I have a pumpkin cheesecake in the oven. I found a tip that you won't have a cracked cheesecake if you put a couple teaspoons of cornstarch in it. So that is what I did (and so for it looks like it is working). I usually do the normal water bath for it - which is also suppose to prevent cracking but I found that doesn't always work. So anyway I am talking on the phone with Master and all of sudden I realize the house is filling up with smoke....I look in cheesecake is fine but there was a little leaking that spill was burning something terrible. I have all the windows open...and exhaust fan going too. I haven't "noticed" my pan leak when it was in the bath.
So see I am not a perfect baker...for those of you that always tell me I am...:) I do make silly mistakes I mean it is a cheesecake pan obviously how the thing fits together and all the years I have had it...it can't be perfectly sealed still so why I didn't put at least a pan under it....I am not sure. But there is one there now...of course as I am waving black smoke towards the open windows!
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Monday, October 29, 2007
Positive Monday
5 Good Things in my Life...
1. My friend Carolynn....I have been remiss in thanking her for the GREAT birthday cards she sent me...2 of them! Both of them were great...thank you!
2. My friend Jessica...for calling me and making me smile.
3. Sharing a bowl of vanilla bean ice cream with Master at lunch today.
4. The Quiet Man - and the way he grabs and kisses her
5. Princess stickers!
1. My friend Carolynn....I have been remiss in thanking her for the GREAT birthday cards she sent me...2 of them! Both of them were great...thank you!
2. My friend Jessica...for calling me and making me smile.
3. Sharing a bowl of vanilla bean ice cream with Master at lunch today.
4. The Quiet Man - and the way he grabs and kisses her
5. Princess stickers!
Attention Artists: 2nd Annual Southwest Leather Art Exhibition
I participated in this last year...I don't think I am going to be able to participate this year though....:( But wanted to pass it on....
2nd Annual Southwest Leather Art Exhibition
SEEKING ARTISTS AND ARTWORK NOW!
This year, any artist can submit an artwork for consideration into the exhibition, no matter your location. We encourage artists to submit works that they feel called to share. Submission Guidelines appear below.
The artwork does not have to be kink-related or erotic in nature, though those subjects are welcome. SWLC is about heart and spirit and we want to showcase the artistic expressions of that in its many forms.
The deadline for submission is November 15, 2007. A pre-selected panel will review all artwork, and selected pieces will be displayed as part of the Southwest Leather Conference 2008.
Questions about submissions or guidelines can be sent to leatherartists@hotmail.com.
The link below will take you to the page with all of the information.
http://www.southwestleather.org/swlchome/index.php?categoryid=56&p2_articleid=35
2nd Annual Southwest Leather Art Exhibition
SEEKING ARTISTS AND ARTWORK NOW!
This year, any artist can submit an artwork for consideration into the exhibition, no matter your location. We encourage artists to submit works that they feel called to share. Submission Guidelines appear below.
The artwork does not have to be kink-related or erotic in nature, though those subjects are welcome. SWLC is about heart and spirit and we want to showcase the artistic expressions of that in its many forms.
The deadline for submission is November 15, 2007. A pre-selected panel will review all artwork, and selected pieces will be displayed as part of the Southwest Leather Conference 2008.
Questions about submissions or guidelines can be sent to leatherartists@hotmail.com.
The link below will take you to the page with all of the information.
http://www.southwestleather.org/swlchome/index.php?categoryid=56&p2_articleid=35
Saturday, October 27, 2007
7 Years of Blogging
It has been 7 years of blogging. I always like to remember it because it marked a very significant turning point in my life. It is strange how clearly I remember that time in my life....7 years ago. But I am thankful for starting to blog as I do feel it has helped me so much on my journey.
Every year I look back over the last year and I a came across a post about blogging.
From December 30th 2006: "October did mark my 6 year anniversary of blogging. And so I did my traditional quote for the entry from the Velveteen Rabbit about being real. For me blogging is about being real. It helps me stay on course and be true to myself....as my life is there in the print before my eyes. I have been told a many times my blog isn't a "true sex slave" blog because I don't write about sex or SM that much and well....then I guess I am not a "true" sex slave. But I am a slave in a Master/slave relationship and this is my real life....boring as it might seem to many out there. I am thankful it is my life.
