30 Days of Kink - Day 1

I am going to do the 30 day of Kink that I saw go around on the blogosphere quite a while ago.  I am going to be very irregular in when I  post them, but  I hope to do at least 2 a month but it might be more or it might be less. :)


Day 1: Dom, sub, switch?   Basically define your kinky self for us.

Owned girl wired for service and obedience. I am bisexual, masochistic, sexually submissive and poly. I have been Master's property for 9 years. 10 years will be in February 2013. 


I say wired because I can look back into my life and see that these things in my life that point to service and obedience to authority in my life.  I feel I am sexually submissive because I become more submissive just after being used sexually. I obey and I submit always to Master, but after sex it is easier for me.  After being beat, it is easier for me. I don't let my mind step in and start to trip me up  - where if we hadn't had sex and I am out of that sexual mindset then my mind sometimes starts to get in my way. I always obey, I always serve and submit, but mentally and emotionally it is harder for me. 

March Q&A - Rules

What rules do you have to follow?


Oh this question is always hard for me because my rules are so just a part of my life that I often forget what they actually are because they are a way of life now.  Also some thing that might fall more into the how Master trained me to serve him instead of an actual rule.

So thinking of the rules...

• I can't have a coke zero without asking
• I have to ask permission to use the rest room
• I have to ask to eat anything
• During a meal I have to wait for Master to give me permission to eat (usually after he starts eating he will give me permission)
• I have to ask to permission to spend money
• I have to ask permission to do things without him - like if a friend wanted to go for coffee I would have to ask permission
• I have to ask permission if I would want to go out and do something by myself such as going to the library or shopping
• I have to keep Master informed of my emotional, mental and physical health - such if I wake up with a migraine I need to tell him or if I feel sad for some reason even an unknown reason then I need to tell him
• I have to ask to use the phone to call friends and family
• I have to ask to answer the phone when friends and family call
• I have to ask before opening any snail mail
• Master has complete access to every account I have - email, journals, twitter or facebook acounts he can look at anytime he wants
• He has access to not only online journals but offline
• He often lets me plan shopping lists and menus but likes to look over them before anything is set in stone
• I can't wear pants without his permission and it is a VERY rare occasion when they are allowed - such as when I hurt my knee a couple winters ago - I couldn't wear tights which meant I couldn't wear a skirt as it was too cold.  So it was pants. I had to dig through all my stuff to even find my one and only pair of pants. I mean I have lounge pants that I can wear at home but I am not allowed pants when going out of the house and I wouldn't ever wear my lounge pants in public. It would be a what not to wear moment for me :) 
• Before I leave a room, I let Master know what I am going to be doing 
• I ask permission to go take a nap or go to bed at night

I am not sure there is anything else...but as I said above some things might be more things Master trained me to do instead of actual rules. 

March Q & A: Buddhism and Slavery

I have seen you say several times Buddhism has helped you in your slavery and service and I would like to read about how it has?


Really it comes down to a very basic thing for me....first I don't view Buddhism as my religion and at least I feel that many of the writings from Buddha say that it isn't a religion. He doesn't want worship - but instead is trying to teach us a way of life that will help us attain enlightenment.  Buddhism is basically about finding the truth in yourself to set yourself free. And that line is it for me....I have found slavery to my path that fulfills me. It is the truth inside myself. 


I find comfort and strength in the words of Buddha and others that help in spreading that word such as the Dalai Lama.  They help me on this path. The words help me understand surrender and service even if it is a different context of what Buddha meant - he meant it more towards life in general and finding enlightenment and I often it apply it directly to my life as a slave. 


Such as the Noble Eightfold Path...
1. Right View
2. Right Intention
3. Right Speech
4. Right Action
5. Right Livelihood
6. Right Effort
7. Right Mindfulness
8. Right Concentration


Applying those to my relationship and being a slave works really well for me. Keeping myself steady and centered on my service to Master. 


I have had several people write me over the years and pointed out Buddhism doesn't believe in sexual misconduct and how can I not view the path I am on as sexual misconduct. I have seen all sorts of views on it but for me I take more of a view like expressed here:

"Aware of the suffering caused by sexual misconduct, I am committed to cultivate responsibility and learn ways to protect the safety and integrity of individuals, couples, families, and society. I am determined not to engage in sexual relations without love and a long-term commitment. To preserve the happiness of myself and others, I am determined to respect my commitments and the commitments of others. I will do everything in my power to protect children from sexual abuse and to prevent couples and families from being broken by sexual misconduct."

It talks about not engaging in sex without love and commitment but I also feel that for my interpretation that I engage in sex with positive energy and even if the commitment is for an hour it is a commitment to be fully engaged there in the moment. So for me I don't believe I am engaging in sexual misconduct. 


I found a few quotes from my endless quote supply that I have taken from various Buddhism sources....


