Closer to Him

Not even sure what to write today.

I feel the need to write. But most of it will not come out.

I have talked to Sir Nick a few times in the last few days. That has been great. Today he was different then he probably has ever been with me. And not that it was a bad thing.

It is one of those weeks where I want to just disappear. Maybe go to Nick's lol

Attention.....

I am an attention slut lol I admit it.

It has been hard and Sir Nick has spoiled me beyond belief lol He gave me soooo much time and attention that now I want it still even though he is not able to give it to me right now. Past things with me I hate being alone. Still do. But this is not the same feeling. I just want attention.

Anyway I have been getting attention and tonight I felt guilty about it for the first time. So far it has been just chatting with a couple of Dominants. But after talking to Sir today I felt something....something different. More. And then so when I talked to someone else I felt guilt.

I was just talking to Di telling her. Sir was different today. And actually the last few times I have talked to him I feel him bringing me close to him. Even though he is busy working. It is like he does things and makes me feel like "You are MINE and don't forget it for one moment." And he never comes out and says that....but he makes me feel that way.

He also does not exert his dominance really it is so subtle. I look back and I go wow...you just made me walk this path purposely.....he makes me walk into things all the time. I make confessions....open up and walk right where he wants me even if I had no intentions of going that direction. He makes me answer ALL his questions even those that make me squirm. And that is the reason he does lol. But you know how many Dominants miss that one? Mistress DM does not let me not answer her questions either.

He compels me to submit to him. He does things that make me want to please him and serve him and submit to him. And he is just being himself lol

I am a control freak and with Sir Nick I am not. I feel changes more and more. I feel how I think changing.

Di and I ended up talking about Todd tonight. I have had him in my thoughts a lot lately. He was in a dream the other night he had that smirk on his face the one he would use to make me feel like it was my fault. And it pissed me off that he took space up in my head. I actually was doing what I did with him started with the doubts and then I looked at him and said NO.

Di and I were talking about a dream she has and that made me think I have not had the dream of my house with Nick. I have had many dreams of Nick but they are always where he is at...or at least what I think his place looks like in my mind.

I told Di, I wished today I could be at his place and be surrounded by his things.

I think Sir needed a release today. He was different. I know he gave me a release I needed.

Babbling...

good night...

peace,
danae