30 Days of Kink - Day 8

Day 8: Post a kinky image you find erotic.

Well I am not going to post a photo, but I will link to some that I find erotic - that are over on my tumblr.  I can't just point to one either as too many choices! I find a wide range of photos erotic. I don't need every photo to include kinky things...I like the female body and so many shots I post aren't of bdsm but include elements that I enjoy. I can enjoy something without it turning me on too. It just is a nice feeling looking at them.  If I want to be turned on, I do need to look at BDSM photos.  It has to be bondage, breath play, photos that imply humiliation, force, captivity and pain turn me on.  So if you want to see the wide range of photos - go to my tumblr (if you click on the archive which is on the sidebar of the tumblr - it will give you thumbnail view of photos month by month.)  

So for here for this post.....just pulling out a few select ones.... no order probably not even many of my favorites just photos that turn me on...

Black and White Bondage photo - I just like the way the bondage look. I love rope bondage and every Friday on Tumblr I post just rope bondage photos. Recently I as introduced to a Bondage Photographer that I really am enjoying....http://lightworship.tumblr.com/

Piggie - She just looks so used with that pig snout on and cum in her hair.

Wax - His hand around her throat, whispering to her, tied up - no place to go while he hold her and drips wax on her - yums

Under water - I love this...well one it is an insex photo and they always turn me on.  Next she is tied up, under water, completely submerged with a tube for breathing, and a grate on top of her like a cage.  So many good things going on. Here are a couple others that are good under water photos - tied up struggling and held under and fucked and held down in bathtub struggling

Worship - I love the look on her face - I get that way sometimes about Master's cock too - where I am inhale and know how truly happy I am to able to be there and about to suck his cock.  Very happy place to be. Camille Crismson of The Art of Blowjob posts good blow job photos

Bodywriting - Master has wrote on me before and it turned me on a lot

Blackeye - I love the thought of having a black eye so looking at that lovely black eye makes me think of it being done to me. I love bruises and marks from Master, but having such an overt one really turns me on.  Another good black eye photo.

Choked - Breath play is one of my favorites so any photo that shows forms of it such as being chocked always get me going.

Over All - gag, bondage, insertable, rope around neck possibly strangling, suction on nipples - just pain and over all deliciousness

Encased - love the overall confinement of this - cut off.  Catsuit, belt straps to restrain, inflatable gag, hood, corset binding, posture collar - all of it makes it very hard to move. Would be very helpless and cut off from the outside world. It turns me on and scares the shit out of me at the same time.

previous answered questions

Evil Stick

In my post describing teacup's visit, I mentioned the Evil Stick.  Do you know what an Evil Stick is? If not well...I am here to do a show and tell. But beware hide this post from d-types because these are wicked! :)

The Evil Stick is this little stick that looks so non-threatening because...well it is so small, light, thin and kind of innocent looking. You look at it and think there is no way that will pack any pain.  I am not sure exactly what it is made of but supposedly it is made of space-age science-composite materials with a leather braided handle. I think this was the first gift I ever gave Master...yes I am a masochist.

You hold it fairly close to the skin. You then bend that space age material back. Do not even need to pull it back very much because even a little will inflict pain - I promise.  Let go and it will snap at the skin and then you will hear noises indicating you have caused pain with this Evil Stick.  It stings but actually the stings continue for several moments later.  It will be tender and welt up right away. It brings up thin lines of welts that might not look all that bad but they sting...really sting.  Master took pictures of the welts, but they just weren't showing up well in the photos.

Master snapping the Evil Stick back to hit my bottom

I will say over continued use the Evil Stick can break or develop cracks in it, but for us it has taken a long time.  They aren't expensive toys so easily replacable.  You can get the Evil Stick here. I have felt the 2 pronged one also but it was before Master and I remember it hurt just as much as the single.  I am not getting anything from this post....just letting people know about them.

Teacup

Teacup departed our arms  a week ago today. It was extremely hard to let her go as we had such an amazing time.

I am really glad that teacup's time with us gave her a taste of our everyday experiences. Master is self-employed and often our day/week get totally messed up because work comes first. And work got in the way right away. Monday and Tuesday we had tentative plans to meet some friends so they could meet teacup but Master ended up needing to do work both those days which then put other things we had wanted to do out of the schedule too. It really was a week of just planning it kind of day to day.

She got to experience everyday things like cleaning and folding clothes while Master was out on business. Her and I shopping and doing errands for Master while he was busy with work.  Her and Master running errands for his work and because we had to of course do some home repairs while she was here. She is a handy girl for sure - helped out on every level from sorting and filing things to doing home repairs. She just dove into the projects and was just willing to help out in any way.

We of course had LOTS of fun in there too.

Some highlights...mostly good with a few not so good thrown in to show it was everyday life full of ups and downs but mostly ups....
* her first night here - seeing her in bed with Master and being able to kiss them both good night. (our bed isn't big enough for all 3 of us to sleep comfortably in so we switched off nights sleeping with her)  It was quite overwhelming for me - in a good way. I was overwhelmed with love, affection and just joy...joy of seeing them in bed together...seeing her HERE with us.  It really choked me up with overflowing feelings and tears.

* I ended up being sick my first night sleeping with her

* I started spotting the day she arrived and then my period hit about half way through her visit and stopped the day she left.  My period was 10 days early. :(

* got to enjoy one of my obsessions with her - Harry Potter. She hadn't seen the last one so we watched the last 3 with her.  We also watched North by Northwest which is in my top 10 favorite movies. And we watched The Secretary which she hadn't seen before either.