Surrender is the quantum leap from mind to no-mind, from ego to egolessness. And in a single step the whole journey is contained. It is not a long journey from you to God, it is a single-step journey. It is not a gradual phenomenon; it is not that slowly slowly, gradually you come to the divine. It is a quantum leap! One moment you were in darkness and the next moment all is light. All that is needed is to put the ego aside. - Osho


Buddha says if you surrender the ego, if you surrender yourself, you come in a harmony with the law and everything starts happening on its own. You have but to surrender. If you are ready to disappear, you will be full of the law and the law will take care. - Osho


Only no-mind can be without any duality, because it is empty. The no-mind is choicelessness. The no-mind is pure awareness. It is just the empty sky. - Osho


Don't cling to anything and don't reject anything. Let come what comes, and accomodate yourself to that, whatever it is. If good mental images arise, that is fine. If bad mental images arise, that is fine, too. Look on all of it as equal, and make yourself comfortable with whatever happens. Don't fight with what you experience, just observe it all mindfully. -Bhante Henepola Gunaratana, "Mindfulness in Plain English"


We also often add to our pain and suffering by being overly sensitive, over-reacting to minor things, and sometimes taking things too personally. -His Holiness the Dalai Lama


Truth is no theory, no speculative system of philosophy, no intellectual insight. 

Truth is exact correspondence with reality. 

For man, truth is the unshakeable knowledge of his real nature, the Self. 

-Paramhansa Yogananda

When everything is clean-clear in your own mind, nobody can create obstacles for you. -Lama Thubten Yeshe, "The Bliss of Inner Fire"

Enlightenment--that magnificent escape from anguish and ignorance--never happens by accident. It results from the brave and sometimes lonely battle of one person against his own weaknesses. -Bhikkhu Nyanasobhano, "Landscapes of Wonder"

If you wish to see the truth
Then hold no opinion for or against.
The struggle of what one likes
And what one dislikes
Is the disease of the mind. - Sosan

March Q & A: Transitions

From this post: " I was owned by him for 2 years. And then we continued to have a Daddy/little girl relationship and kinky boyfriend/girlfriend type relationship for another 2 years."

Question asked about the post..."I'm really curious about how that works... I've read the debates about whether a slave can leave their owner and whether you can kill a puppy or whatever... so really want to know how this transition happened."

In the M/s relationships I have been in, I needed to be completely open and transparent. There came a time when I realized I wasn't happy serving anymore.  I was burnt out really (which I have a post coming about being burnt out.)  Anyway, he asked me if I was happy and I told him I wasn't happy. The conversation continued of course on what lead me to this and why I wasn't happy but in the end he asked if I would like to request release from being his slave. Because that was how he wanted it - he wanted me to request release and I told him yes I that I did feel I wanted to be released.  We had discussions about it for 3 days. One of the days I remember actually fell on a Carpe Diem meeting (a bdsm group that is not around anymore) and I remember the meeting so vividly. It was about tattoos and play piercings. I know I became very passionate about something being said about permanent markings and everyone was kind of taken aback by my tone and language.  I know I was that way because of the stress of what was going on in the decision to stop our M/s relationship. On that 3rd day of discussions, we ended it. He wanted me happy and hoped I would come back to wanting to be in service to him.

The transition was very difficult. At first we kind of kept our distance from each other - grieving and trying to figure out how it would be with us now - not as Master/slave.  I found myself doing usual things I did for him - without thinking. He was better at not ordering me then I was at not serving. Saying, "yes Master" was really hard for me too as it just came out naturally. So for a while I just trained myself to say, "okay" so that the yes wasn't followed by Master or Sir. Eventually the relationship just worked into this kinky girlfriend/boyfriend type relationship with the added spice of Daddy/little girl.  Daddy/little girl felt very natural for us. I didn't feel tired as little girl and I did as his slave.

Honestly I think that if anything like this happened with Master - I am not sure either of us could function in just a kinky relationship. I think we would naturally gravitate back to a M/s foundation.

March Q & A: SM questions

Name some things you don't experience with your Master but desire.
Wax play - I don' t think Master really has ever played with it but  he just sees that as a mess and not fun.

Gang Bang or being loaned out or just being with other men - Master isn't interested in it. Now we have had a few conversations that involve me with another and it seemed to interest him a little bit but don't think it will ever come to something he actually will do with me.

Rope Bondage - Master does it at times but not one of his favorite things and it is a big desire of mine. I love rope and how it feels against my body and the tension in it when I try to move.

Those are the only things coming to mind at the moment.

What was the worse pain you have ever felt?
hmmm I think....cattleprod and being flogged with wire

I know you consider yourself a masochist, but are there times you don't like the pain?
Oh yes. There are a lot of factors that go into if I am going to get into the pain or not.  Sometimes I have started out where it hurts like hell and then finally turns into pleasure. Other times I have had it where I become a slut with it and just want more and more pain.  Or then there a headspace for me that I call my masochistic mode but that really doesn't fit the definition - where the pain hurts but I like that it hurts. I like the pain. It isn't pleasurable, it hurts but the pain rushes those endorphins in me and creates a very primal and raw feeling. And sometimes I can't wait to get more pain. And I would do anything to feel more of it because it is so addictive. I get wet with the pain and sometimes I orgasm with the pain. And still there are other times  where it hurts and I just don't feel I can take it. I often cry because I just want it to stop. But endure it for him.