Recently I had something happen that upset and shocked me. And after I read that quote again it made me thankful all over again for being real. My life isn't all roses and sunshine. It does have really spectacular times that just don't always write. As a friend said we tend to write when things rough and when things are going good we are offline having fun. But the last line is what really spoke to me today..."once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."
I don't expect everyone to understand my relationship with Master. But I am thankful to those that accept it. And even a bigger thing...those that accept I know what is best for me and no one else can really know that...that is being real."
And so that sums it up for me fairly well...blogging for me is about being real. Keeping things real for me. And so to keep on with tradition...
From The Velveteen Rabbit:
"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you..."
"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.
"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful.
"When you are Real, you don't mind being hurt...It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't often happen to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."
Thank everyone that reads my blog...sends me emails, comments and such. You are all wonderful! You also help me in my journey....Thank you!
Every year I look back over the last year and I a came across a post about blogging.
From December 30th 2006: "October did mark my 6 year anniversary of blogging. And so I did my traditional quote for the entry from the Velveteen Rabbit about being real. For me blogging is about being real. It helps me stay on course and be true to myself....as my life is there in the print before my eyes. I have been told a many times my blog isn't a "true sex slave" blog because I don't write about sex or SM that much and well....then I guess I am not a "true" sex slave. But I am a slave in a Master/slave relationship and this is my real life....boring as it might seem to many out there. I am thankful it is my life.
Recently I had something happen that upset and shocked me. And after I read that quote again it made me thankful all over again for being real. My life isn't all roses and sunshine. It does have really spectacular times that just don't always write. As a friend said we tend to write when things rough and when things are going good we are offline having fun. But the last line is what really spoke to me today..."once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."
I don't expect everyone to understand my relationship with Master. But I am thankful to those that accept it. And even a bigger thing...those that accept I know what is best for me and no one else can really know that...that is being real."
And so that sums it up for me fairly well...blogging for me is about being real. Keeping things real for me. And so to keep on with tradition...
From The Velveteen Rabbit:
"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you..."
"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.
"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful.
"When you are Real, you don't mind being hurt...It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't often happen to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."
Thank everyone that reads my blog...sends me emails, comments and such. You are all wonderful! You also help me in my journey....Thank you!
Thursday, October 25, 2007
Cleaning Carpets
I have been quiet because when we come I crash. And then we have had work to do so been busy with that.
* Today we went grocery shopping. This afternoon I made a few loaves of herbed french bread and sour cream cookies. Master has a meeting tomorrow night. I am making a taco dip and then some french bread pizza. I felt like I smelled like basil all afternoon because the basil in the bread was so strong.
* Tomorrow and Friday I am steam cleaning carpets as it will be in the 70's so I can keep the windows open while the carpet drys.
* I submitted our site for Jane's Guide a while back and we were reviewed!
* I think I need to take some airborne and go read. Reading the second book in the Outlander series.
* Hope to catch up on journals soon...
* Today we went grocery shopping. This afternoon I made a few loaves of herbed french bread and sour cream cookies. Master has a meeting tomorrow night. I am making a taco dip and then some french bread pizza. I felt like I smelled like basil all afternoon because the basil in the bread was so strong.
* Tomorrow and Friday I am steam cleaning carpets as it will be in the 70's so I can keep the windows open while the carpet drys.
* I submitted our site for Jane's Guide a while back and we were reviewed!
* I think I need to take some airborne and go read. Reading the second book in the Outlander series.
* Hope to catch up on journals soon...
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
Home Corners
3 photos of Halloween decorations around the house...
The table with a pumpkin basket and pumpkin table runner.
These little pumpkin bells are hung on silk cords and then tied around handles.
I have had several of these little tissue pumpkins for YEARS and YEARS! The little black cat was attached to some Halloween cookies a friend gave me many years ago.
The table with a pumpkin basket and pumpkin table runner.
These little pumpkin bells are hung on silk cords and then tied around handles.
