End of 2013 and the start of 2014

Life Update in  bullet points...

* Destiny - In October, Master and I started seeing someone local.  Her name is Destiny.  Master and I are both head over heels for her...as she is fabulous!  We are over 3 months in now and still have some of the honeymoon phase going on, but we all have settled into a normalcy that is really good. We connect as to her individually, but also all together.  She serves Master and is his submissive.  She is my girlfriend. And together all 3 of us are a family. I will write more about her and how things are progressing at another time. But for now we are a family and we are all very happy.

* Tied Up - For the first time 10 years, I was touched by another man.  Master has been the only man to touch in me in the 10 years I have been with him. A local group started a Rope Bite. You get together and practice rope bondage. I have always loved rope bondage and it isn't something Master is overly fond of...he does it, but not his favorite type of bondage.  Anyway, a good friend was going and Master asked if he needed a rope bottom for it and lent me to our friend for the evening.  Now it was totally over the clothes practicing rope, but to have a man touch me even over the clothes in such an intimate way - well again first time in 10 years.  Let's just say I was nervous.  Yep me who has been with a few men in my time was nervous. Our friend was very kind and conscientious of my anxieties.  I really enjoyed myself.  He tied me in ways that made me hurt so good for days. I loved it and I am so very grateful to him for allowing me to be his bottom. I hope we are able do it again sometime.  He is an amazing man and I am so glad he moved to our community.

* Holidays - We were out of town for almost 3 weeks straight after Thanksgiving into December. So I didn't get the tree up until 8 days before Christmas. I didn't get any cards or packages mailed out this year. I didn't get to do many of my usual things like bake. But I will tell you Thanksgiving and Christmas were absolutely fabulous! Having Destiny being a part our holidays just made it so special. Our Thanksgiving and Christmas was just us 3.  It was lovely and fun. We watched Polar Express in the evening of Thanksgiving.  We did other traditions with her such as going around and looking at lights and decorating the tree together. We create great memories.  Our families are getting used to us talking about Destiny and her being here with us as part of our family. 

* Family - I haven't seen my bio family in over a year so missing them. My Grandma also died just before Christmas.  She was 97 years old and been ready for quite some time.  I have been detached from it mostly, but at odd times having it hit me. 

* Travel - We have had lots of little mini-trips around the state. We went to Boulder. Then right after Christmas we went to Denver. We did touristy things like going to the Denver Art Museum.  We had a large hotel room where we were able to enjoy a king size bed as we only have a queen at home.  Destiny and I dressed up slutty for Master.  Our night was hot and sexy - sex and SM late into the night - yums!

We did have a funny moment in Target though earlier as we didn't pack condoms or lube - yeah I know what is up with that? Anyway, I hadn't bought condoms in a while and neither had Destiny so here it is her and I going into buy condoms.  We standing looking at all the condoms and trying to decide which ones we should get. Finally we get a package, turn around, and there is a couple standing right behind us - waiting to look at condoms.  I am sure our conversation made them wonder what the heck is going on....2 women buying condoms like we never have....I am sure they thought we were 2 lesbians who picked up a man to try it out. lol  :)  Anyway thank goodness we got the condoms, because oh they were used. Destiny riding Master is such a hot sight. Oh yeah so sexy.  We are damn lucky to have such a sexy beautiful woman.  So grateful we met her. 

* Friends -  I know in September, I said we were more active in the local community.  Well we kind of dropped out of it again. One reason - we started seeing Destiny. When I say seeing her -  I mean we see each other everyday for the last 3 month except when Master and I have work/business out of town and she can't come with us.  We are living our dream life and it is hard to fit other things in. Really we haven't even seen the kinky friends we are close to that often either.  We are missing them and hope to get together with everyone soon. Unfortunately we are like that new couple that doesn't contact their friends when they are seeing someone new because they are so into each other...yeah we are all so into each other are kind of oblivious to others outside us. Often we see stuff posted online and go hmm must of have missed what that is about because it doesn't even make sense to us as we are so outside it all right now and so into each other. 

* Sharing - I did a little talk for a group of submissive on service. I remembered, although it makes me nervous, I do like sharing information and ideas. I am going to have that talk and some additional thoughts on service up on our website soon.