* seeing teacup in her first hood, leather collar, cuffs and gag

* Master gagged us the first or second night - while he read from Laura Antoniou's  The Slave.  It was fun to see her drool. Her gag is much larger then mine as I have a small mouth - no really I do  My dentist even has told me that my mouth is small and always is asking me to open it more. :) Anyway - I have a small gag and she has a LARGE ball gag - she looked so pretty in it.

* Hearing Master and her having fun - really turned me on except for once...

* And I had a meltdown.  We all talked it out but it was very emotional. After that, later in the evening I did an Osho Zen tarot reading for all of us. teacup had never done tarot before and all of us....all of our cards were so spot on. I had 3 significant cards, but the last card actually used words from the meltdown earlier in the day.  It was very scary actually how accurate it was - we were looking at them like damn. It is amazing how much they can "read" you.

* teacup was a great help to me with a major project and doing some things around the house. I know I didn't let her do much, but this was also her vacation from work and I wanted her to be able to just relax. Next time she comes - I have promised to let her help more in chores and cooking. I pretty much spoiled her with food - I cooked a lot of our favorites and just had things planned out pretty good so that meals were covered.

* the liberator from Eden Fantasys arriving just in time to make sure her ass was in the air for Master to beat. (review of the liberator most likely coming at some point)

* knowing she now understands why when I say I am lucky that Master played the drums what I mean by that.  Master is the best spanker and it is all because he is a drummer. 

* my goodness that girl can take pain.  Really she could have gone on and on and on.

* She had lovely bruises on her ass and inside of her thighs.

* Her favorite toy is the Evil stick. (grins) Right teacup?  She knows the name fits it.

*  We had little afternoon trip to basically our backyard - where she took, I think it was, over 500 photos.

* We had a day trip too - and was wonderful to show her spots that have special meaning for us and create a moment that will now make it a very special spot for her.  Master collared her at one of our favorite places.  A waterfall we love to go to.

* I believe she enjoyed getting a taste of being chained to the bed at night. One night sleeping with her - her and I woke up with our male cat meowing because he wanted to be fed. He kept sitting there looking at us and meowing like "hey you guys are up come and feed me" but we were both chained to the bed.  So we kept telling him to go wake Master.  Have you ever watched Lassie where Lassie would come and tell them something by barking and of course they always understood. It would be something like Timmy fell in the well. We were doing that with our male cat - telling him to go tell Master Timmy fell in the well so he would come undo us from the bed .  Okay so maybe you needed to be here to get it :)

* Got some wine from local winery to enjoy on her last night here.  Also spent that afternoon at paint your own pottery place creating keepsakes for each other - we each took a turn at each other's piece to paint some of it.

*  One day Master had to work with a group of people and teacup and I were able to watch.  A couple people who are colleagues of Master but also friends said teacup and I looked like sisters.  Her and I both blushed because of the alternate meaning to us.  They all looked at her as a friend.  But she is part of our family and although sister isn't a word I would use for us - it is closest that works and that many use in poly situations.

Teacup is amazing person...she is so kind, funny, smart, adorable, pretty and sexy. She adapted quickly to things changing around here and the ups and downs. I loved being able to just spend time with her - no matter what it was...if it was sucking on her nipple or just talking - every moment with her was amazing. I feel really blessed we found such an amazing person to be a part of our family.

We had a lot more moments and each moment just seemed to feel right - right with her here with us.  It is something we are working towards. It will most likely be a long road to get her here with us but we are all wanting this so willing to wait.  But letting her go was really hard but we are looking ahead and keeping in mind all the wonderful memories we created.  We look forward to next time we see each other and for the eventual day she can move here to be with us.

(photo taken by Master several years ago even though Master did take some more this time. The falls just weren't as full right now so showing you a picture of them in their full beauty)

BDSM Peep Porn for Easter

So several years ago Master and I did BDSM Easter Eggs.....

You can see them all here.


 And last night we decided to do BDSM Peep Porn....

You can see all the Easter BDSM Peeps here.  Happy Easter!

Mixed Bag

Yesterday I was cleaning out a trunk we have in the bedroom but really doesn't get used except to have a quilt draped over it and to deposit clothes after wearing them.  Anyway, I am spring cleaning so decided to open the trunk and see what we had in there exactly and it was the most eclectic mix  bag of things that I found...

• a card from a friend in Ohio - that was from my going away party when I was moving to be with Master
• purses - I am not allowed a purse except for rare occasions. When I moved here, Master made me get rid of all my purses except like 5 of them - and I had a HUGE bin full of them. It was hard to whittle it down to just a handful. 
• a pin that used to blink that says "It's all about me"
• a business card of my attorney in Ohio - when my logo was flashed on the news I went to see to make sure I wasn't going to be getting in trouble
• a receipt from when Master and I met in Cheyenne when I was moving here. He met me there as I was nervous about traveling through mountains so he was basically going to guide me in to Colorado. So we met in Cheyenne - on May 9th, 2003 and when I had left in the morning from my stop in Nebraska it was sunny and warm. Just beautiful spring weather and when I got to Cheyenne in my short skirt and sandals - I had to dig out warm clothes as I was walking through INCHES of thick fluffy snow.  But the reason for the receipt was that I got a flat tire and just made it to the hotel. Master and I then took it to a tire place in the morning as I had something in the tire so they patched it. 
• mix tapes from high school - so 80's music
• old floppy disks - that I believe have naked or at least scantily clad photos of myself
• and last but not least my very first vibrator. It was hard plastic with rubber sleeves. I only have the one sleeve that is on it and I know it doesn't work anymore but I guess I had problems throwing it out. Master said we should put up a little shrine for it with a candle in front of it.  

