Tuesday, April 07, 2009

Living in a Bubble

Okay kaya had a post and CarrieAnn has a post about dumbing down. So I guess I am taking my stab at it too.

I'm not sure if I completely agree with the notion of dumbing down, but I relate to many of the things kaya said in her post. For example, when she talked about being excited about a piece of rubbermaid. I do that all the time and I do think it is because my life is simple and I enjoy simple things. I don't think that's necessarily dumbing down, because even though my life has become so simple that a piece of rubbermaid excites me, I can still appreciate a box of Godiva chocolates, a good bottle of wine or a beautiful piece of art.

But for me in getting things is often about my life in regards to money and possessions. I don't own anything. Master owns it. If I get something, it is because Master bought it for me or allowed me to buy it. If I get birthday money or something like it - I have to get permission to use it. I can't buy anything with that money without first asking Master - even if it's for him. So when he takes me to Dollar Tree and I get some cards for some friends, stickers, a bin for art supplies or if we go to Target and he gets me the Twilight dvd or new kitchen washcloths at Wal-Mart - I squee on the inside because Master is buying something for me. I'm not sure that's dumbing down, but appreciating even the small stuff as though it was diamonds or something of infinite value. For me, it is a privilege to receive treats and these fun things and Master likes to do that when he can.

So back on track with the post I'm not dumber because I stay at home and clean house. Staying at home cleaning is pretty simple. I mean most people can clean a toilet and wash dishes. It doesn't take a high amount of intellect to unload a dishwasher. It is just simple daily duties.

Which is why I think I live more in a bubble, than being dumbed down. Before I moved to Colorado, most of my time in Cleveland was very busy. I was a social butterfly. I went out with friends, had dates, worked (which was interaction with others), was active in the BDSM community. I had quite a lot of interaction with people - carried on conversations on a wide range of topics. But now, I don't interact with many people besides Master. The quality of my conversations with him are different and may actually be more intellectual then they were when I lived in Cleveland.

Master is a bit of a political junkie so he pretty much molded me to be the same way. I read books covering a wide range of subjects and I talk to him about what I'm reading. We watch Keith Olbermann and Rachel Maddow most nights so that we get caught up on world events. I read many interesting things on the internet and we watch a ton of movies and have wonderful discussions talking about all those things. Plus there is the world wide web where I can have discussions on a very diversified range of subjects.

With the diversity of books, news and information I get ahold of, I feel like I could carry on a conversation with others when we go out and interact with
our non-lifestyle friends. However that doesn't happen very easily. When we go out with friends, I draw a blank. That's because I live in my bubble. So I am sure they must think I'm dumb or something, but it takes me time to prepare myself to go out. Mentally and emotionally - I just have to prime myself on what to talk about so that I don't go blank.

Even though I was once a social butterfly, I now have to gear myself up to be around people. Afterwards I sometimes experience a crash because it feels like a shock to my system. The bubble I live in is due because I am isolated. And because he has so much control on my life that most of my interaction is with him. Yes, I do have close friends that I talk to on the phone and I don't have any problem carrying on a conversation with them, but they also know my life. They know the bubble exists even though they might never thought about it that way.

My friends can be a part of my bubble because it is a place where I can be me. That is why I think for me most of my interaction with friends outside of the lifestyle is held at arm's length. I focus a great deal and try hard not to slip up.

Kaya asked owners over on FetLife:
What are the thoughts on dumbing down your property to facilitate dependence and obedience?

I am not the owner in this relationship obviously but I know that Master uses different methods in facilitating a lack of autonomy and obedience. So for me I don't think Master has dumbed me down but I am isolated and he has a lot of control on my life so those things create a bubble around my life. So my brain is used differently now then it was when I lived in Cleveland.

1 comment:

  1. Thank you! I was thinking in this same general line, and not finding the time or energy to put it together into something coherent. Simple does not equal stupid. Simple can be an asset and a virtue. It helps to keep the focus where it ought to be. Stupid is just stupid -- there is little that is valulable in stupidity. The worth that we place on high levels of social interaction and cultural "accumen" is intriguing to me. When someone chooses to withdraw from that whirl, it can look dumb, but I think there is intellectual potential in deep and intense focus. I really appreciate your thoughts on this.



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