Friday, February 27, 2009

Fetish

I have a cold so not online much except for work. But I thought I would at least post my edited response to a question on FetLife about having a genuine fetish and serving that fetish. Edited to make sense without the actual questions here.

I had never met someone who fit the dictionary definition of having a fetish until Master. Emotionally I can let myself get really stressed out about that he likes the fetish and not me. But I try not to go there and I know when he thinks of the fetishes he thinks of me with them. And he is doing it to me so that helps me not spiral out with negative thoughts. And he is really good about giving me reassurances also that he is attracted to me.

I am lucky that in serving that fetish I don't get burnt out from it. Or need a break from it because he has several fetishes. He has to have at least one of those the fetishes in play to get him to orgasm but he can at least mix it up between them. And he adds and changes things up sometimes but always includes one or more of the fetishes with it.

I have problems with a couple of Master's fetishes. It is something we work with at times. But another fetish he really was great on getting me to like it and now it even is something I crave and get turned on just thinking about it. And that is hoods. He really just slowly worked me up to wearing a full hood. Started me with an open face one and then kept moving up and more time in them to finally get to the point of craving them and being turned on by them.

I mentioned to Master the thread last night and asked him about a post he had started on it and if he had ever posted it. He hadn't so he finished that up and posted it today. So check out Master's post on having fetishes.

Friday, February 20, 2009

Happiness is....

Tonight I was making dinner and I heard Master on the phone with someone he has known a long time but now that we are moving in the poly direction is someone who could possibly be a good fit. Anyway, he was very happy on the phone and I could hear him flirt every once in a while - the tone in his voice just gives it away for me. It made me all happy inside just hearing it. I mean warm gooey feelings that were welling up inside me that I couldn't contain it. So I stopped what I was doing and ran into twitter about it. Yes twitter. I just wanted to get one little thing out so I could capture that warm feeling...I typed on twitter: "Happiness is listening to M flirt with another girl on the phone."

Master saw me rush past his office so beeped me on IM to see if I was okay. I replied yes and to check out twitter to see why I rushed past his office. And of course after reading it, he couldn't wait to embarrass me about it. He called me in to his office and made me stand there while he explained to the girl he was on the phone with what I had done. When I tried to move or hide he would make me stop. I was turning about a million shades of red and wanted to hide. But Master was having too much fun watching me squirm. And it in turn made her blush too. So he had both of us right where he wanted us.

So yes happiness is hearing Master on the phone flirting.

Just a few random things

...because I am up at 6:30am - I haven't slept yet. Insomnia sucks!

* The other night I was looking at photos of Master. Just vanilla photos to help him pick one out for a profile. And I got so turned on I went into his office and asked if I could give him a blow job. I just felt such a strong desire. He was working but willing to stop for me. I love that it just happened by looking at photos of him. Just everyday photos - looking all handsome and sexy. It ended up being one of those porn star type blow jobs that went on for a long time and I just enjoyed worshiping his cock. Yummy!


* MSNBC: I have two husbands: A polygamist’s diary

* ABC: Kinky Sex Is on the Rise, Therapists Say

Thursday, February 19, 2009

His word is final

A thread I read on FetLife yesterday got deleted before I could answer it (due to name calling I am assuming.) My answer was going to be seek another dominant - someone better suited to your "needs." The topic of the thread was basically a slave describing a scenario where she wanted the answer of that her Master was bad for not putting her needs before his wants. I am going to use a different example then one given in the thread but it on the same lines. The slave isn't allowed to sit on the couch. And she comes home and asked permission to sit on the couch because she has had a long day and is tired and her knees and feet hurt and so on and so forth. And the Master says no. So she comes tumbling in the next night and just sits on the couch. She forgets she isn't suppose too because she is just in so much pain and uncomfortable. So the Master then was upset at her for disobeying, but she feels that is unfair because Master should take better care of her.

Now I am totally for slaves expressing their feelings, wants, needs, opinions and what not. But if I have expressed myself and Master says no or whatever that goes against what I was wanting - then my duty as a slave is to obey. In becoming his, I knew the deal and if I didn't want that - I know where the door is at. That doesn't make him insensitive to my feelings, wants or whatever. It doesn't mean he doesn't care for my well-being. Because usually logically whatever he is saying no to - I don't need. And when I can back up and look at it logically without the emotional attachment to it - I can see it more clearly that he was right. And if I look at my over-all life with Master there is times he has switched orders to accommodate my discomfort - such as with my reoccurring migraines. So he does put my health before his needs/wants more often then I wish he had too.

