End of 2013 and the start of 2014

Life Update in  bullet points...

* Destiny - In October, Master and I started seeing someone local.  Her name is Destiny.  Master and I are both head over heels for her...as she is fabulous!  We are over 3 months in now and still have some of the honeymoon phase going on, but we all have settled into a normalcy that is really good. We connect as to her individually, but also all together.  She serves Master and is his submissive.  She is my girlfriend. And together all 3 of us are a family. I will write more about her and how things are progressing at another time. But for now we are a family and we are all very happy.

* Tied Up - For the first time 10 years, I was touched by another man.  Master has been the only man to touch in me in the 10 years I have been with him. A local group started a Rope Bite. You get together and practice rope bondage. I have always loved rope bondage and it isn't something Master is overly fond of...he does it, but not his favorite type of bondage.  Anyway, a good friend was going and Master asked if he needed a rope bottom for it and lent me to our friend for the evening.  Now it was totally over the clothes practicing rope, but to have a man touch me even over the clothes in such an intimate way - well again first time in 10 years.  Let's just say I was nervous.  Yep me who has been with a few men in my time was nervous. Our friend was very kind and conscientious of my anxieties.  I really enjoyed myself.  He tied me in ways that made me hurt so good for days. I loved it and I am so very grateful to him for allowing me to be his bottom. I hope we are able do it again sometime.  He is an amazing man and I am so glad he moved to our community.

* Holidays - We were out of town for almost 3 weeks straight after Thanksgiving into December. So I didn't get the tree up until 8 days before Christmas. I didn't get any cards or packages mailed out this year. I didn't get to do many of my usual things like bake. But I will tell you Thanksgiving and Christmas were absolutely fabulous! Having Destiny being a part our holidays just made it so special. Our Thanksgiving and Christmas was just us 3.  It was lovely and fun. We watched Polar Express in the evening of Thanksgiving.  We did other traditions with her such as going around and looking at lights and decorating the tree together. We create great memories.  Our families are getting used to us talking about Destiny and her being here with us as part of our family. 

* Family - I haven't seen my bio family in over a year so missing them. My Grandma also died just before Christmas.  She was 97 years old and been ready for quite some time.  I have been detached from it mostly, but at odd times having it hit me. 

* Travel - We have had lots of little mini-trips around the state. We went to Boulder. Then right after Christmas we went to Denver. We did touristy things like going to the Denver Art Museum.  We had a large hotel room where we were able to enjoy a king size bed as we only have a queen at home.  Destiny and I dressed up slutty for Master.  Our night was hot and sexy - sex and SM late into the night - yums!

We did have a funny moment in Target though earlier as we didn't pack condoms or lube - yeah I know what is up with that? Anyway, I hadn't bought condoms in a while and neither had Destiny so here it is her and I going into buy condoms.  We standing looking at all the condoms and trying to decide which ones we should get. Finally we get a package, turn around, and there is a couple standing right behind us - waiting to look at condoms.  I am sure our conversation made them wonder what the heck is going on....2 women buying condoms like we never have....I am sure they thought we were 2 lesbians who picked up a man to try it out. lol  :)  Anyway thank goodness we got the condoms, because oh they were used. Destiny riding Master is such a hot sight. Oh yeah so sexy.  We are damn lucky to have such a sexy beautiful woman.  So grateful we met her. 

* Friends -  I know in September, I said we were more active in the local community.  Well we kind of dropped out of it again. One reason - we started seeing Destiny. When I say seeing her -  I mean we see each other everyday for the last 3 month except when Master and I have work/business out of town and she can't come with us.  We are living our dream life and it is hard to fit other things in. Really we haven't even seen the kinky friends we are close to that often either.  We are missing them and hope to get together with everyone soon. Unfortunately we are like that new couple that doesn't contact their friends when they are seeing someone new because they are so into each other...yeah we are all so into each other are kind of oblivious to others outside us. Often we see stuff posted online and go hmm must of have missed what that is about because it doesn't even make sense to us as we are so outside it all right now and so into each other. 

* Sharing - I did a little talk for a group of submissive on service. I remembered, although it makes me nervous, I do like sharing information and ideas. I am going to have that talk and some additional thoughts on service up on our website soon.

* Therapist - I came out to my therapist about BDSM.  Now she knows everything.  It helped her put things in perspective a little differently. A few things made more sense to her.  And as always she was fabulous when I came out to her about it. She gets it so well. She sees where I struggle and why and in a BDSM context.  She loves Destiny and thinks she is a positive force in my life as Destiny has made me see myself slightly differently. I was on this course last year of really allowing some of the parts of me that I turned of to come back out and play and Master has been great about it too, but Destiny being a woman has helped me understand parts of myself better by seeing myself through her eyes.  Not sure that is making sense, but I just know she has helped me and my therapist sees it too.

* Art & Photography - Both are playing huge part in my life. It is something I do with a good group of friends as well as Destiny too.  I know art and photography are going to continue to play a big part of my 2014.

Really I am just so grateful that 2013 was a year filled with ups and downs, but overall joy and love which makes it a truly beautiful year. I look forward to 2014 as I know it is going to be fabulous!

Necktie on the Doorknob

Master had a rare appointment this afternoon where he had to wear a tie. I set his clothes out and hung the tie over the closet doorknob.

This is the convo we had as he got dressed:

Him: does the a tie over the doorknob mean you want sex?
me: I always want sex, but technically that tie is on the closet doorknob so not sure that means the same thing.
Him: that means you want to be locked in the closet.
me: mmms yes I think that is it Master.

Yes I love sex and it turns me on, but the thought of being locked in the closet turn me on more. I think I might be kinky.

Edit to add: My first thought that came to me when thinking of being locked in the closet was Master having sex with someone while I was locked in the closet.

Just Life

photo of Rocky Mountain National Park.

I haven't done a life update in a long time so thought I would throw out what is going on....

* Last weekend Master took me a place that had special memories for me. It was a place that my ex-husband and I used to go. I didn't want to re-write those memories, but I just wanted memories with Master there. It was almost 17 years to the day that I was there last with my ex-husband - Master I were there.  Master and I had a great time and made some amazing memories! I appreciate him making time in his schedule to make that happen for me and us.

* This week many of those areas are covered with water and being evacuated. It is so sad.

* Friends: Excited to see friends, who we haven't seen a while, this week.  We have been enjoying the company of another friend this past week.  Thankful for a conversation with a friend that helped me in some areas I am struggling.  Thankful to yet another friend creating an interesting week by throwing me under the bus a few times. :)

* Our town has had a more active community the last several months. Master and I have become more active in it. We are enjoying getting to know people. Something we were really wanting were discussions and demos and that has been happening.

* Because of being more active - you might have noticed I have been more active in blogging as I have had more ideas for topics.  Which is why I am going to be blogging about some basic things, because our community does have quite a lot of people new to BDSM.