* Therapist - I came out to my therapist about BDSM.  Now she knows everything.  It helped her put things in perspective a little differently. A few things made more sense to her.  And as always she was fabulous when I came out to her about it. She gets it so well. She sees where I struggle and why and in a BDSM context.  She loves Destiny and thinks she is a positive force in my life as Destiny has made me see myself slightly differently. I was on this course last year of really allowing some of the parts of me that I turned of to come back out and play and Master has been great about it too, but Destiny being a woman has helped me understand parts of myself better by seeing myself through her eyes.  Not sure that is making sense, but I just know she has helped me and my therapist sees it too.

* Art & Photography - Both are playing huge part in my life. It is something I do with a good group of friends as well as Destiny too.  I know art and photography are going to continue to play a big part of my 2014.

Really I am just so grateful that 2013 was a year filled with ups and downs, but overall joy and love which makes it a truly beautiful year. I look forward to 2014 as I know it is going to be fabulous!

Happy Holidays!

This year has been the least I have blogged. But I don't want to give up writing here so I hope those of you that read will keep hanging on with me. And I hope that I will be able to write more this next year.

We have had an incredibly busy but good year. I am very thankful for all we have in our lives...especially each other. Master and I recently were saying we might not like where we live and need a bigger home but we are blessed we have a roof over our head with so many out there struggling to make mortgage payments. We have a business that keeps growing. It pays our bills and allows us to do some fun things. It allows us to be together all the time. I remember when I was nervous 2 years ago that we might have problems adjusting to being around each other all the time but it was quite the opposite. We enjoy all the time we have together...whether during work or play it is all time we have together we count as one of our blessings.

Some simple pleasures of right now...

A white Christmas - snow on the ground and more coming our way
Christmas carols playing
Cookies and candies on the table
the tree all decorated even added an Obama ornament to it today
Hot apple cider in a cute Christmas mug

And tonight we will have dinner and then do one my favorite traditions with Master...go look at Christmas lights.

I know these are just a few things but recognize that I have many things to be counting as blessings in my life.

I wish all of you Happy Holidays!

Happy Holidays!

Well we leave today (I can't sleep so here right now so up typing), we had some delays due to Master's work and just so much still to do here. Reminder I will be gone for almost 2 weeks so there most likely won't be any or few posts during that time.

A couple of things...

I hope everyone has VERY Happy Holidays!

My Master's post is incredible! I love Him very much and am very blessed to have Him in my life.

And finally....

There is a meme going around on LiveJournal called...10 Small Pleasures

Ten Small Pleasures
1. Christmas Tree decorated and twinkling during the evening while I sip a cup of mulled cider.
2. Chocolate
3. Getting mail (snail mail)
4. Drawing with charcoal
5. Getting unexpected calls from friends I have not talked to in a while
6. Day trips...driving around and just enjoying nature
7. Seeing someone get pleasure from something I did for them (such as our neighbors being so happy to get goodies from us)
8. Christmas music
9. wool socks that keep my feet warm
10. Master snuggling up to me in the morning and waking me with rough caresses...followed by wonderful sex.

Those are small pleasures....

All of them add up to so much more. Life is full of so many wonderful things...

Family and friends...
Hugs and kisses...
Laughter and tears...

And right now I am very thankful and feel very blessed to have so many wonderfully special people and things in my life.

I hope that everyone has a wonderful Christmas filled with peace, joy and love!

3 months

I just realized as I posted that entry that it is the 9th today. I have been chatting with Sir Nick for 3 months today :)

*kisses to HIM*

peace,
danae

the decision is yours

Let's see....

Heard from Jim's mom. He is okay. I knew he was though. I just knew it. I knew he was suppose to be in NYC around this time but knew either he was and safe or he had just left and was safe. I just felt it. I was with him for 13 years total (dating and marriage) and feel him at times.

I heard from Sir Nick via email. I miss him VERY much. I am proud of him.

I wrote him back and almost typed I love you at the bottom. Not that I am in love with him...at least not yet....we have not even met real life yet. But because I care so much about him that I love him. Like I love Di I guess. Or some level in between Di and in love. I love very easily. Not that he is just someone else to add to my list of those I love. He is special and I know that. I feel that.

