30 Days of Kink - Day 21

Day 21: Favorite BDSM related book (fiction or non-fiction)

Marketplace series by Laura Antoniou - this is hands down my favorite BDSM fiction.  My favorite in the series is The Reunion.  

This is a quote from it - it is in regards to Robin discussing her life in service to Chris Parker on the plane to Ireland....

"It was everything you said, everything you wrote, about the balance between owner and owned, the sense of knowing your place in the world and the strength that comes from that. Oh, I guess there were some days when I hated the workload, or I was just exhausted - but I never hated my life."

I looked at my books tag on my blog because I know I have talked about books enough here that I would have some info about BDSM fiction and non-fiction I have read. 

Here is a BDSM Book Meme that has books I read in bold, books I loved underlined.

I contributed an essay to a Power Exchange book.

Book reviews of The Academy and The Reunion by Laura Antoniou. 

Quotes from The Academy.

My Laura Antoniou fan-girl story.

Some small book reviews on some BDSM books.

Just to add some of my favorite (non-bdsm) books have helped me in service too...such as Home Comforts by Cheryl Mendelson or Memoirs of a Geisha by Arthur Golden. 

The previous 30 Days of Kink entries.

In Motion

* We have been traveling quite a bit - just day trips or a few days here and there. But soon we will be taking a longer trip. We will be going to see my sister and her family. After a few days with her, we will go do a work project and then after the work is done, we will spend the weekend with teacup as we will be in her neck of the woods. It is really great since we haven't seen her since June and it has been hard on all of us. But we see her again in November. She will be spending Thanksgiving with us.

* I have my follow up for my doctor coming up this week - for the sciatica. He did a treatment of cortisone that lasted 10 hours. Then he prescribed a pill that was for 5 days, but my doctor and my pharmacist were really at odds with each other on the drug. After taking this drug and seeing how I reacted, he will know better how to treat me. The drug worked great except for upsetting my stomach which was the pharmacist concern. But the positive of the drug it brought my pain down to zero on a pain scale and the most it would go up to is a 3. It still even almost a week after it has been done hasn't brought my pain back up to where it was before (a 7 was pretty much my daily consistent pain level).

* Yesterday we did yard work. Both of us are not fans of it.  I have bad allergies that really just cause me to be miserable because I would love to have some garden but just can't keep up with it. But this was icky yard work - pulling weeds. We have rock landscaping, but weeds come up in them and with my sciatica being as bad as it has been there has been no way I could do it before now.  It was hard to do it yesterday. Master ended up doing the backbreaking stuff. We had put it off until we couldn't any longer.

* The first of February is our anniversary, but the 1st of every month for the last 9 years Master says Happy Anniversary.  We laughed that our morning was spent doing yard work - fun fun! But really I am thankful that we can have of course lots of fun together, but also make things we don't like doing go a little faster and better by doing them together.  We did of course have some afternoon fun.

* We have all sorts of toys....whip, floggers, cane, evil stick, baton, leather strap and so on but the things that seem to always make marks on me are just things around the house.  When teacup was here last time, Master was looking for a tie in a bondage book. It wasn't giving him the info he wanted to he decided to instead use the book to beat me.  I ended up with some wicked looking bruises. Yesterday afternoon Master used a rubber band and I have nasty bruises on my breasts.

* We were out of town recently and when we arrived back in town we decided to get some errands out of the way before heading home. One thing was to go to the library as I figured I had some book waiting for me. I came with a HUGE pile.  Master shouted from the car on my way out of the library carrying the huge pile of books that I didn't need to check whole library out. The lady in front of me got a chuckle. But the sad thing is that huge pile of books I only have like 3 left to read as I am going through a book a day still.  I got through the Anita Blake series. All caught up again...I had been 3 books behind, but reread the entire series. I admit I got to one book there at the end - I think it was Hit List and thought of Kam. He used to read them out loud to me. I thought of him through the earlier books but Hit List for some reason really reminded me of him.

* Here is a youtube clip from the movie The Ugly Truth. I haven't seen the movie, but this clip is amusing. To me at least. Might be my lack of sleep. Or just thinking Gerard Bulter is hot.

BDSM Tips for Beginners

I have read a lot recently where it is said that many women that read Fifty Shade of Grey end up writing ads on Craigslist saying they are submissive and not really understanding the consequences of saying that or who might be on the other end of that ad.   So, You Read ‘Fifty Shades’, and Now You Want to be a Sub… by Tessa Taboo on Eden Fantasys Sexis Magazine talks about what a submissve might be getting herself into without knowing much about BDSM.

I can totally understand being upset about these women not understanding what they are getting into, but I also turn back and think about when I got into it formally and what did I do to help ensure my safety.  I didn't just arbitrarily put an ad out on the internet without doing a lot of research to know what I getting myself into and what exactly I wanted.

We are adults and we have to use common sense. Will every woman use common sense? No, but those doing research and learning more about BDSM before jumping in will find tips for safety in abundance out on the internet.


So just thought I would add my 2 cents for beginner BDSMer's...


1. Know yourself.  Read, talk to people, research and decide what you want.  Do you want to know what a spanking feels like? Do you want to be tied up and nothing else?  Do you want someone who can be kinky in the bedroom and be on equal footing outside the bedroom? Do you want a long term partner or just someone to play with? Do you want to be a slave? Do you want switch? There are so many options and so many things that it can get overwhelming. Talk, write out your thoughts to get them out and evaluate them, discuss with others and keep trying to figure out what exactly you want. Eden Fantasys has not only BDSM/Fetish books such as Seductive Art of Japanese Bondage, but also has BDSM toys to help you start exploring.


