10 Years of Blogging

I have had my blog open all day rereading old entries. I remember clearly the night I set the blog up. I was living in Cleveland at the time. The main computer was in my Sir's bedroom. He was sleeping so I just had the light of the monitor shining. But I had been reading several blogs that evening. And I thought why not. I thought about how putting it all out there would keep me true to myself. And I admit it - it was a hope for some validation....that I wasn't the only one out there feeling the things I felt, thinking the thoughts I did and just struggling with where to be going in this life.

My life wasn't in a place I liked. My primary relationship was tearing me apart. The only thing I was enjoying was my work as an escort. My life was in a place of transition. So what was the perfect way to figure things out? Writing was the answer for me. And so I started this blog 10 years ago.

It has been a quite a journey - struggles, being neurotic, many different relationships, searching for someone who could enslave me, sharing things I shouldn't have, sharing in anger, joy, sadness and every emotion under the sun. I have exposed myself through my words and some pictures too.

I am glad I have kept it around this long. I hope to continue to blog for a very long time. I am thankful that I have met many people face to face as well as online because of this blog. I am thankful for everyone that reads, sends emails, comments and such. Thank you for sticking with me all this time!

And I am going to end with my traditional piece from The Velveteen Rabbit:

"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you..."

"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.

"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful.

"When you are Real, you don't mind being hurt...It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't often happen to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."

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The drawing ends Nov. 1st

Good Luck!

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I had someone tell me that I shouldn't have posted a certain photo because it is dangerous.

I post photos that turn me on, interest me, set my fantasies on fire (pun intended - look at photo), shock me, disturb me.....basically anything that catches my eye might end up on my tumblr. I think many things I post could be considered dangerous. I think many things I do are dangerous. But I think we are all adults so we can use our common sense on what to do or not to do.

I don't want to be the person that says what you are doing is wrong or dangerous. We all know the risks of playing. We all have to find our own lines. Also just because I fantasize about it or think something is hot doesn't mean I do it.

The photo in question turns me on. It hits buttons that say this is dangerous. And danger creates fear that turns me on. Some things that are dangerous and scare me - I do and others I don't. But even if I never have that thing done - it still turns me on. And so I post it. I won't stop posting what catches my eye.