~January~ 1. Did you have a new year's resolution this year? no I don't make them
2.Who kissed you at midnight? Master
3. Does it snow where you live? yes, right where we live....the snow does not last long but up on the mountains of course it stays around
4.Do you like hot chocolate? yes yes!
5. Have you ever been to Times Square to watch the ball drop? No. But on occassion it does sound appealing to me. Then on the other hand I am sure I would remember how cold it is in that part of the country and let it pass from my mind quickly!
~February~ 1. Who was your Valentine in 2005? Master
2. What did your Valentine get you? I made him a mix cd and then a book to go along with it...I collaged pages for each song
3. When you were little, did you buy Valentines for your whole class? yes - I believe we had to.
~March~ 1. Are you Irish? umm no...but I have a very Irish name (real name) and Master is Irish
2. Do you wear green on St. Patty's Day? no...maybe...it just depends. I don't think it usually is planned - it just happens.
3.What did you do for St. Patty's Day in 2005? I believe Master was really busy with work and such. And so we did not have time to get corn beef. I don't like it but it is a tradition for Master to have a corn beef sandwich on St. Patty's Day.
~April~ 1. Do you like the rain? yes...if not too long ...as I don't like it to be cloudy too long. Here in Colorado we will get those sunny day rain showers that last maybe 10-20 minutes and those I don't mind at all. But those usually happen late spring and through out the summer.
2. Did you play an April fool's joke on anyone this year? No, and I never have and can't see myself ever doing that.
3. Do you get tons of candy on easter? No, we really don't celebrate easter.
~May~ 1. What's your favorite kind of flower? I don't really have a favorite. But if I get roses, I like them usually to be different colors....purplish, deep yellow tipped with a coral color
2. Do you like the spring? Not really as allergies are horrible but it is better then summer weather to me....as I hate the heat.
3. Finish the phrase: April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring? more allergies
4. What would you think of as a spring color? pale pink...or any pastel
~June~ 1. What year did you graduate from school? high school 1986....never graduated from College unfortunately. I got married and supported my husband while he finished college.
2. Did you go on a Vacation? No not this year
~July~ 1. What did you do on the 4th of July? I grilled some hamburgers and then went to take pictures of the fireworks. Had some ice cream after
2. do you go on any vacations during this month? No we did not go on a vacation at all in 2005
~August~ 1. Did you do anything special to end your summer? No just thankful it was over with
2. What was your favorite summer memory of '05? my summer was very bad and so I don't have lots of good memories of the summer. I just posted a picture not too long ago of chocolate chip cookies and that would almost be the highlight of the summer...figuring out how to make a successful batch of chocolate chip cookies. I know pretty sad!
3. Do you go swimming a lot in the summer? no
4. do you go to the beach a lot? no
~September~ 1. Did you attend school/college in '05? no
2. Who is/was your favorite teacher? Mrs. Gangel my high school history teacher
3. Do you like fall better than summer? yes yes yes yes!
~October~ 1. What was your favorite halloween costume ever? geshia
2. What is your favorite candy? Engstrom's toffee is coming to mind right now as this is the time of year that most people eat it.
3. What did you dress up like this year? I didn't
~November~ 1. Who do you spend Thanksgiving with? Master
2. Do you like stuffing? yes!
3. What are you thankful for? Master, friends, family, love, faith, the journey I am on....
~December~ 1. Do you celebrate Christmas? yes
2. Have you ever been kissed under mistletoe? yes several times but most recently at a Christmas party we were at a few weeks ago....Master kissed me under the mistletoe
3. What do you want this year for Christmas? closeness
4. What's the best present you ever got for Christmas? I am not sure...I have had many wonderful presents and the memories associated with them are even more special.
5. Do you like cold weather? no not really but i do like to watch the snow fall and snuggle under the blankets
Because I am a fan of Pre-Raphaelite paintings....
"My Sweet Rose" by John William Waterhouse
You are a highly sensitive being. You are altruistic and compassionate. You feel everything ten times more so than ordinary mortals. Your soul cries at pain and your heart sings sorrow with death. You are a rare and selfless person who will gladly sacrifice themself to save another.
November was a pretty good month. It did go past quickly though. I had a real creative surge and got several pieces done. And then there was Thanksgiving and that was nice. I tried some new recipes and they worked out really well. It was a nice day. Master and I went on a drive the weekend after Thanksgiving and it was a kind of cloudy but still very nice as always. We live in a beautiful place so the scenery is always incredible no matter the weather condition.
So for November Count photographs...I post 1 piece of art of I did and 2 pictures Master took on the drive.....
On Labor Day something came up that caused us to make a quick trip over to Denver for one night. We left on Labor Day so the traffic in the high country was pretty bad -- everyone making their way from the mountains back into the city. But the trip also showed us a town that we usually just zip by very unaware of...we weren't able to stop on the way there but said that we did need to check it out sometime.
On the way back we stopped in the little little town. Everything seemed to be closed after the long weekend. The town almost looks like a ghost town...things are run down, worn and some building abandoned. Master was taking loads of pictures and particularly of this little shop... it was a bakery. After taking many pictures he called me over to look at something he had been taking pictures of...
If you look on the metal box it says "Fresh Bread." And that is what is inside it. When they are closed they put bread in this metal box. It done on the honor system. They have a price list and a jar to insert payment. Their breads are made of all natural ingredients....all the wheat is milled right in their bakery. They have cinnamon raisin, Italian herb and olive loaf, honey oat, tomato basil, asiago cheese bread and so many more. We ended up buying 2 loaves...and they are so good. We now try to make a point to stop and actually have been there when they are open...the not only sell the bread but huge brownies, lemon bars, cinnamon rolls, cookies and so on. Everything looks incredible and everything we have tried tastes wonderful.
I was thinking about my holiday spirit today as I put Christmas presents away. I don't feel like I ever really got into the holiday spirit this year. Everything felt very rushed. I didn't get to slow down and just enjoy the magic...the joy of it. I didn't get to enjoy the giving of gifts. I gave gifts but everything I gave - felt like I let the other person down. I just didn't feel like I got anyone's present right this year...which is just I am sure my insecurities at work more then the truth of the matter. I felt like some quiet moments were not fully realized. And then I feel I am probably just being ungrateful because I did really enjoyed having time with Master. I loved that we were able to have time together - I just wanted more. And I have to say as far as the gifts I got...this year was one of the best...I have never been so spoiled. I do feel that I didn't get Master enough as he spoiled me and I wish I could have been able to do the same with him.
