Positive Monday - December 4th

I try to do a Positive Monday as Monday's often seem to a hard day of the week.

So here are 5 good things in my life...

1. Mail Love - Mail Love was in abundance! I got a package from my favorite girlie stuffed full of recipes, a cookbook and magnetic "paper" dolls that are gingerboy and girl. They have little pieces to decorate them and are just too adorable for words. I can't wait to get them up they will be great when I am baking, while something is in the oven I can play! I also got a few other things from girlie and her Sir. Thank you both so much it was very sweet of you guys!

Last year my family did up a big package for Master and I. In it was one little special package to open every day until Christmas. Last year there was gourmet hot cocoa packets, M&M's, slipper socks, notepads and such. Well they decided to do the same thing again this year and so we have opened 4 gifts: recipe cards & holder that have candy canes on them, holiday spatulas, 2 magnetic notepads, holiday sprinkles for cookies and baked goods, little holiday paper cupcake liners, and a ceramic spoon holder. It is very thoughtful of my family and Master and I get such a kick out of it. It is fun to see what they came up with and it is nice to feel their love through their extraordinary thoughtfulness.

2. Birthdays - Master's birthday is coming up this week and so I am excited about it and happy to be celebrating Him. He is a wonderful man that daily I see all the reasons I fell in love with him. And how lucky I am to be his slave. I know this past year was a hard year but exciting at the same time. I love you Master!

3. Comments and emails - I want to thank the people who have left comments and sent me emails on my last entry. It was hard entry to write as it was personal and made me very nostalgic for Christmas' past. So thank you for the comments and emails telling me how it touched you. Thank you!

4. Water - I have been drinking so much water today. It is good and refreshing.

5. Warm clothes - Thermals, cuddl duds, soft sweaters, sueded cotton sweatshirt, long sleeve thick t-shirts from Eddie Bauer (that I have had for 13 years and still in great condition), wool socks, knitted socks, fleece purple bathrobe... all items that keep me warm when it is Oh so cold here!

the magical little things

This entry is prompted by the question the "Sunny or snowy: Which makes for the better holiday season, and why?" I will be answering the question in a round about fashion through stories and memories of my childhood that could really take up several pages as I have many good Christmas memories.

I was born in North Dakota. When I tell people that, most say, "Oh I have been there. I went to Mount Rushmore...the Black Hills...the Badlands" and so on...never actually naming a place in North Dakota. I believe a lot of people lump North and South into one place or forget that there is even a North Dakota. But I was born in North Dakota and lived there until I was 10 years old. And I still have family that lives there.

When I tell them that the places they listed are South Dakota they usually then get the light bulb moment of 4th grade geography lessons coming back and give me a look as if they had just been smacked with a cold wind and ask me if I liked living there. And my answer to them is a resounding happy YES! As a child it was so much fun and that main reason: SNOW. There was so much to do because of the snow in winter - ice skating, snowmobile riding, cross country skiing, sledding, hockey, making snow forts, snow angels, snowballs! And drinking lots of hot chocolate in that mix too!

My parents were involved in lots of organizations in our small small town. And so they had lots of parties and functions to go and many involved the kids coming too. They would hold parties at the local ice skating rink in the winter. It would close down for the evening to be available only to those in organization. We would skate, have good food, hot cocoa mixed with lots of fun and friendship. A family friend of ours had a big cabin on the lake. They had an annual holiday party there. Some of the men would go out ice fishing on the frozen over lake. Their cabin had a big hill next to it that would was perfect for sledding which occupied all the children. There would be a dozen snowmobiles there, cross country skis, snowshoes and everything else would ever need for winter time fun. There was roaring fire in the cabin so you could warm up and dry off before going to the next activity. There was so much laughter and fun. I always looked forward to those parties. More winter fun was had in my neighborhood though too as our block had a lot of kids on it. We were always building snow forts and having snowball fights. I don't have a memories with snow that doesn't bring me warm happy feelings.

