Friday, August 31, 2012


“When she’s abandoned her moral center and teachings when she’s cast aside her facade of propriety and lady-like demeanor…when I have so corrupted this fragile thing and brought out a writhing, mewling, bucking, wanton whore for my enjoyment and pleasure…..enticing from within this feral lioness…growling and scratching and biting…taking everything I dish out to her… that moment she is never more beautiful to me. ” ~ De Sade

Isn't that just lovely? 

I love those moments where it is just the pleasure/pain and that is all that matters so I would do anything he says because I don't want it to stop. Not very many dominants or lovers have ever gotten me the total abandonment of thought of anything other than just keep doing what they tell you.  But I have had a few people and there are shining moments in my head that I replay a lot. Master is of course one of those people. Don, my ex-husband, and MS are the others. 

I have had a lot of great sex that comes close to there, but there is always this little pieces of myself I hang on to with some people. I can't totally let go. Also most of people I have been with won't push me there. To get to that level of surrender - abandonment as he calls it - I need that push. I need the force. The force gets me there and turns me on.  Letting go like that - becoming a wanton whore gives me something I need.

I am thankful for those moments when I have been pushed there. As I said they shine for me and I love replaying them over and over again. 

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