End of 2013 and the start of 2014

Life Update in  bullet points...

* Destiny - In October, Master and I started seeing someone local.  Her name is Destiny.  Master and I are both head over heels for her...as she is fabulous!  We are over 3 months in now and still have some of the honeymoon phase going on, but we all have settled into a normalcy that is really good. We connect as to her individually, but also all together.  She serves Master and is his submissive.  She is my girlfriend. And together all 3 of us are a family. I will write more about her and how things are progressing at another time. But for now we are a family and we are all very happy.

* Tied Up - For the first time 10 years, I was touched by another man.  Master has been the only man to touch in me in the 10 years I have been with him. A local group started a Rope Bite. You get together and practice rope bondage. I have always loved rope bondage and it isn't something Master is overly fond of...he does it, but not his favorite type of bondage.  Anyway, a good friend was going and Master asked if he needed a rope bottom for it and lent me to our friend for the evening.  Now it was totally over the clothes practicing rope, but to have a man touch me even over the clothes in such an intimate way - well again first time in 10 years.  Let's just say I was nervous.  Yep me who has been with a few men in my time was nervous. Our friend was very kind and conscientious of my anxieties.  I really enjoyed myself.  He tied me in ways that made me hurt so good for days. I loved it and I am so very grateful to him for allowing me to be his bottom. I hope we are able do it again sometime.  He is an amazing man and I am so glad he moved to our community.

* Holidays - We were out of town for almost 3 weeks straight after Thanksgiving into December. So I didn't get the tree up until 8 days before Christmas. I didn't get any cards or packages mailed out this year. I didn't get to do many of my usual things like bake. But I will tell you Thanksgiving and Christmas were absolutely fabulous! Having Destiny being a part our holidays just made it so special. Our Thanksgiving and Christmas was just us 3.  It was lovely and fun. We watched Polar Express in the evening of Thanksgiving.  We did other traditions with her such as going around and looking at lights and decorating the tree together. We create great memories.  Our families are getting used to us talking about Destiny and her being here with us as part of our family. 

* Family - I haven't seen my bio family in over a year so missing them. My Grandma also died just before Christmas.  She was 97 years old and been ready for quite some time.  I have been detached from it mostly, but at odd times having it hit me. 

* Travel - We have had lots of little mini-trips around the state. We went to Boulder. Then right after Christmas we went to Denver. We did touristy things like going to the Denver Art Museum.  We had a large hotel room where we were able to enjoy a king size bed as we only have a queen at home.  Destiny and I dressed up slutty for Master.  Our night was hot and sexy - sex and SM late into the night - yums!

We did have a funny moment in Target though earlier as we didn't pack condoms or lube - yeah I know what is up with that? Anyway, I hadn't bought condoms in a while and neither had Destiny so here it is her and I going into buy condoms.  We standing looking at all the condoms and trying to decide which ones we should get. Finally we get a package, turn around, and there is a couple standing right behind us - waiting to look at condoms.  I am sure our conversation made them wonder what the heck is going on....2 women buying condoms like we never have....I am sure they thought we were 2 lesbians who picked up a man to try it out. lol  :)  Anyway thank goodness we got the condoms, because oh they were used. Destiny riding Master is such a hot sight. Oh yeah so sexy.  We are damn lucky to have such a sexy beautiful woman.  So grateful we met her. 

* Friends -  I know in September, I said we were more active in the local community.  Well we kind of dropped out of it again. One reason - we started seeing Destiny. When I say seeing her -  I mean we see each other everyday for the last 3 month except when Master and I have work/business out of town and she can't come with us.  We are living our dream life and it is hard to fit other things in. Really we haven't even seen the kinky friends we are close to that often either.  We are missing them and hope to get together with everyone soon. Unfortunately we are like that new couple that doesn't contact their friends when they are seeing someone new because they are so into each other...yeah we are all so into each other are kind of oblivious to others outside us. Often we see stuff posted online and go hmm must of have missed what that is about because it doesn't even make sense to us as we are so outside it all right now and so into each other. 

* Sharing - I did a little talk for a group of submissive on service. I remembered, although it makes me nervous, I do like sharing information and ideas. I am going to have that talk and some additional thoughts on service up on our website soon.

* Therapist - I came out to my therapist about BDSM.  Now she knows everything.  It helped her put things in perspective a little differently. A few things made more sense to her.  And as always she was fabulous when I came out to her about it. She gets it so well. She sees where I struggle and why and in a BDSM context.  She loves Destiny and thinks she is a positive force in my life as Destiny has made me see myself slightly differently. I was on this course last year of really allowing some of the parts of me that I turned of to come back out and play and Master has been great about it too, but Destiny being a woman has helped me understand parts of myself better by seeing myself through her eyes.  Not sure that is making sense, but I just know she has helped me and my therapist sees it too.