The holidays in North Dakota always involved snow. I don't recall ever going without a White Christmas when I lived there. My Mom loves Christmas - she decorates, bakes, shares stories and it is just a very special time of love and family. And I know she got that from her Mom. When I was little, we would spend Christmas Eve at my Mom's parents. They lived on a modest but wonderful farm. We celebrated Christmas on Christmas Eve. My Grandparents farmhouse didn't have fireplace and I remember at a very young age worried that Santa wouldn't have a way into the house. Christmas Eve at my Grandparents involved a big homemade dinner with food from taken from our heritage, church after dinner - all dressed up in our Christmas best, then home to read the Christmas Bible story of Jesus' birth, sing some Christmas Carols, open presents and then have snacks and goodies.

My Grandparents attended a small country church that looked like something from a Christmas greeting card with the snow all around it, lights shining through the stain glass windows. Inside the church, it was also picture perfect poinsettias spread through out the church, as well as candles, and then Christmas trees decorated in angel ornaments and white lace garland. The service we would light candles and sing lots of Christmas carols. After the children were given a big bag of sugary hard candies...the old fashioned ribbon candy in bright Christmas colors. Making us all even more hyper then just being excited waiting for Santa's arrival.

My Mom's family is good size that we would take more then one car to church. And so Grandpa would often sneak out early, but as child I NEVER picked up on that. See as a little girl, I would come home to reindeer hoof prints and Santa boot prints in the yard. And more Santa snow boot prints in the house. Cookies that had been set out for Santa would be gone and carrots left for Dasher and Dancer and the rest of the reindeer were half eaten in the yard. And sure enough when I went running into the house there would be presents from Santa under the tree.

It is a wonderful Christmas memory....a favorite memory of mine. And I say mine as my sisters didn't really get to experience it like I did because my Grandfather died at a young age. So I cherish those memories as I am lucky to have known him and lucky to have such a good memory of my Santa.

It's memories like these that set the tone for all of my Christmases. Even though one might forget about those "little things" like Santa's boot prints or the half-eaten carrots in the yard - I'll never forget them. It's these important things, the fact that my Grandfather left church a little early to give his granddaughter something something special and magical.

Magic.

That's what the season is about. Taking those precious moments to express your love and friendship to someone you care about. Whether it's finding that very special gift, or making a handmade card, the phone call in the middle of the day or the email that just says simply "I love you." It's my way to share how much I love those that I'm surrounded by.

So Christmas time is that special time of year when you just remind them of how wonderful they really are and how they have a special place in my heart that makes me feel the magic of love.

A little look at the neurotic side of me...

Tonight we are going to a party...it is Holiday party.. And it is a party where I do like the company of several of the people, but it still doesn't matter because I am still nervous. Internally my brain is kind spinning out of control - please I was getting neurotic about it last night. Once I get there it will be better..it will..honest it will. Well...I still will be nervous but not this much.

This always happens to me before entering these type of situations. I was sitting here thinking about when I was in grade school, then junior high and so on...I always have been this way. When I was married, my husband and I entertained quite a bit and I was always freaking out right before it. Even when I was a social butterfly in Cleveland...I still almost would get sick to my stomach before going out. No matter how long I had known the people....well I take that back...parties that it was just the core group of good friends I never felt nervous about going. But if there were more then that group then I would get nervous. But again I was a social butterfly doing things with friends nightly at one point in my life. So although it happened...it seemed easier to deal with - at times. I do remember a few times where it was horrible horrible and a former partner got an awful lot of neurosis thrown his way. Master has had to deal with that too unfortunately.

So I don't think I was less nervous in Cleveland, but I am at a point in my life with Master where I don't have a lot of social interaction and so I feel I fumble over my words and never know what to say to make small talk. I read, I am interested in politics and daily current events, I love music, movies, art, food, wine but when in the moment I just never know what to say. I had some good conversations last year, but I also had about 3 glasses of wine.

When I lived in Cleveland, it seemed I was able to make small talk easier then I am now. In reality it probably is because I was so out to all my friends. Everyone knew my lifestyle, work and such and so I didn't have to hide. I could talk about anything and they understood as most of them were in the lifestyle anyway. All my good stories are of my life...my lifestyle....and whenever I start telling people I can be out to about my life they always look at me and say you should write a book. But this party...the parties we got to here locally - well I am not out to anyone. And so to them I have a life that seems very boring. I know many of them don't understand why I don't have a "career." Mind you I am an artist but at first most of them thought I was a "housewife." We don't have kids so they didn't understand it. Didn't understood how I could stay at home and not be bored and find "enough" to do. Which just always amazes me as there is ALWAYS something to be done around here...always. So anyway I have to watch what I say carefully so that I don't out us, I don't feel I can socially interact well because I don't feel I know how to do small talk and I am neurotic about it all.