Review: B-Bomb Anal Vibrator

My first impressions of the B-Bomb Anal Vibrator were it's color, a pretty deep purple and the moderate shape and size in comparison to other anal vibrators. When Master lubed me up to insert it, I didn't need to stop and catch my breath or relax my ass muscles. The silicone has flexibility that ensures it sliding in very easily. Inside the base of the anal vibrator is a small battery bullet that contains three small watch batteries which were included. Once the batteries are installed in the sealed bullet, it fits very snugly inside the silicone base. A small button at the bottom of the bullet springs the vibrator to life. When inserted, the vibrations are not overly powerful where they numb you out, but they were just perfect stimulation to keep me turned on. Master spanked me with it in and it was a very nice combination of sensations - both vibrations of the B-bomb anal vibrator and spanking together.

There are a couple of things I didn't like about this anal vibrator. Due to my latex allergy, I need silicone based products. This B-bomb anal vibrator is silicone but it is a tacky (as in sticky) one. However it's not completely sticky but it is just a little tacky to the touch. For instance, when I lay it down (as it can't stand which I will get to in a moment) on the bed or a towel it comes away with some fuzz on it. Not much but a little - I just know I will need to be careful not to lay it on anything that it can come away with a lot of lint.

My other problem is the vibrator doesn't go all the way in. I can see by the design, it's good because it makes it easier to open the vibrator to replace the batteries and to pull it out of the base of the plug, however it sticks out a bit and thus making it very impractical. After we were done playing, I turned the vibrator off but didn't take it out. When I rolled over and sat flat, the B-Bomb turned itself on again due to the on/off button that's located at the base of the bullet. This isn't the type of plug you could wear while just sitting around the house as it would turn on and off as you move, but during sex and having fun in bed - it did great!

One thing I read about AFTER using the B-Bomb was the instruction to use a little water based lube on the bullet before putting it into the base of the plug. Then that way it won't be so difficult to take out and put back in after cleaning it. If you don't lube the bullet, it is very hard to get the bullet back out of the plug. This bullet is waterproof so just a little water based lube on it is suppose to be okay and help with that problem. I haven't tried it yet but I will be NEXT time for sure.

The B-bomb did give me the sensation that it wanted to fall out. After it was inserted, the plug came back out a little but not all the way. During the entire time we played with the B-Bomb, it just wasn't snug in my ass but I don't think that is a big deal. It still felt very good even though it wasn't snug. I still felt the fullness of it in my ass and the vibrations to be quite pleasurable. However, I did find it starting to be pushed out when I had an orgasm, but I've had my vaginal vibrators do that too. But I really again don't find this to be a big problem as I am having the orgasm so I am really done with the anal vibrator anyway.

I think this anal vibrator is good for those who have already started out with a small butt plug and might ready for the next step. This is a good toy for those who are experienced, but who have not tried a vibrating anal plug. It isn't overly big but does have a moderate full shape to it. The silicone composition makes it nice to slide in and it has nice vibrations sending wonderful little tingles of sensation through the ass. The B-bomb has lots of options when cleaning it - you can use it with soap and water, toy cleaner, a ten percent bleach solution, wipes or you can boil it or stick it on top rack of your dishwasher to sterilize. Since it is a silicone toy it is best to use a water based lube. And not to store it next to any other silicone sex toys. Over all I really do think it is a nice anal vibrator and I am sure we will be breaking it out in our play often.

Review: The Violet Ripple Anal Plug

Master and I went out to dinner one night and on the way home we picked up our snail mail. In the mail box was package. Neither us could recall ordering anything, so I puzzled over the return label to see who it was from. It was so discreetly packaged I couldn't figure it out. My eyes lit up when it dawned on me that it had to be the anal plug from Eden Fantasys!

We had just talked that morning over breakfast about setting aside time the next morning to play because our weekend was going to be incredibly busy and we wanted time to connect and enjoy each other. So the plug arriving the day before we were going to play seemed to be perfect timing.

I was really surprised by how pretty the anal plug is. When I took it out the package and set it on the table it looked so pretty just sitting on the table and well - it is sexy looking too. That made me want to play with right away. Every time I look at it sitting on my night stand I think, "oh yes lets play" - it just is so pretty and sexy. The Violet Ripple Anal Plug is an attractive color and elegant design. It is made of incredibly smooth Pyrex glass (no sharp edges, no seams, nothing that might cut or scrape) and it can be cleaned very easily. You can even put in the dishwasher. I washed it with hot soapy water - just like I was washing dishes (but just washed it alone of course.) It comes with a little drawstring bag to store it in. I like that as it gives it a little protection instead of just rolling around in the drawer that I store many of my sex toys.

I am not new to anal play. I really enjoy it even though it is something we don't do that frequently. Even though I'm not a beginner - I don't feel I am just able to slip a plug in and go. So when it came time to play, Master put plenty of lube on me and the toy. He slipped fingers in and out before trying the plug to help me relax a little bit.

The Violet Ripple's caused some uncomfortableness when it reached the widest point upon insertion. I would have to ask Master if he could stop for a moment. After taking a few breaths, I could relax and then he can continue pushing the plug in. After it slides in, it just feels heavy inside. It's made from solid glass, so it makes sense that it will be heavier than a rubber or silicone one. There is no give to the plug. Heavy feels good to me, like it won't come out as some of the other plug products I've experienced before.

I had it in for about an hour the first time just sitting and doing things. I even had an opportunity to wear it out in public and had no issues. The hardness of the glass might be difficult for some people to take but I do have some extra padding on my bottom so that might make a difference. I do notice the plug inside, but that isn't a bad thing to me. I actually notice it is there more because where it stretches and goes thin around the neck of the plug. I just feel that stretching even after it has been in a while. I become very sensitive to the feeling of it in me, so walking around, sitting or tending to things - I notice it. It is a good sensitive sensation to me where it turns me on.

