Grown Women Playing with Dolls

So I was looking through stats and found that a German blog was linking to my Daddy's Princess post. Basically the post was saying they don't understand grown women playing with dolls and coloring. That kind of made me sad.

Because although I feel like I just naturally have this little girl in me that wants to play. I just think grown women who don't have a little would still have fun playing.

Master's Mom is not a "little girl" she is a old woman with grandkids, but she likes to color. My Mom when she was here for my birthday went to the playground to swing with me. A friend of mine likes to jump rope and skip but she is an adult woman and not even aware of this type of lifestyle. It is fun to let loose and just play. Grab some markers, construction paper and stickers and create. To go back to those innocent days of make believe - by playing with paper dolls or barbies. To make forts in the living room with blankets and hang stars inside it. To make truck paths on the living room floor for little matchbox cars. To paint a picture of a sunny day and bright colored flowers. To get lost in a wonderful children's storybook.

I enjoy paper dolls, coloring books and crayons, construction paper, glitter, markers, stickers, blowing bubbles, groovy girls, stuffed animals, swinging, watching Disney movies, reading children's story books and I hope that I always allow myself to play and have fun! Sometimes we need to reclaim those innocent moments - even for just a second - to feel how we felt when we were young. That's why I feel sad for that person's blog because I believe it means that innocence is lost.

Naughty Tops...Oh no I mean...Naughty Shirts!

My friend Princess Mandy just shared this website found....Locher.com -- they have lovely tops with naughty embroidery on them!

Hot!

Because I like to pimp good things....

Carrie Ann and her Owner have started selling video clips and well....they play hard and they will make you breath heavy and get all hot and bothered!

Maintaining Our Dynamic in Public Settings

One of the questions that I get asked quite a bit how do we maintain protocols and relationship dynamic in front of others.

Last week we were out of town and we were around many vanilla people but as I mentioned in other posts we were around friends who are in the lifestyle. And it occurred to me that not even our lifestyle friends probably noticed that I asked permission of several things while with them. I did it all without saying anything. It was just my eyes and hand gestures. And Master nodded to them.

We are so used to being around non-lifestyle people that our way of doing it has become almost invisible or at least subtle enough that I don't think it is usually recognized. We don't get many looks for some things that we do in public. I walk on Master's right side about a half a step behind (and that is because he is hard of hearing so likes me in a place he can hear me). He orders for me in restaurants.** And most of the time people just think he is being "gentlemanly." I don't carry a purse anymore with him - he keeps my id with him in his wallet. So if I want something I have to ask permission and most people see I am not carrying a purse so understand why I am asking. I don't eat without permission even in vanilla settings he just gives me a head nod when I can eat. I can't leave his presence without "telling" him. I put telling in quotes because at home I ask permission in public vanilla settings I say I was thinking of getting a diet coke would anyone like one? That way I am informing Master and he usually gives me a little nod as permission And he has said no in public in a way that is subtle enough no one knew. I asked for diet coke and he said, "we are going to have soda with dinner." And that was my queue that I shouldn't have one then. So there are ways we keep our normal everyday life out in public settings.


** This has variations to it -- for the most part I don't open a menu or order for myself. When we haven't been to a restaurant before Master just finds it easier if I look at the menu, pick out what I want and order it. I still need permission though even in that setting to open the menu because there has been the rare occasion he has just went ahead and ordered for me. When we were out with our lifestyle friends in Denver last week -- I got permission to look at the menu and order because it was a new restaurant - it was done with gesture and eyes.

BDSM book meme

Same rules apply...