So now that we are actually in the 12 days of Christmas I told myself I am going to try to enjoy some quiet moments in front the tree enjoying it's sparkle. I am going to reflect and try to create some romance and cozy times for Master and I until it is time to take the tree down. Maybe we will have some holiday magic and spirit to come in these 12 days of Christmas.
Started off with heading to Target first....got Christmas wrap, tags, cards, ribbon, gift bags and all that kind of stuff. We also got a few things we were wanting using some gift certificates my sisters gave us for Christmas. We also went to Wal-Mart, Michael's, Circuit City and Hallmark. Some places just to return things but a few others to buy! After shopping until we were ready to drop....we came home to take a nap (strange dream to be recreated at the end of this blog) ....and then we went out to dinner. During our dinner they asked if we could move. We were right between a place where they could set a bigger party. They gave us free dessert for moving even though it is still in the to-go container in the fridge as we were so full. Tonight we watched Serenity. It was great! The bonus material: the outakes, deleted scenes and Joss' Introduction were great too. After the Joss introduction ended, Master said, "you are lusting!" I said, "yes!" Smart and quirky at times equal sexy to me.
So it has been a very good day. Tomorrow I plan on cleaning up all the lingering boxes, gift bags and such and putting presents away. I then need to work on some art things as I would like to get them in the mail this week.
Today while napping I had the WEIRDEST dream I have had in a long time. I have been thinking about my friends in Ohio a lot lately being Moni's birthday and all. My dream was of a birthday party for her.
So everyone was there but the main players were Moni, her husband Michael, Bill, Lisa, Master and myself. We were at a club for Moni's birthday. Moni was dressed in a princess type taffeta dress wearing a tiara. Under the dress was all naughty...it was a red and black waist cincher with garter straps, black stockings and thigh high black leather boots. Moni's trademark normally is showing off her boobs to everyone but this night her trademark became lifting up her princess dress and showing off her ass and legs! Lisa was dressed as a school girl with pigtails...always so cute.
The club was a sex/SM club. There was a stage with sex mixed with SM but had kind of a burlesque feel to it. Above the dance floor there were people having sex on swings...like trapeze artists almost. Around the edges of the dance floor were little SM stations..with crosses, spanking benches and whatnot and people doing all sorts of wonderfully wicked things. In the club there were multiple tiers kind of overlooking everything and we had one tier booked for the party so everyone was there. It had tables, chairs, couches, and play equipment.
The part of the dream I remember the most is I came up from being on the dance floor. I was hot in more ways then one and needing to find Master. Bill was sitting in a chair with Lisa before him on her knees giving him a blowjob. Moni was lounging on couch next to her husband. And I asked her where Master was at...she said he went to go get a toy. When Master came back he had in his hand one of those fake pussy toy that sucked....he was wearing black jeans and then his cock was out and pushed into the toy. He sat down on a bench type thing and was playing with it while I sat next to Him. He pulled the toy off....and laid down on the bench and had me strip and ride him. I felt very self conscious and we were in front of Moni, Michael, Bill and Lisa. They all watched us. I would get close to making Master cum and He would stop me so that he could prolong it...not only prolong the anticipation but my embarrassment...
I was feeling kind of anxious and wanting to leave the situation...and that is when Master woke me up! Saved!
Our day was very very relaxed...in fact I actually slept a lot! I think the month finally caught up with me plus I am having a horrible time with allergies. So we ate, watched movies and took naps all day long!
Daddy and I watched Polar Express and we both loved it! I got my dollies out to watch with us! It was so much fun! And then tonight we watched Bourne Supremacy. It was a DVD Christmas - we got Bourne Surpremacy, Tipping the Velvet (fanning myself), Meet Joe Black, Serenity and the Firefly TV series box set.
I got loads of presents....Master spoiled his girl - spoiled spoiled spoiled spoiled!I am a very lucky girl. I got everything from domestic things: cookie cooling racks, new kitchen utensils, pie shields, measuring spoon (one of those all in one spoons) and tea. To art things: Rubber stamps, teeny tiny tags and brads. To books and movies: I got Paulo Coehlo's book The Zahir...that I started reading right away as I love his books so much! I also got Nick Bantock's book Urgent 2nd Class that I have been wanting for a while too. And then the movies I already listed.
My family also spoiled me as they seem to always. I got the coolest trivet - I found a picture of online. A calendar (that Daddy got me too)called ArtPlay that has great collages in it, a gift certificate and journal from my sisters. One of my sisters wrote in journal combine that with the card and of course I was tears. It was one of those hallmark moments!
Master's parents also really hit home with a wonderful present....they bought me 2 Christmas bears that are just so great! They look like old-time bears jointed and just their features are more old fashioned. I haven't bought a Christmas bear in several years and the last one I received is very cute and is under the tree currently- it was given to me by Bill and Lisa. I can still hear Bill teasing me about the bear's name...the bear is a boy and I named him Crissy. Bill didn't think that was a good boy name! I knew a boy named Crissy...not that bear is named after him. Anyway, the bears that Master's parents bought me are beautiful and I told Daddy that I think that I will need to be on the look out for a bench for them to sit on together under the tree.
I try to at Christmas time do some reflecting on where my life is and how grateful I am for everything in it....and this year was no different. Nothing earth shattering uncovered....just that I am very happy to be with Master and be his girl. I hope that our 2006 is even better then 2005.
Well I better wrap this up...Master and I are heading out into the crowds tomorrow morning! We need Christmas wrap and that kind of stuff. Plus I saw a fantastic Christmas platter I want to see if they still had it - now at 50% off though of course. Yes, we are insane for going out!
Today started out a little hectic but then ended up being more laid back as the day wore on. I did wake up with the most horrible allergy attack and it lagged on and on today. Master spent most of the day wrapping presents...presents for me! I can't believe all of them....He is very good to me and generous too. We had dinner and then went to look at lights! There is one neighborhood that every house decorates and they are around a pond so the lights reflect off of it...very pretty!
The picture above is a picture of a little angel that was part of a trio that my Mom had sitting out during the holidays. Well I broke the other 2 over the years and so in the package she sent us that had presents to open everyday until Christmas --- it was part of it. On the card it said, "something from the past for you to keep." It was a nice surprise to have something from when I was a little girl!