Even if I really have a strong convictions about something - even not being able to sit on the couch after a long day there might be other options to help in the situation. I mean maybe take a bath to help relax those muscles, sit on a mound of pillows and in the real scenario that was presented there were quite a few options instead of disobeying.

I guess for me it comes down to - either I want to be a slave or I don't. And if I do want to be a slave - I obey. Again it doesn't mean I can't express my feelings, wants, needs and so on. It just means he has the final say.

Saturday, February 14, 2009

Responsibility

So there is a thread on FetLife (how often do I say that now) about taking care of Master's property - so taking care of self as Master property. Anyway has turned into basically the Master "taking care and responsibility" for the slave daily functioning - sleep, bathing and meds.

There was one "Master" that stated all the work he did to go into the care and responsibility for slave down to telling her when to bath and logging in a book when she urinated and had bowel movements.

As most of the replies have said...WOW is she an adult?

I don't need Master to tell me when to clean myself, do dishes or take my meds. Yes at times I forget my meds and he will ask if I took them but he doesn't daily. And he doesn't stop what he is doing to ask. He also sometime has to order me to bed when I am pushing msyelf when I have a migraine. But again that isn't because he watches over everything I do. He will just see that I am in that mindset that I will keep going because my desire to to serve and just to get things done outweighs my thoughts of going to bed.

I think many times submissive types dream of not having responsibility for anything - to be told what to do so it frees them from responsibilities. But all relationships have personal responsibility. Even D/s type relationships. When I was in the poly household, there was one girl who entered the household and wouldn't do any chores until she was told by him. Because she felt our Master would order her if he wanted her to do something. I often said then "how do you go to the bathroom or get on the computer and sit your ass there all day long without him telling you?" But of course she didn't see it as the same. He eventually told her that if I told her to do something it was like an order from him and that was the only way I got her to do any chores. About 3 months into our relationship she finally got our version of M/s and from there we had a great relationship and fun.

Anyway as I said above I don't need to be told when to take a bath or when to go do a load of laundry or do dishes or any of the daily responsibilities I have in living life. I don't have a problem with those who like to/like to be micro-managed. Really Master has a slight fetish for it. But what the person described in the thread was well beyond most micro-managed relationships I have seen. As kaya so aptly said in the thread who is the slave in the scenario. And that is exactly how I feel because who is serving who? My life is to take care of Master - enhance his life and make sure stuff is done so he doesn't have to worry about it. If he had to tell me when to bath, when to eat, what to make, how to make it, when to sleep, what to do next throughout the whole day - he wouldn't get a damn thing done. And in turn I would be greatly unsatisfied in the relationship because I like to serve and enhance Master's life.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

New Chapter...

Poly is one of those things that has just always felt natural to me. As a little girl I drew floor plans for houses that had more then one bedroom for the "wives." I don't know where I got idea that a person could have more than one wife as I was never exposed to anything like it. I would dream up stories to go along with the floor plans - dream of stories of the people that lived there. And it was always good feelings of cooking together with other co-wives and laughing. Just lots of love and laughter in the house. So when I was exposed to poly within the BDSM community - I really didn't blink or think twice about it being right for me. Because I knew it was right for me.

So as I have written about before I was part of a poly household and I had many good times but I also had many bad times. Things weren't always handled very well. When I moved here with Master, he knew of my poly nature and although he had never explored it - poly appealed to him. But he also knew although I am poly, I wasn't ready to be actively in a poly relationship - at least for a while. He also is a firm believer in establishing and creating a solid foundation in one relationship at a time. So he wanted us to a certain point in our relationship before ever even started discussing or moving towards poly.

I feel very secure in our relationship. I love Master. I am happy to serve him and be his property. I feel we accomplished a lot of what we wanted to in our relationship. Not to say we aren't still growing and don't have places to go in it - we do. But we aren't lacking in our relationship. It is really good. And we are just really happy in our relationship. So recently in crept thoughts of Master with another woman - I had those thoughts before but it was different this time. The thoughts continued seeing another serve him and seeing another with us. From kinky thoughts to very vanilla thoughts of grocery shopping together as a family. I have had many fantasies through the years but I realized several months ago there was a shift in me that made me think of poly now - actually as a part of our reality. I just kept the thoughts to myself as mulled them over - thought about how I felt about my past poly relationships and although I don't feel I am totally past some of the issues, I was able to work through a lot of them. I know Master wanted to kind of wait to see if that happened - to see if my feelings about poly shifted a little as I was pretty bitter about it when we first got involved. But now I was seriously giving thought to Master having a possible play partner or even us finding someone who would live with us. Just like the stories I made up as a little girl of sharing time with other wives in the kitchen some of my favorite memories from the poly household is of doing chores with the other slaves.

