Over on one of the FetLife groups there is the age old question: do you need love to submit.
I think way back to Don and I didn't love him. I felt devotion that was driven by lust from the idea of submission and SM. But I didn't love him and I didn't trust him. From the first moment with him I knew there was something I shouldn't trust about him but it didn't stop me from jumping in. I was enthralled with the feelings that he brought out in me. It wasn't love though.
Then with my ex-husband I introduced D/s to him and it freaked him. But love came before the D/s. Maybe love caused problems for him because he often said that because he loves me he shouldn't want to do the things he did to me.
Okay so then the relationships up to being Master's....
First one after my husband -- it was enthrallment as it was my first time pursuing D/s and SM fully after my marriage so it was that sub frenzy thing going on where I just wanted to experience it all. My cunt was guiding me to submit not love.
And really I have to say all my relationships since - the D/s and M/s has come before love has come into the relationship. My relationship right before Master wasn't about love at all. The man didn't even really care for me other then that I submit that is all that mattered to him. And it was a very pure form M/s for me. There wasn't love mixed in so there wasn't really emotions mixing up my submission. It made it easier for me to submit actually.
After MC, I met Master and I desired to be his property and serve him before we loved each other. I do love him and he loves me. And on top of that we were romantic types....we like to hold hands, snuggle and kiss. We like candlelight dinners and leaving each other little love notes. It was nice to be with someone who was romantic because I hadn't had romance in my life in a long time.
The over all thing I notice in my relationships (serious and and long term relationships) is that I submit before I love the person. I might care for them, I might feel lust for them but not love when I first submit. I think love, affection and emotional attachment grows over time. I think it is normal state that comes from the devotion and dedication I have as a slave serving. I would say I desire love for long term relationships but what I need more is the dynamic to be in place and feel my sense of devotion to being property and a slave before love enters the relationship.
Master and I wouldn't be in this relationship together if we didn't have the type of dynamic we do. If he or I wanted to stop the D/s and M/s, then we would most likely "break-up" despite loving each other. We need the dynamic that is how we work.