Good Relationship

From TinyBuddha's FB status today:
"Good relationships don't just happen. They take time, patience, and two people who truly want to be together." ~Unknown

A good life lesson and one I have learned over the years - good relationships just don't happen. I think we like to think that when you love someone - the relationship will just be magically connected together by love and make it a good relationship, but it takes more than love. It does need love - a lot of it, but being compatible on more than just kinky stuff is key to me though.

I love spending time with Master and not just because of the sex and kinky things - although that is delicious! But we mesh on so many levels that with time, patience and wanting to be together - we work hard to keep our relationship strong and keep moving forward.  

Communication

Something I count really among my many blessings is how well Master and I do communicate. It isn't perfect. It isn't that we always say the right thing to each other but in the end we keep talking and working it out until it is resolved.  Actually it is something my previous therapist and my current therapist always comment on - how well Master and I communicate.  It is something that we have proven to be quite good in our poly relationship with teacup as well.  We express ourselves and talk through issues and problems that arise as well as just talking daily about life and beliefs.  It strengthens our relationship and keeps adding good things to our foundation. 


Today's Daily Om was about communication and I thought it to be quite good so sharing some of it. But please follow the link to read the rest. 

"When we are in a relationship where we feel listened to and understood, we count ourselves lucky because we know how rare that experience is. We reserve our most intimate selves for the people who, along with us, cocreate an open space where we feel free to express ourselves and listen without judgment. These relationships, which thrive on open communication, can mean the difference between existential loneliness and a deep sense of belonging. We all long to feel heard, understood, and loved, and clear communication makes this possible." -  Daily OM May 24, 2012

"The key is to find ways to center ourselves so that we communicate meaningfully, lovingly, and wisely. In this way, we honor our companions and create relationships in which there is a genuine sense of understanding and respect."  - Daily OM May 24, 2012

5 Ways....

I was reading this "5 Ways to Love Yourself Completely - Right Now" and I realize that they are just good in general but as a person in service and placing in context of serving they work really well too.   The author Jess Weiner goes into each one with a little paragraph but I am just sharing the 5 ways and then my thoughts.


1. Forgive -One of the things she says is forgive yourself. I know I don't do that enough.  I hang on to my mistakes for a long time even little ones that I know Master probably isn't even thinking about - I still am not forgiving myself for making a mistake. Earlier in the week we ran a lot of errands and I only brought a few reusable shopping bags so we didn't have enough by the time we got into the last place. So had to use the store ones. I didn't beat myself up for that but Master is big on making sure you tie those plastic grocery store sacks so things dont' fall out and roll around in the back of the car.  I forgot to tie them and they had round cans in them so when took the first corner - out they all came rolling around the back.  Master got out at the stop light and tied the bags.  I have been beating myself up about this little mistake since.  It was a little mistake...I should get over it. Forgive myself and move on.

2. Take Small Steps of Action  - "Get out of your head and into your life."  is one quote from the text.  I have so much in my head that it stops me from trying and moving forward.  I just need to take even a small step of action. 


3. Practice Daily Grace  -   I really liked what she had to say about Practicing grace.  Those mistakes I talked about in #1 that I hang on to - well they are taking up space that could be used for other more important things. Ms. Weiner says to practice daily grace so that it is like a muscle.  I like to call muscle memory. It just becomes a part of you the more you use it. 


4. Pay attention to your Body - I know I am much better at this then I was when I was younger. I now can tell when my body needs rest or when things are wrong.  But when I was serving in the Poly Household - I often pushed myself and didn't listen to my body trying to tell me that I was pushing to hard. 


5. Make Friends with Patience and Progress - All of these are linked of course and #3 and this one are especially close.  If you are practicing daily grace then you will be able to more easily make friends with patience and progress. To see your growth in even small things and allowing yourself mistakes as they help us learn and grow. 


You can get the 5 Ways to Love Yourself Completely by Jess Weiner on her website. You have to fill in your email address and she emails them to you. 