I have had several of these little tissue pumpkins for YEARS and YEARS! The little black cat was attached to some Halloween cookies a friend gave me many years ago.
Monday, October 22, 2007
Birthday Recap
Just a little recap...
Wednesday - Shopping for shoes! My favorite pair is a pair of Born's which feel oh so good on my feet. I wore them Thursday and Friday and they didn't hurt and I am sure helped me be able to do all the walking we did those days. I can't find a picture of them online but they had a buckled like this one and then they had the top stitching like this one and are in black. I was looking for this pair - we went to 2 DSW's hoping to find them in my size but no go so I got the clogs instead.
Thursday - Breakfast Master's parents meeting my parents...They hit it off instantly! My Dad and Master's Dad worked in the same field at one point and so they talked and talked and talked about that all weekend. My Dad isn't much of a chatterbox but he really did chat it up with Master's Dad. So I am thankful that went so smoothly. My parents and Master and I went to the Denver Art Museum after. There were a lot of little extra features that I enjoyed - there was a postcard station to make your own postcard, there were lots of kid activities that we ended up doing too, lots of booklets to explain more about the pieces, a lot of coffee table art books and sitting areas throughout and just interesting ways to view some of the art. I like museums so it was a nice way to spend my birthday. After we got all the way through, Master wanted me to pick out some things in the gift shop to remember our time there. We saw one of those Anne Taintor magnet that said "...and sometimes we pretend I'm his servant." (last row - 2nd one from the left). Although we don't pretend we got a laugh from it.
We headed to Master's parents and I opened presents. My sister being such loving sisters decided to remind me it was my 40th birthday (something I avoided the whole weekend) by giving me 40 presents! Yes 40 presents including: the ornaments I collect, socks, recipe cards, art supplies, notepads, hot cocoa mix, scented lotion, 40 dimes and much much more!
Master's parents joined my parents and us for dinner on my birthday. I got seafood which is something I love and don't eat very often as Master really can't stand seafood of any kind. We were stuffed from dinner but did a little shopping after before heading to a hotel room.
Master had booked a hotel room for us the night of my birthday. I had packed just a few toys - easy portable ones: several clips, gag, blindfold, a drum stick, a mallet drumstick, the baton, this dog toy that has a loopy handle on one end and a tennis ball on the other end (feels like a punch when it hits the skin), a wooden spoon that is a little bit wider then the ones in our kitchen, this rubber spatula and a leather dog collar that is good as a slapper. Well Master decided that I should get 40 with each hitting instrument...so I got at least 280. I say at least because Master decided on some of them that I seemed like I was enjoying it so he went on longer....isn't that nice him? :) He started to do my breasts too but we didn't get as far with them before getting a little distracted with the Hitachi. I don't have bruises on my bottom but it is still tender but I do have them on my breasts.
Friday - We decided would be a good day for a day trip. My parents haven't been here in the fall so they could see some colors (that what is left at least) and the beautiful mountain scenery. So we spent most of the day in the mountains at various locations!
Saturday - We met up for breakfast. Master had a meeting so while he went to his meeting Mom, Dad and I went shopping. We went to Archivers and I picked up several cute things there. My Mom bought me several things there too. She always seems to go overboard with wanting to buy me things when we get together. My sisters live in town with her and so she treats them to lunch, spa treatments and gifts all year. And so I think she tries to say she doesn't give me enough throughout the year...and I tell her she doesn't need to buy me anything...just seeing them was GREAT! After Master's meeting, he met up with us and we all had Cold Stones before my parents headed to the airport and Master and I headed to his parents to load up and head home.
Overall - The weekend just hanging out with my parents was great. I enjoyed their company, seeing them and celebrating my birthday with them. I am thrilled Master's parents got along with my parents so well! And thankful for all they did this weekend to make it a special weekend for me.
I am always amazed by Master....I think I see all he has in him and then he shows me something new. I mean I have seen his generosity before but it just always seems to go further. He drove my parents all over, he treated us all (6 of us) to several meals, he made sure my birthday was so very special. He shows his love to me in so many ways....words and actions. We have a friend that always says she wishes Master would give classes on creating a special occasion as he always tells her about how he celebrates my birthday and she is always envious. He does truly go out of his way to make it a celebration full of love and laughter. I am truly thankful for ALL he does for me not only for my birthday but always. Thank you Master...thank you thank you for everything!
