danae

Tonight my mom called….

She told me that a childhood friend….had died back in February. She did not find out until tonight. I was visibly affected by it. Master knew it was bad news right away.

Here is the odd thing about it –when I was here with Master in February, I thought of this childhood friend, as I knew he lived in Colorado. I wondered if he lived near Master. I thought about how when I moved here to be with Master that maybe he and I could contact this friend. He is a twin. I have not seen the twins in over 20 years. But they have always been a part of my thoughts and memories. They were a BIG part of my life.

When I was a 4 years old, my family moved to a small North Dakota town near the Canadian border. The twins lived across the street. They were my friends, protectors, secret tellers….they were first experiences - first kiss, first time playing doctor, first time for lots of things that shaped me. They are the reason I believe I still trust men. And I was only 4 when I met them and I moved away at 10. So how could they affect that? Well….it was the same time that bad things were happening to me. And I felt safe with these boys always. They were good friends…best friends up to that point. They were incredible to me. I trusted them. And at that young of age I knew the meaning of trust.

It shook me right away when my mom told me.

My mother told me that the other twin lives in Colorado now too. She was going to get me his address.

I miss him...I feel a loss...

How is that I miss someone that I have not seen for so long? Does that make sense? Someone explain it to me?