The Nun's Story is a movie which stars Audrey Hepburn. I checked it out from the library when I decided I wanted to do an Audrey Hepburn movie extravaganza one weekend. The Nun's Story was one of the few Audrey Hepburn movies I hadn't seen though.
I have always had a fascination with nuns even though I am not catholic. On A&E years and years ago there was a mini-series called Brides of Christ that aired late at night. I happened to have insomnia the first night it aired so that worked out good for me. I stayed up watching it and knew I wanted to see the rest of the mini-series so I taped it it (back in the ages of VHS). And I ended up watching it over and over again. I am not sure what happened to the tape when I got divorced but I do remember for a very long time watching that tape with great fascination and I think the word I want is longing. I felt a longing to feel what they felt...that devotion and dedication.
Like Brides of Christ, I watched The Nun's Story many many times before I returned it to the library. Today as a slave, I relate to The Nun's Story in the same fascination but also with a knowing knowledge now - even if coming from a different form of devotion and dedication. And The Nun's Story I was particularly drawn to because not only her devotion but her inherent struggles that came with that devotion - even seemingly walking side by side with each other.
In the Nun's Story Sister Luke struggles between her passion to be a nun and her passion of being a nurse and helping sick people. It is explained to Sister Luke that no matter if she is with a patient or not that she has to stop when the bells toll to go to her prayer services. And it often frustrated her because here is in the middle of helping this patient - doing something so important for someone and she has to stop. She doesn't understand why God wouldn't understand that this is important. But when she is transfered to the Congo she often calls and gets excused so that she doesn't have to leave her nursing duties to go pray. She calls more and more to get excused to stay with her nursing duties over her duties as a nun. A doctor there calls her a Worldly Nun. One who is devoted to God but has curiosity of the world. And I think that accurately described her.
In the end she finally leaves her life as a nun when the war breaks out as she can't reconcile her feelings of helping one side of the war when the nuns are suppose to remain neutral. The ending and how she has to leave as a nun was very interesting - very much alone as though this family she had for year in the abbey has disowned her. And that is really what they did I guess.
I am always Master's slave, but I do have a curiosity for things that I feel I am missing out on because of being Master's slave. And it isn't that I want to give up being Master's slave. Just as Sister Luke tried to work between being a passionate about both being a nun and a nurse and not having it work, I am just not sure it is possible for me to have both. So I struggle.
I love being Master's slave. I just wish after 8 years I could find balance. I think it actually gets harder for me to find that balance the longer I am in service. Odd as that sounds. When I was first in service, everything was bright and shiny and cleaning Master's toilet was the center of my universe and I smiled joyfully at the thought of cleaning his toilet. I am sorry but 8 years later - it is just cleaning his toilet to keep it clean and knowing it will enhance his life with that service so he doesn't have to do it. No smiling joyfully while cleaning it anymore....just keeping it real folks. I know that it might be different for others just as in the Nun's Story and in the Brides of Christ some nuns seem to not struggle as much others but I am someone who questions and looks at the world around me with exactly what the doctor said in the movie - curiosity. I like being of the world. And often with M/s it seems it becomes the world. The M/s relationship is the world for the slave. But just like the nuns that struggle who still want to be nuns - I still want to be a slave. I just wish to find balance. And maybe that isn't possible. That is something I have really been trying to find this past year.