February Roundup & a Giveaway

Just a reminder that I am blogging over on our website now...

February Roundup 
Little Things
It's a Marathon
Overheard Here
Yes it's Valentine's Day...But..
Question the Details


PLUS 

Our website is having a birthday. We are celebrating 2014 with 6 giveaways. (count it SIX!!!) The first giveaway started last night: a brand new set of leather wrist and ankle cuffs - all the 411 details and how to enter: within Reality's Birthday Giveaway

Good luck! And may the odds be forever in your favor. :)

Milestones

Twenty years in the lifestyle this month. I have been kinky longer than 20 years, but I found words for who I am 20 years ago. I remember doing a search online and stumbling upon an AOL bulletin board for submissives. I read threads and nodded along to many things said. I decided shortly after I wanted to know more. I sought out everything I could - discussions groups, books and offline and online community. Eventually I found many groups, but there was 2 groups I consider my home groups: SMART which is still around in Cleveland, Ohio. It has grown so much.  I am really proud of them and all the amazing education they do and bringing community together.  The other group isn't around anymore, but they were called Carpe Diem and they were based out of Akron. They were really good at making everyone feel so welcome and it did feel like home because it was so comfortable.

Those groups as well as many other groups and events across the country - have helped me grow and learn in these last 20 years. I have met amazing people and learned so much about myself. Twenty years in and I am still as passionate about the lifestyle.  Still passionate about being a slave. Of course there has been ups and downs, but all these years it has still been a part of my being to be a slave and connect with other like minded kinky people.   

Thirteen years of blogging about my life. The end of October, I passed 13 years of blogging about my life.  I have went through ups and downs. I have struggled to figure out who I was and come to a place of peace and acceptance being a his slave. I have posted emotional vomit, deep thoughts, drama filled, silly, bouncing all over, daily life, sex, SM, life as a slave, things that caught my eye, made me think, and amused me. But I wrote to keep growing and learning about myself and be true to me.

My posting habits have fluctuated over the years.  I used to post quite a lot - looking down at the archives on the sidebar - you can see a number behind each year/month.  In 2002, I had the highest number of posts - 420.  In 2010, I had 30.  Early on in blogging, I was trying to figure out what I wanted and who I was because after breaking things off with Kam I felt lost. Now my life is in a place where I always wanted it, so I don't blog as much. It doesn't always occur to me write when I am living this life I dreamed about for years.

I have known from day one of putting things out on the internet - I would get negative comments and people who didn't agree with me and when you post on the internet you need to know that.  It helped me grow though hearing those other views. Seeing things from a different point of view often helped me clarify my own even more. It has been a huge learning and growing experience for me and so glad I have kept up with it for 13 years here on blogger.  

Eleven years being owned by Master on February 1st.  11 years ago Master and I stood on a busy street in Denver and he reached in his pocket, took out a heavy hardware chain and lock, slipped it around my neck, and locked it in place. No words were exchanged.  He lifted my chin to meet his eyes and the unspoken words claimed me as His property. There was no words asking me if I would be his slave. No words of asking for consent.  It was just a knowing of yes this is right for us and claiming me right there.

I remember I did not touch at first because I knew if I did I would start crying and we were about to be going into a store. So of course I did not want tears in there. Later in the car Master told me to touch it and the tears started flowing in the realization of it - the meaning of it and that I was really owned by him.  I had felt enslaved to him before that moment, but that moment made it real for me. No denying it.

Eleven years later, I am still His just as I was that day. Each year just seems better and stronger.  Feeling incredibly blessed to serve and love him. I look forward to each day with him. I love how we explore our dreams and fantasies together all while keeping our feet grounded in reality. It has been an amazing journey and I look forward to seeing it unfold in the years to come.  

Ten years of withinReality.com. We are celebrating 10 years of having our website in March.  As of the 1st of February, I am moving my blog to our website. Some of my writing from this blog will move over there, but some will stay here. I won't be deleting this blog. I will be posting highlights every so often so that you can come visit me over on withinReality.com.  Master is also moving his blog over there.  Eventually Destiny might blog over there too. She is new to the lifestyle so I think it is a good perspective to add to our views.

I love my life. I am extremely passionate about the lifestyle and being a slave. Writing is an outlet to express that passion. So I will hopefully be blogging about it many more years. I look forward to writing and sharing many of them. I am always changing and growing and my blog has helped me in that journey over the years and know it will continue to help me in that as I pass many more milestones.