Control of Emotions

From an old Daily OM:

"As we analyze what lies at the root of our emotions, we can regain control over our moods and live each day in a more conscious, participatory fashion. The intensity of our feelings can be paralyzing, and their impact upon our choices and preferences astounding. Their power lies in their mysteriousness, however. Thus, when we seek to uncover the origin of our emotions, we strip them of their ability to interfere with our actions and reactions. The greater our understanding of ourselves, the more control we have over how we address challenging or unexpected circumstances. We can then look to reality for guidance and to our emotions for release. As you search your soul for answers today, you come to understand that you control your feelings."

I try to not let my emotions interfere with my service as Master's slave. It is hard. Sometimes I can do it and many times I can't. I am a very emotional person. I am lead by emotions so often the emotions control how(not if or when just how) I do whatever Master has told me to do. And yes I don't always like to do what he wants or says. I always do what Master says but I don't always do it with...well grace. So I really this Daily Om is something I should read often so that maybe I can understand how to control my emotions - because again as I have said often - really when it comes down to it I want to serve Master so the emotion is a reaction to the moment but not really what I want at my core. So if I could control the emotions to match what I want - that would be great.

Is it possible? Has anyone been able to do this?

Daily Om - Actions

I like Daily Om's not only for just my spiritual growth and well-being but also how I can relate them back to my service. I think this Daily Om is one of those that works well for my service. Italicizing the part that really stood out for me.

Considering Others
Reaffirming Our Integrity

Every thought we think and every action we take has an effect on the world around us. To be aware of this is to be conscious of our impact on the people in our lives. Sometimes we just want to do what we want to do, but considering the full ramifications of our actions can be an important part of our spiritual growth and awareness. At first, being more conscious requires effort, but once we have made it a habit, it becomes second nature. The more we practice this awareness of others, the more we find ourselves in easy alignment with our integrity.

Our thoughts are an important place to begin this practice because our thoughts are the seeds of our actions. It is not necessary or beneficial to obsessively monitor all our thoughts, but we can perhaps choose one thought or action per day and simply notice if we are in alignment with this experience of integrity. For example, we may find ourselves replaying a negative encounter with someone in our minds. We may think that this doesn’t affect the person about whom we are thinking, but the laws of energy tell us that it does. When we hold someone negatively in our minds, we risk trapping them in negativity. If we were this person, we might wish for forgiveness and release. We can offer this by simply letting go of the negative thought and replacing it with a wish for healing on that person’s behalf.

With regard to our actions, we may have something difficult to express to someone. Taking the time to consider how we would feel if we were in his or her shoes will enable us to communicate more sensitively than we would if we just expressed ourselves from our own perspective. When we modify our approach by taking someone else’s feelings into account, we bring benefit to that person and ourselves equally. The more we do this, the more we reaffirm our integrity and the integrity of our relationship to the world.

When I was first learning to please Master and put him first, I often did the task above where I took one thing to focus on. Such as just trying to be aware of his drink and if it was filled. And simply being aware of it and doing it. Because sometimes I got overwhelmed with it all so just focusing on one thing helped me slow down. Eventually that spread out to each task and it became habit.

This Door Leads to Excitement...

I get the daily Notes from the Universe...

Today's message: "Here's a hint on figuring out the next step to take on the path of your wildest dreams...danae, it almost never lies behind the doors marked, "WOW," "SEXY," or "GLAMOROUS."

Mwah,
The Universe

ps: Not that you won't make it look wow, sexy, glamorous, danae. You always could wear anything.


I feel often that people get into a D/s or M/s relationship thinking that all things will suddenly be transformed. That now that you have walked through that KINKY SLAVE door cleaning the toilet will suddenly be exciting and a turn on.

Master and I recently had a discussion - about what I can't remember at the moment. I mean I can't remember what started the conversation. But during it I said when I was first here cleaning His toilet made me smile and actually turned me on. I was excited to serve him by cleaning the toilet. Now although I still feel that I am of domestic service by cleaning the toilet and glad I can be of service - it is just cleaning the toilet. I don't get turned on and it is just one of many tasks I perform.