* Drama and gossip happens in all groups. But I can say that is one thing I didn't miss about being active in a community. It has been hard, because as much as I have missed community - sometimes the drama and group think really can take a toll on me and I think I survived for 10 years without it so do I really need it?

* I  am about embracing the whole community though. Even those that I don't agree with or even people I don't like that much - we all are still part of the people under the same umbrella - BDSM community.  If we can't come together for the better of the community then we have no business talking.  It kind of reminds me of the quote that Dr. Brene Brown uses in her book Daring Greatly by Theodore Roosevelt - "It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat."  I am in the arena and I doing my best and doing what is right for everyone in the community - not just myself. Because of course it is for myself - I want community so there is something there for me. But I see a bigger picture and maybe that was because I was so involved with a great community in Ohio.

* End of February Master updated my phone to an iPhone. I have been taking photos non-stop since then. I submitted some photos to an author when they had a call for submissions.  I really didn't think I would be chosen, but I was, so one of my photos will be published in a book.

* Master and I have been traveling so much.We have put 20,000 miles on the car in 9 months.

* I had an end of the summer cold that lasted 2 weeks. I still have some cough, but the cold is gone. 

* This year has been a great year for me creatively - art, photography and poetry.  I just have put so much of myself into it and I feel the joy coming of it in waves.

* Having lots of joy through creativity, but I am also struggling with loss of myself in movement.  My body is giving way to illness and I am having to learn how to do things differently now.

* Gratitude is a practice - that I try to engage in daily.  Thought I would share some from of my positives from my life the last couple months: Poetry dates, taking photos of old buildings, spankings from Master,  meeting new friends, dressing up, naps, being published, art time, brownies, game night, laughing, tea, therapy, bruises that make me smile every time I look at them, a clean house, Chinese food while watching John Stewart, playing in the park (not BDSM play just having fun in a park - dancing, taking goofy photos and so on), fans for hot summer days, mindfucks, sleep, doodles, pretty drives and time with Master, pink toenails, hot fudge sundaes, books, art supplies, and productive days.  I could go on and on. I really love the practice of gratitude as it helps me with my daily outlook on life. Helps me move forward on pain filled days where I start to feel hopeless.

* Adding this....we just revamped our website and Master and I both talked about moving our blogs completely over there.  How would you feel about having one place for M's and my blog?   I will tell you I will have a little bit of a problem moving, but only for sentimental reasons of blogging on blogspot for 13 years next month.  But thought I would throw it out to the actual people reading my blog.  Please feel free to leave a comment or email me.

Traveling Girl

Glenwood Canyon

I have been feeling off for a bit because we have been traveling SO MUCH!  Last weekend in February, the  first weekend in March and then every other week until last week - we have been out of town.  I feel like we have been living out a suitcase. Honestly we come home I do laundry and then just leave the suitcase out instead of stowing it away because I know it will be out again soon.

We have had some really good times though in our times out.  One trip, I was able to meet up with an old friend I met on LJ almost 10 years ago.  In the same trip we met a new lifestyle friend and she was just so nice to meet.  

Master and I have had poetry dates out while traveling, taken LOTS of photos and just had time to enjoy each others company.  It is one of the things I love about traveling - road trips give you so much amazing time to talk and be together without distractions. Master and I have these conversations that are fun, serious, deep and complex, light and easy and just full of us.  It is fantastic so I really enjoy that time and cherish it. 

I have had some quality time doing art.  Not a lot of course since we have been out of town a lot, but some pieces that really mean something to me. 

Shiprock

Master did have some health problems, but he is mending. I am having some health problems too, but the same ones that have been going on for years.  My sciatica really kicked into high gear when we got home from our last trip.  I do have an appointment coming up with my Doctor about my sciatica so hopefully things will get better on that end soon.  

But overall - life is good. Master is busy with his business. We have a lot of great things in our life and I am really completely grateful for this life we are living.

Rainbow in Idaho

2013 is Amazing

* My life is amazing right now. I just feel overwhelmed with joy. It is easy for the pain to flood in and bring me down though. So trying to hang on to all the good things in my life. Remind myself that I have super fantastic support system in my life between friends, Master and professionals in my life such as my doctor and therapist.  Hanging on to the joy and working to get the pain more under control. Plus having an abundance of joy.

* I got new glasses....first time I have worn glasses in at least 15 years.  I joked with the eye doctor that even though Colorado doesn't seem to mind me not having a glasses while driving....I do. :)  I had been driving more and didn't like not being able to read signs ahead.

* I am obsessed with Downton Abbey right now. I have watched season 1 and  2 several times and just hang on every episode - captivated.  I got Master hooked on them too. I mean he isn't obsessed like I am, but really enjoys the series too.

* I took on job via Master's business that he had a conflict with and I didn't want it to go to another company so I offered to do it. So it is my project, but it has been an experience as I am doing things out of my box of comfort.  It has been a good for me though. I had an appointment with the group this week and it went really well.  So made me feel more confident in how I am doing in the project. Still scary, but I know in the long run it is good for me to be doing this.

* 2013 has been artful and creative for me. I am reading a book about poetry (something I have never tried my hand at before) and I am having fun playing with words. Besides the poetry, I have many other fulfilling creative ideas and projects taking up my time. I can't imagine not having them going on now and want to explore them further. I hope to really push my creativity and art in 2013.

* My parents came for a visit at the beginning of January for several days. I have never seen my Dad so relaxed. He is retired now and it is agreeing with him. My Mom retired right before they left on this trip so she is still having some issues on the thought of not working again. My father and I have always had issues relating to each other. I long to be accepted for me by Dad.  That will never happen, but there is that little piece of me that always holds out hope. Anyway it is easy for me to take things very personally with my Dad so this time while he was here, I used Byron Katie's The Work and it helped me not take things personally so that I didn't create negative issues playing on repeat in my head. Which of course created a much more relaxed visit instead of being so stressed with everything.

* Really this is a pretty vanilla life update, but even though all this good vanilla stuff is going on in my life...my foundation with Master is really good too as Owner/property - Master/slave. Next week we will celebrate 10 years together on this journey and I was discussing with my therapist my relationship with Master - which she knows nothing about the M/s but does know about the poly. She was commenting on how solid Master and I are. She also finds it interesting because I am very insecure in myself often and other relationships like with my parents, but with Master,  I am so secure in our relationship. I know that we can get through any challenge that comes our way and I don't feel threatened or insecure about the poly or the time he puts into the business.  She just feels we have have a very strong healthy and secure relationship   I agree even with the parts she is missing...the M/s. I feel extremely blessed to be Master's slave and walk this path with him and have fantastic relationship.

Peace

Okay so I have been bad...really bad this fall about posting. I was on such a good streak and now....I have fallen off into the abyss again.