Oh also...I am stressing about what to wear. OF COURSE! I kind of had an idea of what I wanted to wear about 2 weeks ago - yes I am a girly girl who thinks of that kind of stuff that far in advance. I picked the outfit, but I didn't pick the accessories out. And this is an outfit that definitely needs the accessories as it is all black and very much calls out for something. Also I was going to do stockings and garters under but then I remembered how it really lays flat against hips and bottom...and that would cause lines so I think I am going to have to do the dreaded pantyhose. But I am not sure I have a pair (wearable pair without little snags and are the right shade of black). I need to find that out and then comes the necklace this outfit really needs something bold. And I looked through stuff last night and really didn't find anything that would do that...and I just don't think the posture collar will do for this party (yes that was sarcasm). The sleeves on the outfit are 3-quarter sleeves. I have some silver bangles that are pretty and sparkly that would look festive so I could do that but I still think I need a necklace. And not sure bracelets and necklace might be TOO much. Oh the life of a girly girl who suffers from social panic!

Oh at least...as I sit here and type this I do have my hair dyed...so at least one thing done on the getting ready for this party tonight. Oh and the bars I am bring are done too.

Idea coming to mind....I might have to look through my beads and other jewelry making supplies and see if I find something to make quickly. Maybe a pendant on a piece of satin iridescent ribbon. Or something else similar. I also should look for a scarf I have that is red silk with black dots....maybe that just draped around my neck and knotted would be okay. Oh I don't know - I guess after my hair is all done I will look for hose and accessories.

Yes this is boring entry of my neurosis.

Godfather Eggs

I really enjoy cooking. It I guess could be said is a passion of mine. I am known for my cooking. Master's former co-workers always used to say they liked him but they loved me as I always made them yummy treats!

We are going to a Holiday party tomorrow night so tonight I made pumpkin bars with cream cheese frosting. And tomorrow morning I will make a pasta salad.

In my comments for Gratitude Tuesday letter E maya asked about Godfather Eggs. Master and I went to a restaurant that had them and so I ended up making them at home because we enjoyed them so much.

Godfather Eggs
scrambled eggs
browned ground Italian sausage
tomato sauce
shredded mozzarella cheese
fresh chopped basil (optional)

Take scrambled eggs and then just put the layers on top of them first the sausage, then the tomato sauce and cheese. You can top with some basil even though I didn't have any when I took this picture.

Here is a picture of some I made a while back...

Just a little peek....

I thought I would do a little introduction so those coming from Holidailies can get to know me a little bit.

39 years of living this life came about as of October. I am in a Master/slave (M/s) Sadomasochism (SM) type relationship (any questions about that please feel free to ask via comment or email - I also will have some links on the bottom that might help out too.) I am expressive, diplomatic, open-minded, kind-hearted, understanding, passionate and loyal. I can be introverted but other times I am very extroverted. I am a mixed media artist. I throw myself into my art and usually emerge with some of the art on me....smeared in charcoal or paint. I am a foodie wannabe and amateur cook. I enjoy wine, tea with cream, reading, chocolate, mail love, music, stationary, art, fresh pineapple, Asian food, cookbooks, typography, mary janes, coloring books and crayons, anything handmade, and the endless possibilities of life. I like Paulo Coelho books, Pre-Raphaelites paintings, and Joss Whedon shows (ie: Firefly). I am constantly learning and growing in my spirituality. I find my inner cool and calm through Buddhism and through service to Master. My likes for SM come in on what some might call heavier edgier type of play. I have been into SM type activities since I was 16. I was in my first M/s type relationship was when I was 18. I was married for 7 years now divorced and owned by Master. We have a website that contains essays, bios, resources, domestic service tips and links, and so on.

