Sunday, September 30, 2012

You are the Only One

You know something I can't stand.....when people try to tell you what is best for you even when they are going by just some posts on the internet.  They read your blog or posts on FetLife and decide they know you better then you do yourself.  Even my close friends usually don't tell me what is best for me. They just remind me that I am the one with the answers for myself.  So not sure why people who are strangers from the internet feel they know someone completely just from reading a blog online...why they feel they know them better then that person knows themselves.

Here is an example I keep coming across on the blog-o-sphere....

"You shouldn't be pursuing poly." Sometimes it is just that or sometimes they offer up more...a because - such as if the persons issues/struggles that then they shouldn't be poly.  

I have in the almost 12 years of blogging and longer being in the community heard this for everything under the sun...

"You shouldn't be with him because if you are struggling it must not be meant to be."
"You shouldn't be with him because he is abusing you." 
"You shouldn't do poly because are jealous."
"You shouldn't do poly because you have doubts of his love for you."'
"You should break up with him if he isn't doing what you want." 
"You shouldn't do bdsm because you like pain too much so will put yourself in danger."

So on and so forth....of "You should or shouldn't..."

But what I say is - First if you are someone that offers up that "You should(n't)....",  please stop and realize "You should(n't)...." really doesn't help.  If you are someone that gets "You should(n't)..." from people just offering up their advice, PLEASE don't let someone on the internet who doesn't know you tell you what you should and shouldn't do or what is best for you. YOU are the only one that can know if poly is the right path for you. You are the only one that can tell if a relationship is abusive. You are the only one that can tell if person you are with is right for you.  

We all struggle and have doubts at times. It is looking at those and deciding why and how to work through it is the right thing to do.  And YOU are the only one who can do that....not any stranger or semi-stranger who comments on your blog.


  1. I have been off and on blogging and writing on forum for 12 years. I recognize how when I write something negative about my Owner or my situation, almost every time someone pops up stating I have to leave him. Like if everyone and everything have to be perfect to be worth having.

  2. i love the philosophy that everything has to feel perfect all the time or something is wrong. i can't imagine what kind of utopian dreamland those folks live in, it has to be chemically aided ;)...

    Overcoming those doubts and struggles that's where the really good stuff happens in my opinion, but we can't get there if we get the minute we have a doubt.

  3. I think we have to remember, too, that people are often really commenting on their own lives and situations as much or more than they are commenting on yours. They worry that they really are putting up with too much or are too jealous for poly or are really being abused or like pain so much that it will take over their lives.

    That doesn't help, of course, because it's still annoying and obnoxious when others, based on a tiny slice that you're sharing in a public forum.

    But I do think it's far more about them than it is about you.


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