Things have just been busy.....and I have been really tired by the end of the day so.....blog is one of those things I let go of fairly quickly when that happens unfortunately as I do like to write. I do write actually - I just don't always post.  Doesn't feel complete the thought I start when I write so I don't post it and always have good intentions of coming back and finishing them.

So somethings going on in bullet points...
* got a new bed...sleep is so much better!

* got a few other new pieces of furniture and so the house felt like we had just moved in there for a bit

* my pain - the sciatica well it is worse at the moment which is typical I guess for how we are treating it. See I have one leg longer then the other - by 1/2 inch so....throwing everything off. I have a temporary lift in my shoe that is small then a half inch because starting slowly. Well pushing things back is making me in more pain.  Such pain that my therapist was concerned too and my medical and mental health are all linked in through the same place so....she was wanting me to make another appointment. I have a follow up for the end of the month.

* therapy is going really well right now.  I really appreciate all the help my therapist has given me. I know I mentioned back at the beginning of the year - I changed therapist's and my new therapist I love! She is so great about everything. Even the poly.

* teacup is going to be arriving on Saturday. She will be meeting all of Master's family as we will be there for a family event through the weekend.

* We will head home to have Thanksgiving here.

* Going to see some friends after Thanksgiving - can't wait to see them as we haven't been able to get together with them since the beginning of summer.

*The other day when I was sitting waiting to go into my therapy appointment something happened with another patient and it bothered me a lot.  I barely made it back into my therapists office without starting to cry.  It just bothered me and hurt so....I told her about it and felt better as she understood what happened and I knew then she would handle it after there making sure the person was okay.  But it just really made me feel for the other person.  One of my favorite sayings is - "Be kind for everyone is fighting a battle."  I think it is so true. We never know people's stories or the battle they are fighting so it really bothers me when people are unkind and lack compassion towards others.

Two friends right now are in an argument that escalated so much that they ended the friendship. I can get we all have different views. I can get we all have a core belief that sometimes we can't see beyond and see it how others see it.  My parents go to a church that is doesn't believe in Gays/Lesbians. Their church believes marriage is between a woman and man and any other type of relationship is a sin.  They also voted for Romney and who is against Gays/Lesbians having equal rights.  My sister is a lesbian. I am bisexual, but not out to them. But my sister is out to them. And they are against her loving in my eyes. Now they would explain they are for her loving and getting married, they just don't "support" the church's view or Romney's but they support the church through donating money to it weekly. The supported Romney through voting for him. And that for me says - they don't want their daughter to fall in love and get married. It bothers me and it is hard for me to see beyond that. But...even though I don't understand it.....I don't stop loving my parent's.  I don't agree with them, but I don't disown them. What I can do is look at them and know we are all different. It is their choice - even if I don't get it  I  don't continue to harp on them, I don't  continue to argue - but look towards them with compassion and hope and pray they will see how supporting those against equality for everyone hurts so many amazing people in the world including my sister.

Words and actions can sometimes hurt people so deeply - we can't understand or see how it affects them.  Someone called me a murderer because I had an abortion - someone who is a friend. It was really hard for me to let the disagreement about it go and just continue the friendship, but I finally let it go and hope one day the compassion that this person shows towards so many others will shown towards me and know what that word does to me.

There are so many words and actions that to me speak so clearly for us and sometimes we don't realize at all what it means to others.  I am trying really hard to think before I speak and act - are my words kind? true and necessary? do my actions hurt people I care about? will this be kind towards them? help them?  So many things to consider, but helps me in the long run too feel better.

We all say and do things that can cut to the core of us, but hopefully we can see a broader picture of compassion and love.  Yeah I am a tree-hugging bleeding heart liberal if can't tell by these last paragraphs. Peace to everyone!

Moments of Beautiful Fall Colors

The lack of posts in September were because we were gone out of town a little over 2 weeks.  Plus a week of getting ready and then we came home it was straight into work.

I really like road trips with Master. Although we didn't get a lot of alone time outside of the car - we at least had that time.  When we get in a car, we talk and talk. At home sometimes Master is too busy to have some deep, intense conversations, but in the car on a long road trip allows for him to just get away from business and let his mind go free....so we have these amazing conversations. We also took lots of back roads and saw so many beautiful places with amazing fall colors even that early. It was really nice.

We had a really good trip though because we were able to see family and friends. After business and such we traveled on to see my sister and her family....seeing especially my niece. She is going to be 2 soon and is acting like she is 2. She threw temper tantrums as well as being sweet and adorable.  My parents came down from their home to see us too. That was nice, but also kind of tense as my Dad's politics is getting on my nerves.  He posts political stuff on FB that make my blood boil and I usually try to counter what my Dad posts. As I don't usually say anything to him directly about politics as he is my Dad, but I also don't want the stuff he posts to be hanging out there so I post usually the counter of it.  So anyway....with my parents coming down to see us...I had to remind Master and myself that we couldn't talk politics. It was a little tense with my Dad, but we still had a nice time with everyone. And I got a lot of quality time with my niece.

I outed myself on the poly and teacup to my sister. I knew I had told her about having multiple partners when I was with Kam, but with Master she I know assumed we were monogamous  She asked some good questions - she first asked if were like Sister Wives.  I laughed and said no, but I am sure now people think of poly as that.  But really it went well.  She was fine with it and as always I think she will just chalk it up to - "it is my sister and expected that she lives an unconventional life." Because my family kind of views me as a free spirit.

After seeing my family, we had more work stuff to do.  It was really nice though to see the people we were working with as we hadn't seen them in quite a long time. I also got a different view of one of them that I didn't really understand until staying with there. We had a great hostess and I also saw the pain she does through still because of the event we all went through.  I really gained some respect and caring for her on a different level. I was thankful to have been able to help them.

From there we met up with teacup and it was great to be able to see her.  She gave me a coloring book and crayons! I always love to color! It was such a sweet gift - that I am so thankful to have someone in my life who remembers those kind of things about me.  Thank you teacup for the Princess coloring book and crayons!

So by the time we got to see teacup on our trip - we had almost been gone 2 weeks so I was pretty exhausted from having to be on around my family and friends. Plus I got my period (the 2nd that month) that was hitting me really hard.  So I wasn't in a great mood even though I was thrilled to see teacup. I had been wishing I could give her and Master more quality alone time as we all shared a hotel room so not like I had a place really to go when I was feeling so miserable because of my period.  But we made do and I got to see her and Master play and that is always fun to see! Yay me for getting to be a voyouer!

It is always hard to leave each other, but we look forward to November when she will be here for Thanksgiving! I can't wait to have her here for such a special holiday.

On our way home from our trip Master and I stayed at an amazing hotel in smaller town in Nebraska. Out of all the places we stayed it was the most beautiful and roomy...just packed with lush amenities.  We were both wishing we weren't so tired and staying one more night so we could have really enjoyed it.  It was really gorgeous room with a really good price too for such a plushy room.