So several nights ago - I brought it up to Master. He has never done poly and really his main concern is that the poly relationships he observed - they seem damage the relationship. And he doesn't want our relationship damaged at all. So there are many conversation going on - and will continue to go on. He has heard many of the bad experiences I have had (he heard the good things too). So we discussed some of those bad experiences again and how to not repeat those. But most of it is common sense such as having safe sex (that wasn't always the case in my past poly relationships unfortunately.)

And so we are beginning a new chapter of our path together as Master is going to begin pursue other relationships in addition to what we share together - and maybe someday with someone else if it happens to work out that way. This is going to be a slow process as we continue to communicate with each other and see where it takes us. We know it won't happen over night. But if you happen to notice that he/we are starting by changing profiles - you now know why.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Pain and Sex

This morning Master woke me up with pain. My cunt was pretty much on fire by time we had to get our day on the way. Master clawed at my cunt. He would grabbed in his hand and squeeze and pull on it. And then claw at it. Raking and digging his fingers nails into the tender flesh over and over and over. I was screaming from the pain but of course as he whispered in my ear my body was betraying me - as I was sopping wet. And of course I had several orgasms. He didn't touch me tenderly at all this morning. It was just pain. Usually we do a mixture of orgasms - from pleasure and from pain. But this morning was just pain. And my cunt still hurts this evening as I sit here and type this. Isn't that great? Well I think it is great.

TMI Tuesday

1. What do you think is the un-sexiest part of the body? It is toes and feet for me.

2. Toilet paper: over, under, or what the hell are you talking about? Over...and it really bothers me when others don't have it over. It is suppose to go over!

3. Have you ever called in sick to stay in bed with a sexual partner? yes - Master did this before having his own business - so now we still play hookie but make it up with working in the evening or longer the next day.

4. Did your parents have a “birds & bees” talk with you? If so, at what age? No not really - my Mom gave me the menstrual cycle talk which touched of course on the birds and bees but she didn't get very much into it.

5. What is one thing a someone could do to you to rock your world?
As kaya answered - I too have my world rocked pretty frequently. Our latest discussions which I will be posting about soon - will rock my world I am sure too.

Bonus (as in optional):What does sex mean to you? pleasure and pain, connection

Monday, February 09, 2009

Punishing a Masochist

So another punishment question from FetLife...

As a masochist do you enjoy punishments?/Can you punish a masochist with pain?

Again we don't do punishment we do discipline so putting it in those terms. And really Master hasn't had to discipline me in a long time. Every once in a while I will get the look that says I am pushing a line but that is about it.

So on to the topic....for me as a masochist when Master has given me a physical form of discipline, I don't enjoy it. That is not to say my body doesn't react to it. I get wet. But my mind and emotions don't follow. It upsets me that I have displeased him and that I am doing something wrong so I don't enjoy the pain. I know and feel the difference between pain in sex or SM play and discipline. He can even use things that I enjoy as discipline and it doesn't affect how I enjoy it in our SM play and sex. Such as I loved to be slapped - we almost always have slapping involved in our sex. But I have gotten slapped as form of correction too - and that didn't turn me on. Again my body might have reacted to it by getting wet. But my emotions after were of sadness for displeasing him. I can feel the difference between slapping during sex and slapping because I did something wrong.

There are things in this lifestyle I have a love hate relationship with such as canes. I don't like the pain from them - it hurts but at the same time that pain that hurts me turns me on - it makes me wet but it also takes my mind and emotions to places that make me a gooey puddle. Humiliation same thing - I can get really pissed off or feel broken down with it but those feelings turn me on emotionally, mentally and physically.

Discipline doesn't do that for me. I don't want to displease Master. I don't want to do things wrong (something I have a problem with - I don't like to do something wrong). So although my body reacts to the pain brought with discipline the mind doesn't get turned on like it does with SM. I don't get the same gooey feelings from discipline that I do with canes or humiliation. It just hurts and upsets me that I have upset him/displeased him. It just feels different.

So for us yes, he can use pain even though I am a masochist. And yes I understand that it isn't the same for all masochists.

Saturday, February 07, 2009

Punishment - Again...

