itself. Christmas is definitely your thing. You celebrate Christmas with enthusiasm. You love every minute of the holidays. Your Christmas spirit is inspiring to everyone who runs into you during the holidays. You make everyone's day just a little bit brighter. And that's what the holidays are all about!

Do You Have the Christmas Spirit?

Christmas Meme

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? both -- I use some of each

2. Tree: real or artificial? growing up it was always a real tree in the living room and then 2 artificial other places in the house. Master and I have an artificial. One though of those good memories with Jim was us going to a tree farm where we got to go pick out our tree....walking in the snow out through the farm was just really a nice quality moment for us.

3. When do you put up the tree? Usually after Dec. 6th. This year the tree was up before then but not decorated until after because of being busy

4. When do you take the tree down? Around the 6th of January

5. Do you like eggnog? No

6. Favourite gift received:
Early years: a doll named Stephanie
Preteen years: I think I was about 10 when I got fashion plates and I loved it
Teen years: a pink long wool coat
Now: the little drawers Master got me stand out














7. Do you have a nativity scene set up? umm yes sort of. It has a manger, angels and sheep and that is it

8. Hardest person to buy for: Master or Master's family. Master because most of the time if he wants something he gets it. And although he has interests quite a few of them I have problems buying things for because I have no knowledge of them. Master's family is hard too just because it is hard to decide what would be a good "family" gift that we don't repeat a million times

9. Easiest person to buy for: most of my friends I find it easy to buy for...always seeing things for them.

10. Worst gift ever received: a sweatshirt with puffy plastic stuff in the shape of bears pushing shopping carts in a weird pink

11. Christmas cards: I like sending them out and I like getting them. Today we got the most beautiful Christmas card from an artist friend and it made Master and I both go damn....that is what we should be doing. Between the both of us we could come up something just as amazing. Really though her art....always leaves me speechless.

12. Favorite Christmas movie: Miracle on 34th Street

13. When do you start shopping for Christmas? I try to start in September or October but mostly it gets done in November and December.

14. Have you ever "recycled" a Christmas present? no but returned quite a bit

15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas: everything sweet! I have a total sweet tooth...sour cream cookies, chocolate caramels, cardamom cookies, my Mom's pecan tarts....and so on and so on

16. Are the tree lights clear, colored, or both? colored but solid colored. We have all red lights on our tree. Someday when we get another house -- I hope to have more then one tree and something else - all white or the multi-colored lights.

17. Favorite seasonal song: Grown Up Christmas List

This is Kelly Clarkson but really my favorite version is by Amy Grant




Grown - Up Christmas List Lyrics

18. Do you travel or stay home for Christmas? We usually stay home. We went to my parents in 2004 and this year we are going to Master's

19. Can you name Santa's reindeer? Blitzen, Donner, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid and Rudolph (are there any I am missing?)

20. Do you have an angel or a star on top of your tree? We have a star. I have a beautiful angel that now sits on our table on a metal charger because there is now way our little tree would have been able to hold it. But more then that we really wanted to have a star. We still haven't found the perfect one. We found one we loved 2 years ago after Chrsitmas but it again was too heavy. This year I found a metal white washed star ornament but fairly large and so Master drilled some holes in it and we tied it to the top with jute. It works but I think neither of us are totally satisfied with it yet.

21. Do you open presents on Christmas Eve or Christmas Morning? Christmas morning. My family growing up always did gifts on Christmas eve and stockings and gifts from other relatives Christmas day. It always made Christmas very magical for me when we did them on Christmas eve because the candles, the glow of the snow through the windows.....it just seems more cozy.

22. Most annoying thing about this time of year: parties

23. Favorite seasonal tradition: putting up the tree with Master

24. Family member you try to stay away from: one of my aunt's -- we sent her a Christmas card this year and Master I think fainted when he saw I included her.

25. Do you attend any religious services in celebration? No and sometimes I miss it and other times I don't. Because I have such mixed religious beliefs but I really have always liked Christmas Eve services....again they have this magic and energy that just is amazing to me.

In the Stars...

Lets101 - Free Online Dating

7 things I am interested in.....

Over on Livejournal there is a meme going around that has to deal with the interests listed on profiles. People pick 7 interests they would like you to explain more. So these were picked for me. If you want to pick any interests for me to explain please feel free to leave me a comment or email me!