After reading some of the reviews and comments on Eden Fantasys, there has been the worry about the base being too small. I LOVE it! I absolutely love the fact it doesn't have a wide base to it. I didn't have any problems with it slipping all the way in, nor do I get the sense I would ever have a problem with it doing that. I love how close it fits on my anus opening. Many of my previous anal plugs had a wide base on them that had a square or oddly shaped such as the one pictured below.

With previous butt plugs, the square base usually sat between my ass cheeks. When I walk with the plug, what does that do to the plug? It moves that base....moving it back and forth, back and forth - just like you are unscrewing it ... and yes that is exactly what ends up happening so that they come right out. It wouldn't matter what size the plug was either. I've had larger sizes than the Violet Ripple and they would almost always start to pull it out when I walked because of the movement of my butt cheeks moving the base and eventually pull it downward and out. Thankfully the Violet Ripple isn't that way. Although the hardness of the edges made me fully aware the plug was there - it never felt like it was going to fall out when I moved - even though it was heavy. One would think that with the additional weight of the plug, that there would be a greater tendency for it to fall out, but I didn't get that feeling.

Because of the smaller base, the Violet Ripple was harder for me to insert and remove by myself. Mainly this happened because my fingers get slippery with lube. So once I finally get my ass and plug lubed up, I have to make sure to clean off my fingers so that I can get a good grip on the plug to insert it. Because the plug is made from glass and has a smaller base, it kept slipping from my fingers when I had lots of lube on them.

When I found out I was allergic to latex, I was very disheartened as I had to throw out a bunch of my sex toys where I wasn't positive if they were silicone or not. Anal plugs weren't something I had replaced - yet. So I was really excited to have an opportunity to try out the Violet Ripple anal plug and I can tell you that I am not disappointed in the least. I can't wait to use it again and again. It is a sexy and a pleasure to use. I know it will get a lot of use.

*photos in the post are mine. To see better photos of the Violet Ripple Anal Plug please go to Eden Fantasys

A Service Book of Days

I have been wanting to participate in namaste's Book of Days. But have never had the time to sit down to do it. I decided to make a few minutes available to join in.

If you want to join in, I suggest you go to this entry that has it listed for easy cut and paste. And explains a little about it.

Outside my window... (weather, what do you hear, what do you see?) It is a Sunny, hot day

my thoughts... are preparing Master and myself to go out of town for work: making lists, gathering things and packing

Today's Quote... “Our thoughts create our reality -- where we put our focus is the direction we tend to go.” ~ Peter McWilliams

i am thankful for...for getting a good night sleep last night - after having several nights in a row where I couldn't sleep well.

From my service training... (any skills, training etc; notes you want to share this week) - this week will be about organization. Lists, keeping track of all Master's equipment, set up and take down.

From the kitchen... (menu for the week, what are you cooking?) Since we will be out of town this week - nothing on the menu except for tonight. Tonight we are having brats on the grill and baked beans

i am wearing... t-shirt and panties

i am creating... (crafts, sewing etc;) - Mail Love: I sent out thank you notes today for people who have been especially kind to me.

my adventures this week... (where are you going this week?) Denver

Becoming well read... (What are you reading this week?) Martha Stewart's Encyclopedia of Crafts: An A-to-Z Guide with Detailed Instructions and Endless Inspiration and Dragonfly Amber by Diana Gabaldon

i manifest and co-create... (what are your hopes, dreams, and prayers this week) I hope to have and help create a smooth week without a lot of bumps in the road

Todays Melody... (what music are you listening to? even if it's just the sound of a bird...) Master's voice on the phone - but was listening to U2

One of my favorite things... sending out mail love, finding the perfect birthday card for a dear friend, photos of my family

further plans for this week... Just keeping focused and organized for this busy week ahead of Master and I

Still....life (share a picture you've taken OR a picture you found online that speaks to you)
A photo I took on my trip...

Words....Part 1

I have been doing this meme with some friends where they give me 5 words that come to mind to describe me and then I write about the words.

So here are some of the words I have been given and my thoughts on them....

Beautiful - I know why she picked this word. But not sure I agree with her. :) I have many beautiful things in my life...living in such a beautiful place...Colorado is just breath taking, roses sitting here on my desk from Master that he got me just because, art, the rain, friends and family and love. Many more beautiful things in my life.

Captive - Master always says I am his willing captive. My first months with Master, I felt like a captive (willing) because my clothes were locked up, my id and so many things that say freedom were taken away. And many of those things are still in place. Yes nothing tangible is stopping me from walking out the door. But there are things inside that make it feel like I can't and that is all that matters to me.

Polyamorus - Poly is one of those things that has just always felt natural to me. As a little girl I drew floor plans for houses that had more then one bedroom for the "wives." I don't know where I got idea that a person could have more than one wife as I was never exposed to anything like it. I would dream up stories to go along with the floor plans - dream of stories of the people that lived there. And it was always good feelings of cooking together with other co-wives and laughing. Just lots of love and laughter in the house. So when I was exposed to poly within the BDSM community - I really didn't blink or think twice about it being right for me. Because I knew it was right for me. It has always been very easy for me to give love - unconditional love. I know what we seek is really hard to find. We live in a smaller town so finding that "special" someone that feels right and good in our life is really like finding a needle in a haystack. But it doesn't make me want to give up.

