Some dialog that I enjoyed on a Buffy episode tonight.
Xander, Anya and Willow are playing poker.
Xander: Wish Buff could have made it...this 3 handed poker is not quite the game
Willow: Guess she is out with Riley....You know how it is with a spankin new boyfriend
Anya: Yes,we have enjoyed spanking.
Xander shuffling cards....and they go all over as Ayna says that.
Later Willow and Buffy are having lunch...Riley walks in and Buffy is checking him out.
Buffy after seeing that Riley chose a Twinkie for lunch: Oh he is so going to be punished.
Willow: Everyone is getting spanked but me.
Saturday, February 26, 2005
Friday, February 25, 2005
Meme Me Explained: Dark Desires
Okay I am lagging totally behind on my question and answers...and I am sorry...
Only a few questions to go, so here the answer to the comment left about hearing more about number 6 on the plus 10 list...
6. I have dark fantasies
Warning before reading anymore know the rest contains degradation and humiliation.
This is from our website....plus I will add some things to the bottom. Again some of these things might not be dark to you but they are to me because they are not part of our/my normal SM play. All they are just little snippets that a lot of time have long fantasies around them make them more dark for me.
Dark desires are something I have had with me for as long as I can remember. Sometimes they were more tame then others - some I want to really do and others are just masturbational fodder - such as being kidnapped by someone and becoming his slave. It came from the bodice ripper/romance/harlequin novelettes. The dark desires grew to being treated like nothing by being hit with fists, forced and mind controlled. Becoming nothing - Nothing.
All the images - those taken from the romance novels and those that grew into the desire to be degraded - were all things I said I should not want. That they were wrong. But then one day - I found out that for me - wanting and desiring dark desires did not make me a bad person. They were not wrong for me. The images are dark, deep and scream of non-consensual acts, but in my soul I feel I need them so they are in essence consensual. And I don't feel bad for wanting them.
The dark desires for me resonate of humiliation and degradation. It is the wanting to surrender those core pieces of the emotional masochist in me. It is the part of me that wants to be used and abused - be treated like nothing. I only seem to feel that part of me during use, abuse and being treated like nothing....where I am humiliated and degraded. It is a very yummy feeling for me. I don't crave it as much as I used to, but I still have images that come to the surface.
Some of the things listed below I have done. Others are images I have never done and not sure I ever will as that is up to my Master.
Here are some snippets of images:
When I think of these things most of the time they go on for days and days...many of them linked together.
~~ Being pushed hard against a wall, slapped over and over again until you know the redness is going to be a bruise in the morning
~~ Wearing a shock collar and being shocked for doing something wrong but also for my Master's pure enjoyment of seeing the fear and pain in my eyes.
~~ Being held under water
~~ Being tied or bound in some way in the tub, rubber hood, blindfold, breathing tube and then covered in water
~~ Only allowed urine and cum to drink all day - and not allowed to eat food
~~ Fasting is a way of cleansing the soul in some religions and I have many fantasies about fasting for cleansing for the worship of my Master.
~~ Eating out of a dog dish 24/7 at home in private
~~ To have marks - bruises always
~~ Being beaten and having wounds, but not having them treated right away and locked in a cage or closet.
~~ Not being allowed clothing, not being allowed on the furniture, not being allowed to speak until spoken too - and the whole time told why it is this way because I am nothing, trash and not good enough to be doing those things.
~~ Having to use a bucket for a toilet because I am worthless - I am only good enough to use a bucket
~~ Have writing on me in permanent marker slut whore pig and such lots of the time
~~ Raped - hurt - crying - forced with Master and/or men he chooses or more then one man - doing a gang bang again
~~ Any type of breath play - strangulation, choking, smothering
~~ Forced to urinate on myself privately and publicly (such as being in Wal*Mart and forced to piss on myself and continue shopping and check out)
~~ Treated like a dog - made to eat out of a bowl...sleep in a cage...no talking shocked if do by shock collar
~~ I have fantasies about sex with a dog and several other fantasies around that topic, but not even going to get into those here.
~~ Being set up to fail
~~ Not being allowed into bed with my Master only if to give him pleasure and only if I earn time to be in his bed.
~~ Being yanked around by my long hair to be positioned to give a blowjob. And then having my long hair placed to cover my face and making me continue to work under that shroud, humiliated - not fit to meet Master's eyes.
~~ Being made to drink out of the toilet.
~~ Having my face shoved in the toilet and held there. Having my face held there and then fucked in the ass.
~~ Having my face shoved in there after He has urinated in there....drinking the piss-water.
~~ Being cut off from all outside contact of the world. Not knowing who is president or what is going on next door. Just being a slave is the only thing I know.
~~ Cigarettes...Used intentionally, with a couple of puffs between each touch, the lit end of a cigarette makes a nice, cruel way to leave one's initials on a girl's breasts for several weeks (and Master and I are not smokers)
~~ To be a good little ashtray and kneel there and push my breasts up for use
~~ Being told to stand, turn and bend over instead... and then stub it out squarely between those swollen wet lips of yours.
~~ To be pinned down and spread legs and cunt lips...carefully tease that clit out and so it is swollen. And then burned with a cigarette.
~~ Being punched over and over again like a punching bag
~~ Being kicked in the cunt. I have had this done a few times and the feeling is there for days. Sitting is difficult. People will write they feel a spanking days after each time they sit. I never feel that. Maybe for the first hour - that is MAYBE. But being kicked in the cunt I do feel for days afterwards.
~~ Having a hot rod or some type of wire that has been heated - pressed to my clit
~~ Being used as a footstool or made into some object - not a person just a piece of furniture. Something that is used but never thought of other then when used.
~~ Being tied up outside and left for a while - going to my abandonment fantasies.
~~ Being used - abused outside far away where I could not escape if I wanted - I guess that goes to those kidnapping fantasies I had a young girl.
~~ Being bound, hooded, gagged with earplugs to get that deep sensory deprivation thing going on
To add to those....
~~ Being given a black eye and busted lip by my Master
~~ Like wearing diapers....goes from just wearing them from a bit to longer...to having to urinate in public while in them. Now that is probably not a big deal but I guess I have that fear of leaking.