* Art & Photography - Both are playing huge part in my life. It is something I do with a good group of friends as well as Destiny too.  I know art and photography are going to continue to play a big part of my 2014.

Really I am just so grateful that 2013 was a year filled with ups and downs, but overall joy and love which makes it a truly beautiful year. I look forward to 2014 as I know it is going to be fabulous!

Hiding the Toys

I am cleaning house right now.  I have been reorganizing and purging things as I go...I started in the fall during my regular fall cleaning, but with some other priorities and my pain getting in the way I wasn't able to complete it. So I started it again now. I will go through Christmas things when I take them down to see what things were left in the boxes that I didn't put up, what things we weren't thrilled with that were up (thinking of 2 things in particular), and donate those too. I got rid of some Christmas stuff last year too and that really actually felt good this year when I was putting things out. It was more simple and that was nice.

But the main reason I am into a big cleaning thing right now though is my parents are going to visiting shortly after the new year.  My Mom is the type of Mom that can't sit still so if she sees something that needs to be cleaned she will clean it. She doesn't really white glove things, but I do know it goes through her head that she wonders why something isn't as clean as she would have it - I saw her do this at my sister's home. So I am kind of being obsessed about getting things in order so she won't have anything to do here. My Mom also is the type that she isn't really snoopy, but she likes to look at how people have things decorated and likes to just look around. She won't be opening drawers or anything, but walking into our bedroom just because she wants to see how it looks - since she hasn't been here in a while - isn't beyond her.

before parent proofing

In October, we got a new bed.  I  know she will want to see it.  Because we have described how tall our bed is now so she will be curious which means she will go into the bedroom - so today I am parent proofing the bedroom.

We have a hat rack with floggers, whips, crops and canes hanging off it. Now robes and coats are covering them all. Master has an armoire that has his clothing on one half and the other half is full of baskets and bins of kinky toys. I labeled all the bins and baskets this year so they have tags that say rope, restraints, chain, spanking implements and so on. When the doors are open, you can see all the little tags clearly. It will be closed, but just in case it is open or she does happen to open it, I am feeling the need to have some things moved/covered a little more. I  reorganized within the armoire to have clothing stacked in front of the baskets and bins so you can't see the labels and it is dark enough at the back of the armoire that you can't make out what is in the baskets.  

I have books and sex toys all around the room that will have to be put on lower less noticeable shelves or in drawers. For Christmas I got an 9 inch vibro realistic cock from Eden Fantasys and it is sitting on a dresser. Very pretty and very big - so unmissable (can't wait to play with it!).

before parent proofing

All this though is bothering me slightly because....I am an adult.  I have been adult for a long time now - as I am 45.  So my question within is why bother because this is who I am.....but at the same time I don't want to make my parents uncomfortable and if you walk into the bedroom although most of the things are not obvious - if you look long enough you will see it.  Especially all the sex toys. I have the njoy pure plug sitting on its box on a shelf just below eye level. The violet ripple glass butt plug, the Dukes (ben wall balls) and several books such as the Seductive Art of Japanese Bondage and the Beauty series are all out. We have fetish coffee table type picture books on a night stand.  So if you are standing in the room for more then just a moment or two you will start to notice these things. 

So is it a so what if they see or is it cover it up because they are your parents and out of respect for them....keep it hidden?  Do you hide things from family and friends - even if they know or just with those that don't know?  Or just keep it out and let the questions come out - if they dare to ask?  

Right now I am in the stage of cover it up - I don't want to make them uncomfortable. But as I said it is bothering me slightly that I can't just be me.

Meeting Family

I got a question from a comment a while back on how we were going to introduce teacup to Master's family when we were going to a family event last month.  

I lived within a poly family in Ohio. Now I lived with a man, a several female. My family never asked me about it, but they knew I was the man. They just never asked about everyone else. They just "assumed" they were roommates.  But I did always think they kind of wondered what was going on as it didn't quite make sense. My family just tends to deal with me as being on the outside and a free-spirit that doesn't do normal things. So they tend to not think about what is really going on. 

When teacup started visiting us, we told family about a friend visiting. They are now getting used to hearing her name every time we visit each other. We aren't really coming out to them, just trying to get them used to knowing she is here and part of our family. We have come out to two family members though about her, one on my side and one on Master's. So Master's sister knew who she was to us and and welcomed her. Master's sister is excited that we have found someone to be a part of our family.

