Okay I have been procrastinating

What's new? LOL

I am a big procrastinator. I have been as long as I can remember. I wonder what makes some people procrastinate and others do not. I think most people have put things off a little bit, but are not as much of a procrastinator as I am.

I sometimes think that is why I want a Dominant and also my Daddy in my life. Because I will be held accountable for my actions. I have not really ever been held accountable.

My parents would get mad at my grades or something similar to that but all I got was a lecture and not always that (sometimes it just was let go with no one caring). The lecture did not stop me from doing it again. I would just hear that I needed to do better. But why? I never knew why.

On to more pleasant topics….

This weekend was interesting as always…when Jackie comes home to visit.

This weekend special memories were created with Jackie. I love her very much and am happy to have had the time with her I did.

Wednesday – Jackie got here about 4:30 – 5pm and she and I just laid on the bed talking. I very much wanted to kiss her and hold her then but I needed to talk to her about how she felt about that first.

So I brought it up. She and I talked and she wanted the same things I did.

Daddy and I had talked that when it comes to sex I am like a man lol But with woman I can be woman also. But I go back and forth between the two. I am like a man because I just like to dive in and go for it - no foreplay. I just want the good stuff. And what I feel Jackie needs is me to be more of a woman. So I tried to make a conscious effort at first to be a woman and treat her like a woman.

One of my fears when getting close to someone is intimacy. Someone on a mailing list I am on said recently that woman equate love and sex. I equate intimacy with love. I can just have sex and not love the person. But to be intimate with someone to me is to love that person.

I have been craving that intimacy for a while. I miss honeyrose. But that is not the reason…I wanted to be with Jackie. I wanted to be with Jackie because I love Jackie and wanted to show her that with that level of intimacy that scares me.

There was a point on Friday night we were out at the informal, that the urge was so strong. I wanted Jackie so very much. I had been so scared and then something clicked inside when I was watching her. And I was not scared anymore. We kissed at Karaoke and I just wanted to kiss her more. Touch her more. When we got home we were changing in the bedroom and I just could not resist. I just took her and kissed her deeply pushing her against the wall. I needed that kiss..I needed her.

From then on it was good – I was not scared. And we had a great weekend. I love Jackie very much. I hope that we are a part of each others lives for a very long time.

peace & serenity,
danae