I don't think there is anything wrong with that either. Life has mundane tasks and I am glad I can do some those mundane tasks so he doesn't have too.

Anyway, the Note from the Universe made me think about how people think that those mundane tasks will suddenly be transformed and everything we do is more and exciting just because are doing M/s. And it might feel that way at first but do remember reality will eventually hit.

Yes We Can!

I have no words for what I just witnessed...I am just so very happy. I have been through a half a box of kleenex from happy tears.

Simply Service Holiday Issue

Bootpig announced that the special holiday issue of Simply Serivce is out. 28 pages of amazing "holiday goodness" sums it up!

It is online at Sensual Service - Simply Service Archive. But you could also subscribe to it at SimplyService-subscribe@yahoogroups.com. And you will be subscribed for all future issues plus receive the Holiday Issue automatically.

A big thanks to Bootpig and Porkchop for putting it together! It looks absolutely amazing!

(couldn't resist the holiday icon with pigs!)

Competing/Comparison

From an older Daily OM Horoscope that I saved....

"Choosing not to compete with the people in your life allows you to live up to your standards without worrying about theirs. When you measure your achievements against other people’s accomplishments, it is easy to become defensive because there will always be someone who has accomplished more. Eschewing competition means you can narrow your focus and concentrate entirely on getting ahead rather than being distracted by the need to outdo someone else. Your aims will reflect your inner values and what you truly want out of life. The challenges you face will be ones you set for yourself, and no one else’s success will cause you to doubt yourself or your capabilities. Choose not to compete today, and you will be able to take greater pride in your accomplishments."

I am not really a competitive person but I fall into comparing myself with others. I get so hung up on what others have accomplished I end up setting myself up to fail or miss all the ways I do serve Master that are wonderful accomplishments.

I heard a little story about a zen master watching an archery competition and one competitor was really concentrating on winning. But he was doing very badly and someone asked the zen master why the person was doing badly and he said "his need to win drains him of power." That focusing on winning is putting energy to the future instead of just putting his energy into the now and just doing the competition.

And it can be similar to that I am so busy looking at others and what they are doing that I fail to live now - my life and/or miss all that great things we are doing in my relationship right now.

Daily OM

I had a bunch of Daily Om's flagged in my inbox so I am posting just a few of them here as I feel they were pretty good. Remember these are just snippets to read the whole Daily Om click on the links!

Your Allies On Life's Journey: Finding Your Tribe
Part of being human is the search for an individual identity. Bound to this strong need to establish a unique persona, however, is an equally intense desire for acceptance. It is when we find our individual tribes that both are satisfied. Our tribe members are those people who accept us as we are without reservation and gladly accompany us on our journeys of evolution. Among them, we feel free to be our imperfect selves, to engage unabashedly in the activities we enjoy, and to express our vulnerabilities by relying on our tribe for support. We feel comfortable investing our time and energy in the members of our tribe, and are equally comfortable allowing them to invest their resources in our development.


Foundations Of Evolution: Acknowledging Your Growth
Since personal evolution is most often a slow and gradual process, it can be difficult to recognize the scope of the changes taking place in our lives. Yet it is important that we regularly acknowledge our ongoing growth and reward ourselves for the many wonderful feats of self-improvement we have accomplished. When we intentionally contemplate our progress, we need never feel that we are languishing between past achievements and the realization of future goals.


Consuming To Heal: Filling Imaginary Voids
In our culture today, we are constantly encouraged to consume. This includes food as well as purchasing ever newer items that we may not need, often using money that we may not actually have. It could be that we are trying to fill a void we feel within ourselves, but if we take the time to examine it, we know deep inside that this is not the solution.


Choosing Not To Be A Target: Emotional Attacks
When someone attacks us emotionally, we may wonder what we did to rouse their anger, and we take their actions personally. We may ask ourselves what we could have done to compel them to behave or speak that way toward us. It's important to remember that there are no real targets in an emotional attack and that it is usually a way for the attacker to redirect their uncomfortable feelings away from themselves.