Vulnerable - Definition of vulnerable is susceptible to criticism, susceptible to physical or emotional injury. And I know my lifestyle does leave me susceptible to criticism. For the most part I ignore it. Every once in a while it bugs me though. And yes hurts my feelings. But since reading over my archives the last week - I can say without a doubt I am not as vulnerable as I once was. I just feel I don't expose myself as I once did because frankly I am not as screwed up as I once was....back then it was easier to hurt me since there were so many open wounds to poke.

Generous - I have a big heart that cares very easily about people, causes...life. So I tend to give a lot. Since being Master's though I know I hold more people at arms length and don't give as much of myself or my time. I give what I can and hope that everyone understands - it is the best I can do.


----------
These words were from Master...

DVDs - Master and I are both pretty obsessive about movies. We have over 500 DVD titles. When I work (coding websites, creating graphics or doing art), I need noise so even just listening to a movie is a good thing. It helps me move faster for some reason. Something I do though that Master doesn't do is - I get stuck on a movie or tv series. Such as recently Master bought me Sex and the City and I have been watching it OVER and OVER and OVER.

hip/chic/contemporary - Obviously he cheated giving me multiple words as one pick but he is Master so....I won't point that out to him. :) But I did have to ask Master what he meant by these words. Because I don't associate myself with them at all. He does though. So I get why he gave them to me - many things I like and enjoy fit those words. But I am such a weird person because I seem to like so many different styles - be it fashion, decorating and even when cooking. Because I like so many different styles - I think is why I don't feel the words fit me.

Just a few different kitchen designs I like...







I took a quiz about my decorating style and it said: Lean back and relax in a space that welcomes the modern but trades stainless steel for the natural. Your tastes include the Frank Lloyd Wright-inspired. Your sensitivity to materials and a natural setting meets with a contemporary bent in home styles like Mission, Prairie and Arts & Crafts. When making your cabinet selection, consider birch as a clean and modern wood species. Choose details like geometric forms, art glass, contrasting textures and lines, and forged and wrought iron pulls.

And really that does fit my most often picked decorating style.

I think I love many things that are hip, chic and/or contemporary but often I feel they don't fit into my life. I may look at a very chic dress but know living in the town we do there is no reason to have that dress. So my practical side wins out over my hip, chic or contemporary side.

February - February has many meanings for me. February is the month I first met Master, stayed with him a month and it also is the month he claimed me as his. It a month that has created so many good memories. My favorite of course I have written about many many times...when Master claimed me as his....

Master just pulled that chain out of his pocket and put it around my neck. He locked it in place. No words...he didn't ask me. He didn't tell me. He just claimed me. It was intense and wonderful. I still remember it so clearly and still feel all the feelings I did then.

*photo is from that month I stayed with Master and is the chain he placed around my neck to claim me. So the photo is over 6 years old.

dark thoughts - I really go up and down with my dark thoughts/dark desires. Sometimes I think about them all the time and other times I don't. I often have thoughts about blood but I am such a wimp with blood. I see pictures Bootpig's pictures on FetLife and drool and squirm but I know that even the smell of blood makes me light headed. Although I am isolated - I often think of it on other levels in my fantasies. Not let out of the house for longer times. I enjoy the thoughts of long term confinement in the closet or cage. There are other things but harder for me to explain here in words. But for the most part they often contain humiliation.

Blogging - I have been blogging for 9 years in October. I sometime don't share much and other times I share things I don't say out-loud but do in words on my blog. It just is what ever comes out. I also after this long of blogging don't share things I am surprised I don't. I don't share our SM/sex life as much as I thought I would. I don't share some of my really happy moments in slavery but mostly it is because it is the moment and by the time I sit down - I just can't capture it in words. But over all it does show my thoughts on a very wide range of topics and it is my place to hash those out.

Happy Easter!

It is that time of year to pimp a our BDSM Egg-stravaganza. A few years ago Master and I spent an evening making Easter eggs but with a BDSM theme. It was a lot of fun and I would love to do it again sometime.

March Questions: Sex

How do you define: bad sex? good sex? kinky sex? boring sex?

Bad sex well my first thought was sex when I am not in the mood but then of course that quickly fell through because I can think of many times Master has taken me and used me that I might not have fully liked it during but after and now I think of it and it turned me on that he just used me without regard to how I was feeling or what I wanted. So that doesn't count as bad sex to me. There are two times that just keep coming to mind from when I was an escort. And the first was with a client that sucked my toes for foreplay and I can't stand my feet even touched. The second was with a client that dirty and just smelled.

Good sex is kinky sex. So those two pretty much go hand and hand for me. Yesterday Master and I were talking about a specific time we played. There was lots of slapping, punching and other implements of torture. I was starting to zone out from the pain and he pulled me roughly from the bed where I was almost falling and scrambling to my feet. But he shoved me down to my knees and grabbed the latex hood and pulled it on me very roughly (latex not always easy to get on.) He stuffed me in the cage and then he laid on the bed and masturbated. It was one of my "scenes" with Master that is crystal clear in my memory. I didn't orgasm in that scenario - Master touched me - punching and slapping my pussy and I was sopping wet and so turned on by watching him that it was sex to me as it was very sexual in nature.

Boring sex is if it is the same thing over and over again. Like with often my ex-husband he just touch me the same way, have the sex the same way and end the same way. So that is boring sex to me. I don't feel sex without kink is boring - it can be nice at times but I do prefer kink with sex.


*** photo from that "scene" I described.


Please feel free to ask me a question or many!

Kinky Fun Away

Master and I had to go out of town for work last week but we had the wonderful opportunity to stay in a condo in the mountains. It was beautiful condo - just perfect in every way. We had a night of kinky fun. Master was sick the rest of the trip - so sick I was wanting to bring him to the ER. He is doing much better now. We are both glad we got in at least one night of fun because the bed was perfect for bondage fun. My first comment when I saw the bed was "damn, I didn't pack enough rope."

