Tug & Slap

After suckling Master's cock for a while last Saturday, he pulled my head up by my hair - pulling on it fairly hard. And it instantly hit that spot in me....where it turned me on from my head to my toes. My nipples went from soft to hard and I had little goose pimples on my body from just that sensation. Master and I hadn't had any other SM play so it had just been that pull on the hair that made me wet instantly.

Master tugged on my hair just a little harder and then slapped me HARD. An orgasm ripped through my body fast. I haven't had that happen in a while where I came just from my hair being pulled and one single hard slap to the face. But damn it was good. And it kept me dripping wet all day long and so needful that I masturbated about 5 times.

Master's Moods

There is a thread on FetLife about how slaves pick up and react to their Owner's moods. This has always been a problem for me with Master. When he didn't have his own business and worked outside the home, his hours were insane and he was always stressed so he would come home cranky quite a bit and whatever he was feeling quickly became how I felt too. It was hard for me to not to take his moods personally too. I often felt as though he was mad at me even though logically I knew it was his job. But his demeanor along with the mood just made it feel like he was mad at me. So it was hard for me to shake off.

At one point I started to try be so cheerful and happy that it would help his mood but it didn't usually help his mood. And just frustrated me and made me cranky too. I only found 2 things that helped make get him out of that mood but both are hard to accomplish when he is cranky. It took a lot of clever and cunning work on my part and timing - timing had to perfect - and that was to make him laugh. And I am not a funny person. I just don't make people laugh so it takes lot thought on my part and timing to get it done right. And when Master is mad not a lot of things seem funny to him so again takes just the right things to make him laugh. And the other thing that will work but again timing has to be right is to coax him out of his pants so I can give him a blowjob. A blowjob does wonders for his mood. :)

Now that he works at home - he is cranky less often but when he is, I am still a sponge soaking up his mood. He gets up before me and if I get up in a good mood and he is in bad mood - it can ruin my whole day even if he gets in a better mood by the end of the day. I have had depression on and off my whole life and unfortunately sometimes that mood can make me sink. I just get really spiraling into it. And again even though he might get out of the mood - doesn't mean I do. I just have trouble pulling myself out at times.

We also have to add in that we are in a poly relationship because it of course works that if he is having problems in his other relationship that can bleed into ours. And that is hard to deal when he becomes distracted and moody because of it. And vice versa - he and I are having a problem and it bleeds to them. And is distracted and moody with her. So it becomes a chain reaction.

I think it common that those in relationships feel the moods of others in the relationship. I know that Master at times feels my moods too. For us though we try to be open and clear about what we are feeling so that the other person knows it isn't there stuff. Master will tell me that he isn't mad at me that he is having a bad day with work things and that helps me not soak those emotions up as much. Or I just ask what is going on to see if I can help and then help and if not it helps me take a step back from it. Of course it doesn't always work as I said above I have a history of depression so I can get caught into the spiral of emotions. But trying is what matters. And keep trying is what matters. And sometimes it works.

Fast

A list as my life is going all too fast these days.....

* We have lots of work and I am so thankful! Our business is going good. And that is very good. We are however very tired and stressed because of all the work.

* I am thinking of doing Eden Fantasy reviews :)

* Master is seeing someone kind of localish. He has known her for over a year. We have all 3 spent time together...but I am still in the getting to know her phase.

* We (as in all 3 of us) went and had a day trip on Sunday together. We packed a picnic and had it next to a waterfall up in the mountains. I made a pasta salad that I will be posting the easy recipe on domestic servitude next week.

* Last Friday was the year anniversary of my Uncle dying. And I did okay.

* Sunday will be a year since Kam died. I have processed a lot of anger and unresolved feelings with Kam in this last year and am thinking that I should do a little ritual or at least sit down and do something for me...for us to help let that go more formally.

* I downloaded photos from my camera the other day and found quite a few photos for recipes I need to post to domestic servitude.

The Nun's Story

The Nun's Story is a movie which stars Audrey Hepburn. I checked it out from the library when I decided I wanted to do an Audrey Hepburn movie extravaganza one weekend. The Nun's Story was one of the few Audrey Hepburn movies I hadn't seen though.

I have always had a fascination with nuns even though I am not catholic. On A&E years and years ago there was a mini-series called Brides of Christ that aired late at night. I happened to have insomnia the first night it aired so that worked out good for me. I stayed up watching it and knew I wanted to see the rest of the mini-series so I taped it it (back in the ages of VHS). And I ended up watching it over and over again. I am not sure what happened to the tape when I got divorced but I do remember for a very long time watching that tape with great fascination and I think the word I want is longing. I felt a longing to feel what they felt...that devotion and dedication.

Like Brides of Christ, I watched The Nun's Story many many times before I returned it to the library. Today as a slave, I relate to The Nun's Story in the same fascination but also with a knowing knowledge now - even if coming from a different form of devotion and dedication. And The Nun's Story I was particularly drawn to because not only her devotion but her inherent struggles that came with that devotion - even seemingly walking side by side with each other.

In the Nun's Story Sister Luke struggles between her passion to be a nun and her passion of being a nurse and helping sick people. It is explained to Sister Luke that no matter if she is with a patient or not that she has to stop when the bells toll to go to her prayer services. And it often frustrated her because here is in the middle of helping this patient - doing something so important for someone and she has to stop. She doesn't understand why God wouldn't understand that this is important. But when she is transfered to the Congo she often calls and gets excused so that she doesn't have to leave her nursing duties to go pray. She calls more and more to get excused to stay with her nursing duties over her duties as a nun. A doctor there calls her a Worldly Nun. One who is devoted to God but has curiosity of the world. And I think that accurately described her.

In the end she finally leaves her life as a nun when the war breaks out as she can't reconcile her feelings of helping one side of the war when the nuns are suppose to remain neutral. The ending and how she has to leave as a nun was very interesting - very much alone as though this family she had for year in the abbey has disowned her. And that is really what they did I guess.

I am always Master's slave, but I do have a curiosity for things that I feel I am missing out on because of being Master's slave. And it isn't that I want to give up being Master's slave. Just as Sister Luke tried to work between being a passionate about both being a nun and a nurse and not having it work, I am just not sure it is possible for me to have both. So I struggle.

I love being Master's slave. I just wish after 8 years I could find balance. I think it actually gets harder for me to find that balance the longer I am in service. Odd as that sounds. When I was first in service, everything was bright and shiny and cleaning Master's toilet was the center of my universe and I smiled joyfully at the thought of cleaning his toilet. I am sorry but 8 years later - it is just cleaning his toilet to keep it clean and knowing it will enhance his life with that service so he doesn't have to do it. No smiling joyfully while cleaning it anymore....just keeping it real folks. I know that it might be different for others just as in the Nun's Story and in the Brides of Christ some nuns seem to not struggle as much others but I am someone who questions and looks at the world around me with exactly what the doctor said in the movie - curiosity. I like being of the world. And often with M/s it seems it becomes the world. The M/s relationship is the world for the slave. But just like the nuns that struggle who still want to be nuns - I still want to be a slave. I just wish to find balance. And maybe that isn't possible. That is something I have really been trying to find this past year.