Smart Ass

I just had several interesting conversations....today

Side Note: I wrote some of this today about 2:30 and posted it but did not publish and then finished it up at 12:30 so that is why it talks about tonight in it.

One with....the local Dominant that wants me to be his.....he expressed his desires tonight to me. And then with A today. A told me he after reading my journal that he feels I do not have much respect for him. That is so not true. I am a smart ass with A lots. And I guess one reason is because A does not allow it. Others get frustrated with it and just say good bye (works like a charm that way lol) And with A he does not take my crap. I do respect him a lot. He is a wise man. And given me good advice. I am still thinking of Sir Nick always. I miss him lots. I write him long rambling emails. I am sure he is getting sick of them lol I heard from SM today. He was letting me know things are crazy at work but that he is okay. I was glad he wrote me. I had written him a few times last week and so it was nice to hear back that he was okay.

I need to be doing work but not feeling like it at all lol nothing like being a procrastinator. I am listening to the new Garbage song. I like it :) I read somewhere that they are going to open for U2....that would be really cool to see Garbage and U2 together :)

I had something slightly disturbing happen tonight. Sir Rob said he tried to message me a few times earlier on yahoo and I did not answer. I was not on when when messaged. Only one person has my password. :( It could have been a yahoo gliche but maybe not either.

I feel really at odds on how to help Di right now with all she is going through. I feel like there is more I should be doing.

Lisa (she hosted the GNO a few weekends ago) and I were talking about sub drop in some emails the last couple days. I went to sub drop a few times in my life. There have been times I thought I would have sub drop when I did not though. The play partner that I have mentioned on the past that I called Sir - I did a few times with. And then I did with Todd almost always. That should tell me something. I wonder why sub drop happens? I mean it seems to not have really any set pattern. I had sub drop after have a great scene and going sub space with Sir. And then after one where I could not let go and just be...I had sub drop the next day. And then when I had Moni, Lucar and Michael bring me tears...I did not have sub drop and I thought I might with that.

Now listening to Remy Zero Save me....another good one.

I had a nightmare last night. I miss Nick.

Confused. What is NEW LOL

One of the message boards I belong to is talking about Porn Stars right now asking favorites.....

I have not seen many porn movies. But I was doing a search on some of the people that were listed and they are all very pretty women but not real. Not sure that makes sense. They are not the woman you would meet down the street you know. Anyway I few of the porn stars have pictures when they are not all made up and I liked them better. lol They were talking on this board that Rocco has done some kinky things. I would like to see what these people consider kinky lol

It is strange my perception on things is so strange....jaded maybe. Things that seem okay to me - might not be to others who have not went through the experiences I have. Like how I talk with A and the other Dominants I am sure others think that is strange or wrong. Maybe it is.....but it me. Even though I have changed.....it.....from how it would have been 4 years ago.

I was reading through some past entries in my blogger. It must be very hard to read I jump ALL over the place. But it is really how I am. This is how I talk too. Nick always said that is one reason he liked me. I am always real. Real online, the phone, my blogger....he said very sensitive and expressive. He told me he can't wait to see my face - my eyes and see how expressive they are because my voice is very expressive as well as my words and all i do. *crying*

good night...

peace,
danae