His Hands

I love Master. I pretty much worship him.  I can't imagine being with anyone else.  I get obsessed with certain things about him every so often.  Today we were traveling to a little town near us and I kept staring at his hands.

I love his hands.
I love feeling his spankings as he is a drummer and drummers make the best spankers.
I love how his hand wraps around my wrist, guiding me, and watching me become demure and pliable under that one act.
I love his hands wrapping in my hair and shoving me down to my knees to suck his cock, holding me in place, choking and then setting the tempo to his desire.
I love that he pushes and pulls my body into position - to please him, to writh for him, to entertain him, to amuse him as I struggle against his grip.
I love to feel his hands sliding down the side of my face and smiling at me with love, affection, passion.
I love that the next moment he takes his hands and shoves me against the wall
I love that I see the sadist looking back at me as he wraps his hand around my throat.
I love the feeling his hands on my body and knowing they claim me as his and only his.
I love that he takes me in any way he desires - by probing, grabbing, slapping, shoving, pinning, plundering, reducing me to whatever he wishes.
I love when he twists my hair into his fist and growls in my ear.
I love that he grips and probes my body with strength and ownership.
I love feeling his hand slapping my face over and over so violently that takes my breath away.
I love his grip around my throat, pinching my nose closed, covering my mouth - restricting my breath making me breath only for him.
I love when he holds me down, digging his fingers into my flesh that leave bruises and show me where I belong.
I love to when he uses his hands to make me suffer and cry tears for him.
I love feeling his hands slapping, punching, shoving, grabbing, twisting, pinching, clawing, choking, beating, stroking, caressing, soothing - all things that touch me and claim me as his property.
Damn I love him and his beautiful strong hands that torment me and love me all at once.

Hiding the Toys

I am cleaning house right now.  I have been reorganizing and purging things as I go...I started in the fall during my regular fall cleaning, but with some other priorities and my pain getting in the way I wasn't able to complete it. So I started it again now. I will go through Christmas things when I take them down to see what things were left in the boxes that I didn't put up, what things we weren't thrilled with that were up (thinking of 2 things in particular), and donate those too. I got rid of some Christmas stuff last year too and that really actually felt good this year when I was putting things out. It was more simple and that was nice.

But the main reason I am into a big cleaning thing right now though is my parents are going to visiting shortly after the new year.  My Mom is the type of Mom that can't sit still so if she sees something that needs to be cleaned she will clean it. She doesn't really white glove things, but I do know it goes through her head that she wonders why something isn't as clean as she would have it - I saw her do this at my sister's home. So I am kind of being obsessed about getting things in order so she won't have anything to do here. My Mom also is the type that she isn't really snoopy, but she likes to look at how people have things decorated and likes to just look around. She won't be opening drawers or anything, but walking into our bedroom just because she wants to see how it looks - since she hasn't been here in a while - isn't beyond her.

before parent proofing

In October, we got a new bed.  I  know she will want to see it.  Because we have described how tall our bed is now so she will be curious which means she will go into the bedroom - so today I am parent proofing the bedroom.

We have a hat rack with floggers, whips, crops and canes hanging off it. Now robes and coats are covering them all. Master has an armoire that has his clothing on one half and the other half is full of baskets and bins of kinky toys. I labeled all the bins and baskets this year so they have tags that say rope, restraints, chain, spanking implements and so on. When the doors are open, you can see all the little tags clearly. It will be closed, but just in case it is open or she does happen to open it, I am feeling the need to have some things moved/covered a little more. I  reorganized within the armoire to have clothing stacked in front of the baskets and bins so you can't see the labels and it is dark enough at the back of the armoire that you can't make out what is in the baskets.  

I have books and sex toys all around the room that will have to be put on lower less noticeable shelves or in drawers. For Christmas I got an 9 inch vibro realistic cock from Eden Fantasys and it is sitting on a dresser. Very pretty and very big - so unmissable (can't wait to play with it!).

before parent proofing

All this though is bothering me slightly because....I am an adult.  I have been adult for a long time now - as I am 45.  So my question within is why bother because this is who I am.....but at the same time I don't want to make my parents uncomfortable and if you walk into the bedroom although most of the things are not obvious - if you look long enough you will see it.  Especially all the sex toys. I have the njoy pure plug sitting on its box on a shelf just below eye level. The violet ripple glass butt plug, the Dukes (ben wall balls) and several books such as the Seductive Art of Japanese Bondage and the Beauty series are all out. We have fetish coffee table type picture books on a night stand.  So if you are standing in the room for more then just a moment or two you will start to notice these things. 

So is it a so what if they see or is it cover it up because they are your parents and out of respect for them....keep it hidden?  Do you hide things from family and friends - even if they know or just with those that don't know?  Or just keep it out and let the questions come out - if they dare to ask?  