~~ I have lots of fantasies of having to pee on myself...especially in public. Such as urinating somewhere public and having to tell them I did it
~~ Being totally mind controlled -- they used to be favorite type of erotica that I read. Now I don't read erotica
~~ Wearing really slutty clothing and make up to like WalMart or wearing clothing I don't find umm attractive or nice
~~ Wearing very bland clothing - being veiled
~~ I have been in a gang bang before but think about doing it again
~~ Plastic bag over head - taped around neck
~~ My pussy sewn up
~~ Forced lactating fantasies
~~ Being fisted not necessarily dark but just one of those things I want to experience sometime
Well the list can go on and on of just little snippets but I don't think the full scale of them really come out until I spell out all the fantasies but I am terrible at that....so this is all there will be here.
But I do wonder why...is why...I have them. I accept I do but at times I still wonder why I have these kind of humiliating fantasies.
Only a few questions to go, so here the answer to the comment left about hearing more about number 6 on the plus 10 list...
6. I have dark fantasies
Warning before reading anymore know the rest contains degradation and humiliation.
This is from our website....plus I will add some things to the bottom. Again some of these things might not be dark to you but they are to me because they are not part of our/my normal SM play. All they are just little snippets that a lot of time have long fantasies around them make them more dark for me.
Dark desires are something I have had with me for as long as I can remember. Sometimes they were more tame then others - some I want to really do and others are just masturbational fodder - such as being kidnapped by someone and becoming his slave. It came from the bodice ripper/romance/harlequin novelettes. The dark desires grew to being treated like nothing by being hit with fists, forced and mind controlled. Becoming nothing - Nothing.
All the images - those taken from the romance novels and those that grew into the desire to be degraded - were all things I said I should not want. That they were wrong. But then one day - I found out that for me - wanting and desiring dark desires did not make me a bad person. They were not wrong for me. The images are dark, deep and scream of non-consensual acts, but in my soul I feel I need them so they are in essence consensual. And I don't feel bad for wanting them.
The dark desires for me resonate of humiliation and degradation. It is the wanting to surrender those core pieces of the emotional masochist in me. It is the part of me that wants to be used and abused - be treated like nothing. I only seem to feel that part of me during use, abuse and being treated like nothing....where I am humiliated and degraded. It is a very yummy feeling for me. I don't crave it as much as I used to, but I still have images that come to the surface.
Some of the things listed below I have done. Others are images I have never done and not sure I ever will as that is up to my Master.
Here are some snippets of images:
When I think of these things most of the time they go on for days and days...many of them linked together.
~~ Being pushed hard against a wall, slapped over and over again until you know the redness is going to be a bruise in the morning
~~ Wearing a shock collar and being shocked for doing something wrong but also for my Master's pure enjoyment of seeing the fear and pain in my eyes.
~~ Being held under water
~~ Being tied or bound in some way in the tub, rubber hood, blindfold, breathing tube and then covered in water
~~ Only allowed urine and cum to drink all day - and not allowed to eat food
~~ Fasting is a way of cleansing the soul in some religions and I have many fantasies about fasting for cleansing for the worship of my Master.
~~ Eating out of a dog dish 24/7 at home in private
~~ To have marks - bruises always
~~ Being beaten and having wounds, but not having them treated right away and locked in a cage or closet.
~~ Not being allowed clothing, not being allowed on the furniture, not being allowed to speak until spoken too - and the whole time told why it is this way because I am nothing, trash and not good enough to be doing those things.
~~ Having to use a bucket for a toilet because I am worthless - I am only good enough to use a bucket
~~ Have writing on me in permanent marker slut whore pig and such lots of the time
~~ Raped - hurt - crying - forced with Master and/or men he chooses or more then one man - doing a gang bang again
~~ Any type of breath play - strangulation, choking, smothering
~~ Forced to urinate on myself privately and publicly (such as being in Wal*Mart and forced to piss on myself and continue shopping and check out)
~~ Treated like a dog - made to eat out of a bowl...sleep in a cage...no talking shocked if do by shock collar
~~ I have fantasies about sex with a dog and several other fantasies around that topic, but not even going to get into those here.
~~ Being set up to fail
~~ Not being allowed into bed with my Master only if to give him pleasure and only if I earn time to be in his bed.
~~ Being yanked around by my long hair to be positioned to give a blowjob. And then having my long hair placed to cover my face and making me continue to work under that shroud, humiliated - not fit to meet Master's eyes.
~~ Being made to drink out of the toilet.
~~ Having my face shoved in the toilet and held there. Having my face held there and then fucked in the ass.
~~ Having my face shoved in there after He has urinated in there....drinking the piss-water.
~~ Being cut off from all outside contact of the world. Not knowing who is president or what is going on next door. Just being a slave is the only thing I know.
~~ Cigarettes...Used intentionally, with a couple of puffs between each touch, the lit end of a cigarette makes a nice, cruel way to leave one's initials on a girl's breasts for several weeks (and Master and I are not smokers)
~~ To be a good little ashtray and kneel there and push my breasts up for use
~~ Being told to stand, turn and bend over instead... and then stub it out squarely between those swollen wet lips of yours.
~~ To be pinned down and spread legs and cunt lips...carefully tease that clit out and so it is swollen. And then burned with a cigarette.
~~ Being punched over and over again like a punching bag
~~ Being kicked in the cunt. I have had this done a few times and the feeling is there for days. Sitting is difficult. People will write they feel a spanking days after each time they sit. I never feel that. Maybe for the first hour - that is MAYBE. But being kicked in the cunt I do feel for days afterwards.
~~ Having a hot rod or some type of wire that has been heated - pressed to my clit
~~ Being used as a footstool or made into some object - not a person just a piece of furniture. Something that is used but never thought of other then when used.
~~ Being tied up outside and left for a while - going to my abandonment fantasies.
~~ Being used - abused outside far away where I could not escape if I wanted - I guess that goes to those kidnapping fantasies I had a young girl.
~~ Being bound, hooded, gagged with earplugs to get that deep sensory deprivation thing going on
To add to those....
~~ Being given a black eye and busted lip by my Master
~~ Like wearing diapers....goes from just wearing them from a bit to longer...to having to urinate in public while in them. Now that is probably not a big deal but I guess I have that fear of leaking.