Okay was just looking at an astrology site - looking for horoscope and they had a link to something called Karma Sign. Here is what it said on what the Karma Sign is....

Karma Sign by astrology.com

Saturn is the Planet of Karma. Saturn is a strong disciplinarian and teaches us our lessons this lifetime. At times, this planet can be restricting and inhibiting. Joy is experienced once the lessons of Saturn have been learned. To understand your Karmic lesson, find what Sign Saturn was in at the time of your birth. This will reveal your Karmic Sign.
Remember, your Karma Sign is different from your Sun Sign or Star Sign!

So I entered my birthday here is what it said...wow...

Karma Sign: Libra by astrology.com

Trying to find in others what is lacking in yourself often results in pain and disappointment. Somehow you always seem to end up with a partner who doesn't quite understand you, who limits and hinders you. The partner you choose may also be somewhat older or have a conservative outlook on life. As a result you may move from one bad relationship to the next, or stay in one relationship and take the role of martyr -- never realizing your true motivation. If you come to terms with the fact that you may not want to fully connect with another -- out of your own fear of intimacy -- there is potential for growth and understanding that you have the capacity of fulfillment within yourself. Your relationship can be source of suffering or of personal growth -- the decision is yours.

I think it was a little over a year ago when I realized at Laz and Aydeen's that I fear intimacy. I knew it but I never said it outloud until them. I never got that before then that it was a "real" problem in my life.

I wonder if I ever read stuff like that in the past and did not get it or let myself get it? I mean it seems like I read things like that and I am like wow...that is so true. But I usually read it after I have figured it out on my own.

I want pain really bad...I know doing my usual thing skipping around.

I want pain really bad. The Sadist contacted me on Tuesday night and he asked if we would get together again. Sir will I am sure not let me, but oh how I want what he gave me before.

I was just talking to someone online that made me blush. It made me think of Sir Nick and think of blushing with him...I do a lot. He was funny. He first talked to me and thought okay this girl cannot blush this much in real life as she says she does. But after doing voice chat he can hear it in my voice also when I am blushing and he is like damn you really do blush a lot. lol

I am real. I am told that a lot. You are real. That my website is very clear and thought out and shows I am real. Sir Nick after one evening of talking to me kept saying that that I was real. I am who I say I am. I feel I am...not always that way. Hard to be who I want to be. Illusions - was the word that just popped into my head. And with that word we all know what I think of....Todd. Thought of him several times today.

To Sir Nick….I miss you very much. *kisses*

Good night...

peace,
danae

Okay!

My friend is okay!!!! I just got an email from him. He "felt the impact but no damage to him." Thank God! I started crying just so happy he is okay.

peace,
danae

Sep. 11, 2001

Well, wow how to describe a day like today. I am not sure I can......

As everyone knows...the US was attacked today by terrorist....

Timeline...

Tuesday, Sep. 11, 2001
Plane crashes into tower of World Trade Center in lower Manhattan, shortly before 9 a.m. Eastern. Second plane crashes into the second tower of the World Trade Center, shortly after 9 a.m. Eastern. An aircraft crashes near Pentagon, just outside of Washington D.C., in Northern Virginia, about an hour after the attacks in New York. Government buildings in Washington, including the Capitol and the White House, are evacuated with officials citing a credible threat of a terrorist attack. The Federal Aviation Administration shuts down all aircraft takeoffs nationwide...first time in history. Shortly after 10 a.m. Eastern, one World Trade Center tower in New York collapses, about an hour after being hit by plane. Officials at Somerset County Airport say a large plane crashes in western Pennsylvania, about 80 miles southeast of Pittsburgh, at about 10 a.m. The second tower of the World Trade Center collapses at 10:28 a.m. Eastern. Fourth explosion rocks the collapsed remains of the World Trade Center, at about 10:38 a.m.

My day.....