Right now I am in the stage of cover it up - I don't want to make them uncomfortable. But as I said it is bothering me slightly that I can't just be me.

30 Days of Kink - Day 7

Day 7: What’s your favorite toy?

Well Master's hand is what I prefer to be beat with, but if we are going for actual toy - single tail probably is my favorite.  We really don't have the space in our house for using it though.  Master has used outside on me - out in the middle of no where.   It would be nice to plan one of those evenings again.    We both had a lot of fun.  Second runner up is the cat-o-nine.  It is nasty and I love the pain it inflicts. Gives me little masochistic shivers right now thinking about both the single tail and cat-o-nine. 

As said to start though I love it when Master uses his hand on me - slapping, hitting, grabbing, digging his fingers in, punching, spanking, squeezing, smothering, choking, twisting and pulling.  It is a wonderful feeling to feel the contact of his hand.   An intimacy/connection that can't be experienced with toys.  


previous answered questions

Evil Stick

In my post describing teacup's visit, I mentioned the Evil Stick.  Do you know what an Evil Stick is? If not well...I am here to do a show and tell. But beware hide this post from d-types because these are wicked! :)

The Evil Stick is this little stick that looks so non-threatening because...well it is so small, light, thin and kind of innocent looking. You look at it and think there is no way that will pack any pain.  I am not sure exactly what it is made of but supposedly it is made of space-age science-composite materials with a leather braided handle. I think this was the first gift I ever gave Master...yes I am a masochist.

You hold it fairly close to the skin. You then bend that space age material back. Do not even need to pull it back very much because even a little will inflict pain - I promise.  Let go and it will snap at the skin and then you will hear noises indicating you have caused pain with this Evil Stick.  It stings but actually the stings continue for several moments later.  It will be tender and welt up right away. It brings up thin lines of welts that might not look all that bad but they sting...really sting.  Master took pictures of the welts, but they just weren't showing up well in the photos.

Master snapping the Evil Stick back to hit my bottom

I will say over continued use the Evil Stick can break or develop cracks in it, but for us it has taken a long time.  They aren't expensive toys so easily replacable.  You can get the Evil Stick here. I have felt the 2 pronged one also but it was before Master and I remember it hurt just as much as the single.  I am not getting anything from this post....just letting people know about them.

Review: Expert Guide To Oral Sex

My past profession means I have given quite a lot of blow jobs.  After watching another Tristan Taormino sex education video - I decided I wanted to take a look at  Expert Guide To Oral Sex: Fellatio.  Even though I have given a lot of blow jobs - I know I am not an expert.  I figured I might learn something from it - and even if I didn't then the porn in it would be fun to watch as women who are enjoying themselves giving a blow job always turns me on. 


This adult dvd starts out with Tristan introducing herself to a small group of women before going into a short lesson in male sexual anatomy. She uses good illustrations to point out arousal points on both circumcised and uncircumcised penis and talks about how different areas produce different sensations. She adds of course that every one is different and having a good open communication is key to figuring out what your partner likes.  

After the male anatomy lesson, Tristan brings out Roxy and Christian to help demonstrate parts of the anatomy on a real cock as well as going over four phases of a blow job. The four phases are - warm up, experiment, rhythm, and orgasm.  Tristan sits next to them and talks about the different phases as Roxy gives Christian a blow job. I think it would be very difficult to be aroused or stay aroused while someone talks about the blow job in a more technical form but Tristan is able to pull it off so it doesn't seem clinical but very casual.  Christian doesn't look like he is having any problems staying aroused. The group of women then ask questions such as what do you do when your mouth isn't producing enough saliva, can you change the taste of cum, and how to overcome gag reflect. 

Marcos & Lindsey

After the class is done, then the video breaks off into three separate couples demonstrating blow jobs and being interviewed by Tristain. Tristan narrates tips with each segment showing helpful “pop-up video” style bubbles to illustrate the point. The first couple is Kaiya and Alex in a bedroom setting. Kaiya gives an eager blow job while showing different stimulation techniques and positions.   The second couple is Lindsay and Marcos. Their session focuses on communication between two people have never met, incorporating hand job in with a blow job, different positions and the art of a sensual blow job. You can clearly see how much Marcos is enjoying himself.  Marcos is uncircumcised so it was nice to see how stimulation someone who is uncircumcised can be different.  It was also refreshing to see him start completely flaccid and see him grow hard.  The other sessions just start out with a hard cock.  The third couple is  Alec (same one who was with Kaiya) and Adrianna  who focused on sloppy blow jobs and also deep-throating techniques. 

Marcos & Lindsey

It then is broken into segments that show different styles of blow job: sensual, submissive, hand to mouth (this segment includes a sex toy - anal vibrator), sloppy, and sixty-nine.  Tristan doesn't narrate or have any pop up tips in these segments they are just straight oral action. 


