Wednesday, July 08, 2009

Slaves and Submissive in Same Poly Household?

There was a thread over on FetLife about submissives and slaves in the same poly household. And how it worked.

My answer...
I lived in a poly household that had slaves and those that identified as submissives. Most of the submissives never lived with us but a few did. Those that were submissive had more control or authority over their own life. Examples...they had safewords, often negotiated play, most of them made plans often without checking with him, they did what they wanted with their hair, they bought things without asking permission and many other things like that that allowed them freedoms and control over their own life. I, as his slave, didn't have safewords, had to check with him before making any plans, couldn't spend money without asking permission, had to ask to do anything with my hair - he had authority over all things in my life.

The submissives that lived with us seemed to often bend to his authority more often the longer they lived with with him. And those that would come spend a weekend or week would often bend to him and emulate how I served. But then after they left the house - they had authority over their own life again.

Some questions that were asked after the thread go on it's way....

So, would you all say that the submissives are more service-oriented than the slaves, or is that not quite accurate? How do their tasks/expectations differ?

In the household I lived in, the submissives weren't "more" service-oriented. It just depended on the person - if they enjoyed service or not. But most of the time they served when they wanted to but if they didn't feel like it then they didn't. The expectations were that the submissives had more freedom and choice.

Going to expand on that more here in my blog then I did over there...

There were time where the Master would ask a submissive to do something for him and if she was in the middle of something she said so and he then turned to me or the other slave and said, "go and do...." So with the submissive it was a request and with the slaves it was a command. Many of the submissives told me they didn't understnand how I could live like that 24/7. They couldn't imagine being at someones beck and call everyday - all day long.

Isn't there a ALPHA slave or submissive usually?

Not in the household I lived in. He was the boss.

And to add more again....

There wasn't a hierarchy. Because of people being there before others - it created some tensions but it didn't mean someone who was there first was more important or in charge. It just was that they were there longer which is actually a subject I want to write about some time and what that does to the new person coming in.


  1. I love your posts when you answer questions on the life style and such. It really helps me understand better.

    Also randomly. LOVE the icon in this post. v. hot.

  2. We're not sure we'll ever be poly again. We want to. But we're happy just being us to. We've reached an "If it happens, it happens." point in our relationship and it's quite comfy.

    But when the discussion comes up, M says if He ever did take a submissive rather than a slave, she'd have to help with service and if that was a problem for them oh well. He hasn't decided if He wants an hierarchy among us or not or how it would go if He had one.

    I'm not really sure how I feel about it.

    Thank you for posting this, though. It gives me some insight into things I've been thinking about for a while.

  3. Eve, if you ever have a question you want me to ask - please feel free to drop me a comment or email ( I really love answering questions because sometimes it is hard to think of something to write on. I feel like I talk about the same things over and over so giving me focus on something specific is nice.

  4. rayne, I am glad the post gave you insight. You saying hierarchy made me think of something I have been wanting to write about - if there really can be equality in poly. It is something we want very much but I do wonder if it is possible. Going from my own past experiences I just don't know.


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