I was just getting ready to go shopping the other day but I thought I would jot down what I was just thinking about...
My train of thought is often very strange...
So all the things that I came about that were Red the other day….
Red Christmas Lights We have red Christmas lights on our tree. I really like them being all red and so does Master. I remember when we were picking out lights 3 years ago we both said right away we didn’t want multi color and all white/clear lights just didn’t seem us. So we did all red. Red hot....Red light district...no neither were part of the reason for wanting them! The pictures on this post are all of our tree. Master took them the night we put it up. One is of a porcelain winter angel, another is of an ornament that Master’s Grandmother made and he inherited. And then the last is of all the bears under the tree. I have a red flyer wagon, lots of chairs, and 2 sleds with bears sitting on them all around the tree. I even had Henry (the bear girlie bought me) under there this year with a big taffeta bow.
Red Heels I was in the closet pulling out clothes and saw my red patent strappy heels lying on the floor. I thought I should wear those for Master during the holidays. Maybe they will inspire him to make other bits red! Thinking about wearing them led me to thought of when I got them and wore them for the first time….
I bought them in Germany for about $7 (USA dollars.) The first time I wore them was when I got back to the states and had a "date" with a client....when I was an escort. I wore those heels, a black and white nighty and thigh highs with a seam up the back. I felt very sexy and pretty that day. I also was very excited to see my client, as he was a favorite. He was the first appointment since being back from Germany too. We had a great time! I left the stocking and heels on during the "date." After I cleaned up and got ready to head out the door, I called someone I was starting to get involved with. As we were talking we realized we had just left the same area. He was only a few cars behind me. He needed to get to work so we didn’t meet face to face when realizing that but it was an odd coincidence. So that is a memory associated with my red patent heels.
Red Sweater I wore my favorite red sweater the other day when shopping. I am not sure why I like this sweater, as it is kind of plain but it so comfy and looks really good with my black short skirt.
Red Bra The other day under my red sweater I wore my red bra. It is a favorite bra of mine as it is comfy, silky, and it doesn’t have seams up the cup. Master has a clothing fetish. He likes things that are silky to the touch and that hug the body. The tighter the better. So girdles, pantyhose, tights, bodybriefers/shapers – all are part of his fetish. And so I wore the red bra with a black girdle panty. Master was pleased.
Red Lipstick For years I never wore red lipstick because I thought it looked horrible with my skin. But then I got a tube that I really liked and so now I love wearing red lipstick. That is of course what I did when I wore my red bra and red sweater.
Red Bottoms Oh the joy of having a red bottom. Spankings….making my bottom all warm and red. So yummy! I never liked spankings before Master. But the drummer in him makes the rhythm of the spanking vibrate through me.....thus making me a very wet girl.
Red Blushing As I wrote that last little bit about red bottoms....I blush red.
Red Ribbon Red ribbon on packages. I have several red ribbons right now for wrapping packages…grosgrain, satin, taffeta, rope-like, and curly. They look very pretty under a tree.
Red Target I love Target! I love Target! I love Target! I really do…I spent hours in there the other day. I picked up the gifts I needed to get and then I wondered around the dishes, the bedding, the Christmas stuff, the office supplies…oh and lets not forget the shoes! It was a lot of fun just wondering!
I guess it is the season for red but I also like red...so this is my tribute to wonderful wonderful RED!
I feel like my journal has had the same theme all week....I am tired...and don't have anything to say....And yes it is another one of those entries.
Last night Master and I went to bed early for us recently...I think it was about 11pm. Well a little before 3AM I woke up and could not get back to sleep. I laid there for an hour staring at the ceiling and thinking this is insane. And so finally got up at 4AM. I did some work, wrote some emails and then proceeded to get sick! So right before Master left for the day -- I went to bed. I slept several hours, but I felt as though I could have slept all day. I did get a few things accomplished, but of course not as much as I wanted too -- which means I will be busting ass tomorrow.
Well I had a long post on the color red...and firefox crashed on me. I have been for the last few days having problems with firefox. This is the first time it has been crashing since I started using it over a year ago...so I guess I should not be complaining. I just wish it would not have been in the middle of a long post. So I am not a happy camper right now. I was up until 3am last night and then been going all day so it just feels like it is not worth it to recreate at the moment. Maybe tomorrow.
So what else should I post about.....
Today I went shopping for the rest of Master's stocking stuffers and then also a gift for a friend of ours. It was an odd experience being out and about without Master but I have to say I enjoyed it. Not that I want the freedom to do those things. But that I take great appreciation and gratitude for those moments of freedom. I was able to just window shop and look at all the pretties.
After Master picked me up at the mall he and I went and got kitty cat prezzies, then to the liquor store (drinking a nice glass of wine right now) and then out to dinner. We went to our favorite Mexican restaurant. I think we felt as though we were rolling out there because we ate so much...but it was so good that we couldn't stop eating it!
When Master and I arrived home, there were 5 packages sitting our porch! Two boxes that Master ordered for me for Christmas. Two boxes that I ordered for Master for Christmas. And one box from Master's parents. One of my boxes was pretty big and when I opened it...there were 2 little things and yards and yards of those air-filled-bags. Then the other little box was stuffed full of presents....did not make sense to me.
Tomorrow I will be cleaning, wrapping presents and then we still have to go to the grocery store...so we will do that tomorrow night. And also go drop off presents and goodie trays to friends and neighbors.
Things here have been very busy. We are just trying to get things done for the holidays. It has been really hetic this year. I feel like I haven't had even 10 minutes to just veg-out. I didn't get 2 presents done that I needed too....one is for some a couple artist friends and the other for my best friend Moni. She has a milestone birthday on Friday. I am feeling guilty about it. But I know they will understand. I actually have to go out tomorrow morning to do some last minute shopping for Master's stocking. And then need to go to the grocery store for the food for our holiday dinners. Thursday and Friday will be spent cleaning and wrapping presents.
I feel like all I am saying is blah blah blah in my head…as everything seems like mush….
Well lets see...as I said in June's Winter Count...my summer was horrible. I had lots of health issues and then I had one piece of bad news after another. And July continued marching to that same beat....unfortunately!
So thinking back....the highlight of my July was I was finally able to successfully bake Chocolate Chip cookies at our altitude! I like to cook and bake especially. And every single time I made Chocolate Chip cookies since being here....they flopped. But in July I was able to make a decent batch of them....