Do you get aftercare?
No not really. The only time there is any type of aftercare is when we snuggle up and fall asleep after playing and having sex. I guess at least that could be called aftercare. I really don't feel the need for aftercare. Even before Master, when I played in Cleveland with various people and they tried to do aftercare - I think it made me uncomfortable - made all the pain seem less real?  Aftercare for me makes it feel like this was a game we were playing and now it is over. And this is our life - we live it day in and day out.  Now those that want or need aftercare, I totally get that it works for you - it just doesn't work for me. It ruins my experience. And not getting aftercare might ruin yours - its all good - it is finding what works for you.

Do you ever wish you weren't kinky?
No, I am very glad I am kinky. I like to serve, I like obeying and I like pain....all good things in being kinky.

March Q&A: Eden Fantasys

It surprised me when you started doing posts and reviews for Eden Fantasys. So my question is why did you start doing that? 

Eden Fantasys has written me several times over the last few years about doing reviews for their site.  Each time they wrote, I always thought it might be fun to do reviews for them, but I was never sure if I had the time to put into it.  I also wasn’t sure that I wanted to be doing any "selling" on my blog.  But as I started seeing Eden Fantasys posts by other bloggers I frequent, I started to reconsider my thought process. I liked the posts and reviews I was reading about and for Eden Fantasys because they didn’t seem over-the-top prepared instead they seemed honest and genuine.  I really enjoy  the reviews of a sex toy, massage oils, BDSM toys, lingerie and so on from people all over the BDSM blogsphere.

So when they wrote me in the middle part of May 2011, I responded by asking some questions that I hoped were going to address my concerns.  The person who wrote me made me feel completely comfortable with asking all the questions I had - even the stupid questions.  Really it is because of this representative being so great that I finally said yes to doing product reviews and blog posts.  She made me feel comfortable and writing for them never feels like I am selling or being a big informercial for them.  My reviews are completely my own opinion and Eden Fantasys wants that kind of honest credibility in the products they sell.  That became one of the major reasons why I decided to start doing this with them because they wanted honest opinions and it is one of the reasons I really like working with them. It also feels like I am giving personal and intimate information about the product or something I read on their website. I try to keep it very personal - relating to my experiences and thoughts. I like having that personal connection.

Eden Fantasys is a great place for bloggers and they give you great options on how much you choose to be part of representing their company or be part of their community.  You have complete control over how involved you choose to be.  Whether you want to do reviews, sponsor posts, be an affiliate or just even place a banner on your blog.  Eden Fantasys is a good place, selling good products for a wide range of people.

Disclosure: EdenFantasys provided me with a gift card in exchange for this post. All opinions are my own, and were not influenced in any way.

March Q&A - Several Questions

I have several questions:
What books are you reading? 

The Reunion (The Marketplace Series) by Laura Antoniou , Urban Pantry by Amy Pennington, Home Economics: Vintage Advice and Practical Science for the 21st-century Household by Jennifer McKnight-Trontz, Can I freeze it? : how to use the most versatile appliance in your kitchen  by Susie Theodorou and Fix, freeze, feast : the delicious, money-saving way to feed your family by Kati Neville and Lindsay Tkacsik

What is one website that you visit daily?  One? only one? :)  I visit Facebook, Pinterest, TinyBuddha, and FetLife daily. 

Will there be a hierarchy within your poly relationship?
Yes, Master at the head, but teacup and I are equal. I of course will know things she doesn't in this relationship because I have been here for 9 years but offering advice and being here to maybe help her, doesn't in my terms mean I am above her or alpha of her. We are both His. I won't be in charge of her. I won't be ordering her.  I am not alpha - thank goodness as it isn't a role I enjoy. 


Are you out to your family? Any vanilla friends? 
I am out to both of my sisters about the bdsm.  They both know I have been in poly relationships, but I know they don't believe Master and I are poly. But I did tell one of my sisters just very briefly about teacup when we were home for Christmas. But I think that she probably thought threesome and then cast it aside. 


I have some friends that are vanilla that know but they all met me through my blog or livejournal so they knew before I could out myself technically.  


My therapist knows about the poly but not about the M/s. 


Remember it is March Question Month. Ask any question and I will blog my answer. You can ask even ask anonymously. Just post your question(s) here in comments or via email. 

March Q&A - Different Ways

"In the beginning how difficult was it not to take things personally when something isn't how you would do it on your own? Knowing that you are doing as He wishes even if you don't feel it is the right way.Is it also something that you would just bite your tongue and move on or would it be acceptable to make suggestions of a different way? Ultimately I know that it would be His decision."


Well first I have to say it doesn't just happen in the beginning. 9 years of being Master's and I still go through moments of taking it personally and getting annoyed frankly.  


When he tells me to do something that goes against how I do it or even my beliefs, I will most of the time try to talk to him about it. It is all about phrasing and tone of how I go about that. 


I usually explain to him why I would like to do it differently or why I believe differently.  If in the end he still says he wants me to do it his way, then I do it. It still might annoy or anger me even, but in the end I am his slave. So I bite my tongue and as the saying goes "Suck it up Buttercup" - I suck it up and do it. 