What else is going on....

I have lost 20 pounds. Unfortunately my reasons for losing that weight is mostly due to pain making me not very hungry.  I am still struggling with my sciatica, but I have an appointment at the end of the month that I really am crossing my fingers will show us the reason I have been having problems....which is one leg is longer then the other.  But if that is the reason then there are solutions I think that we can work with to help get me back on track and feeling better.

Another good thing....I have been having nightmares 4 to 6  nights a week and my therapist found a drug to help block them. I have taken it only 2 nights, but I haven't had any so far and look forward to see it continue to work as sleep has been amazing for my mood/depression.

We have been really busy...it feels like we are really running around quite a lot and we are...as things are busy. Busy is good. But we are very tired and so that means I have been going to bed much much earlier then I ever have and trying to get more sleep. The last 2 nights, I have for sure and very thankful.

Overall I hope to be able to get back into the blogging swing of things.....just trying to catch up and breath a little first.

In Motion

* We have been traveling quite a bit - just day trips or a few days here and there. But soon we will be taking a longer trip. We will be going to see my sister and her family. After a few days with her, we will go do a work project and then after the work is done, we will spend the weekend with teacup as we will be in her neck of the woods. It is really great since we haven't seen her since June and it has been hard on all of us. But we see her again in November. She will be spending Thanksgiving with us.

* I have my follow up for my doctor coming up this week - for the sciatica. He did a treatment of cortisone that lasted 10 hours. Then he prescribed a pill that was for 5 days, but my doctor and my pharmacist were really at odds with each other on the drug. After taking this drug and seeing how I reacted, he will know better how to treat me. The drug worked great except for upsetting my stomach which was the pharmacist concern. But the positive of the drug it brought my pain down to zero on a pain scale and the most it would go up to is a 3. It still even almost a week after it has been done hasn't brought my pain back up to where it was before (a 7 was pretty much my daily consistent pain level).

* Yesterday we did yard work. Both of us are not fans of it.  I have bad allergies that really just cause me to be miserable because I would love to have some garden but just can't keep up with it. But this was icky yard work - pulling weeds. We have rock landscaping, but weeds come up in them and with my sciatica being as bad as it has been there has been no way I could do it before now.  It was hard to do it yesterday. Master ended up doing the backbreaking stuff. We had put it off until we couldn't any longer.

* The first of February is our anniversary, but the 1st of every month for the last 9 years Master says Happy Anniversary.  We laughed that our morning was spent doing yard work - fun fun! But really I am thankful that we can have of course lots of fun together, but also make things we don't like doing go a little faster and better by doing them together.  We did of course have some afternoon fun.

* We have all sorts of toys....whip, floggers, cane, evil stick, baton, leather strap and so on but the things that seem to always make marks on me are just things around the house.  When teacup was here last time, Master was looking for a tie in a bondage book. It wasn't giving him the info he wanted to he decided to instead use the book to beat me.  I ended up with some wicked looking bruises. Yesterday afternoon Master used a rubber band and I have nasty bruises on my breasts.

* We were out of town recently and when we arrived back in town we decided to get some errands out of the way before heading home. One thing was to go to the library as I figured I had some book waiting for me. I came with a HUGE pile.  Master shouted from the car on my way out of the library carrying the huge pile of books that I didn't need to check whole library out. The lady in front of me got a chuckle. But the sad thing is that huge pile of books I only have like 3 left to read as I am going through a book a day still.  I got through the Anita Blake series. All caught up again...I had been 3 books behind, but reread the entire series. I admit I got to one book there at the end - I think it was Hit List and thought of Kam. He used to read them out loud to me. I thought of him through the earlier books but Hit List for some reason really reminded me of him.

* Here is a youtube clip from the movie The Ugly Truth. I haven't seen the movie, but this clip is amusing. To me at least. Might be my lack of sleep. Or just thinking Gerard Bulter is hot.

Ugly July

This month has been hard on me.

 The end of May my sciatica came back and it is just getting worse and worse.  To the point that this month - I can't stand or sit very long. Laying down seems to give me the most relief at this time, but still is very painful and have to readjust positions often.  I have an appointment with my doctor next week. 

Because I am in such pain, I am falling behind on things around the house and other things such as blogging. But I have been reading like a mad-woman.  I am going through a book in a day or two.  My library requests aren't keeping up with me so in between waiting for them - I am rereading the Anita Blake series by Laurell K. Hamilton.  I have most of them so keep pulling them off the shelf in between my library books.  I am almost to the point in the series where I stop liking them.  

I am also reading the Highlander series by Karen Marie Moning and going to reread her Fever series after the Highlander series. If you haven't read anything by Karen Marie Moning and like bodice ripper type books - read her.  Master thinks is it is amusing because I can read her books that are bodice rippers where the woman is held down, hooded in one, tied up in others and  even one of them starts out with how the man is hung like a horse and even the horses envy him but I am not big on BDSM fiction. The Market Place series by Laura Antoniou being the exception.  But I like the bodice rippers where the women are feisty and get tamed. 

Books are the only thing keeping me from drowning right now.  When I am in this kind of pain cycle, it starts to bring me down. My depression starts weighing on me and I feel myself sinking into it.  I get why. I understand it logically but trying to fight it has nothing to do with logic.  It has nothing to do with even seeing it happening - even though recognizing it is good so I can see I need to fight it. It is just hard and tiring.  Books though have become the only thing that keeps my mind from sinking into it.  

Master is going through a great amount of stress right now too.  The kind of stress that makes your chest hurt.  I am trying to help him and just be here for him which I know he appreciates my support but I wish I could help more then just being supportive.  But this is a stress that won't go away until a solution is found. 

So that is where things are at the moment. I just thought I would try to get a life update posted so that people didn't think I fell off the earth. 

last week

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Fantasy + Reality = Fail (sometimes)

It is great when your fantasies play out just as good or better then they do in your head. But sometimes they do fail.  Yes, sometimes when a fantasy mixes with reality....it doesn't always work out well. We had one of those moments on Sunday. It was the evening of the Ring of Fire (solar eclipse).  Master and I were going to be going out to this remote desert area to view the Ring of Fire.  It is a beautiful area and remote enough that standing out semi-naked to naked - we don't have a very likely chance of having people wonder by . I do have to say with the eclipse we did seem to have more people out there but we were still all so far from each other - we couldn't see each other.  It is a very pretty area that is great to watch the sunset.  But that isn't what came to Master's mind when he first thought of going there.