I was so happy with them I took a picture..... So July's Winter Count Picture is of Chocolate Chip Cookies!
June....unfortunately June is the start of the summer and my summer was horrible. I had one thing after another go wrong. Luckily my fall has went much better then the summer. The start of June though we had a nice little trip over to Denver and on the way there and back we took TONS of pictures.
We stopped at an exit that is for rafters to unload. There were not really that many out when we went to Denver but on the way back there were a lot. Okay so the shoes....as I said it was kind of quiet on our way there. And here next to a trash can were this pair of shoes. They looked like some one put them there so neatly. It was the first time I had really used Master's old camera - but I ended up taking about 12 pictures of these shoes. I got down low, I stood over them...I zoomed, I zoomed out....it was fun but kind of silly that I took so many pictures of these forgotten shoes.
These are 2 more picture taken by Master....that I really liked.
When he stopped to take this one, he opened the door and we were up in the mountains and it is obviously towards sunset - well it was darn cold! And it is summer. So he was out there freezing and I was in the car singing to the Phantom of the Opera soundtrack...staying warm!
Another that I liked...and again it was cold and I stayed in the warm car while Master was in the cold snapping away.
This is a picture that Master took of our little girl cat in May....
She is on the step stool that was in the kitchen. She thought since the sun was hitting it that it seemed like the perfect place to take a nap. It was a narrow little bottom step but she didn't care.
But that is so her...she finds the most unusual places to take a nap.
Shoes...I have a couple pair of shoes that she likes to nap in or around. I flipped off my sandal's in the living room one day and she put her front paws through them. And she ended up taking a nap right there while wearing them.
Little hidden spaces....We have this little space in the closet that between a laundry basket and shoe rack and she will nestle herself down in there so you can't see her and snooze all day. Master has an armoire in the bedroom. In it are some crates for socks and underwear and things like that. She will often times be found sleeping in one of the crates.
Anything that makes her feel like a Princess....On top of a pile of towels in the line closet. On top of suitcases, the backs of the chair or couch especially if they have a blanket thrown over them. If she can find a comfy spot that is above it all...she will nap there quite happily.
April....that is really when I decided to pursue my art on a more regular basis. What inspired me was a thing called ATC's. Starting small and knowing I could explore different techniques on a small scale made me more comfortable with starting back up again...after surpressing that side me for so long. Master was totally encouraging and I appreciate all his support during this exploration.
So here for my April Winter Count is some ATC's I made in April....
Purple Postage - I did a series of the postage ATC's....I did purple, blue, yellow, pink, and orange.
Western SL - I used to do a lot of beading and so I incorporate beads into my work quite a bit. I really like the colors, textures and flow to this card.
The Little Princess (2) - I did a few ATC's with little Princess quotes on them...though this one was one of my favorites. Because I often dream of odd things too.
Unconstructed - This ATC is similar to a style that I enjoy doing on a larger scale. I have done a few with this style of ripping paper and painting combined.
The end of the summer Master told me he doesn't want to spend holidays with family anymore...his or mine. I expressed my sadness in that...as family and holidays are very important to me. But in the end, I bend to Master. And so I am bending outwardly but still struggling inwardly although I see how wonderful just being alone for the holidays too.
At the time I think I kind of stuffed and denied it as I didn't want to think about it. But then the end of October with all the holidays approaching it started to bounce around in my brain...a lot. And now it has slowed down again...as I am looking forward to a cozy, quiet, romantic Christmas with Master.
Master cares and loves his family and mine. He just does not like holidays and families together as he feels it creates a lot of unnecessary drama. He enjoys the time he has with them throughout the year that are less strained and have less drama. I have seen that drama with his family and others but I really don't have that with mine and the holidays (although I have had it in the past) so I think that is one reason I have struggled with it. Because there is not that drama in my family. It is togetherness that we share at the holidays that I will miss.
He told me enjoyed Christmas with my family and how it lacked the drama that holidays usually entail for him. I had not seen my parents for over a year but they are very laid back and encouraged us - Master and I - to have alone time and take their car to go shopping or explore on our own. They don't guilt, pressure or insist...they just kind of let things flow. But even though he really did enjoy his time there - He still prefers holidays just being us - two. And I understand that and I do enjoy holidays alone with Master but of course there is the parts of me that thinks about my family's Christmas' and thinks I might never get that again - so makes me sad too.
I know that it will make my family very sad also. I did tell my Mom recently that Master prefers to have holidays alone. And I could tell she was sad but she did not guilt, did not lash out in hurt feelings - she said she could understand that but hoped that he enjoyed Christmas with them last year. I expressed how much he enjoyed Christmas with them to her and I think that made her feel a little better that it was not their time with him last year that made him not want to have Christmas with family. I don't think she got the full impact of what I said....I don't think she has actually put it all together -- but I knew what it meant....I almost started crying on the phone when I told her.
I don't see my family very often and so I know that is a huge factor to my not adapting to this very well. Master gets to see his family much more as we live in the same state as them. So to me I can almost see his reason not needing or wanting to see his family on the holidays because he sees them throughout the year. He would rather make his time off at the holidays quality time together for just the 2 of us. And I love that He wants that quality time with me and to create our own memories. I want that too.
But since I don't get to see my family.....I see them once a year or less. And that is why I think this is particularly hard for me to accept gracefully. I miss my family throughout the year often. So I struggle because on the one hand I love the alone time that Master and I create. Our first Christmas together was just the 2 of us and it was very warm and cozy. But on the other hand I also love Christmas' with my family. The holiday is a big deal with my family. It is just a wonderful time with my family.
Part of the holiday spirit is family for me -- not always meaning seeing family but remembering and celebrating your love for your family. Christmas at my parents house is always very special and captures that spirit so well - not just meaning gifts - but my family does seem to go all out. But just sitting around sipping a cup of wassil and sharing with each other, taking a walk in the Christmas snow, laughing while standing in Mom's warm kitchen and so on. Just many joyous moments that capture our love for each other. And it isn't stressed or strained...it just is...us enjoying the Christmas spirit together.
So with my struggles - I try to flip it and see positives of having Master all to myself on Christmas! Having a cozy, quite, romantic Christmas!
Okay so I have been in denial all week that how I was feeling was just allergy problems. I think I do have the start of a cold. I have stepped up taking more Airborne and tonight I am giving into cold medicine that I hope will help me sleep.
