Part 3 of Servant's Retreat: Boundaries

Because there was such a wide range of experience levels from the people attending Saturday was a little slow for me. As it covered a lot on issues - self esteem issues particularly - and I have already went through, dealt with and been done with for quite some time. So my comment on my quickie blog after the weekend where I mention that "I realized this weekend I have grown a lot in knowing myself and I think I had not realized the extent of it until this weekend" is because I realized after she was mapping out all these issues and solutions that I have already gone through -- that wow that was a lot work! And so it was nice to be able to see that in a more black and white perspective.

Catherine did handouts with questions on them to help gain more insights to each persons personal issues. During her talk on self-esteem and submission there were a few things that sparked some thoughts.

She was talking about boundaries and at first I kept equating that to bdsm limits. But then I got it or saw it differently. Personal boundaries are different from limits. Personal boundaries are what we have in place to function...to function emotionally, physically...mentally....just to function in life. She was stating that before someone gets into a relationship they need to know where their personal boundaries are at and which ones are needed to help the relationship function. Boundaries aren't really boundaries to me in that light - they are just being who you are...this is who I am....the good the bad and the ugly is all here and either someone wants me this way or not. (luckily Master wants me this way).

So when finding a partner she was saying you need to be clear on your boundaries. And I do get that but I also think boundaries can change. And so although my boundaries might be have been one way when I entered the relationship --- I feel I am growing in different directions. There are things I could not have handled before this relationship -- such as someone touching my feet -- but Master and my doctor have been able to touch, hold, even rub my feet without me flinching and tensing up. I don't have internal panic that I once did. But Master was clear that I did freak out when my feet were touched before we entered a relationship. But he is now able to touch my feet - so was that something needed to function in the relationship? I am not sure. I mean I picture M, the sadist, trying to touch my feet and I know I would have freaked out and he would not have stopped. In fact, it would have made him want to touch them more. So if I broke down and became incoherent, he would have acknowledged it but still be turned on that it freaked me out so kept going. I can't say that it is something I needed to function in the relationship but I also can't say that I am glad Master did not touch my feet in a way that freaked me out. And I also know if I became too freaked out he would stop. He likes to be sadistic but he likes to be in control of what it is going to do and have happen to me - so freaking out does not allow him to control the situation.

So to me it comes down to compatibility. If we mesh together then I will be able to function and He will too and the relationship grows and changes. But hopefully since we are very strong in our faith of the relationship and our journey -- that we will grown and change together in ways that just make our relationship better or stronger.

Next: Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs - which really needs to be its own post as I believe it is going to be a long one. (already started it gang and working on it at the moment so hopefully I get to post it by the end of today)