A couple weeks ago when Master was out of town (he is out of town again this week which made me think of this) a good friend gave me a call to chat. And she recalled I don't have a car (gave it away to a neighbor in need). Master has a car that he takes when he goes out of town. So when he leaves there is no car here. He is gone often a week at time so I am completely alone for a week. She asked if I leave the house while he is out of town and frankly it is a rarity. I get the mail and take out the garbage.
Closet isolation is completely different headspace and at the same time similar. I sit here knowing I haven't talked to anyone but Master, I have went outside 2 times to get mail and once to bring out the garbage. And here alone. It does bring the reality that I am owned home (pun intended).
Yes in reality I could walk out this door and keep walking but on the other hand I can't. I think there is a difference -- fine line difference at times --- between being "able" to leave and "believing" you are able to leave. I also think there is a fine line between can do and will do.
Several years ago babalon gave an example that stuck in my head and summed it up for me.....
"A. Can I throw a puppy into speeding traffic? no.
B. Can I leave my owner [without his permission]? no."
It is the same for me. Is there some extreme circumstance where I could be able to do A or B? Yes...I am sure there is something out there that might make me believe I can do so. I am sure I have the ability but I don't think until I believe leaving is the last option in an extreme situation that I would actually be able to leave.
For me Him owning me equals I can't leave. I don't believe I can, I don't think I can, plus I don't want to leave. And just as I can't throw a puppy into traffic - I can't leave my owner. It goes against what I am emotionally/mentally conditioned to do - so I don't ponder or worry about leaving and I am glad it is that way.
And so this week at home alone without Master -- isolated without being locked up. A subtle reminder that I am owned. And of course in that odd way that it happens makes me feel good and loved.