As with the other Expert Guide dvds from Tristan, this one had a ton of extras.  It has segments of some couples without narration, Fellatio on an Uncircumcised Penis, Fellatio & Prostate Stimulation, more of the cast interviews, safe sex, behind the scenes, and trailers. In the behind the scenes Tristan, Adrianna and Kaiya do a little taste testing of flavored lubes.  Because some of the lubes are very bad, their comments and reactions are funny. In the safe sex segment they talk about flavored condoms. I used them when I worked - and I liked banana the best.  

Kaiya and Alec

I don't feel I did learn anything new from this dvd but it did give me some reminders of things I don't do that often that I should incorporate into giving Master a blow job.  I think that if you  feel you are lacking oral skills or if you just aren't enjoying giving blow jobs then you should watch this video. It is my guess you will not only learn something but you will gain different perspectives from the men and women in the video on why and how they enjoy blow jobs.  If you feel you won't learn anything new, then you will probably still walk away with reminders of things to do that you haven't done in a while - like I did. 

Review: Twisted Love Ties

I will tell you I was excited to try these out because it is a really great idea. Quick and easy bondage without having to break out the rope, cuffs, locks, or chains. Just wrap, twist and tada! What could be easier? We love everything that goes into restraining and bondage. I love rope bondage and Master loves cuffs and chains. Both our likes take up time to prepare to get it wrapped up and tied, fastened or locked. But if you are going at it hot and heavy, those things often aren't going to cut it. You don’t want to take the time for some intricate rope bondage or sort through stuff to get the wrist cuffs out and then find the right length of chain and make sure we know where the keys are to the locks on the cuffs in the middle of getting down and dirty. With the Twisted Love Ties we could grab and go without a great deal of pause in our fun.

Okay that is what I thought and I don't doubt we can do that, but unfortunately the Love Ties have a few problems. They can be twisted around the wrist/ankle to tightly with a great deal of ease. But they aren’t like rope or leather - where you can cut through it if necessary. You can’t do that with these due to the metal/wire center it has. You have untwist all the wraps to get out. On the other hand - on some ties I tested, I was able to just flip my hand over and slip out. While the metal/wire center makes the twist tie strong to pull on, if you want secure them in bondage, that’s going to take some additional planning and setup. The front of the packaging demonstrates a tie that looks like it might work, but if she twists her wrists a certain way, she could easily slip out (shown on the right in the green circle). That isn’t to say that you can’t get the twist bindings tight. You can, but as with any other form of bondage, pay close attention so that you don’t cut off circulation.

What I think these are ideal for is when being tied to something - such as a headboard, spreader bar, some tie down point (we have lots of hook eyes on our bed for bondage). I think they will be good for quickly tie to restraint for a short time such as being pushed down on the bed and taken. “Yes please!” I also think these would be great for traveling so that you don't need to bring a bunch of toys and they can be discreet when in a suitcase. They are innocuous enough to where most people wouldn’t even hazard a guess what they could be used for. Master and I spent time making up funny different explanations for the Twisted Love Ties such as a chic new belt. But really I do think they almost look like a bungee cord or just something very non-noticeable to me.

The Twisted Love Ties are 34" inches and come packaged two in set which can because of the length allow for a lot of different twists and ties. They have some kind of flexible wire core with foam padding that is covered by a stitched nylon material casing. Some ties we did caused the ends to stand up and were close enough to my face that I could have poked myself if we didn't tuck them under. It is covered completely so no sharp pointy edges but still can poke yourself so be careful with that and with not wrapping them too tightly. They go on tighter then they look at times so can pinch the skin and be abrasive against the ankles and wrists.

In all, the Twisted Love Ties are a good quick portable innocuous bondage solution. Even with the small setbacks, it is a quick and easy approach to bind your partner in nothing flat. Be mindful of how the ties feel against jointed areas and watch out for those end points but otherwise have fun with them as I am sure we will be throwing them into the suitcase with a few other sex toys at the end of the month when we go on a long road trip.

Abandoned Toys

I asked yesterday on Twitter "does anyone have BDSM toys in their collection that they really like but they just don't use that often? Why does that happen?"

We have quite a few toys we don't play with and my take on why that happens with us is that we get caught up in the heat of the moment and just grab what is on/in our nightstand and Master uses his hands A LOT....spanking, grabbing, squeezing, slapping and punching. So we just don't make it to the bigger type toys like floggers, cane, whip and so on.

I asked the question because Master used a toy on me recently that we rarely use but I LOVE. It hurts like hell but I love it. Master and I both talked about how we need to play with those toys more. Oddly for us it is setting aside time to play in that manner. We play with sex always but to "scene" per se we don't do often so need set that time aside.

We both talked about how much fun we had and how relaxing it was for both of us. And with Master's busy schedule he really could use some down time and getting frustrations out by beating me - well I am all for that.