I will say that I do think Master's Dad might ask eventually about her and what is going on. I am not sure that it will happen just a hunch.  We have discussed some options if that happens and one is just saying she is a part of our family. I am not sure how much will be asked, but the truth is she is a part of our family.

For now though Master's parents really like teacup and were happy to meet her.  

Peace

Okay so I have been bad...really bad this fall about posting. I was on such a good streak and now....I have fallen off into the abyss again.

Things have just been busy.....and I have been really tired by the end of the day so.....blog is one of those things I let go of fairly quickly when that happens unfortunately as I do like to write. I do write actually - I just don't always post.  Doesn't feel complete the thought I start when I write so I don't post it and always have good intentions of coming back and finishing them.

So somethings going on in bullet points...
* got a new bed...sleep is so much better!

* got a few other new pieces of furniture and so the house felt like we had just moved in there for a bit

* my pain - the sciatica well it is worse at the moment which is typical I guess for how we are treating it. See I have one leg longer then the other - by 1/2 inch so....throwing everything off. I have a temporary lift in my shoe that is small then a half inch because starting slowly. Well pushing things back is making me in more pain.  Such pain that my therapist was concerned too and my medical and mental health are all linked in through the same place so....she was wanting me to make another appointment. I have a follow up for the end of the month.

* therapy is going really well right now.  I really appreciate all the help my therapist has given me. I know I mentioned back at the beginning of the year - I changed therapist's and my new therapist I love! She is so great about everything. Even the poly.

* teacup is going to be arriving on Saturday. She will be meeting all of Master's family as we will be there for a family event through the weekend.

* We will head home to have Thanksgiving here.

* Going to see some friends after Thanksgiving - can't wait to see them as we haven't been able to get together with them since the beginning of summer.

*The other day when I was sitting waiting to go into my therapy appointment something happened with another patient and it bothered me a lot.  I barely made it back into my therapists office without starting to cry.  It just bothered me and hurt so....I told her about it and felt better as she understood what happened and I knew then she would handle it after there making sure the person was okay.  But it just really made me feel for the other person.  One of my favorite sayings is - "Be kind for everyone is fighting a battle."  I think it is so true. We never know people's stories or the battle they are fighting so it really bothers me when people are unkind and lack compassion towards others.

Two friends right now are in an argument that escalated so much that they ended the friendship. I can get we all have different views. I can get we all have a core belief that sometimes we can't see beyond and see it how others see it.  My parents go to a church that is doesn't believe in Gays/Lesbians. Their church believes marriage is between a woman and man and any other type of relationship is a sin.  They also voted for Romney and who is against Gays/Lesbians having equal rights.  My sister is a lesbian. I am bisexual, but not out to them. But my sister is out to them. And they are against her loving in my eyes. Now they would explain they are for her loving and getting married, they just don't "support" the church's view or Romney's but they support the church through donating money to it weekly. The supported Romney through voting for him. And that for me says - they don't want their daughter to fall in love and get married. It bothers me and it is hard for me to see beyond that. But...even though I don't understand it.....I don't stop loving my parent's.  I don't agree with them, but I don't disown them. What I can do is look at them and know we are all different. It is their choice - even if I don't get it  I  don't continue to harp on them, I don't  continue to argue - but look towards them with compassion and hope and pray they will see how supporting those against equality for everyone hurts so many amazing people in the world including my sister.

Words and actions can sometimes hurt people so deeply - we can't understand or see how it affects them.  Someone called me a murderer because I had an abortion - someone who is a friend. It was really hard for me to let the disagreement about it go and just continue the friendship, but I finally let it go and hope one day the compassion that this person shows towards so many others will shown towards me and know what that word does to me.

There are so many words and actions that to me speak so clearly for us and sometimes we don't realize at all what it means to others.  I am trying really hard to think before I speak and act - are my words kind? true and necessary? do my actions hurt people I care about? will this be kind towards them? help them?  So many things to consider, but helps me in the long run too feel better.

We all say and do things that can cut to the core of us, but hopefully we can see a broader picture of compassion and love.  Yeah I am a tree-hugging bleeding heart liberal if can't tell by these last paragraphs. Peace to everyone!

March Q&A - Several Questions

I have several questions:
What books are you reading? 

The Reunion (The Marketplace Series) by Laura Antoniou , Urban Pantry by Amy Pennington, Home Economics: Vintage Advice and Practical Science for the 21st-century Household by Jennifer McKnight-Trontz, Can I freeze it? : how to use the most versatile appliance in your kitchen  by Susie Theodorou and Fix, freeze, feast : the delicious, money-saving way to feed your family by Kati Neville and Lindsay Tkacsik

What is one website that you visit daily?  One? only one? :)  I visit Facebook, Pinterest, TinyBuddha, and FetLife daily. 