Also remember it's not set in stone. Sometimes these lines and what you want move.  It is expected and natural ... don't think that you just have one shot at this and you're done. Have fun exploring all the new thoughts and feelings inside.


2. Find friends you can talk too.  You have decided you have these desires....can you tell your vanilla friends? If not, then start looking for friends in the lifestyle that you can be open with so you can discuss your desires. Being able to have friends as a sounding board for not only your desires but someone you are interested in is invaluable.   Friends are great at helping you gain perspective and kicking you in the butt when you are acting without thinking.


3. Get Offline and get out.   Find local lifestyle groups to help you explore those desires by talking and learning from others. Getting out and going to local groups helps in finding local friends and eventually potential partners. If you're invited to a play party or dungeon, then try to go with a friend.  It's okay to sit and watch a few times to see what it's about.  Ask the people throwing the party if you can just be a 'fly on the wall' because you're new and just trying to figure out what the lifestyle is about. It is really good to see things in action that you have been thinking about.  

4. Meet several times before playing.   Meeting up with a potential long term partner or play partner then have vanilla type dates first.  Meet for dinner or coffee.  Talk and talk and talk more about what you both are wanting and expecting from play or a relationship if that is what you are seeking. Don't do things that would impair your judgement.  If you are okay with having 2 drinks, but 3 impair your judgement make sure you only have 2 drinks.  When we meet someone that wants to play or we feel that connection with, it is so easy to just jump in with both feet and say lets do it ALL. But again use some common sense...and remember you really don't know this person yet even if there feels like a lasting connection.  Did you jump into bed with every vanilla guy you dated? If no, then why do it with the d-types (dominants) you are meeting for the first time. 


5. Set up Safecalls.  A safe call is when you set up a time to check in with a call to a friend. You will call with a code word or phrase to let him/her know the date/play date is going well.  You give that friend all the info you have on your date - name, phone and anything else...such as photo.  You tell them where you will be and how long you think you will be there.  You can call when you get there, when you leave, and  with option for one in the middle just to make sure.  If things are going longer then you thought they would, call and set up another call at certain time.  Even when just meeting for a date or coffee, set up a safe call because you don't want to suddenly let your desires take over and say yes to this guy who is saying, "lets go play."  I like even better setting up to meet the friend after. Because no matter if playing or just meeting it is always good to talk with a friend about it after. Also let the person  you are meeting know you are meeting someone after your play date.  If it is someone who was going to go further, they might think twice about it knowing your friend might push you into going to the police if you were battered beyond what you negotiated.  It might not stop someone like that, but it might.  

6. Trust your instincts and be honest with yourself.   Being honest with yourself helps you trust your instincts and vice versa.  If you are feeling off about someone, but they are turning you on you might ignore that instinct by lying to yourself. So be honest with yourself - does something feel off? Does this person really want the same things I do? Does it feel good sitting having coffee with this person as well as playing?


Now after all these tips, I will say sometimes tips like these won't make sense for the situation, but again it comes down to trusting your instinct and knowing even with safety tips doesn't  means you are totally safe. Anything can happen.  Just use your head and be honest with yourself.

Disclosure: EdenFantasys provided me with a gift card in exchange for this post. All opinions are my own, and were not influenced in any way.

Ugly July

This month has been hard on me.

 The end of May my sciatica came back and it is just getting worse and worse.  To the point that this month - I can't stand or sit very long. Laying down seems to give me the most relief at this time, but still is very painful and have to readjust positions often.  I have an appointment with my doctor next week. 

Because I am in such pain, I am falling behind on things around the house and other things such as blogging. But I have been reading like a mad-woman.  I am going through a book in a day or two.  My library requests aren't keeping up with me so in between waiting for them - I am rereading the Anita Blake series by Laurell K. Hamilton.  I have most of them so keep pulling them off the shelf in between my library books.  I am almost to the point in the series where I stop liking them.  

I am also reading the Highlander series by Karen Marie Moning and going to reread her Fever series after the Highlander series. If you haven't read anything by Karen Marie Moning and like bodice ripper type books - read her.  Master thinks is it is amusing because I can read her books that are bodice rippers where the woman is held down, hooded in one, tied up in others and  even one of them starts out with how the man is hung like a horse and even the horses envy him but I am not big on BDSM fiction. The Market Place series by Laura Antoniou being the exception.  But I like the bodice rippers where the women are feisty and get tamed. 

Books are the only thing keeping me from drowning right now.  When I am in this kind of pain cycle, it starts to bring me down. My depression starts weighing on me and I feel myself sinking into it.  I get why. I understand it logically but trying to fight it has nothing to do with logic.  It has nothing to do with even seeing it happening - even though recognizing it is good so I can see I need to fight it. It is just hard and tiring.  Books though have become the only thing that keeps my mind from sinking into it.  

Master is going through a great amount of stress right now too.  The kind of stress that makes your chest hurt.  I am trying to help him and just be here for him which I know he appreciates my support but I wish I could help more then just being supportive.  But this is a stress that won't go away until a solution is found. 

So that is where things are at the moment. I just thought I would try to get a life update posted so that people didn't think I fell off the earth. 

50 Shades of Grey

I just finished all 3 books of Fifty Shades of Grey.  I am sure much of the BDSM community is up in the arms about 50 Shades of Grey (I haven't had time to look on FetLife to see what people are saying about it.).  I am sure they are berating it for portraying our lifestyle "wrong" because those that get into it must be 50 shades of fucked up to do what we do. Or they a berating for bringing flocks of people into our lifestyle that don't have a clue what the lifestyle is about.  Neither of those things bother me because something happened recently that made me remember something...