~~ I have lots of fantasies of having to pee on myself...especially in public. Such as urinating somewhere public and having to tell them I did it
~~ Being totally mind controlled -- they used to be favorite type of erotica that I read. Now I don't read erotica
~~ Wearing really slutty clothing and make up to like WalMart or wearing clothing I don't find umm attractive or nice
~~ Wearing very bland clothing - being veiled
~~ I have been in a gang bang before but think about doing it again
~~ Plastic bag over head - taped around neck
~~ My pussy sewn up
~~ Forced lactating fantasies
~~ Being fisted not necessarily dark but just one of those things I want to experience sometime
Well the list can go on and on of just little snippets but I don't think the full scale of them really come out until I spell out all the fantasies but I am terrible at that....so this is all there will be here.
But I do wonder why...is why...I have them. I accept I do but at times I still wonder why I have these kind of humiliating fantasies.
Thursday, February 24, 2005
Birthday Wish....
Happy Birthday Katrina!
I hope you have had a FANTASTIC Birthday...One celebrating you!
Wednesday, February 23, 2005
Daily Om - Truth of Impermanence
February 2, 2005
Truth Of Impermanence
Dharma
When we encounter difficulty, we often ask: "Why me? What did I do to deserve this?" We look at all of life from our own personal viewpoint, seeing ourselves as fixed features in a world fraught with all kinds of bodily harm and unexpected danger. Even as we grow older, we worry about the inevitable changes our body encounters and the fact that life is not endless. From a Buddhist perspective, human beings cause their own suffering when they consider their egos to be fixed and permanent and therefore at conflict with a world of change. Instead, people should awaken to Dharma, the truth of impermanence. The term Dharma has come to refer to a number of concepts, including truth, virtue, teachings and Nirvana. But Dharma always means the change that occurs when we awaken to the true nature of our lives.
According to Buddhist lore, the Buddha awakened to the Dharma of impermanence while meditating under the Bodhi tree. He realized that all living things - humans, animals and plant life - would someday pass away from the world. Sensing that we all face the same fate, he felt great compassion for all living things and felt deeply that we are all interdependent. He understood that the root of suffering was a lack of acceptance of this fact of impermanence and he decided to devote his life to teaching all people this truth and ending suffering. But the Dharma cannot be taught to people in a traditional way. Change occurs when we are "filled with" Dharma and can then lead by example. Most importantly, we become aware that all of life is woven together in an interconnected tapestry. Then we feel true compassion for all that is alive.
Dharma also means Nirvana, the greatest possible good. This ultimate state is reached when we have rooted out the causes of our self-centered dissatisfaction. We can achieve this by having a healthy mentality, which is another meaning for the term Dharma. In order to acquire this virtuous mentality, we have to be willing to learn. Dharma is also used to refer to teachings - any teachings that help you reach a state of compassion can be considered Dharma.
The word Dharma can be a helpful guide on a quest for enlightenment. By opening our minds to the teachings around us, we begin to embody a new, healthy mentality. Our teachers may come in the form of a family member, advisor or piece of writing, but we may also find a guide within ourselves, while meditating under a tree like the Buddha. By awakening to the truth of our interdependence, we become far more than individuals struggling. We embody truth.
Truth Of Impermanence
Dharma
When we encounter difficulty, we often ask: "Why me? What did I do to deserve this?" We look at all of life from our own personal viewpoint, seeing ourselves as fixed features in a world fraught with all kinds of bodily harm and unexpected danger. Even as we grow older, we worry about the inevitable changes our body encounters and the fact that life is not endless. From a Buddhist perspective, human beings cause their own suffering when they consider their egos to be fixed and permanent and therefore at conflict with a world of change. Instead, people should awaken to Dharma, the truth of impermanence. The term Dharma has come to refer to a number of concepts, including truth, virtue, teachings and Nirvana. But Dharma always means the change that occurs when we awaken to the true nature of our lives.
According to Buddhist lore, the Buddha awakened to the Dharma of impermanence while meditating under the Bodhi tree. He realized that all living things - humans, animals and plant life - would someday pass away from the world. Sensing that we all face the same fate, he felt great compassion for all living things and felt deeply that we are all interdependent. He understood that the root of suffering was a lack of acceptance of this fact of impermanence and he decided to devote his life to teaching all people this truth and ending suffering. But the Dharma cannot be taught to people in a traditional way. Change occurs when we are "filled with" Dharma and can then lead by example. Most importantly, we become aware that all of life is woven together in an interconnected tapestry. Then we feel true compassion for all that is alive.
Dharma also means Nirvana, the greatest possible good. This ultimate state is reached when we have rooted out the causes of our self-centered dissatisfaction. We can achieve this by having a healthy mentality, which is another meaning for the term Dharma. In order to acquire this virtuous mentality, we have to be willing to learn. Dharma is also used to refer to teachings - any teachings that help you reach a state of compassion can be considered Dharma.
The word Dharma can be a helpful guide on a quest for enlightenment. By opening our minds to the teachings around us, we begin to embody a new, healthy mentality. Our teachers may come in the form of a family member, advisor or piece of writing, but we may also find a guide within ourselves, while meditating under a tree like the Buddha. By awakening to the truth of our interdependence, we become far more than individuals struggling. We embody truth.
Quiz Central Today
You are 'regularly metric verse'. This can take
many forms, including heroic couplets, blank
verse, and other iambic pentameters, for
example. It has not been used much since the
nineteenth century; modern poets tend to prefer
rhyme without meter, or even poetry with
neither rhyme nor meter.
You appreciate the beautiful things in life--the
joy of music, the color of leaves falling, the
rhythm of a heartbeat. You see life itself as
a series of little poems. The result (or is it
the cause?) is that you are pensive and often
melancholy. You enjoy the company of other
people, but they find you unexcitable and
depressing. Your problem is that regularly
metric verse has been obsolete for a long time.
What obsolete skill are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
 | You scored as A Too Sweet Faerie. So sweet your totally sugared up! Has there ever been anyone so nice. Quick to forgive and quick to forget, everybody wants to know you! You've just got to make sure nobody takes advantage and tries to use you, don't be afraid to say no sometimes!
Which Dysfunctional Faerie are You? created with QuizFarm.com |
Float On by Modest Mouse |
 "Bad news comes don't you worry even when it lands Good news will work its way to all them plans" Laid back and real, people appreciated you for you are in 2004. |
I did this quiz and it really does not seem to fit me at all. I wasn't really a loner. I had a group of friends. And then the next highest is stoner and I never did drugs and not even smoking a cigarettes. But I liked the picture :)
 | You scored as Loner.