Review: The Violet Ripple Anal Plug

Master and I went out to dinner one night and on the way home we picked up our snail mail. In the mail box was package. Neither us could recall ordering anything, so I puzzled over the return label to see who it was from. It was so discreetly packaged I couldn't figure it out. My eyes lit up when it dawned on me that it had to be the anal plug from Eden Fantasys!

We had just talked that morning over breakfast about setting aside time the next morning to play because our weekend was going to be incredibly busy and we wanted time to connect and enjoy each other. So the plug arriving the day before we were going to play seemed to be perfect timing.

I was really surprised by how pretty the anal plug is. When I took it out the package and set it on the table it looked so pretty just sitting on the table and well - it is sexy looking too. That made me want to play with right away. Every time I look at it sitting on my night stand I think, "oh yes lets play" - it just is so pretty and sexy. The Violet Ripple Anal Plug is an attractive color and elegant design. It is made of incredibly smooth Pyrex glass (no sharp edges, no seams, nothing that might cut or scrape) and it can be cleaned very easily. You can even put in the dishwasher. I washed it with hot soapy water - just like I was washing dishes (but just washed it alone of course.) It comes with a little drawstring bag to store it in. I like that as it gives it a little protection instead of just rolling around in the drawer that I store many of my sex toys.

I am not new to anal play. I really enjoy it even though it is something we don't do that frequently. Even though I'm not a beginner - I don't feel I am just able to slip a plug in and go. So when it came time to play, Master put plenty of lube on me and the toy. He slipped fingers in and out before trying the plug to help me relax a little bit.

The Violet Ripple's caused some uncomfortableness when it reached the widest point upon insertion. I would have to ask Master if he could stop for a moment. After taking a few breaths, I could relax and then he can continue pushing the plug in. After it slides in, it just feels heavy inside. It's made from solid glass, so it makes sense that it will be heavier than a rubber or silicone one. There is no give to the plug. Heavy feels good to me, like it won't come out as some of the other plug products I've experienced before.

I had it in for about an hour the first time just sitting and doing things. I even had an opportunity to wear it out in public and had no issues. The hardness of the glass might be difficult for some people to take but I do have some extra padding on my bottom so that might make a difference. I do notice the plug inside, but that isn't a bad thing to me. I actually notice it is there more because where it stretches and goes thin around the neck of the plug. I just feel that stretching even after it has been in a while. I become very sensitive to the feeling of it in me, so walking around, sitting or tending to things - I notice it. It is a good sensitive sensation to me where it turns me on.

After reading some of the reviews and comments on Eden Fantasys, there has been the worry about the base being too small. I LOVE it! I absolutely love the fact it doesn't have a wide base to it. I didn't have any problems with it slipping all the way in, nor do I get the sense I would ever have a problem with it doing that. I love how close it fits on my anus opening. Many of my previous anal plugs had a wide base on them that had a square or oddly shaped such as the one pictured below.

With previous butt plugs, the square base usually sat between my ass cheeks. When I walk with the plug, what does that do to the plug? It moves that base....moving it back and forth, back and forth - just like you are unscrewing it ... and yes that is exactly what ends up happening so that they come right out. It wouldn't matter what size the plug was either. I've had larger sizes than the Violet Ripple and they would almost always start to pull it out when I walked because of the movement of my butt cheeks moving the base and eventually pull it downward and out. Thankfully the Violet Ripple isn't that way. Although the hardness of the edges made me fully aware the plug was there - it never felt like it was going to fall out when I moved - even though it was heavy. One would think that with the additional weight of the plug, that there would be a greater tendency for it to fall out, but I didn't get that feeling.

Because of the smaller base, the Violet Ripple was harder for me to insert and remove by myself. Mainly this happened because my fingers get slippery with lube. So once I finally get my ass and plug lubed up, I have to make sure to clean off my fingers so that I can get a good grip on the plug to insert it. Because the plug is made from glass and has a smaller base, it kept slipping from my fingers when I had lots of lube on them.

When I found out I was allergic to latex, I was very disheartened as I had to throw out a bunch of my sex toys where I wasn't positive if they were silicone or not. Anal plugs weren't something I had replaced - yet. So I was really excited to have an opportunity to try out the Violet Ripple anal plug and I can tell you that I am not disappointed in the least. I can't wait to use it again and again. It is a sexy and a pleasure to use. I know it will get a lot of use.

*photos in the post are mine. To see better photos of the Violet Ripple Anal Plug please go to Eden Fantasys

Winner

Okay well first...I do have a few more questions to answer. But I have been plagued with migraines from hell. So it just will have to wait. Hopefully I can at least get one out tomorrow.

Next the true reason for this post...I am a winner! It is a rare occasion when I sign up for something and win - I mean even Ebay auctions I seem to lose. But I won a $20 gift certificate to Babeland over on Sleeping Dreamer. Thank you to Sleeping Dreamer and Babeland! yay!