1) Look at the list and bold those you have read.
2) Italicize those you intend to read.
3) Underline the books you LOVE.
4) Reprint this list in your own LJ/blog if you like

1. Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns: The Romance and Sexual Sorcery of Sadomasochism by Philip Miller
2. The Ethical Slut: Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities by Dossie Easton
3. Story of O, The by Pauline Reage
4. SM 101: A Realistic Introduction by Jay Wiseman
5. The Mistress Manual: A Good Girl's Guide to Female Dominance (Erotic) by Lorelei
6. Two Knotty Boys Showing You the Ropes: A Step-By-Step, Illustrated Guide for Tying Sensual and Decorative Rope Bondage: A Step-by-step, Illustrated Guide to Tying Sensual and Decorative Rope Bondage by Two Knotty Boys
7. Story of O by Pauline Reage - This is a dupe!!
8. Burlesque and the Art of the Teese / Fetish and the Art of the Teese by Dita Von Teese
9. Shibari You Can Use: Japanese Rope Bondage and Erotic Macrame by Lee "Bridgett" Harrington
10. Marketplace, the: Book One (Marketplace (Mystic Rose)) by Laura Antoniou
11. Different Loving: A Complete Exploration of the World of Sexual Dominance and Submission by Gloria G Brame
12. The New Bottoming Book by Dossie Easton
13. The Art of Sensual Female Dominance by Claudia Varrin
14. Erotic Bondage Handbook by Jay Wiseman
15. The Sexually Dominant Woman: A Workbook for Nervous Beginners by Lady Green
16. The Master's Manual: Handbook of Erotic Dominance by Jack Rinella
17. The Reunion (Marketplace) by Laura Antoniou
18. Alazar's Book of Bondage: v. 1by Alazar
19. Bondage for Sex: v. 1 by Chanta Rose
20. Trainer, the: Marketplace Book Three (Marketplace (Mystic Rose)) by Laura Antoniou
21. "Justine", "Philosophy in the Bedroom" and Other Writings by Marquis de Sade
22. Academy, the: Tales of the Marketplace (Marketplace (Mystic Rose)) by Laura Antoniou
23. Alazar's Book of Bondage: v. 2 by Alazar
24. The Seductive Art of Japanese Bondage by Midori
25. The Pleasures All Mine: A Sexual Memoir of a Submissive by Joan Kelly
26. Woof!: Perspectives Into the Erotic Care and Training of the Human Dog by Michael Daniels
27. Come Hither: A Commonsense Guide to Kinky Sex by Gloria Brame
28. Sex Tips from a Dominatrix by Pamela Pierce
29. Flogging by Joseph Bean
30. Diary of an S&M Romance by Dollie Llama
31. Female Domination by Elise Sutton
32. The FemDom Experience by Elise Sutton
33. Female Submission: The Journals of Madelaine by Claudia Varrin
34. The Toybag Guide to Erotic Knifeplay (Toybag Guide) by Miranda Austin
35. How to Be a Dominant Diva by Georgia Payne
36. Fetish Sex: An Erotic Guide for Couples by Violet Blue
37. Mr. Benson by John Preston
38. Playing With Pain: Stories from My Life in Leather (Boner Books) by Hardy Haberman
39. Family Jewels: A Guide to Male Genital Play and Torment by Hardy Haberman
40. The New Topping Book by Dossie Easton
41. MORE FAMILY JEWELS (Boner Books) by Hardy Haberman
42. Partners in Power: Living in Kinky Relationships by Jack Rinella
43. Mummification: Down at the End of Bondage Street with DVD (S/M Tech) by Joseph W. Bean
44. Protocols: Handbook for the Female Slave by Robert J. Rubel
45. Consensual Spanking: An Essential Guide to Adult Spanking Games and Techniques by Jules Markham
46. Painfully Obvious: An Irreverent and Unauthorized Manual for Leather/SM by Robert Davolt
47. The Fetish Fact Book by Paul Scott
48. F**k Fashion by Ben Westwood
49. The Kinky Girl's Guide to Dating by Luna Grey
50. Beauty and Submission by Maria Isabel Pita