There are several punishment posts going on over at FetLife so going to do a few posts on the subject by paraphrasing the questions.

Do you use punishment in your relationship?

I know I have said several times Master doesn't do punishment in our relationship. For us punishment is for disobedience and I am not allowed to disobey. As his property I do what he tells me. If I am doing something he doesn't like or wants me to do something different, he tells me. If I keep messing up, he would sit me down and ask about what is going on, maybe help me find a solution to correct it and then give me a lecture. If he feels the need for a physical form of correction, it is my hair being pulled while being lectured or a slap or several across the face. But Master doesn't do punishment because he believes if he needs to actually punish me for disobedience then something has seriously has gone wrong in the fundamental structure of our dynamic. He believes if I disobey then there were problems coming long before that he/we missed so it really isn't a time for punishment but a time to talk and think about if we can fix the problems or is it time to step away from the relationship.

When we first were together, I think we both thought we wanted a punishment type relationship. In the stories the slave screws up and the Master punishes her and it is often hot. We got turned on reading them and thought that is what we wanted. But we of course knew that isn't really how punishment was in a relationship - it wasn't hot. It hurts me and bothers me to displease him. And he really didn't like to punish me. It annoyed him that he had to it. But we were still finding our away around the dynamic so I think punishment came from reactance to the dynamic too. I don't think just the slave reacts to the dynamic - I think the Master does too. It was reacting to who we were with each other in this dynamic. I think we fought against what we really were together. Because we were trying to be the fantasy instead of us naturally together. But then fairly quickly we realized it didn't work for us. It caused more disruption then peace. And after coming together - finding our balance is when we realized that punishment didn't work for us and why would we have a need for it when I am expected to obey.

I don't disobey because it doesn't make sense to me. I am a slave and property so it is either obey or hit the road to me. If I don't want to be a slave, then I shouldn't be in this relationship. That all said I don't always like what he wants me to do. I don't always do it gracefully. And even at times I ask why - just because I am curious. Such as if he were to come in here and say "go get shoes on." I would probably ask why - while I am getting up to head to get my shoes on because I am curious. And sometimes he will tell me and sometimes he won't. I am sometimes too curious. But it isn't that I am questioning his decision though I am sure some would say that I am. Anyway, I know my motivation and he understands it so that is all that matters. And really that as always is what this is about - doing what is right for your relationship. If punishment works for you, if you feel you need it and do better with then - then by all means GO FOR IT! It just doesn't work for us. And I am glad we figured that out early on.

Thursday, February 05, 2009

Call to Action for Winter Wickedness

This is an event in Ohio that I just wanted to pass on this important information...

Action Alert - Winter Wickedness
Support the Holiday Inn - Worthington, OH! February 4, 2009


Please make a phone call now to support the Holiday Inn Worthington, the host hotel for Adventures In Sexuality's (AIS) Winter Wickedness Event taking place February 6-8th. The religious extremist group, Americans for Truth About Homosexuality, along with a local religious radio station in the Columbus, Ohio, area are running a smear campaign against this pansexual BDSM event.

Peter LaBarbara of Americans for Truth About Homosexuality calls the event "a freakish sadomasochistic perversion-fest" and urges people to call the hotel's corporate headquarters to pressure them into canceling "for the sake of decency and public health."

Bob Burney, a religious extremist Talk Radio DJ, devoted an entire segment of his show slamming Winter Wickedness and attempting to link the event with non-consensual and criminal activities. He urged his listeners to call and mount a campaign against the hotel. (Tuesday, Part 3 starting at 10 min 42sec: ) Click here to listen.It will only take a minute for you to help! It doesn't matter where you live or if you're not going to attend this event. Please call the Intercontinental Hotels Group Corporate Customer service line at 800- 621-0555, then press option 1, then option 5, and thank them for not discriminating against groups, and for being willing to face minor adversity for the sake of our freedom.

You can also call the Holiday Inn Columbus-Worthington today at 614-436-0700 - they'll be very glad to hear a friendly voice to counter the hatred of the religious extremists.

Suggested points to make:
1. Thank you for upholding the Fair Accommodations Act and choosing not to discriminate against legal events.
2. Please don't let a small number of religious extremists manipulate you by drumming up fear with their misinformation campaigns.
3. There are over 200 weekend-long BDSM events that take place every year in America – we bring in a lot of revenue in these hard times. We like to stay at hotel chains where we have been welcomed when we're traveling on personal or business travel.
4. Organizers of BDSM events such as Winter Wickedness at The Holiday Inn comply with state and local laws prohibiting public sexual intercourse and other forms of sexual intimacy. Demonstrations, lectures and discussion groups as well as dinners and evening parties compose the variety of offerings to guests, nothing different from any of the other hundreds of conventions hosted by your franchisees on a weekly basis.
5. Thank you for standing strong against hate and ignorance.