Kinky Christmas Stocking from FetLife

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March Q&A: sex, sm and toys

Do you like anal sex? Oh yes!


Name something sexually you would like to do that you haven't. Name some SM play you would like to do that you haven't. Name something you have done in a while that you would like to again SM play and sexually.

sexually - vaginally fisted...I am not sure if there is anything else. It reminded me of a list I did in 2002 and I saw a few things actually I could mark done now.

SM - There are quite a few things that I am not sure are things I really want done or just fantasy. Such as...having cigarettes put out on my breasts...I don't like smoke...allergic to it. But it is something I have thought about before. Otherwise I am not sure I can think of anything - realistic. Maybe suspension.

Not done in a long time - wax play. Wax play just has no appeal to Master. Also...head to toe rope bondage.


Do you have a toy in your "wish list" right now?

a toy...just one? :) Okay how about a few?

* Hemp Rope from Twisted Monk - We have a bit but I would like more.
* clover clamps
* total covered hood - like this one on the right side - the Total Control Hood or this one but it scares me a little bit too.
* BIG silicone dildo

March Q & A: Toys!

What toys/implements are in your "toy closet"? Which is your favorite, least favorite, and why?

I thought I had talked about this once in my 7 years of blogging - you would have think it was a topic I would have hit. I talk about toys in general and favorite play quite a bit but not favorite toy/least favorite. I think also because Master uses his hands so much I don't talk about toys much. We do slapping, punching, spanking and he just grabs and twists lots too.

I am not sure I could name them all but I will give it a whirl....okay so you had me curious and so I went and opened up the places where we keep toys. We have some that are really easily available and others that aren't. I know I missed some as I didn't open every container and pouch so not all of them are still here but majority I think I got down....

Straps - long purple one from Fetish Temple that was a gift, short leather homemade one, one that is like a dog toy with a leather strap and a tennis ball on the end of it. The long one and the one with the ball can cause quite a bit of pain. Especially the ball

Paddles - 4 wooden, 1 leather, 1 padded ping pong

Canes - a couple bamboo, 1 delrin (ouch)

Crop, Single Tail, Dressage Whip, Evil Stick, Baton (conductor baton), Drum sticks, Drum mallets

Floggers - 3 rubber (2 of them I made), 5 leather/suede, 2 rabbit fur, 1 kite string (I made - good to get wet or put in the freezer), 1 braided leather tails and then the viper (3 braided leather tails with v-pieces of leather on the end to make them even more stingy)

Restraint/Bondage type stuff - Spreader bar, all sorts of different colored duct tape, foam wrap for under tape, bondage tape, saran, rope, chain, arm restraints, cuffs (4 sets) and bondage mittens

3 blindfolds, ball gag, o-ring gag, head harness gag, gas mask, collars (9), hoods (7)

Clips - lots of different kinds - some actually BDSM play stuff but the majority is diy kind (clothes pins, vice grips, metal chip clips and so on) - only clips I don't think we have are clover - we have one the other broke so we don't have a pair. And they are actually my favorite clip because they actually stay on my nipples. Most clips don't stay on them. We have forceps though and those stay on too.

Lots of DIY stuff - wax, wooden spoons, spatulas, chopsticks/skewers & little rubber bands to make clips, abrasion stuff (different brushes), age play stuff (diapers, bottles, coloring books, pacifer), dog dish (these were the containers I didn't open up lots because I knew they had lots of little things in them).


Okay so least favorites: Paddles - I can't stand paddles. I have a love/hate with the cane. I crave it but I can't stand it when it is used. I don't like the long leather strap. The ball strap too is a love/hate relationship as I crave it but it hurts.

Favorites: Stingy...I like stingy toys - the viper, the braided flogger, the single tail, the dressage whip. The evil stick and baton - are love/hate too. They are toys Master uses more then others too. I think I like them because I like the marks and eventually the pain I can fall into also. Hoods, gas mask, rope - are favorites too.

Of course there are times I don't like any toys that they all hurt in a way that I can't process very well. But when my masochism has come out - then stingy is what just wraps me up completely so I can fall into the darkness.

Please remember you can still ask questions here! Or over on my LJ.

Early Birthday Presents!

Daddy gave me early birthday presents tonight...Beauty & the Beast DVD - something we have looked for but had trouble finding. And then a Belle Doll. So while we ate dinner tonight - we watched Beauty and the Beast and my doll sat next to me.

My Daddy is the BESTEST!

ps: We leave in the morning to go to Denver and will be back on Saturday evening.

Hoods

Okay this is going to be a rare rare occasion of a post...photos...of me but with the subject matter I am sure you can see why.

padme is a lucky girl! She got a hood for her anniversary with her Master. So we were kind of discussing them and she asked me what kind of hoods Master has for me. It is a fetish of Master's that we keep expanding on and I am happy to go along with as they have become a favorite of mine as well.