The last 2 days were a flurry of flour and sugar...
I baked and baked and baked and baked....and well you get the picture. I made 3 different kind of cookies...some double batches. And 3 different kinds of candy - again some several batches. I have 6 goodies tins to make up and so I needed quite a bit. One was a package though and that had to be mailed out today to get there in time for their get-together so that is why there was a rush of flour and sugar the last 2 days. We were going to be going there in person -so thought I would have a little more time - but that is not possible now. Though it does make it possible for us to attend another Christmas party where I will be able to wear a new fushia silk blouse that Master bought me. I would love to wear it with my boots but I don't think I have a skirt that would match both the boots and the blouse. And it probably is not practical to wear my boots to this party. But maybe I can on Christmas Eve for Master as he loves those boots!
I got a wonderful surprise today! One of my oldest friends called me up just to chat. Her and I met in Junior High...and have remained friends through the years. And I am glad we have. She stopped to get a starbucks while talking to me....peppermint mocha....oh that sounded so good. I think I might have to beg Daddy and see if we can get one while out doing some shopping on Friday night. My friend who knows of my lifestyle but does not quite understand it fully. She asked me what it means to be owned. And I actually was a little taken-a-back by the question. I haven't had to answer that one in a long while. Plus it is just so who I am now...it almost feels like this intangible thing that I can't be describe because it just -is-. I did a very basic definition using Master/slave and such but I don't think I still adequately described it. So it is something for me to ponder and come up with what I do really think being owned means.
I could have told her what I thought being owned was before I was owned -- but now it is so different and so just part of who I am that it just doesn't quite need that definition for me. But again I would love to explain it more to her then I did today.
Not much else to report just busy preparing for the holidays....I have quite a bit more to get done this week and then next week hopefully I will be able to chill out before the big holiday. Yes, I am knocking on wood and crossing my fingers as I think that.
1. What do you usually do in the way of decorating for Christmas? Every room usually gets a little Christmas decoration. Be it Christmas towels in the bathroom, or a Christmas knick-knack or candle in the office....it gets at least a little something.
2. What are you like at shopping for Christmas presents? Are they purchased through the year or at the last minute? If I see something that just fits someone in June -- I am the kind of person that usually just gets it and gives it to them instead of hoarding it for Christmas so I usually do my shopping a month or 2 before Christmas. This year though I am making all my Christmas presents.
3. How do you decide how you will spend Christmas day? It is up to Master how we spend Christmas. We are spending it alone. And I am looking forward to a romantic, cozy, quiet Christmas with just us two after how busy it has been lately. We just discussed what we will be doing with presents. Last year when at my family's house, we opened presents on Christmas Eve and Master expressed then liking it. So we think we will open some presents on Christmas Eve as well as Christmas morning. And then also have our stockings for Christmas morning.
4. Describe your Christmas tree and when do you usually put it up? Growing up it always went up the weekend after Thanksgiving. But now with Master - his birthday is in early December and he doesn't like Christmas and his birthday to mix so we wait until after his birthday to decorate our tree. We have an artificial tree because of the cats and also my allergies. It has all red lights on it and then we have taffeta plaid ribbon that we use as garland I tie big bows in between each strand of ribbon. Then we have kind of a modge-podge of ornaments.....some that his Grandmother made, some that I have had for years and years. And now we have started getting our own. I have a set of ornaments that don't go on the tree. They are a hallmark series that I have had since the first one in 1984. And they are still going with them. They are lined up in the dining room on the cabinet counter that lines the dining room. I am missing 2 out of the series and I have thought about trying to find them but I am scared what the price will be like as they were early on in the series. I am thankful for my Mom keeping me up with them because there have been times where I didn't care about Christmas and said I didn't need the next one but now...I really appreciate them and enjoy them.
5. What do you remember about preparing for Christmas as a child? As I have said in another post....my Mom made Christmas a big deal. We did all sorts of help in the decorating and baking. It was I think the only time my Mom let us into her kitchen!
We would have soup and appetizers usually on Christmas Eve and then go to church. We came home, someone in the family would read the story of the birth of Jesus and then we would sing some carols. We would finally start handing out presents. One person one package all the way around - youngest to oldest would open a present. As a very young child we would spend Christmas Eve at my Grandparents that lived out in the country where it snowed lots....we went to a country church for Christmas Even service. My Grandpa would come home early and make boot tracks in the yard up to the door and through the house....and also have reindeer prints and half eaten carrots left in the year.
6. Are there any pre Christmas related traditions in your household? decorating the tree, driving around looking at lights, watching Christmas specials like Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, baking - we just got done wrapping 82 chocolate caramels up...I am sure there are more but I can't think of them at the moment.
7. What is your gift giving list generally like? Do you buy for a small or large amount of people? Ours kind of varies from year to year. This year we are buying for a smaller amount of people. And I making lots of gifts not only to save money but because I do think it will have a lot meaning for those that I am giving the items to.
Okay so winter count for March is me with Raspberry hair. It doesn't show up how brilliant it was those first few days. Then it faded to more of a burgundy. I really loved the color. But I hated the dye I used (manic panic). It actually burned my skin.
Shortly after I dyed my hair we went on a day trip and stopped to have lunch at a very small town diner. And I was dressed in black skirt, black tights, black sweater, black chunky mary janes...with my bright raspberry hair.....EVERYONE in the diner turned as I entered and watched us walk to our seats. I felt like Wednesday Addams - the way people looked at her when she entered a room. I wondered what they were thinking as they looked at my raspberry hair. Maybe they were making up stories about me like I do with others when I people watch. I wondered if the stories were exciting....or weird....maybe kinky.
This is one image I created for a book that I made Daddy for Valentine's Day.
Febuary not only marks Valentine's but it is also our Anniversary. So this image represents both to me. More images from the book I made are found here. I look forward to Febuary 2006 as I know it is going to be a very special anniversary for us.
So the Winter Count for January 2005... So why Mickey Mouse? Well January of 2005 we had a mouse in our house and there is NO WAY I am going to post a picture of a real mouse.
Some background first...
When I was little 3 and 4 years old, my family lived in an old house that was kind of on outskirts of the town. It was a farm house before the area started building up out there. It had a dirt basement and was filled with mice. We had a lot of them throughout the house.
As I child I had mice run over me while I was sleeping or playing. They would jump out at me when I would open my dresser drawers. SO - because of those childhood experiences --I am deathly afraid of them.