51. Histoire d'O / Retour à Roissy by Pauline Réage
52. The Better Built Bondage Book: A Complete Guide to Making Your Own Sex Toys, Furniture and BDSM Equipment by Douglas Kent
53. Rope Bondage: Precision and Persuasion with Rope with DVD (S/M Tech): Precision and Persuasion with Rope (Dem-lab Presents S/M Tech)by Scott Smith
54. Master/Slave Relations: Handbook of Theory and Practice by Robert J. Rubel
55. My Private Life: Real Life Experiences of a Dominant Woman by Mistress Nan
56. The Loving Dominant by John Warren
57. Sensuous Magic: A Guide for Adventurous Couples by Patrick Califia-Rice
58. The Compleat Slave: Creating and Living an Erotic Dominant/Submissive Lifestyle [Complete]: Creating and Living an Erotic Dominant/Submissive Lifestyle by Jack Rinella
59. A Hand in the Bush: the Fine Art of Vaginal Fisting by Deborah Addington
60. Play Piercing by Deborah Addington
61. Flames of Passion: Handbook of Erotic Fire Play by David Walker
62. Erotic Slavehood: A Miss Abernathy Omnibus by Christina Abernathy
63. Look into My Eyes: How to Use Hypnosis to Bring Out the Best in Your Sex Life by Peter Masters
64. The Toybag Guide to Hot Wax & Temperature Play (Toybag Guide) by Spectrum
65. Dances with Werewolves (Memoirs of a Spanking Model) by Niki Flynn
66. The Ultimate Guide to Strap-on Sex: The Complete Resource for Women and Men by Karlyn Lotney
67. Venus in Furs (Penguin Classics) by Leopold Von Sacher-Masoch
68. Slavecraft: Roadmaps for Erotic Servitude by Guy Baldwin
69. The Real Bettie Page: The Truth About the Queen of Pinups by Richard Foster
70. The Toybag Guide to Dungeon Emergencies & Supplies (Toybag Guide) by Jay Wiseman
71. Intimate Invasions: The Erotic Ins & Outs of Enema Play by M.R. Strict
72. Becoming a Slave: The Theory and Practice of Voluntary Servitude by Jack Rinella
73. The Leatherman's Handbook by Larry Townsend
74. The Toybag Guide to Clips & Clamps (Toybag Guide) by Jack Rinella
75. The Toybag Guide to Canes & Caning (Toybag Guide) by Janet W. Hardy
76. Latex and Nudes by James
77. Betty Page Confidential by Bunny Yeager
78. Erotic Bondage: Art of Rope by Edward Lee
79. Radical Ecstasy by Dossie Easton
80. Philosophy in the Boudoir (Penguin Classics) by Marquis De Sade D.A.F.
81. Wild Side Sex: the Book of Kink: Educational, Sensual and Entertaining Essays by Midori
82. When Someone You Love Is Kinky by Dossie Easton
83. Beauty of Fetish, The by Steve Diet Goedde
84. To Love, to Obey, to Serve by V. M Johnson
85. The Toybag Guide to Medical Play (Toybag) by Tempest
86. Slave, the: Marketplace Book Two (Marketplace (Mystic Rose)) by Laura Antoniou
87. Protocol Handbook for the Leather Slave: Theory and Practice by Robert J. Rubel
88. Compleat Spanker (Complete & Spanking) by Lady Green
89. The Art of Spanking by Jacques Enard
90. Fetish 101: Celebrate Your Fantasies by Peter Czemich
91. Ask Larry by Larry Townsend
92. Asia Bondage by Steven Speliotis
93. Return to the Chateau by Pauline Reage
94. Manual Creation: Defining the Structure of an M/S Household by Machele Kindle
95. Consensual Sadomasochism: How to Talk About It and How to Do It Safely by Bill Henkin
96. The Path of Service: Guideposts for Excellence (S/M Tech Educational) by Christina Parker
97. Soaked: A Watersports Handbook for Men (Boner Books)by Joseph W. Bean
98. The Female Dominant: Games She Plays by Claudia Varrin
99. The Control Book by Peter Masters
100. Ties That Bind: The S/M/Leather/Fetish Erotic Style by Guy Baldwin
101. The Catalyst by Laura Antoniou
Adding a new book that I want to read....102. The Forked Tongue by Flagg