Please head over to withinReality.com to not only read our blog, but see essays on the lifestyle and learn more about us. We will also be doing some giveaways in 2014 to celebrate our website turning 10 years so please make sure to check out the blog in March for that announcement. I want to thank everyone who has supported me here at this blog and hope you will follow me to the new blog on within Reality.

10 years

7 days after he collared me

We are celebrating 10 years together today. 10 years ago Master picked me up at the airport where we were hugging and kissing like high school kids. I flew into Denver so before we headed to his small town, we  stopped at a fetish store in the big city. When we got out of the car, he had me stand at  right there on the curb.  He reached in his pocket and took out a heavy hardware type chain and lock.  His fingers slipped it around my neck and locked it in place. No words were exchanged.  He lifted my chin to meet his eyes and the unspoken words claimed me as His property. There was no words asking me if I would be his slave. No words of asking for consent.  It was just a knowing of yes this is right for us and claiming me right there. 

I remember I did not touch at first because I knew if I did I would start crying and we were about to be going into a store. So of course I did not want tears in there. Later in the car Master told me to touch it and the tears started flowing in the realization of it - the meaning of it and that I was really owned by Him.  I had felt enslaved to him before that moment, but that moment made it real for me. No denying it.  

I am so thankful for 10 years of serving him and walking this path together. I adore serving him still 10 years later. It has been AMAZING! 

Rehash

* I have a new therapist as my previous one left the office I go to so I had to start seeing a new one.  It has been stressful but I do like her and she is open minded. I really worried  about her not being accepting of the poly or some things in my life. I do think she would have a problem with the M/s - just like I thought my last therapist would have too but the poly she is completely fine with. 


* She and I are going to be rehashing some things I am not looking forward to rehashing. I really feel I have dealt with a lot of things but looking at my history I can see how those times in my life are a direct link to my self-esteem and body image issues. So it makes sense to rehash them - just not looking forward to what it will bring up. 


* 10 years ago I closed the escort agency. WOW 10 years? It doesn't seem that long ago really. Last Sunday evening teacup was mentioning she was going to watch the Grammy's and then my odd associate with the Grammy's came up. Probably the last time I watched the Grammy's also...the night of the Grammy's 2002 there was a teaser for the news and it flashed the logo to my escort agency. When I watched the news, it was talking about the business of escort agencies being online. It showed my website with blurred out photos of the girls. It was pretty damn scary and at the same time it freed me of a lot of stress as I hadn't been having fun with running the agency part anymore. So it made my decision to close it pretty simple. 

* I got to chat on the phone with a good friend last Thursday and it was so good to hear voice and chat with her.  She is so happy and I am so thrilled for her. 


* February 1st - Master and I celebrated 9 years together. We had a pretty low key day as I got sick after going out for breakfast.  It really seems like it hasn't been 9 years, but of course I am so happy that I have spent 9 years with an amazing Man.  I am thrilled that after all this time we still walk this path and yes we have struggles still but we still have the foundation.  I love that we have strength in our relationship. 


* My doctor took me off of one of my meds. I actually am down to just a few meds now. Anyway...my one med that my doctor took me off of was for my sciatica. I was okay for 2 weeks being off of it but the last few days I am having problems. But I have to say his reasons for taking me off of them - a symptom it caused - is gone so he was right about it. Just not sure how to live with the pain I am starting to be in and if it gets worse I won't be able to walk like last time. I have a follow up appointment with him so I will discuss it with him. I mean really I would like to not be on it but I also want to be able to walk. 


* Since teacup now has her gift...I can talk about this...Master and I went to a paint your own pottery place to paint teacup - a teacup and saucer for her birthday. It was so much fun! We were really obsessing of course because we wanted it perfect for her but the afternoon was a lot of fun. We really want to go back and make something for ourselves. It really wasn't a bad price either. They just charge for the piece - no studio fees or glazing costs or anything that is all in the price of the piece. It was a fun afternoon date!


* teacup booked her plane ticket to come visit us.  yay! Counting down days!


* I think that is about all that is going on with me right now.

7 Year Collarversary

Today marks 7 years as Master's property. I don't have words for it so I will simply say I am very happy to be His. Thank you Master!

9 Years of Blogging

It has been 9 years of blogging for me! Wow! I am not sure I ever thought I would blog this long. I know my posts have become less and less over the years but I still glad I have this place. And I hope to continue to post for a long time to come.