What's Your High School Stereotype? created with QuizFarm.com |
You Are 33 Years Old |
33 Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe. 13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. 20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. 30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! 40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax. |
Monday, February 21, 2005
Design Change....
I have not done the archives yet, but need to get some sleep so will do that tomorrow...or I guess later today. And who knows it might even change again...I have been playing with photoshop so this is just one of several designs I came up with for the blog.
Sunday, February 20, 2005
Life Update
...on a few things....
The Notebook
Okay first Oh my...oh my...we saw The Notebook tonight and well I am not going to blabber on and on about it because really I can't....
If I get started I know I will just start telling everything about the movie and I don't want to ruin it for anyone that has not seen it. It was such a great movie. Great kleenex box romance! Wow! I hope Master wants to own that movie as it was so good!
Passionate Kisses and Dancing
Tonight Master paused the movie so we could take a bathroom break and before we headed to do that...we had passionate kisses and dancing to no music in the living room. It was quite breathtaking and wonderful. I love those kind of moments.
Next...do you have things that just make you happy that surprise you?
I mean like the last moment described obviously is a moment that makes me happy. But there also little moments that take me by surprise...surprise that they make me feel good and happy. One of those moments for me is...cleaning the kitchen after dinner. It is a silly little thing. But I will clean up and it makes me feel good....knowing I just made Master a good meal...knowing I am making His life nicer by doing these things for Him...cooking and cleaning. And I know it is kind of silly but every night doing the dishes, cleaning up the kitchen makes me feel good.
Art supply Goodness!
Master brought me to Michael's today to get art supplies...they had a 50% off one item coupon and it was something He said He wanted to do to add to my Valentine's present. I knew some things I wanted and knew how much He wanted to spend. So at first I just kind of tossed things in the basket. Then I went to another part of the store and tossed some things in....ready then to go through and see what I REALLY wanted and needed verses those that well could wait for another time or I could just do without. As I was doing that Master stopped me and just put everything in the basket and walked towards the check out. It surprised me and made me hyperventilate a little because I knew there was quite a bit in there.
I got 2 - 3 packs of canvas boards, a tablet of watercolor paper, a brush with a rubber gripper, stickers, 2 packages of brads, a black stamp pad, a package of rusty old keys, and lots of glue sticks as I am running out of them fast lately.
Master bought a thing of purple duct tape. Hmm wonder why He wanted that (written with a smile).
I appreciate all the art supply goodness He gave me....Thank you Master! It is quite fun thinking about all I can do with those things added to those things I have in my studio room already. Yay me!
I added another collage to The Gallery.
The Notebook
Okay first Oh my...oh my...we saw The Notebook tonight and well I am not going to blabber on and on about it because really I can't....
If I get started I know I will just start telling everything about the movie and I don't want to ruin it for anyone that has not seen it. It was such a great movie. Great kleenex box romance! Wow! I hope Master wants to own that movie as it was so good!
Passionate Kisses and Dancing
Tonight Master paused the movie so we could take a bathroom break and before we headed to do that...we had passionate kisses and dancing to no music in the living room. It was quite breathtaking and wonderful. I love those kind of moments.
Next...do you have things that just make you happy that surprise you?
I mean like the last moment described obviously is a moment that makes me happy. But there also little moments that take me by surprise...surprise that they make me feel good and happy. One of those moments for me is...cleaning the kitchen after dinner. It is a silly little thing. But I will clean up and it makes me feel good....knowing I just made Master a good meal...knowing I am making His life nicer by doing these things for Him...cooking and cleaning. And I know it is kind of silly but every night doing the dishes, cleaning up the kitchen makes me feel good.
Art supply Goodness!
Master brought me to Michael's today to get art supplies...they had a 50% off one item coupon and it was something He said He wanted to do to add to my Valentine's present. I knew some things I wanted and knew how much He wanted to spend. So at first I just kind of tossed things in the basket. Then I went to another part of the store and tossed some things in....ready then to go through and see what I REALLY wanted and needed verses those that well could wait for another time or I could just do without. As I was doing that Master stopped me and just put everything in the basket and walked towards the check out. It surprised me and made me hyperventilate a little because I knew there was quite a bit in there.
I got 2 - 3 packs of canvas boards, a tablet of watercolor paper, a brush with a rubber gripper, stickers, 2 packages of brads, a black stamp pad, a package of rusty old keys, and lots of glue sticks as I am running out of them fast lately.
Master bought a thing of purple duct tape. Hmm wonder why He wanted that (written with a smile).
I appreciate all the art supply goodness He gave me....Thank you Master! It is quite fun thinking about all I can do with those things added to those things I have in my studio room already. Yay me!
I added another collage to The Gallery.
Saturday, February 19, 2005
Life Update
Not sure exactly why but this past week felt kind of odd. Not that it really was odd or anything...it just feels that way. I guess it was kind of off on our normal schedule - or more like semi-normal schedules.
Monday - The Holiday...which was great!
Tuesday - My period hit me hard so I was pretty much out of it all day.
Wednesday - I asked Master if I could go back to bed after He left for work. He allowed it and told me He would call to get me up to get ready to go to lunch with Him. So we went to lunch and then He brought me to the toy store also. Daddy let me pick out a Groovy Girl outfit. The outfit has cool bell bottom paints and a leopard print hat with a kind of frilly tank top. After Master headed back to work, I then spent the rest of the afternoon cleaning and doing a few odds-n-ends online.
Thursday - Master was out of town for the day. I was busy cleaning, doing laundry and then playing with photoshop.
Friday - We slept in since Master got back very late (early in the morning). And I spent the afternoon doing some chores and also tackled some art...but felt very sluggish.
Today Master had to work some in the morning and I got to sleep in again. I got some house stuff done by the time He came home though. We basically spent the day lounging and vegging...we watched movies.
So this week I have been a slug...I guess is how it feels even though when I think about it I can think of lots of stuff I did this week.
Monday - The Holiday...which was great!
Tuesday - My period hit me hard so I was pretty much out of it all day.
Wednesday - I asked Master if I could go back to bed after He left for work. He allowed it and told me He would call to get me up to get ready to go to lunch with Him. So we went to lunch and then He brought me to the toy store also. Daddy let me pick out a Groovy Girl outfit. The outfit has cool bell bottom paints and a leopard print hat with a kind of frilly tank top. After Master headed back to work, I then spent the rest of the afternoon cleaning and doing a few odds-n-ends online.