When we arrived at the condo we had to go out again to do a few errand but after we got back I unpacked the toys as we were pretty eager to play. We play here at home but playing someplace else - new - always makes it feel a little bit more exciting.























I laid out toys. When I am about to pack for a trip, I ask Master what he wants for toys and then he doesn't mind me throwing in extra stuff just in case. He always has a few specific things in mind but beyond that he just like to go with whatever is handy. I being a masochistic never pack things that are light or easy...no because that would be too obvious right? A couple things I packed were from the Kinky Christmas Stocking from FetLife: rope, vibrator, bullet and "the most comfortable blindfold in the world." I also packed 2 hoods one leather and then another that I don't like. I don't like it because I feel like a bank robber in it. But I thought maybe paired with the new blindfold though it would be good.

This is an older picture of me in the hood that makes me feel like a bank robber. It is made out of dacron spandex which almost feels like a scuba dive suit. It is that thick and tight. Actually so tight that creates lots of pressure against my face (which I will get to). Master did pair it with the blindfold and I did like the hood better that way of course.

Master has a set of cuffs and a posture color all the same style and colors from Fetish Temple for me. (They are the rolled edge cuffs in black and a dark purple and the modified posture collar with the ring - also in black and a dark purple.) They are pretty much a staple in our play. I put a silky nightie on as that is part of Master's fetishes. And then he put me in the cuffs and collar.

He played with me with the nightie on a bit but then pushed the nightie down and brought my arms up to tied them to the bed. I was hooded, blindfolded and restrained so I was pretty much a happy girl. He used a rubber flogger on me - especially on my breasts and pussy. It brought the masochist out in me fast. I know I was arching into the flogger as it hit. When I am feeling my masochistic side, I like the pain just for the pain. It hurts. It doesn't feel good. Because it hurts feeds my masochism. Sometimes it hurts and just hurts and finally it is almost that I don't feel it. But this time I felt it and wanted to feel it.

Slapping, punching, rough grabbing and squeezing, rubber flogger, hood, blindfold, restrains, clover clamps and many other fun things. Yes even though it hurt - it was fun for me. SM and sex - Master let his sadism out and I got to have my masochism fed - great bed to be restrained - just a wonderful evening. Both going to bed worn out and happy. So it was a very nice time away.


***top picture of the bed in the condo, middle picture - with purple circles - kinky christmas stocking from FetLife - the things with the circles are things I packed and brought with us and bottom picture of me in the hood as I state above

Home Corners

A friend of mine started a tradition on Tuesdays called Home Corners. I have been lapse on posting them. But I do so enjoy them so with the house being all decorated for Christmas I definitely wanted to do at least one!


Okay please ignore the crooked pictures. When I was hanging the garland I bumped them and didn't straighten them before taking the picture. The Santa in a Sleigh is a Jim Shore. Master and I both saw him at the same time. It was an after Christmas sale where we had already been to the cash register 2 times before seeing it. Soooo the clerk asked us if wanted to just stick around all day. :)


There are quite a few glass cupboards in Master's house and so I put garland inside on the shelves of each so you can see it. I have some with snowmen, nutcrackers, angels and santa's.


Bears under the Christmas tree. We have kitty cats that sit under the tree too and you will see their faces peeking out from between bears. It is so cute of course hard to catch a picture of it though.

Lower than the Cats

kaya had posted quite a while back about being told she is lower then the pet. I commented that I have been made to feel that, but shown it and she asked how. I am just getting around to answering her. I had this post mostly written, but forgot all about it. So here is now.....better late then never right.

Master has this thing that all cats like him. There is horse whisperers, dog whisperers and Master is a cat whisperer. We go to friends houses where they say "oh that cat never likes people" and sure enough in a couple hours (usually within 15 mins) that cat is in Master's lap and begging for his attention. Master has 2 cats. One of them was here when Master went through some really hard times so they have this really tight bond that where this cat often acts like a dog comes when Master calls, sits and waits for Master by the door and so on. So Master's cats are more then "pets." Some people have pets that are animals and some people have pets that are companions and family. Master and I happen to be the type that pet are part of our family. We have a friend that lives on a ranch and when she loses a cat -- she lost a mouser. She didn't lose a friend. It was just an animal on her ranch. Sure she enjoys them, but they are pets/animals. So Master's pets are family.

When I first became Master's, he would tell me that I was lower than the cats in this house. He said it often and I would kind of smile and nod. But I didn't think much more about it, but within a few months of being here I began to see the pattern of being shown that. I do believe a lot of it is mental, but he did through some actions show me that. It is really something he hasn't had to do over and over and over to make me keep believing it. But he does make me believe it through his actions and words.

I think the consistency is the thing. It is the words he uses over and over. The phrases put with the action of course help, but I think it is mostly a mental thing. It is very subtle actions put with the words. He doesn't do blatantly obvious things like...being made to piss in a litter box or consistently eat in a dog dish or anything like that.(Even though I am made to eat out of a dog dish at times.)

It is subtle...

• When I am put into the cage, the cats can get into the cage as the bars are wide enough for them to get through. But of course can walk right out again. So he often has said "see they are free to go where they want, but you are locked up."



• Sleeping in the cage - while the cats sleep all snuggled up to Master.



• They don't have collars (they are indoor cats only), but I have a collar with tag with my slave number because I am property. He re-enforces that I am property all the time with so much of our daily life so it does make me feel like I am less than the cats.



• The cats are independent (of course limited as they are indoor pets). They don't have to come when called. They can leave a room without telling him. They don't have to ask for permission to use the bathroom or eat. My life is much more controlled then the cats lives in Master's home.