Under My Skirt

Under My Skirt

From their website: "Under My Skirt is a pansexual adult eZine dedicated to the very special and unique Daddy/little girl relationship. Through Under My Skirt, we hope to inform those who are curious, and provide a resource for those who love the Daddy/little girl dynamic as much as we do."

They are taking submissions for the eZine! So if you are interested in Daddy/little girl relationships please take a look at their submission page!

Seeing Friends and Daddy's Princess

We were out of town and then came back and got sucked into work again so I haven't had time to post....

I had the immense pleasure of seeing my long time friend DM and her slave. It was great to see them! The time went to quickly for me though. I wish I could have spent more time with them. It was my first time meeting boy but it felt like I had known him for so long. It was great though meeting him in person.

Really again I will say there wasn't enough time. I felt like I wanted to talk about so much and time just kind of got away from me. But I am still thrilled that I was able to see them even for that short of time. Getting time with them both made my week!

It also brought home again my missing out on lifestyle friendships here - here locally. When I lived in Cleveland -- I was out to everyone I met. Even vanilla friends/acquaintances eventually got told of my lifestyle. Most people I would call my friend - were in the lifestyle. Then I moved here to Master and I am now in the closet. We can't tell our friends here of our lifestyle. Our work and our friends are too closely mixed -- to make it possible. DM asked why we haven't moved to Denver. I mean now that Master owns his own business he could really pick it up and move it to Denver. But we don't want to live in Denver. 1) We would be too close to Master's parents 2) Master's business couldn't compete in the bigger market of what Master does now. 3) Master can't stand big city life -- he gets so fed up with traffic and just the busy-ness of it all.

While in Denver, we were out in a store that has things that often appeal to my little girl side. So Daddy told me to go look and then he bought me several little things! Crayon's with princess' on them! And little princess notepad and notecards that say Princess of Quite A LOT!

DM, boy and I were talking about little side. I think Master really didn't realize he had a Daddy side until me. I became little and he was like lets get that little girl some crayons and coloring books. He was all for it. He just naturally has that Daddy side. He like to buy me pretty little girl things, he like to hold me and give his girl hugs and wipe away my tears. He likes to tuck me into bed with my teddy bear.

As soon as I let that little girl out he plays right to that side of me (*there are reasons he doesn't usually do Daddy without me doing little girl first but not getting into that in this post but can come back to it sometime). And so I can in my little voice ask for ice cream and Daddy decides. I will say most of the time Daddy indulges me. But there are times Daddy says no. But I wouldn't have it any other way. I like that he says no. I like that he spoils me but it is good to have it balanced. In Denver with DM and boy I "almost" said I could get Daddy to do what I wanted. I stopped myself but DM caught what I was going to say. I stopped myself because I knew it wasn't true...I can't get Daddy to do what I want. Yes sometimes he indulges me. But as I said other times he says no. But more importantly I couldn't do it....I can't ask for things even as little girl often. I can't manipulate situations either -- it makes me uncomfortable. It makes me feel just awful when I have done that in past relationship. I just feel if Master/Daddy wants me to have something he will get it for me.

Like when we went to the store Daddy told me to go look - I didn't really think I would be getting anything. Daddy was standing with the people we came into the store with - in line at the check out while I looked. Just as they were finishing checking out I was about to head that direction and Daddy came to me and told me to pick out a couple things! I squee'd and wanted to jump up and down but just gave Daddy hugs and thanked him and then picked out a few things. yay for Princess things. But it wouldn't occur to me to beg or pout for things as little girl because it isn't me. It would make me feel uncomfortable and bad.

So although Daddy adore me and I can bat my eyes, giggle and give Daddy kisses -- I don't try to wrap him around my finger. I know it wouldn't work and it would make me feel like a bad little girl. I like being Daddy's Princes and don't want anything to ruin that!