A hot button for me, is my health. I have had people try to tell me what to do for my migraines all my life. I also feel I am in touch with my body and how it works. So when Master tells me, I need to make an appointment or take some med and I don't think it is the right thing for me - it really is HARD for me to not fight it. I often do. I try to explain first why I don't want too but it is really hard for me to still follow through on what he wants. He knows this too and we have had fights about this issue. It is hard for me to believe someone else would know my body and know what works for me because it just hasn't been like that in the past....years and years of people telling me to do stuff that doesn't work or not listening when I say that won't work because I had tried it several times before. So it is a hot issue for me....us I guess because it irritates Master too that I just can't let it go and do what he wants without having to fight it. 


So even after 9 years, I still have issues that it is hard to just suck it up and do it.  Of course on some things it is easier now after being together for so long - I understand why Master says some things and wants some things. It is like muscle memory - knowing he wants this and even if it isn't how I would  do it - I have done things for him so long - I just react to him and what he wants. It is like it over-rides my own thoughts instantly.  


In the beginning of relationships too, the Master/Owner is still getting to know the slave.  He might not know that you know how combat a cold in a different way that works for you that might not work for him...until you explain what works for you.  He might not know that you can fold clothes in a way that will get them done and make them look nicer then the way he does it.  So talking those things through is the way to go.  


Remember it is March Question Month. Ask any question and I will blog my answer. You can ask even ask anonymously. Just post your question(s) here in comments or via email

March Q&A - Day Off

Do you ever want a day off from being a slave? 


I think often when I get this question, it really means don't get you get tired of serving 24/7. The answer to that question is yes I do get tired but there is a different to me between having down time and not being a slave. I can't take a day off from being a slave. Being a slave is who I am.  The things I do for Master as his slave - such as work in his business, clean house, do laundry, get bills ready and so on are some my duties as his slave. I do get tired of doing them at time. But taking some me time or down time doesn't mean I stop being his slave. 


The question could also mean do I ever think about not wanting to be a slave even just for a day. We all have bad days and yes I have had days where I went can I really do this? Even after 9 years of being Master's I sometimes go "wow I just failed big at this - should I do this?" but I can't...it might be a momentary thought or reaction but when you strip down the core of who I am - I can't stop being who I am. 


Remember it is March Question Month. Ask any question and I will blog my answer. You can ask even ask anonymously. Just post your question(s) here in comments or via email

March Q&A - 2 more Questions

Have you ever had your breasts whipped or caned? If so what was it like? If not would you like to have it ?
Yes, I have had them whipped, canned, flogged, cropped, punched, slapped and had many other implements used on them. The baton and evil stick probably hurt the most.  Or the rubber flogger. I don't think Master has used the braided flogger on my breasts before just my ass, back and thighs because that thing hurts more then anything - the leather is different - harder and it hurts in that oh my gawd yes I love pain way.  I am not sure I know how to describe the pain inflicted on my breasts.  I am masochist so pain hurts and I like that it hurts. I like to suffer. So feeling the sting of a whip or cane just a shock of pain vibrating through me and that is a good thing to me.  


I do like pain on my breasts and Master doesn't usually leave them untouched during sex - they are grabbed hard, slapped and punched often.  Which probably those things hurt more then any implement as Master hurts them longer then a sting of a whip or cane can inflict on me. 


I haven't had anal sex before, but my husband wants to try it. Can you give me any tips for decreasing the pain? 
I am going to say this...I don't think much can decrease the pain of the first, second, third...or how ever many times...it just depends on the person and how big your husband's cock is on how much pain you will feel. But for me there has always been some pain. 


I have been having anal sex since I was 18 and I am now 44 and it still hurts. But....it hurts less then it does the first time because I do use anal plugs so my ass is used to something being there.  So start with a butt plug. Something small and then you can move up in sizes. But get your ass used to having something there.  Use LUBE on the plugs.  Then maybe move on to your husband using fingers on you, moving in and out so you are used to the motion/friction that happens even though it will be much thinner with fingers.  


When we are going to have anal sex,  I do a deep breath in before he pushes in and as he pushes in a little more - I let the breath out and let my ass muscles relax and push out because that opens me up more. Use LOTS of lube and tell your husband how it is feeling. If you need him to stop right where he is - ask him to stop and not move. Take a few moments to breath and relax and then have him start again slowly.  Some people prefer it to just be shoved in - go fast to get it in and then they can relax easier.  So you need to find what works for you. 
You don't need to do an enema before hand, but you can if you wish. Just water nothing else.  If Master is the mood he basically questions me on how my bowel movement was - because if I had one then I am probably cleaned out good enough.  Maybe I am having stomach problems/bowel issues - he wants to know that before sticking his cock up my ass. :)   It does take talking about something that can be embarrassing to many, but better to talk about it then have surprises. 


Remember it is March Question Month. Ask any question and I will blog my answer. You can ask even ask anonymously. Just post your question(s) here in comments or via email. 

March Q&A - 1

I have been a long time reader of yours. I mean since almost the first months of your blog in 2000.  I lost track of it for a while but have been reading again for the last several years.  What I have noticed on your blog is you used to write a lot about your feelings and what was going on in your life and although you share feelings and what is going on in your life now...it seems a little distant. You used to post more often also. What made you stop sharing and posting as much?


I think it is a lot of things and not one stands out more to me then the other....