• A very mental thing....Master will at times ask our cats if I can eat or go to the bathroom. You know how you speak to cats in a tone and they will meow and if you don't they won't. So of course he would use those tones to get the answer he wants. It is often a teasing thing...where it is meant to be playful, but it has been one of those things that makes me feel it none-the-less. But it has been done enough that it gives me feelings of the cats having a higher place in the hierarchy of Master's home.

The biggest one for me that is a constant....

The cats get different kind of attention than I do. I actually envy it at times. Master comes home from a hard day of meetings and doesn't want to interact with humans as he has had it with them. He will greet us all but he will sit in his chair and call the cats up to snuggle and talk with the cats, but the interaction with me is limited. Although of course I get his affection, it is different so it feels at times that the cats get more than I. Again he gives me affection it just is different so it makes me feel more like a slave then a pampered pet which his cats are very much pampered pets.

Of course Master spoils me at times too...like my birthday I was totally spoiled with whatever I wanted to do and given lots of special treats! The cats though are pampered. Spoiled and pampered are different. Both very good things and it is okay that I am spoiled, but not pampered. I know I am property. Many of these things he does give me a constant reminder that I am his property. And that is what I want to be in the big picture.

(photos of me -- the top one the bars aren't that far apart it is just the perspective of how the photo was taken. The day these pictures were taken was so incredible. It still stands out in my mind and makes me tingle when I think of it. Master and I had played hard. He was slapping my face lots - which is why it is so red. He just pulled the hood on me, stuck in me in the cage after beating and slapping me...I was stunned so I think that is why I have such an odd look on my face -- part floating and part what the fuck just happened. After taking the pictures, instead of using me...fucking me....he laid on the bed and masturbated. I watched him from the cage...it made me even more turned on. I was groaning and moaning - making very animalistic noises. I was an animal in a cage.)

The First Ornament on the Tree....

Last Monday I got the tree up but we didn't get to decorate it really until this past Saturday. I unpacked the ornaments on Monday. Master and I were watching CSI while I unwrapped...unpacking ornaments from mounds of tissue. I wasn't really paying attention as I did...but I finally looked down...the ornament I had in my hand is very special to me. Tears welled up....the emotions spilled through me and I began to sob. I let it all out...the ornament is my dog's ornament that we got for her 1st Christmas.

She died this last spring. I hadn't seen her for years as she was with my ex-husband but she still was in my heart.

So when Master and I decorated the tree on Saturday night we were just about to get started with ornaments and he handed me the ornament and said it should be the first one on the tree this year. More tears shed of course. But she was the first on the tree.

Here is what I wrote the night I found out she died....

May 3, 2007

When I was married and my husband and I bought a cute little house in March 1994. It was 80 plus years old at that time and needed some work. But we were looking forward to making it "ours." My husband was a pet person. He grew up with dogs. And so when we got a house, I told him I thought we should get a dog. Now at that time, I was not really a pet person. I liked animals...but much like children...I didn't know how to interact with them. I am also a girly girl...licking, drool and such grossed me out. And so I wasn't over joyed with the prospect of getting a dog but loved my husband and knew his really missed having a dog so I wanted him to have one. After living in our house for just a couple months, I woke up one Saturday morning and said, "Let's go to the humane society today." Jim turned 8 years old and bounced up and down. Yes he really did....that was kind of his thing (has a tigger tattoo).

We walked through the first part of this humane society...and it was all the puppies. We didn't see anything really. Then as you moved in further it had older dogs. The part with the puppies also was a part that had like little doors so they could go in and out...so part of the kennel was outside and part inside. I was looking but really I felt it was going to be up to Jim and really we thought we would just look because it was good time to discuss what kind of dog would be good for us. But over all I knew since he was the dog person he was going to have to find a dog that he liked. There were a few older ones he really liked but they were pretty big and he wasn't sure our yard was big enough for such big dogs. So we were heading out...going past the puppy cages again...some had been out when we walked in and as we walked past...

I stopped.

There were 4 puppies in this kennel and they were playing and having so much fun. I stopped. And Jim had kept walking he noticed I wasn't with him. He then turned back and saw me bent down and eye level with the puppies.

One of the workers came over to me right away. She said, "Would you like to see one?" I said, "YES!" I told her which one and Jim at this point is looking at me puzzled but happy. The worker brought the puppy out to me....and handed it to me. I pulled the puppy close to me holding her. The little pup was shaking in my arms but she did a big lick all across my face and I started to giggle. We played with her and held her some more. He said, "I think you found our dog."

We did....she came home with us! Because we had not been prepared to bring home a dog....we really had just thought we will go look to start getting an idea of what would work for our house and such. So we didn't have a collar and leash and she was so tiny so I held her and as soon as the car started moving she peed all over me. Again I remind you I am the girly girl who doesn't really like to get dirty. But here was this little puppy that had stolen my heart and so she was my baby. Jim dropped us off at home and he ran out and got food, leash, toys and all that stuff.

I thought we were going to get a dog for my husband and we came away with a dog for both of us. She captured my heart. My husband traveled quite a bit so she became a good friend for me. She was a great dog from the moment we got her....she caught on to going to the door right away when she needed out, she loved to play ball, she liked to snuggle She was very smart and we had people tell us that all the time how smart she was....she knew words before we taught them to her. She minded really well....she just was a good dog.