Typical day for me as a slave

Q&A about M/s and BDSM - Part 1 - questions answered in it: What exactly is BDSM? Is it just about sex? And than I read of 24-hour slaves, so what about them?

Q&A about M/s and BDSM - Part 2 - I am curious if those in alternative lifestyles practice this when outside of their homes? For example, if you went to your family reunion would you act like your Master's slave? What happens if the slave decides he/she doesn't want to be a slave anymore? Can you just "quit"?

Interview Meme Questions and Answers - Part 1 - some questions answered in that post...When did you know you were a submissive/slave? When did I get interested in cooking? What is my favorite service to for Master?

Interview Meme Questions and Answers - Part 2 - some questions answered in this one...When did you meet your Master? When & how did you have your first experience as a slave? Have you ever been with women? Favorite meal to cook?


Oh and one last thing...I love the holidays!

World AIDS Awareness Day....

From the website: "Around forty million people are living with HIV throughout the world - and that number increases in every region every day. In the UK alone, more than 60,000 people are living with HIV and more than 7,000 more are diagnosed every year. Ignorance and prejudice are fuelling the spread of a preventable disease.

World AIDS Day, 1 December is an opportunity for people worldwide to unite in the fight against HIV and AIDS. This year, it's up to you, me and us to stop the spread of HIV and end prejudice. "

Soldiers Away From Home

Another friend posted these links (at the moment not remembering who sorry about that) but I wanted to pass it on.

Let's not forget the people serving in Iraq and Afghanistan and other places during the holidays. Every day they put themselves in harms way. And I can't imagine all they go through - just the mental and physical strains, the emotional and spiritual strains, being away from their family and friends, just being so far away....so sending a little Holiday cheer their direction is not only as Thank You but I am sure it will brighten the day by giving them a gift.

http://anysoldier.com

You can even order packages online to send to them so you don't have to put a package together yourself at Treat Any Solider

GloRoMo

For the month of November in conjunction with NaNoWriMo Graydancer created GloRoMo and today I was admiring and voting for many wonderful bondage pictures. If Graydancer does it next year maybe I can convince Master that we can enter it too. Oh *shivers* Rope Bondage.

Christmas Sparkle!

Look at the pretty that was made for me!

Gratitude Tuesday - E

This morning I started this and thought damn E is going to be hard. I would walk away after writing a few and then come back and add more. I thought I wasn't going to have much of anything on the list...but here hours later I guess I surprised myself....so I bring you...

~ E ~

Eddie Izzard - yummy! He is so funny! Plus he looks good in heels and make up!
Eating - I love food so I like to eat.
Epicurious - Which goes with the above. I love that site for recipes, good wine suggestions and other food related ideas.
Encouragement - I am thankful for all the encouragement I get from my friends.
Emotions - Although my emotions have been all over the place I am glad that I do have them. I am glad I feel a wide range of them.
Energy - Having energy...to just do things I am grateful for and also feeling energy/vibes or whatever you call it. I like it when I encounter someone with good energy. s is coming to mind. She always has such a warm clear soothing energy coming from her. Just being around her for a little bit always makes me feel so good.
Expression - Being able to express through writing, spoke word, art, and so many more ways...I am grateful for the ability to express my thoughts and feelings in so many wonderful ways
Enthusiasm - This one I always think of this word along with sex work. I know strange but enthusiasm is really the tip to making it in escorting. You have enthusiasm with your clients and you will have repeat clients. Which I guess will lead to the next word...
Escorting - That will sound strange too...but miss that job. I had so much fun and met some amazing people not only as clients but others who worked in the sex industry.
Envelopes - Mail Love! I love seeing envelopes in the mail with my name on them. And I love sending out envelopes full of mail love to others.
Encasement - It is actually one of Master's fetishes. Being totally encased in latex or a shiny spandex suit would be his ideal.
Edge play - I love edge play - breath play, humiliation scenes, watersports, punching and kicking, face slapping, all are considered edge play and all are near and dear to me!
Eggs - I like eggs. Egg sandwiches, Godfather Eggs, Scrambled eggs with hashbrowns, neatly folded eggs piled on a fluffy biscuit. Also thankful to have them so I can bake yummy cakes, cookies, brownies and breads with them.
Eggplant - Not the food....oh no...don't like eggplant to eat but I love the color! I would love to have a room painted with that color
Edward Gorey - Lovely work....dark and delicious
Electricity - Without it....there is so much I couldn't do. So I am very thankful for electricity...for keeping computers running, heat going on this cold snowy day, power to run my bread machine and crockpot to make a yummy warm dinner for tonight, to give me warm water for my shower, and dryer to warm up my robe to make me toasty when I am cold, to run all the tv to watch Buffy and Alias...yes I could go on and on with all the wonderful things that electricity brings to me. Very thankful for electricity
Egyptian art - Art history was one of my favorite classes in college. I always got A and A+'s in it. Egyptian art was one area that I took several classes as it really just has always fascinated me. I even remember in grade school doing papers on Egyptian art as I have drawn to it.
Eyes - I like eyes...I like the expressiveness of eyes. I keep thinking of Master's blue intense eyes. Yummy! so grateful to be able to look into them every day! I am also thankful for my eyes...to see all the wonderful things that pass before daily.
Ears - I few years ago girlie pointed out to me I have a thing for ears. I do....I look at people's ears. I seem to notice tiny ears. Dainty little ears. I also appreciate having ears to hear you with - lol - yes I know I sounds like the wolf in little red riding hood.
Enslavement - I am enslaved to Master and very grateful to be owned by him
Ephemera - My art consists of lots of ephemera so I am very grateful to have it as an available resource as it inspires me often.