Once upon a time I didn't think hoods would be something I would ever like. But as I said it is a fetish of Master's so it wasn't an option -- I was going to like them. And he did a GREAT job in training me to like them! But again it was something I never thought I would like. I actually had a good amount of fear attached to them. I was very panicked by the thought of having something covering my head and face. So he had some work to do to get me over that because he wanted me to enjoy them like he does.

So the first hood Master started me out in this black rubber latex open faced hood. I am allergic to latex but at that time I didn't know/get that. That hood is a bitch to get on. But it was a great starter hood to get me used to things being *over* my head but not covering my face. It created kind of a suction though with the ears so if you have ear problems be aware of that.

Master got me used to the hood by just laying on the bed not doing anything with me sexually or even that involved SM. Just lying on the bed wearing the hood...snuggling and talking. And then he would take to where he played with me sexually but nothing else was involved. And then maybe a little SM involved. Each time stepped up a little bit. And then we moved on to the next hood.

The next hood was this hood that was a simple black cotton hood with an open mouth. I haven't found one like it on the web. It really was great for taking the next step in hoods because it was a thin enough cotton I could see out of so it wasn't totally encased in blackness from the get go. I also could breath which was another fear of the hood even though I love breath play - go figure.

And again he trained me with this hood just like that last. And by the time he was done....I was dreaming and lusting after hoods. I ended up going to Master one night and begging him for it. And he smiled. He was so happy that he had turned me on to his fetish. But I still was scared of the next step in hoods but having my head covered with just the mouth hole made me think about the next step and get wet even with my fear still lurking around.

The next hood I can't find anything like it on the web either. Basically it was 2 pieces of leather sewn together leaving the back with laces and then the other seam going down the middle of my face. There are 2 little slits for nose holes. So basically total encasement of my face/head. It took me a while to get used to that so in the mean time Master did get to other hoods. (this is close but the one we have isn't as form fitting more bag like.) I panicked with this hood quite a bit but finally it became a favorite as well...the smell of leather helped me also because it was just so intoxicating.

One like this in black though was another hood that Master has for me. It is black spandex with a padded blindfold in it. I could breath through it very nicely even though it is total encasement of my head too.

The other he bought was this one that I still don't like. And when it is used...it needs blindfold. This one makes me feel like a bankrobber instead of hood slut. It is made out of dacron spandex which almost feels like a scuba dive suit. It is that thick and heavy.

One of my favorites even though I can see out of it...it is different then the above. I like the shape of the hood - the one we have is from CJ's Leather but they don't have a picture of it on the website. It is similar to this one but the one we have has thick solid leather over the seams and an open mouth. It is very form fitting. This picture just doesn't do the one we have justice. Ours is the perforated leather but seems more heavy duty then the one pictured.

The last hood we got was this hood basic gag hood. It fits really snug. Master loves it because it is shiny like latex yet it is not latex so doesn't bother my allergy. And of course it leaves the mouth available for other uses.

The open mouth hoods of course can be used to with a gag so that adds another another level of sensory deprivation to the hood. Master has a head harness for me that works good over many of the hoods we have. And then added in a blindfold over the ones that I can see out of it and then cutting off my sight too. It took time to get to that level again for me as I did get very panicked. But now I love the feelings hoods give me.

The hoods make me very fuzzy. Master puts them on me and I start to just get fuzzy. They block out everything and let everything slow down....turn off and the world melts away and the only thing that matters is whatever is going on in that moment...whatever Master is doing to me or having me do. I do feel fear and panic at times with them...but usually it still is a very fuzzy far away feeling...like I am far away. I know I am not explaining it right but I am sure it also is different for each person too.

Oh I also put our gasmask in a hood category. It is something I want Master to take a picture of me in sometime. It sends me actually into a fuzzy head space faster then the hoods do.

I do think about a more intensive hood and I am sure again it will be something that will scare me but eventually I will come to beg for....if we go there and I know we might do that someday as Master does like hoods...thank goodness! Some umm dream hoods: Full hood like the basic gag hood above but full hood, I really like this one but we would never be able to get it because of the latex, and again something like this in leather would be nice, this one is close to another leather one I had in mind but I can't find it at the moment so this will do.

March Questions: Pervertables

You did a series called "Adventures of the Toy Slut" that made me wonder what are your *favorite* diy BDSM toys or pervertables?

I really haven't made any toys in a long time. But my favorite diy toy was taking some rubber molding about an inch (maybe a little more) wide that you can buy at Home Deport or Lowes. Then just folding it over so it makes a loop and wrap the ends with electric tap. It is basically the rubber version of a strap.

I love pervertables!