We have 2 cats so really I have never worried about it here, but knew there was a chance of them because the house backs up fields. Well my carefreeness because of the cats, was thrown out the window.
Right before we left for Christmas vacation (Dec. 2004) our little girl cat became obsessed with a few points in the kitchen especially in front of the stove/oven. She would sit,look, sniff and try to get under it for hours. Well, I did not think much about it as she has gotten lots of toys under there before. But the thing is she had never has been that obsessed about it when a toy got under there. So that should have been my first clue.
When we got back from vacation and the cats acted extremely unusual in the bedroom - right after we let them out from their travel crates. They were stalking and it looked like they were hunting but there was nothing (as in toys) in there to stalk or hunt at that time. I just thought they lost a toys somewhere that I could not see - such as too far under the bed.
Then a few days after we were home they would stalk near the fridge and especially in front of the pantry door. Whenever I would open the pantry door and both cats would be right inside sniffing around. And our girl cat even climbed on things on the pantry floor. (We store cases of diet coke, toilet paper, packages of bottled water, multi-packs of kleenex). Our cats never climbed on things in there before. It was like they knew that is not something they should do. But every time I have opened the door they were there climbing and nosing at things. So finally on January 7th they were acting so weird around the door again - being obsessed about it. I was busy cleaning and I said okay go for it. I opened the door and I went to clean the bedroom. I can see the pantry from the bedroom so I heard them both in there. And girl cat was meowing quite a bit. I went and moved something she was pawing at...I set it in the kitchen and went back to the bedroom. Well unfortunately or fortunately - depending on how I look it - it left little room for the hiding mouse. I heard the little girl really scrambling and I turn around to tell them okay that is enough. I step into the kitchen and that is when I see IT...running from the pantry into the kitchen..heading towards the stove.
I SCREAM! And I kept screaming! And I scared our boy cat. His tail got huge. And he was freaked from me screaming - not from the mouse. I jumped on the bed grabbed the phone and called Master. The boy cat went to look but then came back to look at me - where I was still pretty much screaming and now crying which freaked him out more. Yes, I know it is a little mouse.
Master had only been at work maybe 40 minutes if that - when this happened. His work phone rings and I punch in His extention. He answers and all I can do is cry out, "REAL MOUSE REAL MOUSE!" I am not sure how many times I said it but I know it was at least two.
He says, "okay honey take a deep breath calm down."
I said, "real mouse real mouse," quieter this time.
He said, "where is it?"
I said, "in the kitchen I think under the stove."
He said, "What did the cats do?"
I told him that I scared our boy cat and that the girl cat did not get that the mouse was not in the pantry anymore so she was in there still.
He said, "Okay I am on my way home."
I knew he was ready to try to reason with me but I was crying and sobbing...and well frankly out of control. But He tried just a little anyway.
He said, "you do know that you probably scared the mouse?"
I cried, "yes." But I kept on crying.
His co-workers know that I have a fear of them as they have them at the office and I have seen one there. I did not freak out like I did at home, but I got a little shaken there. So he went to tell the office manager and then his immediate boss that his girl was crying and screaming and scared because she saw a mouse in the house. A REAL mouse.
When I moved in with Master, I took all the cat toys that looked like real mice and put them in a box. Because even the fake mice that looked like real ones scared me. Now all the cat toys that are mouse shaped are in bright colors - hot pink, lime green, purple and orange.
So I stayed on the bed and held the phone until Master came home. He was laughing, but at the same time very understanding of my irrational over the top fear.
He moved things and tried to find the mouse, but He couldn't. But He did discover where it is probably living or the path that it kept to...so He went and got some traps and put them in places along the path. We ended up catching 2 and Master took part places where he felt they might have come in and put steel wool around the holes where pipes come in. And since then we have not had a problem. I thought we had another not too long ago but it was a false alarm....thank goodness!
For about a month after that I did not walk in the house without shoes. I did not sit on the floor. When I would walk into the kitchen I would make lots of noise in order to scare any mice that might be in there. Yes, this is all true!
Also when He got home I had not taken my shower yet but was scared to go in there. He had to scope things out for me before I went to take my shower. He then got my slippers checked to make sure mice were not in them. I knew I needed to have my feet covered as I would totally freak out if the mouse ran over my bare feet. So I was in my slippers all day - that day.
I know it is silly that I have this fear....as I am much bigger then mouse. But it is a fear that I don't feel I will be getting over any time soon. Although I could see the humor from the otherside....from Master's view and outside observers. And am glad that I could amuse them. I am lucky that I have such a wonderful Master that came home and took care of it though...and was very understanding of my irrational fear.
I am making gifts this year so here is some of the ideas/things I am making....
notecards - I noticed now you can get blank cards with envelopes at Walmart - a 50 pack for about $6. I am doing packs of notecards with collages on the front. I am doing them in packs of 4 and 8
calendar - a piece of cardstock and cut them in half for the base. Calendar part could be done with a computer but handing making them....drawing lines and then using rubbers stamps for the numbers. That part would be on the bottom half of the cut piece of cardstock and then the top half is a collage. Bind it all together with a metal clip - you know those binder clips that are black with the silver metal pieces you push to open it up...the metal part is where someone can hang it off a tack or nail.
magnet poetry sets - I blogged about those the other day. Basically typing up words and then printing them off and sticking them to self adhesive magnetic sheets. You can also buy magnetic sheets that are for the printer --- so you could print directly to them. I like this idea being specialized to the person - such as my sister is a history buff and so I could make a poetry set that is all about history.
magnets - just doing a little collage and sticking magnets on it
book-markers - just collaging them and some without a tassel and others will have a tassel of yarn or beaded tassels
journals - taking those mead journals (got them for 50 cents a piece at target) and and painted and collaged the cover (inside and outside covers) On the inside collage I am putting ribbon under the collage so that the journal can be tied shut.
mini notebooks - collaged the front cover
picture frames - picked up frames at the dollar store --they have flat wider frame. Collaging the frame and including photographs of us in them.
mix cds with collaged covers - took the aol free cd and used the fold out card pockets they fit in as a template to make covers for the mix cds. Doing collages to go along with the cd
baking and putting into tins
jar mixes - here is a site that has all sorts of ideas for them.
basket stuffed with goodies - take a basket and make it specialized for the person...if they like coffee do some sample packets of coffee, maybe some chocolate covered spoon and a pretty package of napkins. Or get assorted teas and coffees. Do one with one of the jar mixes of cinnamon pancake mix and a bottle of syrup and a little jar preserves. Make one that has some little notecards in it...a couple of votive candles and maybe a Godiva chocolate bar. Or a paperback book or a few magazines, a bottle of bubble bath and a candle. For baskets it is endless possibilities.