Edward Gorey

- I can't really remember when I first started liking his art but I think it was late grade school - jr. high maybe. He is like a darker Dr. Seuss to me. I just really like his images. I remember once upon time - I was a newlywed - I was shopping with my Mom and I picked up some notecards that had Edward Gorey images on them. I thought about getting them and framing them to put in our bathroom. My Mom was horrified...felt his works were evil. She told me she wouldn't ever use the bathroom in my house. Yes insert eye roll here. I ended up not getting them but not because of what she said just decided I didn't need to spend money that day.

Mindfucks

- Definition: "In BDSM, the term mind fuck refers to the act of experiencing or creating a situation which brings about a sense of confusion or a heightened sense of stress, brought about by misleading someone within the confines of a scene or roleplay situation." (a little more at that link)

It is very odd. I would say I haven't been mindfucked in a long time. It is not that Master wouldn't like to but really something is kind of screwed up with me. Before in the past when with others that did mindfucks on me I could walk away and often have a few days away from the person and shake it all off and convince myself that I knew it wasn't real the whole time. Well with Master....I can't do that very well because I take everything Master says to me...to heart. So when it is done it crumbles me in ways that are hard to bounce back from. (humiliation and degradation in play too if it is heavy will do this to me too.)

He does some mindfucks that are okay...that I believed at the time they are being done but come back from okay. But really overall my brain is wonky with him because my feelings for him to are different from feelings I had with others in the past...I bring things he says to my heart much more.

Protocol

- is basically a code of conduct....instruction from Master on how to achieve the things he wants in his life. I like that he has told me what he wants and expects from to help me enhance his life. One protocol he created was I walk on his right side because he can't hear in his left ear. When he was first teaching me that, he would stop walking to if I wasn't on his right side. I would ask if everything okay and he wouldn't say anything he would just stand there until I figured it out....standing there in the parking lot of mall, in the middle of wal-mart and so on.

Typography

- I have a thing for it...I always am looking at the type/font in on websites, in magazines/newspapers, tv ads, greeting cards, junk mail and so on. I have a ridiculous amount of fonts because of obsession. I also think it is why I have a love for a local artist that uses engraved printing plates to create his art.

Ritual Service

- a symbolic gesture done in serving. When we take a shower together it is a ritual for us....as it symbolizes things for us and the relationship we are in. Ritual service is taking something I do in service to make it symbolic. I have done that at times with cleaning the house, serving Master's dinner, getting his coffee and so on. I don't do it always but I do it in so that it helps me get back to center. I know that when I am not feeling very slave-like - struggling at times putting a ritual into my service helps bring me back to center.

Creating your own Reality

- I believe if I want something I am the one that can make it happen. I think about it, visualize and work the steps to get to manifest my dreams. I know I have done this in a negative way also - which I don't like - but in self sabotage I create my own reality.

Kevin Smith

- My first encounter with the name Kevin Smith was the movie Chasing Amy. I really liked the movie. And it is still one of my favorite Kevin Smith movies. But really more then his movies (although I do like most of his movies too)....I like him. I have seen Evening with Kevin Smith 1 and 2 and I just like his stories, look on life, and well I think he is sexy.

Been Tagged...

These are the rules: Answer the four questions in your blog.

At the end, choose 4 of your friends to tag and write their names at the bottom. Let them know they've been tagged in the comments section of their page and send them to your blog.

(I don't do tags)


#1~~ List 5 things in

your

his bedroom:
trying not to list the same things Master listed
- stereo & cds
- febreze allergen control spray bottle
- candles
- Fitz


#2~~List 4 things you like about yourself:
- my creative side
- my hair
- that I can cook
- that I am not scared to make a fool of myself (adding that because after seeing myself in this video - I just am not smooth.)


#3~~List 3 of your favorite past times:
- reading
- baking
-making icons


#4~~Name seven deadly sins**these aren't the famous sins just your own
- dishonesty
- lack of integrity
- lack of loyalty
- not being able to walk in others shoes
- narrow-mindedness
- bigotry
- passive aggressive behavior

play if you want!

What color is your soul painted?

What color is your soul painted? Purple Your soul is painted the color purple, which embodies the characteristics of sensuality, spirituality, creativity, wealth, royalty, nobility, mystery, enlightenment, arrogance, gaudiness, mourning, confusion, pride, delicacy, power, meditation, religion, and ambition. Purple falls under the element of Earth, and was once a European symbol of royalty; today it symbolizes the divine. Click Here to Take This Quiz

Quizzes and Personality Tests

(I confess I took it twice to get purple. I still changed answers between things I really felt and waffled with the first time taking it.)