Thursday - Master was out of town for the day. I was busy cleaning, doing laundry and then playing with photoshop.
Friday - We slept in since Master got back very late (early in the morning). And I spent the afternoon doing some chores and also tackled some art...but felt very sluggish.
Today Master had to work some in the morning and I got to sleep in again. I got some house stuff done by the time He came home though. We basically spent the day lounging and vegging...we watched movies.
So this week I have been a slug...I guess is how it feels even though when I think about it I can think of lots of stuff I did this week.
Thursday, February 17, 2005
Free Magazines
Here are several urls to free magazine offers...no bill, no purchase nessary, no credit card required.
I love magazines and so I get lots of offers for free ones so thought I would pass these ones around since I had such a big list of them right now.
Maxim Magazine (2yr sub)
http://www.twwservices.com/maxim.php
Stuff Magazine (2yr sub)
http://www.twwservices.com/stuff.php
Dance - http://www.magazine-city.net/dance/dance.asp
Life Extensions - http://www.magazine-city.net/lifeextension/lifeextension.asp (tiny url: http://tinyurl.com/js0n)
Relix - only good in some states -
http://www.magazine-city.net/relix/relix.asp
Music Tracks - http://www.TowerRecords.com/tracks/default.asp?
Lego Kids - (2 year)
http://club.lego.com/eng/magazine/subscription.asp
The New York Observer -
http://www.freebizmag.com/emailnewyork01welcome.htm
Antique Magazine -
http://www.freebizmag.com/antiquesad03welcome.htm
Money Magazine -
http://800forfunds.com/offer.html
Bicycling Magazine (1 year sub)
http://www.freebizmag.com/bicyclingad03welcome.htm
Budget Living Magazine
http://www.freebizmag.com/snapfishbudget01welcome.htm
Caribbean Adventure Magazine (1 yr sub)
http://www.caribbeanadventure.com/subscribe.htm
Wine Enthusiast Magazine (1 year sub)
http://www.freebizmag.com/wineenthusiastad03welcome.htm
Muscle Car News Magazine (1 year sub)
http://www.musclecarnews.com/magsub.php
Travel America Magazine (1 year sub)
www.freebizmag.com/emailtravel01welcome.htm
Go Boating Magazine (1 yr sub)
http://www.boatowners.com/goboatingnew.htm
American Baby Magazine (1 year sub)
https://secure.americanbaby.com/bhg...rsrc=webclients
Travel America Magazine (1 year sub)
www.freebizmag.com/emailtravel01welcome.htm
Scuba Diving Magazine (1yr)
http://www.freebizmag.com/emailscubadiving01welcome.htm
Estylo Magazine (1yr sub)
http://www.freebizmag.com/emailestylomag01welcome.htm
NEW CE Lifestyles (6mth sub)
http://www.freebizmag.com/emailcesix01welcome.htm
GIANT - http://a388.g.akamai.net/7/388/1603/0001/www.freebizmag.com/emailgiantmag01welcome.htm
SPA Finder - http://a388.g.akamai.net/7/388/1603/0001/www.freebizmag.com/emaillsf01welcome.htm
Hollywood Life - http://a388.g.akamai.net/7/388/1603/0001/www.freebizmag.com/emailmhlife03welcome.htm
I love magazines and so I get lots of offers for free ones so thought I would pass these ones around since I had such a big list of them right now.
Maxim Magazine (2yr sub)
http://www.twwservices.com/maxim.php
Stuff Magazine (2yr sub)
http://www.twwservices.com/stuff.php
Dance - http://www.magazine-city.net/dance/dance.asp
Life Extensions - http://www.magazine-city.net/lifeextension/lifeextension.asp (tiny url: http://tinyurl.com/js0n)
Relix - only good in some states -
http://www.magazine-city.net/relix/relix.asp
Music Tracks - http://www.TowerRecords.com/tracks/default.asp?
Lego Kids - (2 year)
http://club.lego.com/eng/magazine/subscription.asp
The New York Observer -
http://www.freebizmag.com/emailnewyork01welcome.htm
Antique Magazine -
http://www.freebizmag.com/antiquesad03welcome.htm
Money Magazine -
http://800forfunds.com/offer.html
Bicycling Magazine (1 year sub)
http://www.freebizmag.com/bicyclingad03welcome.htm
Budget Living Magazine
http://www.freebizmag.com/snapfishbudget01welcome.htm
Caribbean Adventure Magazine (1 yr sub)
http://www.caribbeanadventure.com/subscribe.htm
Wine Enthusiast Magazine (1 year sub)
http://www.freebizmag.com/wineenthusiastad03welcome.htm
Muscle Car News Magazine (1 year sub)
http://www.musclecarnews.com/magsub.php
Travel America Magazine (1 year sub)
www.freebizmag.com/emailtravel01welcome.htm
Go Boating Magazine (1 yr sub)
http://www.boatowners.com/goboatingnew.htm
American Baby Magazine (1 year sub)
https://secure.americanbaby.com/bhg...rsrc=webclients
Travel America Magazine (1 year sub)
www.freebizmag.com/emailtravel01welcome.htm
Scuba Diving Magazine (1yr)
http://www.freebizmag.com/emailscubadiving01welcome.htm
Estylo Magazine (1yr sub)
http://www.freebizmag.com/emailestylomag01welcome.htm
NEW CE Lifestyles (6mth sub)
http://www.freebizmag.com/emailcesix01welcome.htm
GIANT - http://a388.g.akamai.net/7/388/1603/0001/www.freebizmag.com/emailgiantmag01welcome.htm
SPA Finder - http://a388.g.akamai.net/7/388/1603/0001/www.freebizmag.com/emaillsf01welcome.htm
Hollywood Life - http://a388.g.akamai.net/7/388/1603/0001/www.freebizmag.com/emailmhlife03welcome.htm
Tuesday, February 15, 2005
Valentines Book
Okay here is the book that I made Master for Valentine's Day. I made it to go with a mix CD for Him. The CD had 17 songs and then I picked the lyrics that reminded me of Him and I and printed them up and then did collages around the lyrics.
Feel free to look at all the pictures of the Valentine Book. You can click on each layout to find out what I used in each collage.