I am thankful for everyone that reads. Thank you for the emails, comments and such. Thank you for sticking with me all this time!

And I am going to end with my traditional piece from
The Velveteen Rabbit:
"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you..."

"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.

"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful.

"When you are Real, you don't mind being hurt...It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't often happen to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."

Listy Update

I have been really busy so I feel like I am out of touch with everything. By the time I do have a moment to sit here and do a post, my concentration sucks. So....you are getting a listy update....

* When Master's parents were here one time we watched Bank Job which was very sexual. And very embarrassing to watch in front of them. The last time we were in Denver, Master's parents had a NetFlix and asked us if we wanted to watch. I hadn't heard of it before. It was a movie with Hugh Jackman and Ewan McGregor - both of who we like. And it was just as bad. It was Deception. So now another movie to put on the list of never watch with your parents.

* It was my birthday Sunday. At midnight of the 18th - Master had a scavenger hunt. There were clues inside and outside the house. And it lead to several presents on the way to the end. It was fun! The ending gift was season 1 of True Blood.

* An obsession lately is porn. Yes porn. I have been surfing tumblrs - lots of them with porn I enjoy. I have been posting to mine also.

* We have a shelving unit that sits in the hall outside Master's office and when I decorated for Halloween I put 3 little plastic skeletons. Before Master's parents got here - Master kept moving the skeletons into lewd positions. Every time I went past for several days they were in another position. I kept worrying we would forget and leave them like that for his parents visit but luckily that wasn't the case.

* Thanks to Fleshbot for putting me in their weekly round up for my last post. I miss being an escort and really should write about some of my favorite moments before I forget them.

* I have been reading an old elist group on yahoo. It has been interesting and entertaining. A quote from one of the posts:

"...I think, that consent is part of the power rush to me. My reasoning is this: any buffoon with sufficient muscle power can force himself upon another person and "dom" him or her against their will. Getting the "victim" to come to you, open-eyed and wanting it... now that's doing it in style." J. Mikael Togneri

That is about it for now.

Happy Easter!

It is that time of year to pimp a our BDSM Egg-stravaganza. A few years ago Master and I spent an evening making Easter eggs but with a BDSM theme. It was a lot of fun and I would love to do it again sometime.

Collarversary

6 years ago today....

He picked me up at the airport where we were hugging and kissing like high school kids. After we headed to a fetish store. When we got out of the car, he took something out of his pocket. It was a lock and chain. It was a heavy hardware type chain. He slipped it around my neck and locked it in place. No words were exchanged. He claimed me as His without words being needed.

I remember I did not touch at first because I knew if I did I would start crying and we were about to be going into a store. So of course I did not want tears in there.

Later in the car Master told me to touch it and the tears started flowing in the realization of it - the meaning of it and that I was really owned by Him.

6 years later I still get teary thinking about it.

I am so very happy to be owned by Him and thankful for all the wonderful memories that the last 6 years have brought. I look forward to each day on this journey with you! I love you Master!

2009!

Wishing everyone a VERY Happy &
Kinky 2009!

Happy Holidays!

This year has been the least I have blogged. But I don't want to give up writing here so I hope those of you that read will keep hanging on with me. And I hope that I will be able to write more this next year.

We have had an incredibly busy but good year. I am very thankful for all we have in our lives...especially each other. Master and I recently were saying we might not like where we live and need a bigger home but we are blessed we have a roof over our head with so many out there struggling to make mortgage payments. We have a business that keeps growing. It pays our bills and allows us to do some fun things. It allows us to be together all the time. I remember when I was nervous 2 years ago that we might have problems adjusting to being around each other all the time but it was quite the opposite. We enjoy all the time we have together...whether during work or play it is all time we have together we count as one of our blessings.

Some simple pleasures of right now...

A white Christmas - snow on the ground and more coming our way
Christmas carols playing
Cookies and candies on the table
the tree all decorated even added an Obama ornament to it today
Hot apple cider in a cute Christmas mug

And tonight we will have dinner and then do one my favorite traditions with Master...go look at Christmas lights.

I know these are just a few things but recognize that I have many things to be counting as blessings in my life.

I wish all of you Happy Holidays!

Simply Service Holiday Issue

Bootpig announced that the special holiday issue of Simply Serivce is out. 28 pages of amazing "holiday goodness" sums it up!