Master doesn't have a big SUV but his automobile would be considered a SUV.  It has a back cargo area that when looking at it - looks pretty good size. We fit lots of things back there.  We have always had the fantasy of putting me back there and pulling the cover over it.  Kind of like being kidnapped and forced into the trunk of a car - instead it is a back cargo area.  Well....this is where fantasy meeting reality sometimes fails.  It was smaller then it looked.  I couldn't fit in it very well. It isn't very wide and not very deep either with the cargo cover on it. The cover just is a slide out screen that attaches to the backseat and then pulls and latches just before the hatch door.

Master ended up pulling over not far from our house and getting me out.  I am thankful but at the same time I felt like it was me that was failing but reality is that it just wasn't feasible due to size. I am a big girl and it isn't a big SUV so the cargo area isn't that big.  Insert big pouty face.

Also reality is even if it was bigger not sure I could do it still.  I would have had breathing problems.  I was having them as is and even in a bigger space it still would have been hard to breath.

I was really upset it didn't work but understand that is something that does happen at times.

We did though get to have some fun though. Master brought the single tail.  We really don't have a lot of room to use it in our house....well...really we do now that we rearranged the living room - he might be able to use it in there on teacup and I.  But really out in the desert - was PERFECT. Just perfect. Standing out there he could have all the room he wanted.  He hit me with my clothes on and then had me life up my dress and pull down my panties and whipped me that way too. It felt so delicious - nothing brings out my masochistic side as fast as the single tail and it has always been that way. I remember when I lived in Cleveland and felt it for the first time - I could have almost purred - it hurt but it was that hurt that just makes me crave to feel the pain over and over and over.   And although I hadn't felt the single tail in quite a long time - it brought that right out in me again.  It was amazing.  So although our fantasy didn't work with the cargo hold - we did get to have fun with the single tail.

We also got to sit and enjoy the beautiful setting sun. We didn't get to see the ring of fire.  But we had a nice picnic dinner, watched the sunset over mountains from a beautiful setting and we got some play time in too. It was a really wonderful evening and something we both wish we would do more often.

What's your secret? Mellow jazz? Bongo drums? Huge bag of weed?

Just a little life....

* Master was really into this cycle of using humiliation on me - then we had to go out of town and of course that threw us off our schedule. But it was lots of fun - being mindfucked and turned by it. :)

* My gawd I have my period and I think even if I fucked a whole army platoon I wouldn't be satiated. I am just so horny this time. I mean I am always horny with my period but this time seems like 10 times more then usual. But on top of being horny - I have had a migraine cycle from hell and having sex or orgasms don't really help them. But it hasn't stopped me from giving Master blow jobs even though it spikes me up....I don't care as I am just so horny I want his cock in me.

* We saw The Avenger's - twice! Oh so so good! Joss Whedon did a fantastic job! I am so happy for him and the success of the moive.  Last movie I saw twice in the theater was Star Trek. I think actually I saw that 3 times.  We just don't see movies in the theater often anyway so going twice is something we really don't do. Title of this post is from the Avenger's

* Because I am wanting Master's cock so much  - giving him multiple blow jobs a day lately he wrote Cock Slut in marker on my breasts.  During the movie on Friday - I reach out and touched his thigh just to lay my hand there and instantly spiked my desire of wishing we weren't in the theater and instead at home so I could have his cock in my mouth. I am telling you I am so freakin horny right now.

* teacup will be here again in less than a month! YAY!  When she booked her ticket, I think we were all bouncing off the walls that she gets to visit again so soon.

* When she is here - she will get to meet one of Master's long time friends who is poly while we are in Denver to pick teacup up from the airport.  And she might meet Master's sister too on our way back to bring her to the airport. We are out to Master's sister - she knows about our lifestyle - both the M/s and poly. She is excited to meet our love.  We also hope that she gets to meet some local friends that we were suppose to get together with last time - hopefully this time we are able to do that.

*  Spent lots of time in the kitchen this week - made homemade hoagie rolls earlier in the week and then Saturday I made homemade hamburger buns, browned 2 lbs of ground beef, made meatloaf for the freezer so I can take it out and bake later, made lots of meatballs, sauteed veggies and then made muffins for breakfast too. Last night we had hamburgers on homemade buns, corn on the cob with Northwood Seasoning from Penzeys Spices and then Cherry Wine with lemonade in it.  A recipe we got from a local winery when teacup was here last.  I am about to go make some things to take on a picnic to watch the sunset tonight and hopefully see the Ring of Fire (annular solar eclipse).  Master also has some fun things planned for on our trip to where we are going to view it - and for while we are out there. It is kind of a remote area.  I will write about it I am sure I will be writing about whatever happens. :)

* I am feeling very blessed right now. Because life is really good. I mean of course it would be better if teacup was here with us but I am just so happy we found someone who is such an amazing person  that meshes with us so well.   Master is great....I am just so happy with him and to be HIS. Life is just really good.  Love my Life!

Teacup

Teacup departed our arms  a week ago today. It was extremely hard to let her go as we had such an amazing time.

I am really glad that teacup's time with us gave her a taste of our everyday experiences. Master is self-employed and often our day/week get totally messed up because work comes first. And work got in the way right away. Monday and Tuesday we had tentative plans to meet some friends so they could meet teacup but Master ended up needing to do work both those days which then put other things we had wanted to do out of the schedule too. It really was a week of just planning it kind of day to day.

She got to experience everyday things like cleaning and folding clothes while Master was out on business. Her and I shopping and doing errands for Master while he was busy with work.  Her and Master running errands for his work and because we had to of course do some home repairs while she was here. She is a handy girl for sure - helped out on every level from sorting and filing things to doing home repairs. She just dove into the projects and was just willing to help out in any way.

We of course had LOTS of fun in there too.

Some highlights...mostly good with a few not so good thrown in to show it was everyday life full of ups and downs but mostly ups....
* her first night here - seeing her in bed with Master and being able to kiss them both good night. (our bed isn't big enough for all 3 of us to sleep comfortably in so we switched off nights sleeping with her)  It was quite overwhelming for me - in a good way. I was overwhelmed with love, affection and just joy...joy of seeing them in bed together...seeing her HERE with us.  It really choked me up with overflowing feelings and tears.

* I ended up being sick my first night sleeping with her

* I started spotting the day she arrived and then my period hit about half way through her visit and stopped the day she left.  My period was 10 days early. :(

* got to enjoy one of my obsessions with her - Harry Potter. She hadn't seen the last one so we watched the last 3 with her.  We also watched North by Northwest which is in my top 10 favorite movies. And we watched The Secretary which she hadn't seen before either.

* seeing teacup in her first hood, leather collar, cuffs and gag

* Master gagged us the first or second night - while he read from Laura Antoniou's  The Slave.  It was fun to see her drool. Her gag is much larger then mine as I have a small mouth - no really I do  My dentist even has told me that my mouth is small and always is asking me to open it more. :) Anyway - I have a small gag and she has a LARGE ball gag - she looked so pretty in it.