This first one is of course the cover.
These are the pages before I bound them together.
Clocks by Coldplay.
I'll See You Through by Texas
Feels Like Home by Chantal Kreviazuk
Someone Like You by Van Morrison
Feel free to look at all the pictures of the Valentine Book. You can click on each layout to find out what I used in each collage.
This first one is of course the cover.
These are the pages before I bound them together.
Clocks by Coldplay.
I'll See You Through by Texas
Feels Like Home by Chantal Kreviazuk
Someone Like You by Van Morrison
Monday, February 14, 2005
Valentine's Day!
Happy Valentine's Day...a little late in the day but I hope everyone had a great Valentine's Day!
My Mother loves all holidays but Christmas is her favorite followed up by Valentine's Day. My Mom always always gave us cards and gifts on Valentine's. It is the holiday of love. And she wants those that she love to know she loves them. Even my Dad would always when we were growing up give us gifts he picked out himself. That was the only holiday we got something just from Dad.
I remember loving to decorate the Valentine's boxes at school so that kids could stuff it with Valentine's. MAybe that is where my love making collages came from...decorating Valentine's boxes.
So our day was very nice!
The day started out with cinnamon rolls before Master had to head to work. And a quick spanking. Yum!
After Master left for work, I finished up a project that I have been working on for Him for V-day. Last week He stayed home several days and I got behind on things so I got behind on the project...thus having to finish it up on V-day! It was very time intensive but so well worth it.
Master gave me chocolates and then a card with 42 little hello kitty valentine's in them each with a reason or thing He loves me! It was so wonderful!
I made a CD with 17 songs on it and then for each song I did a collage....pictures coming next post...maybe just a link to them...as there are so many!
Master had to work late so we ended up going to dinner a little later, but it turned out probably to be good as we did not have to wait at all. We went to the same place we did 2 years ago. After dinner we had warm winter drinks, I had one that was named with my real name.... d ---- delight. And Master said it certainly was a delight -- just like me!
I got all dressed up....did gold make-up - gold eye shadow, a little gold dust for blush and sparkle, gold liquid eye liner, and then did a very deep pretty lipstick that was given to me as a gift by a wonderful man. I did that with some gold gloss on top of it. Then I dressed all girly girly sexy...thigh highs, satin garter belt, red satin bra and panties, silky skirt, and velvet top, .....with a chain and locked collar. I love the strong contrast of the chain and locked collar with the girly girly clothing.
Anyway, we had a wonderful evening of dinner and then enjoying each others company. Master and I had such long passionate kisses tonight...the ones that make me feel beautiful and loved. I am a very lucky girl!
Thursday, February 10, 2005
Different kinds of submission...
So let me start with this story...
I know a submissive that needed to do some laundry. Her and her dominant did not live together. So she went over to his home to do her laundry. This became a regular event. As she did her laundry, if he had a load of laundry in the dryer she would take his pile out and put it on the bed....in a large crumpled pile. All during this time, she did not think to fold his clothes, towels and sheets while she was waiting for her laundry to finish. She would do nothing but her laundry, hang out online while his laundry remained untouched.
She was not thinking of him. She was not of the mindset that she needed an order or be told to fold his laundry - infact she probably would have resented being ordered to do so. It did not cross her mind to help him out domestically or to serve him domestically. She's the type that would get aroused if the act made her hot and feel controlled.....and it ended with SM or sex. I would say that her submission was control oriented.
I recalled this situation during a recent online e-list thread where they were talking about some different types of submission...control oriented, obedience oriented and service oriented.
Take an everyday task....such as cleaning the toilet....
Control Oriented - the dominant perhaps creating something around it to make the submissive crave to do clean the toilet. Such as wearing a vibrating egg while cleaning the toilet or something similar.
Obedience Oriented - the dominant telling the submissive to clean the toilet and the submissive does it - a command and followed up with obedience from the submissive.
Service Oriented - the toilet needs to be cleaned and the submissive knows this will be of service to the dominant so she does it.
Okay I can see these all to a point...
I once lived in a poly household and several "slaves" in the household would -wait- until told to do almost anything and everything. And it was a pet peeve of mine. Because the laundry and dishes would stack up and up unless the dominant told them to do them. Their view was I am submissive and don't do anything unless I am commanded to do something. It irritated me. I always questioned that before they were in the house and not in a formal D/s relationship did they wait until someone told them to do their laundry. Or was it just an easy excuse to use to be lazy.
Which brings me to the next thing....is it really service if I am doing something I would do anyway. I get a little confused on this one at times. If I was not owned I would be cleaning the toilet without being commanded to, controlled or as a service to someone. So I would clean the toilet no matter it helped Master out or not....it needs cleaned period. That being said. I do know that the days I don't feel like doing it....it gets done because I am Master's slave and feel it is part of my duties. If I was living on my own and did not feel like cleaning the toilet one day it might be put off until the next. So, speaking from the view I do it even when I don't want to then I guess I feel I am being of service.
I know I am service oriented. I try to be of service to Master and enhance His life. I do as I am told to so I am obedience oriented. Also we have protocols in place that I obey. But I really am not sure if I am control oriented anymore unless it has to do with sex..having sex controlled.
It used to make me all hot to think of being told to do something very sexual while doing something mundane. But now I mean if Master ordered me to wear a vibrating egg while cleaning the toilet I would obey, but I doubt a lot that it would do anything for me. If though He had me going sexually on edge for a long period time then I am sure the vibrating egg would turn me on...so again it goes back to sex being controlled for me.
I had a friend tell me once about her dominant made her eat a bowl full of brussel sprouts because she hated them. And it made her hot that he made her eat them all. But it would have totally annoyed me. As I said before outwardly I would obey but inwardly I would not be a happy camper.
I have always been service oriented. I have always thought of what can I do to enhance Master's life and be of service to him. And with my previous dominants I did the same...but I do have to say not to the degree I do with Master. And some service oriented tasks I do for Master make me hot. I remember when I first moved here just cleaning Master's toilet made me hot because I was happy to even have the privilege of serving Him. But now it is just another household duty that just needs to be done. I do feel it is privilege to be Master's slave and I enjoy serving Him, but the individual mundane everyday tasks do not seem like a privilege anymore and also don't make me hot. So again stressing I do know and feel it is privilege to be Master's slave.