While teacup was here, we watched an old favorite of mine 9 1/2 Weeks.  It is a favorite for very sentimental reasons because it was the first time I watched a mainstream movie and felt a spark of recognition. It wasn't that it was exactly like I wanted or had in my life even at the time but it sparked something in me that went yes I can see some of this in my life and it makes me hot.  I remember my ex-husband being more comfortable with the kink we had in our sex life after watching that movie.  It did spice up our sex life.  Same thing happened when I read bodice ripper type books for the first time - they made me wet and fed my fantasies which in turn helped my sex life.

I am sure that many vanilla's reading the book and getting hot by it which isn't a bad thing to me.  It helps them spice up their sex life and have some fun - so be it! I am all for having fun and spicing up the sex life - yay! Go for it!

I will say that when I started these books, I was surprised that vanilla women/soccer type Mom's were swooning over these book.  I couldn't wrap my mind around it - that they were really okay with handing that much control over, being spanked and tied up? Really? I am not sure why it shocked me so much but it did shock me.  I don't consider being tied up and spanked mainstream.  I know many people in the lifestyle do, but I don't. You might see it here and there on mainstream tv or movies but it is not a norm in the entertainment world.  So it isn't mainstream to me.

I asked several friends and my sisters about the books because I was really curious about why these books were all the rage with vanilla women. (BTW we don't have tv and I hadn't read anything online about these books or even heard about the books until a BDSM friend wrote me and asked me if I had read them.)  It  was confirmed by a friend who is a mommy (also a slave) and hangs around with many vanilla mommies.  These Moms didn't feel any woman should be handing over any control like that but the kinky fuckery well that was spicing up their sex life and that was good. I can wrap my mind around that for the most part. I couldn't with the control. I know that many women even in the lifestyle have problems with the amount of control I hand over so for me to wrap my mind around vanilla women being okay with it - I was struggling with that thought. And as it turns out they would have a problem with it so not like I could out myself to vanilla family or friends.

I really didn't have a problem with how the book portrayed BDSM. I thought they did good with having safewords and describing limits and such.  But just the over all writing was bad and phrases and situations were repetitious. Such as if I had to read one more time how his jeans hung off his hips, or her biting her lip and what that did to him, and his over jealous attitude - I thought I was going to scream.  But the over all story - and the kinky fuckery were fine with me.  It didn't turn me on really as it was kind of like soft kinky porn instead of the more heavy SM that I enjoy.  The other thing I didn't like was - I do feel it made it seem like Christain was involved in BDSM because of his fucked up past so that did make me wonder if vanilla women reading this would think that too. But obviously they are enjoying the kinky fuckery in their own bedrooms so they aren't thinking too much on the Christian being fucked up and doing BDSM.

Again overall the books were okay.  I am glad I read them because I wanted to know what all the hoopla was about them. I am glad they had kinky fuckery even up to the last pages.  It is great that it is spicing up sex lives.  I just wish it was better writing like Laura Antoniou 's books. Those are yummy!

March Q&A - Several Questions

I have several questions:
What books are you reading? 

The Reunion (The Marketplace Series) by Laura Antoniou , Urban Pantry by Amy Pennington, Home Economics: Vintage Advice and Practical Science for the 21st-century Household by Jennifer McKnight-Trontz, Can I freeze it? : how to use the most versatile appliance in your kitchen  by Susie Theodorou and Fix, freeze, feast : the delicious, money-saving way to feed your family by Kati Neville and Lindsay Tkacsik

What is one website that you visit daily?  One? only one? :)  I visit Facebook, Pinterest, TinyBuddha, and FetLife daily. 

Will there be a hierarchy within your poly relationship?
Yes, Master at the head, but teacup and I are equal. I of course will know things she doesn't in this relationship because I have been here for 9 years but offering advice and being here to maybe help her, doesn't in my terms mean I am above her or alpha of her. We are both His. I won't be in charge of her. I won't be ordering her.  I am not alpha - thank goodness as it isn't a role I enjoy. 


Are you out to your family? Any vanilla friends? 
I am out to both of my sisters about the bdsm.  They both know I have been in poly relationships, but I know they don't believe Master and I are poly. But I did tell one of my sisters just very briefly about teacup when we were home for Christmas. But I think that she probably thought threesome and then cast it aside. 


I have some friends that are vanilla that know but they all met me through my blog or livejournal so they knew before I could out myself technically.  


My therapist knows about the poly but not about the M/s. 


Remember it is March Question Month. Ask any question and I will blog my answer. You can ask even ask anonymously. Just post your question(s) here in comments or via email. 

Love Times Three - Part 2

As I said in a previous post I read Love Times Three: Our True Story of a Polygamous Marriage by Joe, Alina, Vicki and Valerie Darger.

I thought I would share some quotes I have flagged in the book.

"Plural marriage isn't easy. We're the first to admit that.  It's a lifestyle that requires of each woman a constant gentle empathy for her sister wives and a respect for boundaries and fairness. We face the same struggles that monogamous wives do, but those trying  times are often magnified because there are multiple partners whose perspective and feeling have to be considered."

Really good words. I think it requires quite a bit of empathy, respect for boundaries and fairness.I know it is really hard for people to do poly. One thing that many get hung up on is the not keeping every one in mind.  When I lived in the poly household, one of my clear signs that it might work was if that other person kept the women in the household on their mind.  Such as when they called did they ask about us or want to speak to us, did they try to form a relationship with each of us or just him,  or did they like to pretend we didn't exist.  Poly won't work if you don't take everyone into account and be very empathetic to what each person is going through.

