Need to talk about – Last week – This weekend – Art – Jackie – SMART….
Last week I was sick. I had a migraine every day of the week. I was sick to my stomach on and off all week. So I was not a happy camper. I worked on a few websites but was not really able to give it my full 'til Friday and then I just kind of threw myself into it and loved every moment of being creative. Something I crave deeply at times…to let myself just be creative.
This weekend – Friday night was peaceful. Daddy and I talked and then at dinner and talked more. Finally I went online to finish website stuff. I am hoping that this week I get my personal website up and running : ) Saturday – We had a GREAT day! It is amazing how well everything came together. It was just a series of simple little things , but it made me feel good. We got up early to run errands. I needed to get my tags for my car. We called the bank and of course were kind of tiring to figure out how to do that and get there other things we needed too. I had money coming from a job thought the check might be in the mailbox so we decided to head out and check the mail on our way. My Daddy recently started a new job and we thought it might be Dec 1 before he were to get paid so we were scraping by….so I got the mail and besides my money – there was a check from his company. So that was a VERY pleasant surprise. Sometimes money – having it – creates less stress’ in my life. So we were very happy about that!! RENT can be paid yippeee!! LOL We then went to the DMV – where as most people know you usually stand in line forever - I thought hmm a Saturday is going to be terrible. I was in line maybe 10 mins and in the the DMV a total of like 20 mins if that! It was awesome! We then went to breakfast at Bob Evan’s – weekend mornings are packed – it was but we only waited like 10 mins and then were sat had the most wonderful waitress and then our food was out in less then 5 mins. So everything just went so smoothly on Saturday day. Saturday night – was SMART…a local bdsm meeting. We had a nice time seeing lots of friends. Then M and SJ came back home with us and Daddy sessioned SJ – heard her moans all the way into the living room so I know she had a good time! LOL I know she needed it too : )
Sunday – We got up early and headed to see Jackie. Oh how I missed her…It was only a week since I had seen her and I missed her sooooo much. She and I had a non verbal miscommunication. We caught her just as she was getting out of the shower *yummy* and I just got this feeling she did not want to be kissed. So I did not kiss her even though I wanted too. Then we all talked for a while and then went to eat – made some stops on the way back to her place {the art store being one – tell of the significance of this later lol}. When we got back Daddy had to give her a punishment, so I sat on the couch and took a nap – Oh I was soo tired from being up early on Saturday and then late to bed and then up early again on Sunday. When they were done, Jackie came to get me to come hang out with them. Daddy had left the room for a moment and Jackie and I talked for a moment Jackie said she had got the feeling from me that I had not wanted to kiss her. And I said no, I have wanted to soo many times but felt she did not want me too so I did not. LOL So we were both wanting the same thing and neither of us feeling the other wanted it. So we got over that *smiles *
Jackie took us to the clay studio. It was incredible just to see her in her environment! Just watching her pat clay into molds – she as she would say was not doing anything – but it still was incredible. What was more incredible was asking her about her next project. Watching her talk about it…I could see the pain but also the pride in the subject she was doing. Art is truly an expression of the artist – emotional very vulnerable and exposed. I am not going to give away what the project is but I will when it is done and been critiqued. I did see lots of her other work – she had in her apt. She is soooo talented. I am very proud of her. She had a painting in the hall of a nude woman but it had blue under tones in some parts and I meant to ask her about it but did not have time. I had feelings I am not sure I can verbalize on it yet. Then I saw me - lol - well she used me as model for a teapot that she created. It was really good – the teapot – not me : )
It was hard to leave. I hate leaving her and it will only get harder too but she is worth it. She hates it when I cry and I cry SOO MUCH lol - and I of course started crying. She was joking yelling at me to stop. I know she does not like it because when her friends and loved ones are in pain – hurt – sad – cry – she feels with them and she hates to cry.
Right now is a hard time on Jackie. And I am at a loss of how to help her. I mean this is something I have no experience with – and do not even know how to even begin to understand what she is feeling. Her mom has cancer. It is an anniversary coming up on thanksgiving for it and now is another date of waiting to find out results on tests for her mom. The anniversary, the waiting, and the holding point is hard on Jackie. As I imagine it should be, but I have no idea how to comfort her. I just want to hug her and hold her and take all her pain away. I want to magically be able to make her mom better so she will not have to go through any of this. She is so young and I cannot imagine going through something like this at her age. She is brave and strong.
Okay next topic – Sunday when with Jackie, we went into an art store. She had to get some plaster. And while she was doing that I went and fondled some pastels. : )
When we came out of the art store I got upset because I felt sad. I was sad that I have lost a part of my life and not sure how to get it back - my art. I have not touched it in such a long time and I just am scared to try it again. And it made me long for it today being in the art store – it made me sad also for not doing – sad for being scared of doing it. So, I am going to try this week to decide what I need to do. If I should pursue it more {which the answer is most likely yes – just need to convince myself lol).
Monday was a day that I chose not to think about at this time…….
I need to get to the store tonight to get ingredients to make the pies for Thanksgiving. Daddy and I are going to SJ’s for Thanksgiving! : )
More to come later……
peace & serenity,
danae
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