Band of Brothers - Friends - Family

Today is the 9th of September. August 9th Sir Nick and I first started talking. :)

I just remembered today was the 9th. It is 11:39pm and I just remembered. I have had a horrible day and one thing after another going wrong. And now I remember this.....it is the good thing of my day :)

I have like a few things I want to write about....Band of Brothers, Bad Day, Kam, Jackie (but that will probably not make the blogger but will be wrote about because I need to journal on that ONE LOTS!), Di, Todd (ugghh), Sir Nick....well the list could go on and on lol

Nothing like multi-tasking. I am really bad at it too. I am talking to Di. Doing work. And writing in my journal lol So going slow.

Band of Brothers....

I have never seen Private Ryan. I know most people have but I have not. I have problems seeing movies about war. Kam asked me about that tonight. I cry after military movies for long times - they hurt me to watch usually. I know this sounds really strange but it does. Kam said why can you watch Tears of Endearment and cry for a while and be okay not a military movie. I told him Terms of Endearment could be a real story just like war movies - the feelings the things that happen are most likely real things that happened - but the difference is the amount of pain. In terms of Endearment - one person dies and a family is affected. In a war movie MANY die and MANY are affected and I feel all that pain and suffering. There have been movies about Vietnam that I cry and have nightmares for weeks after.

One reason I am watching Band of Brothers is Sir Nick. He loves the book and he has met a few of the people the book is written about in real life. :)

Okay 12:02 and Band of Brothers is coming on again....and Nick is watching it right now....:)

Bad day...

I have felt odd for now 2 days. I was not getting that across to Sir Nick though. Di was getting it but to explain it to him I just did not know how. It was not just that I was tired and had one thing go wrong after another it was more then that and how do you explain that...when you can't really identify it. I tried to call him last night after I logged off. It rang a few times but no answer. I knew he was sacked out. So I did not even leave a message.

Tonight when Sir figured it out he wanted me to talk to him but I couldn't. I just felt like since the day he has started to get to know me that he has seen all this ickiness.

I am a wimp. I admit it openly. I have told Sir several times that I would never survive a day in the military.....but then tonight I had images of things Don did to me flash through my head. How did I survive that? What made me get through it and get up each time he did those things and go back for more? Why did I not leave sooner?

Kam

I have not written a lot about him lately. I really never do because it has always bothered him people reading about his life and things he does not want "discussed." Kam has changed a lot since January. He fully admits his mistakes. He still makes some and he gets better and better each day. He had a bad day along with me today. And then to top it off tonight he got an email that was well....I will not even comment on that. Anyway, he handled it great. He was worried about me. Worried how I was handling it. Yes, he was upset very upset but he was worried about me. He has done that many times he just sucks it up because he wants to make sure I am okay. I talk about Nick and he has been great. I do not mention him lots but the things Nick and him have in common. I often wonder why I don't stay and make things work with him but I guess even though I think he is great and he has learned so much I know we are still not compatible and so I do not think it will work. I also have issues. I do not know how to get over past stuff. He has and I have not. *sigh* He loves me lots....Jim did too.....Morgan did....I hurt them all.

Jackie

Most of what I have written is edited out for blogger.

What I am going to leave here and talk about it kindness I guess...

I do not have much money but I get along. Not all my bills get paid regularly but not like I am worrying about if I will have a roof over my head. There was a time when I did though.

I give everything...to everyone. I would give my shirt off my back to the people that work for me, family, or friends. I have. I lent $400 to someone and when I lend money I never expect it back...she never paid me back and then ended up not being loyal...but I lent the money to someone that needed it...and that is all that mattered at that time. Since January I have probably lent/given/done things for people that come close or even go over $2000. Would I take back any of those times I did that? NEVER. The people I do things for - lend money too - and give things for....I do because that is who I am and because they are friends and family....even co-workers are friends to me.

I considered Jackie family. I guess it is not true the other way around. I just do not get people why they do the things they do. I would never hurt others as they have hurt me. Where is kindness? Compassion? Love?

Does everyone live in their own world and not see anything else?

I am upset and angry right now so some of this is probably coming across harsh or just angry....and I am.

I love Jackie and it hurts me that she has done the things she has. They make NO SENSE to me.

Di

I am worried about her. She better go to the doctor if she is not feeling well still tomorrow!

I feel very lucky to have met her and have her as my friend. She is the GREATEST!

Todd

Di and I went to lunch with Kam and another friend of ours. And then Di and I went the mall yesterday. We had an interesting talk about Todd.

What I really do not like is that he got into her life and stirred it up too. Not only did he mess with me but I let him mess with my best friend. Uggghh that pisses me off more then anything. I let him around her and her family and He does not care about anyone but himself. I just want to slap him.

Sir Nick....

Well, after I have written this long blogger and did some venting...

I smile when I get to his name....and feel good.

I do not think he and I have been connecting the last 2 days and it might be just because we both have had lots going on and are getting over tired. I know work/class is making his weeks long....since he has not had a day off now in a while. And he spends every night talking with me. So I am sure he has some stress building up just from not being able to relax fully. He is doing really good though...handling it. I am proud of him. :)

He is watching Band of Brothers right now...

I wonder what he thinks of it.

I wish I was watching it with him. I would love to watch him watching it. And also hear what he has to say about it there in person. I can't wait to hear what he has to say about it after watching it tonight.

Sir is right...I need to just go to bed and start a new day tomorrow.

Soooo that is what I am going to try to do.....will be the earliest I have been to bed in ages.

peace,
danae