Will there be a hierarchy within your poly relationship?
Yes, Master at the head, but teacup and I are equal. I of course will know things she doesn't in this relationship because I have been here for 9 years but offering advice and being here to maybe help her, doesn't in my terms mean I am above her or alpha of her. We are both His. I won't be in charge of her. I won't be ordering her.  I am not alpha - thank goodness as it isn't a role I enjoy. 


Are you out to your family? Any vanilla friends? 
I am out to both of my sisters about the bdsm.  They both know I have been in poly relationships, but I know they don't believe Master and I are poly. But I did tell one of my sisters just very briefly about teacup when we were home for Christmas. But I think that she probably thought threesome and then cast it aside. 


I have some friends that are vanilla that know but they all met me through my blog or livejournal so they knew before I could out myself technically.  


My therapist knows about the poly but not about the M/s. 


Remember it is March Question Month. Ask any question and I will blog my answer. You can ask even ask anonymously. Just post your question(s) here in comments or via email. 

Fast

A list as my life is going all too fast these days.....

* We have lots of work and I am so thankful! Our business is going good. And that is very good. We are however very tired and stressed because of all the work.

* I am thinking of doing Eden Fantasy reviews :)

* Master is seeing someone kind of localish. He has known her for over a year. We have all 3 spent time together...but I am still in the getting to know her phase.

* We (as in all 3 of us) went and had a day trip on Sunday together. We packed a picnic and had it next to a waterfall up in the mountains. I made a pasta salad that I will be posting the easy recipe on domestic servitude next week.

* Last Friday was the year anniversary of my Uncle dying. And I did okay.

* Sunday will be a year since Kam died. I have processed a lot of anger and unresolved feelings with Kam in this last year and am thinking that I should do a little ritual or at least sit down and do something for me...for us to help let that go more formally.

* I downloaded photos from my camera the other day and found quite a few photos for recipes I need to post to domestic servitude.

To There and Back Again

I left at the end of July to visit my family. And arrived back home almost 3 weeks later and then we had to out of town for work right away. And rush back for work here at home too. So I was feelings as though I am not sure which way is up but finally this week feels a little bit more stable.

I went home as I had several family functions to attend. One was finally being able to get some closure for my Uncle's death. Still grieving of course but Master said he has noticed that I seem to be better then I was before I left. I see some of that but I almost feel like when is the other shoe going to drop.

This year has been really hard. And so there haven't been many blog posts. And I feel a little bad about that - only because the end of next month I will celebrate 10 years of writing this blog. Which send my brain into a WTF moment as really? Really I have written for 10 years in a public forum like this? For someone as shy as myself - it really does boggle my mind. Anyway - because I haven't had many blog posts this past year...I think about not blogging anymore (except on Domestic Servitude). But really truthfully I just don't think I can give it up. I like writing....purging feelings and thoughts here helps me be true to myself and gives me sometimes a perspective I don't get when it is rattling around in my head. So....at this moment still blogging - just hasn't been a lot this year and understandably so with all the stress I have had this year.

So I will just take the blogging thing as it comes to me...

While home, I got to see the Eat Pray Love movie which is one of my favorite books. It was a girls night out and it was very nice. Dinner, drinks and the movie. I really enjoyed the movie. I am one of these people that can take the movie for a movie that stands alone without the book. And vice versa a book doesn't need to match the movie. So I went in with an open mind but knew that they would never be able to capture the intensity of the book. And so knew I wanted to enjoy the movie just for itself. And I did!

Three of the people I went with hadn't read the book and two of them didn't like it as much as the rest of us that had read the book. One person was confused on like how Liz decided to do the trip in the first place and the transitions from each place - she didn't like either. The other didn't like it because she felt it was too spiritual and considers all things spiritual new agey so for her the movie was new agey. Myself and the other person that read the book - really liked the movie.

If you are wanting to see it and want it to be exactly like the book - don't see it. It will probably disappoint you. If you understand that they can't capture the intensity of the emotions book due to some of it is just not possible to do for the screen but also because of length of the movie would have been too long - then go see it. I think Julia Roberts was really good person to play Liz Gilbert. And I think they captures many wonderful moments of the book. Many of my favorites parts or quotes got in the movie.

Such as this one...this quote is from the section on Italy - Chapter 25 (Bead 25) page 75. Liz is talking about all the changes the Augusteum has went through. But I like what the message of the quote....