Wednesday - Shopping for shoes! My favorite pair is a pair of Born's which feel oh so good on my feet. I wore them Thursday and Friday and they didn't hurt and I am sure helped me be able to do all the walking we did those days. I can't find a picture of them online but they had a buckled like this one and then they had the top stitching like this one and are in black. I was looking for this pair - we went to 2 DSW's hoping to find them in my size but no go so I got the clogs instead.
Thursday - Breakfast Master's parents meeting my parents...They hit it off instantly! My Dad and Master's Dad worked in the same field at one point and so they talked and talked and talked about that all weekend. My Dad isn't much of a chatterbox but he really did chat it up with Master's Dad. So I am thankful that went so smoothly. My parents and Master and I went to the Denver Art Museum after. There were a lot of little extra features that I enjoyed - there was a postcard station to make your own postcard, there were lots of kid activities that we ended up doing too, lots of booklets to explain more about the pieces, a lot of coffee table art books and sitting areas throughout and just interesting ways to view some of the art. I like museums so it was a nice way to spend my birthday. After we got all the way through, Master wanted me to pick out some things in the gift shop to remember our time there. We saw one of those Anne Taintor magnet that said "...and sometimes we pretend I'm his servant." (last row - 2nd one from the left). Although we don't pretend we got a laugh from it.
We headed to Master's parents and I opened presents. My sister being such loving sisters decided to remind me it was my 40th birthday (something I avoided the whole weekend) by giving me 40 presents! Yes 40 presents including: the ornaments I collect, socks, recipe cards, art supplies, notepads, hot cocoa mix, scented lotion, 40 dimes and much much more!
Master's parents joined my parents and us for dinner on my birthday. I got seafood which is something I love and don't eat very often as Master really can't stand seafood of any kind. We were stuffed from dinner but did a little shopping after before heading to a hotel room.
Master had booked a hotel room for us the night of my birthday. I had packed just a few toys - easy portable ones: several clips, gag, blindfold, a drum stick, a mallet drumstick, the baton, this dog toy that has a loopy handle on one end and a tennis ball on the other end (feels like a punch when it hits the skin), a wooden spoon that is a little bit wider then the ones in our kitchen, this rubber spatula and a leather dog collar that is good as a slapper. Well Master decided that I should get 40 with each hitting instrument...so I got at least 280. I say at least because Master decided on some of them that I seemed like I was enjoying it so he went on longer....isn't that nice him? :) He started to do my breasts too but we didn't get as far with them before getting a little distracted with the Hitachi. I don't have bruises on my bottom but it is still tender but I do have them on my breasts.
Friday - We decided would be a good day for a day trip. My parents haven't been here in the fall so they could see some colors (that what is left at least) and the beautiful mountain scenery. So we spent most of the day in the mountains at various locations!
Saturday - We met up for breakfast. Master had a meeting so while he went to his meeting Mom, Dad and I went shopping. We went to Archivers and I picked up several cute things there. My Mom bought me several things there too. She always seems to go overboard with wanting to buy me things when we get together. My sisters live in town with her and so she treats them to lunch, spa treatments and gifts all year. And so I think she tries to say she doesn't give me enough throughout the year...and I tell her she doesn't need to buy me anything...just seeing them was GREAT! After Master's meeting, he met up with us and we all had Cold Stones before my parents headed to the airport and Master and I headed to his parents to load up and head home.
Overall - The weekend just hanging out with my parents was great. I enjoyed their company, seeing them and celebrating my birthday with them. I am thrilled Master's parents got along with my parents so well! And thankful for all they did this weekend to make it a special weekend for me.
