My Tumblr

Just a FYI...I have been trying to post random adult photos I find/enjoy on my tumblr again and I hope to keep that a daily to at least several times a week thing.

Nathon Fillon

very amusing Nathan Fillon...

Service Book of Days

I wrote this yesterday morning but forgot to post....so posting now.

* Outside my window...it is fairly sunny today after raining so much yesterday

* my thoughts...are on the tasks ahead of me today

* Today's Quote..."Excellence is an art won by training and habituation. We do not act rightly because we have virtue or excellence, but we rather have those because we have acted rightly. We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act but a habit." - Aristotle, Philosopher

* i am thankful for...the library. I have checked out a lot of books on making bath products as it is what I would like to make for gifts this holiday season.

* From my service training... making excellence a habit.

* From the kitchen... I have put this weeks menu up at Domestic Servitude.

* i am wearing...Jean skirt and red-t-shirt

* i am creating...some work related stuff for Master

* my adventures this week... we are at home this week and I am thankful for that as we will be going out of town soon for a week or longer.

* Becoming well read... books on making bath products and also a Christmas craft book

* i manifest and co-create... excellence and how do I apply that in my service to Master.

* Today's Melody... Melissa Etheridge's SKIN

* One of my favorite things... water - I drink it all day long. It feels refreshing after scrubbing the floor and cleaning the bathroom.

* further plans for this week... cleaning and getting ready for when we go out of town. And keeping in my thoughts - excellence.

* Still....life
a picture I took while in Minnesota...

Compatibility

Sometimes Master and I have what we call Sunday Conversations. We discuss a question, topic or essay we found on the web. A few Sunday's ago Master asked...

Which I thought was better - similar lifestyle tastes or a similar foundation in a relationship sense?

And it was an easy answer for me. I feel having similar foundation in relationship is better then having similar lifestyle tastes. Without compatibility in relationship especially those things that are at the foundation of a relationship then we most likely wouldn't achieve a M/s dynamic. I am not saying it doesn't matter if we weren't compatible with kink and the dynamic we seek, but if given choice between the two options, I would have to say that a relationship foundation is more important and would affect our overall compatibility and the longevity of the relationship.

If the person wants to be a slave, that isn't enough of a reason for us to pursue someone. Compatibility goes beyond the M/s dynamic. Determining if we're compatible, how would they mesh in our daily lives? What are their values? Are they open minded? How do they handle crisis? Is honesty important to them? Are they dependable? Do they show respect to strangers as well as family and friends? Do they treat people fairly? Do they keep their promises? What to think the word faithful means? How do they communicate? How do they handle and express anger? Are they are good listener? Basically what are their beliefs, the things they live by? And do our personalities mesh?

When I lived in a poly household, I know that just being kinky and having a desire to be a slave wasn't enough to make you compatible with each other. Some of the girls we had in our household had a deep desire to be a slave, but that fact alone didn't guarantee that we were compatible. Sometimes there was a conflict of values or a breakdown of communication which you need a strong foundation in order to have a solid relationship. Merely having the same kink doesn't mean the relationship can last. It needs more.

Just sharing...

2 great videos on equality....for marriage.

August Roundup

What’s been happening with the Domestic Servitude blog this past month? Here's a quick snapshot of our August posts.

Recipes:
Maple Cinnamon Oat Bread - This bread has amazing flavor. As it bakes the smell just floats throughout the house making everyone anxious for it to get out of the oven.

Creme Brulee French Toast - This is a great recipe when you want to make something just a little more special and different for breakfast/brunch. I often make this for holidays, birthdays and other celebrations. I have made it several time when I have hosted brunch. Served with some fresh fruit, sausage and mimosas.

Banana Layer Cake with Chocolate Frosting - I get in a rut of making just banana bread or banana muffins when I have banana that need to be used up. This recipe was a nice change. It was very moist and the flavor of it mixed with the chocolate frosting made it just delicious.

Links:
Feast on the Cheap - Jouet shares a great link for a blog about eating quality food but on the cheap. Great recipes and pictures.

Friday Favorites - 4 Friday Favorites for August - I have links for everything recipes, crafts, decorating, cleaning and just things to help your service.

Houseworks Holiday Plan - yes in August - I have been to this site that Jouet shared quite a bit. It is a good resource for getting geared up for the holidays.


Book Reviews:
Martha Stewart's Cooking School - I was truly surprised how much I liked this book. It has great step by step instructions as well as photos to go with it. Really good resource.

The Gourmet Slow-Cooker - Want to take use your slow cooker but take it out of the traditional recipes you find? Then this is the book you want to check out.

Special Interest/Assorted/Random posts:
A Service Book of Days - This idea is a great way to assess where your service is at and going as well as give you focus.

Denture Tablets for Cleaning a Crystal Vase - I worked. And I have pictures on this post to prove it.

Menu - This week and Next - 2 weeks worth of menus

Powdered Buttermilk - a review of a product I have in my kitchen always.

Follow Up

I had some questions from the last post. So I am answering them here....

Did you have aftercare? Did he follow up with you at all to make sure you were ok?

I am not big on aftercare - at anytime (for me of course I am not saying in general with everyone - just saying I don't desire aftercare - even with Master.) If he would have given me aftercare, it would have ruined the experience for me also. Him basically kicking me out and being done with me - that made me hot.