"It is merely this world that is chaotic, bringing changes to us all that nobody could have anticipated. The Augusteum warns me not get attached to any obsolete ideas about who I am, what I represent, whom I belong to, or what function I may once have intended to serve. Yesterday I might have been a glorious monument to somebody, true enough -- but tomorrow I could be a fireworks depository. Even in the Eternal City, says the silent Augusteum, one must always prepared for riotous and endless waves of transformation."

Entertainment Weekly had an article on Eat Pray Love the week it came out. And one thing I found out was Richard Jenkins who plays Richard at the Ashram talked to the real Richard before going to film and said it was the best 45 minute phone call he ever had. But he went on to say that he was sorry that Richard died before being able to see the movie. That made me sad to think that Richard is gone. He died of a heart attack.

And last but not least...OH MY Javiar Bardem....SO SEXY. He definitely made the movie better. And the one person that didn't like the new ageiness of the movie - even commented on the sexiness of Javiar.

I liked the movie. I would see it again. And I will want to have it when it comes out on DVD.

Getting By

I pretty much just getting by each day. Lots of tears and sadness. I have done things like reorganized my whole studio - going through every box and bin and if you had ever been in my studio you know this was a tedious job. But I just needed it. I needed something to just focus on instead of letting myself get to caught in feelings and thoughts.

While cleaning, I am watching old movies. I am having a problem watching current or more modern movies. The old movies seem to comfort me. Watched many times over: North by Northwest, To Catch a Thief, Breakfast at Tiffany's, Barefoot in the Park, Roman Holiday, Casablanca, Mrs. Miniver, Gigi, An American in Paris and a few other. I have them going almost always. I need the noise.

Master had to go to Austin for business several weeks ago. I am extremely envious that he had a chance to spend 2 evenings with a good friend. But I am glad that he such a nice time talking with a like minded person. We don't have a community here so most of our interaction with kinky people is online. So chatting in person with someone was very refreshing to him. And especially someone who really gets us. So I am happy that he had that chance and especially with this friend. He came home really refreshed in his conversations and I remember that feeling when I lived in Ohio. Especially when I lived with Bill and Angel. We always had good lifestyle talks.

As I said at the beginning...I am just trying to get by day by day. I have good moments. I have down moments.

Such as the other day a little thing sent me into tears. I was writing a card out to my Aunt and I opened my computer document with my addresses and it had my Uncle's name and my Aunt's....and I changed it to just my Aunt's name. And it was hard.

I also had another loss. My former Master died within 10 days of my Uncle and that has left me, of course, with a kind of roller coaster of emotions.

But some good things....I contacted someone who was involved with him and I - to let her know as I felt she would want to know. We hadn't talked in quite a while and it was good to catch up and really have a good heart to heart. And we both agreed that we are very thankful to him for introducing us and helping create the relationship between us. I feel the same about all my Ohio peeps too - if I hadn't been involved with him - I would have never met them.

Thank you to everyone who has commented, emailed, left messages, sent cards and just been reaching out to me....I appreciate it so much. I am very blessed to have so me many kind and caring people in my life.

My Uncle

Master was out of town last week. While he was, my Uncle went to hospice. So I started to resolve myself that I wouldn't see him again. And I didn't. The day after Master came home - my Uncle died. He was surrounded by almost my whole family. I am grateful that he was with family. I miss him so much.

So quiet - here and everywhere else.

Spinning

I have had a lot of inquires if everything is okay. And it is okay. I guess I mean I am dealing with things the best I can right now. I am dealing with a TON of family issues. I went to Minnesota to see my Uncle as his cancer is so aggressive. When I came back, I had to deal with some family drama from family in Minnesota. And then Master's Dad's cancer has changed - maybe for the worse. We still are quite clear on that. We also have 2 local friends dealing with cancer. One that really helped/pushed Master to start his business. And the other is a former coworker of Master's - who is giving up her fight with cancer. We also have a lot of work projects. So quite a lot going on that is making it much to busy for me to sit down and write here.

But a good thing I want to write about....

Master. He has been absolutely amazing. He is going through his own family health issues yet he has been a rock for me and my family issues. When I come back from my upcoming trip, he will leave on a business trip. So April we will have seen each other about 12 days. And I know that is hard on both of us. But I am really grateful to Master as looking around the house you can tell I haven't been here much. And he is very tolerant and understanding of the situation. I am so blessed to have someone that really supports me. I love you Master!

Life

I know I have a ton more questions to answer but it probably won't happen until April. And they will be scattered throughout April and possibly going to May...because...

One of my favorite Uncles has cancer. It diagnosed late (many reasons for this - not any of it his fault he was going to the doctors) and it spread all throughout his body. He doesn't have long. So I am going home because I want to see him before he goes. He is young and it is sad and scary.

