Tuesday, August 28, 2012

What If I got Pregnant?

When I was married, we were "suppose" to have kids.  That is what it felt like. But really I felt I wouldn't be a good mother. I have too many issues to take care of a child's well being.  I didn't want to damage him/her.  My husband although he was fantastic with kids...the idea of being a father scared him. But he felt we were "suppose" to have kids too.  I was married to him for 7 years and we didn't get pregnant and didn't use birth control.  When my ex-husband and I were trying to get pregnant and not having much luck - I went to the doctor after several examinations and tests she felt that I would have difficulties conceiving.

Since my ex-husband, I have had unprotected sex with long-term partners and didn't get pregnant.  Which I admit is risky.  But it is highly unlikely that I will get pregnant. Yes of course there is a very slim chance but again highly unlikely.

There of course have been times in my life, I wished for kids. But over all - mostly I don't feel they fit into my life as I just wouldn't be a good mother with the issues I already deal with daily in my life.  I wouldn't ever want to subject a child to that.

Master doesn't want kids either. He likes his life as it is and kids would disrupt that.  He likes having freedoms that he wouldn't have with kids.  He made a choice to not get involved with women who have kids or want kids because he doesn't.  It works that we are both compatible in not wanting kids.

But....let me pose this...what if....I got pregnant or teacup got pregnant?  Teacup and I are over 40 so likelihood of it is low.  The answer...Master has said that we would discuss it. He isn't going to do a blanket - get an abortion even though he doesn't want kids. We have discussed the what-ifs and he and I have similar views of what would happen, but we also believe once something is a reality - feelings and thoughts about it can change.  So discussion about - getting to the heart of it for us would happen if it were to ever happen.  I know that this issue teacup and I would have very different views of outcome and that is okay because we are 2 very different people.  But again Master would in this situation order us - this would be a family discussion and decision.

Just to note I do believe Master has the right to tell me what to do in this situation.  If he wanted me to have an abortion, have the baby and raise or give up for adoption, he could tell me what to do and I would obey.  He just happens to believe this is an area where there needs to be a lot of discussion and input to find the solution that works long term for everyone.

1 comment:

  1. Master doesn't want kids either, i've known that from our very first conversation. Like you, i'd submit to whatever He decided should i get pregnant but i must admit this could be a really tough one...


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