Website Down

Our website is down for some reason...(wrote a support ticket) and so that is why my journal is a looking a mess right now without the graphics.

Campbell's Donating Food to Food Banks!

Campbells soup is going to donate cans of soup to food banks based on the number of votes received for each NFL team. You can vote once a day so please, pass this one please.

Just go to http://www.chunky.com/clickforcansvote.aspx every day!

Please help Fight AIDS....with just a click

Bristol Myers Squibb will donate one dollar (up to a max of $100,000) for every person who goes to their Web site and lights a candle to fight AIDS. At this point, the counter is just over 70,300 ... so we need many more candles lit before World AIDS Day (on Dec. 1).

Please go to Light to Unite to light a candle ... and help spread the light.

Pass this along to others as well! Thank you!

Loads of Kinky Fun

The other night Master did an INSIDE post on spanking and just reading it almost made me cum. I am serious...I was breathing heavy! It just brought me to that place when he spanks me. I never really liked spanking before Master. I had partners that liked to spank, but I was always wondering when it would BE OVER! And with Master I am like more more more! And really he does LONG spankings that just are so good that I can't help but want more!

I did a poll over on my livejournal about BDSM interest. It was check all that you enjoy type poll. Livejournal polls actually only allow 15 things. Almost everyone that took it liked bondage and spanking. Then the next highest with over 62% of voters liking humiliation, breath play and face slapping. I thought it was great that so many liked things that aren't always "approved" of by the general BDSM community.

The things on the poll:
bondage,spankings,humiliation, breath play,face slapping, punching and kicking, needles, watersports, rubber or latex, flogging, fisting,age play, hair pulling, cages, and hoods.

So I thought I would just write a little about each thing on the poll why I like them or don't like them or whatever.

bondage - I really enjoy rope bondage. I love the feel of it going on my body. I love the feel once it is complete. I am also a visual person so I like the way it look. It is not something Master was really into - at first. Then we went to a workshop at Thunder in the Mountains one year about bondage. And well he saw some more possibilities in play. So that evening in the dungeon he did pretty body and arm bondage in the dungeon to match the top I had on. I think he got into the whole look of it with his other fetishes. And I am very thankful he did. I have never been with anyone that likes it as much as I do. It has always been too much work for most people I have been with. But I love the sensation of the rope on my body. I like the feelings of it tightly tied on me so I can't get loose. I like the rope digging into my arms, legs, and other bits. It just feels...good to me. Strange word for it I am sure but it turns me on and make me just feel like all is right in the world.