It is online at Sensual Service - Simply Service Archive. But you could also subscribe to it at SimplyService-subscribe@yahoogroups.com. And you will be subscribed for all future issues plus receive the Holiday Issue automatically.

A big thanks to Bootpig and Porkchop for putting it together! It looks absolutely amazing!

(couldn't resist the holiday icon with pigs!)

Happy Easter!

It is that time of year to pimp a our BDSM Egg-stravaganza. A few years ago Master and I spent an evening making Easter eggs but with a BDSM theme.

Yes!

One of my favorite vanilla blogs wrote an incredibly beautiful post about the word yes several years ago. Before that post I had always liked the word yes for many of the reasons she stated but when I read what she wrote -- of course I paid attention to yes much more. This blogger was a school teacher and when grading papers if someone really wrote something that got to her as a human not just a teacher she wrote yes with an underline. Life has those moments you know...those moments when your soul shouts yes!

5 years ago I said yes in that way. I have told this story many times over the last 5 years and of course I will again...

I remember it so clearly. I feel the intensity of the moment. Master just pulled a chain out of his pocket and put it around my neck...and locked it in place. No words. He didn't tell me that he was going to do this. He didn't ask me. He just claimed me.

It was a yes moment because it Yes this is it. Yes He owns me. Yes this is right for the first time in my life. Yes...yes...yes!

This last 5 years has been so many moments of yes.

Yes to the moments of Him slipping that chain around my neck and locking it in place and knowing how privileged I am to be His.

Yes to those moments of snuggled on the couch watching a movie and laughing at the same time or even being touched by the same line.

Yes to Him helping and supporting me in so many dreams. And Him allowing me to do the same for Him.

Yes to the day trips that create wonderful laughter, conversation and just a sharing that I cherish.

Yes to Him wrapping His hand in my hair and bring my eyes to met His....seeing that connection.

Yes to the kisses, hugs and dancing for no reason but to touch each other.

Yes to the feeling so alive when we look at each other.

Yes to the faith in each other that is always steadfast.


Yes to the hard times for allowing us to see how far our relationship can go - together.

Yes to the creativity that we energize in each other.


Yes to our passion for this path we are on.

I could go on and on with yes moments. I am just very thankful for each and everyone of them. I am very thankful I have someone in my life that helps me create and see YES!

Thank you Master for the last 5 years....thank you for making me Yours....I love you!

5 Years

I woke up to little notes all over the house and a beautiful love letter. I am a very lucky girl!

Recap of Holidailies

So tonight last of Holidailies...I always enjoy Holidailies. I am thankful for Chip and Jette for hosting and doing all the work they have to for it! I like it because it really makes me write but December is crazy and I don't always get to write what I really want to write about...

That said...I do have a few posts this month I liked this past month...

Let It Snow -- talking about the magic of Christmas as a child
The First Ornament on the Tree -- talking about my dog that died this past year...I miss her
Favorite Recipe - my favorite Christmas cookie recipe...they are so yummy!
Lower Than the Cats - hard for me to write and share -- includes photos of me in the cage so again hard to share
Him - about Him
The Gift of Love - my favorite Christmas gift

I don't do resolutions but just try to be a better person, treat people with kindness and respect and try my best in all I do....

I hope everyone has a VERY Happy New Year!

New Years Meme

1. What did you do in 2007 that you’d never done before?
I keep having things come to mind because they were scary big things but then I realize that I did them before....it has just been a while. Selling art and taught a class are those things that are coming to mind. But as for doing something I had never done....I suppose shooting film for Master.

2. Did you keep your New Year’s Resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I never make New Years resolutions.....though I did make a goal of reading more this year and I did do that. But over all I just try to become a better person, try hard, treat people with kindness and respect.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
YES! just a few days ago!

4. Did anyone close to you die?
my dog -- we also had several friends that lost loved ones

5. What countries did you visit?
We didn't go outside the US but we did road trips to Minnesota and Louisiana

6. What would you like to have in 2008 that you lacked in 2007?
Well I didn't lack but I would love to what we have built on this year to just keep growing...in regards to business and our personal relationship...as it was a really good year for both.

7. What dates from 2007 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
Family celebration in July.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Selling art. I am also going to say my depression really stabilized.

9. What was your biggest failure?
Not keeping up with my art as much as I would have liked

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Migraines as usual.

11. What was the best thing someone bought you?
Beauty and the Beast DVD --- was awesome! Master bought that for me! Master buys me a lot great things though but Beauty and the Beast was a great surprise!