A Magical Mind: Wish
Wishes are important missives, expressing our heart's desire as well as our intention to create something new in our lives. When we wish for something, our consciousness opens to receiving it, like a flower unfolding its petals to receive a bee.


Lifting Pain's Veil: Bitterness
Divesting yourself of bitter feelings can be as simple as truly forgiving and moving on. Even when your bitterness has no concrete object, you can forgive situations too. Healing pain can be challenging but may be easier if you remind yourself that you are the only entity truly affected by your emotional state. In time, you will discover that letting go of your bitterness frees you to initiate the healing process and allows you to once again celebrate the possibility of the more wonderful life you deserve.

From Daily Om

Understanding Oneness: Level Of Consciousness -- We can share our experiences and understanding with others not from a place of condescension but of connection. When the entire family of humanity understands that each of our thoughts, choices, and actions affect us all, we will share an incredible level of consciousness-one that puts our oneness above all else and helps us evolve into higher expressions of our spiritual selves. Remember the next time you witness an action of another that they are of the same earth as you but simply on a different conscious level at this point in their life. Find compassion, bless them, and move along your day in grace.

After Dessert....

Note from the Universe...

"When otherwise most challenging, danae, love can begin with sympathy.

Right after dessert."

And how come that makes sense to me at the moment? I think I am up too early...going back to bed.

A Little Piece from Daily OM

With a new year about to emerge, spirituality is something I would like to focus on more this new year. Meditate more reguarly. Read daily OM - daily not doing a mass catch up on them. They make me feel more centered, remind me to be aware, and teach me about mySELF. I want to learn more and make Buddhism more of a daily awareness instead of a thing that is just there under the surface. And daily becoming more the person I want to BE.

So this is a good Daily OM for me today....

Growing Day by Day: "Becoming a better person in your own eyes is a whole-life project, and thus you should focus your step-by-step efforts on multiple areas of your existence. Since you likely know innately which qualities you consider good, growing as an individual is simply a matter of making an effort to do good whenever possible. Respect should be a key element of your efforts. When you acknowledge that all people are deserving of compassion, consideration, and dignity, you are naturally more apt to treat them in the manner you yourself wish to be treated. You will intuitively become a more active listener, universally helpful, and truthful. Going the extra mile in all you do can also facilitate evolution. Approaching your everyday duties with an upbeat attitude and positive expectations can help you make the world a brighter, more cheerful place. Finally, coming to terms with your values and then abiding by them will enable you to introduce a new degree of integrity and dignity into your life."

Daily Om Libra Horoscope

Just a snippet from A Solitary Release from September 21:

"Strong feelings of isolation can indicate that we have neglected our personal needs and should devote a portion of our time to reconnecting with our inner selves. The company of others is typically energizing yet can become exhausting when we are feeling socially detached and unsure of ourselves. Retreating into the tender embrace of willing solitude enables us to get reacquainted with our values and ambitions away from the distractions of a noisy world. Alone, it becomes easier to recall what is meaningful to us and to relax in the manner we find most refreshing. As you grow in solitude and once again feel comfortable being yourself today, the thought of spending time with others will become a joyful rather than traumatic one."

Daily Om Libra Horoscope

Just a snippet from todays Replacing Worry With Prosperity:

"When we no longer feel the need to worry about day-to-day survival matters, we are free to pursue opportunities that demand the whole of our attention while promising rich rewards. Anxiety drains our energy stores by monopolizing our focus and exhausting us physically. During bouts of worry, we are rendered unable to concentrate on activities that fall outside of the scope of mundane concerns. By banishing anxious thoughts from our minds and endeavoring to create an existence suffused by security, we empower ourselves to focus wholly on long-term goals and pleasurable pursuits. We draw prosperity into our lives by simply grounding our thoughts in visualizations of our ultimate futures. You are at liberty to explore your world today in part because you have built a sturdy foundation of stability in your life."