* Hearing Master and her having fun - really turned me on except for once...

* And I had a meltdown.  We all talked it out but it was very emotional. After that, later in the evening I did an Osho Zen tarot reading for all of us. teacup had never done tarot before and all of us....all of our cards were so spot on. I had 3 significant cards, but the last card actually used words from the meltdown earlier in the day.  It was very scary actually how accurate it was - we were looking at them like damn. It is amazing how much they can "read" you.

* teacup was a great help to me with a major project and doing some things around the house. I know I didn't let her do much, but this was also her vacation from work and I wanted her to be able to just relax. Next time she comes - I have promised to let her help more in chores and cooking. I pretty much spoiled her with food - I cooked a lot of our favorites and just had things planned out pretty good so that meals were covered.

* the liberator from Eden Fantasys arriving just in time to make sure her ass was in the air for Master to beat. (review of the liberator most likely coming at some point)

* knowing she now understands why when I say I am lucky that Master played the drums what I mean by that.  Master is the best spanker and it is all because he is a drummer. 

* my goodness that girl can take pain.  Really she could have gone on and on and on.

* She had lovely bruises on her ass and inside of her thighs.

* Her favorite toy is the Evil stick. (grins) Right teacup?  She knows the name fits it.

*  We had little afternoon trip to basically our backyard - where she took, I think it was, over 500 photos.

* We had a day trip too - and was wonderful to show her spots that have special meaning for us and create a moment that will now make it a very special spot for her.  Master collared her at one of our favorite places.  A waterfall we love to go to.

* I believe she enjoyed getting a taste of being chained to the bed at night. One night sleeping with her - her and I woke up with our male cat meowing because he wanted to be fed. He kept sitting there looking at us and meowing like "hey you guys are up come and feed me" but we were both chained to the bed.  So we kept telling him to go wake Master.  Have you ever watched Lassie where Lassie would come and tell them something by barking and of course they always understood. It would be something like Timmy fell in the well. We were doing that with our male cat - telling him to go tell Master Timmy fell in the well so he would come undo us from the bed .  Okay so maybe you needed to be here to get it :)

* Got some wine from local winery to enjoy on her last night here.  Also spent that afternoon at paint your own pottery place creating keepsakes for each other - we each took a turn at each other's piece to paint some of it.

*  One day Master had to work with a group of people and teacup and I were able to watch.  A couple people who are colleagues of Master but also friends said teacup and I looked like sisters.  Her and I both blushed because of the alternate meaning to us.  They all looked at her as a friend.  But she is part of our family and although sister isn't a word I would use for us - it is closest that works and that many use in poly situations.

Teacup is amazing person...she is so kind, funny, smart, adorable, pretty and sexy. She adapted quickly to things changing around here and the ups and downs. I loved being able to just spend time with her - no matter what it was...if it was sucking on her nipple or just talking - every moment with her was amazing. I feel really blessed we found such an amazing person to be a part of our family.

We had a lot more moments and each moment just seemed to feel right - right with her here with us.  It is something we are working towards. It will most likely be a long road to get her here with us but we are all wanting this so willing to wait.  But letting her go was really hard but we are looking ahead and keeping in mind all the wonderful memories we created.  We look forward to next time we see each other and for the eventual day she can move here to be with us.

(photo taken by Master several years ago even though Master did take some more this time. The falls just weren't as full right now so showing you a picture of them in their full beauty)

Amazing Day

"What if today, danae, was your day? The most amazing day of your life, so far? A day that would change everything for the better? What's already good would become great. What's already great would become amazing. And what's already amazing would become the stuff of legends.


And all you had to do to take advantage of the good and wonderful things about to happen for you, was treat folks with a true and eager kindness, think mostly of those things that please you, and go out in the world, just a bit, where you could meet, and mingle, and fall in love?


How much would you be clucking right now? Thumbs under your armpits, getting funky? Bobbing your head?


Start clucking baby! Beam, gush, preen! You got it...
    The Universe"


This was the note from the Universe for Monday and Monday was a truly spectacular day.  It was an amazing day that did change thing for better. Each day with teacup just makes my life feel like we have a life full of wonderful.


We took a little drive in our backyard basically as it a national park on the edge of our town and teacup snapped over 500 photos.  It was just a day of enjoying each other's company - exploring the beauty of Colorado with people I love. It was fun to see Master and teacup together - arms around each other, just being close.  It was nice to be a part of it. Being there with them hand in hand.  It feels like our family is complete now. Which is such an amazing feeling.


Many wonderful things done together as a family - all day.  Everything just feels so right.


Our day ended with me hearing Master and teacup - her sucking and him obviously doing things to her that she was enjoying as her moans got pretty loud. :)  I was just hearing and not seeing this as I was in the next room - and masturbating. I ended up cumming six time just to listening to the wonderfully erotic sounds of them.  A nice way to end a beautiful day together - listening to 2 people I love enjoying some intimate time.

Mixed Bag

Yesterday I was cleaning out a trunk we have in the bedroom but really doesn't get used except to have a quilt draped over it and to deposit clothes after wearing them.  Anyway, I am spring cleaning so decided to open the trunk and see what we had in there exactly and it was the most eclectic mix  bag of things that I found...

• a card from a friend in Ohio - that was from my going away party when I was moving to be with Master
• purses - I am not allowed a purse except for rare occasions. When I moved here, Master made me get rid of all my purses except like 5 of them - and I had a HUGE bin full of them. It was hard to whittle it down to just a handful. 
• a pin that used to blink that says "It's all about me"
• a business card of my attorney in Ohio - when my logo was flashed on the news I went to see to make sure I wasn't going to be getting in trouble
• a receipt from when Master and I met in Cheyenne when I was moving here. He met me there as I was nervous about traveling through mountains so he was basically going to guide me in to Colorado. So we met in Cheyenne - on May 9th, 2003 and when I had left in the morning from my stop in Nebraska it was sunny and warm. Just beautiful spring weather and when I got to Cheyenne in my short skirt and sandals - I had to dig out warm clothes as I was walking through INCHES of thick fluffy snow.  But the reason for the receipt was that I got a flat tire and just made it to the hotel. Master and I then took it to a tire place in the morning as I had something in the tire so they patched it. 
• mix tapes from high school - so 80's music
• old floppy disks - that I believe have naked or at least scantily clad photos of myself
• and last but not least my very first vibrator. It was hard plastic with rubber sleeves. I only have the one sleeve that is on it and I know it doesn't work anymore but I guess I had problems throwing it out. Master said we should put up a little shrine for it with a candle in front of it.  

Day to Day

So thought I would do a little life update as I hadn't done one in a while...