I am living life instead of writing about it.  Before I was looking for that Dominant of my dreams and my life was really chaotic so I wrote about it because I needed the outlet to purge it. It was pretty much the icon in my post - if didn't write then - I would have gone mad.  Now I am living with my Dominant of my dreams and living life - so I don't need to write about it.  Things aren't chaotic with Master. It is pretty normal  - boring I am sure looking from the outside.

Next I am much more careful with my words now that I am owned. Every word that comes out of my mouth to me is a reflection on him and that at times makes me very sensitive and overly cautious that I am going to say something to embarrass him, misrepresent him, just screw up in some way with what I have said - so I chose my words very carefully now and only post either when I have had him read it and he is okay with it. Or when it don't have time to think. And that doesn't happen often.

Finally I think I just don't have the time. I am working with Master's business, I am doing things around his home, I have the domestic blog, plus other online projects and so on that keep me busy and so this blog kind of gets put on the bottom of the heap.  It bothers me that it does as this blog has been a part of my life for 12 years so I really never want to stop and hope to carry on with it for quite some time - even if not the same as it was in the beginning.


Remember it is March Question Month. Ask any question and I will blog my answer. You can ask even ask anonymously. Just post your question(s) here in comments or via email. 

March Question Month

Ask any question and I will blog my answer. You can ask even ask anonymously. Just post your question(s) here in comments or via email. 

March Questions: Giving Up Things for Him

are there dreams or desires you have/have had for yourself that you, by being His slave, have had to leave to His choice whether you'll ever have opportunity to realize? what if you want something he doesn't? are you supposed to be satisfied with the idea you'll never have it? are you able to blindly dismiss your own desires and simply trust that whatever He does/doesn't want should just be sufficient to meet your needs?

I can't think of any dreams really that I have had to put aside for him. But desires yes. Some that I will never have the opportunity to realize. I think what happens is that you learn that some things are more important then others. Is it really okay that I give up being gang banged again to be in a relationship where I can serve in ways I never have before and fulfill me? I think that is an easy choice. I think no matter if we are in vanilla relationships or M/s, we all have things we won't ever have the opportunity to realize - it is just weighing how much that means to you in the over all scheme of things. And yes I do think that I have to trust that whatever he does/doesn't want should be sufficient to meet my needs. BUT if it isn't then I need to discuss that with him and hopefully we come up with answer or solution. In the rare occasion it is just something I have to suck up and deal with but again it is weighing what I have in this relationship verses the things I don't and knowing that the things I get out-weigh those things I don't get. Also sometimes having to suck it up - and just deal - gives me something. It makes me feel like I am really doing what he desires and pleasing him fulfills me. But always I discuss if/when needs aren't being met. Master's door is always open and he wants me to discuss anything with him.

March Questions: Poly

my Master and i are thinking about bringing another slave into our life.. do you have any do's and dont's for a poly relationship?

Okay these are what work for me and I know not all of them will work for others. Your relationship might not be seeking the same kind of poly set up that we are looking for - a triad. So some of these are general poly tips but some will be geared towards triads. And I am sure I come across negative against d-types but s-types do the same things. I am just wording them from my point of view - my experiences. So all of this can apply to the s-type.


* Really search yourself. Know if you are ready for poly or even want to explore poly. And be honest about it. If you don't think you are poly, say it. Just because I am submissive doesn't mean I shouldn't voice my issues. And I have seen many s-types that just follow without saying I don't think I am poly. It is okay to not be poly. Just be honest with yourself and your dominant/partner.

* Be open and honest. If you are having any problems, issues, concerns, reservations - EXPRESS them. If you aren't communicating it, then you can't work through it. And of course the reverse is true too - if the d-type has issues or concerns. Even if it is that you have had to unload the dishwasher the last 3 times even though it was her turn. Yes it sounds like sibling issues. But it still matters that you be honest and discuss it. (I will get into something about this morning down below.)

A few d-types have said to me when I tell them the above...."well she just goes on and on and on about this and that." And well although I know it can get tiresome/bothersome - it seems like so little to me to help your s-type be more secure in exploring poly. By talking about it as much as is needed. Because the more she feels secure the more lasting poly relationship you will have. And if the d-type is really pushing this issue - that he is done talking about it - it would give me red flags. Now I know this isn't the case always. But in my experience if this happens then I feel there are bigger problems in the relationship going on.

For d-types be honest too - if you are just wanting to explore poly for sex. Say it. Nothing wrong with just wanting to have sex with others - but again be honest. Also be honest about what is going on with you and the other person - if you went and saw the other person and played be honest. Yes I have heard well I didn't want to her feelings to be hurt - but hurting her feeling verses lying - what is the bigger problem here? Lying always. Hurt feelings can be worked through by communicating and being honest upfront. Lying and her finding out is a harder one to overcome as you are setting up long term trust issue from then on.

* If you are having problems in your relationship, it is my opinion to not start searching for another to add to the relationship. Poly isn't a fix it. It is just like a vanilla couple having a kid - thinking it will bring them closer. Poly can bring you closer but that usually happens when a couple has a strong foundation in the first place. Or during new relationship energy - but after that fades away the problems will come back up. And often if you are thinking poly is a fix it - bringing another in will just make those problems bigger and more complex or out of control.