When we first got her we decided we weren't having her be on the bed with us to sleep. She could get on the bed but only if invited. And it worked. She would sit on the floor next to the bed and wouldn't come up until invited. As I said Jim traveled and at night I would crawl into bed with a book and she would lay on the floor next to the bed. She always laid on Jim's side so I couldn't really see her and I wanted her close since Jim wasn't there so invited her on the bed. And didn't kick her off. So soon that became a habit of Jim was out of town and I would tell her to get up on the bed. One time Jim came back from traveling and there she was sitting next to the bed at bedtime. And Jim was like lay down. She whined and paced a little bit. And he made a comment like what has got into her. And I kind of looked up and down and all around and he called me on it. And I confessed. He called her up on the bed and soon we had a puppy that laid at the foot of the bed.

There are so many stories I could write....I just loved her so much. She helped me through some dark times by making me get out of bed and making me take care of her. And am so thankful for for finding her and my heart just being captured by her. When I left my husband, it was really hard to leave her but I knew he would take good care of her, I knew how he loved her too....so I left her. I have a picture of her that hangs above my desk as there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of her.

I found out tonight from my ex-mother-in-law that my dog had to be put down. She had a brain tumor and causing her to have so many seizures she became totally unresponsive. She hasn't been in my life for many years but my heart aches as though it was just yesterday when I hugged her close and I will miss her.

Home Corners

3 photos of Halloween decorations around the house...

The table with a pumpkin basket and pumpkin table runner.

These little pumpkin bells are hung on silk cords and then tied around handles.

I have had several of these little tissue pumpkins for YEARS and YEARS! The little black cat was attached to some Halloween cookies a friend gave me many years ago.

Comfortable & Uncomfortable

And odd mix of things....in bullet points as nothing is connected

• We had dinner with friends last night. It was and odd mix of uncomfortable and comfortable. Master had made a video for one of the friends so it was like a thank you dinner from them. We weren't able to be a the party when the showed it as we were in Shreveport. But we watched the video last night with them and the friend got all teary watching it again. And he has watched it several times already but still affected by it. I know it makes Master feel good that his work touches people.
  
  We all watched the Rockies win so that was fun. And comfortable and relaxed. Appetizers and just hanging and talking was comfortable too. We had a really good wine - I only had a sip as migraines still lingering. But it had a grapefruit undertone that was very nice. Dinner then came and that is where I always feel uncomfortable. I feel uncomfortable eating in front of some people. Then plus add on top of this list we were having foods I have never eaten before so that always makes me nervous if what if I don't like it what do I do....we had buffalo steaks. I also broke a spoon. They had mashed potatoes that were very heavy. She had put 3 cheeses in it, chives fresh from her garden (not that chives weight a lot lol) and they just were very weighty spuds so when I went to scoop some on to my plate the spoon snapped. So I know I blushed a million shades red. But I survived.




• Well at Master's parents last week we watched the first disk from Planet Earth. And that was so amazing! I loved it. But really what was the cutest is when the birds came on to his parents big screen high definition tv and our sleeping male kitty cat immediately jumped from his slumber to go get them. He was reaching up touching the screen with his paw. He finally jumped up on the speaker next to the tv and sat on it reaching over to the tv to try to get the birds. We didn't get a picture because as soon as we would have moved he would have stopped. But it was SO cute!



• Going to get my hair cut this morning. I will be having probably about 4 to 5 inches taken off - it is a length Master really likes. Then tomorrow I will dye it black cherry.



• Talked to my parents yesterday to get plans more firm for what we are doing and staying. We are going to the art museum Thursday. Friday we will probably take a little day trip. And then the rest of the time will be for shopping. I know my Mom is buying me my present while here - and I am thinking I want new shoes - new mary janes to be exact. And there are DSW's in Denver so probably hit one of those.



• Made Chili and cornbread on Saturday. And then yesterday I made a pie to bring to our friends - chocolate buttermilk. So here are pictures....
  
  
  
  
  



• We have a film shoot this afternoon possibly this evening. I am feeling really out of today though so I hope I can snap out of it before then.



• I watched Alice in Wonderland 3 times this weekend. Daddy bought me it and several other little girl movies. I hadn't watched Alice in Wonderland though in probably 10 years and it one I really really like so it was fun to see again!

I think that is all the randomness I have in me at the moment at least.

Spiders!

On our way out of Colorado on the way to Shreveport we saw spiders. I don't mean tiny spiders...this is spiders that we saw from our moving car at 65-70 mph. So BIG HAIRY SPIDERS. We saw about 20 of them on the road in about a 50 mile stretch. On our way back Master took pictures. So yes....I am posting a picture of a big hairy spider.

It is a tarantula we found out it is their migration right now...didn't even know we have them in Colorado.

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Food!

I made kind of an Italian stew on last week....combined great northern beans, browned ground Italian sausage, diced tomatoes, basil, garlic, onions, green & yellow peppers, chicken stock and cooked in the crock for 6/7 hours about 30 minutes before serving I added some cooked elbow noodles. The sausages I use come from Sam's and they have so much flavor that they flavored it a lot. Topped with some grated parmesan cheese. And served with homemade French bread. It turned out pretty good. Master said it is a keeper.

Tony Ryan

I was over at Atlanta Bondage last night...I always enjoy the images he posts. He had one from Tony Ryan...and it brought me back years and years ago...1998 maybe 1999. I used to chat with Mr. Ryan - it is so funny because Master and I were just talking about him a few weeks ago when Master got a new palm....and yes Palm and Tony Ryan do connect for me but in a way that would take too long to explain - lol. Anyway, Tony Ryan and I were both on a B&W Erotic photo group. He enjoyed the images I shared and so we started emailing and then chatting via im. He used to have a website - Beauty-Reality but it has not been online for quite sometime. I wonder what happened to him. I see his photos from that time period on the web but nothing really past 2001.

(image by Tony Ryan - Nellie & Hannah - 1995)