I am always amazed by Master....I think I see all he has in him and then he shows me something new. I mean I have seen his generosity before but it just always seems to go further. He drove my parents all over, he treated us all (6 of us) to several meals, he made sure my birthday was so very special. He shows his love to me in so many ways....words and actions. We have a friend that always says she wishes Master would give classes on creating a special occasion as he always tells her about how he celebrates my birthday and she is always envious. He does truly go out of his way to make it a celebration full of love and laughter. I am truly thankful for ALL he does for me not only for my birthday but always. Thank you Master...thank you thank you for everything!
Sunday, October 21, 2007
Home Sweet Home
I would say Master and I are happy to be back in the privacy of His home.
I can't even tell you everything that happened because it was just so intense and primal that drew me into a space that made me hear music. I know it included some of my favorite things face slapping & punching and breath play but I know it was more....I struggled against it in pain but for 2 reasons because at times it hurt and I wanted to get away. But other times I struggled against it because it hurt and it was pushing deep masochist buttons that wanted it to hurt more. I know that it was obvious I was in pain but I was just being engulfed and consumed by it. It was most delicious. I was grunting, whimpering, screaming, groaning, moaning, crying and writhing on the bed. And quite spent after it all.
I don't remember when the last time my masochism has come out like that...really touching it such a way. I mean we play with pain all the time but this time it was really primal and raw where I just felt like a thing not able to speak just grunt, writh, moan and fall into what He was doing to me. As I said at the beginning it was primal and intense and I am so glad we had that time together! So yummy!
(ps: the icon is me in the rubber hood)
I can't even tell you everything that happened because it was just so intense and primal that drew me into a space that made me hear music. I know it included some of my favorite things face slapping & punching and breath play but I know it was more....I struggled against it in pain but for 2 reasons because at times it hurt and I wanted to get away. But other times I struggled against it because it hurt and it was pushing deep masochist buttons that wanted it to hurt more. I know that it was obvious I was in pain but I was just being engulfed and consumed by it. It was most delicious. I was grunting, whimpering, screaming, groaning, moaning, crying and writhing on the bed. And quite spent after it all.
I don't remember when the last time my masochism has come out like that...really touching it such a way. I mean we play with pain all the time but this time it was really primal and raw where I just felt like a thing not able to speak just grunt, writh, moan and fall into what He was doing to me. As I said at the beginning it was primal and intense and I am so glad we had that time together! So yummy!
(ps: the icon is me in the rubber hood)
Good Birthday!
We are home (again)! Got in last night.
I want to thank everyone for the wonderful, touching, beautiful comments, emails, cards. I am so very blessed to have a great friends list! Thank you all so much! ♥ ♥
I had a wonderful birthday. We didn't celebrate it with cake and singing of Happy Birthday - which was my wish that we wouldn't. But we celebrated with just doing lots of fun things and seeing my parents. It was a wonderful wonderful weekend! I am very grateful to Master for the words, the gifts, the time he created for my birthday. I am truly a lucky girl!
I am going to work on a longer post so that I can remember the weekend forever
I want to thank everyone for the wonderful, touching, beautiful comments, emails, cards. I am so very blessed to have a great friends list! Thank you all so much! ♥ ♥
I had a wonderful birthday. We didn't celebrate it with cake and singing of Happy Birthday - which was my wish that we wouldn't. But we celebrated with just doing lots of fun things and seeing my parents. It was a wonderful wonderful weekend! I am very grateful to Master for the words, the gifts, the time he created for my birthday. I am truly a lucky girl!
I am going to work on a longer post so that I can remember the weekend forever
Saturday, October 20, 2007
Birthday Love
Master left this message on my livejournal on my birthday isn't it just the best! I melted into a puddle reading his beautiful words.
From danae's M: I wanted to take a brief moment to share my joy in celebrating danae's birthday today!! Words always seem to inadequately describe how I feel about danae and the joy that she brings to My life and to the friends she has around her.. She's so incredibly special and I'm forever grateful to be apart of her life.. Her artistic passion, her celebration of life and living each day to its fullest is coupled with her steadfast dedication and glowing personality with one of the best laughs I've ever heard.. Her beauty never ceases to amaze Me as I constantly find Myself in complete awe of how she looks.. Indeed, I am FAR more lucky to be apart of her life - than the other way around!!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY SWEETHEART!
I love you so very much!
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
Early Birthday Presents!
