Warning a rant tonight...and it might be just because I am not feeling well. Okay, tonight's come on -- hit that level of one too many. I usually don't answer them. But on FetLife I do as I am greeter there and often the people that send me come on replies are people I have greeted. It happens less now that I changed my greeting making it very clear in the beginning I am just the one of the people from the welcome wagon. But it still happens. And so I usually politely reply to them saying I am just there to greet them and happily in a relationship. I also get those that friend me because I greet them. And I don't mind that but sometimes they are friending me to come on to me.
One reason I like FetLife as it has cut down on the HNG's for me. Whenever I signed on to Bondage.com - it was moments and I was getting a message asking to chat or having a rude come on. And on FetLife people can't see when you are online and it is meant to be more social networking than a hook-up place like bondage.com or collarme.com so it has been nice.
Anyway tonights email had so many problems and most message of that sort are similar...but I really want to know if it works for them? It must at some point or they wouldn't keep doing it right? It is sad that someone would reply to it. Makes me wonder about why they respond - what about it works for them.
So tonights said he read my profile on FetLife (which most of them say that)....
This is my profile:
So I have been trying to come up with a more personal about me blurb. As I say on my bio on our website I always hated standing up and introducing myself on the first day of class. And the same is true now. I never know what to say.
Just a few things.... I am wired for domestic service, to obey and be property. I am bisexual, masochistic and sexually submissive. I consider myself poly although Master and I aren't actively seeking outside relationships at this time.
I am a long time blogger - blogging about my life and thoughts/beliefs of the lifestyle. We have a website that is called within Reality because although we are a kinky Master/slave couple we believe in keeping our feet firmly planted in reality. It has our thoughts on the lifestyle as well as various resources and essays. I also have a group here on FetLife devoted to Domestic Servitude.
Things I like... coloring, breath play, slapping, reading, intelligence, collecting quotes, baking, Buddhism, green beans, purple, anything by Joss Whedon, being punched and kicked, Alice in Wonderland, Carbon Leaf, typography, Frida Kahlo, Paulo Coelho, autumn, summer rain, art history, hoods, fresh pineapple, cookbooks, Eat Pray Love, tea, thrift stores, simple pleasures, gratitude, domestic service, Breakfast at Tiffany's, free speech, icons and digital graphics, mail art, Asian food, progressive politics, museums, the word yes
I am.... a mixed media artist, passionate, serious, strong willed, emotional, open-minded, procrastinator, loyal, shy but outspoken and just a complex mix of things that shouldn't go together.
And last but certainly not least....I have been owned and in service to Michael for 5 years. I am very proud to His.
So this person took one thing I enjoy and pulled it out and asked about him and I doing that together. Of course this thing was a BDSM thing and of course they just skipped over the fact I am property. Now I get some people don't understand what that means. And they just think everyone is poly or in an open relationship or that they just don't care. But I guess if I was going to come on to someone who was in a relationship - I might scope out first if they able to see others or how it works for them and so on. Might become friends with that person and ask how they handle playing with others if that is what I was wanting. Anything other then hey baby want get together and do such and such.
An odd coincidence I just went to FetLife and there is a thread on a group about a man that did a test on doing polite introductory messages and the rude one liners that many of us say we don't like and the rude one liners got more responses. He felt it was because submissive women wanted a rough man and the polite message comes off effeminate. Do you think that is true? It isn't true for me. I really don't get it.
I just mentioned recently how it was an anniversary for Master and I - it was when he sent me his first message and I replied to him. The reason I replied to him is because he was so real, honest and that came off confident and strong to me. And that is what made me want to reply to him right away.
So the one-liners and lets get-it-on type emails just don't do it for me. They turn me off and annoy me.
"He felt it was because submissive women wanted a rough man and the polite message comes off effeminate. Do you think that is true?"
ReplyDeleteWell, I certainly don't agree with that. I mean, maybe for some women that's the reason, but I suspect that the idiots get more responses than the polite ones because the idiots are offensive, and the temptation to point out when someone is being moronic is just overwhelming. So much easier to be nasty to someone than to be nice...a sad comment.
Isn't strange that in a community of trust, respect, and honour that a simple greeting becomes a come-on?
ReplyDeleteWhile this situation isn't limited to just the fetish community, I always hoped our standards were just a bit higher.
I agree wholeheartedly with your spoken sentiments here. On the few sites I did go to, I was overwhelmed. Mostly people said they jumped at the chance because my profile was "real". And I thought why be anything but real? I'm sure there are reasons for anything, but to deny who you are, especially when seeking something is bad form. how do you ever hope to meet genuine people if you yourself aren't genuine. And the rude ones?... well it's irritating to say the least.
ReplyDeleteBy the way, I loved "Eat, Pray, Love"; the first week I had it I read it three times.
Be well,
Dominant Muse
I have many of the same "limits." My contacts from HNG's seem to come in waves. I'll go for periods of time without any at all, and then I'll get bombarded.
ReplyDeleteI don't understand the whole business. I always just figure it is my age. I assume most people are "well-brought-up," so to behave rudely seems to me to be a deliberate choice to break the social code.
I ususally greet strangers who "pop up" in my world with some level of caution, but also with some degree of hospitality. I am, these days, surprised when the other side of the conversation turns out to be polite and civilized. That is very, very rare.
I have gone through all kinds of theories and strategies about my response to the HNG's of the world, and have decided that it is better for my soul to remain polite and hospitable. I can make the choice to end a conversation very quickly if it comes to that, but I have a hard time being "closed" to all comers based on the fact that there are so many rude critters out there.
swan
Ugh I resonate with this so much, the amount of silly one liners I get on there and other sites is insane sometimes and completely ignorant. Those ones do not *read* what you write in a profile but gleam it for something to use as a starting point for a come on.
ReplyDeleteAs for the obnoxious man who deemed it wise to send a rough, rude message? ... they get dumped in delete and archive pretty damn fast. Lol I enjoy conversation, I don't enjoy dealing with HNG's x
I have a fetlife account that clearly states that I am a slave and that I am only there to make friends, however some men don't respect this and still send emails that are inapproriate hoping that someday they can be my Master. I just ignore them.
ReplyDeleteso i'm doing like HNG and picking out one part of your post to comment on. An insignificant part. I too remember the first time my husband/owner messaged me and i responded to it. While we dont celebrate it as an anniversary (we have our wedding anniversary for that) I do always remember it. Probably more so than I do our first date. In the world that we met in, that i was so involved in....the day of first communication was more important.
ReplyDelete