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Master for just really getting his business

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Too many politicians but Bush of course is topping my list.

14. Where did most of your money go?
I don't have money but when I spent money it was at Michael's Arts and Crafts or Amazon for books.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Christmas!

16. What song will always remind you of 2007?
I don't think I really listened to any new music this year. Oh I did listen to Carbon Leaf and Death Cab for Cutie....and enjoyed both!

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? happier
b) thinner or fatter? thinner
c) richer or poorer? We were just discussing that the other night and I don't think we can really say but probably poorer as you know owning a new business money goes into it. And there were a ton of expenses this year.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
I wish I had challenged myself a bit more in my weight and art.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
eating, being quiet when I wanted to say something. I struggle with that constantly.

20. How did spend Christmas?
We spent at Master's family. And then had our own Christmas celebration yesterday and it was GREAT! We had a truly wonderful day!

21. Did you fall in love in 2007?
I did not fall in love with anyone new this year, but I always keep falling in love with Master. And this year was really good.

22. How many one night stands?
None.

23. What was your favorite TV program?
Battlestar Galactica - we watch quite a bit of tv shows on DVD -- West Wing was my favorite this year. We watched all 7 seasons.

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
There are some people who I found out I couldn't trust or that are just people whose ethic match my own. But I do not hate anyone.

25. What was the best book you read?
Oh so many good books....top 5 -- Collage Discovery by Claudine Hellmuth, The Reunion by Laura Antoniou, He said, She said by Marge Percy, The Secret Life of Bees by Sue Monk Kidd, and Outlander by Diana Gabaldon

26. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Death Cab for Cutie is someone I listened to quite a bit this past year

27. What did you want and get?
Just to get closer Master again as 2006 was pretty rough. And 2007 definitely brought us back to us.

28. What did you want and not get?
Just making time for my art....mostly my own fault with my time management

29. What was your favorite film of this year?
The Assassination of Jesse James was really extraordinary and set apart from the other top movies we saw -- that were still great - like the 3rd Ocean's, Bourne and Pirates movies...all really good!

30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
Spent it in Denver with my parents, Master and Master's parents. We went to the art museum and I turned the big 40!

31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
I am not sure....I guess getting us closer to our financial goals but I know that we will reach it eventually.

32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2007?
comfortable but girly

33. What kept you sane?
Master, meds, reading

34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
I prefer people that are actually attainable :)

35. What political issue stirred you the most?
um where do I start...the war, global warming, AIDS, world hunger, the pending oil crash.

36. Who do you miss?
My family

37. Who was the best new person you met?
I am not sure I met anyone really new this year. Although she can be a pain sometimes there is an art contact that we made this year that can/could prove interesting.

38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2007?
People who can't accept you for who you are.....aren't really people who you would want in your life anyway. Which should be a duh but it hit a few times this year.

39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
I am not sure at the moment.

Birthday Wishes....

Happy Birthday Master! I hope YOUR DAY is all you could wish for....well all you could wish for with your parents being here. I know there is more you would like...but without them here :)

I am truly happy you came into this world. You are an amazing man....I don't have words to capture all I would like to say....just know I love you very much and very proud to be YOURS.

The Joy of Today....

Well I am exhausted...so this is just going to be a quick life update post...

Master's parents were suppose to be arriving tomorrow for his birthday but decided to beat the weather and come today --- I totally understand that but it did put a lot of pressure on me as I had a pretty big list of things to do today. So now my body aches and I am exhausted because I had to bust ass to get everything done. I didn't get everything I wanted done but the house from their perspective looked good. My studio and the bedroom don't look terrific tonight though.

I need to wrap Master's birthday presents, brown up some ground turkey I had taken out for dinner but when they called we decided that it would be easier to do pizza tonight, get a load of laundry ready to go in first thing in the morning and then set out all the ingredients for Master's birthday cake so I can make that after breakfast.

One good thing about being so busy....I haven't had time to worry about my mammogram tomorrow. It is my first one. Oh joy!

I expect it will be a pretty busy few days.

But I will can't wait to wish Master a very Happy Birthday in a couple of hours....he is a great man and I am so happy to be able to help him celebrate HIS birthday!

Thanksgiving

Yesterday was lovely. I had cinnamon rolls raising before I went to bed on Wednesday so we had a few of those for breakfast on Thursday while watching the Macy's Thanksgiving Parade. Master talked to several of his family members while I got things ready for the turkey dinner. We don't eat until 4pm so I just prepped.