Daddy gave me early birthday presents tonight...Beauty & the Beast DVD - something we have looked for but had trouble finding. And then a Belle Doll. So while we ate dinner tonight - we watched Beauty and the Beast and my doll sat next to me.
My Daddy is the BESTEST!
ps: We leave in the morning to go to Denver and will be back on Saturday evening.
My Daddy is the BESTEST!
ps: We leave in the morning to go to Denver and will be back on Saturday evening.
Monday, October 15, 2007
Comfortable & Uncomfortable
And odd mix of things....in bullet points as nothing is connected
I think that is all the randomness I have in me at the moment at least.
- We had dinner with friends last night. It was and odd mix of uncomfortable and comfortable. Master had made a video for one of the friends so it was like a thank you dinner from them. We weren't able to be a the party when the showed it as we were in Shreveport. But we watched the video last night with them and the friend got all teary watching it again. And he has watched it several times already but still affected by it. I know it makes Master feel good that his work touches people.
We all watched the Rockies win so that was fun. And comfortable and relaxed. Appetizers and just hanging and talking was comfortable too. We had a really good wine - I only had a sip as migraines still lingering. But it had a grapefruit undertone that was very nice. Dinner then came and that is where I always feel uncomfortable. I feel uncomfortable eating in front of some people. Then plus add on top of this list we were having foods I have never eaten before so that always makes me nervous if what if I don't like it what do I do....we had buffalo steaks. I also broke a spoon. They had mashed potatoes that were very heavy. She had put 3 cheeses in it, chives fresh from her garden (not that chives weight a lot lol) and they just were very weighty spuds so when I went to scoop some on to my plate the spoon snapped. So I know I blushed a million shades red. But I survived. - Well at Master's parents last week we watched the first disk from Planet Earth. And that was so amazing! I loved it. But really what was the cutest is when the birds came on to his parents big screen high definition tv and our sleeping male kitty cat immediately jumped from his slumber to go get them. He was reaching up touching the screen with his paw. He finally jumped up on the speaker next to the tv and sat on it reaching over to the tv to try to get the birds. We didn't get a picture because as soon as we would have moved he would have stopped. But it was SO cute!
- Going to get my hair cut this morning. I will be having probably about 4 to 5 inches taken off - it is a length Master really likes. Then tomorrow I will dye it black cherry.
- Talked to my parents yesterday to get plans more firm for what we are doing and staying. We are going to the art museum Thursday. Friday we will probably take a little day trip. And then the rest of the time will be for shopping. I know my Mom is buying me my present while here - and I am thinking I want new shoes - new mary janes to be exact. And there are DSW's in Denver so probably hit one of those.
- Made Chili and cornbread on Saturday. And then yesterday I made a pie to bring to our friends - chocolate buttermilk. So here are pictures....
- We have a film shoot this afternoon possibly this evening. I am feeling really out of today though so I hope I can snap out of it before then.
- I watched Alice in Wonderland 3 times this weekend. Daddy bought me it and several other little girl movies. I hadn't watched Alice in Wonderland though in probably 10 years and it one I really really like so it was fun to see again!
I think that is all the randomness I have in me at the moment at least.
Saturday, October 13, 2007
Birthday Blues
Well I am thankful that migraines stayed away while out of town but I started my period this week so with it comes migraines and so day 2 of migraine here (well going on day 3 now I guess). My period this month has been so odd. I spotted at the beginning of the month for a few days. I then started my "real" period slowly on Wednesday and now it is in its horrible stage of 3 ibuprofen don't even touch the pain. One good thing is that my period should be done by my birthday.
Okay as everyone knows I am a big person on birthdays. It is day to celebrate. And I try to celebrate my friends and family as I am truly happy that they are in the world! And even my own birthday I try to honor too but this year is REALLY hard. I will be turning 40 on the 18th and not looking forward to it at all. I am glad I get to see my parents but I am really wishing they would have come at another time. But I know they want to celebrate my 40th birthday with me. I just thought I would like to have some time to curl up and cry for a bit.
As I said I am happy to see my parents. I miss them but just not happy about celebrating and making a big deal of my birthday this year.
