I am sending out Ayn’s Place pictures and He told me I should do a quick blogger entry also while I am online….as this will I am sure be the last time before Sunday.

I leave Saturday morning back to Ohio. I am getting very sad and actually at this point just trying to ignore all the feelings going through me….as I will get overwhelmed. It has been a hard week for both of us with this…being the last week of the month…and knowing the time for me to go back to Ohio is coming upon us.

He has taken tomorrow off – to spend the last day with me. We are going over to Denver to spend the night so that we are near the airport on Saturday morning.

Today I packed…and colored my hair. He picked out a new color for me. It is a brighter red – auburn. It is a temp color, but something He wants permanently now so….I will be changing it.

I suppose I should be writing about other things….feelings, thoughts, fears, and joys….

He is great. We seem to mesh together really well. I have someone who loves D/s like I do…who has that passion for the lifestyle. We are still learning each other but we’re both very confident that we are good for each other.

There are fears and insecurities I have…I do the what if’s everyday for varying amounts of time…but….when I look at the big picture…when I reach out and touch Him…when I think of our time….together….I feel the rightness in it. I feel that He is the One. He is considerate but sadistic too. He cares about what I feel and think but He ultimately does what He wants even when I am a bad girl and “pitch a fit.”

I am scared very scared….I had a panic attack last night. It was hard for both of us. But He is important to me…and I am important to Him and making this work is what both of us desire. So we are going to work hard towards it.

We have been continuing our journey in S&M, D/s – Control, Bondage and so on….

Since the last time I have written….once to several times…I have been caged, dressed slutty for Him, been hooded, been blindfolded, been in the posture collar, been restrained spread eagle to the bed in the bondage mittens…I have been His slut moaning and begging for orgasms, I have been His nothing sitting at His feet not able to do anything but what He tells me, been His pet barking, whining and crying and so much more….

Of course I have been hobbled everyday and wrists cuffs have been on almost everyday now too.

It seems kind of surreal to read those things back and realize it is my life…that is me going through those things…I am a slut, a pet, a nothing….a slave.

My dreams are here…Dreams do come true.

Saturday night.....

2/10/01

Saturday night I played with a Dominant. He is *really* good. He was very observant. He made me blush just by looking at me with that Dom look. He was totally skilled - warmed up - did that right amount of thuddy and stingy and just worked me over very well :)

There were lots of ways I wanted to show him my submission, but I also do not give my submission up very easily. I want – usually - to have it taken and now I sitting here thinking about it. He took it without even trying. Much like Mistress DM does. She just is herself and it happens. Hmmm interesting. When he told me to strip though it was the more overt "taking" that I can see and of course love. The other kind like Mistress DM does and he did also saturday night is kind of frustrating to me but also gets my adrenaline pumping lol

He is very good with floggers - mmmmmmmm wow!!! I love stingy and I had all my stingy floggers with me - which was totally by chance that I had some toys with me. He really liked them but liked one the best. I had them in anticipation that M and I might get together.

I was probably the closest I have been to subspace for a very long time. Daddy got me really close this summer when we were at a play party and if I had not been standing against a wall at that party I think I would have went.

But anyway I got very close but of course would not let go - if he would have went longer I think I could not have fought it off. I would not have had a choice. mmmm how delicious huh?

I did my puppy wimper/whines and he said something to be about being a puppy! It surprised me....I have been with a few Dominants (including M in that also) that have not picked on that it was me as puppy whining - just thought it was a slut moaning I am sure. I fought with myself - after he called me on it out loud - making me feel the blush crawl through my body, but oh how I love that internal struggle - fighting against what I feel should come out and give to the Dominant and what I want them to have to work for. I stopped the whining then and every once in a while it would come out and I would try to contain it again lol

And of course, later after we stayed up *all* night talking, I gave him the information that Daddy did puppy dog training with me and that when I was puppy I had to bark for orgasms. I just hand things over to Dominants that I do not think they will ever use because well because I am cynical lol But of course he then said he would remember that. I hope to find out if he does lol

I feel a lot of the time the submissive does more work then a Dominant. Most Dominants I see - wait and let the submissive serve and feel they are being Dominant by accepting her service. Well, I did that when I was married and just because I served my husband in no way made him Dominant. I NEED more then I had when married.

And the Dom I was with Saturday understood that. He and I feel have very similar D/s views. I hope we can get together again.

It was a really nice evening and I am very lucky to have had that opportunity come up.

peace & serenity,
danae