"When people say I 'practice' polygamy, they've got it right: my efforts to live this lifestyle are contanst and ongoing. There are many religions that have practices aimed at deepening spiritual insights and expressing faith, such as fasting, saying the rosary, and making a pilgrimage.  That's what plural marriage is for me: a daily practice that focuses my attention on the highest ideals of my religion.  The benefits to me, in terms of spiritual and personal growth, joy and completeness, far outweigh the hard work and sacrifice it takes."


Poly is constant work.  The area of this quote I would change instead of saying it is "my highest ideals of my religion" - I would say it is the highest ideals of myself.

"We have the closeness of sisters and the comaraderie of friends. I love it when I head for the kitchen late at night for a taste of chocolate and find Vickie or Val there, spoon in hand and ready for conversation."

Yes. Oh yes.  The closeness goes beyond friendship to me...it is family but not in the sense of bio family. I mean my biological sisters don't know things about me that I have told sister slaves.  Some of my favorite memories of living in Ohio, where doing mundane things with the other women in the household. Bug sitting on the dryer folding clothes as I put the next load in - talking and laughing the whole time. Laur and I singing as we made dinner.  So many wonderful moments in the everyday living of life.  I want that again.


"Early on, I tried to assert my status as the husband to get my wives to do what I wanted, but playing the patriarchy card wasn't working for me. ... I realized I was trying to drive them, not lead them." 


Just liked that quote because with so many personalities sometimes I can see how "driving" might seem like the solution but it is quite the opposite because there are so many personalities - better to lead then to try to  force things to happen.


"That's something a lot of people miss when they look at this lifestyle: it requires a willingness to take personal responsibility and be accountable for yourself."  


Joe talks about how he can't carry 3 wives luggage through the airport.  And one of the wives talked about how she has some issues cropping up and she realized Joe couldn't fix it - can't fix everything - that she had to look at those issues and see why they were coming up and work on finding the solution.  It wasn't Joe's responsibility to help her with her issues - it was hers.  Throughout the book they all mention personal responsibility and I just feel that is something needed in all relationships just not poly. But with poly I can see how sometimes we have to take that responsibly because there are so many people in the household you can't put it on everyone else.

Joe and the wives mention that although they are taking personal responsibility - everything is easier because they have love and support from each other.

Overall, I liked the book.  Even though they come at poly from a religious standpoint...I still related to many things in the book.  The book starts out with them growing up, how they basically came into poly. That part I didn't relate too as they were all grew up around polygamy.  But the second half of the book is where they talk about their plural marriage and those are the parts I can relate too.  I hope their book does help give another perspective of polygamy - where they aren't on a compound and wearing prairie-garb.

They were on 20/20 a couple weeks ago. You can watch the episode online.

Here is a video clip I found from Our America with Lisa Ling about a young family.  I usually seem them mid-30 to 40's.

"Modern Polygamy: Spotlight on a Young Polygamist Family

Lisa visits Isaiah and his two wives to determine if what she sees in this young and modern families' daily lifestyle will change any of the preconceived notions we have about polygamy."

Love Times Three - Part 1

I am reading Love Times Three: Our True Story of a Polygamous Marriage by Joe, Alina, Vicki and Valerie Darger.

I first read about the book on Beliefnet.  NPR also had an interview. When NPR posted this on Facebook - reading the comments were interesting.  Everything from it is no ones business how they want to lead their lives to of course the predictable ones of these women are brainwashed and must have low self-esteem.

Although it is from the perspective of Independent Fundamentalist Mormons - I am relating to many things said in the book as someone who is poly too.  They also of course do say some things that have given me pause for thought.

The wives describe they went on a girls night out with a bunch of friends - some monogamous some not.  A monogamous friend was sharing some sexual details of her marriage and she asked if other women felt the same as her. She then turned to say okay now your turn to share. The 3 sister wives looked at each other and said no we don't do that. They don't share intimate details of their sex life with their husband - good or bad. They don't go on a date and then come home and gush about how good or how bad it was.  Those are between the husband and the wife.  But in the lifestyle I lead we are often very open with details (I mean I have been blogging details for 11 years)  so it is hard to stop things from coming out. I mean I will write on here the SM and sexual details and people we care about who are a possible 3rd to our family will read that.

I can see the benefit to not sharing but I think it would be hard because we are so open. Now...of course not all details are shared. But as I said if I write about it or do talk about an experience - how does that make someone feel?  When I was in the poly household and another girl shared something about her night with our Sir, I often just felt excitement - like a voyeuristic excitement. It also just made me feel good that that girl and him were having a good time.  When someone shared something sad, then it made me feel sad for them.  But over all I didn't feel jealous. At times envious of someone getting something I didn't and that is why the Darger wives don't say anything so one doesn't feel like they are being left out or not getting the same treatment. This way they all assume he is the same with each of them...that they each have unique aspects to their own relationship with him but that if he isn't have sex with them each time he sees them then he isn't having sex with the other wives each time he sees them.  So as I said I can see that benefit - just think it would be hard to not share.