Master and I were all prepared to be traveling across country for his work. It would have given me a chance to see my friends in Ohio - just for a night but at least one evening with them would have been amazing. It also was going to give us a chance to stop off and see teacup too before heading home.  Just a day or two before we were going to leave it got called off. We thought it was going to be reschedule and now...it is pretty much been call off for good.  It really is disappointing for us. Seeing my friends in Ohio would have been so great. I miss them more then I think I let myself realize. It wasn't until I wrote them to say I might be coming that I really let those flood gates open. The thought of sitting and talking with Moni, Angel and everyone else just make me feel so good.  Not to mention it would have meant more time with teacup - because although she is visiting soon we don't live near each other so anytime with her is so good.  So disappointment all around.  


As teacup kept saying everything happens for a reason - well as it does turn out Master started feeling really bad about 2 days before we would have left and he ended up with the most nasty flu/cold which he then passed on to me. I don't think I have ever been so sick. I am still recovering actually.  But there for a while the body aches, fever and headache were really doing a number on me.  So it would have been horrible to be this sick on the road so I guess that is the reason why we didn't go. 


Because I have been so sick that I have gotten off the schedule of things I wanted to get done before teacup visits so the next couple weeks for me will be busy busy. 



kaya wrote a great entry on her blog about  having a threesome with her Master and poly...goes into the great sex and also the feeling around just having someone else in his/their life.  It says so many things that I totally related to and understood from both sides actually from being in her position she is in now  to being the other woman and how that position relates to the couple.  So...taking a little piece from kaya's recent writing about her threesome with her Master....


"I am not immune to the normal fears. Of course I worry about being replaced. I worry that she’s better (easier?) than I am. I wonder why I’m not enough. I worry that he’ll prefer to spend time with her over me because she’s new and shiny and she hasn’t had 8 years of picking up dirty socks to curb her enthusiasm."


I have said something similar over and over. I am the old shoe. And she is the new shoe.* She is shiny and bright and you want to wear her all the time. I am the old shoe that has been cleaning his toilets and picking up his dirty underwear for the last 9 years so being in the relationship day in and day out does make some of the shiny go away.  (*This is the generic version of she and not referring just to teacup)  I am not saying we don't have fun and we have moments of shiny but our moments have moments of mundane day to day life in it. And often with shiny the new relationship energy is there and making everything bright even the mundane.


In my past poly relationships and past relationship with my ex-husband, I never felt replacable.  So this is something that happened with Master. I always have chalked it up to - my relationship with him is different then it has been with anyone else. Really that comes into it very strongly.  Because with him everything changed on how I function within a relationship.  



The other night Master and I stayed up all night having a discussion turned argument turned discussion about something that actually in the end revealed a key point of my internal dialog - why I have these particular little tapes that play that tell me I am replaceable. I have a fear of being replaced by teacup and all the logical and rational thought I throw it - doesn't really calm those feelings down much. These feelings really didn't come out strong until her but I remember when we started this path I did have the nagging feelings inside that said that I could be replaced. Now I figured out the underlying reasons for some of the feelings a while back but it was really the other night that Master and I figured out the bottom line where it all steams from. It isn't pretty.  It isn't something I am going to discuss here so sorry for eluding to it but not saying it but just the way it goes....the reason I am talking about it because I had fears that after we told teacup about it that she wouldn't want to be with us.  She of course handled with grace and understanding that she always seems to have in abundance....she accepted it and was very supportive in doing anything she can to help me get through this.  I am very thankful we found someone who is such an amazing person inside and out. So kind and caring - I love and adore her. I can't wait until she is here. 

Rehash

* I have a new therapist as my previous one left the office I go to so I had to start seeing a new one.  It has been stressful but I do like her and she is open minded. I really worried  about her not being accepting of the poly or some things in my life. I do think she would have a problem with the M/s - just like I thought my last therapist would have too but the poly she is completely fine with. 


* She and I are going to be rehashing some things I am not looking forward to rehashing. I really feel I have dealt with a lot of things but looking at my history I can see how those times in my life are a direct link to my self-esteem and body image issues. So it makes sense to rehash them - just not looking forward to what it will bring up. 


* 10 years ago I closed the escort agency. WOW 10 years? It doesn't seem that long ago really. Last Sunday evening teacup was mentioning she was going to watch the Grammy's and then my odd associate with the Grammy's came up. Probably the last time I watched the Grammy's also...the night of the Grammy's 2002 there was a teaser for the news and it flashed the logo to my escort agency. When I watched the news, it was talking about the business of escort agencies being online. It showed my website with blurred out photos of the girls. It was pretty damn scary and at the same time it freed me of a lot of stress as I hadn't been having fun with running the agency part anymore. So it made my decision to close it pretty simple. 

* I got to chat on the phone with a good friend last Thursday and it was so good to hear voice and chat with her.  She is so happy and I am so thrilled for her. 


* February 1st - Master and I celebrated 9 years together. We had a pretty low key day as I got sick after going out for breakfast.  It really seems like it hasn't been 9 years, but of course I am so happy that I have spent 9 years with an amazing Man.  I am thrilled that after all this time we still walk this path and yes we have struggles still but we still have the foundation.  I love that we have strength in our relationship. 


* My doctor took me off of one of my meds. I actually am down to just a few meds now. Anyway...my one med that my doctor took me off of was for my sciatica. I was okay for 2 weeks being off of it but the last few days I am having problems. But I have to say his reasons for taking me off of them - a symptom it caused - is gone so he was right about it. Just not sure how to live with the pain I am starting to be in and if it gets worse I won't be able to walk like last time. I have a follow up appointment with him so I will discuss it with him. I mean really I would like to not be on it but I also want to be able to walk. 


* Since teacup now has her gift...I can talk about this...Master and I went to a paint your own pottery place to paint teacup - a teacup and saucer for her birthday. It was so much fun! We were really obsessing of course because we wanted it perfect for her but the afternoon was a lot of fun. We really want to go back and make something for ourselves. It really wasn't a bad price either. They just charge for the piece - no studio fees or glazing costs or anything that is all in the price of the piece. It was a fun afternoon date!


* teacup booked her plane ticket to come visit us.  yay! Counting down days!


* I think that is about all that is going on with me right now.

Good Moon Rising

Yesterday Master had to go out town for business, just for the day.  So a nice day trip for us.  It’s a few hours of work with most of it driving there and back.  He had figured that on the way home we would be still on the road as it got dark.   The area we were driving through is very lightly populated area and there isn’t much traffic....SO....Master hooded and restrained me with cuffs and chain.  We brought a steel collar but it was having some difficulties, so had to leave that off.

After the sun was well over the horizon, he pulled off and got me all setup before we continued our travel home.  I was nervous as I could hear the cars driving past, but Master was making really good time affixing the bondage and getting me situated in the front seat.  At first the motion was a little weird, but I got used to it quickly.  The area we were in is quite hilly and curvy so we were worried about motion sickness but I did fine.  I could tell when it was hills and curves but I didn't feel sick.  I could even tell when Master was speeding up and slowing down not by the sound of the engine, but by how it felt sitting there and feeling the car move.