Some favorites:
* A leather collar - just plain brown leather. It was folded over in the dollar store and I think it was shortly after I read started reading the Marketplace series...so I saw a strap when I glanced at it.
* A pet store pervertable - it is a tennis ball with a strap so that basically a person could play tug with a dog. It give a nice impactful wallop.
* Something I posted a few months ago is the baton.
* And with that Master's drum sticks and mallets.
* Spatula - it is not an ordinary spatula and I really wish I would have picked up like 10 of them when I saw because I have never seen them since. They were not long and thin like a normal rubber spatula/bowl scrapper but more short and wide like those wide paint scrappers. But again the end it rubber like a spatula. And it just has an interesting feel to it.
* I really enjoy wax play and always had fun playing with it. My favorite wax though is the Gigi Paraffin Wax for paraffin wax spas. It comes in several scents - peach, vanilla, lavender and a few more. It just felt so good on the skin. It has that prickly hot pain like other wax does but it also has this oil in it (safe oil for wax) and makes the skin feel so good after it is peeled off. Just even the consistency when applying it is feels different candle wax or just regular paraffin.

I am sure there are some more...as about half of the toys in the house are pervertables. But of course at the moment I am not thinking of others.

PS: I was curious what Master's favorite pervertable toy was...so asked and he said, "you."



**Feel free to ask anything you might want to know and I will answer. I am screening the questions AND allowing anonymous comments.

Hitachi Magic Wand

I have had several people ask me how I am enjoying the Hitachi Magic Wand and also inspired by padme's review...I decided to do a little review it.....

Product: Hitachi Magic Wand and Attachments (which is basically the high end of sex toy - vibrator.)

Rating: 5 out of 5 (so far - really loving it!)

Review: Well as I said above I am loving it. For many years I was able to have an orgasm with just a little touch, just a thought, by dirty talk, and by command....but the older I get that just doesn't happen as easily. And frankly lately it has taken so much work that I almost gave up on having orgasms. And asked Master not to even try anymore because it just upset me so much. So for months and months I have seen lots of talk about the Hitachi wand. I read lots reviews from those who just frankly felt it was the best vibrator out. I mentioned it to Master and he said that had actually thought of getting one for me on several occasions but wasn't sure how I would feel about it. So after us both thinking it was a good idea to try - he set me to out to do some comparison shopping. I found that Healthy and Active (which I have no affiliation with just to let every one know out there) had the best price. He asked me if I wanted the accessories and frankly I almost said no because 1) it is a VERY rare occasion that I achieve orgasm through vaginal stimulation. And 2) I don't like my g-spot touched, stroked or whatever - it is not a pleasurable experience. So I thought why bother. But I guess just a few reviews stuck in my head of people who used them although they didn't come vaginally either and just enjoyed the sensation. So I said why not as they were a good price too.

The vibration of the Hitachi is more intense then a regular vibrator. I can see where many wouldn't like it because it is very intense. But for me a regular vibrator wasn't "strong" enough to push me over so I do like the insensitivity of it. When I was having problems with orgasms - by the time I had one I was super sensitive and even sore at times so I didn't have multiple orgasms. I can say I am back to multiple orgasms with the Hitachi. For our anniversary I had 15 orgasms. And it was moaning and making noises that sounded very primal/animalistic.

On to the attachments....I like the attachments and this might be TMI as it is about my period so skip to next paragraph if you don't want to read about blood. I got the Hitachi right before my period in January and it was an especially heavy menstrual cycle. When I have my period, I am often VERY horny and that is how it was last month so having that nice new white wand kind of squicked me the thought of getting blood on it and so the attachments came in handy. Really easy to clean that way. I used them in my vagina as well as on my clit.

The attachments are made out of medical grade silicone which is important for me as I am allergic to latex. The rounded tip of the attachments is much smaller area of space then the head of the Hitachi so it isn't as intense so I use that on my clit often as well.

The g-spot attachment didn't do anything for me - just like fingers or other toys in the past haven't ever done anything for me. But it along with the other attachment were a nice sensation in my vagina. A nice foreplay for me using it on my clit.

It really is best vibrator I have ever had and I can't wait to keep playing with in different ways - such as Master discussed using bondage on me and tying it to my leg like we have seen in some bondage porn in the past. So as a friend of mine said after she got one, "I give it 2 legs up."

Quick Life Update

Just a quickie to say we are home...but Master is leaving again. So, I hope to have some time to do a longer blog tomorrow night. But I do have lots on my list to do while He is out of town.

Here are just a few random notes....

Our weekend kind of got messed up because of the rain but it still was a good weekend with some positives.

Master bought the new Coldplay CD....I really like it already...and not even all the way through it the first time yet

Master took me to the Dollar Tree while we were out of town. Master bought me quite a few fun art things! Thank you Master!