It is something we have kind of run into too. Master was with someone really wanted privacy but Master is used to sharing so much with me. So it was hard for him to not share at times. He didn't feel the need to share every intimate detail but he did need to talk through some things and I have been his sounding board for almost 9 years so it isn't something he wants to turn off.  I get the need for some privacy but being open as we are...when things are effecting him - since I live with him they effect me. And the Darger's talk about that - that when one couple is having problems it is felt through the other 2 too. You can't turn that off with the other wife to me so I think it would be really hard not to talk about it - but according the Darger's book - the wives don't and Joe the husband doesn't share either. I am just not sure I agree with that. I mean I get some things are private but there is a point when privacy becomes mistrust of the others in the family.  Or at least that is how it comes across. If you are family can't you share with each other? I mean it seems like you should be able too. We want a family that is able to openly share with each other and not keep things compartmentalized so much that we end up feeling like acquaintances instead of family.

I am going to post this part and then do another post with some quotes from the book that I liked  in another post. 

Fat

Warning this is just a rambling of thoughts after taking a survey. They aren't really linked together. They are just thoughts I had while taking it.

I was filling out a survey that Hanne Blank is asking people to fill out for a seconf volume of her book Big Big Love: A Sourcebook on Sex for People of Size and Those Who Love Them. I read the first one AGES ago and used it but then lent it to a friend and you know the story - gone never to be seen again. Anyway the questions were not only for those that are big but those who have had big sexual partners.

The survey just brought up lots of random thoughts....and sharing a few of them....

* I once had an escort client be with me just because he had never been with a fat girl. After he was with me he said he didn't want to be with a fat girl again. He said to my face which I was thankful for because I knew he wouldn't trash me on the online forums - and ruin my reputation. He said the usual platitudes of "You have a pretty face - too bad you are fat." But he also liked that I did anal though and it is hard to find escorts that do anal - so eventually I heard from him again wanting to do anal. He booked me several more times just because I did anal. He eventually said that he liked I was fat as he didn't feel he needed to be gentle with me - he didn't feel I would break with rough sex. But he also added he would still never date a fat girl.

* I also once had a friend with benefits that only dated skinny women - mostly strippers. Yet we had great sex and we just had a lot of fun hanging out together but we weren't ever more then that - friends with benefits. I knew he would never be seen together dating because I was big. But I still enjoyed his company and the sex so I saw him. I had a girlfriend (girl who was not just a friend but someone I dated) - at the time that knew about him and asked me once why he and I didn't date as we talked on the phone a lot, we had sex and seemed to have great chemistry and I told her that he only dated thin girls and she was horrified that I had sex with someone like that.

He really liked strippers - just like some men like blondes and some women are attracted to only tall men. It is just preferences to me. My preferences tend to be geared towards personality things.

Oh and the same girlfriend ironically couldn't believe that I had dated people who weren't big. I have had girlfriends who wore size 0 jeans. I have had bigger partners and every other size in between. Size just isn't really an issue for me.

* I know often bigger people get upset when others say they aren't attracted to big people. And I understand - it hurts feelings. I have also seen some get upset about that yet do the same time and say they are only attracted to thin persons. I don't get that.

* I like fat/size acceptance but I don't like it when it becomes unbalanced. Such as often you will hear that a real woman has curves. I know many women who I consider beautiful and sexy and they don't have curves. A woman isn't just a woman because she has curves. I often don't join groups that are just for big people because of that. I want groups to be all inclusive to me.

* I have had dominant partners that have called me fat often - as humiliation. And it hurt emotionally but it turned me on.

* I was in a relationship with a dominant once where I was attracted to his dominance and thus that made him attractive to me. I really have to respond to someone's personality - just an aspect or overall personality to be attracted to them. So size really isn't an issue to me.

(I wrote this before I left on vacation but didn't get it posted - so posting now)

August Roundup

What’s been happening with the Domestic Servitude blog this past month? Here's a quick snapshot of our August posts.

Recipes:
Maple Cinnamon Oat Bread - This bread has amazing flavor. As it bakes the smell just floats throughout the house making everyone anxious for it to get out of the oven.

Creme Brulee French Toast - This is a great recipe when you want to make something just a little more special and different for breakfast/brunch. I often make this for holidays, birthdays and other celebrations. I have made it several time when I have hosted brunch. Served with some fresh fruit, sausage and mimosas.

Banana Layer Cake with Chocolate Frosting - I get in a rut of making just banana bread or banana muffins when I have banana that need to be used up. This recipe was a nice change. It was very moist and the flavor of it mixed with the chocolate frosting made it just delicious.

Links:
Feast on the Cheap - Jouet shares a great link for a blog about eating quality food but on the cheap. Great recipes and pictures.

Friday Favorites - 4 Friday Favorites for August - I have links for everything recipes, crafts, decorating, cleaning and just things to help your service.

Houseworks Holiday Plan - yes in August - I have been to this site that Jouet shared quite a bit. It is a good resource for getting geared up for the holidays.


Book Reviews:
Martha Stewart's Cooking School - I was truly surprised how much I liked this book. It has great step by step instructions as well as photos to go with it. Really good resource.

The Gourmet Slow-Cooker - Want to take use your slow cooker but take it out of the traditional recipes you find? Then this is the book you want to check out.

Special Interest/Assorted/Random posts:
A Service Book of Days - This idea is a great way to assess where your service is at and going as well as give you focus.

Denture Tablets for Cleaning a Crystal Vase - I worked. And I have pictures on this post to prove it.

Menu - This week and Next - 2 weeks worth of menus

Powdered Buttermilk - a review of a product I have in my kitchen always.

I don't hate my life

I just finished The Reunion - again. And this time I have a ton of little flags sticking out. Usually when I read a book - the first time I just read it. And if it is a book I read the second time then I stop to put flags in bits and pieces I want to remember. And this quote it one of those that I flagged.