The first few times we played he didn't check on me. But then he started calling me more often as we developed a relationship. Often it was right after play and several times during the days after. The time I describe in that post, he had me call him as soon as I was home. He called me before I went to bed that night and also the next day. He often said cruel and humiliating things during those conversation on the phone  - it really was a good mind-fuck for me. I can see now looking back he was checking on me with those calls. But just because he was checking on me didn't change how we interacted with each other because that was our dynamic. 

How does the experience seem a few days after it is over, when you look back and remember it? If it makes you feel good, and want more of it, then it probably WAS good. If it doesn't, then it wasn't.

A few days after, I felt good and couldn't wait to see him again. I had a drop from the endorphins so I got weepy and felt extremely tired. But I felt good about the experience - no regrets. Now when I look at it, I wish I would have played with him more often then I did. 

Out of all my times with him, only one time did it feel really bad during and after. Not only did I feel bad, but I felt angry and annoyed, but at myself. It was my own fault for putting myself in the situation I did. I knew it what going to happen so I shouldn't have went to him when he asked. He didn't change who he was and he didn't do anything he didn't say he was going to - It was me that wasn't being realistic. 

You report this dream, but you don't assess the experience here. It made you hot, but you also seemed to be deeply emotionally hurt by it. How do you feel about it now, as you look back? Are you really sure?

During it, I hurt. I was emotionally, mentally and physically a mess. Sometimes crying hysterically where snot was dripping because I was crying so hard. There were often times during it, I didn't think I was going to make it out on the other side okay. I thought he is going to break me to the point of not being fixable. I hated him - all the while he did the things he did to me. And at the same time, I was wet and turned on. And a piece inside of me screaming "yes yes yes...keep pushing....keep hurting me. Thank you thank you!" 

Each time we played it was like this. I felt I was going to be beyond repair and each time I walked way turned on and had orgasm upon orgasm thinking about our time together.

As I stated above, now I look back on it and wish I would have been with him more. I wonder where it would have went. I wonder if I could have done all the things he wanted to do. 

Your question of are you really sure....I understand and I am going to I think get into it more below. I really craved a man to take me to the darkness so we were compatible in our desires. We pushed things to points where some would say it was unhealthy. But it worked for us. I am not sure it would have worked long term for us though. I am not sure I wouldn't have broke or was maybe breaking a little each time. I can't say for sure though. 

Why did your relationship end?

Our relationship started out just as play. We met, we played hard and then left each other to go about our lives not knowing a lot about each others lives. Then it hit a point where - he asked me to coffee. And from there we started doing other things besides playing. We went to lunch, shopping, movies, on walks and all the time talking and getting to know each other. He still treated me as me. He would slap me when we were alone and call me names and then go have lunch. We still played and played just as hard. But we were getting to know each other more fully as people. He knew I wanted to be in 24/7 M/s relationship. Eventually I decided it was time to ask him where he saw our relationship going. He was happy with how things were and didn't want to have more at least at that time or if ever. There was no promise or time-line for anything more - ever. I was getting too invested so I decided we had to stop as I needed to pursue a long term relationship as that is really what I had been wanting since the first day of actively entering the lifestyle. I also had other concerns, one of which I will address below in another question. He understood and let me go. 

I know that you only played with this person occasionally but do you think you could have maintained that kind of relationship 24/7?

He and I often discussed that living the way we played. What would be the long term effects. We played the speculation game quite a lot, but didn't of course have any definitive answers. I will say something that I think the Sir that asked the "are you sure" question was getting at....and that is I started to get too scared. He and I talked about that a lot. He saw it developing. I would get scared about walking into the house. Once there in the play - fear was still there, but it changed. The fear before I walked into the door - didn't turn me on really. The fear after I walked in the door and we started playing - turned me on. What was the difference? The moment. Once in the moment I could only live in that moment with him so I didn't panic myself with the million what-ifs as I did outside the door. My focus couldn't go outside the moment during the play. Before walking in - I let myself get in a panic and often let myself get so ramped up and overwhelmed with it.

I also will say that the fear started after we started having a relationship outside of play. I often wonder if it was my feelings for him and his interaction with me during our non-play that messed with my mind. I wasn't just his it - I became more then that? I am speculating. I don't know for sure.

I am sure some will now read this last answer and go - ah ha see it was a bad experience. They might think I shouldn't have played like that. But I want to again stress...I would do it all over again. I think of it often and wish I would have been with him longer. I really truly mean it. My time with him turned me on. Dripping wet....often soaking whatever I was sitting on because he turned me on so much. So just because there was some developments that weren't great side-effects doesn't mean I wouldn't want it. I wanted it. I want it. And I am wet thinking about even now. 

Do you play like that with your Master?

Master and I play hard, but it never feels like it did then. Because Master and I have a different dynamic and that dynamic connects in a way that I don't feel would ever make even the exact same play feel like it did then. For me that isn't a bad thing. One isn't better then the other. They are just different than each other. I am glad to have experienced both. I am glad to keep on exploring with Master. Because he is a sadist and we do play hard and he does have a sadistic beast that likes to use me in ways that touch on similar elements with the sadist in that post.