Saturday, August 09, 2008

She didn't kill puppies she washed the dishes wrong

Over on the Domestic Servitude group on FetLife we were discussing washing dishes. And a good friend of mine was talking of doing the dishes with someone - as she is involved in a poly situation. It made me think of when I was slave in a poly household...doing chores with someone was one of the things I enjoyed about poly. One of the other slaves sang. And she had a great voice. And together we harmonized really well. We would get to doing dishes, cleaning, folding clothes and sing. And just having that other person helping out made everything go quicker and was more pleasant.

I recall an elist I was on some years ago and a slave's Master had another girl coming to live with them for a trial basis. And the slave was complaining about how the girl did the dishes and how she cleaned things. My first thought was if that was all she could find to complain about then she was lucky because that could be fixed. But in reality, it seemed she wasn't comfortable with the poly situation so she was misdirecting her feelings on little trivial things instead of addressing the problems she had with being poly. Cleaning and washing dishes -- are things that can changed. It wasn't that the girl was killing puppies -- she washed the dishes differently then the slave did. If her Master didn't like the way the girl was washing dishes or cleaning he can change that. But major personality clashes that is harder to fix in poly situation.

Another similar situation was from a blog post I read long long ago about a poly family where there was a new girl and she put the laundry away wrong. And the slave was really really angry in her blog. You would have -- again thought the new girl was killing puppies instead of putting laundry away wrong. She went on and on how the girl did the laundry and she really cut her down basically saying that the girls "service" would now make extra work for the slave. It was as I said very angry blog post -- which I might add the new girl had access to -- so read it. Ouch!

Anyway, both those situations to me were again misdirection of feelings -- they were really uncomfortable about being poly so made big deals out of little things -- just to get their anger out. Even though those weren't really the true issues...doesn't mean they still weren't problems that needed resolve. If Master goes to his dresser drawers and his socks aren't where socks are suppose to be, who do you think he is going to be yelling for? Me. So solution -- go to the new girl and say, "Master really likes it when it is done this way." If it still isn't done right the next time then there might be other issues. Maybe the new girl felt I was being bossy or that it wasn't "my place" to show her how to do something. So it is done wrong again.....blowing up in anger still isn't going to fix it and again this is to me a problem that still can be fixed. This time though it is Master's. Master is the one in control - so well it is not my problem it is his problem. But blowing up in anger seems to be wasted to me. Either I help the situation with just redoing it or helping the new girl by showing her how to do it, but letting that anger well up to the point of being hurtful does not seem a productive use of my time.

Also another tip in showing someone how to do something -- ask. Say "May I show you how Master likes his laundry put away?" If you are asking then it isn't coming across as you - telling/ordering/demanding - her.

When it comes down, my thought would be how would Master like that kind of situation handled? We all get frustrated. We all need to vent at times, but there are still ways to vent that are a better reflection of Master. And that are still being productive in getting feelings and issues out. I guess...what I am saying I would think before acting or speaking - think of how Master would like me to handle the situation.


  1. Excellent post. I don't think that I could be in a poly household although I admire those who can simply because I think that its a wonderful idea.

  2. I just found your blog recently. The few entries I've read have been enlightening and helpful.

    I'm dreaming of putting together a poly household of some sort, with more than one slave. It might take a few years or decades...

    In the meantime, while looking for it and molding it, reading up on the subject seems to be a good idea. You have given me a few pointers.


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