Then when I get home I will be here for just under two weeks before I head to North Carolina to visit a good friend. I will be there a week...and finally home hopefully for a bit.

So since the news of my Uncle, I just have been busting my ass to get things in order to hopefully make Master's life easier while I am gone. He is wishing he could go with me but I understand completely why he can't. I will miss him bunches.

Listy Update

I have been really busy so I feel like I am out of touch with everything. By the time I do have a moment to sit here and do a post, my concentration sucks. So....you are getting a listy update....

* When Master's parents were here one time we watched Bank Job which was very sexual. And very embarrassing to watch in front of them. The last time we were in Denver, Master's parents had a NetFlix and asked us if we wanted to watch. I hadn't heard of it before. It was a movie with Hugh Jackman and Ewan McGregor - both of who we like. And it was just as bad. It was Deception. So now another movie to put on the list of never watch with your parents.

* It was my birthday Sunday. At midnight of the 18th - Master had a scavenger hunt. There were clues inside and outside the house. And it lead to several presents on the way to the end. It was fun! The ending gift was season 1 of True Blood.

* An obsession lately is porn. Yes porn. I have been surfing tumblrs - lots of them with porn I enjoy. I have been posting to mine also.

* We have a shelving unit that sits in the hall outside Master's office and when I decorated for Halloween I put 3 little plastic skeletons. Before Master's parents got here - Master kept moving the skeletons into lewd positions. Every time I went past for several days they were in another position. I kept worrying we would forget and leave them like that for his parents visit but luckily that wasn't the case.

* Thanks to Fleshbot for putting me in their weekly round up for my last post. I miss being an escort and really should write about some of my favorite moments before I forget them.

* I have been reading an old elist group on yahoo. It has been interesting and entertaining. A quote from one of the posts:

"...I think, that consent is part of the power rush to me. My reasoning is this: any buffoon with sufficient muscle power can force himself upon another person and "dom" him or her against their will. Getting the "victim" to come to you, open-eyed and wanting it... now that's doing it in style." J. Mikael Togneri

That is about it for now.

Home Again Home Again

Back but having problems on re-entry. Altitude is kicking my ass. So it might be a few days before I post or get it together enough to make a real post. But I am alive and had a great time with my family the last 2 weeks.

Lectured Not to Have Sex

Always Aroused Girl is having a contest that involves adding your story of how sex was taught in your family at Beyond the Birds and the Bees.

I grew up in a home that sexuality was often on the far ends of the scales. It was nothing for my Mom to walk around nude. And for my parents to very affectionate in front of us kids - kissing and groping in the kitchen wasn't uncommon. I of course giggled at it as a little girl. But growing up I now appreciate that they could be so open with their affection and sexual attraction in front of us.

But at the same time we were told that sex wasn't something we needed to know about until we were grown up. And they really didn't want to talk about it.

I am not sure when it happened but eventually I figured it out that my Mom and Dad had to get married because they got pregnant with me. And as soon as I became aware the lectures came to not do the same thing. I heard all about the things my Mom and Dad had to give up because they had sex. But still it wasn't talked about what sex was or how it worked. And it did create a message for me that sex was bad - forbidden because it made you give up things that sounded like they were better and good.

All the while though still my parents still were very open with their affection for each other so it made me want to have that but just not tell them. So I learned about sex on my own, from girly magazines my Dad had stuffed in the back of his closet and from friends.


***If you have been a reader of this blog for a while you know that I left out stuff. Because my first sexual acts were as a little girl - unfortunately. So I really learned about sex in a way that caused my views of sex to be all over the place from feeling bad and shame to feeling pleasure and the desire for more.

A New Man

Just a daily update of life. I haven't done one of these in a very long time. But in reading my archives I did this a lot back in the day....so will try to get back into it every so often....

* I always forget how much I like season 4 of Buffy. I am not a fan of Riley but I like the majority of episodes of season 4.

* I just tried HeadOn for the first time. They had little tubes at Dollar Tree. I have wanted to try it but well thought $8 something that might not work seemed too much. I know silly when I suffer so many migraines - anything should be worth it. But sometimes I am not logical lol :) So anyway I tried it tonight and it is working pretty good. Not taking the pain completely away but relieving it quite a bit. Edit: As soon as it wears off the pain is back so it just masks it - which I kind of figured. At least it gave some relief for a bit. I actually think for traveling when I don't always have access to an ice pack it would be a good substitute.