There are other things I have done that made me hot.....example.....Master had something for work to do in September. He had been working on it a lot of the weekend. And He was just burnt out. I asked if there was anything I could do to help and there was a task I could help out with...lots of just cutting and pasting in a document. So He left me to do that while He watched football and I got wet and turned on that I was doing this mundane task while He relaxed.
In the past, I desired the D/s to drive me into the service more often then I do now. Meaning I liked when the Dominant dominated me actively and that inspired me to serve more. Now I just enjoy serving Master - period.
I know a submissive that needed to do some laundry. Her and her dominant did not live together. So she went over to his home to do her laundry. This became a regular event. As she did her laundry, if he had a load of laundry in the dryer she would take his pile out and put it on the bed....in a large crumpled pile. All during this time, she did not think to fold his clothes, towels and sheets while she was waiting for her laundry to finish. She would do nothing but her laundry, hang out online while his laundry remained untouched.
She was not thinking of him. She was not of the mindset that she needed an order or be told to fold his laundry - infact she probably would have resented being ordered to do so. It did not cross her mind to help him out domestically or to serve him domestically. She's the type that would get aroused if the act made her hot and feel controlled.....and it ended with SM or sex. I would say that her submission was control oriented.
I recalled this situation during a recent online e-list thread where they were talking about some different types of submission...control oriented, obedience oriented and service oriented.
Take an everyday task....such as cleaning the toilet....
Control Oriented - the dominant perhaps creating something around it to make the submissive crave to do clean the toilet. Such as wearing a vibrating egg while cleaning the toilet or something similar.
Obedience Oriented - the dominant telling the submissive to clean the toilet and the submissive does it - a command and followed up with obedience from the submissive.
Service Oriented - the toilet needs to be cleaned and the submissive knows this will be of service to the dominant so she does it.
Okay I can see these all to a point...
I once lived in a poly household and several "slaves" in the household would -wait- until told to do almost anything and everything. And it was a pet peeve of mine. Because the laundry and dishes would stack up and up unless the dominant told them to do them. Their view was I am submissive and don't do anything unless I am commanded to do something. It irritated me. I always questioned that before they were in the house and not in a formal D/s relationship did they wait until someone told them to do their laundry. Or was it just an easy excuse to use to be lazy.
Which brings me to the next thing....is it really service if I am doing something I would do anyway. I get a little confused on this one at times. If I was not owned I would be cleaning the toilet without being commanded to, controlled or as a service to someone. So I would clean the toilet no matter it helped Master out or not....it needs cleaned period. That being said. I do know that the days I don't feel like doing it....it gets done because I am Master's slave and feel it is part of my duties. If I was living on my own and did not feel like cleaning the toilet one day it might be put off until the next. So, speaking from the view I do it even when I don't want to then I guess I feel I am being of service.
I know I am service oriented. I try to be of service to Master and enhance His life. I do as I am told to so I am obedience oriented. Also we have protocols in place that I obey. But I really am not sure if I am control oriented anymore unless it has to do with sex..having sex controlled.
It used to make me all hot to think of being told to do something very sexual while doing something mundane. But now I mean if Master ordered me to wear a vibrating egg while cleaning the toilet I would obey, but I doubt a lot that it would do anything for me. If though He had me going sexually on edge for a long period time then I am sure the vibrating egg would turn me on...so again it goes back to sex being controlled for me.
I had a friend tell me once about her dominant made her eat a bowl full of brussel sprouts because she hated them. And it made her hot that he made her eat them all. But it would have totally annoyed me. As I said before outwardly I would obey but inwardly I would not be a happy camper.
I have always been service oriented. I have always thought of what can I do to enhance Master's life and be of service to him. And with my previous dominants I did the same...but I do have to say not to the degree I do with Master. And some service oriented tasks I do for Master make me hot. I remember when I first moved here just cleaning Master's toilet made me hot because I was happy to even have the privilege of serving Him. But now it is just another household duty that just needs to be done. I do feel it is privilege to be Master's slave and I enjoy serving Him, but the individual mundane everyday tasks do not seem like a privilege anymore and also don't make me hot. So again stressing I do know and feel it is privilege to be Master's slave.
There are other things I have done that made me hot.....example.....Master had something for work to do in September. He had been working on it a lot of the weekend. And He was just burnt out. I asked if there was anything I could do to help and there was a task I could help out with...lots of just cutting and pasting in a document. So He left me to do that while He watched football and I got wet and turned on that I was doing this mundane task while He relaxed.
In the past, I desired the D/s to drive me into the service more often then I do now. Meaning I liked when the Dominant dominated me actively and that inspired me to serve more. Now I just enjoy serving Master - period.
Wednesday, February 09, 2005
Links! Links and More Links!
CBS Top 10 Super Bowl Commercials
Paper Doll Heaven - Daddy found this one for me. It is a celebrity virtual paper doll site.
Make Virtual Snowflakes
the wurst gallery - they take thrift store painting/art finds and make them into something else.
Cool Commercial - mixing old and new
Book Fetish
Smack the Penguin
Axe Feather - Familar with the Burger King Chicken...this is similar
Paper Doll Heaven - Daddy found this one for me. It is a celebrity virtual paper doll site.
Make Virtual Snowflakes
the wurst gallery - they take thrift store painting/art finds and make them into something else.
Cool Commercial - mixing old and new
Book Fetish
Smack the Penguin
Axe Feather - Familar with the Burger King Chicken...this is similar
Monday, February 07, 2005
Life Update
Saturday was kind of a busy day of just lots of odds-n-ends to do. We got all our tax information together. I spent the rest of the day cleaning and baking. I made homemade Amaretto bread so that I could make Amaretto French Toast for Sunday morning brunch. I then made a really good cake...the recipe coming from my favorite girlie. It is a really rich cake, but delicious.
I made that for Super Bowl Sunday. We went to a friends house yesterday afternoon/evening. The couple is very nice and I enjoy spending time with them. She is an artist too so we get along well. Her and I even did some creating while there.
I started my Sunday not feeling well. And Master ended the day not feeling well. Although we had a nice time at our friends eating good food, talking and hanging out.
This morning I woke up with a migraine on top of whatever else I have going on. I am taking airborne -- so hopefully the flu/cold symptoms won't get any worse. So I just am feeling blah today even though I have several things I need to be doing. I think I am going to sign off though and grab my sketchbook while waiting for Master to get home.