Silence is Golden

I know I am guilty of saying all, never and should. I try to be careful to not do it. But of course I don't always manage it. Most groups online or offline, tend to get some that feel their way is the one true way. The "You should never...." or "All dominant should..." and FetLife hasn't been any different.

But over the years I have found that I don't always need to state my opinion. It has become a matter of letting go of the need to be right, need to prove myself or whatever the feelings were at the time.(They are hard things to own up to and of course I don't always succeed at it but try hard.) So I try hard not to feel like I need to state how it is in my relationship just because the original post doesn't fit how we do things. I try to stay on topic.

If I do feel I can add something to the discussion, I can disagree politely without putting another down. There is a difference between stating how it is in my relationship and implying everyone who doesn't do it our way isn't doing it right. There is a difference between sharing my experiences and preaching to others that don't do it my way that they are unsafe, wrong or insane. There is a different between "this is how we do it" and "this is how everyone should do it." There is a difference between saying, "in my relationship I have to...." and "as a slave we all should be....fill in blank... and if you don't you aren't really a slave.".

When someone posts something I wouldn't do and is asking for advice, I don't feel the need to tell them they are wrong. Because for their relationship obviously it isn't wrong. Plus I know that opening up and sharing can be hard so making others feel bad just closes them up. If I want to help others through my experiences - closing them up won't accomplish that.

So when someone asks for advice for something I wouldn't do or disagree with I try to do one of a few things -- stay out of it since it doesn't apply to my relationship. Or I try to give them suggestions on how it applies to their relationship. Or I share my experience in relating to the topic in a very clear factual way without emotions and without making judgments on how they do things. Maybe I can suggest a link, a bit of advice or a book that might help them. But if I don't have actually anything useful to say - well then I am not going to say anything. I try to remember even though I might not agree with it or would never do it in my relationship doesn't mean I always need to chime and state that because there are so many posts eventually a topic that is fit for expressing my opinion (despite if I agree or disagree) will come up for me to reply to. Because if my reason for wanting to post is to share my experiences for others to learn from then eventually I will be able to state that opinion in a relevant post that deals with the topic. Which will make it more receptive to people. And hopefully then others will read it and get something from it. But I doubt saying, "well I would never do that because as a slave disobeying just never crosses my mind and anyone who does that isn't really a slave or is just a wannabe" helps anyone. It doesn't state anything worth anything to anyone. Not even myself. It is offensive, condescending, negative and implying that others that do anything different then I do -- is disrespectful not only to the original poster but to Master. It isn't a good reflection of him to be feeling the need to be so superior.

I really try to remember to treat people how I want to be treated. If I asked for advice on a forum and everyone was telling me I am doing it wrong, I know how that would make me feel so I try hard not do that to others. I try to remember that just chiming in to chime isn't a good reflecting on Master. Because he wouldn't want me to make others feel inferior or bad that they did something another way. And really it is a just a lot of a wasted time and energy that could be focused elsewhere - like on Master and my service to him.

Motivations for Service

There is a good post on fetlife about motivations of service. (You have to be a member to see it.)

I related to these motivations for service....

Devotional Service - It for me is that sense of worship - where I am so caught into serving that I only see his needs and wants. Finding the things that enhance and make his life better I think can go here but also in positional and anticipatory service.

Positional Service - It is my station and place to serve so I serve -- there isn't anything other to do whether I like the service or not. I serve from positional service A LOT.I am owned and it is my place to serve Master - period.

Parental Service vs. Celebrity Service -- like the original poster I am not sure I see parental as service but I am trying to think outside my comfort zone. This is something that goes on in our relationship quite a bit but it is mixed with celebrity type service. The example used in the post for celebrity service is that the submissive would order the dominants food - making sure it is his/her preference, open doors, be a chauffeur - that sounds like a personal assistant to me almost. In our case often Master holds the door open for me, he orders my food, he drives (he likes to control of those things) and those are parental type service. But then I fix his ice tea when we are eating out. I make sure there is creamer on the table. If he is needing/wanting something like more water or a side of bbq sauce or extra salad dressing, I usually am the one that flags the waitperson. At home, I serve him dinner, I get anything he might need but try to have it all ready for him before hand. I set out his clothes. I don't see myself doing just one or the other. It is a mixture.

