Saturday, February 07, 2009

Punishment - Again...

There are several punishment posts going on over at FetLife so going to do a few posts on the subject by paraphrasing the questions.

Do you use punishment in your relationship?

I know I have said several times Master doesn't do punishment in our relationship. For us punishment is for disobedience and I am not allowed to disobey. As his property I do what he tells me. If I am doing something he doesn't like or wants me to do something different, he tells me. If I keep messing up, he would sit me down and ask about what is going on, maybe help me find a solution to correct it and then give me a lecture. If he feels the need for a physical form of correction, it is my hair being pulled while being lectured or a slap or several across the face. But Master doesn't do punishment because he believes if he needs to actually punish me for disobedience then something has seriously has gone wrong in the fundamental structure of our dynamic. He believes if I disobey then there were problems coming long before that he/we missed so it really isn't a time for punishment but a time to talk and think about if we can fix the problems or is it time to step away from the relationship.

When we first were together, I think we both thought we wanted a punishment type relationship. In the stories the slave screws up and the Master punishes her and it is often hot. We got turned on reading them and thought that is what we wanted. But we of course knew that isn't really how punishment was in a relationship - it wasn't hot. It hurts me and bothers me to displease him. And he really didn't like to punish me. It annoyed him that he had to it. But we were still finding our away around the dynamic so I think punishment came from reactance to the dynamic too. I don't think just the slave reacts to the dynamic - I think the Master does too. It was reacting to who we were with each other in this dynamic. I think we fought against what we really were together. Because we were trying to be the fantasy instead of us naturally together. But then fairly quickly we realized it didn't work for us. It caused more disruption then peace. And after coming together - finding our balance is when we realized that punishment didn't work for us and why would we have a need for it when I am expected to obey.

I don't disobey because it doesn't make sense to me. I am a slave and property so it is either obey or hit the road to me. If I don't want to be a slave, then I shouldn't be in this relationship. That all said I don't always like what he wants me to do. I don't always do it gracefully. And even at times I ask why - just because I am curious. Such as if he were to come in here and say "go get shoes on." I would probably ask why - while I am getting up to head to get my shoes on because I am curious. And sometimes he will tell me and sometimes he won't. I am sometimes too curious. But it isn't that I am questioning his decision though I am sure some would say that I am. Anyway, I know my motivation and he understands it so that is all that matters. And really that as always is what this is about - doing what is right for your relationship. If punishment works for you, if you feel you need it and do better with then - then by all means GO FOR IT! It just doesn't work for us. And I am glad we figured that out early on.


  1. This post is wonderful. I couldn't have said it any better. I've never even thought about having to be punished for disobeying. I simply do what i'm told. Thanks for putting it in writing.


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