I am not sure even what to write…
I was suppose to leave for Detroit to go see j and her Owner, before heading to meet Master, but nerves and maybe the flu kicked in high gear early this morning. I had the chills and then would get hot, achy, fever and throwing up. The throwing up I think might have been nerves, but I am not for sure. So, I now leave for Detroit early in the morning.
Last week was very hard…
Saying good bye to everyone…
Bill and Lisa had a picnic for me…my closest friends were there. I think about 20 people showed up. It was a good crowd and I appreciated everyone coming seeing me off one last time. I can’t begin to tell you how much you all mean to me. I am blessed…truly and deeply blessed.
Tears…tears and more tears have been my theme this week…
Thursday night I spent at Moni’s and Michael’s and Friday when I took a shower I went to grab my stuff that I keep at their home to bring back here with me, to pack and I started crying. I stood in the shower crying. I ended up spending Friday night with them so had another cry on Saturday morning realizing that was my last weekend with them. Moni made breakfast like she always does and it was just hard realizing that was the last weekend breakfast I will spend with them…like that. It was hard; I will miss her so very much. She has been such an incredible friend. I hope she knows how much I care about her and will be here for her whenever she needs. Just because I am moving does not turn off the feelings I have for her.
I don’t know what I would have done without her in my life. She has taught me so much and been so accepting always. I love her dearly.
Last week I did not get a chance to talk to girlie. We chat every morning online. And then internet was down here last night and today, so I did not get a chance to talk to her this morning. I miss her so much and wished we had had that last morning of chatting. Thank you for knowing me…allowing me to be me. You have made it easier for me to let Master see me…because you have seen the good the bad and the ugly. Thank you so much for not running for the hills when I showed you the ugly. I love you always always girlie!
Bill and Lisa…and I had our cry fest last night – okay so Bill did not cry...*smiles* But he has always been wonderful in hugs and support during cry fest. I gave the kids, at Christmas time, one of those magnetic poetry sets. Lisa did words and then a few little lines. I looked at the words again today and started to cry…the words work reciprocal. They both have helped me so much…supported, given advice, listened, given me a shoulder to cry on and a hug. They have given me a home with a family and I don’t know how I will ever repay them. Thank you so much Bill and Lisa! I love you both very much!
I am very grateful to all my friends!
All my friends have helped me grow in some way or another…and I don’t know how I thank them enough for everything they have done for me.
Seeing j and saying good bye to her will be hard too. I am not sure when we will see each other again. If you read my who’s who list…you will see j has been someone in my life that I have loved deeply. I love easily and love all my friends, but j is more then a friend.
This past week I thought of people in my past...some of who I am still close too…Kam, Todd, Di, JJ, Jackie, Mistress DM, Nick, and so on. I was thinking about how so much of what I felt with some people is gone. All I felt was sad for them basically. I did not feel anger or resentment. It was nice to not feel so many of those feelings that I associate with grieving. I miss Mistress DM. I am glad Jackie and I have remained friends. I am glad Nick and I have remained friends too. I learn from everyone. And ALL of them have got me to this point where I found the One.
Someone asked me yesterday if he was the one. I said yes. She said how do you know. I said because it feels right. She said did it feel right before. Yes I thought it did…but when it happened with Him…it was like enlightenment. You just know it. It is there and it just happens.
This feeling is so different then any other I have had before. I can’t explain it. But it feels different. It was like a higher level of calmness. I am always neurotic and I am always emotional but in that core it warm and calm. 2 years ago right before I went to Germany I had that feeling…that calmness of knowing it was right. And that was when I was just right with me. I was seeing someone but that feeling started before he came into my life.
I guess I will stop babbling on and on…
My hope…my wish is for everyone to feel that rightness with life. That this is how it is to be…that this is being happy.
Thank You everyone for helping me find my happiness. Fairy tales do come true!