* I have had a migraine cycle that has lasted over a week. Grrrr! (adding this link so I remember it...I found it tonight when doing that search for headon - http://www.migrainedaily.com/)

* Is there anything better then a purple sharpie? :)

* I am going out of town for 2 weeks in July to see my family. I have been making things slowly and putting them away in the freezer for quick meals for Master. Sloppy Joe Skillet, meatloaf, browned hamburger and something else I am not remembering at the moment. Tomorrow I will be making up some burgers, some enchiladas for dinner tomorrow and will freeze the rest in smaller batches for him and then grill some marinated chicken breasts so he can just thaw and warm up for pasta or salads. I have started an instructions list too. I will need to make sure I makeup another batch of breakfast burritos before I leave too. And maybe a couple loaves of bread.

* We have a friend coming to stay the first weekend in July. Master is going to a conference and on his way back will pick her up. I am really looking forward to being hostess! I am starting to make menus. I know for sure I will be making Creme Brulee French Toast - and this time I will take pictures so I can post on the domestic blog the process.

* I think I would like to make this for my Mom. My parents dine outside on their deck and entertain out there too so I think it would be a good gift for her.

* Trying to think of some small gift for my Dad and my sisters. I actually do have one for one of my sisters - a book and some little rubber stamps so she can make the clothes pin magnets I made at Christmas. She always says she is not creative and can't do things like that. I am going to show her that she can do them. (will unlock that entry for a bit)

* Currently Reading: Sacred Contracts: Awakening Your Divine Potential by Caroline Myss, The American Woman's Home by Catherine Beecher, The Flavor Bible: The Essential Guide to Culinary Creativity, Based on the Wisdom of America's Most Imaginative Chefs by Karen Page, Kitty and the Dead Man's Hand (Kitty Norville, Book 5) by Carrie Vaughn and A Homemade Life: Stories and Recipes from My Kitchen Table by Molly Wizenberg (Her blog is Orangette)

* So far this year I have read 80 books. I will maybe do a list of them soon. I did put a review up of one at domestic blog yesterday.

* Another reminder - I have mail love to go out.

* Added this to my daily reads - http://www.thelostprincess.com/

* Coldplay is offering free download of several songs - http://www.coldplay.com/



** A New Man is the title of the Buffy episode I was watching while writing this entry.

I am here...

Just thought I would do a little update since I have been quiet lately....

Master and I have had colds. So been trying to nurse us back to health. Because I am sick I am extremely tired so not much energy for much besides work and stuff around the house.

We have a family member has been having serious health problems and rough time so we have been doing lots of phone calls, waiting and figuring out what is going on there. And will probably be spending a lot of time in Denver in December.

I dyed my hair - it was suppose to be purple but didn't come out that way. I mean if you pull a few strands out - they look purple but all together they look more dark...maybe more a red plum. But I will try it again - I am sure.

Master and I hope to get away over night next week to the same place we went November 2003. I am really looking forward to it. Not only is it incredibly beautiful - we had just a lot of fun last time and I know we will this time too.

November 2002 Master wrote me for the first time. So I have been kind of being nostalgic and remembering that recently. Very good memories.

Really not much else I can think of to write about - at least at this moment. I just don't have the energy. My cold making me extremely tired. I hope to get some energy to do a post of substance soon.

Movie Night with the Parents

I have been pretty busy so lack of posting. I have about 4 posts started but just not finished because I haven't had the time or brain power when I do have the time. Master's parents were here for Labor Day so was busy being hostess.

Last night we decided to watch a movie. Oh it was the WRONG movie to be watching with Master's parents. Oh my! The first 2 minutes of it were pretty umm graphic and I had to wonder if we were watching X-rated movie. It is of 3 people (2 girls and 1 guy) kind of playing in the water. One girl is topless and the other had a bikini. It shows some grabbing and groping in the water. It then moves inside to a bed. And you see a man come to the window to take pictures...what is going on in the bed is reflecting off the window. It is OBVIOUS that one girl is going down on the other girl. I mean very obvious. Right after that scene is done and moving to the next....Master's Dad pipes up and said "well this is starting off slow."

The first 30 minutes involve a strip club so pasties and panties seemed to be the theme there. Then a brothel where all the girls were naked....well they were wearing garter belts and stockings. And in the brothel a man goes off with 2 women and it is a SM scene (man in cuffs, collar with a woman that looks like a dominatrix). Oh then a man and woman at a dinner party go off and have sex where she gets all the way naked except for wearing her high heels and the man is full dressed just unzipping his pants and bends her over a table. They don't show much of what goes on after she is bent over the table but again more naked women. The movie was the Bank Job by the way for those wanting to see it. It wasn't a great movie...it wasn't a horrible movie but it was a movie if we had known what it was like we would have said no to watching it with parents. Master's parents didn't seem embarrassed by it. Master's Mom even fell asleep during it -- although it was during the second half when there weren't as many tit shots or even sex. I joked with Master that after you have seen 13 sets of tits that 14th just puts you to sleep.

