Swimming Through It

I was looking at Alphaslave and there is a picture of a girl with her head in a box and then being pushed into a bathtub. I have had several experiences with SM & the bathtub. My first experience was with Don long long ago (scroll down to the asterisk - it starts under those). That experience left me very confused with him but I didn't leave him.

But that experience didn't make me shy away from SM combined with water and the bathtub. And I did experience it a few more times. Once being with someone I have talked about before. He ran the tub with just a little cold water. And had me lay down in the tub. He then got on top of me knees pressing into my shoulders...legs trapping my arms flat down so I couldn't move them. And then he turned the water on...and let it start covering me...my head was under the spout just a bit. He let me raise and tilt my head as much as I could - for a bit - sputtering for air. But then he pushed me under. And hold me there. I would struggle but I couldn't really move. He would pull me up just when I thought my lungs couldn't take anymore. He would laugh, spit, say dirty degrading things, slap me and then push me under again. Over and over this happened. I am not sure how long. He let some of the water out....and then left a cold trickle of water run..on my head. He just sat there and watched me react - shiver, struggle....I would start to speak and he would slap me. He finally shoved a washcloth in my mouth and jerked off on me. He told me to stay and he got out dried off. I didn't move I wasn't in bondage...but i didn't move...i knew better. He got me out eventually. It felt of course like I had been there for hours. I was chattering and shivering. He had the air on in the room so cold too. The whole thing from holding me under the water to just having my lie with cold water running - cold air on my bare skin - made my mind spin. I thought any moment I am going to lose it if this doesn't stop. Of course I didn't lose it not in the way I thought - I thought I was going to break. But I didn't.

It was total loss of control when he was on me pushing me down. And then when he had me lie there - the mental bondage and emotional masochism. I knew him well enough to know that if I moved what had just happened would be ramped up 10 times harsher. But I think of it now and still remember the rush. And I remember the feelings after everything. Just so satisfied...that so many pieces of me were touched that usually weren't.