1. What's on your feet? black and pink slipper socks that my Mom gave to me in our daily Christmas package.
2. Turn to your right -- what do you see? TV (not on) sitting on filing cabinet, pottery bowl with the Runes girlie gave me, a little photograph that says dream in the sand that a friend from Ohio gave me on my birthday several years ago and a little plush doggie that is so soft...his name is Duke named after a dog that one of my ex's had as a child (got the doggie while with him.)
3. What is the last thing you ate? a bagel with raspberry jam
4. What can you smell right now? nothing as my nose is stuffed up
5. Do you wear hats? no not really...I used to though
This entry is not going to be very Holiday oriented...not that I plan to strictly keep my posts about the holiday during this time of year but this entry will be a downer for the most part...
As today was kind of a rough day for me...
First I woke up this morning from a nightmare. It was one of those nightmares that happened in real life and I actually went through. So it kind of lingered with me...the feeling from that moment in time. It was hard to shake it off.
Then I looked at my list of things to do and immediately became overwhelmed with all that I need to get done before Christmas (actually much more before Christmas since they need to be mailed to reach destinations before Christmas.)
I then started thinking of one of the things on the list....coloring my hair. I needed to color my hair today as we are going to a party on Saturday and I didn't want my hair to be so grown out of my natural color with a few gray hairs here and there. The party is what upset me probably the most as I am extremely nervous about it. It is with a group of people that I have never socialized with and also in a setting that I am not used to either. So I literally made myself sick this morning worrying about it.
After that I then started thinking of something going on with Master's family - it feels like there is an elephant in the room that everyone is pretending is not there. And that upset me.
So it just seems like there are a lot of stresses banging around my head and I need to get them out.
I do have to say as the day went on I did start to feel better though. And I got my holiday layout done. I was having a problem with the coding not lining up quite right and so Master took a look at it and found the problem for me within 10 minutes. I also changed over to blogger comments so if you have commented recently and don't see it -- that is why.
Christmas time has always been a favorite time of year for me. I think I got that from my Mom…as Christmas is her favorite time of year also. You walk into our house and feel the Christmas spirit. It isn’t just because my Mom decorates our house so beautifully for the holidays…or because there is Christmas music playing….or because you will find lots of presents under the tree…. or because she has lots of sweet holiday treats…it is just that she has a giving kind holiday spirit that she has all the time but I think it is just even more apparent during the holiday time.
So my Mom knowing we will not be coming for Christmas sent us a box that has a present a day to open until Christmas. It arrived on December 2nd. They are just little things and each has a card to go with them that have cute little sayings like…”Here is warm treat for your feet.” It was slipper socks for us. It has been a lot of fun and it was so nice of her to do that for us! Today’s gift was 2 holiday mugs with a little sample of millstone coffee.
I just want to do a quick update...I am extremely tried tonight and was wanting to do a few things but I am just too tired to try. Tomorrow I have an early appointment and then after that I hope to spend the day working on Christmas presents. It is also the start of the Holidailies so I will be updating everyday (crossing fingers and toes) until Jan. 6th. Tomorrow night also is the start of my guilty pleasure....Project Runway. Daddy and I have Polar Express to watch also but I want Daddy to read me the book before we watch it and that is packed with the Christmas things. I hope to also start bringing out the Christmas decorations and maybe decorate the tree tomorrow night or Thursday night.
Master, Birthday's are a celebration....a celebration of life. I hope that your day is enjoyed celebrating YOUR life. You are an incredible man and I am grateful to be your slave. I hope you have a wonderful birthday!
I read this on an elist but I can't find confirmation of it other then link on this quoted section.....and I usually like a few sources on this kind of thing....
"ENFIELD, CT – Michelle Silva thought that things were starting to settle down in her life. She was getting her finances in order and had found that selling home-made bondage videos through her website provided her with the economic independence she needed to accomplish her goals. She had her professional ducks in a row and was preparing for a successful and satisfying future.
In order to comply with all local laws, she possessed the appropriate business zoning permits. In order to comply with national 2257 regulations, she kept appropriate model documentation. Yet on the afternoon of Wednesday, November 16, she says that as many as 30 members of the Enfield Connecticut police force unexpectedly entered her home, repeatedly made derogatory comments about her lifestyle, and confiscated not only all of her computer and internet technology related possessions, but also every piece of bondage furniture and BDSM equipment likewise involved."Read the whole article.
By going to this web site and "lighting" a candle you can help raise MILLIONS of dollars for HIV+ / AIDS organizations around the world. This is at NO COST TO YOU! Bristol-Meyers Squibb has capped the donation at $100,000 but each candle is a show of force.
It's as easy as 1-2-3. Simply … 1) go to the site - it will start with an ad for 'Reyataz', a drug 2) wait for it to load an animation which forms the continents of the World 3) click on a continent to "light a candle". You will be asked to which you want to dedicate your candle: strength, hope, health, love....
For EVERY candle lit BMS will donate one dollar. The donation will be made on World AIDS Day, December 1st. The event will be televised on the TODAY Show (NBC).
Well I just signed up for Holidailies! I have always wanted to participate in them but never had a chance as most of the holiday season I am out of town or have so many other obligations that I didn't have the time for it. But Master said that I could participate this year so I am excited.
I also found another good holiday design for my blog this year and so I am starting to get that pulled together!
If I changed to blogspot commenting tools would it make you stop commenting on my journal?
Because I am thinking of changing to them as I like that they are always there. And with haloscan after a few months they delete them all. So that is my reasoning behind it but wanted to know how it would really affect people commenting on my journal.
Master's post has gotten a lot of attention (thank you for everyone has visited from my blog/lj). In one of the comments left on his blog, someone made mention of the whole group think concept not necessarily being a good thing. The more I started thinking about Master's post the more I realized I had some issues to discuss about the whole group think mentality.