Anticipatory Service vs. Micro-managed service - when I first moved here there was definitely micro-managed service going on so that Master could teach me what he liked. He told me what to do and I did it. But I now do quite a bit of anticipatory service/assumptive service. I have learned through his training and observation what he wants or needs and do it without his active control or micro-management. I can say anticipatory service is an area of service for me that has slipped. I haven't been as good at it since Master started his own business. My service has changed slightly as I do more with the business. But it is something I would like to get better at again. There are some things that are second nature. I just do it without thinking because it is so automatic for me. But lately it feels like my brain can hold only so much and there are things that get missed at times.

The one that I didn't relate too -- is transitional service. But I can see looking back on my life that I did that one at various times of my life. Wanting sex, affection or a beating and serving to get those things. And that often feels like I am control because I know if I do such and such I will get something in return. It feels manipulative. And I know I wouldn't make me feel good over all.

Anyway it was good food for thought. And would be interesting to hear/discussion the talk in person.

Monitoring Interaction

A topic over on FetLife about Masters/Dominants monitoring online email, chat, posts to groups and such. It was mentioned that often comes up that it is insecurity on the dominants parts. And I will be truthful, before I was with Master I know I thought that. But of course when it comes home to where you live it all changes.

Master does have control of all my passwords. He could go in and change them anytime he wanted. And of course that means he has access to everything. When I was first here Master read EVERYTHING before hand. He checked my email before I could sign online, he had me send him what I wanted to post to elists, groups or my blog before I was allowed to actually post to those places. He gave me permission to chat online and then looked at the chat logs. If I was chatting on a program that didn't log I had to cut and paste it into a word doc and send it to him after I was done. I even need permission to open any snail mail no matter if it is addressed to him, me or both of us. He at times opens mail addressed to me first and once he didn't even let me look at it for several days (it was a birthday card he held it back until my birthday but he opened it first).

Master still regulates some of that but he doesn't check these things as often as he did in the beginning. He periodically reads my email. He knows most places I posts (elists, forums and like) so he can check up on there if he wants and at times he does. He reads most of my blog posts before they get posted (life updates he usually doesn't require me to give to him first). He periodically checks who I have chatted with but for the most part I don't chat online. I need permission to make a phone call. I have a very good friend that asks me if it is okay with Master before she calls. And before we end the call she tells me to Thank Master for allowing me to talk to her. She is such a good girl.

Once very early in our relationship someone contacted me that had hurt me quite a bit. And Master moved the email to one of my folders so I didn't even know it had came in. He took a day or two to think on if he even wanted me to reply or even know that I had got it. He did end up telling me and told me exactly how he wanted me to reply.

I have had a couple nasty emails over the years too and Master ended up writing the people back. I was told that I was coward and couldn't stand up for myself for "letting" him reply for me. It wasn't my choice and Master knows I can stand up for myself. The emails just pissed him off so he wanted to handle it. Period.

He doesn't monitor those things because he doesn't trust me. He does trust me. It is more like with the person that hurt me -- he wanted to be able to handle it in a way that would make it easier for us to get through. I was thankful he was prepared because if I had just opened my email and seen that email I would have been very upset. Him breaking the news to me helped me so much.

He reads things because he wants to have all the information he can about what is going on with me to help him in his mastering of me. As I said he doesn't read anything regularly now and mostly that is because I have been his for over 5 years now and he knows my thoughts on many things, he knows who I chat with, he knows what I do throughout the day but in our early days he kept a closer look on those things to help him in getting to know me and master me. It didn't have anything to do with insecurity or trust. It was just information to help establish our dynamic.

*** And yes this was read by Master for his approval before I posted. Sidenote: For the most part my blog is a place where Master has told me he won't tell me no to posting things. He just reads them first because he wants me to be able to see what I am thinking before others.