In 2005, I wrote a post that as a slave it is very hard to maintain friendships. And nothing has changed -- it is still hard. Only 3 years later -- I think it is even harder for me. A while back I mentioned to someone that I like FetLife because it is giving me some interaction through "chatting" with others of like mind. Well I used the word chat but I really didn't mean it in the usual way -- I meant that private messaging each other on Fetlife has been much like it is on LJ and commenting for me -- a conversation without having to sit down and be focused on a chat program for 30 minutes or however long a person wants to chat. When I check mail, I might see another message and answer and then go back to doing chores or work yet it is giving me some interaction that I wouldn't get otherwise.
But even though I enjoy those interactions on FetLife and LJ, I still have trouble maintaining friendships. Last night I had a list of things I wanted to post to on FetLife, comments I wanted to reply on LJ, blogs I wanted to read and reply to, personal emails to finish that I have had sitting in draft for a week -- and yet I just don't have the brain power/energy. By the time I do things around the house and do business related work -- I just don't have what is needed to give anything the proper attention. I don't want to reply to someone when I am half aware of what I am doing and I feel more and more lately that is what I am doing because it is all I have left to give.
The last 6 months of Master's business has had increased work for me as it is utilizing my skills. And I am here to serve Master and that this skill is helping us pay bills and is becoming a successful part of the business so I am happy I can help. But everything in my life has taken a back seat -- keeping in touch with my family and friends, my art, the house, keeping up with other domestic things such as making menus and keeping up with the grocery list -- nothing is like it was before. And I don't see that changing anytime soon.
There is a handful of friends that have similar type of Ownership/slave type relationship so they accept it and understand or even are in the same situation. And we are thankful for that for the times we can hook up but don't anticipate it being very often. And then there are some friends - even those in the lifestyle - that don't quite understand and I have hurt their feelings by not being around or they feel I don't want to be friends with them. But it isn't that at all. And I am deeply sorry that I upset friends or hurt their feelings. But on the other hand I am a slave and my duties to Master always come first. And I have lost friends because of it. But am thankful for those that do stick it out with me as I am thankful for your friendship.
I'm glad I'm not alone in this. If I didn't blog, I have to wonder if I'd have contact with anyone other than The Knight and my mother...and doctors, always the doctors.
ReplyDeleteI actually have this problem also. I would even like to get to know YOU better, but I cannot find the time to get it all together enough to keep friendships going. I'm usually too tired by the close of day to put together a blog entry. And there are local in person groups to deal with and family, and local vanilla friends. It gets overwhelming.Then on top of that, health.. gah... and doctors all the time. You're not alone. I think a lot of us are going through this.
ReplyDeleteYou're struggle to maintain freindships may also have something to do with the lifestyle you've chosen. When I accepted my position as his submissive and his wife, I made a decision that I would put him and his needs first in all things.
ReplyDeleteIn doing so, it changed my complete focus on life - and it's a good thing I think. But, it has its consequences. There's not so much time running around with friends and making a quick phone call - "hey, I'll be home later you need to scrounge for dinner".
Sounds kind of funny even to write it down. I don't think this is much help for you, but I do understand and I think you are fine. Love the life you have and take care of your priorities. I'm not saying friends aren't important, and I sometimes long for some good girlfriends, but I also know my priority is my Sir / Daddy.
take care, junebug
I think that there are some who will simply "get this" because they do. Over the years, I've come to value those friends who know, understand, and accommodate the way my life is -- and what it demands. I've seen many people come and go who needed more from me than I was able to give. That is, of course, a loss, but part of what is given in order to be true about who I am, and what He means to me, and what our life together is worth.
ReplyDeleteThe few steadfast friends along the way are valued even more for what they are able to bring to this unique relational circle.
swan