There are some sites that make D/s sound all romantic - hearts and flowers - and there are others that do the "there is only one way to do bdsm." Specifically I can think of 2 websites that are given to almost every new person out there when they ask for a good learning website. I never give them out because of the overly romantic hearts and flowers type notion of D/s they subscribe to. On one of the sites I do like some of the writings but the overall website is too over the top to me. Looking back I actually wished I had never found either of them when I was new as they did give me a skewed view of D/s: there is too much group think which did not correspond with how D/s has been in my life.
This doesn't just apply to those websites there are others communities,websites and discussion lists that also distort D/s and reality. They say they are all inclusive but in reality they aren't....they really want you to just fall into line of the group think. And I know I have backed away from communities and discussion lists because I don't conform to the group think mentality.
That concept really clouded me when I first started to pursue D/s actively...I started to think that the things I desired weren't the "right" way to do D/s. The most valuable learning tool --- instead of conforming to the group think mentality -- was learn about myself. I figured out what I really wanted, desired and needed from life and M/s. I thought about who I am as a person - not just in a BDSM sense but my moral and ethical beliefs, what movies do I like, what my political and spiritual beliefs are....I thought about my emotional baggage that needs to be worked on....I basically took a self inventory. And in the end that helped me more then any website, group, or discussion list figure out D/s that works for me.
I also think it is not a bad thing to discuss and share ideas with others. I know that sometimes when I having problems within my slavery....discussing it with others helps sort out my own feelings. Maybe even hearing what others have done in the similar situations will help me find my path in how to work those struggles out.
So the type of thing Master was talking about in his post was not so much that he doesn't know himself more like -- dominants struggle at times too...they are not perfect, they don't always make the right choices, they don't always lead with foresight....and "hey do others go through this and lets share and discuss it."
The Servants Retreat he refers in his post is....not like a meeting or an event or munch. It was a small group of submissives that basically discussed their baggage and issues that interfere with their submission and life and what they can do about it so that we are serving better. It was not group think, but it was sharing experiences. Master feels a Dominance Retreat should be out there too to discuss and share experience in the daily real world of M/s and D/s. So the Servants Retreat and the Dominants Retreat (now found out there is a Master's Retreat held yearly since Master's post) is much different then the stereotypical event, meeting or munch and not part of the group think and that there is only one way to do BDSM.
I know Master and many dominants do what they believe, want and desire - are strong and confident in themselves -- but it still doesn't mean they have all the answers or don't struggle. And just like everyone else in the world sometimes discussing that with others - like minded others - can be helpful and that is not a bad thing in my book.
I thought I should do an update since I have been quiet for a bit.
We had a nice Thanksgiving. I made cinnamon rolls while Master ran out to get the paper. After I got them in the oven, I called my family to wish them a Happy Thanksgiving. It was a nice chat before we got our day on the way. After eating some breakfast, I made a pumpkin pie and then started preparing the rest of the meal even though we decided we were not eating until 5pm. But I made the sides early so that they would be ready to go. I made some crab ragoon also for a mid-day snack to tide us over until dinner. Everything turned out very good. I made a changes to the traditional feast this year and everything turned out really good especially the wildrice and cornbread stuffing. It was very good.
We just spent the day relaxing. Master watched football. I took a quick nap and read a little.
Friday was not a good day. We woke up with good intentions of going out and taking a drive. So I went in took my shower and started getting ready...I went to the closet to pull my clothes out....and the carpet goes squish under my feet.
So I need to backtrack here some....we have an evaporated cooling system and it needs to be drained and basically put to bed at the end of the summer season. We were warmer later this year so Master didn't put it to bed until the first week in November. The tube that runs the water to the unit is hooked into the hot water heater and then has a shut off valve right in front of the water heater for the cooler. That whole system is behind a hidden panel in our closet....thus the squishing under the feet when walking into the closet.
Master has had problems with the valve in the past -- where it feels like it is shut off but it really isn't. And so that is what happened...the valve broke and water that was still trapped in the piping to the valve decided it needed to come out and did....onto our closet floor. So we had to empty the closet enough to get everything off the wet carpet and moved things out so Master could get in the panel and access the problem.
That is how Friday started off....meant we had to call off our plans and start calling plumbers, blotting up the water, getting the fan going and all the other things needed to start fixing the problem. We got one booked for Saturday morning (8am omg). So we stayed around the house so that we could keep readjusting the fan and monitoring the leak.
The rest of the day also had more hang ups Master and I get in an argument, over something stupid. And then there were family differences. And to top things off.... one of our cats had the 10 o'clock crazies at 9pm and side swiped me - making me fall and twist my back and knee really bad. It hurt a lot on - and made me walk very carefully to bed.
We got up early to get things ready for the plumber to be here (ie: take the cuffs and rope off the bed, put away all the hoods and other toys). I made muffins and we hung out waiting for the plumber - he was there on time and worked quickly and didn't cost as much as I thought it would so that was good. After the plumber left, Master asked me if I would like to go on that drive - and I was quickly saying, "YES." It sounded like a nice way to relax after a stressful Friday. I knew we would not be able to totally relax as there are some family issues still out there. Many things misinterpreted. But we talked and I just enjoyed being with him. After we got home I made lunch and we did a few things around the house. We had dinner (chili that I had in the crockpot most of the day) and watched "Passion of the Mind." Master didn't think he was going to like it but did...I had already seen it several times but enjoyed it -- so wanted to watch it with him.
Sunday was colder and so I spent most of the day snuggled under blankets. When I have been online this weekend I have been hooked on StumbleUpon. I was pretty obsessive about it yesterday! But I have found some really good links....I will be sharing some in another post.
I felt a little stiff but able to walk which surprised me but I have been having twinges of shooting and aching pain every once in a while. Especially because I was so cold.
Oh also Master bought me a new blouse to wear for Christmas parties. It is silky a brilliant fushia blouse that really is a great color on me even though it is much brighter then I usually grab to wear. But Master liked it a lot so of course He bought it.
Been struggling with a migraine all day today but did come up with a good stocking stuffer, mini gift idea --- making my own magnetic poetry sets. I bought these sheets that were magnetic on one side and peel back adhesive on the other. I am going to print off words -- all kinds of words and make my own magnetic poetry sets. I can print the word sheets off and stick them on to the adhesive and cut them apart!
I can do them specialized to fit the person....like my one sister is a big history buff I can do all kind of historical figures and words. And my other sister is a teacher and I could do one that maybe she could even keep at school -- that her kids might like too. So just my little idea for the day.