Robin discussing her life in service to Chris Parker on the plane to Ireland....

"It was everything you said, everything you wrote, about the balance between owner and owned, the sense of knowing your place in the world and the strength that comes from that. Oh, I guess there were some days when I hated the workload, or I was just exhausted - but I never hated my life."

The Reunion

Taking a little lunch break and reading The Reunion by Laura Antoniou again. You know that beloved t-shirt that just makes you feel good just by slipping it on. That is how I feel reading The Reunion. There is something comfortable and familiar about it that makes me not want to put it down. I think I have to say it is my favorite in the series. But of course I love them all.

A New Man

Just a daily update of life. I haven't done one of these in a very long time. But in reading my archives I did this a lot back in the day....so will try to get back into it every so often....

* I always forget how much I like season 4 of Buffy. I am not a fan of Riley but I like the majority of episodes of season 4.

* I just tried HeadOn for the first time. They had little tubes at Dollar Tree. I have wanted to try it but well thought $8 something that might not work seemed too much. I know silly when I suffer so many migraines - anything should be worth it. But sometimes I am not logical lol :) So anyway I tried it tonight and it is working pretty good. Not taking the pain completely away but relieving it quite a bit. Edit: As soon as it wears off the pain is back so it just masks it - which I kind of figured. At least it gave some relief for a bit. I actually think for traveling when I don't always have access to an ice pack it would be a good substitute.

* I have had a migraine cycle that has lasted over a week. Grrrr! (adding this link so I remember it...I found it tonight when doing that search for headon - http://www.migrainedaily.com/)

* Is there anything better then a purple sharpie? :)

* I am going out of town for 2 weeks in July to see my family. I have been making things slowly and putting them away in the freezer for quick meals for Master. Sloppy Joe Skillet, meatloaf, browned hamburger and something else I am not remembering at the moment. Tomorrow I will be making up some burgers, some enchiladas for dinner tomorrow and will freeze the rest in smaller batches for him and then grill some marinated chicken breasts so he can just thaw and warm up for pasta or salads. I have started an instructions list too. I will need to make sure I makeup another batch of breakfast burritos before I leave too. And maybe a couple loaves of bread.

* We have a friend coming to stay the first weekend in July. Master is going to a conference and on his way back will pick her up. I am really looking forward to being hostess! I am starting to make menus. I know for sure I will be making Creme Brulee French Toast - and this time I will take pictures so I can post on the domestic blog the process.

* I think I would like to make this for my Mom. My parents dine outside on their deck and entertain out there too so I think it would be a good gift for her.

* Trying to think of some small gift for my Dad and my sisters. I actually do have one for one of my sisters - a book and some little rubber stamps so she can make the clothes pin magnets I made at Christmas. She always says she is not creative and can't do things like that. I am going to show her that she can do them. (will unlock that entry for a bit)

* Currently Reading: Sacred Contracts: Awakening Your Divine Potential by Caroline Myss, The American Woman's Home by Catherine Beecher, The Flavor Bible: The Essential Guide to Culinary Creativity, Based on the Wisdom of America's Most Imaginative Chefs by Karen Page, Kitty and the Dead Man's Hand (Kitty Norville, Book 5) by Carrie Vaughn and A Homemade Life: Stories and Recipes from My Kitchen Table by Molly Wizenberg (Her blog is Orangette)

* So far this year I have read 80 books. I will maybe do a list of them soon. I did put a review up of one at domestic blog yesterday.

* Another reminder - I have mail love to go out.

* Added this to my daily reads - http://www.thelostprincess.com/

* Coldplay is offering free download of several songs - http://www.coldplay.com/



** A New Man is the title of the Buffy episode I was watching while writing this entry.

Vote for Laura Antoniou!

Vote for The Marketplace Series by Laura Antoniou. I did!

http://poll.moomers.org/

March Questions: 3 Random Questions

What's your single most favorite book quote of all time. I can't narrow it down to one quote. I am quote whore.

"He knew one of the women well, and had shared his universe with her. They had seen the same mountains, and the same trees, although each of them had seem them differently. She knew his weaknesses, his moments of hatred, of despair. Yet she was there at his side. They shared the same universe." ~ Paulo Coelho, The Valkyries

Try to find pleasure in the speed that you're not used to. Changing the way you do routine things allows a new person to grow inside of you. But when all is said and done, you're the one who must decide how you handle it." -- From Paulo Coelho's book The Pilgrimage

"There is a theory that if you yearn sincerely enough for a Guru, you will find one. The universe will shift, destiny's molecules will get themselves organized and your path will soon intersect with the path of the master you need." From Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert

"It's an essential part of training to provoke strong emotions. But as you know, one mark of a good slave is the ability to let the anger go and continue working, continue serving, continue offering respect and deference. Now, if the anger and shame and hurt can then change to love or affection or lust -- well, that's our mark as a sadomasochist, isn't it?" From The Reunion by Laura Antoniou

If you could re-enact the perfect movie scene with anyone (alive, celebrity, famous, or not - whoever) what scene would that be and why. Well we are movie buffs. I love movies. They are a great escape and entertainment. But I have to say a movie came to mind when I read this question - Gone with the Wind. I think a couple scenes with Rhett Butler that would be fun to re-enact. Why? Because I love Rhett's arrogance.

Name a celebrity you wish was in the lifestyle. Gerard Butler - and I would love to see him at an event in full Phantom costume with a single tail creating slashes across the back of a damsel in distress.