Please pass this on to your friends to call now!

Wednesday, February 04, 2009

Quote from Eat Pray Love

"There is a theory that if you yearn sincerely enough for a Guru, you will find one. The universe will shift, destiny's molecules will get themselves organized and your path will soon intersect with the path of the master you need." From Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert

Tuesday, February 03, 2009

Kinky Christmas Stocking from FetLife

FetLife gave away some amazing Kinky Christmas Stockings. The advertisers were contacted to donate items for 40 stockings - each greeter and caretaker got one and then they gave away the rest to FetLife members. Greeters and caretakers received them as a thank you for the work they put into FetLife. So as a greeter I got one - and WOW what an amazing gift! Thank you to John, Catalina and the business that donated to the kinky Christmas stockings! Thank you Thank you!

So the stocking includes everything from subscriptions to pay sites to sex toys to condoms.



So kind of starting at the top and working my way around...
New York City Sexbloggers Calendar 2009 - "We strive to reduce the stigma faced by sex workers and increase understanding of the challenges faced by sex workers on both personal and human rights scales." So as a former sex worker - I find that a good thing.

The Zeus Electrogasm from ExtremeRestraints

Natural hemp rope and chopstick clamps from Boss Bondage

Custom dyed rope from Ms. Nikki Nefarious

Beautiful print of Beach Bound by fetish photographer Lochai

Lesbian BDSM from whippedass.com/kink.com - yay! over 3 hours of lesbian bdsm porn!

Purple climax vibrator is from VibeReview

Wartenberg Pin Wheel from Medical Toys - I think we already have one - not my favorite toy

20 Lifestyles condoms - We don't need them as we were fluid bonded and also I am allergic to latex condoms.

Bullet Vibrator from Bondage Fetish Store

Tantus Silcone Goddess Vibrating Dildo from Dungeon Discounters - which I have always wanted a Tantus as I am allergic to latex and heard good things about Tantus silcone.

A card from John and Catalina that has an image on it from a member of FetLife

The World’s Best Blindfold by Scott Paul Designs - Which from just the very brief time I had it on - I am going to agree with it's name as it doesn't smush your eyes/eyelids. You can open your eyes with it on but you can't see out of it.

A Leather Belt Accessory Clip from Sinvention

Brown little toy case from For Your Nymphomation

Graves Speculum from Dr. Clockwork - a really good quality speculum - something else we already have - Master gave it to me for Valentine's Day several years ago.

Not pictured: a Round Triskele-Symbol Sticker from RogerMeToo (it was buried in packing peanuts so missed it for the photo), coupons and 6 month paid subscriptions to Into the Attic and Back Door Bondage

Monday, February 02, 2009

Super Bowl interrupted by Porn

"A Tucson television station says its broadcast of the Super Bowl was interrupted for some customers by about 10 seconds of pornographic material.

KVOA-TV in Tucson posted a statement on its Web site late Sunday saying the only viewers who were able to see the material were those who receive the channel through Comcast cable.

KVOA says it will investigate the incident and that the game was sent out from the station without interruptions or pornographic material.

Comcast spokeswoman Tracy Baumgartner confirmed that the company's standard feed was interrupted during the Super Bowl, although she said its high definition feed was not."
from Chicago Tribune


Well no surprise that it was pulled from YouTube as it was fairly big cock front and center!

So a new link for it here

Sunday, February 01, 2009

Collarversary

6 years ago today....

He picked me up at the airport where we were hugging and kissing like high school kids. After we headed to a fetish store. When we got out of the car, he took something out of his pocket. It was a lock and chain. It was a heavy hardware type chain. He slipped it around my neck and locked it in place. No words were exchanged. He claimed me as His without words being needed.

I remember I did not touch at first because I knew if I did I would start crying and we were about to be going into a store. So of course I did not want tears in there.

Later in the car Master told me to touch it and the tears started flowing in the realization of it - the meaning of it and that I was really owned by Him.

6 years later I still get teary thinking about it.

I am so very happy to be owned by Him and thankful for all the wonderful memories that the last 6 years have brought. I look forward to each day on this journey with you! I love you Master!
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