Today I took Kam to work and then did not have the radio on. Got to where I needed to be and was still not listening to the radio and TV. It was about 11am when I happen to catch a glance at a TV and saw a building on fire and someone talking about Cleveland Hopkins was closed down. I had my phone on silent and looked down and saw that Sir Nick had called. So I went and called him. He was the one that ended up telling me what was going on. I felt numb. I heard his words....and voice. It just was so unreal. It was made me kind of numb right then. I have felt distant and not sure but I guess that almost made me feel more distant. Not with him though just the world in general.

I heard his voice. He told me about the pentagon and I thought of someone I know that works for them. I still have not heard from that person and I am very worried about him. He was on vacation last week and all I could think was why couldn't it of been this week.

It is amazing this has happened.....I am not sure I feel it and other times I feel great sadness creep over me. I took my necklace off today and felt anxiety but I thought it was work related that I sometimes go through. But now I wonder. I was done with work and I felt shaky and remembered my necklace and put it back on and was okay. *shrugs*

I think Jim was suppose to be in NYC this week. I am not for sure. I wrote Jim's mom. My mom called me and I tried to call back but all the circuits were busy.

It is just all so surreal.

He was great on the phone. Telling me things that meant the world to me. He is so good to me....considerate. He signed online tonight and I know it was just to make me feel better even though he is so tired. I started to cry tonight as he chatted with me. And I am not sure why...I told Di. She said because you care about him. I do. Weird you think I would have got that by now. That I care about him.

I guess what happens when tragedy happens you think about those that you care about and see their place in your life.

I wish everyone peace and serenity tonight.....

danae

Band of Brothers - Friends - Family

Today is the 9th of September. August 9th Sir Nick and I first started talking. :)

I just remembered today was the 9th. It is 11:39pm and I just remembered. I have had a horrible day and one thing after another going wrong. And now I remember this.....it is the good thing of my day :)

I have like a few things I want to write about....Band of Brothers, Bad Day, Kam, Jackie (but that will probably not make the blogger but will be wrote about because I need to journal on that ONE LOTS!), Di, Todd (ugghh), Sir Nick....well the list could go on and on lol

Nothing like multi-tasking. I am really bad at it too. I am talking to Di. Doing work. And writing in my journal lol So going slow.

Band of Brothers....

I have never seen Private Ryan. I know most people have but I have not. I have problems seeing movies about war. Kam asked me about that tonight. I cry after military movies for long times - they hurt me to watch usually. I know this sounds really strange but it does. Kam said why can you watch Tears of Endearment and cry for a while and be okay not a military movie. I told him Terms of Endearment could be a real story just like war movies - the feelings the things that happen are most likely real things that happened - but the difference is the amount of pain. In terms of Endearment - one person dies and a family is affected. In a war movie MANY die and MANY are affected and I feel all that pain and suffering. There have been movies about Vietnam that I cry and have nightmares for weeks after.

One reason I am watching Band of Brothers is Sir Nick. He loves the book and he has met a few of the people the book is written about in real life. :)

Okay 12:02 and Band of Brothers is coming on again....and Nick is watching it right now....:)

Bad day...

I have felt odd for now 2 days. I was not getting that across to Sir Nick though. Di was getting it but to explain it to him I just did not know how. It was not just that I was tired and had one thing go wrong after another it was more then that and how do you explain that...when you can't really identify it. I tried to call him last night after I logged off. It rang a few times but no answer. I knew he was sacked out. So I did not even leave a message.

Tonight when Sir figured it out he wanted me to talk to him but I couldn't. I just felt like since the day he has started to get to know me that he has seen all this ickiness.

I am a wimp. I admit it openly. I have told Sir several times that I would never survive a day in the military.....but then tonight I had images of things Don did to me flash through my head. How did I survive that? What made me get through it and get up each time he did those things and go back for more? Why did I not leave sooner?

Kam

I have not written a lot about him lately. I really never do because it has always bothered him people reading about his life and things he does not want "discussed." Kam has changed a lot since January. He fully admits his mistakes. He still makes some and he gets better and better each day. He had a bad day along with me today. And then to top it off tonight he got an email that was well....I will not even comment on that. Anyway, he handled it great. He was worried about me. Worried how I was handling it. Yes, he was upset very upset but he was worried about me. He has done that many times he just sucks it up because he wants to make sure I am okay. I talk about Nick and he has been great. I do not mention him lots but the things Nick and him have in common. I often wonder why I don't stay and make things work with him but I guess even though I think he is great and he has learned so much I know we are still not compatible and so I do not think it will work. I also have issues. I do not know how to get over past stuff. He has and I have not. *sigh* He loves me lots....Jim did too.....Morgan did....I hurt them all.