Quote from Eat Pray Love

"There is a theory that if you yearn sincerely enough for a Guru, you will find one. The universe will shift, destiny's molecules will get themselves organized and your path will soon intersect with the path of the master you need." From Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert

menage a trois quote

From Kink by Kathe Koja: "And although it seems assumed that a menage a trois means, is non-stop fucking, still for us that definition lost all boundaries, failed to contain us because for us it was contained, subsumed in that greater bond; call it instead a kind of marriage, and if sex is the heart of any marriage still it is not the whole: we are the whole."

Power Exchange Books

I have been meaning to write about this for a while...

Over a year and half ago I was asked by slave lara the group founder/leader of the elist group Art of Slavery to write an article for Power Exchange Books.

The book has been out for a while but I just hadn't gotten around to pimping it....

You can order the book from the Power Exchange Book link above or my amazon bookstore.

Just a picture of the title and my name in the book...


It seemed so odd to see it - actually have it in my hands and turn to the page with my essay and my name on it.

Oh and just to let you know a few other titles by other contributers...
The Art of Obedience, A Slave of Strength, Serving a Master with Clay Feet, The Art of Transparency...and several more.

BDSM book meme

Same rules apply...

1) Look at the list and bold those you have read.
2) Italicize those you intend to read.
3) Underline the books you LOVE.
4) Reprint this list in your own LJ/blog if you like

1. Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns: The Romance and Sexual Sorcery of Sadomasochism by Philip Miller
2. The Ethical Slut: Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities by Dossie Easton
3. Story of O, The by Pauline Reage
4. SM 101: A Realistic Introduction by Jay Wiseman
5. The Mistress Manual: A Good Girl's Guide to Female Dominance (Erotic) by Lorelei
6. Two Knotty Boys Showing You the Ropes: A Step-By-Step, Illustrated Guide for Tying Sensual and Decorative Rope Bondage: A Step-by-step, Illustrated Guide to Tying Sensual and Decorative Rope Bondage by Two Knotty Boys
7. Story of O by Pauline Reage - This is a dupe!!
8. Burlesque and the Art of the Teese / Fetish and the Art of the Teese by Dita Von Teese
9. Shibari You Can Use: Japanese Rope Bondage and Erotic Macrame by Lee "Bridgett" Harrington
10. Marketplace, the: Book One (Marketplace (Mystic Rose)) by Laura Antoniou
11. Different Loving: A Complete Exploration of the World of Sexual Dominance and Submission by Gloria G Brame
12. The New Bottoming Book by Dossie Easton
13. The Art of Sensual Female Dominance by Claudia Varrin
14. Erotic Bondage Handbook by Jay Wiseman
15. The Sexually Dominant Woman: A Workbook for Nervous Beginners by Lady Green
16. The Master's Manual: Handbook of Erotic Dominance by Jack Rinella
17. The Reunion (Marketplace) by Laura Antoniou
18. Alazar's Book of Bondage: v. 1by Alazar
19. Bondage for Sex: v. 1 by Chanta Rose
20. Trainer, the: Marketplace Book Three (Marketplace (Mystic Rose)) by Laura Antoniou
21. "Justine", "Philosophy in the Bedroom" and Other Writings by Marquis de Sade
22. Academy, the: Tales of the Marketplace (Marketplace (Mystic Rose)) by Laura Antoniou
23. Alazar's Book of Bondage: v. 2 by Alazar
24. The Seductive Art of Japanese Bondage by Midori
25. The Pleasures All Mine: A Sexual Memoir of a Submissive by Joan Kelly
26. Woof!: Perspectives Into the Erotic Care and Training of the Human Dog by Michael Daniels
27. Come Hither: A Commonsense Guide to Kinky Sex by Gloria Brame
28. Sex Tips from a Dominatrix by Pamela Pierce
29. Flogging by Joseph Bean
30. Diary of an S&M Romance by Dollie Llama
31. Female Domination by Elise Sutton
32. The FemDom Experience by Elise Sutton
33. Female Submission: The Journals of Madelaine by Claudia Varrin
34. The Toybag Guide to Erotic Knifeplay (Toybag Guide) by Miranda Austin
35. How to Be a Dominant Diva by Georgia Payne
36. Fetish Sex: An Erotic Guide for Couples by Violet Blue
37. Mr. Benson by John Preston
38. Playing With Pain: Stories from My Life in Leather (Boner Books) by Hardy Haberman
39. Family Jewels: A Guide to Male Genital Play and Torment by Hardy Haberman
40. The New Topping Book by Dossie Easton
41. MORE FAMILY JEWELS (Boner Books) by Hardy Haberman
42. Partners in Power: Living in Kinky Relationships by Jack Rinella
43. Mummification: Down at the End of Bondage Street with DVD (S/M Tech) by Joseph W. Bean
44. Protocols: Handbook for the Female Slave by Robert J. Rubel
45. Consensual Spanking: An Essential Guide to Adult Spanking Games and Techniques by Jules Markham
46. Painfully Obvious: An Irreverent and Unauthorized Manual for Leather/SM by Robert Davolt
47. The Fetish Fact Book by Paul Scott
48. F**k Fashion by Ben Westwood
49. The Kinky Girl's Guide to Dating by Luna Grey
50. Beauty and Submission by Maria Isabel Pita
51. Histoire d'O / Retour à Roissy by Pauline Réage
52. The Better Built Bondage Book: A Complete Guide to Making Your Own Sex Toys, Furniture and BDSM Equipment by Douglas Kent
53. Rope Bondage: Precision and Persuasion with Rope with DVD (S/M Tech): Precision and Persuasion with Rope (Dem-lab Presents S/M Tech)by Scott Smith
54. Master/Slave Relations: Handbook of Theory and Practice by Robert J. Rubel
55. My Private Life: Real Life Experiences of a Dominant Woman by Mistress Nan
56. The Loving Dominant by John Warren
57. Sensuous Magic: A Guide for Adventurous Couples by Patrick Califia-Rice
58. The Compleat Slave: Creating and Living an Erotic Dominant/Submissive Lifestyle [Complete]: Creating and Living an Erotic Dominant/Submissive Lifestyle by Jack Rinella
59. A Hand in the Bush: the Fine Art of Vaginal Fisting by Deborah Addington
60. Play Piercing by Deborah Addington
61. Flames of Passion: Handbook of Erotic Fire Play by David Walker
62. Erotic Slavehood: A Miss Abernathy Omnibus by Christina Abernathy
63. Look into My Eyes: How to Use Hypnosis to Bring Out the Best in Your Sex Life by Peter Masters
64. The Toybag Guide to Hot Wax & Temperature Play (Toybag Guide) by Spectrum
65. Dances with Werewolves (Memoirs of a Spanking Model) by Niki Flynn
66. The Ultimate Guide to Strap-on Sex: The Complete Resource for Women and Men by Karlyn Lotney
67. Venus in Furs (Penguin Classics) by Leopold Von Sacher-Masoch
68. Slavecraft: Roadmaps for Erotic Servitude by Guy Baldwin
69. The Real Bettie Page: The Truth About the Queen of Pinups by Richard Foster
70. The Toybag Guide to Dungeon Emergencies & Supplies (Toybag Guide) by Jay Wiseman
71. Intimate Invasions: The Erotic Ins & Outs of Enema Play by M.R. Strict
72. Becoming a Slave: The Theory and Practice of Voluntary Servitude by Jack Rinella
73. The Leatherman's Handbook by Larry Townsend
74. The Toybag Guide to Clips & Clamps (Toybag Guide) by Jack Rinella
75. The Toybag Guide to Canes & Caning (Toybag Guide) by Janet W. Hardy
76. Latex and Nudes by James
77. Betty Page Confidential by Bunny Yeager
78. Erotic Bondage: Art of Rope by Edward Lee
79. Radical Ecstasy by Dossie Easton
80. Philosophy in the Boudoir (Penguin Classics) by Marquis De Sade D.A.F.
81. Wild Side Sex: the Book of Kink: Educational, Sensual and Entertaining Essays by Midori
82. When Someone You Love Is Kinky by Dossie Easton
83. Beauty of Fetish, The by Steve Diet Goedde
84. To Love, to Obey, to Serve by V. M Johnson
85. The Toybag Guide to Medical Play (Toybag) by Tempest
86. Slave, the: Marketplace Book Two (Marketplace (Mystic Rose)) by Laura Antoniou
87. Protocol Handbook for the Leather Slave: Theory and Practice by Robert J. Rubel
88. Compleat Spanker (Complete & Spanking) by Lady Green
89. The Art of Spanking by Jacques Enard
90. Fetish 101: Celebrate Your Fantasies by Peter Czemich
91. Ask Larry by Larry Townsend
92. Asia Bondage by Steven Speliotis
93. Return to the Chateau by Pauline Reage
94. Manual Creation: Defining the Structure of an M/S Household by Machele Kindle
95. Consensual Sadomasochism: How to Talk About It and How to Do It Safely by Bill Henkin
96. The Path of Service: Guideposts for Excellence (S/M Tech Educational) by Christina Parker
97. Soaked: A Watersports Handbook for Men (Boner Books)by Joseph W. Bean
98. The Female Dominant: Games She Plays by Claudia Varrin
99. The Control Book by Peter Masters
100. Ties That Bind: The S/M/Leather/Fetish Erotic Style by Guy Baldwin
101. The Catalyst by Laura Antoniou
Adding a new book that I want to read....102. The Forked Tongue by Flagg