spankings - already discussed above but just to add...I just really like Master's spankings. No one has ever given me a spanking that I really liked besides him. Most of the time I was like okay we can stop now. And didn't really get why people enjoyed it. But Master....oh yum to the spankings. I really do think it is because of the drumming background. He doesn't just spank....he does drum as silly as that sounds....it is the difference.

humiliation - I really enjoy. I find myself having some problems getting into it though for a while. I think because I am just not in the place mentally and emotionally to get into it. And I do think it really needs the right headspace or for me it can go very badly.

breath play - is probably one of my biggest turn ons. I like the sensations it creates...the tension, anticipation, skin becoming ultra sensitive, just the air going away. I like lack of control. And especially like the feelings of His control over me in those moments.

face slapping - I have always liked face slapping. I remember my vanilla husband I engaging in kinky play and he would slap me. He really had problems doing it the first time but after he saw how much I enjoyed it then he never seemed to have a problem. Master really enjoys face slapping too. I like the feeling of that skin on skin contact....his hand slapping across my face. The redness it causes, the after tingles of it. We also do some face punching and it is something we both really enjoy also. I have had a swollen lip and it made me feel good...looking at it in the mirror...even touching it. It made me feel like his property.

punching and kicking - another hawt activity that we enjoy. I have engaged in punching and kicking for a while. Back with Don and then MC (someone I played with right before getting involved with Master.) Master is really good at punching. We haven't done as much kicking. But I know it is someplace we will explore eventually. We saw a workshop at Thunder done by Fifth Angel on punching, kicking and takedowns. And I think I was moaning outloud during the whole workshop. And it certainly inspired Master and punching I think is his top 5 things to do to me. Every time we have sex....punching almost always is involved. Arms and breasts are his favorite places to punch me. It is good foreplay for me to get turned on when I am not sexually "ready."

needles - They are not something I enjoy. I don't like needles. I have seen some cool needle, staple and suture play, but I think having it done on me would make me nauseous.

watersports - We have an essay on Golden Showers on our website. It was one of those fetishes that years I go I thought I would never enjoy but I do. And it really isn't that humiliating to me more like I feel pride when Master urinates on me. I feel pride of being his. I do also drink his urine but still not very well. I have lots of urinating on myself type of fantasies but haven't explored all of those yet.

rubber or latex - I didn't check rubber and latex although I like both...I am allergic to latex. Rubber/latex are 2 of Master's fetishes. I do feel sorry for him not being able to engage in that with me. I love the look of it on others but usually don't like the look of it on me.

flogging - flogging is something I used to really enjoy but Master although he likes to flog he just doesn't do that very often. And so really for me I have a problem taking it and you would think a girl that is slapped and punched wouldn't have a problem taking a flogging but I really feel like a wuss with flogging

fisting - I have never been fisted. And ex tried once and ripped me. And then girlie tired once too but I was tense and too tight. But it is something I would like to have done someday and Master has an interest in it too - so one day it might be a reality. But I have fisted though and enjoyed it thoroughly so I probably should have checked it from that stand point. (girlie makes such delightful noises when being fisted.)

age play - I am not sure I really can explain what I do as age play but I guess it is. But I just have this little girl side that comes out. It is natural - it isn't role that now I am 4 years old and act and dress like a 4 year old. It is that I am 4. Not sure I am explaining that well. But I do like playing and being Daddy's princess and little girl!

hair pulling - I love the feel of Master's hand in my hair. Feel his control. Feel where he is usually directing me with his hand in my hair. Girlie and her Sir once put my hair as part of the bondage and I really liked that too...hog tied!

cages - yep like them too. Master built me a cage. It was hard for me at first being in it and it did get easier. But we haven't had time for it lately. And had to take it down because of company being here. The cage made me feel really truly like his captive and when I was first here and he was claiming me as His...making me His....it really helped me be in that mindset that his...property.

hoods - in Master's top 5 probably number 1 actually. It is something I didn't enjoy at first. I was actually scared of them. He really did a great job of getting me used to them and also making me DESIRE them. I do desire them now. Hoods are something I plan on writing about more in length one day. So not going to say that much right now but I do like them. It is like an escape as soon as one goes on.


Oh yummy kinks! Nice thoughts!

Happy Thanksgiving!

I hope everyone has a wonderful day sharing love and laughter with family and friends!