If we sign online tonight, I might try to answer a few more questions.
I made that for Super Bowl Sunday. We went to a friends house yesterday afternoon/evening. The couple is very nice and I enjoy spending time with them. She is an artist too so we get along well. Her and I even did some creating while there.
I started my Sunday not feeling well. And Master ended the day not feeling well. Although we had a nice time at our friends eating good food, talking and hanging out.
This morning I woke up with a migraine on top of whatever else I have going on. I am taking airborne -- so hopefully the flu/cold symptoms won't get any worse. So I just am feeling blah today even though I have several things I need to be doing. I think I am going to sign off though and grab my sketchbook while waiting for Master to get home.
If we sign online tonight, I might try to answer a few more questions.
Friday, February 04, 2005
Life Update
I tried to post this last night and of course the cable went out just then and so that meant no internet. I hate when that happens. Lately it has been happening quite a bit too.
Anyway....
Things here are fine...
We had a nice weekend! And then it did not end there Master and I had a nice day on Tuesday also...our actual anniversary. Master spoiled His girl with art supplies! I am a very lucky girl! He also woke me up singing along to the cd He made me...He was singing with the Little River Band...Happy Anniversary Baby. All day long when He would call me He would sing it. It was nice and cute!
I am really just starting not to have insomnia as bad (but it still is here). I have a lot of little things going on so I have been busy with other things and not online much. I owe several people some emails and will get to you soon.
I have a couple posts almost ready to go that are still answering some questions. I hope to be posting a few pictures of some art I am working on...I have the collage bug so have been trying my hand at that again.
Things for myself to note....and do...
- Look how to clean rubber stamps
- Looking for some metal containers for cds (like the ones that come when aol sends you a free on - of course I never thought of what to do with them I threw them away and now that I want one I can't find them)
- work on website stuff - for one that I am being hired for and ours...I am in the middle of a redesign of course won't be uploaded until all complete.
- make bread
- catch up on emails soon
I had quite a few people recommend a series by Jaqueline Carey....and Master bought me the first book Kushiel's Dart. I have not started it yet as I am finishing up Laurell K. Hamilton's Incubus Dreams. I started it around my birthday but then got busy and did not pick it up again until just recently. I am trying to savor it and not read it so fast because what usually happens when I read her books is that I miss them when I am done...and wish I had not read it so fast. So this time I am purposely not reading it fast....allowing myself only so many pages per sitting. I know I am weird.
Just pulled 3 Osho Zen Tarot cards...Celebration, Intensity and then Schizophrenia (which is not as bad as it sounds)...
Just a little about each card...
Celebration: I love image on this card. It reminds me of the 3 Graces....but these ones are clothed and dancing in the rain, "When you chose this card, it indicates that you are becoming more and more available and open to many opportunities that are to celebrate life and to spread this to others."
Intensity: "When you act with the intensity....it is likely to create ripples in the waters around you. Some will feel uplifted and refreshed, others may feel threatened or annoyed. But the opinions of others matter little; nothing can hold you back right now."
Schizophrenia: "This card brings a new twist to the old idea of 'getting stuck between a rock and a hard place.' .....stuck in the indecisive and dualistic aspects of the mind. ....The Only way to of this dilemma is, unfortunately to let go of both at once. You can't work your way out of this one by solving it, making lists of pros and cons or any way working it out in your mind. Better to follow your heart."
The first 2 cards made sense to me but the third card did not, but that might be something that is coming and that is why it does not make sense now.
I just asked Master if He wanted 3 cards...so He shuffled and cut the deck how I like to do it....and He pulled: Schizophrenia, Creativity, The Fool.
Anyway....
Things here are fine...
We had a nice weekend! And then it did not end there Master and I had a nice day on Tuesday also...our actual anniversary. Master spoiled His girl with art supplies! I am a very lucky girl! He also woke me up singing along to the cd He made me...He was singing with the Little River Band...Happy Anniversary Baby. All day long when He would call me He would sing it. It was nice and cute!
I am really just starting not to have insomnia as bad (but it still is here). I have a lot of little things going on so I have been busy with other things and not online much. I owe several people some emails and will get to you soon.
I have a couple posts almost ready to go that are still answering some questions. I hope to be posting a few pictures of some art I am working on...I have the collage bug so have been trying my hand at that again.
Things for myself to note....and do...
- Look how to clean rubber stamps
- Looking for some metal containers for cds (like the ones that come when aol sends you a free on - of course I never thought of what to do with them I threw them away and now that I want one I can't find them)
- work on website stuff - for one that I am being hired for and ours...I am in the middle of a redesign of course won't be uploaded until all complete.
- make bread
- catch up on emails soon
I had quite a few people recommend a series by Jaqueline Carey....and Master bought me the first book Kushiel's Dart. I have not started it yet as I am finishing up Laurell K. Hamilton's Incubus Dreams. I started it around my birthday but then got busy and did not pick it up again until just recently. I am trying to savor it and not read it so fast because what usually happens when I read her books is that I miss them when I am done...and wish I had not read it so fast. So this time I am purposely not reading it fast....allowing myself only so many pages per sitting. I know I am weird.
Just pulled 3 Osho Zen Tarot cards...Celebration, Intensity and then Schizophrenia (which is not as bad as it sounds)...
Just a little about each card...
Celebration: I love image on this card. It reminds me of the 3 Graces....but these ones are clothed and dancing in the rain, "When you chose this card, it indicates that you are becoming more and more available and open to many opportunities that are to celebrate life and to spread this to others."
Intensity: "When you act with the intensity....it is likely to create ripples in the waters around you. Some will feel uplifted and refreshed, others may feel threatened or annoyed. But the opinions of others matter little; nothing can hold you back right now."
Schizophrenia: "This card brings a new twist to the old idea of 'getting stuck between a rock and a hard place.' .....stuck in the indecisive and dualistic aspects of the mind. ....The Only way to of this dilemma is, unfortunately to let go of both at once. You can't work your way out of this one by solving it, making lists of pros and cons or any way working it out in your mind. Better to follow your heart."
The first 2 cards made sense to me but the third card did not, but that might be something that is coming and that is why it does not make sense now.
I just asked Master if He wanted 3 cards...so He shuffled and cut the deck how I like to do it....and He pulled: Schizophrenia, Creativity, The Fool.
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