So let me start with this story...
I know a submissive that needed to do some laundry. Her and her dominant did not live together. So she went over to his home to do her laundry. This became a regular event. As she did her laundry, if he had a load of laundry in the dryer she would take his pile out and put it on the bed....in a large crumpled pile. All during this time, she did not think to fold his clothes, towels and sheets while she was waiting for her laundry to finish. She would do nothing but her laundry, hang out online while his laundry remained untouched.
She was not thinking of him. She was not of the mindset that she needed an order or be told to fold his laundry - infact she probably would have resented being ordered to do so. It did not cross her mind to help him out domestically or to serve him domestically. She's the type that would get aroused if the act made her hot and feel controlled.....and it ended with SM or sex. I would say that her submission was control oriented.
I recalled this situation during a recent online e-list thread where they were talking about some different types of submission...control oriented, obedience oriented and service oriented.
Take an everyday task....such as cleaning the toilet....
Control Oriented - the dominant perhaps creating something around it to make the submissive crave to do clean the toilet. Such as wearing a vibrating egg while cleaning the toilet or something similar.
Obedience Oriented - the dominant telling the submissive to clean the toilet and the submissive does it - a command and followed up with obedience from the submissive.
Service Oriented - the toilet needs to be cleaned and the submissive knows this will be of service to the dominant so she does it.
Okay I can see these all to a point...
I once lived in a poly household and several "slaves" in the household would -wait- until told to do almost anything and everything. And it was a pet peeve of mine. Because the laundry and dishes would stack up and up unless the dominant told them to do them. Their view was I am submissive and don't do anything unless I am commanded to do something. It irritated me. I always questioned that before they were in the house and not in a formal D/s relationship did they wait until someone told them to do their laundry. Or was it just an easy excuse to use to be lazy.
Which brings me to the next thing....is it really service if I am doing something I would do anyway. I get a little confused on this one at times. If I was not owned I would be cleaning the toilet without being commanded to, controlled or as a service to someone. So I would clean the toilet no matter it helped Master out or not....it needs cleaned period. That being said. I do know that the days I don't feel like doing it....it gets done because I am Master's slave and feel it is part of my duties. If I was living on my own and did not feel like cleaning the toilet one day it might be put off until the next. So, speaking from the view I do it even when I don't want to then I guess I feel I am being of service.
I know I am service oriented. I try to be of service to Master and enhance His life. I do as I am told to so I am obedience oriented. Also we have protocols in place that I obey. But I really am not sure if I am control oriented anymore unless it has to do with sex..having sex controlled.
It used to make me all hot to think of being told to do something very sexual while doing something mundane. But now I mean if Master ordered me to wear a vibrating egg while cleaning the toilet I would obey, but I doubt a lot that it would do anything for me. If though He had me going sexually on edge for a long period time then I am sure the vibrating egg would turn me on...so again it goes back to sex being controlled for me.
I had a friend tell me once about her dominant made her eat a bowl full of brussel sprouts because she hated them. And it made her hot that he made her eat them all. But it would have totally annoyed me. As I said before outwardly I would obey but inwardly I would not be a happy camper.
I have always been service oriented. I have always thought of what can I do to enhance Master's life and be of service to him. And with my previous dominants I did the same...but I do have to say not to the degree I do with Master. And some service oriented tasks I do for Master make me hot. I remember when I first moved here just cleaning Master's toilet made me hot because I was happy to even have the privilege of serving Him. But now it is just another household duty that just needs to be done. I do feel it is privilege to be Master's slave and I enjoy serving Him, but the individual mundane everyday tasks do not seem like a privilege anymore and also don't make me hot. So again stressing I do know and feel it is privilege to be Master's slave.
There are other things I have done that made me hot.....example.....Master had something for work to do in September. He had been working on it a lot of the weekend. And He was just burnt out. I asked if there was anything I could do to help and there was a task I could help out with...lots of just cutting and pasting in a document. So He left me to do that while He watched football and I got wet and turned on that I was doing this mundane task while He relaxed.
In the past, I desired the D/s to drive me into the service more often then I do now. Meaning I liked when the Dominant dominated me actively and that inspired me to serve more. Now I just enjoy serving Master - period.
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