Master's family is big on celebrating birthdays too. And even though I asked them not to last year - they invited family over. I still celebrated last year properly last year even if family had not come over. And really I couldn't enjoy myself as much because family was over. I had to be on more. So this year I am trying hard not for it not to get into a big family thing. Just my parents and his out to dinner and that is it. (oh yeah and this will be my parents and his parents first meeting so more stress to add on top of my icky birthday).
So why am I not wanting to "celebrate" - 40 shouldn't be a big deal? And I know plenty of people have told me their 40's were the best time of their life. I get that. I think I am just going through some depression in general and just not happy with myself. (just to make clear - glad I am in the relationship I am in and glad that many things in my life have developed as they have - just not happy with some things with myself as person.)
So that is where I am at...right now. In crying, moody, hurty, depressed mood. I should be asking for some cheese with my whine.
ps: I know I would have friends worrying about wishing me a happy birthday but please don't change what you would do. I just am needing to vent and get this out
**icon from Breakfast at Tiffany's because I am watching it right now
Okay as everyone knows I am a big person on birthdays. It is day to celebrate. And I try to celebrate my friends and family as I am truly happy that they are in the world! And even my own birthday I try to honor too but this year is REALLY hard. I will be turning 40 on the 18th and not looking forward to it at all. I am glad I get to see my parents but I am really wishing they would have come at another time. But I know they want to celebrate my 40th birthday with me. I just thought I would like to have some time to curl up and cry for a bit.
As I said I am happy to see my parents. I miss them but just not happy about celebrating and making a big deal of my birthday this year.
Master's family is big on celebrating birthdays too. And even though I asked them not to last year - they invited family over. I still celebrated last year properly last year even if family had not come over. And really I couldn't enjoy myself as much because family was over. I had to be on more. So this year I am trying hard not for it not to get into a big family thing. Just my parents and his out to dinner and that is it. (oh yeah and this will be my parents and his parents first meeting so more stress to add on top of my icky birthday).
So why am I not wanting to "celebrate" - 40 shouldn't be a big deal? And I know plenty of people have told me their 40's were the best time of their life. I get that. I think I am just going through some depression in general and just not happy with myself. (just to make clear - glad I am in the relationship I am in and glad that many things in my life have developed as they have - just not happy with some things with myself as person.)
So that is where I am at...right now. In crying, moody, hurty, depressed mood. I should be asking for some cheese with my whine.
ps: I know I would have friends worrying about wishing me a happy birthday but please don't change what you would do. I just am needing to vent and get this out
**icon from Breakfast at Tiffany's because I am watching it right now
Friday, October 12, 2007
Spiders!
On our way out of Colorado on the way to Shreveport we saw spiders. I don't mean tiny spiders...this is spiders that we saw from our moving car at 65-70 mph. So BIG HAIRY SPIDERS. We saw about 20 of them on the road in about a 50 mile stretch. On our way back Master took pictures. So yes....I am posting a picture of a big hairy spider.
It is a tarantula we found out it is their migration right now...didn't even know we have them in Colorado.
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It is a tarantula we found out it is their migration right now...didn't even know we have them in Colorado.
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Thursday, October 11, 2007
Coming Out...
It is National Coming Out day!
So I direct you to my post on being bisexual. And if you also didn't know I am poly even though not in a poly relationship at this time. Oh and I am kinky!
(I have quite a few PRIDE icons over at my icon community - HERE)
So I direct you to my post on being bisexual. And if you also didn't know I am poly even though not in a poly relationship at this time. Oh and I am kinky!
(I have quite a few PRIDE icons over at my icon community - HERE)
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
Home Home Home!
Home. So glad we are home. But I am feeling really drained it was a stressful drive home as the cats were not really calming down at all....acting freaked out really. So we were worried.
I always think I am going to have more time to post and such while on the road but that never happens.
We actually go back to Denver next week again as my parents are flying in for my birthday. But at least we are home for a bit.
I always think I am going to have more time to post and such while on the road but that never happens.
We actually go back to Denver next week again as my parents are flying in for my birthday. But at least we are home for a bit.
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