* Make sure you talk about how you want things to go and problems that might come up for you both. Such as for us it is a must that we both meet the person at the same time. The reasoning for us is that it starts out on the same footing. If Master meets the person first, then I am coming in late to the party. They have had that first meeting getting out the jitters and they are more casual and comfortable with each other and then I am the odd man out feeling uncomfortable and will most likely feel like a third wheel. And if I met her first then it might feel that way for Master. (The hardest thing to deal with for me is here.)

* Group meetings dates are good, but remember to get to know the person on your own too. I think it is important for each person to have a bond and relationship with the new person. In one of my past poly relationship, the other s-type and I had lots of one on one time but I wasn't getting hardly anyway one on one time with the d-type. So it felt very unbalanced. Especially in a power dynamic.

Now some D/s geared advice...
* Respect the relationship flow. If he is the one in control - then he is the one in control. And respect that flow of power. If the "primary" submissive is giving the new submissive orders then it can be very confusing. There is a difference between helping and making suggestions and ordering. Just make sure the motivation to truly help and give suggestions.

* Also if he gives an order and it goes against how you do something then go discuss it with him if you don't like it - don't take it out on her. I have a post somewhere about how I read a post from a submissive who was fuming how the submissive put away laundry wrong and how it would make more work for her. But also even if she just was helping out and trying to serve by doing laundry because the slave was at work - that still was no excuse to yell at her. It would be better to go to the girl and tell her, "Master likes the laundry put away like this." OR if he has no preference it is just your preference say that. And tell her why. Tell her, "It is easier that pants go over here as those are the first thing Master grabs."

* Also use judgment when going to your owner to talk about problems with her. Because maybe you should just be going to her. If the dishes aren't getting done, maybe go to her and ask her if there is anything wrong as you had noticed that dishes hadn't been done by her for 2 times and is there anything you can do to help her. If it is a reoccurring problem then I would say it is time for the owner to step in. But remember we are all adults and should act like it. So it shouldn't be one running to the Master (Dad) telling on her (sister).

* This is for when the other moves in....if she moves in make sure you allow her to make it her home too. This is always Master's home first of course. But many things Master just allows me to use my best judgment. He doesn't care how the kitchen is organized because I am the one using it the most. When someone new joins us, they might have different way to many things - such as organizing the kitchen. And she should have some say in it. And I will need to be open to that her ways might be better then mine. So discuss on how to decorate, arrange and organize together - compromise. Also remember holidays - include her traditions too.

I am sure there are many things I am missing at this moment. But I would talk to others that have poly relationships. There are quite a few poly groups on FetLife too. And also remember some things that are musts for us aren't for you. And the power flow might be set up different too so there are many things that can be different for you and yours. Sometimes it is just making do with the best of your abilities. Talk talk talk is really what is about - as with everything.

I have written about poly quite a bit - our website has several links.


March Question Month - Please remember you can ask me anything. The how-to's are here.

March Questions: Sex

I am grouping several of the sex questions together.

Have you had a treesome (M-F-F)? Have you been with more then one man at a time? 3? 4 ? more? Have you been with more then one woman at a time?

Yes I have had threesomes....several. When I lived in the poly household, I had many. And then as an escort I had several too.

I have been with more then one man at a time, but it was a very long time ago....when I was 18. I haven't had a 3some with two men and myself. But I was gang banged and also done a train - so yes more then 3. But again those were when I was 18. And yes I would love to experience some of those again.

I haven't been with more then one woman at a time. I have made out with more then one girl at time. But not had sex.

Are you loud or quiet during sex?

I have changed back and forth over the years. I was very quiet younger - as I didn't want anyone to hear. Because you know having sex before I was married was a no-no in my family. I then became louder when I was married and didn't care if others heard as being married and having sex was okay. And after I left my husband, the first relationship I had - we met in hotel rooms as it was a long distant relationship and he wanted me to be quiet again. Then when I moved to be with the poly household, it was okay being loud. And he encouraged it so I became loud again. Master is mostly deaf so often I am quieter then usual because I know he won't hear me. That probably sounds odd.

Have you ever given a rim job? Received? I have given and received.

Ass to mouth: yes or no? yes I do ass to mouth.

What sexually would you like right now? Right in this moment?

Well if you follow my tumbler you can often figure out what I am thinking about. I mean yes I plan ahead and queue the photos up but just going over those images that I posted today but had planned several days ago - makes me wet with thoughts to go with them.

But what I have had images of over and over for several months is just the being turned on and brought to that edge over and over again. Through pain and fucked with toys and then finally fucked hard.

Describe your favorite sexual experience outside of your time with your Master? And then with your Master?

I have had many fantastic sexual experiences but the one that always pops to mind when people ask a question like this - is with my ex-husband.

He called me before he got off from work and told me to be kneeling on the bed naked. And to not speak to him or look at him until he told me I could. (BTW this is before we formally exploring D/s) So I heard him come in and talk to the dog. I hear him flipping through the mail. And he went to the bathroom and came into the bedroom and didn't speak to me. He undressed. And I heard him doing a few other things but wasn't for sure what.