Jackie

Most of what I have written is edited out for blogger.

What I am going to leave here and talk about it kindness I guess...

I do not have much money but I get along. Not all my bills get paid regularly but not like I am worrying about if I will have a roof over my head. There was a time when I did though.

I give everything...to everyone. I would give my shirt off my back to the people that work for me, family, or friends. I have. I lent $400 to someone and when I lend money I never expect it back...she never paid me back and then ended up not being loyal...but I lent the money to someone that needed it...and that is all that mattered at that time. Since January I have probably lent/given/done things for people that come close or even go over $2000. Would I take back any of those times I did that? NEVER. The people I do things for - lend money too - and give things for....I do because that is who I am and because they are friends and family....even co-workers are friends to me.

I considered Jackie family. I guess it is not true the other way around. I just do not get people why they do the things they do. I would never hurt others as they have hurt me. Where is kindness? Compassion? Love?

Does everyone live in their own world and not see anything else?

I am upset and angry right now so some of this is probably coming across harsh or just angry....and I am.

I love Jackie and it hurts me that she has done the things she has. They make NO SENSE to me.

Di

I am worried about her. She better go to the doctor if she is not feeling well still tomorrow!

I feel very lucky to have met her and have her as my friend. She is the GREATEST!

Todd

Di and I went to lunch with Kam and another friend of ours. And then Di and I went the mall yesterday. We had an interesting talk about Todd.

What I really do not like is that he got into her life and stirred it up too. Not only did he mess with me but I let him mess with my best friend. Uggghh that pisses me off more then anything. I let him around her and her family and He does not care about anyone but himself. I just want to slap him.

Sir Nick....

Well, after I have written this long blogger and did some venting...

I smile when I get to his name....and feel good.

I do not think he and I have been connecting the last 2 days and it might be just because we both have had lots going on and are getting over tired. I know work/class is making his weeks long....since he has not had a day off now in a while. And he spends every night talking with me. So I am sure he has some stress building up just from not being able to relax fully. He is doing really good though...handling it. I am proud of him. :)

He is watching Band of Brothers right now...

I wonder what he thinks of it.

I wish I was watching it with him. I would love to watch him watching it. And also hear what he has to say about it there in person. I can't wait to hear what he has to say about it after watching it tonight.

Sir is right...I need to just go to bed and start a new day tomorrow.

Soooo that is what I am going to try to do.....will be the earliest I have been to bed in ages.

peace,
danae

Anniversary...

I thought since it was 2 years ago today that Honey and I were in Little Rock that I would just give her a special I love you here....



I love you


Honey!


always, danae

Christmas Eve

As a child this used to be one of my most favorite days. We would go to my grandparents. They lived on a farm. It was so beautiful as it would always be a white Christmas as I grew up in North Dakota. (The alien state – private joke between Kam, Jackie and I).

My grandparents attended a small country church that is so beautiful...covered in snow. It would always be a very good service – candlelight service. All the lights would be turned off. Then one person would have a lit candle and one by one the light passed lighting each candle in the church creating a warm glow radiating. The silence as we all did this too was a power quiet that would always give me goosebumps. It always was a very meaningful service for me even as a child.

My grandpa would leave early and make reindeer tracks and also boot tracks into the house. I would get back to their place and be so happy seeing those tracks….knowing Santa came.

We always sang Christmas songs, drank wassail, ate and ate and ate all sorts of food, and then my Uncle would read the Christmas Story from the bible. We opened presents after that. I would fall asleep curled up under the piano clutching my new doll or toy.

I know I love Christmas because my mom made our house feel magical during Christmas. It was full of light, love and joy of the season.

So tonight I think of my family and also my friends and wish everyone a very joyous holiday!

peace & serenity,
danae
danaewhispering@yahoo.com