While we waited for getting things in the oven, we watched a movie. We watched The Prestige. We ate about 4:30pm as pop up timer on the turkey didn't pop up until then even though I thought just by poundage it should have been done sooner. Master and I had a good wine and stuffed ourselves! After we cleaned up the kitchen, I called my parents. My sister just closed on a house so I knew they were spending Thanksgiving working on the house. It has hardwood floors almost all through the house that needed to be sanded and re-varnished plus several other projects that need to be done before she moves in. We chatted a bit and then Master and I rolled ourselves to the couch to watch The Polar Express. It was so nice to be snuggled up on the couch watching it...I get such a gleeful feeling when I watch it. Not feeling so stuffed but still needing to work some of it off so we could have pumpkin pie meant fun in the bedroom and I got beat! yay! Eventually we had pumpkin pie and watched Project Runway (I will probably do another post on that). We ended up getting to bed about 1:30am with the alarm set for 4:30am because we decided to be insane hit Best Buy and Circuit City on Black Friday.

It was a good Thanksgiving....We had a really nice day! Master and I had good quality time together yesterday. It was very nice and I am very thankful to be with Master.

I really get annoyed with myself though because I still got sad and down yesterday despite having a really nice day with Master. I was missing time with family. I even thought of Thanksgivings spent with Jim because really we would spend many Thanksgivings at his Aunt's home. But I also thought when I hosted it a few times....although like I said in my last post cooking Thanksgiving meal isn't my favorite for a crowd. I am always worried the turkey won't come out good. Why I worry about that...I am not sure as I have always had my turkey's turn out really good.

I remember the first Thanksgiving I hosted was when my parents, sisters and one of my Grandma's came...when I was married. I think actually it was our first Thanksgiving after moving into our house. I had at that point in my life never made a turkey so thankfully my Mom was right there to help walk me through it! Such as I was forgetting to pull the sack of giblets so she caught that! And she made the mashed potatoes because it took me years to master those...I always have had lumps. I finally can make mashed potatoes without lumps (well most of the time). But everything else I made turned out really good. I just remember being so intimidated because my Mom and my Grandma are amazing cooks. So here I am doing turkey dinner for the first time and they are my guests. Oh my the panic! I remember freaking out on Jim before they got there in the morning - they had stayed in a hotel as our house had lots stairs and my Grandma couldn't take those. So it was just my sisters that stayed with us. But I freaked out with Jim. He of course kept trying to tell me all would work out and it did.

I had made turkey a few times by the next Thanksgiving I hosted so I wasn't as freaked out. And that Thanksgiving was with friends. We had 3 couples. One couple had just moved to the area and the wife of the couple was really missing her family. It was going to be her first Thanksgiving without family. So I thought being around a bunch of friends might help her. And it did for the most part - you know there is always that part of that thinks about it though. I made the turkey, mashed potatoes and stuffing and a few appetizers but then everyone else brought things. I still remember the house decorated just perfectly with lots of fall leaves/trim and candles. I made a table runner. It had really pretty fall leaves on it so added solid fall colored napkins that I tied with jute for napkin rings. I made place card holders out of little sacks that I filled with candies for them to take home. They were decorated with leaves that I painted on watercolor paper and cut out and attached with raffia. One with leaf with their name on it. We had lots of food, wine, games and laughter. It was really nice because it wasn't an obligation to come...like it is sometimes with family. Although we all love our families sometimes we have to go because we have to go. And that wasn't the case with the friends. So it was different then usual but very nice.

I hosted Thanksgiving one year for Jim's parents too. I can't remember why his Aunt wasn't doing it or why we weren't going there but Jim's parents came over and it was a nice day. I always felt intimated by her too. Because while we are friends now and friends while I dated Jim when I became Jim's wife I never seemed good enough in their eyes. So I always felt like I had to go over and above things to prove myself.

I know I hosted Thanksgiving a few more times...once when my sisters couldn't get to Minnesota they came to our house. But those 3 above are the ones that stick out in my mind the most. And I recalled yesterday during my sadness. As I said it annoys me because I have so much to be thankful for plus I had such a nice day with Master that I shouldn't have been sad at all. I just feel this year is going to be year of recalling old memories for me because of my mindset about being 40.

Well that is enough reminiscing for today. I need to work today a little bit.