He came up behind me and wrapped a silk cord around my neck and started to strangle me. He told talked dirty to me. Telling me that he could smell how wet I was when walked in the door. He let up with the pulling of the cords and played with my pussy. He fingered me bringing me close to orgasm but backing off before I did. And then pulled the cords again. I felt his hard cock pressing against me and would wiggle my ass and back - wanting him to fuck me. He let go for a moment and then tightened and thrust into my ass. He would let tighten and loosen as he fucked me and just as he orgasmed tightened. And tightened enough that I felt I was going to pass out. It was awesome.

I still get wet just thinking about it. You know why I think that time stands out - because I have had similar experiences since but they don't have the meaning that does to me. There was a closeness with us because of the relationship we had together. And that came through sexually.

One of my favorite times with Master is one I have described before....
He had beat me and slapped me until I was a fuzzy mess. I was of course at that point so dripping wet from the pain and wanting to feel him fuck me hard but instead he roughly pulled me off the bed and shoved me in the cage. And then he laid on the bed and masturbated. It was agony mixed with pleasure. I wanted so badly to touch him and feel him in my mouth or cunt but the sounds he was making and just watching his hand wrapped around his hard cock....was making me moan with pleasure. I really don't like to beg but I know I was begging at that point to touch and suck him. But he let me moan and drip. When he had his orgasm, he came over and wiped his cum all over my face and tits. Didn't even get to taste. It was so very hot to me.


March Question Month - Please remember you can ask me anything. The how-to's are here.

March Questions: Virginity

How did you lose your virginity? Details please!

Well if you have read back far enough in this journal (and I hope many of you have not as I was so neurotic) - it hints or barely talks about that I didn't lose my virginity consensually. So I usually don't count it as losing my virginity. What I do consider when I lost my virginity....was with the boy I consider my first real boyfriend* when I was 16, Jeff, and I started off with some D/s and SM -- I tried to please him even though I did not realize that was what I was doing. And then he and I were playful when we made-out. He spanked me a few times and I got very wet and turned on. He noticed. When it came time for us to have sex -- first time I had (consensual) sex -- he asked me if he could handcuff me to his bed and I nodded yes. And after that our sex included me being tied up, handcuffed and usually spanking or some type of resistant play was involved.

March Question Month - Please remember you can ask me anything. The how-to's are here.

* I say first real boyfriend because it was a boy who actually came to pick me up on dates. Where as in jr. high I "went with" boys and you know it was group dates or meeting them at the movie theater or pizza hut or whatever. And then it was also just kissing a light petting. My first real boyfriend it felt more serious and more overtly sexual.

March Questions: Dying + Love

Are you afraid of dying?
Yes and no. I say that because it depends on the day you ask me. Today not especially. Most days though I am afraid of dying. I have lived a life full of so many experiences but at the same time I feel like I have a lot more to do with my life. So I get scared I might not get the chance.


How many times have you fallen in love?
5 times. I love easily though - although I don't consider falling in love and loving the same. I also don't believe just because someone has left my life that I stop loving them. Such as my ex-husband...I fell in love with him and still love him today. I actually probably still think about him daily because I care about him so much. I have many friends in Ohio that I love and haven't seen them since 2004 but that love hasn't faded at all.

March Question Month - Please remember you can ask me anything. The how-to's are here.

March Questions: Blogging

Why do you blog? Why has your blog posts slowed over the years?

I blog really just to stay true to myself by writing my thoughts. And hopefully by looking back on my life to learn from the mistakes. I also blog just to keep track of my life. I want to be able to look back and remember.

When I first started blogging, I wasn't in an Owner/property relationship. I was struggling, searching and just trying to find out what exactly I wanted. So I BLOGGED a lot! Blogging to figure it all out.

Now I am living that life I was searching for so I am more busy serving than writing. I also have blogged for so long it just feels like I have said the same thing over and over. And the same things I still read in other blogs. So...why repeat it all. Sometimes in the moment I feel the need but if I get time to think about it - then I often delete the post just because it is a repeat.


March Question Month - Please remember you can ask me anything. The how-to's are here.

March Question Month

Okay okay I know I got tons of ideas for the 10 minute writings and then I haven't done any yet. I am planning on doing them though. I just have been super busy so not even 10 minutes to sit down and write. There are many things I enjoy falling to the way side. I am even more out of touch with friends then I was and I was out of touch before so you know it is getting bad. I hope to find a way to juggle everything better.

ANYWAY....it is that time of year....



Here are the rules ask any question and I will blog my answer. You can ask even ask anonymously. Just post your question(s) here in comments, over on LJ, on tumbler(you can ask anonymously there too) or via email. Comments on LJ are screened so no one else will see them. And tumblr works the same so that the question just gets sent to me and no one else sees it.

Please feel free to ask as many questions as you want. I always enjoy the questions and am fairly open about my life - so ask about anything.

Follow Up

I had some questions from the last post. So I am answering them here....

Did you have aftercare? Did he follow up with you at all to make sure you were ok?

I am not big on aftercare - at anytime (for me of course I am not saying in general with everyone - just saying I don't desire aftercare - even with Master.) If he would have given me aftercare, it would have ruined the experience for me also. Him basically kicking me out and being done with me - that made me hot.