Needing some girl time....talked to nuala today on the phone, hopefully going to chat with another friend tomorrow and also going to call Moni this week too! Plus I have done some emails to several friends too.

I can't stand drama but found out some drama tonight. I can't understand why people are so screwed up that they hang on to hatred...and that is the only word for it...hatred. Don't they understand what that does to them....their bodies, mental health, emotional health. Maybe they like the drama...I think sometimes we get so used to it we don't know any other way...I used to be like that. But I just feel sorry for those that don't wake up

I am going to do some art this week...so doing a happy dance!

I have been getting lots of wonderful, beautiful, artful maillove!

I am drinking diet coke out of my princess cup - it has Belle, Cinderella, and Aurora on it

I am going to miss Master while He is out of town

We both took lots of pictures this weekend. Master has me using His old camera so maybe now I am catching the camera bug as I had a lot of fun taking pictures with Him this weekend

Very thankful I live in Colorado! It is so beautiful

I am reminded many times over....each day that I am very lucky to have such a wonderful Master....Thank you for claiming me Master...I love you

Life Update

Not sure exactly why but this past week felt kind of odd. Not that it really was odd or anything...it just feels that way. I guess it was kind of off on our normal schedule - or more like semi-normal schedules.

Monday - The Holiday...which was great!
Tuesday - My period hit me hard so I was pretty much out of it all day.
Wednesday - I asked Master if I could go back to bed after He left for work. He allowed it and told me He would call to get me up to get ready to go to lunch with Him. So we went to lunch and then He brought me to the toy store also. Daddy let me pick out a Groovy Girl outfit. The outfit has cool bell bottom paints and a leopard print hat with a kind of frilly tank top. After Master headed back to work, I then spent the rest of the afternoon cleaning and doing a few odds-n-ends online.
Thursday - Master was out of town for the day. I was busy cleaning, doing laundry and then playing with photoshop.
Friday - We slept in since Master got back very late (early in the morning). And I spent the afternoon doing some chores and also tackled some art...but felt very sluggish.

Today Master had to work some in the morning and I got to sleep in again. I got some house stuff done by the time He came home though. We basically spent the day lounging and vegging...we watched movies.

So this week I have been a slug...I guess is how it feels even though when I think about it I can think of lots of stuff I did this week.

Life Update....Acceptance

This weekend we spent Saturday toodling around town. First we went to a toy store that is downtown. It has a BIG Groovy Girl in the window. They sell lots of Groovy Girl stuff...clothing, furniture and so on. Daddy bought me an outfit for my Groovy Girls. It is a purple ballerina outfit that even has purple satin ballerina slippers. It is very pretty!

After that we went to our favorite local new agey shop. We spent quite a long time in there looking around....reading and looking at everything.

Next on the agenda was a drive. I had written Master an email discussing the up coming year. It is our 2 year anniversary coming up so I was doing kind of a reflection and looking forward email. So while driving around we discussed the email.

A common theme in my journal (offline and online) is acceptance. A couple of weeks ago I had a light bulb moment. I realized I have been in a new level of acceptance for a while. I tried to think back when it clicked into place but it has been so long that I could not think of the exact time. It is common for me to work on something internally under the surface processing without being totally aware of it.

So I had this light bulb moment that I have been in a new level of acceptance in our M/s dynamic and that brought on another light bulb moment of why...why did I finally have this level of acceptance.

Something that had been really holding me back from acceptance and enjoying life as it is right now was the fact that I was hanging on to the month I came out here to stay/visit with Master before moving here. Looking back I can see that it was probably our "honeymoon" period and it was when we were flying high. And when I moved here of course we came down and life set in place...ebbing and flowing as it does. And for some reason I could not get that until recently that hanging on to that month was holding me back.

I have finally got that we have something different right now and you know what...I like it. I like our lives. We have a nice life together. Our M/s dynamic is firmly in place and we have such a strong faith in each other and our relationship.

I look forward to our third year together...and many more I hope.

Groovy Girls

Saturday Daddy bought His little girl special treats because of bad day I had on Friday (ie: mice)....

He got me DOLLIES!



We were in Target and I saw these dolls called Groovy Girls...I had never seen them before. I fell in love...

I was looking at all of them and the accessories. They were so cute. So I showed Daddy Darci and He understood why I liked her. And then I said that I also liked Brenna. And He told me He thought His little girl should have both of them! I was so thrilled!

So for much of Saturday I was in little girl mode. I made Daddy smile lots! And of course this little girl was smiling lots with her new dolls!

A note for parents of little kids, these dolls are exceptionally cute and fun. They are soft and cuddly but are able to play with them like Barbies dressing them and playing with their accessories. They have super names and cool clothing, pets, and furniture (such as this couch or bed). The sleeping bag is so cute.

I think I am going to have to start making a Princess wish list for Daddy!

Thank you Daddy for being so good to your little girl! I love YOU very much!