So just a tip for all of you out there...don't watch The Bank Job with your parents.

Merry Christmas...(a day late)

Well I missed yesterdays post....but we were a little busy with Christmas!

Master and I were at his parents. It was a nice day but a full day of family coming in and out all day. We were up really early because well Santa came! And our cats couldn't wait to open their stockings. All in all it was a good Christmas. A nice time with family and Master.

We will be celebrating our Christmas on Saturday. Opening gifts and having our traditional dinner -- well mostly because we have had a lot of ham the last few days so thinking of doing a pork tenderloin in the place of the meat.

I was able to go shopping this morning. I love after Christmas shopping. The decorations, home decor and paper goods are things I enjoy buying after Christmas so Master took me out and spoiled me. Everything I wanted Master bought me! I am a very lucky girl. I got some little hand towels for the bathrooms, cards, tags, mailing labels, stickers, napkins, napkin rings....AND STOCKINGS! Master and I have been needing new ones. These are a wool - one red one green with our initials on them...very simple but Master and I like them!

After that we hit a few more places plus had breakfast at on of our favorite places over there. We also got a chance to go to World Market. They had 75% off all their Christmas items so I got a few ornaments really cheap.

We are now home. Master looked at the weather and realized tomorrow is suppose to get bad so we came home early. So it has been a long day with shopping and then 4 hours of traveling.

I am exhausted and we have to get up early tomorrow to run errands and get ready to celebrate our Christmas on Saturday.

I hope everyone had a VERY Merry Christmas....filled with happiness and love!

Update and Traditons

Well probably be quick post as I am out of town and not really a lot of free time.

We had a good day although very long. We are just ready to go to sleep for a few days. We went to bed at 12:30pm and got up at 5:30am. Then it has been a day of celebrating with family. Although very good.....very long.

We had a TON of food. Really I think I am going to suggest a change for next year -- that we all bring less. As really the food could feed all 13 of us for a week I am sure. But it was all great! The mint thins I made were the surprise hit....not that it was surprising really --- the surprise came when I told people how I made them.

Tomorrow we might go see The Golden Compass. yay! I have been wanting to see it so excited when Master suggested it!

There was a prompt that asked what holiday tradition means a lot to you and why...

I mentioned on Friday we went out looking at lights and that is one of my favorite holiday traditions with Master. Really Christmas Eve traditionally is my favorite time/tradition. We have a really nice dinner, wine, at times dance and then go out and look at lights. We come home and just enjoy the time with each other....knowing how blessed we are to be together enjoying this journey. So although we aren't going to be home tomorrow....I know I will look at him throughout the day tomorrow and still reflect, remember, and remind myself how truly blessed I am.

Just Life....

Doing an update of what is going here...

I talked with my Mom on the phone tonight. It was a long and good conversation. We hadn't talked in a couple of weeks so glad to be able too just chat. She told me I was on the ball this year as they got their present way early and card. I told her I really thought it was because the tree and decorations around the house were up earlier then usual. Most of the time things kind of fall all together...where I am rushing to decorate, shop, do cards and bake all within a short time frame of each other. But this time it was like one thing ended the next started and it wasn't a rush between. Last week was pretty busy but it still wasn't like years past. So I got cards out, did letters with a few of them, got shopping, baking and mailed out packages and this week really I haven't had much Christmas stuff to do. I actually have had a pretty laid back week - and thank goodness for that as I had 2 migraines.

So it has been a very pleasant Christmas season for me. I have been enjoying it thoroughly.

My Mom sounded really tired and that bothered me. It sounds like she really hasn't done her usual Christmas things. She hardly baked. Sounds like she didn't have as many parties this year either. And one she is having on Sunday doesn't sound like she is thrilled about it at all. And if you have read this blog for anytime you know my Mom is the reason I love Christmas. She just made it very magical and fun. So that has me a little concerned. I know some reasons for it but it still made me feel sad.

What else...

Tonight Master and I went out looking at lights! We got some starbucks, turned on XM Holly, sang and went looking at all the pretty lights. There is one neighborhood that really has great lights. They have a pond and the lights reflect on the pond.

We reflected on the last year a bit. It has been busy. I do remember though last year at this time he was just starting to use a cane after his knee injury. So I am glad his knee healed and is better! Another I am thankful for is that it has been great year for his business. It just keeps growing and I am VERY grateful for that! We got to go see my family this past summer and have a celebration that was incredible. One I know I will always remember and cherish. There are many more moments of course. But I should wrap this up...

Tomorrow is packing and just getting ready to leave on Sunday for Master's parents.