The first few times we played he didn't check on me. But then he started calling me more often as we developed a relationship. Often it was right after play and several times during the days after. The time I describe in that post, he had me call him as soon as I was home. He called me before I went to bed that night and also the next day. He often said cruel and humiliating things during those conversation on the phone  - it really was a good mind-fuck for me. I can see now looking back he was checking on me with those calls. But just because he was checking on me didn't change how we interacted with each other because that was our dynamic. 

How does the experience seem a few days after it is over, when you look back and remember it? If it makes you feel good, and want more of it, then it probably WAS good. If it doesn't, then it wasn't.

A few days after, I felt good and couldn't wait to see him again. I had a drop from the endorphins so I got weepy and felt extremely tired. But I felt good about the experience - no regrets. Now when I look at it, I wish I would have played with him more often then I did. 

Out of all my times with him, only one time did it feel really bad during and after. Not only did I feel bad, but I felt angry and annoyed, but at myself. It was my own fault for putting myself in the situation I did. I knew it what going to happen so I shouldn't have went to him when he asked. He didn't change who he was and he didn't do anything he didn't say he was going to - It was me that wasn't being realistic. 

You report this dream, but you don't assess the experience here. It made you hot, but you also seemed to be deeply emotionally hurt by it. How do you feel about it now, as you look back? Are you really sure?

During it, I hurt. I was emotionally, mentally and physically a mess. Sometimes crying hysterically where snot was dripping because I was crying so hard. There were often times during it, I didn't think I was going to make it out on the other side okay. I thought he is going to break me to the point of not being fixable. I hated him - all the while he did the things he did to me. And at the same time, I was wet and turned on. And a piece inside of me screaming "yes yes yes...keep pushing....keep hurting me. Thank you thank you!" 

Each time we played it was like this. I felt I was going to be beyond repair and each time I walked way turned on and had orgasm upon orgasm thinking about our time together.

As I stated above, now I look back on it and wish I would have been with him more. I wonder where it would have went. I wonder if I could have done all the things he wanted to do. 

Your question of are you really sure....I understand and I am going to I think get into it more below. I really craved a man to take me to the darkness so we were compatible in our desires. We pushed things to points where some would say it was unhealthy. But it worked for us. I am not sure it would have worked long term for us though. I am not sure I wouldn't have broke or was maybe breaking a little each time. I can't say for sure though. 

Why did your relationship end?

Our relationship started out just as play. We met, we played hard and then left each other to go about our lives not knowing a lot about each others lives. Then it hit a point where - he asked me to coffee. And from there we started doing other things besides playing. We went to lunch, shopping, movies, on walks and all the time talking and getting to know each other. He still treated me as me. He would slap me when we were alone and call me names and then go have lunch. We still played and played just as hard. But we were getting to know each other more fully as people. He knew I wanted to be in 24/7 M/s relationship. Eventually I decided it was time to ask him where he saw our relationship going. He was happy with how things were and didn't want to have more at least at that time or if ever. There was no promise or time-line for anything more - ever. I was getting too invested so I decided we had to stop as I needed to pursue a long term relationship as that is really what I had been wanting since the first day of actively entering the lifestyle. I also had other concerns, one of which I will address below in another question. He understood and let me go. 

I know that you only played with this person occasionally but do you think you could have maintained that kind of relationship 24/7?

He and I often discussed that living the way we played. What would be the long term effects. We played the speculation game quite a lot, but didn't of course have any definitive answers. I will say something that I think the Sir that asked the "are you sure" question was getting at....and that is I started to get too scared. He and I talked about that a lot. He saw it developing. I would get scared about walking into the house. Once there in the play - fear was still there, but it changed. The fear before I walked into the door - didn't turn me on really. The fear after I walked in the door and we started playing - turned me on. What was the difference? The moment. Once in the moment I could only live in that moment with him so I didn't panic myself with the million what-ifs as I did outside the door. My focus couldn't go outside the moment during the play. Before walking in - I let myself get in a panic and often let myself get so ramped up and overwhelmed with it.

I also will say that the fear started after we started having a relationship outside of play. I often wonder if it was my feelings for him and his interaction with me during our non-play that messed with my mind. I wasn't just his it - I became more then that? I am speculating. I don't know for sure.

I am sure some will now read this last answer and go - ah ha see it was a bad experience. They might think I shouldn't have played like that. But I want to again stress...I would do it all over again. I think of it often and wish I would have been with him longer. I really truly mean it. My time with him turned me on. Dripping wet....often soaking whatever I was sitting on because he turned me on so much. So just because there was some developments that weren't great side-effects doesn't mean I wouldn't want it. I wanted it. I want it. And I am wet thinking about even now. 

Do you play like that with your Master?

Master and I play hard, but it never feels like it did then. Because Master and I have a different dynamic and that dynamic connects in a way that I don't feel would ever make even the exact same play feel like it did then. For me that isn't a bad thing. One isn't better then the other. They are just different than each other. I am glad to have experienced both. I am glad to keep on exploring with Master. Because he is a sadist and we do play hard and he does have a sadistic beast that likes to use me in ways that touch on similar elements with the sadist in that post.