Some Snippets from Daily OM

A Life of Passion
"Forgetting about what you love to do can be a form of self-sabotage. If you can forget about your dreams, then you never have to risk failure. But just because we've decided to ignore our passions doesn't mean they no longer exist."


Staying Afloat
"Because life is dynamic and always changing, it is when we try to make the wave stand still or resist its direction that we are likely to get pulled under by its weight."

Fully Present in Time
"Our lives are so complex and full that we tend to focus on the big picture rather than on the minute details that make up the picture. Individual moments are lost among the day's clutter, and we are overwhelmed by the burdens, tasks, and responsibilities we must face. To cope, we spend much of our time recalling the bliss the past held or anticipating the blessings the future will bring. However, while life is often demanding and hectic, it is nonetheless made up of immeasurable moments that each carry the potential to delight. A consciousness fixed in the present exists in a state of optimal sensitivity. It responds to life as it comes, reveling in the pleasures of the moment and then gladly letting that moment go."

Complementary Energies
"It is easy to get caught up in the demands of home life because they never stop. There is always one more thing you can do, another dish in the sink, a counter that needs wiping, or a person who needs a ride somewhere. If you don't set some boundaries, you will find yourself on an endless journey of housework and doing for others. Eventually, you will probably feel drained and out of touch with your inner life force. Instead of waiting for this to happen, integrate self-care into your daily schedule. Even Buddha insisted that he have one hour completely to himself every day. There are times when even that will not be possible-for example, with a new baby or a sick relative. At times like this, retreating inward energetically can be a lifesaver. You can always find five minutes to close your eyes and breathe consciously. You may even be able to meditate. "

Choosing a New Response
"Everyone has fears-it is a natural part of being human. Fear can protect us from harm by sending a rush of adrenaline to help us physically deal with potential danger. But there are times when fear may keep us from participating fully in life. Once we realize that fear is a state of mind, we can choose to face our fears, change our minds, and create the life we want to live."

The Journey of Release
"When we become overwhelmed and things are not going as planned, it is natural to hold tighter to our goals and try to force things to go our way. In the process, we tie ourselves in knots, tensing our shoulders, jaws, and muscles throughout our bodies. Our mind tells us that this is how to get a firmer grip on a situation that feels out of control, but as we create knots in our bodies we are blocking the flow of our energy, exhausting ourselves by exerting more effort yet accomplishing less. At these times, though it may seem counterintuitive, our higher selves know it's better to let go."

Daily OM Horoscope...

They are much more like....life lessons instead of horoscopes to me....

Reprinting whole thing...

The Love You Deserve
Libra Daily Horoscope

Self-directed criticism may cloud your opinion about your contributions today. You may feel anxious and insecure about your abilities, worth, or performance. Rather than goading yourself into working harder, try to accept that you are doing the best you can. Remind yourself that all you do has merit and is appreciated by others. If you finish a project, make a loved one happy, or learn something new, take pride in your accomplishments. Celebrate your small victories and remember that simply making the effort to achieve your goals, whatever the outcome, is worthy of a pat on the back. If you choose not to downplay your successes and acknowledge that you are a capable individual today, you’ll likely begin to see how much value you add to the world.

Accepting yourself can help you to recognize that doing your best is a reason to feel proud. Assessing your life in terms of your successes, rather than your mistakes, can remind you of how much you have accomplished. Accentuating your positive attributes and loving yourself for the person you are—while simultaneously accepting your imperfections—can open a world of possibilities that were previously closed to you because you now realize that you are worthy of what you want in life. You are no longer spending time berating yourself, so you have more time to pursue your dreams. When you accept yourself and find joy in your achievements today, you’ll regain your sense of self assurance and open yourself up to receive more good things.

Daily OM

I am posting the whole Daily OM as it seemed to come at a good time for me since this past weekend I seemed to get annoyed very easily.