It was really an odd feeling not being able to look around.  It was really hard not be able to look at Master in the car.  We do lots of road trips and talk, so I always look at him. So this was us talking, but I couldn't look.  He would reach over and stroke my hood-covered head.  It was the PVC hood with the open mouth, Master’s favorite.  I would feel his hand through the hood and crave to look at him and reach out and touch him too.  I couldn't move though as I had limited mobility.

It was hot (as in sexy hot, not temperature hot). It was nerve racking too.  I kept thinking of people that might see me - and of course that was a turn on too.  A turn on because – well, it’s naughty being caught!

As we approached our town Master knew he might have to take my hood off as a car might pull up and if it was someone we know - that would be bad. Especially a work associate or just a concerned citizen who happened to look over and find someone hooded in the car. So he pulled the hood off not too far from our house. He had taken some back ways as long as he could and then when he couldn't avoid people pulling up next to us any longer, I had to have the hood off. The cuffs and chains were still on just not the hood.

As we were getting close to home, I also was having the growing need to pee. REALLY badly!  Now Master and I had discussed pissed play things just earlier that day so he was taunting me with it. We were playfully bantering back and forth about it.  He was hitting all the bumps in the road so that my bladder felt like it was ready to burst right on the spot....you know just making it as difficult as possible to HOLD IT!

I was READY (okay – beyond READY, more like an EMERGENCY HOLD) to get into the house when we pulled in the drive way. But we still had to unload the car of some equipment and files. I was still cuffed and staying that way. It was a bit of challenge to pick things up with a short chain between my wrists. But I was picking up things talking to Master about how I really needed to pee and that if we didn't get into the house soon I was going to piss right there on the driveway. Which I am sure turned him on. I know I said it pretty loud. I mean someone standing a few feet away might hear. But not anyone in the next house over.

We live in a neighborhood where we rarely talk to our neighbors. I mean I can count on fingers how many times I have probably talked to neighbors in the 8 years of being here that is how rare I talk to a neighbor.  Last night of course we had a neighbor who saw us pull in and came to ask us about the lady that lives next door. Now I didn't see him walk up. I just heard him speak right after I expressed how I was ready to piss right there in the driveway. He scared me so I jumped slightly and turned fully to him - cuffs and chain showing directly to him. I realized that and quickly turned to hide behind the open door but continued to answer his questions. Master hadn't heard him but noticed I had turned away and was talking so looked and saw him so came around and talked to him.

But of course all that could go through my head was oh my gawd that man just saw me in the cuffs and chain and THANK GAWD Master didn't keep me in the hood until we got home!  It embarrassed me but of course at the same time is funny that in all the time I have lived this is the time a neighbor chooses to come up and talk to us.  It’s possible that with it still being dark enough outside – that the neighbor didn’t see anything, but we pride ourselves not putting our kink out in the open like that so murphy’s law was definitely working against us.  It would figure that of all the times we have made the trip without incident, of all the times we have come home late from whenever without as much of nary a peep from our neighbors … that the night we decide to spice things up and get a little kink-on would be the time our neighbors decide to talk with us.

Later in bed, Master put the hood on me again and long gloves - so we could work on the arousal we built on our ride.  We had lots of fun and it ended with him cumming in my mouth and on the hood. I just felt like a very well used object.  Such a nice way to end a great day.

What about the good moon rising part?  There was a full moon out last night or at least that’s what Master said to me this morning.  Hard to see such a sight being hooded, but I wouldn’t have given it up to see the moon.  Good times, good thoughts, nice tinglies and good memories!  Good good good!

It's December - Really?

* We had a chance to have lunch with good friends before we have to hit the road for the holidays. It was a lunch in unexpected place because none of the other options were available but we made due, We had good talks with like minded people who get us. It is so good to get together with them.  Also got a cute cute fabric candle ring she made - so cute!

* It was good to hang out and talk with them as lately I just feel so out of touch with all my friends. I haven't chatted with so many friends on im or phone lately and it is making me feel very far away from them. I miss them.

*We had out time at home cut down from having a week left to having 3 days. So I have had to cut all baking from my to-do list and if you had read this blog for any length of time you know I love to bake at the holidays so it is really hard for me to cut that off my list. It just doesn't seem like the holidays this month to me. Only thing that has been so fun is that I am making a gift for everyone on my list that is just a lot of fun and has a lot of meaning to me.  So that is making this time special.

* Domestic Servitude is posting every day in December and it isn't just me posting! :)  Please go check out all the great posts!

* I am so silly happy that a change in our holiday plans from flying to driving means we can meet up with teacup. yay!

 * Although I feel 2011 just flew by because it was so busy - it was a much better year then 2010.  Despite my health problems it still was a better year then 2010.  So many things to count as wonderful memories and blessings.

Can't Breath

I have been sick...well struggling with my asthma. I am almost at 3 weeks of not being able to breath and it really has got me down. A couple weekends ago we were suppose to go and be with some friends moving to the area. Help them paint and just hang out and talk but with my asthma we couldn't. And then this past Friday there was a munch that we couldn't go to. There are quite a lot of smokers and my asthma was really raging out of control so I knew I couldn't handle it. And it turned out to be the biggest munch that our area has had so far so really bummed we missed it.

Because I can't breath - I don't have a lot of energy and I just can't do a lot without causing more breathing problems. So things I had under control have slipped out of control again...like the house. It was clean and I was finally maintaining it pretty good and then I got sick and now I can't keep up.

I have several obligations I have fallen behind on - one being Domestic Servitude blog. I have several posts started - some I just needed to do some photos and don't have the energy. It is very frustrating so I have gotten down. I have had several days of melt downs which of course doesn't help my asthma. Being upset just exasperates it more of course so that doesn't help me but I just get so down about not being able to do anything. Master of course has been great and understanding. He has gone out of his way to help me in anyway he can. Even to the point of thinking of getting me a nebulizer to have here at home.

It is so funny - I didn't have to use my inhaler for over 2 years. And then this spring allergies started up and I needed it. I was shocked. I had to have my doctor call in a new one as all mine were expired. This inhaler has a counter on it and I am now down to 95 puffs left it started with just under 200. So in just a few months I have used it that much. But I have used it the most in the last few weeks. I am using it anywhere from 4 to 6 times a day - everyday. I have a doctors appointment coming up so see if there is anything else I can be doing. But still seems allergy related so not sure there is much they can do for me.

I just hope whatever is causing it to rage out of control goes away and things get back to normal. I just can't live this way. It sucks even more since I finally had gotten so many other things more under control - like having less migraines and my sciatica not causing me hardly any pain and able to walk normally. I want to be able to have those good days back.