March Q &A: Website/Book

What website and/or book helped you when you were first starting out in the lifestyle?

Well as I mentioned in this other post when I first knew there was a name for what I felt and did -- I was on AOL. And although I don't have anything against AOL (except from a geeky stand point of that AOL gets into every part of your computer). I just feel it was the wrong place for me to be as the chats and bulletin boards that I ended up on had lots of group think type qualities and anyone that didn't fit that well they weren't "real" or doing it "right." Although I read a well known website back then -- it to me gives a more hearts and flowers look at D/s. Where kneeling at your Dominants feet will make everything better. And well that just isn't the case for me. I don't think it gave a clear look at the realities of living as a slave. And maybe nothing could capture that truly. I mean you don't believe until you live it - I think.

Anyway, it wasn't until I found Internal Enslavement and also a group on onelist (now yahoogroups) that was ran by J. Mikael Togneri that I truly felt something that spoke to me. And helped me hash out my thoughts and ideas of what I wanted and needed -- on this path.


Books...well books on Buddhism have helped me more then any lifestyle books. Because it helped me learn to meditate and calm myself. It helped in letting go and being just more aware of life. (More on Buddhism and slavery though for another Q&A post.)

The Marketplace series although fiction I think really captured many feelings I have went through and felt in my slavery. It helped my service also because it gave me ideas of what I could do to further my "value" as a slave.

Home Comforts by Cheryl Mendelson (link on side bar to it on amazon) also invaluable for any domestic slave. A review of it on our websites here.


Please remember you can still ask questions here! Or over on my LJ.