The Upside Of Irritation
Things That Annoy Us

There are many stories of spiritual masters embracing the presence of an annoying student in their community. There is even one story that documents a teacher paying an irritating person to live among his students. From an everyday perspective, this is difficult to comprehend. We generally work hard to avoid people and things that we find annoying so they don't bother us.

From a deeper spiritual perspective, however, irritation can be an important teacher and indicator that we are making progress on our path. Being able to remain centered and awake even when we feel uncomfortable is much more impressive than doing so in an environment where everything is to our liking. No matter how good we are at controlling our circumstances, there will always be factors and people that we cannot control. How we respond to these experiences to a great degree determines the quality of our lives. The goal of spiritual development is not to learn to control our environment-which is more of an ego-driven desire. And while having some measure of control over our external reality is important, it is when we are confronted with a person or situation that irritates us and we can choose not to react that we know have made progress spiritually. It is when we have mastered our internal reality that we will have become the masters of our lives.

The more we try to eliminate annoyances, instead of learning to handle them gracefully, the further we get from developing the qualities that come with spiritual growth, such as patience, tolerance, and acceptance. It is often in the presence of people and experiences we find annoying that we have an opportunity to develop these qualities. Fortunately for most of us, our lives offer an abundance of opportunities to practice and cultivate these traits.

Daily OM Horoscope

A little bit from my Daily OM Horoscope:

Being of service to others can make us feel empowered. When you participate in making someone’s life better, you honor that person as well as yourself. As you exert your personal power in ways that benefit others, you derive a strong sense of fulfillment because you see how you have the ability to change the world for the better. When you’re of service to others, you receive their gratitude, which raises your self-esteem and revitalizes you. By being of service to others today, you can come to understand that even your smallest contributions to the world’s well-being have merit.

And the Day is a Fog....

Okay yes...another Firefly post but promise it is not just strictly a Firefly post. Doing a life update too. I have seen all the episodes so many times now. But I still like watching them again and again. I wish they had not cancelled it. I am thankful that my wonderful Master gave me both the DVD set and the movie Serenity for Christmas. Yay! I am watching one of the many favorites right now...."Out of Gas." I like because it goes into the background of how some of the crew came to be on Serenity.

I have my period and still feeling under the weather so I have been real weepy tonight. Crying and crying for no apparent reason. Master has been really good to me giving me hugs and kisses as well as Chinese food for dinner! I wanted to do a tarot reading on myself but I don't think I have the focus I need for it. I hate that with my period I lack focus. I feel so foggy in my brain. It is like everything is through a filter. Master was talking to me on the phone tonight about a friend of ours...and I know that I heard all of it...responded but for the life of me right now I could repeat most of it back. I hate that! That is why during my period there is usually notes all around or if Master tells me to do something that is one of those things I can do later...I usually do it at that moment or I will forget if I don't write it down. So I always go through these moments of feeling very worthless as a slave because I just don't feel like I am serving well.

Daily OM...is a daily email that I always look forward to. They have now started a sign up for horoscopes too. Mine for today kind of goes with not feeling up to par in service right now. Just a line: "You may also benefit from sprucing up your relationships as much as you spruce up your home. It may serve you best to take care of your friends and family with as much diligence as you take care of your home and possessions." Master and I spent the day getting the bedroom back in order. Moving furniture back in and putting all the odd-n-ends away. We decided to rearrange today and it feels so much better in there....less full. We have a lot of furniture in the room...and it didn't flow quite right. But now it does and so it feels much more open. It is nice.

I have a print that I bought at the Metropolitain Museum of Art when I was in NYC in 1997 (1998? can't remember the year right now) that I have never framed. It might be a section from a bigger painting by Picasso. It says "The Engraver" on it but it is 2 women naked....one lying down and the other is sitting playing a flute. The lines and colors in it...are very sensual. And it happens to go with our bedroom very nice. So I brought it out and Master says that we will take it go get it framed. And now with the room rearranged we have a place that it would look very good.

Tomorrow I hope to have a little time to do some art and finish putting things back in order as the house kind of got taken over by the bedroom so things are out of place. Oh and LAUNDRY!